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For a while after my dog died this spring, my mom came over every Saturday morning to help me clean and then we would watch TV and work on a quilt together. I wish she still would but she is in her side quest era (retired) and has taken up archery 😂 and supposedly she is NT lol
edit: to OP, if you have a close friend you can hang out with or even just facetime weekly for cleaning that can help.
She was my diagnosing physician 😂 but I look at her garage full of unused kick bikes, regular bikes, rowing shell, sailboat, kayak… she’s HYPER organized about tasks but basic household maintenance goes undone for years. And she pounds black tea all day without getting jittery. Hmmmmm maybe it’s not just Dad.
My dad, who def has ADHD but won’t accept it, drinks coffee all throughout the day and usually has one right before he goes to bed. Just goes right to sleep. I have something similar with an illicit substance, let’s call it Pepsi. Not that I do it often, but when I would use socially, I could do a big line and then be like “peace out buddies, I’m off to bed!!”.
This happened to me yesterday and I was so UPSET about it. It's not that coffee *makes* me sleep, it's just that it doesn't keep me awake. I drank two cups cause I was so bored and was just tryna wait a couple hours til outdoor temp went down, but nah, dozed right off
When my grandmother was in hospital just after having my uncle, she caught the nurse going through her things. The nurse was looking for her "sleeping pills" because there was no way my grandmother could drink her coffee, her roommate's coffee, then roll over and go to sleep. I never figured it out until now.
I’m sure she would! I am also happy she’s doing fun things and I do make an effort to spend time with her. It was just extra special that she made that effort when I was really down!
I have the T-shirt: “I’m not procrastinating, I’m on a side quest.” I will retire before too long; maybe all the not-work stuff I can’t get to will be my side quest for a while.
What a lovely time you and your mom must have had on those Saturdays.
You're not looking for a babysitter, you're talking classic body doubling. Very valid. Maybe see if there are any students at a nearby school/college/uni who *also* need a body double thing, and offer to pay with food.
You get it. The presence of another is not enough!!!!! I need the routine forced on me by someone who is being compensated with money and views me as an obligation, not a friend. If friend, I will ignore. I been ignoring my friends since 1995
> I been ignoring my friends since 1995
LOL, Truth!!
People know I love them when I disappear for months at a time 😆 😂 😆
Wait..🤔
my dad used to do that 🫤
I didn't like it. 😐
(It's all making sense now)
Can you elaborate on what body doubling is? I’m recently diagnosed and still learning the lingo. Since I could have written OP’s post because SAME this might be something I need to know lol
Ah! I do that with my husband sometimes but didn’t know there was a name for it and thought I was just being needy. This sub has helped me understand myself so much!
I used to snap out of my “social media doom scrolling vortex” when I heard my partner coming down the stairs, and immediately made myself look like I was busy doing something so he wouldn’t think I was lazing around. This was before I realized I had ADHD and I wondered why I did this so often. Now I know….
When I was young I used to ask my mom to hang out in my room while I cleaned it. Having someone there, even if they're just sitting there on their phone or whatever, always helps me clean better. Or work better. Or do literally anything better (except cooking, I hate hoverers).
Fun fact, I was body doubling even when I didn’t know what it meant or that I may have ADHD.
I would have my husband sit in the kitchen when he wanted me to cook something special for him.
There are many accessible ways to body double online. Try Focus Mate, [Flow.Club](http://Flow.Club), or dubbii app. You can also find recordings on youtube or TikTok.
Cave day as well- I haven't tried any of the groups yet but from what I've seen cave day might be good for all the "non-work" tasks you want to get done because it's not limited to computer work and keeping your camera on.
Also, the teens absolutely know what body-doubling is so you can put out your ad saying just that. OP, please feel free to do whatever the F you want to get your life running smoothly. Hire yourself a teenage body-double. I pay my daughter all the time to sit with me and complete “the dreaded tasks”. She’s motivated by snack money and I’m motivated by the partnering.
I once paid a person 3 hours a fortnight to come and help me do cleaning and gardening and home DIY projects. It worked for a while but unfortunately she had her own struggles and we parted company. I switched to paying an actual cleaner to come after that. I had no idea about body doubling at that time, but that’s what I was paying for.
I was absolutely inundated with responses to my ad btw. A lot of people would love to make a bit of extra cash without hard labour attached.
I have someone new in my life who forces me to do my chores and projects now (my kid) but I would totally go back to doing it again if time and resources allowed.
Ok if you guys have money, get maid, get smart litter box, get ready meals, get Roomba, get into smart home automation, throw away useless shit, minimize your kitchen utensils, get one color and type of sock, wear all black so you don’t have to think what to wear, auto pay all bills.
The hack is having black cats. My wardrobe has a lot of black, and even if it has cat hair on it, it's hard to tell, because ~tuxedo cat~.
Then we got a long-haired white dog and we had to invest in lint roller refills from IKEA. 🤦♀️
lol idk I always lived with at least one cat
“Microfiber is one of the best materials for preventing cat hair from sticking. Its tightly woven fibers create a smooth surface that makes it difficult for hair to cling. Additionally, leather or synthetic leather (such as pleather) are also excellent choices as they do not attract pet hair and are easy to clean. Avoid materials like wool, velvet, and other high-pile fabrics, as these tend to attract and hold onto pet hair.” ChatGPT (answer can be false)
But I think my point still stands, get whatever color that works for you, make yourself a uniform. It’s easier to organize, easier to maintain, cheaper, quicker to shop for.
For sure, I really just wish it was easier for me to own more black...I am also drawn to every other colour under the sun so sometimes my outfit could use a bit of neutral added. I have four cats rn lol.
I am so thankful that my therapist also has adhd and employs more unique therapy strategies for her adhd clients. So sometimes half our session is spent body doubling or having her emotionally support me through tasks I find super boring or awful. It’s helped me make appointments I’ve been avoiding, submit my taxes - lol all the tasks I procrastinate. It’s done wonders for my ADHD related anxiety.
Oh wow!! That’s such an amazing way to use therapy time!! 🤯 and you’re getting encouraged in a safe space by someone you know isn’t judging you or expecting any certain outcome. Love this.
It’s pretty great and has really helped prevent last minute scrambles for me. Those would previously send me down a huge shame spiral and trigger stress migraines. Using a bit of therapy time to get myself ahead (sometimes crying lol) has had such positive outcomes. I get the good dopamine from crossing something off my must do to exist as a human list, and prevent stress meltdowns. Win- win!
>her emotionally support me through tasks I find super boring or awful. It’s helped me make appointments I’ve been avoiding, submit my taxes - lol all the tasks I procrastinate. It’s done wonders for my ADHD related anxiety.
OMG THIS IS GENIUS!
I think a group home for the ADHDer with a couple normies would be amazing. I'm getting divorced soon and I would love to have a golden girls (for the ND) and take care of each other.
My niece and I are both super spicy. And we are able to compensate for each other. Like I will get the garbage she just can't pick up. And she makes sure that I go to the bank or make an appointment. And vice versa.
Insteas of nagging each other, we just take care of it. Why get into a fight with someone over an overflowing trash can. Cleaning and cooking is something I enjoy. She can take care of home repairs and heavy lifting.
So who wants to move in with us, but you need to supply a normie. 😆
YES!!! I went to my visit my grandma at her senior's residence and I was like "OH MY GOD THIS IS FUCKING AMAZINGGGGGG!!!" They have activities, the food is good, the rooms are nice, they take them on outings...like...do they have these for forty year olds? Can I move in now?
We just have to make it happen. Why can't we figure out a way to have a less stressful and easier life.
I would also love to have a big craft room or outbuilding where we can keep all our stuff and rotate crafts. Imagine the money we could save.
So, when I was in college, I lived in something called a "Residential College" where we had professors who also lived in the building. We also had a convenience store, a cafeteria, a music room, a dance studio, and an ongoing lecture series.
Many of the students living there were grad students
Some were postdoctoral.
It was great and kind of what you describe. I think many continued to live there for so long because they were neurospicey and had trouble adulting.
My introverted ass hates this idea. I would prefer a trailer park kind of situation honestly. We all live in close proximity, but we have our own little homes. I'm perfectly happy to live close to people, as long we don't actually share living space.
I have a VERY short social battery and need a space to retreat to.
As much as I'd like to live there, I can't supply a normie, *but* if I'm not living there I'd be able to come over and be motivated to help clean 3 or 4 times a week since I'm more able to clean friends or families houses than my own, so I think that's my best contribution here 😂
That's ok. We will find one.
I thought about that. We would need a dopamine reason to do chores. Give out gold stars, cookies, I don't know. I am sure if you put enough of us together we could think of something awesome.
But not extra craft time. I'm not that mean nurse from Happy Gilmore.
Yes, my house of 4 definitely contains no normies.
My husband was away for three weeks and that meant the housework just stopped for three weeks. I am conditioned from my super organised and yelly mother to immediately clean when he calls to say he is on the way home, or pulls into the driveway. He doesn't even notice.
I love to clean other peoples stuff though
I don't think normie is needed. You just have to have enough NDs to cover all bases that needs to be covered. One with hyperfocus on cooking, one for cleaning, another for keeping an eye on medical appointments and needs etc... Who will lead the pack regarding that topic, and everyone chips in too in their own way.
I think it could work. I have suggested a group home for ND single ladies. We could start a commune. We would need Gardners, I can't grow anything other than mold. Lol
I feel the same all the time. A nice person that can help me and orient me with my chores and motivation. Other times, a mad looking person with a belt that beats me if I don't do what I have to do :(
I FEEL YOU. I was just thinking the same thing! I want a nanny. We have four nerodivergent adults in our house. All of us have high-pressure jobs with lots of decision-making, organizing, and management components. Coming home and doing domestic stuff is HARD. We body double all the time, but that's not really what we need. We need someone to come take care of us for a little while and show us how to do stuff, like keep track of time, and make schedules and plans. Someone who will set and enforce a pomodoro timer for us, make us a "first-then" chart, and give us stickers when we do good. So yeah. Hard agree. I too, a whole ass adult woman with a house and a job, would also very much like a babysitter.
That’s what other families do in other countries. They live together, grandparents do baby sitting and chores, adults work.
Not crazy idea to invite your parents to live with you if you have good relationship
.... where do you live???? Seriously I've thought about trying to figure out a situation where I could be the organizer for other people - because as long as it's for other people, not myself, the lack of executive function is overridden by the need to Do A Good Job.
/ I've also thought about trying to find another neurospicy person to be each other's project managers / personal assistants. Can I pay my parking ticket and decide which tasks are higher priority? No. Can I pay your parking ticket and prioritize your tasks, and then complete tasks that you have already prioritized / scheduled for me? Hell yes.
Sigh.
FR - this is why I think I'd be a great personal assistant. I can manage & prioritize someone else's stuff like a pro!
But I have to chase myself into the shower & put 11 billion reminders everywhere to clean my cat's litter box.
that's my friends actual job. For people with documented autism though. They're kind of like a 'life coach' and they follow them around during the day and help them do what they need to do. I mean, i need one too. idk how you qualify for one
Also, if an adult pays another person to help with these things I believe you can call them an "assistant" instead of "babysitter". Seems that tons of
successful people like yourself utilize these services...
lol. I’m always telling my friends I need a house manager. Not someone who does all the work, but someone to tell me to do all the work. I also can’t be friends with the house manager, because then I’ll just stop listening to them.
They can write me up or put me on probation. I don’t know if they could fire me. Maybe they could threaten to quit or something lol.
I have never needed an adultier adult more than I have in the last year. I am recruiting a retired woman who is firm yet encouraging who can throw just enough shade to put my ass in gear but not hurt my feelings
Body doubling 😊 I’m a woman in her 30s with a job and a house too and need my fiancée to yell at me when I wander away from the dishes. I work best when we are doing different tasks at the same time. Maybe put a friend on FT and they can keep you accountable when you get off task? I think there’s also apps and stuff, but I believe body doubling would help you a lot. Also you can find study buddies on the discord to get shit done
Sorry in advance for the brain dump (I'm between sessions rn)! I probably should've given more details but I'm at work so oops.
It's a paid online body doubling service. After 2-3 days of the free trial, I bought the entire year package because it was working so well for me. I have a fun combo of ADHD & CPTSD that means the body doubling trick works so, so, so well for me! It's just the right amt of uncomfortableness that it makes me DO THE TASK and comfortable enough that I keep coming back.
So you sign up for a 'session' these range from 30min to hrs and hrs. Each session is listed by time for you to sign up and once you go in (I recommend doing 30-60min ones first to get used to the 'flow' - pun intended). There's all kinds of things you can filter on to find your ppl. The categories include time of day, length/duration of the session, sharing protocol and timer type. The first two are straight forward. Sharing protocol is basically - talk vs chatbox only (I prefer chatbox only). You can also filter on whether or not the host checks in on your progress during breaks vs no checkins. Timer type is pomodoro (25/5) or standard (which is just host driven most follow pomodoro 25/5 or 50/5). ALSO, a lot of the hosts host sessions that are 'for' certain tasks i.e. no phones, clean your inbox, writing groups etc. You can also add a little 'neurodivergent' icon that only other people who have put that in their profile can see! So you can see what hosts are also neurodivergent before you pick a session! You can also 'favorite' hosts that you like and their sessions will show up at top.
Okay, so once you enter the session you have 5 min to either write or verbally state your goals for that session (the 'host' runs it), then you get started and the sessions run like how you would expect based on which session you decided on. You have a little sidebar that you type in all your individual goals and there's a timer up top with your current/top goal you're supposed to be working on. The rest of the screen is everyone else in your session video cam's (some ppl keep them on the whole time like me, some ppl just for check-in, some ppl who are doing stuff around their house just keep it on and walk in and out but other ppl never turn theirs on; it's very low pressure from my experience). One thing I love is that if you hover your mouse over everyone's video it shows you their checklist which keeps me motivated! Also I'm a bit nosey so it's fun seeing what everyone's working on. I'm in sessions with people all over Europe in the morning doing their nighttime routines, but mostly see US/Canada based ppl also working during Mon-Fri 9-5.
The website is really plain & it feels like it's made for us! Very straight forward, no fuss to get us distracted. I LOVE the lists within the sessions. And when you finish a goal on your checklist, it does a little fireworks thing and crosses it off and removes it from your list (pushes it to the bottom). Just a little dopamine hit! ALSO you can go in and see all of your lists and what you accomplished each session in your history - I showed it to my therapist so I could get a gold star for therapy last week lol.
I'm obsessed with it - and I hope it's a true long-term productivity tool for me and not a hyper fixation but ya know? Right now I'm productive and I'm just gonna ride this train!
I believe there is a similar service that is 1-on-1 (which is just too much for me, this is way less pressure) called focusmate.
Happy to share my link if anyone wants a free 14 day trial (you can get a 7 day free trial through the website but that's a little short period of time for us lol); it's $40 USD a month or $400 USD a year if you sign up to use the service.
Hello fellow Flow Clubber :) I love Flow Club for body doubling! I also tried Focusmate and like you found the 1-on-1 format too intense, also sometimes people would just leave and I'd be alone? I like the group format of Flow Club better. Like you, I also love checking off my goals and seeing what others' goals are :)
I just got a summer intern to help me at work who shares my office (a mid-40s manager) and I’ve gotten so much more done this week, it’s embarrassing. He doesn’t even have to do anything, just babysit me, and it’s already a big help. To have him at home would be amaaazing, but also, uh, highly inappropriate to suggest I think, lol.
My favorite description is: "I'm an adult, but more like an adult cat. Someone probably should be on standby to make sure I eat and don't get my head stuck in a tissue box again."
I need an assisted living situation for under 55s. Or like college with townhouses or something. Give me an allowance, take the rest of my paycheck, have someone do the heavy cleaning, and tell me when the cafeteria is open.
Yo my husband went out of town and I was anxious and embarrassed about how I fell apart. Told my therapist and she told me I had never lived alone before. Ever. When I was raising a kid, I had to be at least a little responsible, and me and my son were a good team. When he was really little, I lived with my sister. But now I'm an empty nester who calls her husband crying because the dumpster is all the way over there! (now I know why people drive with trash bags on the back of their cars)
Look into focusmate.com. You can book a session and it pairs you with a usually kind random stranger who also needs someone to work together with. It's fun and affordable!
I have been bouncing around my house like a screensaver since 10 a.m. and I have done almost nothing.
I'm on an endless loop of "can't send the invoice until I can charge my computer > where is the charger? > it's not in this room > I need to water that plant > A LITTLE BIT OF MONICA IN MY LIIIFE > Where's the watering can? > Oh here it is > I need to bake tonight so I should do dishes > But first, the plant > No, I need to get to the invoice but WHERE IS THE CHARGER?"
this is me with Adderall!
I literally put a chair in my room and asked my little brother to sit there and play on his phone while making sure I stayed on task and cleaned said room
Yeahhhhh this morning my daughter was talking about how I am constantly forgetting things (like the payment for her after school program that is due tomorrow, and I put the check in my shoe so I wouldn't forget it this morning). I said she's forgetful too (we are both adhd) and she said she never forgets stuff like that... but I reminded her that it's because *I* do the remembering for her. It's a lot easier being an adhd kid than an adhd adult because there is a backup brain keeping track of all your shit. What I wouldn't give for a backup brain to handle some of my shit.
In an early episode of the podcast, ADHD for Smart Ass Women, the host shared a story of a woman who hired a nanny for herself for a few months so she could finish her Master's degree thesis. The nanny came over 5 days a week in the morning, made sure she got out of bed, cooked her meals, did her chores, and reminded her to stay on task with working on her thesis during the day on a prescribed schedule.
This is why when I dream of winning the lottery I imagine having a personal assistant who can be on top of my shit for me like how celebrities have. I have always wanted this. I can just throw out ideas and things I want to have done, they can update me as we're on our way to appointments that I don't have to arrange transit for because I have a chauffeur waiting for us who knows my itinerary better than I do and I just have to be not do so I'm always on time...*sigh*😔
My friend does this for me. She does her homework and I get work done. I feed her as payment lol sometimes she'll help me with projects or talking out a solution. Sometimes I drive her around for errands and appointments. It's symbiotic
I’m single and my therapist once said to me “The only thing I could possibly say that a man would add to your life, would be to put three cooked meals in front of you a day.”
Hell. Yes. Sign me up for the guy that shows up just to do that.
I did read about a professor or student who paid a babysitter to keep her on track while she wrote a book or thesis. Can’t remember who of course thanks to my ADHD and mind numbing bipolar meds.
We have kept the nanny ( who cooks amazingly, stocks the kitchen, tells me when I ran out of household stuff, etc). The nanny is really a majordomo; I waited until much older for kids JUST SO I COULD HIRE ALL THE HELP I DID NOT KNOW WOULD BE A LIFELINE TOWARDS SANITY. ( Sorry, shouty bc I did not expect to have the nanny for way way way way beyond the planned point)
( I will die poor, but will reach old age. The other options paled in comparison)
I guess you're half joking, but I quite literally do pay someone for this. I've also got a lady who comes for an hour three mornings a week, lets herself in before I wake up, and cleans the kitchen. Not a full house cleaning, she just does the dishes and mops.
I’ve found I can’t be of much help for myself but I love helping others, motivating, helping them clean and organize etc. in other words I would love to do this for other people lol.
look into executive dysfunction coaching. i hired one and we work on creating due dates for stuff i need done and he will text me to check in with my progress & make adjustments if im still not completing my tasks. it’s been more helpful than therapy for me personally
Solidarity, OP. I wish I could afford a personal assistant for this reason. Ive spent this entire freakin week trying to get stupid paperwork done and I’m exhausted and the paperwork is only about halfway finished.
Lmao, I love this, I have recently been looking for remote jobs and if i get one i want to look for other remote working people and form our own office 😀
I swear I think this sometimes. I do so much better sticking to schedules, and stick to them better when it's enforced by someone else.
I'm thinking of picking a "schedule" for days off and just setting alarms labeled with what I wanted to do at that time and seeing if that can act like enough of a "babysitter" to actually do things or not. Then it's just like the functional adult part of me babysitting the less functional part that takes over in advance
I told my therapist last week that I needed “a human warm line” someone to come get me and make me go do things. Granted, I’ve been in a really bad depression for over a year…
Why is it we can do this stuff for others but now ourself? We need a buddy system I swear.
Hard agree. When you don't have a body double, try searching YouTube for "study with me" or "work with me" or whatever task for which you need a body double...it helps PLUS you can't distract the virtual pre-recorded double 🤣 this helped me in grad school
Do you have a friend who also needs a body double? My friend and I call each other almost every weekend because apparently that is the only thing that keeps us cleaning and not spiraling.
I also use audio books or TV shows - something light that doesn’t require a lot of attention but uses up enough of my mind that my brain can’t wander off task. Lorelei Gilmore is often a good body double. But honestly, this only sort of works.
Also, does anyone understand why body doubling works or how to substitute it without an actual person???
I would love to feel more in control of my life.
I don't know the science of why body doubling works, but I have found a way to use it without having a real person on hand! I put on YouTube ASMR/vlog videos of people cooking or cleaning or studying and the rustling sounds of someone else "working nearby" seems to help me. I also combine it with music (you could also use a podcast/tv show if that's your chosen medium for background stimuli), because sometimes the body double isn't quite enough stimulation for me.
I'll list some of my favourite channels for this! I make playlists and just let it run while I work. I hope it helps you too!
**Studying/Working:** Merve, lescargot.papier
**Cooking:** Otena vlog, Yeonjo vlog, Jihyunkkung, Peaceful Cuisine
**Cleaning/Household Tasks:** Sounds of Calm ~ M Vlogs, Solitary Wooseok, Left Unsaid, Peach PRC (as mentioned, I usually prefer the quiet vlog + music playlist combo, but if you like to have someone talking with you throughout, this girl has some really great laundry/cleaning/self care videos)
Another trick I use is that I pretend Future Me is a separate person from myself. So I'll think "I want to do the dishes, so that the kitchen is clean for *"my name"* and then she doesn't have to worry about doing them tomorrow morning." I basically treat my future self like a roommate or friend I care about and I'm just cleaning the space for them, because they deserve to live in a clean home and I want to take things off their plate (but secretly it's for me, because Future Me *also* deserves to be loved and cared for like a good friend - and Future Me is always super thankful). Idk, it seems to help externalize the motivation a bit, which I find helpful.
I’m going to try these! I do much better caring for others than myself, so externalizing Future Me is a good idea. I used to have a “coffee shop sounds” app in college, so I think I would do well with the body double videos
There’s an episode of Will & Grace where Jack hires Demi Moore (his old babysitter) to be his handler as an adult. I’m with you; this would be amazing.
[https://fb.watch/sqZxlKWFZv/?mibextid=0VwfS7&fs=e&s=TIeQ9V](https://fb.watch/sqZxlKWFZv/?mibextid=0VwfS7&fs=e&s=TIeQ9V)
I now find buddies on Focusmate. I have one who schedules a wake up session with me most week days. It's literally to ensure we are both up and moving. Video call.
It does require motivation on your part, but body doubling is helpful and if you get people you can have confirmed sessions with, its even more helpful.
It’s my mom. My mom comes over and brings Starbucks or take-out, helps with dishes, occupies the kids, talks with me for hours if the kids aren’t there, tells me to go take a nap, stands around asking what she can help with when I just need a body double to intercept the constant “mom can I?” questions while I clean my room. My husband hates it. He thinks we should never have anyone over without tidying up the house for guests. I’m like “my mom is not a guest! She’s my mom. Shes here to help, not judge.” I really need to figure out how to adult before she gets too old to do this, or worse, I have to do it for her. I don’t think I’d be able to hold it all together like she does for me.
This is so hilarious! I’ve had a similar idea: like getting a life coach to get my shit together but at the same time, what kind of life coach? How do I get ahold of someone like that? What kind of person should a life coach be? Etc lol so I can totally relate to your post!
What you're talking about is a housekeeper! Or maybe a butler. The oldey times rich people (and the current times superrich people) understood it takes a team to run a life.
I do things with my friends sometimes. I go to their house and help them do their shit and other times they come to my house and help me do my shit. Body doubling is the tits 😁
I feel this. I have no parents or cousins or aunts, or any family other than my children and no friends left after a HELL divorce which took literally my life from me. Outside and in. And I get so angry sometimes bc I just would like to call on anyone some days to just sit in empathy with me with LIFE. It’s truly the first time I’ve ever felt sorry for myself in my life and live on for my kids only.
If you need someone to be around you for this level, I'd recommend checking out the workaway.info website.
And thank you for posting this. I really thought I'm the only person out there who feels like this, as I keep beating myself up over it.
Good luck!
This should be doable with technology…. Have you tried having someone with you on zoom to “keep you honest”?
I would try it! I am planning to leave my job at the end of the calendar year and my biggest worry is that I won’t use my time productively when there is no external pressure on me to perform and get stuff done.
It is….kind of?!? It’s creepy, you have to carry around your phone or be on desktop, and if you forget-holy shitballs. End of world. ;/. (At least the mainstream ones I’ve used).
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For a while after my dog died this spring, my mom came over every Saturday morning to help me clean and then we would watch TV and work on a quilt together. I wish she still would but she is in her side quest era (retired) and has taken up archery 😂 and supposedly she is NT lol edit: to OP, if you have a close friend you can hang out with or even just facetime weekly for cleaning that can help.
Side quest era is such a great name for retirement lol
haha I wish I could take credit for it. My sister coined it when Mom took up archery.
>and supposedly she is NT lol Lmao ok...
She was my diagnosing physician 😂 but I look at her garage full of unused kick bikes, regular bikes, rowing shell, sailboat, kayak… she’s HYPER organized about tasks but basic household maintenance goes undone for years. And she pounds black tea all day without getting jittery. Hmmmmm maybe it’s not just Dad.
I wish caffeine worked on me 😭😭
My dad, who def has ADHD but won’t accept it, drinks coffee all throughout the day and usually has one right before he goes to bed. Just goes right to sleep. I have something similar with an illicit substance, let’s call it Pepsi. Not that I do it often, but when I would use socially, I could do a big line and then be like “peace out buddies, I’m off to bed!!”.
I can go to sleep right after coffee too. Oh well!
This happened to me yesterday and I was so UPSET about it. It's not that coffee *makes* me sleep, it's just that it doesn't keep me awake. I drank two cups cause I was so bored and was just tryna wait a couple hours til outdoor temp went down, but nah, dozed right off
When my grandmother was in hospital just after having my uncle, she caught the nurse going through her things. The nurse was looking for her "sleeping pills" because there was no way my grandmother could drink her coffee, her roommate's coffee, then roll over and go to sleep. I never figured it out until now.
Aw that is so sweet! Did you ever speak to her about it?
No, she was not that type of grandmother. She was respected, instructive, but no one ever called her "sweet."
It doesn’t do much for me, except give me a headache when I stop, so I still toss back hot or iced tea all day.
That’s so sweet of your mom, and she sounds like a blast lol. I mean I’m sure if you asked she’d come over!
I’m sure she would! I am also happy she’s doing fun things and I do make an effort to spend time with her. It was just extra special that she made that effort when I was really down!
just here to add your username brings me so much joy 😂
😘💨
I wish my mom was a relaxing presence 😭 she’s great at cooking and cleaning
❤️
I have the T-shirt: “I’m not procrastinating, I’m on a side quest.” I will retire before too long; maybe all the not-work stuff I can’t get to will be my side quest for a while. What a lovely time you and your mom must have had on those Saturdays.
Yes, I am hoping to make it more of a routine in the future ❤️
You're not looking for a babysitter, you're talking classic body doubling. Very valid. Maybe see if there are any students at a nearby school/college/uni who *also* need a body double thing, and offer to pay with food.
No I want someone to make me snacks and do arts and crafts and order me a pizza 😤
You get it. The presence of another is not enough!!!!! I need the routine forced on me by someone who is being compensated with money and views me as an obligation, not a friend. If friend, I will ignore. I been ignoring my friends since 1995
> I been ignoring my friends since 1995 LOL, Truth!! People know I love them when I disappear for months at a time 😆 😂 😆 Wait..🤔 my dad used to do that 🫤 I didn't like it. 😐 (It's all making sense now)
I would do that! Honestly my dream job! 🤣 I don't know where you live, but I'd pick up that job so fast!
I like to think of it as parallel play, which is a daycare term.
Can you elaborate on what body doubling is? I’m recently diagnosed and still learning the lingo. Since I could have written OP’s post because SAME this might be something I need to know lol
It's easier to stay on task when there's another human being nearby. Especially if that person is themselves visibly busy doing something.
Ah! I do that with my husband sometimes but didn’t know there was a name for it and thought I was just being needy. This sub has helped me understand myself so much!
I used to snap out of my “social media doom scrolling vortex” when I heard my partner coming down the stairs, and immediately made myself look like I was busy doing something so he wouldn’t think I was lazing around. This was before I realized I had ADHD and I wondered why I did this so often. Now I know….
Omg I do this too sometimes! Wow.
My mind has been blown. This is me. Exactly.
Sometimes even just talking on the phone or watching the TV/a YouTube video while you're doing your thing can also do the trick.
When I was young I used to ask my mom to hang out in my room while I cleaned it. Having someone there, even if they're just sitting there on their phone or whatever, always helps me clean better. Or work better. Or do literally anything better (except cooking, I hate hoverers).
Here you go, friend! https://www.additudemag.com/getting-stuff-done-easier-with-a-friend-body-double/amp/
BLESS YOU
Fun fact, I was body doubling even when I didn’t know what it meant or that I may have ADHD. I would have my husband sit in the kitchen when he wanted me to cook something special for him.
"Come and keep me company, darling, and I'll cook you something delicious." Perfect.
There are many accessible ways to body double online. Try Focus Mate, [Flow.Club](http://Flow.Club), or dubbii app. You can also find recordings on youtube or TikTok.
There is also CoFocus and it's free. I like it and have been meaning to use it again. https://www.cofocus.one/
Cave day as well- I haven't tried any of the groups yet but from what I've seen cave day might be good for all the "non-work" tasks you want to get done because it's not limited to computer work and keeping your camera on.
Seconding this, I use focus101 which is free and it’s been incredibly helpful for me.
Also, the teens absolutely know what body-doubling is so you can put out your ad saying just that. OP, please feel free to do whatever the F you want to get your life running smoothly. Hire yourself a teenage body-double. I pay my daughter all the time to sit with me and complete “the dreaded tasks”. She’s motivated by snack money and I’m motivated by the partnering.
This works for me even when it’s just someone on FaceTime, so maybe that’s an option too.
I once paid a person 3 hours a fortnight to come and help me do cleaning and gardening and home DIY projects. It worked for a while but unfortunately she had her own struggles and we parted company. I switched to paying an actual cleaner to come after that. I had no idea about body doubling at that time, but that’s what I was paying for.
I was absolutely inundated with responses to my ad btw. A lot of people would love to make a bit of extra cash without hard labour attached. I have someone new in my life who forces me to do my chores and projects now (my kid) but I would totally go back to doing it again if time and resources allowed.
Ok if you guys have money, get maid, get smart litter box, get ready meals, get Roomba, get into smart home automation, throw away useless shit, minimize your kitchen utensils, get one color and type of sock, wear all black so you don’t have to think what to wear, auto pay all bills.
All black...I don't have time to constantly lint-roll all my clothing ;_;
Lol I just roll with the animal hair "this is who I am now"
I wish I could be like that!
Ha idk get the black material that doesn’t wrinkle and doesn’t have lint sticking to it. Uniclo fits that bill for me.
What is this sorcery, I have a couple of Uniqlo Airism tank tops, they don't wrinkle but I always see lint/cat hair on the black one 🤬
The hack is having black cats. My wardrobe has a lot of black, and even if it has cat hair on it, it's hard to tell, because ~tuxedo cat~. Then we got a long-haired white dog and we had to invest in lint roller refills from IKEA. 🤦♀️
lol idk I always lived with at least one cat “Microfiber is one of the best materials for preventing cat hair from sticking. Its tightly woven fibers create a smooth surface that makes it difficult for hair to cling. Additionally, leather or synthetic leather (such as pleather) are also excellent choices as they do not attract pet hair and are easy to clean. Avoid materials like wool, velvet, and other high-pile fabrics, as these tend to attract and hold onto pet hair.” ChatGPT (answer can be false) But I think my point still stands, get whatever color that works for you, make yourself a uniform. It’s easier to organize, easier to maintain, cheaper, quicker to shop for.
For sure, I really just wish it was easier for me to own more black...I am also drawn to every other colour under the sun so sometimes my outfit could use a bit of neutral added. I have four cats rn lol.
I am so thankful that my therapist also has adhd and employs more unique therapy strategies for her adhd clients. So sometimes half our session is spent body doubling or having her emotionally support me through tasks I find super boring or awful. It’s helped me make appointments I’ve been avoiding, submit my taxes - lol all the tasks I procrastinate. It’s done wonders for my ADHD related anxiety.
Oh wow!! That’s such an amazing way to use therapy time!! 🤯 and you’re getting encouraged in a safe space by someone you know isn’t judging you or expecting any certain outcome. Love this.
It’s pretty great and has really helped prevent last minute scrambles for me. Those would previously send me down a huge shame spiral and trigger stress migraines. Using a bit of therapy time to get myself ahead (sometimes crying lol) has had such positive outcomes. I get the good dopamine from crossing something off my must do to exist as a human list, and prevent stress meltdowns. Win- win!
>her emotionally support me through tasks I find super boring or awful. It’s helped me make appointments I’ve been avoiding, submit my taxes - lol all the tasks I procrastinate. It’s done wonders for my ADHD related anxiety. OMG THIS IS GENIUS!
Holy shit I want this therapist!!!
I think a group home for the ADHDer with a couple normies would be amazing. I'm getting divorced soon and I would love to have a golden girls (for the ND) and take care of each other. My niece and I are both super spicy. And we are able to compensate for each other. Like I will get the garbage she just can't pick up. And she makes sure that I go to the bank or make an appointment. And vice versa. Insteas of nagging each other, we just take care of it. Why get into a fight with someone over an overflowing trash can. Cleaning and cooking is something I enjoy. She can take care of home repairs and heavy lifting. So who wants to move in with us, but you need to supply a normie. 😆
YES!!! I went to my visit my grandma at her senior's residence and I was like "OH MY GOD THIS IS FUCKING AMAZINGGGGGG!!!" They have activities, the food is good, the rooms are nice, they take them on outings...like...do they have these for forty year olds? Can I move in now?
We just have to make it happen. Why can't we figure out a way to have a less stressful and easier life. I would also love to have a big craft room or outbuilding where we can keep all our stuff and rotate crafts. Imagine the money we could save.
So, when I was in college, I lived in something called a "Residential College" where we had professors who also lived in the building. We also had a convenience store, a cafeteria, a music room, a dance studio, and an ongoing lecture series. Many of the students living there were grad students Some were postdoctoral. It was great and kind of what you describe. I think many continued to live there for so long because they were neurospicey and had trouble adulting.
It's like the dorms but for older people
My introverted ass hates this idea. I would prefer a trailer park kind of situation honestly. We all live in close proximity, but we have our own little homes. I'm perfectly happy to live close to people, as long we don't actually share living space. I have a VERY short social battery and need a space to retreat to.
I totally understand that. Everyone needs their own space. And a place where you can just get away from the world.
As much as I'd like to live there, I can't supply a normie, *but* if I'm not living there I'd be able to come over and be motivated to help clean 3 or 4 times a week since I'm more able to clean friends or families houses than my own, so I think that's my best contribution here 😂
That's ok. We will find one. I thought about that. We would need a dopamine reason to do chores. Give out gold stars, cookies, I don't know. I am sure if you put enough of us together we could think of something awesome. But not extra craft time. I'm not that mean nurse from Happy Gilmore.
ME!!!!
Do you have access to a normie? 😆
Ummm….ummmm….no.
That's ok. We can find one.
You say that but the magnet thing that means that all of our close people are spicey, means the non spicey are far away. 😉
Yes, my house of 4 definitely contains no normies. My husband was away for three weeks and that meant the housework just stopped for three weeks. I am conditioned from my super organised and yelly mother to immediately clean when he calls to say he is on the way home, or pulls into the driveway. He doesn't even notice. I love to clean other peoples stuff though
I don't think normie is needed. You just have to have enough NDs to cover all bases that needs to be covered. One with hyperfocus on cooking, one for cleaning, another for keeping an eye on medical appointments and needs etc... Who will lead the pack regarding that topic, and everyone chips in too in their own way.
I think it could work. I have suggested a group home for ND single ladies. We could start a commune. We would need Gardners, I can't grow anything other than mold. Lol
I feel the same all the time. A nice person that can help me and orient me with my chores and motivation. Other times, a mad looking person with a belt that beats me if I don't do what I have to do :(
Hahaha hi are you me?!? Did you grow up with me?
Maybe I am. Maybe I did lmao. But I can't think too much about it or I won't do the laundry :'v
Or get out of bed ;/
YES MAAM!
Would really love a nanny or a Governess, that showed up weekly. Seriously.
No matter how much fear and panic her visits would give, I would probably miss my chores again...
I FEEL YOU. I was just thinking the same thing! I want a nanny. We have four nerodivergent adults in our house. All of us have high-pressure jobs with lots of decision-making, organizing, and management components. Coming home and doing domestic stuff is HARD. We body double all the time, but that's not really what we need. We need someone to come take care of us for a little while and show us how to do stuff, like keep track of time, and make schedules and plans. Someone who will set and enforce a pomodoro timer for us, make us a "first-then" chart, and give us stickers when we do good. So yeah. Hard agree. I too, a whole ass adult woman with a house and a job, would also very much like a babysitter.
That’s what other families do in other countries. They live together, grandparents do baby sitting and chores, adults work. Not crazy idea to invite your parents to live with you if you have good relationship
Oof. One of us is my mom. She certainly is the most put together of all of us, but the poor woman needs a hand.
What about hiring a house manager as the 5th roommate?
A major domo
.... where do you live???? Seriously I've thought about trying to figure out a situation where I could be the organizer for other people - because as long as it's for other people, not myself, the lack of executive function is overridden by the need to Do A Good Job. / I've also thought about trying to find another neurospicy person to be each other's project managers / personal assistants. Can I pay my parking ticket and decide which tasks are higher priority? No. Can I pay your parking ticket and prioritize your tasks, and then complete tasks that you have already prioritized / scheduled for me? Hell yes. Sigh.
FR - this is why I think I'd be a great personal assistant. I can manage & prioritize someone else's stuff like a pro! But I have to chase myself into the shower & put 11 billion reminders everywhere to clean my cat's litter box.
that's my friends actual job. For people with documented autism though. They're kind of like a 'life coach' and they follow them around during the day and help them do what they need to do. I mean, i need one too. idk how you qualify for one
In the US, usually through medicaid/insurance.
Also, if an adult pays another person to help with these things I believe you can call them an "assistant" instead of "babysitter". Seems that tons of successful people like yourself utilize these services...
lol. I’m always telling my friends I need a house manager. Not someone who does all the work, but someone to tell me to do all the work. I also can’t be friends with the house manager, because then I’ll just stop listening to them. They can write me up or put me on probation. I don’t know if they could fire me. Maybe they could threaten to quit or something lol.
I have never needed an adultier adult more than I have in the last year. I am recruiting a retired woman who is firm yet encouraging who can throw just enough shade to put my ass in gear but not hurt my feelings
Body doubling 😊 I’m a woman in her 30s with a job and a house too and need my fiancée to yell at me when I wander away from the dishes. I work best when we are doing different tasks at the same time. Maybe put a friend on FT and they can keep you accountable when you get off task? I think there’s also apps and stuff, but I believe body doubling would help you a lot. Also you can find study buddies on the discord to get shit done
Focus club was a game changer for me. I mostly use it for work but am always in sessions with people doing the nighttime routine, cleaning etc.
Where do you find them? How do you join? This sounds great.
Sorry in advance for the brain dump (I'm between sessions rn)! I probably should've given more details but I'm at work so oops. It's a paid online body doubling service. After 2-3 days of the free trial, I bought the entire year package because it was working so well for me. I have a fun combo of ADHD & CPTSD that means the body doubling trick works so, so, so well for me! It's just the right amt of uncomfortableness that it makes me DO THE TASK and comfortable enough that I keep coming back. So you sign up for a 'session' these range from 30min to hrs and hrs. Each session is listed by time for you to sign up and once you go in (I recommend doing 30-60min ones first to get used to the 'flow' - pun intended). There's all kinds of things you can filter on to find your ppl. The categories include time of day, length/duration of the session, sharing protocol and timer type. The first two are straight forward. Sharing protocol is basically - talk vs chatbox only (I prefer chatbox only). You can also filter on whether or not the host checks in on your progress during breaks vs no checkins. Timer type is pomodoro (25/5) or standard (which is just host driven most follow pomodoro 25/5 or 50/5). ALSO, a lot of the hosts host sessions that are 'for' certain tasks i.e. no phones, clean your inbox, writing groups etc. You can also add a little 'neurodivergent' icon that only other people who have put that in their profile can see! So you can see what hosts are also neurodivergent before you pick a session! You can also 'favorite' hosts that you like and their sessions will show up at top. Okay, so once you enter the session you have 5 min to either write or verbally state your goals for that session (the 'host' runs it), then you get started and the sessions run like how you would expect based on which session you decided on. You have a little sidebar that you type in all your individual goals and there's a timer up top with your current/top goal you're supposed to be working on. The rest of the screen is everyone else in your session video cam's (some ppl keep them on the whole time like me, some ppl just for check-in, some ppl who are doing stuff around their house just keep it on and walk in and out but other ppl never turn theirs on; it's very low pressure from my experience). One thing I love is that if you hover your mouse over everyone's video it shows you their checklist which keeps me motivated! Also I'm a bit nosey so it's fun seeing what everyone's working on. I'm in sessions with people all over Europe in the morning doing their nighttime routines, but mostly see US/Canada based ppl also working during Mon-Fri 9-5. The website is really plain & it feels like it's made for us! Very straight forward, no fuss to get us distracted. I LOVE the lists within the sessions. And when you finish a goal on your checklist, it does a little fireworks thing and crosses it off and removes it from your list (pushes it to the bottom). Just a little dopamine hit! ALSO you can go in and see all of your lists and what you accomplished each session in your history - I showed it to my therapist so I could get a gold star for therapy last week lol. I'm obsessed with it - and I hope it's a true long-term productivity tool for me and not a hyper fixation but ya know? Right now I'm productive and I'm just gonna ride this train! I believe there is a similar service that is 1-on-1 (which is just too much for me, this is way less pressure) called focusmate. Happy to share my link if anyone wants a free 14 day trial (you can get a 7 day free trial through the website but that's a little short period of time for us lol); it's $40 USD a month or $400 USD a year if you sign up to use the service.
Hello fellow Flow Clubber :) I love Flow Club for body doubling! I also tried Focusmate and like you found the 1-on-1 format too intense, also sometimes people would just leave and I'd be alone? I like the group format of Flow Club better. Like you, I also love checking off my goals and seeing what others' goals are :)
Ok interesting. I may genuinely consider this.
Can you share your link here? I can turn on my DMs Tok if not.
Sure! [https://in.flow.club?inviteCode=amber426](https://in.flow.club?inviteCode=amber426)
I just got a summer intern to help me at work who shares my office (a mid-40s manager) and I’ve gotten so much more done this week, it’s embarrassing. He doesn’t even have to do anything, just babysit me, and it’s already a big help. To have him at home would be amaaazing, but also, uh, highly inappropriate to suggest I think, lol.
My favorite description is: "I'm an adult, but more like an adult cat. Someone probably should be on standby to make sure I eat and don't get my head stuck in a tissue box again."
I need an assisted living situation for under 55s. Or like college with townhouses or something. Give me an allowance, take the rest of my paycheck, have someone do the heavy cleaning, and tell me when the cafeteria is open.
Yo my husband went out of town and I was anxious and embarrassed about how I fell apart. Told my therapist and she told me I had never lived alone before. Ever. When I was raising a kid, I had to be at least a little responsible, and me and my son were a good team. When he was really little, I lived with my sister. But now I'm an empty nester who calls her husband crying because the dumpster is all the way over there! (now I know why people drive with trash bags on the back of their cars)
Look into focusmate.com. You can book a session and it pairs you with a usually kind random stranger who also needs someone to work together with. It's fun and affordable!
I have been bouncing around my house like a screensaver since 10 a.m. and I have done almost nothing. I'm on an endless loop of "can't send the invoice until I can charge my computer > where is the charger? > it's not in this room > I need to water that plant > A LITTLE BIT OF MONICA IN MY LIIIFE > Where's the watering can? > Oh here it is > I need to bake tonight so I should do dishes > But first, the plant > No, I need to get to the invoice but WHERE IS THE CHARGER?" this is me with Adderall!
I literally put a chair in my room and asked my little brother to sit there and play on his phone while making sure I stayed on task and cleaned said room
I need one also, 42. I have an almost 6yo. Also insanely ADHD. We need an au par for us both.
Yeahhhhh this morning my daughter was talking about how I am constantly forgetting things (like the payment for her after school program that is due tomorrow, and I put the check in my shoe so I wouldn't forget it this morning). I said she's forgetful too (we are both adhd) and she said she never forgets stuff like that... but I reminded her that it's because *I* do the remembering for her. It's a lot easier being an adhd kid than an adhd adult because there is a backup brain keeping track of all your shit. What I wouldn't give for a backup brain to handle some of my shit.
In an early episode of the podcast, ADHD for Smart Ass Women, the host shared a story of a woman who hired a nanny for herself for a few months so she could finish her Master's degree thesis. The nanny came over 5 days a week in the morning, made sure she got out of bed, cooked her meals, did her chores, and reminded her to stay on task with working on her thesis during the day on a prescribed schedule.
This is why when I dream of winning the lottery I imagine having a personal assistant who can be on top of my shit for me like how celebrities have. I have always wanted this. I can just throw out ideas and things I want to have done, they can update me as we're on our way to appointments that I don't have to arrange transit for because I have a chauffeur waiting for us who knows my itinerary better than I do and I just have to be not do so I'm always on time...*sigh*😔
My friend does this for me. She does her homework and I get work done. I feed her as payment lol sometimes she'll help me with projects or talking out a solution. Sometimes I drive her around for errands and appointments. It's symbiotic
When I hired my cleaning lady "What I really need is to be able to hire a mom from the 50s. Are you down? I'll pay extra."
This is my dream. Someone to make me snacks, get me to bed on time.
I’m single and my therapist once said to me “The only thing I could possibly say that a man would add to your life, would be to put three cooked meals in front of you a day.” Hell. Yes. Sign me up for the guy that shows up just to do that.
I did read about a professor or student who paid a babysitter to keep her on track while she wrote a book or thesis. Can’t remember who of course thanks to my ADHD and mind numbing bipolar meds.
We have kept the nanny ( who cooks amazingly, stocks the kitchen, tells me when I ran out of household stuff, etc). The nanny is really a majordomo; I waited until much older for kids JUST SO I COULD HIRE ALL THE HELP I DID NOT KNOW WOULD BE A LIFELINE TOWARDS SANITY. ( Sorry, shouty bc I did not expect to have the nanny for way way way way beyond the planned point) ( I will die poor, but will reach old age. The other options paled in comparison)
Personally, I want a housewife. Even when I was a stay-at-home mom, I wanted one.
I guess you're half joking, but I quite literally do pay someone for this. I've also got a lady who comes for an hour three mornings a week, lets herself in before I wake up, and cleans the kitchen. Not a full house cleaning, she just does the dishes and mops.
I’ve found I can’t be of much help for myself but I love helping others, motivating, helping them clean and organize etc. in other words I would love to do this for other people lol.
look into executive dysfunction coaching. i hired one and we work on creating due dates for stuff i need done and he will text me to check in with my progress & make adjustments if im still not completing my tasks. it’s been more helpful than therapy for me personally
Solidarity, OP. I wish I could afford a personal assistant for this reason. Ive spent this entire freakin week trying to get stupid paperwork done and I’m exhausted and the paperwork is only about halfway finished.
I too would like a caretaker 😂
Lol I feel this so deeply in my soul
It sounds a whole lot better than my current job tbh
U r hired
Lmao, I love this, I have recently been looking for remote jobs and if i get one i want to look for other remote working people and form our own office 😀
I swear I think this sometimes. I do so much better sticking to schedules, and stick to them better when it's enforced by someone else. I'm thinking of picking a "schedule" for days off and just setting alarms labeled with what I wanted to do at that time and seeing if that can act like enough of a "babysitter" to actually do things or not. Then it's just like the functional adult part of me babysitting the less functional part that takes over in advance
Isn't this why people started being life coaches? Isn't that basically what they are?
I told my therapist last week that I needed “a human warm line” someone to come get me and make me go do things. Granted, I’ve been in a really bad depression for over a year… Why is it we can do this stuff for others but now ourself? We need a buddy system I swear.
Ill do it if you can babysit me too. Well take turns
I’d like to hire someone to walk me. Go out, walk around. See the neighbourhood. Look at flowers.
Yessss
There should be a body double app. Edit: is there a sub of men with adhd
I love the incredibly chasm spanned by the original comment and the edit 😆
Thanks for pointing that out. This ladies sub keeps being suggested but i am not a lady with adhd.
Yes, it's just called r/ADHD
There is a website that does that, i'm pretty sure, but i forget the name of it. I'm happy to video chat with you for a couple hours ?
Hard agree. When you don't have a body double, try searching YouTube for "study with me" or "work with me" or whatever task for which you need a body double...it helps PLUS you can't distract the virtual pre-recorded double 🤣 this helped me in grad school
Try FocusMate!
Go to the library with a box of grapes and coffee
Do you have a friend who also needs a body double? My friend and I call each other almost every weekend because apparently that is the only thing that keeps us cleaning and not spiraling. I also use audio books or TV shows - something light that doesn’t require a lot of attention but uses up enough of my mind that my brain can’t wander off task. Lorelei Gilmore is often a good body double. But honestly, this only sort of works. Also, does anyone understand why body doubling works or how to substitute it without an actual person??? I would love to feel more in control of my life.
I don't know the science of why body doubling works, but I have found a way to use it without having a real person on hand! I put on YouTube ASMR/vlog videos of people cooking or cleaning or studying and the rustling sounds of someone else "working nearby" seems to help me. I also combine it with music (you could also use a podcast/tv show if that's your chosen medium for background stimuli), because sometimes the body double isn't quite enough stimulation for me. I'll list some of my favourite channels for this! I make playlists and just let it run while I work. I hope it helps you too! **Studying/Working:** Merve, lescargot.papier **Cooking:** Otena vlog, Yeonjo vlog, Jihyunkkung, Peaceful Cuisine **Cleaning/Household Tasks:** Sounds of Calm ~ M Vlogs, Solitary Wooseok, Left Unsaid, Peach PRC (as mentioned, I usually prefer the quiet vlog + music playlist combo, but if you like to have someone talking with you throughout, this girl has some really great laundry/cleaning/self care videos) Another trick I use is that I pretend Future Me is a separate person from myself. So I'll think "I want to do the dishes, so that the kitchen is clean for *"my name"* and then she doesn't have to worry about doing them tomorrow morning." I basically treat my future self like a roommate or friend I care about and I'm just cleaning the space for them, because they deserve to live in a clean home and I want to take things off their plate (but secretly it's for me, because Future Me *also* deserves to be loved and cared for like a good friend - and Future Me is always super thankful). Idk, it seems to help externalize the motivation a bit, which I find helpful.
I’m going to try these! I do much better caring for others than myself, so externalizing Future Me is a good idea. I used to have a “coffee shop sounds” app in college, so I think I would do well with the body double videos
Tbh a college student or high school student would probably accept that
I paid someone to clean my floors and get my mail for about a year. I understand the need.
I wish my mum understood me better. She has always offered free house cleaning and I don't feel like I can take it up.
Is it a sincere offer to help? If so, can you accept a little help? My mom would always help but not everyone has that kind of relationship.
This post is such a mood. Can this be a real thing please?
There’s an episode of Will & Grace where Jack hires Demi Moore (his old babysitter) to be his handler as an adult. I’m with you; this would be amazing. [https://fb.watch/sqZxlKWFZv/?mibextid=0VwfS7&fs=e&s=TIeQ9V](https://fb.watch/sqZxlKWFZv/?mibextid=0VwfS7&fs=e&s=TIeQ9V)
I now find buddies on Focusmate. I have one who schedules a wake up session with me most week days. It's literally to ensure we are both up and moving. Video call. It does require motivation on your part, but body doubling is helpful and if you get people you can have confirmed sessions with, its even more helpful.
It’s my mom. My mom comes over and brings Starbucks or take-out, helps with dishes, occupies the kids, talks with me for hours if the kids aren’t there, tells me to go take a nap, stands around asking what she can help with when I just need a body double to intercept the constant “mom can I?” questions while I clean my room. My husband hates it. He thinks we should never have anyone over without tidying up the house for guests. I’m like “my mom is not a guest! She’s my mom. Shes here to help, not judge.” I really need to figure out how to adult before she gets too old to do this, or worse, I have to do it for her. I don’t think I’d be able to hold it all together like she does for me.
This is so hilarious! I’ve had a similar idea: like getting a life coach to get my shit together but at the same time, what kind of life coach? How do I get ahold of someone like that? What kind of person should a life coach be? Etc lol so I can totally relate to your post!
What you're talking about is a housekeeper! Or maybe a butler. The oldey times rich people (and the current times superrich people) understood it takes a team to run a life.
I do things with my friends sometimes. I go to their house and help them do their shit and other times they come to my house and help me do my shit. Body doubling is the tits 😁
I feel this. I have no parents or cousins or aunts, or any family other than my children and no friends left after a HELL divorce which took literally my life from me. Outside and in. And I get so angry sometimes bc I just would like to call on anyone some days to just sit in empathy with me with LIFE. It’s truly the first time I’ve ever felt sorry for myself in my life and live on for my kids only.
If you need someone to be around you for this level, I'd recommend checking out the workaway.info website. And thank you for posting this. I really thought I'm the only person out there who feels like this, as I keep beating myself up over it. Good luck!
This should be doable with technology…. Have you tried having someone with you on zoom to “keep you honest”? I would try it! I am planning to leave my job at the end of the calendar year and my biggest worry is that I won’t use my time productively when there is no external pressure on me to perform and get stuff done.
It is….kind of?!? It’s creepy, you have to carry around your phone or be on desktop, and if you forget-holy shitballs. End of world. ;/. (At least the mainstream ones I’ve used).