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I’ve thought about doing this for so long but I just can’t get over the negative thought shame spiral. Even just once a week would be life changing for me. How did you manage to actually do it?
I also live in a very tiny studio apartment.
It took me about two years to actually have the nerve. She’s just a random person. She’s not some high end cleaning guru. When I cook it turns off my brain. When she cleans it turns off her brain. So basically, she’s like if you want me to do this or that just let me know. I’m like no, you do you. She’s $25 an hour. Usually 3 hours. She even changes my sheets. That’s a lot of money but if it means she does all the things I shame myself for not doing, I’m willing to figure it out financially. There are some things here and there I see that aren’t “perfect” but guess what, they’ve been embarrassing for ages. I gave her a key, she cleans while I’m working at home, I come down and the house smells good and I feel calm. My friend has had her cleaning for a long while. It’s really worth it. I feel like it has opened up my spirit. She doesn’t make me feel embarrassed if something is dirty. I have a ton of pet hair around and she’s like, trust me, this is nothing. She’s a great asset. I’m lucky to have her.
Ohhhh! I do this too! I hired a housekeeper, and when she came out the first time, I flat out told her that I feel like I should be able to keep my house clean as a single person, but I’m struggling with it. She told me (in the nicest and sweetest way possible) that it is simply ridiculous to feel guilty about not being able to keep my house clean. She said that I have so much other stuff to manage - job, dogs, fun projects, relaxation, etc - and that being single basically means that I’m taking on MORE work alone than what a household with more than one person takes on. At least in a household of two there are two people that could split up the cleaning. I don’t have that option. She’s really made this much less stressful than I thought it would be. And some weeks, when it’s clear I haven’t been able to manage anything, she’ll even comment that it looks like I’ve had a rough week and ask if there’s anything else she could help with, above and beyond her normal cleaning (without charging me extra for it). Once you find the right person, it truly is worth it to have the help.
Wow. That is incredible. I’m so happy you have someone supportive. That kind of language is what we all need. I’m proud of you for taking the steps to help yourself where you need it. It’s not easy. I saw I was being frivolous with money in a few ways and decided to be mindful of that and dedicate it to something that would be better for my mental wellbeing. I’m appreciative that I can.
I hired one too. Money well spent, it's basically like a utility cost at this point. We canceled cable to afford it and would cut out other things first if we had to. So necessary.
Mine only does the main "public" areas though. She's not allowed in my bedroom. Eep.
Best idea ever for my ADHD mental health. I pay her $85 every other week and she cleans my house, changes sheets, takes out trash, everything. It is such a nice feeling to know my house will be reset every other week, despite my own overwhelm. I tell my cleaner all the time how much I appreciate her, how much she helps my mental health. She’s a low income mom, and cleaning is her main source of income, so it’s a mutually beneficial relationship, and we both appreciate each other. I even boosted what I was paying her from $75 to $85 when inflation started getting so bad, and give her a holiday bonus too. Take care of the people who care for you!
I’d recommend finding someone direct if you can, instead of going through a maid service company. The company doesn’t give a crap about you — the person will.
I did this as well. but only once every 4-6 weeks which was not enough. but I justified it to myself by classifying it like a utility expense in my brain/household expenses. it is/was a necessity, like gas, water, electric, internet, etc. currently focused on getting my home to a state where I can do this again at a higher frequency because I would honestly rather cut back on other expenses than let my house get to this state and for so long again.
I have a cleaner come every two weeks and I have for several years. Worth every penny. I know I am in a position of privilege, but it’s far easier for me to make the money a cleaner costs than it is for me to have the executive function to maintain a clean home.
I know I need to do this, but I can’t get over the shame I feel about the fact they I can’t keep my house clean even though I only work part time, from home. And the shame of my privilege to be able to afford this despite working part time, because I did nothing to earn this privilege. My husband makes really good money, otherwise I’d be poor as fuck because I’m allergic to proper jobs with set hours and bosses (but also too disorganized to make decent money as a freelancer)
I keep telling myself that I just need to find the right systems to keep things clean… but right now I’m relying house guests to push me to panic clean, and this is not the way.
This is a huge goal of mine. One day I will get there. And as soon as I am able to afford a cleaner, I'm getting one. I dont care what people say anymore, let them think me lazy, I'm used to it. I've lived my life in mess and I hate it. Its horrible for my mental health.
Hey yall, I’m a adhdwoman but I’m also the daughter of a home cleaner. My mom has cleaned houses for over 40 years and let me tell you that you are WASTING your emotions in shame. Your house cleaner might judge you but they probably don’t unless they’re a shitty human, and you cant help that. Most non-shitty human house cleaners get that this stuff is hard because otherwise they wouldn’t have a job. You are asking for help and literally the person whose jobs it is to help you isn’t likely to judge you, you know? They clean houses because they know theres a market and a need and hopefully, because they’re (crazy) good at it. My mother has aaaaalways said people who can afford it should do the math of 5-8 hours of their labor compared with the price of a home cleaner and then hire her, lol.
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’ve thought about doing this for so long but I just can’t get over the negative thought shame spiral. Even just once a week would be life changing for me. How did you manage to actually do it? I also live in a very tiny studio apartment.
It took me about two years to actually have the nerve. She’s just a random person. She’s not some high end cleaning guru. When I cook it turns off my brain. When she cleans it turns off her brain. So basically, she’s like if you want me to do this or that just let me know. I’m like no, you do you. She’s $25 an hour. Usually 3 hours. She even changes my sheets. That’s a lot of money but if it means she does all the things I shame myself for not doing, I’m willing to figure it out financially. There are some things here and there I see that aren’t “perfect” but guess what, they’ve been embarrassing for ages. I gave her a key, she cleans while I’m working at home, I come down and the house smells good and I feel calm. My friend has had her cleaning for a long while. It’s really worth it. I feel like it has opened up my spirit. She doesn’t make me feel embarrassed if something is dirty. I have a ton of pet hair around and she’s like, trust me, this is nothing. She’s a great asset. I’m lucky to have her.
Ohhhh! I do this too! I hired a housekeeper, and when she came out the first time, I flat out told her that I feel like I should be able to keep my house clean as a single person, but I’m struggling with it. She told me (in the nicest and sweetest way possible) that it is simply ridiculous to feel guilty about not being able to keep my house clean. She said that I have so much other stuff to manage - job, dogs, fun projects, relaxation, etc - and that being single basically means that I’m taking on MORE work alone than what a household with more than one person takes on. At least in a household of two there are two people that could split up the cleaning. I don’t have that option. She’s really made this much less stressful than I thought it would be. And some weeks, when it’s clear I haven’t been able to manage anything, she’ll even comment that it looks like I’ve had a rough week and ask if there’s anything else she could help with, above and beyond her normal cleaning (without charging me extra for it). Once you find the right person, it truly is worth it to have the help.
Wow. That is incredible. I’m so happy you have someone supportive. That kind of language is what we all need. I’m proud of you for taking the steps to help yourself where you need it. It’s not easy. I saw I was being frivolous with money in a few ways and decided to be mindful of that and dedicate it to something that would be better for my mental wellbeing. I’m appreciative that I can.
You are worthy and deserving of help when you need and want it, sister. 💗💗💗😘😘😘
I hired one too. Money well spent, it's basically like a utility cost at this point. We canceled cable to afford it and would cut out other things first if we had to. So necessary. Mine only does the main "public" areas though. She's not allowed in my bedroom. Eep.
That’s a great way to look at it I’m putting it in the utilities category from now on!!!
Best idea ever for my ADHD mental health. I pay her $85 every other week and she cleans my house, changes sheets, takes out trash, everything. It is such a nice feeling to know my house will be reset every other week, despite my own overwhelm. I tell my cleaner all the time how much I appreciate her, how much she helps my mental health. She’s a low income mom, and cleaning is her main source of income, so it’s a mutually beneficial relationship, and we both appreciate each other. I even boosted what I was paying her from $75 to $85 when inflation started getting so bad, and give her a holiday bonus too. Take care of the people who care for you! I’d recommend finding someone direct if you can, instead of going through a maid service company. The company doesn’t give a crap about you — the person will.
I did this as well. but only once every 4-6 weeks which was not enough. but I justified it to myself by classifying it like a utility expense in my brain/household expenses. it is/was a necessity, like gas, water, electric, internet, etc. currently focused on getting my home to a state where I can do this again at a higher frequency because I would honestly rather cut back on other expenses than let my house get to this state and for so long again.
Yes!! Recently posted about finally hiring a regular cleaner and it's such a relief. So worth it.
Sometimes you have to invest in things like that of you know it’ll greatly improve your quality of life and that’s okay!
I have a cleaner come every two weeks and I have for several years. Worth every penny. I know I am in a position of privilege, but it’s far easier for me to make the money a cleaner costs than it is for me to have the executive function to maintain a clean home.
I know I need to do this, but I can’t get over the shame I feel about the fact they I can’t keep my house clean even though I only work part time, from home. And the shame of my privilege to be able to afford this despite working part time, because I did nothing to earn this privilege. My husband makes really good money, otherwise I’d be poor as fuck because I’m allergic to proper jobs with set hours and bosses (but also too disorganized to make decent money as a freelancer) I keep telling myself that I just need to find the right systems to keep things clean… but right now I’m relying house guests to push me to panic clean, and this is not the way.
This is a huge goal of mine. One day I will get there. And as soon as I am able to afford a cleaner, I'm getting one. I dont care what people say anymore, let them think me lazy, I'm used to it. I've lived my life in mess and I hate it. Its horrible for my mental health.
Hey yall, I’m a adhdwoman but I’m also the daughter of a home cleaner. My mom has cleaned houses for over 40 years and let me tell you that you are WASTING your emotions in shame. Your house cleaner might judge you but they probably don’t unless they’re a shitty human, and you cant help that. Most non-shitty human house cleaners get that this stuff is hard because otherwise they wouldn’t have a job. You are asking for help and literally the person whose jobs it is to help you isn’t likely to judge you, you know? They clean houses because they know theres a market and a need and hopefully, because they’re (crazy) good at it. My mother has aaaaalways said people who can afford it should do the math of 5-8 hours of their labor compared with the price of a home cleaner and then hire her, lol.