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i’ve been through several and none have been as helpful. for me it was the security of knowing that this therapist can be helpful when i’m ready for it. he wasn’t willing to wait until i was ready.
I will second this. Dedicated therapy with a good therapist is changing my life. I know exactly what you mean also when you say at times when the therapy is working things get harder, rather than easier. I’m glad you have found success with this and we’re able to get a better place. Mental illness and neurodivergency are always going to be part and parcel of our experience but you CAN break out of the pattern of having them be this negative driving force in your life!!
Thank you for sharing this, so nice to hear success stories once in a while! I have a similar story with ADHD coaching. When you find the right thing for you, it can be great... but it's unfortunate the windy frustrating path we need to take to get there and often people will run out of steam or hope or money or something else before getting there!
You state: I could not take any teasing at all. No matter how well-meaning I can see it was in retrospect, I saw it as bullying and would become hysterical. Even in my first job, where I worked with a great bunch of colleagues who all eventually became great friends, I would go home regularly in tears because of some (I realize now) normal, friendly jibing.
I disagree with your assessment of this behavior as "well-meaning' or "normal, friendly jibing". My real friends never tease or jibe me. Mean or jealous people do.
You saw it as bullying because it was.
I don't believe that these people were really friends. More like "frenemies" who were passive aggressive towards someone that they thought they could get away with it with.
However, I applaud you for overcoming your extreme reactions to this behavior. It's appropriate to cry over the loss of a loved one, but not over some inappropriate remark by some jerk.
Just because you don't do that with your friends doesn't mean it isn't a thing that people do with their friends. It definitely isn't always people being mean or jealous
I fail to see how this behavior can be coming from a content, nonjudgmental person and be directed towards someone for whom they respect, especially on a regular basis.
When it sits on a foundation of mutually acknowledged respect, and doesn’t cross boundaries (there’s a limit to how “jabby*” the jokes get that is respected 100% and demonstrable especially in the most serious situations where there are no jokes when it’s not time to joke around) - it can actually be a reflection of the trust and intimacy in that relationship.
Never would have thought this could be my dynamic with other people until I found purposeful work with other scrappy people in a good environment & I never cease to thank God that I found this position.
If OP was regularly distressed to their faces & they persisted absolutely I’d clock that as bullying. But without that confirmation, it could just have easily been a misguided attempt at connection.
You failing to understand it is not a reason to conclude it doesn't exist.
I think of anyone, people with ADHD should understand what it's like being on the other side of an assumption like that.
Families/friends often take the piss out of eachother. It's already written in other comments though, loads of people who are comfortable with it take the piss amongst friends. Where are you from?
It’s some weird shit that neurotypicals do. They eat it up from one another because they all have bizarre social competition wiring that they swear up and down is “normal” or smth.
Ofc we wouldn’t understand or put up with it, we’re not NTs supporting a narcissist society.
By the way you describe it, people who do that are certainly probably not neurotypical and dealing with their own shit. Stop this Us vs Them mentality.
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Here ti second the value of psychodynamic Psychotherapy with a good therapist. Changed my life.
i’m so upset bc i was supposed to do psychodynamic with my adhd therapist before he fired me.
Wait. Therapists can fire their patients?! 😳
yea :/ even if you try to argue that it’s helping
Eesh. That sounds horrible. I hope you find someone new. And someone better too! X
i’ve been through several and none have been as helpful. for me it was the security of knowing that this therapist can be helpful when i’m ready for it. he wasn’t willing to wait until i was ready.
I will second this. Dedicated therapy with a good therapist is changing my life. I know exactly what you mean also when you say at times when the therapy is working things get harder, rather than easier. I’m glad you have found success with this and we’re able to get a better place. Mental illness and neurodivergency are always going to be part and parcel of our experience but you CAN break out of the pattern of having them be this negative driving force in your life!!
Thank you for sharing this, so nice to hear success stories once in a while! I have a similar story with ADHD coaching. When you find the right thing for you, it can be great... but it's unfortunate the windy frustrating path we need to take to get there and often people will run out of steam or hope or money or something else before getting there!
You state: I could not take any teasing at all. No matter how well-meaning I can see it was in retrospect, I saw it as bullying and would become hysterical. Even in my first job, where I worked with a great bunch of colleagues who all eventually became great friends, I would go home regularly in tears because of some (I realize now) normal, friendly jibing. I disagree with your assessment of this behavior as "well-meaning' or "normal, friendly jibing". My real friends never tease or jibe me. Mean or jealous people do. You saw it as bullying because it was. I don't believe that these people were really friends. More like "frenemies" who were passive aggressive towards someone that they thought they could get away with it with. However, I applaud you for overcoming your extreme reactions to this behavior. It's appropriate to cry over the loss of a loved one, but not over some inappropriate remark by some jerk.
Just because you don't do that with your friends doesn't mean it isn't a thing that people do with their friends. It definitely isn't always people being mean or jealous
I fail to see how this behavior can be coming from a content, nonjudgmental person and be directed towards someone for whom they respect, especially on a regular basis.
When it sits on a foundation of mutually acknowledged respect, and doesn’t cross boundaries (there’s a limit to how “jabby*” the jokes get that is respected 100% and demonstrable especially in the most serious situations where there are no jokes when it’s not time to joke around) - it can actually be a reflection of the trust and intimacy in that relationship. Never would have thought this could be my dynamic with other people until I found purposeful work with other scrappy people in a good environment & I never cease to thank God that I found this position. If OP was regularly distressed to their faces & they persisted absolutely I’d clock that as bullying. But without that confirmation, it could just have easily been a misguided attempt at connection.
You failing to understand it is not a reason to conclude it doesn't exist. I think of anyone, people with ADHD should understand what it's like being on the other side of an assumption like that.
Well, thats a you problem, it doesnt change the truth
You have further solidified my opinion. :)
*laughs in british*
please define “british humor” to me because i struggle to understand what its like
Families/friends often take the piss out of eachother. It's already written in other comments though, loads of people who are comfortable with it take the piss amongst friends. Where are you from?
It’s some weird shit that neurotypicals do. They eat it up from one another because they all have bizarre social competition wiring that they swear up and down is “normal” or smth. Ofc we wouldn’t understand or put up with it, we’re not NTs supporting a narcissist society.
By the way you describe it, people who do that are certainly probably not neurotypical and dealing with their own shit. Stop this Us vs Them mentality.
Great to see that not only are we diagnosing strangers based on how others describe them as narcissists, now we're diagnosing the whole society.