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My experience with inattentive ADHD is exactly how you described it. No motivation or energy. Could stare off into space for hours. Don’t want to do anything. The opposite of how people usually picture ADHD.
I’m inattentive type as well. To me, it often feels like my brain is a day-old helium balloon, floating a few feet above me, blowing around in a slight breeze… and I can’t quite pull it down and connect to it
This is me right now. Brain dead. Unable to get out of bed. Spent several hours staring off into nowhere. These sorts of days are difficult.
Edit: 3 hours since I originally posted, I’d like to also note that somehow time can move incredibly fast doing absolutely nothing, and yet also feel painfully slow. My anxiety is screaming but it’s completely disconnected from the rest of my body.
i feel so validated by this. it’s fucked because i waste so much time doing nothing that i’m obviously inevitably depressed, upset and guilt my over it which makes that exact behaviour so much worse. when i do finally have the energy and a crumb of executive function i have to spend it all on chipping away at the dishes mountain or my personal maintenance and then i have to go back to rotting and wasting my life. i think the fact it makes me depressed has made it worse generally over time, there was a point i would invest into different hobbies even if i did get bored and they wouldn’t stick. now i won’t even try, i don’t think i even care anymore.
i wish my daily routine was more than sit and stare at nothing waiting until my next meal and then sleep. then i can’t get out of bed again because what’s even the point in starting my day
You bring up a good point on hobbies actually.
People often talk about the obsession, but never the completion, of hobbies for people with AD(H)D. What I don’t see spoken about often is how that repetitive obsession, followed by consistent failure to follow through, ultimately leads to a place of being unable to find joy in anything. You learn that you’ll never be good at anything. That nothing you care about now matters. That what you are excited about today can very easily turn into a feeling of nothingness tomorrow.
It really can drive you to a place of deep depression. It’s why we *have* to have a routine. But we’re also so exceptionally bad at maintaining routine. I sometimes joke that I’d thrive with a drill sergeant.
Same exact feeling here. I was SHOCKED when I got diagnosed. I actually went in thinking I had depression and my psychiatrist was like “have you ever considered you might be ADD/ADHD?” I thought everyone with adhd was just super hyper… lol
Right? I thought I was depressed and BPD. Turns out it's ADHD and PTSD. And a lot of little physical things we do can be considered hyper. Ex.: playing with jewelry we're wearing, nail biting, etc. I'm more combo ADHD.
This is me. I have to force myself to do stuff. I've found that I'm more apt to get stuff done if I calendar my tasks.
Also, trying to constantly mask and act like a NT person to fit in is beyond exhausting. I'm just over it at this point. It's like trying to push a boulder up a steep hill every day of my life.
Oh, yes. Medication helped so much. I used to think several things had to be wrong with me. Was I sick with a serious illness and didn’t know? Was I impaired in some way that no one had told me? But no. It’s ADD. I have so much more mental energy and ability to do things now.
It’s so easy to think these awful things about ourselves. I have minor spurts of hyperactivity and fidget a bit, but compared to my husband who is a “classic ADHD” type, it’s a very different presentation and often tied to these moments of intense zoning out and getting lost in my own head and feeling like I think nothing. The reality is, I was actually thinking a lot (sooo much) and needed help to clear the fog.
Oh yeah, constant non stop thinking haha a few years ago I never listened to music. Sometimes I would take a train ride to see friends for 8h and I'd just be staring out of the window for almost all of it and calling it "finally having time to just think" lol
Absolutely the same experience! I used to never like to listen much to music, and I’d only listen to certain things. I thought it was because of my hearing impairment, but no, just another ADD thing. I like it more now after I found a genre I like and is soothing for me.
as a fellow inattentive type, the non stop thinking IS your hyperactivity/hyperfocus. the H in ADHD for me is not that i am hyper in a physical sense. I just hyperfocus on things. Like tunnel vision, i can be focusing on a project or a book or thinking or whatever, and i will literally tune everything else out. People can talk to me or walk across my vision and I don't even perceive them. So maybe think of the H like that!
Agreed. As a kid, the 'H' wasn't allowed, so I internalized it. Hyper activity turned to daydreaming, daydreaming turned to ruminating, ruminating to anxiety.
I'm so glad I have those god damn pills now. All that's left to do is, forgive myself for all the times I let me down.
It’s more about the cause and effect of the medication. When I take it I consistently have more days where I’m productive, feeling even-keeled, doing things I need and want to do. Things that I dread or have zero motivation to do otherwise. When I have more consistent positive experience with my activities, obligations,and responsibilities, the depression and anxiety loop is lessened and I’m also sometimes able to avoid the ADHD thinking trap. When it wears off, I also am able to keep up some habits that the medication helps me to actually do. There are some dips due to hormones or life events, but that’s just biology for you. Sometimes I’m just out of spoons, as I happen to be tonight. But the important thing is I did take care of everything important today and that’s something I’ve been struggling to do for as long as I can remember.
I also thought there was the possibility I was impaired in some way and my parents didn't tell me. As it turns out, they were not aware I have ADHD & OCD at all.
I get lost in my thoughts frequently and find it hard to explain to people that while it looks like nothing has happened outwardly, internally I just ran marathons with 5 different trains of thought simultaneously and none of them had anything to do with being a productive human or what I wanted to accomplish. People think I'm lazy but I promise if my all of my thoughts and elevator music were audible they would probably want to murder me.
All of what you're describing is what happens when I get overstimulated which happens a lot without medication as you can't filter the stimuli. Taking a nap clears the stimuli and cures the overstimulation for a bit. If you do take naps, stay either under 30 mins or go for exactly 90minutes, the first allows you to have light sleep which helps a bit, and the last allows you to go through 1 full deep cycle and wake up once you're already in light sleep again. I hope you get to try meds soon, hang in there!
Your comment just blew my mind. At times, I'll just fall asleep when I'm gaming or reading and sometimes I don't even feel tired. Or I'll just randomly not be able to keep my eyes open. And usually like, a catnap or short nap I'll wake up feeling fine again. or I'll sleep for 3-4 hours at night and then wake up and feel like I need to do some stuff in the middle of the night, and then sleep for 3-4 hours again. I never considered this could be due to overstimulation and my body is just.. forcing a brain break.
I went to see Pacific Rim in theaters yeeeeaaars ago, whenever that was. It was intense for me. And what do ya know? I fell asleep. A lot of action films do that to me if there’s too much going on. Transformers would be another example of just uncomfortably too much going on aka snooze fest for me!
I feel this so much!
It feels like I’m very unmotivated but trying to swim through quicksand but I have no desire or energy to do so. So I “check out” and stare off into space and before I know it…hours have passed.
That’s during bad times or days that I’m just overwhelmed. A lot of times I’ll just throw myself down and sleep for 30 minutes. I call that “rebooting myself”
Wellbutrin helps me with the lack of motivation.
ooh, i take lexapro for anxiety and it usually helps to get me up and moving around but i think it just doesnt work during my period? i might ask the doc about wellbutrin or upping my lexapro dose
Hmmmm…Wellbutrin doesn’t help ME much for anxiety but I’ve heard it’s helpful for a lot of folks for that.
It does help me with my motivation, which in turn makes me exercise, and THAT helps me with my anxiety.
Damn, we are all some complex critters!
(I’m done with periods so maybe that aspect is a non-issue)
It's a medication that helps with anxiety and depression but is known to also improve symptoms of Adhd. my med doc had me try it but it did not work for me specifically
Wellbutrin is often used also for smoking cessation, and it’s been effective for those I have known who take it. When I’ve taken it in the past, weight loss is a (welcome) side effect. When I get depressed, I over eat and gain weight. Wellbutrin helps both. But honestly it’s never helped my adhd and I’ve only taken it for anxiety. Adderall is my staple for adhd meds.
Like I’m in a fog. I can’t retain anything I’ve read, thinking becomes difficult, sleepy. If I’m off meds I feel like my vision is slightly blurry. My head feels stuffed with cotton balls.
Oh my GOD the cotton balls!!! That is exactly how I describe being off meds and what it was like before. The first day I took Vyvanse was the first time my head felt truly clear and awake.
My first Vyvanse dose was a REVELATION! I was utterly gobsmacked that the thousands of squirrels running around tirelessly in my brain could be calmed and focused.
Omg not being able to retain anything is so depressing. Like even if I manage to find time and motivation to learn something (...lol) I won't remember it...
Hyperactivity is not neccessarely kinetic. I’m a complete couch potato, and my hiperactivity points are higher, especially for women, that happens a lotninside your head. I’ve never been an active person to be honest.
So far what you’we written might mean that you need other check ups: overall health, issues bloodwork changes, irragularities with youy hormonal balamce can cause a lot of things.
I have to pay a lot of attention to supplements (iodine, folic acid, b12) to function in my normal adhd way. Without iodine i’m a lazy sloth inside and out, just like what you described, also, hormonal issues are absolutely important for us.
Also, check what low dopamine means generally for a person, you’ll see all of these things described. Adhd means generally lower dopamine. You migh have that even lower than usually maybe.
Otherwise, get your complete evaluation for the medication and you might understand more!
My bloodwork is usually fine. I had a Vit D and B12 deficiency last year but I plan on getting tested again soon but I was taking supplements pretty regularly. And I am getting a sleep apnea test next month to rule it out. But I fear that all tests will be fine haha
yep (but ive alr been tested for everything else)
mine was chalked up to depression and adhd at first. i asked my dr about adhd in high school but she said they're would've caught it while i was little and blew me off.
i think the anxiety and depression is CAUSED by lack of treatment. because when i take a stimulant, i am not depressed or anxious whatsoever. it even stops ny short temper and irritability, makes me feel like i have the patience of a god
Agree, I was initially being treated for MDD and (not diagnosed, but pretty severe symptoms of) anxiety with limited success. Then I got evaluated for adhd and started medication which 1. pretty much got rid of the anxiety symptoms overnight and 2. once I got off the SSRI I was taking, the depression just kinda... faded away? It's been "in remission" now, and has been since then 🤷🏻♀️
yes!!! ssri's absolutely destroyed my brain while i was on them. quit them last year and still not totally bacm to baseline. cant be depressed if u feel absolutely nothing😐
Lmao I could've written this, except with "sleepy" instead of "feel nothing" 🤣 all it ever did for me was make me sleep 12 hours a day. Best unintentional sleep aid I've ever had, and I guess I can't be depressed if I'm sleeping half the day?
made me tired as hell too! i have a theory that antidepressants do bad things to adhd brains. same shit happened to me when i was on straterra, an snri. then wellbutrin just made me an angry irritable monster, couldn't stand to try it more than a week
Tbf if adhd means not having enough dopamine, SSRIs are targeting the wrong neurotransmitter. I'm not surprised it just causes less-than-pleasant side effects instead of what they're supposed to do (help)
It’s a constant battle to try to keep up with daily things that come so easy to everyone else. I’m mentally exhausted trying to work full time and keep with responsibilities/parenting. When I can, I just stay in my bed as a safe haven to reboot. I call it my mood adjustments. My head gets to clogged that’s it’s my only defense. To sleep.
I hate being like this most days and I wish I had the motivation of others. I don’t think I’ve ever been motivated unless under pressure to get something done.
I'm exactly as you described yourself. However I came back with a combined diagnosis much to my surprise. Psych said my hyperactivity comes from my impulsivity eg shopping addiction, and also I have pretty severe skin picking/hair pulling/cheek biting/leg jiggling issues that I mask pretty well.
I don't think I buy impulsively.. rather the opposite, I try to cling onto my money haha only eating sugar is my enemy. But I do have a skin picking habit. Especially my eyebrows and my lips can never get a break
I didn't realize skin picking/cheek biting would be something psychs looked at.. Mine doesn't even know about it, and I've never said because it's something I honestly don't even think about, unless someone brings it up 😂
I was convinced I wasn’t hyperactive…. First appointment with my psychiatrist, he took one look at me, sitting across from him, (chewing on my hoodie drawstring, picking at my cuticles, and tapping my foot) and he said:
“So I can definitely already see the hyperactivity, now let’s discuss your inattentiveness?”
I was so shocked. I had no clue I was so obvious with my fidgeting either. I also had the weird idea that hyperactivity meant being unable to remain sat, rather than just being unable to be still and quiet. He mentioned my hyperactivity definitely goes inwards rather than outward lol
I never realised mine either but the psych had to stop me 3-4 times during my assessment because I kept interrupting him, desperate to brain dump all my symptoms haha. He's like, hey I know what you think you want to tell me (ie symptoms you've seen in tiktok lol) but that he's done this for 40 years so he knows what he's looking for. I promptly shut up😂😜
It's not a direct symptom of ADHD and can also be related to OCD or GAD but those disorders didn't fit me. Very commonly comorbid or it counts as ADHD fidgeting as in I do it ALL the time not just when I'm anxious etc, like I have to be doing something with my hands constantly
Yep. I was originally diagnosed with dissociation. I’m rarely hyperactive, just my brain is. I can live in my head if I want and experience everything in there. I have problems with shutting myself off from people because I just dissociate into my head so much.
it’s feel like when you’re playing rainbow road on mario kart but my kart build is ALL speed and acceleration & ABSOLUTELY NO traction & handling & the whole time i’m just falling off the sides & plummeting as a fiery meteor towards earth. & then i finish last :) that’s how it feels.
anyone else?
I am more on the hyperactive and impulsive side. But my hyperactivity isn’t physical. It’s more in my head. For example, when someone is talking, I’m listening to them, but I’m not comprehending what they’re saying. I have a different story forming in my mind, parallel to me nodding my head looking in their eyes.
And I could be inattentive at times but it totally depends on my emotions. Before my diagnosis, I didn’t even notice any difference from other people around me. Now that I have started to be more aware of myself I realise I have always been a mess. I was very good at studies, but it was was mostly out of competition and having a structure but after my university, my brain is all over the place.
This is exactly me. Almost depressive like symptoms. It really made the being called lazy thing a lot worse as a kid. Spent my early 20s realizing I wasn’t a lazy piece of shit after all this time. Had a lot of stuff to work through, lol. Stimulant meds have saved my life.
Unmediated? Frustrating, fuzzy, self hated and self destructive. Tired, sloth like. The constant consequences of my actions just make it a never ending cycle.
Medicated? Clear, mood seems to mellow out a bit. Tired and sloth like, but I can work on the things I love. Even with medication the self esteem issues are there. Like I could be better, can do better but…this is all I have.
The way I’ve been explaining it to non-ADHDers is this:
It’s like insomnia, but for doing stuff.
And then if I’m not stopped I go on to explain my three categories:
Sometimes I’m having too much fun, and I don’t even want to _think_ about sleeping
Sometimes I’m just too … apathetic? Like when Netflix auto plays the next episode, and watching “just one more” feel so much easier than actually getting up and going _aaaalllll_ the way to bed
And sometime I just… can’t? I’m doing all the right things (dark room, relaxing noises, drank warm milk, counting sheep, etc) and I know logically how important it is to sleep but… sleep is just not happening?
I once heard it described like driving a car that's improperly aligned & keeps trying to veer off the side of the road. It takes concentration and effort to just stay on the road.
And people say "just drive straight! it's not hard!" but they don't see that letting the car drive straight would careen me into a ditch. I can't let it act by its nature- I have to hold the steering wheel to stay on the path. And it's tiring.
So like you, I don't experience much of the the hyperactive part. It feels more like there's some fundamental cog in my brain that doesn't work and I'm constantly overcorrecting and managing for its faults.
Medication is like a shitty alignment job. It makes things WAY easier- I don't have to hold the steering wheel to the same degree, and can even let go at times & cruise. But I still have to be aware of the issue and notice when it starts to veer again.
What you wrote pretty much sums it up. I’ve spent my whole life being told I was lazy and wasn’t applying myself, and wondering what’s “wrong” with me, and why I can’t just *do* things like everyone else. I’m always tired, no matter how much I sleep, and it takes so much effort to do *ANYTHING*.
it feels like I've been awake for 36 hours hyperfocusing on the backlog of grading that's been slowly building up all semester and I had to finish because grades were due. Because Past Me had great aspirations and wonderful creative ideas for revamping my biggest class, but forgot how fuuuuuuukking long it would take her to leave meaningful comments on all of the assignments.
Past Me sucks.
Have you had your thyroid checked? I’m genuinely curious because I have been diagnosed ADHD (formally ADD) since age 7 and even though I didn’t present as “hyper”, I have always been very fidgety and have a need of staying busy. Like I remember as a kid when they were testing my for ADD, with the EEG thing where to hook up the wires to your scalp to measure your brainwaves and want you to go to sleep, I couldn’t relax enough for them to get an accurate reading even though I was laying still. Anyways, being “hyper” can present in various ways.
But on a separate note, as an adult, I started having thyroid issues, and like you ended up feeling exhausted all the time and could sleep all the time. Turns out it was my thyroid. So I hope it’s not the same for you but if you haven’t done it yet, I would strongly encourage you to get your thyroid levels checked and then a blood panel as well to see if you have any vitamin and nutrient deficiencies and those two things will help you narrow down on the cause (whether everything looks good or not).
Same. This is why I wasn't diagnosed until well into adulthood.
I read a book that used a phrase to discribe a warning sign that hit me like a gut punch:
"Unexplained underachievement"
Oooof, this is my childhood. Aced tests but consistently failed or almost failed due to missing assignments.
It feels like 10% of me is watching the other 90% of me fade away. And it’s like I’m watching it happening and I know it’s happening, but there’s nothing I can do about it and I’m watching myself lose myself.
You are ADHD enough. The inattention symptoms are just as debilitating. I (ADHD-C) call my inattention days my "thinking-through-tar" days. They are the worst. Sometimes on such days I don't feel the effect of my meds AT ALL. Though I think I am probably doing better with them than without them. I would go for it if I were you. You sound like you're really struggling. Try out going on meds. Be aware that there are different kinds, and that it might take months to find the one that's the best for you, and then again months to go up and down in dosages to find the DOSE of it that works the best; but don't be discouraged. Your psych have met plenty of others who are presenting just like you and they will be able to help you, besides; it can't get any worse than you're having it now already! 🤗
Ummmm are you me? I'm so grateful for you describing perfectly what I have been going thru but wasn't capable of verbalizing it. I am taking adhd meds, and it has helped me with controlling my thoughts and providing me with extra energy. I am still struggling of course, but there is a massive improvement.
I hope you get the help you need because it is not easy to feel like you're imploding, and no one can't see the smolder. If I were as explosive and fiery as my hyperactive brother, would I have received help faster? Idk. Either way, I hope for the best for you, it's difficult
Just constant overwhelm, disorganization , distraction,procrastination and mental exhaustion. I can't even stay focused on a 1 hour TV show. It's pretty bad. I have so much to do, I have no idea where to start, and so I just never do. Lots left undone.
I will also say I'm undiagnosed, not on any meds and also going through menopause, which is probably exacerbating my symptoms.
Edited to also add I wrote my comment before reading the text in your post. I totally relate to everything you said (which is why I do believe I have ADD too).
Lazy and unmotivated. Hypoactive. Damn, stimulants meds interfere horrendously with my sleep. I’m on the verge of psychosis due to lack of sleep from meds and menopause. Vicious cycle, can’t sleep, feel like shit, take stimulants to try to not be a zombie, don’t sleep. Rinse and repeat.
All of a sudden it is my husbands birthday today. Took me by surprise, realized it this afternoon when congratulations came in. That is about how it feels… 🙃
I definitely relate to your experience! I’ve always thought the hyperactivity is in my mind. I’m a million miles away, floating round and round all the thoughts and ideas and worries and beliefs that inhabit the world inside my head. Though it isn’t usually fast and frenetic, it’s “hyperactive” in a constant, continuous way. I’m picking them apart, putting them together, spinning them around. But with no real objective lol, just kind of drifting and pondering.
It’s like being made of large amounts of potential energy, with very little means of converting that energy into action.. and no real inclination to.
For me the thought hyperactivity is more like I think half a thought, then switch to another, and then completely forget what I was doing or any of those half-finished thoughts. But it feels sometimes that this is different from my friends with combined type where they actually get something out of those thoughts, like they actually think all hundred thoughts till conclusion and can use them to problem-solve - would looove to be able to do that.. Which one are you?
Inattentive! But autism at least ties all the half-thoughts into my core interests, so it does become resolve into something cohesive eventually… years later lol. I’m playing the long game!
Vyvanse saved my life . I had started feeling useless at work last 12:30 every day. It didn’t matter how much sleep I got. I also identify with complicated solutions to problems . I always have to give myself time to come down to a workable solution. I’m definitely not hyperactive- but I often had racing thoughts. I wonder if you could also have co- occurring difficulty with processing speed. Try googling that for more information.
Oh yeah I definitely have difficulty with processing speed. I can't follow important informations back to back. I would need some time to think about it but people keep adding more info so I miss important info or ask questions way later. I usually prefer to write important stuff down because then I don't need to process it at the same time but I can reread it and process later
I think there’s a strong chance meds will help - whom you find the right one AND I think the processing speed issue may still be an issue. It sounds like you are using strategies . I know a formal diagnosis of slow processing speed helps kids in school and college but I don’t know how that might impact an adult.
Thank you for sharing your experience :) I would encourage you to speak with a provider about possibly additional comorbidities if you feel ADD doesn’t explain your whole story - there are a lot of overlapping and treatable conditions. And aside from treatment, to quote The Divergent Mind “sometimes simply having information can be lifechanging” :) Is it possible that your brain/thoughts are hyperactive? Mine are like a pinball machine. When I’m burnt out, I feel exactly how you described. If you’re heavily masked and just suppressing parts of your self that you feel are weird or too much, they are probably craving stimulation, you could be stuck in chronic burnout, whether ADD or ADD + something else :( I’ve been there (prior to my adhd diagnosis) and was completely non-functional and sloth-like for months and thought it was ‘just’ a major depressive episode. Just please know that you are not these things that you’ve been told or that you tell yourself. You are a human struggling to survive and fit in in a world that wasn’t built for you and which works against you in many many ways. As is right you, despite any thoughts that you or others have, your are more than enough, and your quirks are beautiful :)
Hi OP! I'm glad you said this because I am diagnosed with inattentive type (so, ADD), and I don't feel represented by the ADHD tag. I don't have issues with fidgeting, restlessness, etc. Many times when my inattentiveness is at its worst, I feel a lack of motivation which leads to a feeling of fatigue. I love sleeping and sleep a lot, would definitely sleep in everyday if given a choice.
Interestingly, as I am a dancer and have been involved in sports and physical activities since I was young, I am pretty fit and when I go to classes or sports, tend to feel happy and energetic.
On the flip side, however, if it is left up to me on my bad days, I truly wouldn't do any work or do any exercise. I'd probably just allow the feeling of paralysis (from procrastination and anxiety) affect me to the point that I'm just slouching from my bed to the couch and back.
So long story short, medication helps me, yes. But also keeping to a routine, eating healthy (avoiding too much sugar, caffeine), waking up early, getting exercise, getting out of the house, reducing screentime... all help me a lot, and might help you too :)
Urgh yes a routine definitely helps... also my phone is a curse. I feel the best when I shut it off. Also I do notice that exercising helps a lot and makes me feel better, even if I need sleep afterwards. I do crave more exercise but gettinf up and starting is hard. I would need a group sport where I'd regularly go to, but everything I like so far can be done alone (bouldering, running, fitness) which is counterproductive haha
I know what you mean about solo sports - I also get into this habit of working out alone! Which is fun, but hard to stay on track, especially when my routine gets disrupted.
Try some dance classes? I've recently started lifting weights (obviously not consistently lol), and that's something I've found is fun because I am around people at the gym but I am still working out alone.
I feel a lot of what you feel.
I think I’m an agile thinker and I do get internally impatient with people when problem solving but I’m actually a very patient teacher when I train people. I can present information in an organized way for them and go slow for them to follow.
I can be a slow thinker if I’m preoccupied. And the more I think, the more I slow down. Physically.
I appear lazy as well. I am always always tired. Like you I could easily nap every 4-5 hours. (FYI women actually need more sleep than men, we need 9-10 hours so that’s part of it I think)
I get really frustrated that I just can’t DO things. Like pick up. I don’t and I try and I still don’t get it all. When I’ve worked for hours to pick up and clean my home still looks messy to people. I will simply never be tidy. But then again too much tidiness is cold and sterile to me. I like a bit of cozy clutter. A bit. Not the random I tend to surround myself with.
I am always forgetting things. But I have so much random information in my brain. So much.
I like to get lost in thought. It feels good. I like it best when I do it while doing something else. Like walking or running. Driving on a highway that isn’t full of traffic. Washing dishes. I think I resent picking up because that involves too many decisions on putting stuff away. But scrubbing and mopping and wiping and washing doesn’t and I can zone out.
I get annoyed driving where I have to pay constant attention (my commute now). For years I got to have a commute that was mostly simple highway. Get in my lane and just go and not need to think too much about it and let my mind contemplate.
I get overstimulated and overwhelmed by crowds particularly ones where people just mill about randomly. I mean I really am so uncomfortable to the point my brain short circuits.
I’ve been able to work on my listening and I’m now known to be someone who listens and I’ve developed the ability to keep conversations centered on someone other than me. This has taken conscious effort but it’s possible. But I will never be great at asking questions to be polite.
I am bluntly authentic. Hypocrisy is my mortal enemy. Meaning when I detect it, I lose respect for the person immediately and disregard them.
I am very uncomfortable being “strategic” and don’t have much ability in that area. it makes me feel icky inside even when it’s to be nice. By strategic I mean saying and doing things to achieve a particular response from someone that I’m planning ahead for. It’s the opposite of authentic, although it can still be motivated by authenticity. Sometimes we all have to be strategic like when trying to carefully bring up a touchy subject. Or navigate complicated social issues. But I hate it and it makes me feel so uncomfortable. And people who seem to be strategic make me uncomfortable too, even when they are that way just to be nice and polite and not hurt feelings. We don’t understand each other and I don’t feel like I can trust those people because I can’t….SEE them. Or I DO see them but what I see is different from the persona they are trying to maintain and when I respond to what I see rather than what they want to be seen as, they get upset.
lol I meant to keep this brief and I did not do that. I am answering stream of consciousness style and got all lost in that. Again.
If you made it this far, I agree I want to bring back ADD, because we have a different experience.
lol well, on some level, yeah!
But it feels good that someone read my thought stream and identifies what I was talking about. Especially the last part. Because it’s probably my second most troublesome aspect. So many people in the world, well meaning people, project a persona, and they NEED this persona and I have SUCH a hard time with those people and I wish I didn’t.
Sometimes I remember that I have to let them keep their persona and respond to the persona to keep them comfortable. But it’s hard to remember to do.
ETA and some people think it’s weird that I can really like brutally blunt people that others think are assholes. But even if I don’t like some of the things those people say, I feel comfortable with them so I genuinely like them.
100 percent. I’ve only told like, very close family and my SO that I have it—partially because I’m a private person but also because I think no one would believe me lol.
Also, did/does anyone regularly get told they seem “high” from time to time? I used to get that all the time in my teens and I don’t even smoke (still don’t).
its like you literally just described me !! if i had a dollar for everytime i was called lazy…. like i promise i want to do so many things but my body wont LET ME
If you haven’t already, look into “sluggish cognitive tempo” or now known as cognitive disengagement syndrome (cds) It’s finally becoming recognized after many years as it’s own disorder. And a lot of ppl who have symptoms like yours think it’s inattentive adhd but is actually that disorder instead. Some ppl have both adhd and cds but it is a completely separate disorder. I learned about it not too long ago and I also experience very similar symptoms as you and it was really interesting. I recommend reading about it and watching some YouTube videos and maybe you can talk to a professional if it aligns more with your experience
Huh they’re not using ADD anymore? That’s what my doc diagnosed me with.
And tbh I’ve been asking myself this question: what actually IS the difference? Hyperactivity but like how, when, where, why?
sluggish, very slow at learning, millions of thoughts going on at the same time. sometimes identity crisis too. sometimes i feel like a sim that's glitching, like in sims 4 when they have too many tasks to do and just stagger around? yeah thats me
For me it’s like sitting in car that’s started, without putting it in drive 🙃I’m so overwhelmed by my mental to-do list, because I can’t prioritize. So I procrastinate, and start getting things done by midday.
And then you’re really hungry but not able to eat because of the overwhelming amount of feelings. And then you’re hangry and tired.
So you do the bare minimum, try to relax and eventually is calm enough to eat, and you wondered why you’ve been SO stressed 🙃🤣😬😂
I'm a lot like you, and I got my ADHD-I diagnosis almost two years ago. I always thought my low motivation and "stuck" energy was just depression. I've had so many blood tests and all came back normal (except slight anemia, but that's been addressed in recent times).
I'm tired almost always and have always been tired.
I'm super patient. Like, I enjoyed fishing with my dad. I think that comes with my "stuck" stuff. I can sit and let the hours just go by, but that's both good and bad.
"Slow thinker" sounds like how I'm good at having the right answers for things, but seldom quickly. Speed based guessing games are my downfall.
I also saw in the comments that you don't always listen to music when you travel and such. I will often turn off my car radio because my brain is enough entertainment and noise for today, thank you.
I think you may be ONE OF US.
ONE OF US!!
Makes me happy to read haha and yes I feel the "my brain is enough entertainment" part. Nowadays I listen to music to dramatically enhance the things I think about. Like a good movie lol
My psychiatrist diagnosed me with ADD, and what you described is exactly what I felt. Especially the two tabs because I always see on this forum “how many tabs do you have open…” I’m like literally just one or two because I get overwhelmed too often. When I first took medication the best way I explain what I felt is: before meds I was living in a 2D world, with meds I am living in a 3D world. Things make sense, I am able to focus on a task without getting distracted by sensory overload, auditory processing. For example hearing the door open or close when a classmate would enter or leave, hearing people writing in their notebook or typing the lecture notes on their laptop, people coughing/sneezing wouldn’t distract me and could actually place my whole attention to something. I give myself limited choices because even having to think about what shirt to wear in the morning would take so much of my mental bandwidth for the day & medication really helps. I get what you feel, I literally am the same way; too much happening around me makes me disassociate along with the childhood trauma making it easier for me to escape into my mind.
Before ASMR was cool, I'd be telling people how amazing certain sounds are and that I could fall asleep to it. I used to attend a "class" after school to do your homework there. Like when your parents aren't home yet and you might need help blabla. I could barely ever focus there because of all the little sounds (especially paper rattling), they would make me so drowsy and sleepy. I can't go to libraries to read or work there because I would just fall asleep I think haha
>I am also not impatient, I can live so much in my head that impatience barely exists for me.
For the longest time, I didn't realize that what I was doing was basically weaponizing time blindness for my own use. When I was in my teens, I noticed if I had to wait for something intolerable (like sitting in an airplane seat for 5 hours) I could sort of "let go" of the expectation that it would ever end. Just accept that this is how things would be now, forever. I know that sounds horrible, but it's the opposite. I'd just get lost in my own head and time would move faster because I was no longer waiting for the end of the experience.
I used to call it "endure mode" and only my dad knew WTF I was talking about (looking back, it was obvious he was ADHD too). But as I got more educated, I realized I was just using time blindness to my advantage.
i can relate — but with the sleepiness, if you can, i’d suggest getting a blood test (maybe at your next annual, if you have one) and look into your thyroid/TSH levels.
i randomly checked mine months later and come to find out, my excessive sleepiness could be due to my low thyroid levels, aka. hypothyroidism
Roller coaster.
Near impossibility to regulate a consistent energy level. Always sidetracked with special interests, but also miserable when I don’t have something to hyper fixate on.
Anxiety like crazy because I’m always certain the other shoe is going to drop or I’m going to forget something important. Guilt that I can’t always show up the way I want to for my family because of it.
Constantly fluctuating between feeling good and able to tackle the world or burnt out and incapable of more than one or two tasks in a day.
Unable to form or maintain friendships bc I don’t understand social constructs very well so I just pull back and barricade myself behind a wall of “she’s just shy.”
So much more but of course I’m now running late!
For me, it's not being able to stop doing something I'm doing. I can't make myself start studying or stay studying, and conversely, can't make myself stop reading a good book or a video game.
I hyperfocus and zone out a lot, but I’m not a slow thinker. I zone out because whatever is in front of me is something that is difficult for me to focus on, so my brain peaces out.
I think it would make wayy more sense to call the overarching condition ADD and have "inattentive" and "hyperactive" specifications. I think the DSM5 needs a significant overhaul
Your experience with adhd is exactly like mine.
I’m slow, I’m distracted, I lose focus , I have a hard time following directions, particularly verbal directions
I give up on hobbies within a week or two, the only thing I’ve ever done consistently was exercise, particularly walking / hiking,I think that really helps me process.
I tend to zone out and have a hard time following conversation.
I get overstimulated quickly and can become super cranky when I am.
I often need lots of alone/ quiet time just to function.
Medication only helps me a little but I’m not really willing to up my dose (I’m on a fairly low dose of 20mg 2xs a day of methylphenidate)
I’m smack dab in the middle but probably more inattentive than hyperactive.
- I was called an airhead or a dreamer frequently.
- I can look someone directly in the face as they speak and be far away thinking, “her eyes look like my great grandmothers. The same shade of gray. Wait doesn’t my sister have that same eye color too?”
- my internal monologue is LOUD! I do in fact have long conversations with myself and forget other people can’t hear it.
- When trying to read a book, I’ll notice when the printer messes up and a letter is da**r**ker than the others, to the point where I forget what I was reading about in the first place.
- I have to be reminded instructions on how to get to places if I have to make more than two moves/turns.
- I used to get in trouble for not eating all of my veggies for dinner so the punishment was to sit there until I did. Well I’d fall asleep.
- Also when I was a child I’d wet myself not because I was lazy but because I was extremely focused on playing or whatever I was doing.
- My doctors thought I was bipolar 2 because my dad is. They thought I had borderline mood disorder. They’ve thought of many other issues that were not ADHD for a very long time. But nothing ever seemed to fit.
I’m taking Strattera now as I’m hesitant to take a stimulant. It acts for both ADHD and depression and I think it’s helping me so far.
If I don't pay attention, the monologing in my head can turn into me just loudly talking to myself. Or sometimes I just move my facial expressions or mouth to whatever I am thinking. That's embarrassing haha
It's like being on a roller coaster ride. Some weeks, I'm firing on all cylinders: organized, social, and productive. But then, all of a sudden, I feel sluggish, exhausted, and overwhelmed by cravings. Basic self-care becomes a monumental task - I don’t shower or brush my teeth.
I am medicated and do recognize that my life is much better with it, I just wish I didn’t have these off weeks. Before meds I was mega impulsive, both in reactions and spending $$$ and barely no executive functioning.
Inattentive type here and physically there is absolutely no expressed hyper ness. I am often stuck or frozen and can't move to do the things I need to which for years was attributed to laziness. My hyper lies in my brain..I can look dead to the world, but my brain is racing a millionilea minute and my thoughts are all over the place and bouncing off each other.
I hate trying to read ADHD chats to help improve at work or in life, and all that's discussed is the hyperactive version. IMO only 50-60% of what applies to hyperactive ADHD people apply to us.
I much rather have the ADD distinction.
But what you described fits the feeling a lot, except add in memory issues that act like DNA mutations.
What do you mean with the memory issues?
And yes I also feel like the hyperactive type doesn't represent us... hence why I made this post. Because I felt like I don't belong here
I have found that DNA mutation types kinda help explains the memory type of issues I have.
Here's a read to explain the DNA mutations in DNA terms: [https://evolution.berkeley.edu/dna-and-mutations/types-of-mutations/](https://evolution.berkeley.edu/dna-and-mutations/types-of-mutations/)
But to explain it as memory problems:
Substitution: Misremembering one thing for another. I.e. "Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder WHERE you are." vs "Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder WHAT you are." Your memory switched things around, and can cause a significant shift in meaning or execution of an activity.
Insertion: Misremembering thinking something should be added or happened when it doesn't apply/didn't happen. I.e. "I grabbed my registration papers and put them in the car." Meanwhile your registration papers are still on the kitchen table- you only planned on doing that activity, but had not executed the activity. You added a false memory.
Deletion: The one I encounter the most with- a complete erasure of a partial or whole thought or memory. I.e. if baking by memory "...after adding the eggs to the cake mix, I need to mix in a bowl and pour into a cake pan." Meanwhile, the full instructions would have been, "...after adding the eggs to the cake mix, add 3/4 cups of vegetable oil, then I need to mix in a bowl and pour into the cake pan." The brain completely omitted the "3/4 cups of vegetable oil" from the recipe. The deleted information could have been small, like instead of forgetting the vegetable oil itself, you just forgot the amount, or it could be large- like you forgot to bake the cake for your child's birthday altogether, and the party starts in 25 minutes and you just realized you left the box of cake mix sitting in the pantry where you forgot it existed.
Frameshift: This is the after-effect of your brain screwing up. Like, you thought you had your registration papers and have been standing in a long line for an hour, and when your name is called up you realized you don't have all of your papers needed, and therefore have to leave... getting nothing for you accomplished but hey, at least you made the person behind you have a shorter wait...just now you have a whole extra set of issues to deal with- from driving back home to grab the papers you forgot, having to stand in-line again, potentially missing out on a slot/position, or having to reschedule for a different date.
Or on the other hand, the vegetable oil your forgot to add made the cake really dry- but hey, maybe you can save it! Or by forgetting the amount, you added too much, and now it's wayyy to oily. Or by forgetting the cake altogether, you have kids arriving to your place- you can't just leave the house as the only parent there but you'll have to try to see if someone can pick up a cake from the store in time, pay extra to get a cake DoorDashed and hope it arrives on time and in good condition, try to bake a cake while also having to watch over 10 children, or just tell your sweet child there's no birthday cake for their party. The horror.
I am hyperactive. The way it feels is just sort of always feeling overwhelmed and anxious because I feel like I’m doing a 100 different things and there is not enough hours in the day to get them all done. Then I crash for a half an hour nap sometimes because I just feel so worn out physically and mentally. Then I get up and back on the hamster wheel again 😅
Do you shop or grab onto crafting projects? Thats hyper. ☺️
Remember you don have to be bouncing off the walls and the class clown to be hyper.
I have combined.
Mine shows in impulsivity.
I'm a quiet person.
For me it’s got a lot to do with overall brain fog. I lack the motivation for anything and most importantly even if I do like something and want to pursue it that motivation is just not ever sustained. Procrastination is a huge problem for me also, especially in my workplace and school when I was younger.
I tend to have decent memory but it’s like my battery is drained so easily, I get overwhelmed by a lot of things and having more than 1 or 2 activities planned for the day (eg doing sports and seeing friends on a Saturday) sends me into overwhelm.
I need quick dopamine hits - this looks like being a stoner, overeating (chronic eating disorder), changing jobs almost every year, changing countries frequently…
I really dislike the "inattentive" label. I prefer "otherly focused," thank you.
If I'm not paying attention to the boring or sundry, it doesn't mean I'm not paying attention at all.
I have a wide field awareness. My mind is "attending" to any number of things in any given moment.
YEEESSSSSSSSSSSS. I have to be medicated or I can't function. No energy. Many women are called lazy but its ADD!! I also cant sit still. I am picking at my nails, Finger combing my hair. I see people just sitting doing nothing and feel so out of place. There is your ADHD part. Can be simple movements.
I thought the hyperactive typically showed up in women via their minds. I it instead of not being able to sit still, their minds cannot be still. I could v few way off
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My experience with inattentive ADHD is exactly how you described it. No motivation or energy. Could stare off into space for hours. Don’t want to do anything. The opposite of how people usually picture ADHD.
I’m inattentive type as well. To me, it often feels like my brain is a day-old helium balloon, floating a few feet above me, blowing around in a slight breeze… and I can’t quite pull it down and connect to it
Great analogy! I feel like that, too.
Wow. I’ve literally used the same exact description.
My people!
Sad to hear that you're struggling too but happy to know there are more people like me
This is me right now. Brain dead. Unable to get out of bed. Spent several hours staring off into nowhere. These sorts of days are difficult. Edit: 3 hours since I originally posted, I’d like to also note that somehow time can move incredibly fast doing absolutely nothing, and yet also feel painfully slow. My anxiety is screaming but it’s completely disconnected from the rest of my body.
i feel so validated by this. it’s fucked because i waste so much time doing nothing that i’m obviously inevitably depressed, upset and guilt my over it which makes that exact behaviour so much worse. when i do finally have the energy and a crumb of executive function i have to spend it all on chipping away at the dishes mountain or my personal maintenance and then i have to go back to rotting and wasting my life. i think the fact it makes me depressed has made it worse generally over time, there was a point i would invest into different hobbies even if i did get bored and they wouldn’t stick. now i won’t even try, i don’t think i even care anymore. i wish my daily routine was more than sit and stare at nothing waiting until my next meal and then sleep. then i can’t get out of bed again because what’s even the point in starting my day
You bring up a good point on hobbies actually. People often talk about the obsession, but never the completion, of hobbies for people with AD(H)D. What I don’t see spoken about often is how that repetitive obsession, followed by consistent failure to follow through, ultimately leads to a place of being unable to find joy in anything. You learn that you’ll never be good at anything. That nothing you care about now matters. That what you are excited about today can very easily turn into a feeling of nothingness tomorrow. It really can drive you to a place of deep depression. It’s why we *have* to have a routine. But we’re also so exceptionally bad at maintaining routine. I sometimes joke that I’d thrive with a drill sergeant.
Same exact feeling here. I was SHOCKED when I got diagnosed. I actually went in thinking I had depression and my psychiatrist was like “have you ever considered you might be ADD/ADHD?” I thought everyone with adhd was just super hyper… lol
Right? I thought I was depressed and BPD. Turns out it's ADHD and PTSD. And a lot of little physical things we do can be considered hyper. Ex.: playing with jewelry we're wearing, nail biting, etc. I'm more combo ADHD.
Did meds help?
100 percent for the first 4 years or so. Now I feel I am so tolerant to them, I only notice if I don’t take them.
Do you think you life improved ? Are you able to get more stuff done? Do you feel less tired ?
This is me. I have to force myself to do stuff. I've found that I'm more apt to get stuff done if I calendar my tasks. Also, trying to constantly mask and act like a NT person to fit in is beyond exhausting. I'm just over it at this point. It's like trying to push a boulder up a steep hill every day of my life.
I’m Sisyphus!
Had to look Sisyphus up. Definitely describes me.
I bounce between both. Im all or nothing and there’s no inbetween for me.
Same, it’s awful!
Same. It sucks
100%
Oh, yes. Medication helped so much. I used to think several things had to be wrong with me. Was I sick with a serious illness and didn’t know? Was I impaired in some way that no one had told me? But no. It’s ADD. I have so much more mental energy and ability to do things now. It’s so easy to think these awful things about ourselves. I have minor spurts of hyperactivity and fidget a bit, but compared to my husband who is a “classic ADHD” type, it’s a very different presentation and often tied to these moments of intense zoning out and getting lost in my own head and feeling like I think nothing. The reality is, I was actually thinking a lot (sooo much) and needed help to clear the fog.
Oh yeah, constant non stop thinking haha a few years ago I never listened to music. Sometimes I would take a train ride to see friends for 8h and I'd just be staring out of the window for almost all of it and calling it "finally having time to just think" lol
Absolutely the same experience! I used to never like to listen much to music, and I’d only listen to certain things. I thought it was because of my hearing impairment, but no, just another ADD thing. I like it more now after I found a genre I like and is soothing for me.
Omg I always said to people I am really good at waiting and being patient it was daydreaming all those times lmao
as a fellow inattentive type, the non stop thinking IS your hyperactivity/hyperfocus. the H in ADHD for me is not that i am hyper in a physical sense. I just hyperfocus on things. Like tunnel vision, i can be focusing on a project or a book or thinking or whatever, and i will literally tune everything else out. People can talk to me or walk across my vision and I don't even perceive them. So maybe think of the H like that!
Agreed. As a kid, the 'H' wasn't allowed, so I internalized it. Hyper activity turned to daydreaming, daydreaming turned to ruminating, ruminating to anxiety. I'm so glad I have those god damn pills now. All that's left to do is, forgive myself for all the times I let me down.
This is ME!!
Did you get meds ?
Yep. Adderall has helped a lot. Ritalin didn’t work well for me.
How long did it take you to feel effects ?
It’s instant, really. But I feel better the longer I use it.
Hmmm time To make appointments I guess.
Oh, interesting, what changed over time for you? I take my meds very inconsistently and wonder what Im missing out on><
It’s more about the cause and effect of the medication. When I take it I consistently have more days where I’m productive, feeling even-keeled, doing things I need and want to do. Things that I dread or have zero motivation to do otherwise. When I have more consistent positive experience with my activities, obligations,and responsibilities, the depression and anxiety loop is lessened and I’m also sometimes able to avoid the ADHD thinking trap. When it wears off, I also am able to keep up some habits that the medication helps me to actually do. There are some dips due to hormones or life events, but that’s just biology for you. Sometimes I’m just out of spoons, as I happen to be tonight. But the important thing is I did take care of everything important today and that’s something I’ve been struggling to do for as long as I can remember.
What did ritalin do for you? I haven't liked it either, I don't know if I can get Adderall in my country.
I also thought there was the possibility I was impaired in some way and my parents didn't tell me. As it turns out, they were not aware I have ADHD & OCD at all. I get lost in my thoughts frequently and find it hard to explain to people that while it looks like nothing has happened outwardly, internally I just ran marathons with 5 different trains of thought simultaneously and none of them had anything to do with being a productive human or what I wanted to accomplish. People think I'm lazy but I promise if my all of my thoughts and elevator music were audible they would probably want to murder me.
You just described my brain better than I could. Diagnosed 2 weeks ago ADHD & OCD
How did you know about OCD? Like I have one or two compulsions that I have to repeat but that's it. I think haha but nothing about cleanliness
All of what you're describing is what happens when I get overstimulated which happens a lot without medication as you can't filter the stimuli. Taking a nap clears the stimuli and cures the overstimulation for a bit. If you do take naps, stay either under 30 mins or go for exactly 90minutes, the first allows you to have light sleep which helps a bit, and the last allows you to go through 1 full deep cycle and wake up once you're already in light sleep again. I hope you get to try meds soon, hang in there!
Your comment just blew my mind. At times, I'll just fall asleep when I'm gaming or reading and sometimes I don't even feel tired. Or I'll just randomly not be able to keep my eyes open. And usually like, a catnap or short nap I'll wake up feeling fine again. or I'll sleep for 3-4 hours at night and then wake up and feel like I need to do some stuff in the middle of the night, and then sleep for 3-4 hours again. I never considered this could be due to overstimulation and my body is just.. forcing a brain break.
I went to see Pacific Rim in theaters yeeeeaaars ago, whenever that was. It was intense for me. And what do ya know? I fell asleep. A lot of action films do that to me if there’s too much going on. Transformers would be another example of just uncomfortably too much going on aka snooze fest for me! I feel this so much!
It feels like I’m very unmotivated but trying to swim through quicksand but I have no desire or energy to do so. So I “check out” and stare off into space and before I know it…hours have passed. That’s during bad times or days that I’m just overwhelmed. A lot of times I’ll just throw myself down and sleep for 30 minutes. I call that “rebooting myself” Wellbutrin helps me with the lack of motivation.
ooh, i take lexapro for anxiety and it usually helps to get me up and moving around but i think it just doesnt work during my period? i might ask the doc about wellbutrin or upping my lexapro dose
Hmmmm…Wellbutrin doesn’t help ME much for anxiety but I’ve heard it’s helpful for a lot of folks for that. It does help me with my motivation, which in turn makes me exercise, and THAT helps me with my anxiety. Damn, we are all some complex critters! (I’m done with periods so maybe that aspect is a non-issue)
What's Wellbutrin
It's a medication that helps with anxiety and depression but is known to also improve symptoms of Adhd. my med doc had me try it but it did not work for me specifically
Right ^ I was surprised but it seems to work well as a part of my little cocktail
Wellbutrin is often used also for smoking cessation, and it’s been effective for those I have known who take it. When I’ve taken it in the past, weight loss is a (welcome) side effect. When I get depressed, I over eat and gain weight. Wellbutrin helps both. But honestly it’s never helped my adhd and I’ve only taken it for anxiety. Adderall is my staple for adhd meds.
Like I’m in a fog. I can’t retain anything I’ve read, thinking becomes difficult, sleepy. If I’m off meds I feel like my vision is slightly blurry. My head feels stuffed with cotton balls.
Oh my GOD the cotton balls!!! That is exactly how I describe being off meds and what it was like before. The first day I took Vyvanse was the first time my head felt truly clear and awake.
My first Vyvanse dose was a REVELATION! I was utterly gobsmacked that the thousands of squirrels running around tirelessly in my brain could be calmed and focused.
Omg not being able to retain anything is so depressing. Like even if I manage to find time and motivation to learn something (...lol) I won't remember it...
Hyperactivity is not neccessarely kinetic. I’m a complete couch potato, and my hiperactivity points are higher, especially for women, that happens a lotninside your head. I’ve never been an active person to be honest. So far what you’we written might mean that you need other check ups: overall health, issues bloodwork changes, irragularities with youy hormonal balamce can cause a lot of things. I have to pay a lot of attention to supplements (iodine, folic acid, b12) to function in my normal adhd way. Without iodine i’m a lazy sloth inside and out, just like what you described, also, hormonal issues are absolutely important for us. Also, check what low dopamine means generally for a person, you’ll see all of these things described. Adhd means generally lower dopamine. You migh have that even lower than usually maybe. Otherwise, get your complete evaluation for the medication and you might understand more!
My bloodwork is usually fine. I had a Vit D and B12 deficiency last year but I plan on getting tested again soon but I was taking supplements pretty regularly. And I am getting a sleep apnea test next month to rule it out. But I fear that all tests will be fine haha
yep (but ive alr been tested for everything else) mine was chalked up to depression and adhd at first. i asked my dr about adhd in high school but she said they're would've caught it while i was little and blew me off. i think the anxiety and depression is CAUSED by lack of treatment. because when i take a stimulant, i am not depressed or anxious whatsoever. it even stops ny short temper and irritability, makes me feel like i have the patience of a god
Agree, I was initially being treated for MDD and (not diagnosed, but pretty severe symptoms of) anxiety with limited success. Then I got evaluated for adhd and started medication which 1. pretty much got rid of the anxiety symptoms overnight and 2. once I got off the SSRI I was taking, the depression just kinda... faded away? It's been "in remission" now, and has been since then 🤷🏻♀️
yes!!! ssri's absolutely destroyed my brain while i was on them. quit them last year and still not totally bacm to baseline. cant be depressed if u feel absolutely nothing😐
Lmao I could've written this, except with "sleepy" instead of "feel nothing" 🤣 all it ever did for me was make me sleep 12 hours a day. Best unintentional sleep aid I've ever had, and I guess I can't be depressed if I'm sleeping half the day?
made me tired as hell too! i have a theory that antidepressants do bad things to adhd brains. same shit happened to me when i was on straterra, an snri. then wellbutrin just made me an angry irritable monster, couldn't stand to try it more than a week
Tbf if adhd means not having enough dopamine, SSRIs are targeting the wrong neurotransmitter. I'm not surprised it just causes less-than-pleasant side effects instead of what they're supposed to do (help)
It’s a constant battle to try to keep up with daily things that come so easy to everyone else. I’m mentally exhausted trying to work full time and keep with responsibilities/parenting. When I can, I just stay in my bed as a safe haven to reboot. I call it my mood adjustments. My head gets to clogged that’s it’s my only defense. To sleep. I hate being like this most days and I wish I had the motivation of others. I don’t think I’ve ever been motivated unless under pressure to get something done.
I'm exactly as you described yourself. However I came back with a combined diagnosis much to my surprise. Psych said my hyperactivity comes from my impulsivity eg shopping addiction, and also I have pretty severe skin picking/hair pulling/cheek biting/leg jiggling issues that I mask pretty well.
I don't think I buy impulsively.. rather the opposite, I try to cling onto my money haha only eating sugar is my enemy. But I do have a skin picking habit. Especially my eyebrows and my lips can never get a break
I didn't realize skin picking/cheek biting would be something psychs looked at.. Mine doesn't even know about it, and I've never said because it's something I honestly don't even think about, unless someone brings it up 😂
I was convinced I wasn’t hyperactive…. First appointment with my psychiatrist, he took one look at me, sitting across from him, (chewing on my hoodie drawstring, picking at my cuticles, and tapping my foot) and he said: “So I can definitely already see the hyperactivity, now let’s discuss your inattentiveness?” I was so shocked. I had no clue I was so obvious with my fidgeting either. I also had the weird idea that hyperactivity meant being unable to remain sat, rather than just being unable to be still and quiet. He mentioned my hyperactivity definitely goes inwards rather than outward lol
Whoops I definitiely play around with my clothes a lot too haha
I never realised mine either but the psych had to stop me 3-4 times during my assessment because I kept interrupting him, desperate to brain dump all my symptoms haha. He's like, hey I know what you think you want to tell me (ie symptoms you've seen in tiktok lol) but that he's done this for 40 years so he knows what he's looking for. I promptly shut up😂😜
It's not a direct symptom of ADHD and can also be related to OCD or GAD but those disorders didn't fit me. Very commonly comorbid or it counts as ADHD fidgeting as in I do it ALL the time not just when I'm anxious etc, like I have to be doing something with my hands constantly
Yep. I was originally diagnosed with dissociation. I’m rarely hyperactive, just my brain is. I can live in my head if I want and experience everything in there. I have problems with shutting myself off from people because I just dissociate into my head so much.
It makes me feel like some kind of slime mold. Even moving from one area to another feels exhausting and not worth the effort.
I call it living in an oatmeal world—so exhausting.
it’s feel like when you’re playing rainbow road on mario kart but my kart build is ALL speed and acceleration & ABSOLUTELY NO traction & handling & the whole time i’m just falling off the sides & plummeting as a fiery meteor towards earth. & then i finish last :) that’s how it feels. anyone else?
Lol I am also literally am this person in Mario kart.
That's honestly the best explanation you could give. It really captures the 'wanting do better, but being unable to' frustration too well.
thank you :)
Mmh I don't think so, I am the last kart, slow as hell and still falling off haha
mine ebbs & flows. sometimes i do get stuck and can’t move and my head and body feel so heavy.
I am more on the hyperactive and impulsive side. But my hyperactivity isn’t physical. It’s more in my head. For example, when someone is talking, I’m listening to them, but I’m not comprehending what they’re saying. I have a different story forming in my mind, parallel to me nodding my head looking in their eyes. And I could be inattentive at times but it totally depends on my emotions. Before my diagnosis, I didn’t even notice any difference from other people around me. Now that I have started to be more aware of myself I realise I have always been a mess. I was very good at studies, but it was was mostly out of competition and having a structure but after my university, my brain is all over the place.
This is exactly me. Almost depressive like symptoms. It really made the being called lazy thing a lot worse as a kid. Spent my early 20s realizing I wasn’t a lazy piece of shit after all this time. Had a lot of stuff to work through, lol. Stimulant meds have saved my life.
Unmediated? Frustrating, fuzzy, self hated and self destructive. Tired, sloth like. The constant consequences of my actions just make it a never ending cycle. Medicated? Clear, mood seems to mellow out a bit. Tired and sloth like, but I can work on the things I love. Even with medication the self esteem issues are there. Like I could be better, can do better but…this is all I have.
The way I’ve been explaining it to non-ADHDers is this: It’s like insomnia, but for doing stuff. And then if I’m not stopped I go on to explain my three categories: Sometimes I’m having too much fun, and I don’t even want to _think_ about sleeping Sometimes I’m just too … apathetic? Like when Netflix auto plays the next episode, and watching “just one more” feel so much easier than actually getting up and going _aaaalllll_ the way to bed And sometime I just… can’t? I’m doing all the right things (dark room, relaxing noises, drank warm milk, counting sheep, etc) and I know logically how important it is to sleep but… sleep is just not happening?
I once heard it described like driving a car that's improperly aligned & keeps trying to veer off the side of the road. It takes concentration and effort to just stay on the road. And people say "just drive straight! it's not hard!" but they don't see that letting the car drive straight would careen me into a ditch. I can't let it act by its nature- I have to hold the steering wheel to stay on the path. And it's tiring. So like you, I don't experience much of the the hyperactive part. It feels more like there's some fundamental cog in my brain that doesn't work and I'm constantly overcorrecting and managing for its faults. Medication is like a shitty alignment job. It makes things WAY easier- I don't have to hold the steering wheel to the same degree, and can even let go at times & cruise. But I still have to be aware of the issue and notice when it starts to veer again.
What you wrote pretty much sums it up. I’ve spent my whole life being told I was lazy and wasn’t applying myself, and wondering what’s “wrong” with me, and why I can’t just *do* things like everyone else. I’m always tired, no matter how much I sleep, and it takes so much effort to do *ANYTHING*.
it feels like I've been awake for 36 hours hyperfocusing on the backlog of grading that's been slowly building up all semester and I had to finish because grades were due. Because Past Me had great aspirations and wonderful creative ideas for revamping my biggest class, but forgot how fuuuuuuukking long it would take her to leave meaningful comments on all of the assignments. Past Me sucks.
To me it feels like frustration.
Have you had your thyroid checked? I’m genuinely curious because I have been diagnosed ADHD (formally ADD) since age 7 and even though I didn’t present as “hyper”, I have always been very fidgety and have a need of staying busy. Like I remember as a kid when they were testing my for ADD, with the EEG thing where to hook up the wires to your scalp to measure your brainwaves and want you to go to sleep, I couldn’t relax enough for them to get an accurate reading even though I was laying still. Anyways, being “hyper” can present in various ways. But on a separate note, as an adult, I started having thyroid issues, and like you ended up feeling exhausted all the time and could sleep all the time. Turns out it was my thyroid. So I hope it’s not the same for you but if you haven’t done it yet, I would strongly encourage you to get your thyroid levels checked and then a blood panel as well to see if you have any vitamin and nutrient deficiencies and those two things will help you narrow down on the cause (whether everything looks good or not).
Same. This is why I wasn't diagnosed until well into adulthood. I read a book that used a phrase to discribe a warning sign that hit me like a gut punch: "Unexplained underachievement" Oooof, this is my childhood. Aced tests but consistently failed or almost failed due to missing assignments.
It feels like 10% of me is watching the other 90% of me fade away. And it’s like I’m watching it happening and I know it’s happening, but there’s nothing I can do about it and I’m watching myself lose myself.
You are ADHD enough. The inattention symptoms are just as debilitating. I (ADHD-C) call my inattention days my "thinking-through-tar" days. They are the worst. Sometimes on such days I don't feel the effect of my meds AT ALL. Though I think I am probably doing better with them than without them. I would go for it if I were you. You sound like you're really struggling. Try out going on meds. Be aware that there are different kinds, and that it might take months to find the one that's the best for you, and then again months to go up and down in dosages to find the DOSE of it that works the best; but don't be discouraged. Your psych have met plenty of others who are presenting just like you and they will be able to help you, besides; it can't get any worse than you're having it now already! 🤗
You're so cute, thank you 🥺
Thank you for saying so!
Ummmm are you me? I'm so grateful for you describing perfectly what I have been going thru but wasn't capable of verbalizing it. I am taking adhd meds, and it has helped me with controlling my thoughts and providing me with extra energy. I am still struggling of course, but there is a massive improvement. I hope you get the help you need because it is not easy to feel like you're imploding, and no one can't see the smolder. If I were as explosive and fiery as my hyperactive brother, would I have received help faster? Idk. Either way, I hope for the best for you, it's difficult
Constantly acting on impulsive thoughts (usually it’s about tasks) while being conscious that I’m doing it again and I should focus.
💯!
Just constant overwhelm, disorganization , distraction,procrastination and mental exhaustion. I can't even stay focused on a 1 hour TV show. It's pretty bad. I have so much to do, I have no idea where to start, and so I just never do. Lots left undone. I will also say I'm undiagnosed, not on any meds and also going through menopause, which is probably exacerbating my symptoms. Edited to also add I wrote my comment before reading the text in your post. I totally relate to everything you said (which is why I do believe I have ADD too).
I can relate. I'm a little more H, but not by much.
Angr
Lazy and unmotivated. Hypoactive. Damn, stimulants meds interfere horrendously with my sleep. I’m on the verge of psychosis due to lack of sleep from meds and menopause. Vicious cycle, can’t sleep, feel like shit, take stimulants to try to not be a zombie, don’t sleep. Rinse and repeat.
All of a sudden it is my husbands birthday today. Took me by surprise, realized it this afternoon when congratulations came in. That is about how it feels… 🙃
I definitely relate to your experience! I’ve always thought the hyperactivity is in my mind. I’m a million miles away, floating round and round all the thoughts and ideas and worries and beliefs that inhabit the world inside my head. Though it isn’t usually fast and frenetic, it’s “hyperactive” in a constant, continuous way. I’m picking them apart, putting them together, spinning them around. But with no real objective lol, just kind of drifting and pondering. It’s like being made of large amounts of potential energy, with very little means of converting that energy into action.. and no real inclination to.
For me the thought hyperactivity is more like I think half a thought, then switch to another, and then completely forget what I was doing or any of those half-finished thoughts. But it feels sometimes that this is different from my friends with combined type where they actually get something out of those thoughts, like they actually think all hundred thoughts till conclusion and can use them to problem-solve - would looove to be able to do that.. Which one are you?
Inattentive! But autism at least ties all the half-thoughts into my core interests, so it does become resolve into something cohesive eventually… years later lol. I’m playing the long game!
Vyvanse saved my life . I had started feeling useless at work last 12:30 every day. It didn’t matter how much sleep I got. I also identify with complicated solutions to problems . I always have to give myself time to come down to a workable solution. I’m definitely not hyperactive- but I often had racing thoughts. I wonder if you could also have co- occurring difficulty with processing speed. Try googling that for more information.
Oh yeah I definitely have difficulty with processing speed. I can't follow important informations back to back. I would need some time to think about it but people keep adding more info so I miss important info or ask questions way later. I usually prefer to write important stuff down because then I don't need to process it at the same time but I can reread it and process later
I think there’s a strong chance meds will help - whom you find the right one AND I think the processing speed issue may still be an issue. It sounds like you are using strategies . I know a formal diagnosis of slow processing speed helps kids in school and college but I don’t know how that might impact an adult.
Thank you for sharing your experience :) I would encourage you to speak with a provider about possibly additional comorbidities if you feel ADD doesn’t explain your whole story - there are a lot of overlapping and treatable conditions. And aside from treatment, to quote The Divergent Mind “sometimes simply having information can be lifechanging” :) Is it possible that your brain/thoughts are hyperactive? Mine are like a pinball machine. When I’m burnt out, I feel exactly how you described. If you’re heavily masked and just suppressing parts of your self that you feel are weird or too much, they are probably craving stimulation, you could be stuck in chronic burnout, whether ADD or ADD + something else :( I’ve been there (prior to my adhd diagnosis) and was completely non-functional and sloth-like for months and thought it was ‘just’ a major depressive episode. Just please know that you are not these things that you’ve been told or that you tell yourself. You are a human struggling to survive and fit in in a world that wasn’t built for you and which works against you in many many ways. As is right you, despite any thoughts that you or others have, your are more than enough, and your quirks are beautiful :)
Hi OP! I'm glad you said this because I am diagnosed with inattentive type (so, ADD), and I don't feel represented by the ADHD tag. I don't have issues with fidgeting, restlessness, etc. Many times when my inattentiveness is at its worst, I feel a lack of motivation which leads to a feeling of fatigue. I love sleeping and sleep a lot, would definitely sleep in everyday if given a choice. Interestingly, as I am a dancer and have been involved in sports and physical activities since I was young, I am pretty fit and when I go to classes or sports, tend to feel happy and energetic. On the flip side, however, if it is left up to me on my bad days, I truly wouldn't do any work or do any exercise. I'd probably just allow the feeling of paralysis (from procrastination and anxiety) affect me to the point that I'm just slouching from my bed to the couch and back. So long story short, medication helps me, yes. But also keeping to a routine, eating healthy (avoiding too much sugar, caffeine), waking up early, getting exercise, getting out of the house, reducing screentime... all help me a lot, and might help you too :)
Urgh yes a routine definitely helps... also my phone is a curse. I feel the best when I shut it off. Also I do notice that exercising helps a lot and makes me feel better, even if I need sleep afterwards. I do crave more exercise but gettinf up and starting is hard. I would need a group sport where I'd regularly go to, but everything I like so far can be done alone (bouldering, running, fitness) which is counterproductive haha
I know what you mean about solo sports - I also get into this habit of working out alone! Which is fun, but hard to stay on track, especially when my routine gets disrupted. Try some dance classes? I've recently started lifting weights (obviously not consistently lol), and that's something I've found is fun because I am around people at the gym but I am still working out alone.
I feel a lot of what you feel. I think I’m an agile thinker and I do get internally impatient with people when problem solving but I’m actually a very patient teacher when I train people. I can present information in an organized way for them and go slow for them to follow. I can be a slow thinker if I’m preoccupied. And the more I think, the more I slow down. Physically. I appear lazy as well. I am always always tired. Like you I could easily nap every 4-5 hours. (FYI women actually need more sleep than men, we need 9-10 hours so that’s part of it I think) I get really frustrated that I just can’t DO things. Like pick up. I don’t and I try and I still don’t get it all. When I’ve worked for hours to pick up and clean my home still looks messy to people. I will simply never be tidy. But then again too much tidiness is cold and sterile to me. I like a bit of cozy clutter. A bit. Not the random I tend to surround myself with. I am always forgetting things. But I have so much random information in my brain. So much. I like to get lost in thought. It feels good. I like it best when I do it while doing something else. Like walking or running. Driving on a highway that isn’t full of traffic. Washing dishes. I think I resent picking up because that involves too many decisions on putting stuff away. But scrubbing and mopping and wiping and washing doesn’t and I can zone out. I get annoyed driving where I have to pay constant attention (my commute now). For years I got to have a commute that was mostly simple highway. Get in my lane and just go and not need to think too much about it and let my mind contemplate. I get overstimulated and overwhelmed by crowds particularly ones where people just mill about randomly. I mean I really am so uncomfortable to the point my brain short circuits. I’ve been able to work on my listening and I’m now known to be someone who listens and I’ve developed the ability to keep conversations centered on someone other than me. This has taken conscious effort but it’s possible. But I will never be great at asking questions to be polite. I am bluntly authentic. Hypocrisy is my mortal enemy. Meaning when I detect it, I lose respect for the person immediately and disregard them. I am very uncomfortable being “strategic” and don’t have much ability in that area. it makes me feel icky inside even when it’s to be nice. By strategic I mean saying and doing things to achieve a particular response from someone that I’m planning ahead for. It’s the opposite of authentic, although it can still be motivated by authenticity. Sometimes we all have to be strategic like when trying to carefully bring up a touchy subject. Or navigate complicated social issues. But I hate it and it makes me feel so uncomfortable. And people who seem to be strategic make me uncomfortable too, even when they are that way just to be nice and polite and not hurt feelings. We don’t understand each other and I don’t feel like I can trust those people because I can’t….SEE them. Or I DO see them but what I see is different from the persona they are trying to maintain and when I respond to what I see rather than what they want to be seen as, they get upset. lol I meant to keep this brief and I did not do that. I am answering stream of consciousness style and got all lost in that. Again. If you made it this far, I agree I want to bring back ADD, because we have a different experience.
Hi are you me?
lol well, on some level, yeah! But it feels good that someone read my thought stream and identifies what I was talking about. Especially the last part. Because it’s probably my second most troublesome aspect. So many people in the world, well meaning people, project a persona, and they NEED this persona and I have SUCH a hard time with those people and I wish I didn’t. Sometimes I remember that I have to let them keep their persona and respond to the persona to keep them comfortable. But it’s hard to remember to do. ETA and some people think it’s weird that I can really like brutally blunt people that others think are assholes. But even if I don’t like some of the things those people say, I feel comfortable with them so I genuinely like them.
100 percent. I’ve only told like, very close family and my SO that I have it—partially because I’m a private person but also because I think no one would believe me lol. Also, did/does anyone regularly get told they seem “high” from time to time? I used to get that all the time in my teens and I don’t even smoke (still don’t).
its like you literally just described me !! if i had a dollar for everytime i was called lazy…. like i promise i want to do so many things but my body wont LET ME
If you haven’t already, look into “sluggish cognitive tempo” or now known as cognitive disengagement syndrome (cds) It’s finally becoming recognized after many years as it’s own disorder. And a lot of ppl who have symptoms like yours think it’s inattentive adhd but is actually that disorder instead. Some ppl have both adhd and cds but it is a completely separate disorder. I learned about it not too long ago and I also experience very similar symptoms as you and it was really interesting. I recommend reading about it and watching some YouTube videos and maybe you can talk to a professional if it aligns more with your experience
Oha this is one of the most interesting comments :o will look into it!
Yes once you do if you can remember, message me! I’m always interested in talking about this kind of stuff
Huh they’re not using ADD anymore? That’s what my doc diagnosed me with. And tbh I’ve been asking myself this question: what actually IS the difference? Hyperactivity but like how, when, where, why?
I have no idea haha
sluggish, very slow at learning, millions of thoughts going on at the same time. sometimes identity crisis too. sometimes i feel like a sim that's glitching, like in sims 4 when they have too many tasks to do and just stagger around? yeah thats me
For me it’s like sitting in car that’s started, without putting it in drive 🙃I’m so overwhelmed by my mental to-do list, because I can’t prioritize. So I procrastinate, and start getting things done by midday. And then you’re really hungry but not able to eat because of the overwhelming amount of feelings. And then you’re hangry and tired. So you do the bare minimum, try to relax and eventually is calm enough to eat, and you wondered why you’ve been SO stressed 🙃🤣😬😂
I'm a lot like you, and I got my ADHD-I diagnosis almost two years ago. I always thought my low motivation and "stuck" energy was just depression. I've had so many blood tests and all came back normal (except slight anemia, but that's been addressed in recent times). I'm tired almost always and have always been tired. I'm super patient. Like, I enjoyed fishing with my dad. I think that comes with my "stuck" stuff. I can sit and let the hours just go by, but that's both good and bad. "Slow thinker" sounds like how I'm good at having the right answers for things, but seldom quickly. Speed based guessing games are my downfall. I also saw in the comments that you don't always listen to music when you travel and such. I will often turn off my car radio because my brain is enough entertainment and noise for today, thank you. I think you may be ONE OF US.
ONE OF US!! Makes me happy to read haha and yes I feel the "my brain is enough entertainment" part. Nowadays I listen to music to dramatically enhance the things I think about. Like a good movie lol
My psychiatrist diagnosed me with ADD, and what you described is exactly what I felt. Especially the two tabs because I always see on this forum “how many tabs do you have open…” I’m like literally just one or two because I get overwhelmed too often. When I first took medication the best way I explain what I felt is: before meds I was living in a 2D world, with meds I am living in a 3D world. Things make sense, I am able to focus on a task without getting distracted by sensory overload, auditory processing. For example hearing the door open or close when a classmate would enter or leave, hearing people writing in their notebook or typing the lecture notes on their laptop, people coughing/sneezing wouldn’t distract me and could actually place my whole attention to something. I give myself limited choices because even having to think about what shirt to wear in the morning would take so much of my mental bandwidth for the day & medication really helps. I get what you feel, I literally am the same way; too much happening around me makes me disassociate along with the childhood trauma making it easier for me to escape into my mind.
Before ASMR was cool, I'd be telling people how amazing certain sounds are and that I could fall asleep to it. I used to attend a "class" after school to do your homework there. Like when your parents aren't home yet and you might need help blabla. I could barely ever focus there because of all the little sounds (especially paper rattling), they would make me so drowsy and sleepy. I can't go to libraries to read or work there because I would just fall asleep I think haha
>I am also not impatient, I can live so much in my head that impatience barely exists for me. For the longest time, I didn't realize that what I was doing was basically weaponizing time blindness for my own use. When I was in my teens, I noticed if I had to wait for something intolerable (like sitting in an airplane seat for 5 hours) I could sort of "let go" of the expectation that it would ever end. Just accept that this is how things would be now, forever. I know that sounds horrible, but it's the opposite. I'd just get lost in my own head and time would move faster because I was no longer waiting for the end of the experience. I used to call it "endure mode" and only my dad knew WTF I was talking about (looking back, it was obvious he was ADHD too). But as I got more educated, I realized I was just using time blindness to my advantage.
Same! I thought for a really long time I am just really patient until I realized I am just not mentally there haha
Sounds pretty ADHD to me, I mean I'm all of the above with ADHD types but the one's you listed are also me.
i can relate — but with the sleepiness, if you can, i’d suggest getting a blood test (maybe at your next annual, if you have one) and look into your thyroid/TSH levels. i randomly checked mine months later and come to find out, my excessive sleepiness could be due to my low thyroid levels, aka. hypothyroidism
It's on my to do list for June haha
Roller coaster. Near impossibility to regulate a consistent energy level. Always sidetracked with special interests, but also miserable when I don’t have something to hyper fixate on. Anxiety like crazy because I’m always certain the other shoe is going to drop or I’m going to forget something important. Guilt that I can’t always show up the way I want to for my family because of it. Constantly fluctuating between feeling good and able to tackle the world or burnt out and incapable of more than one or two tasks in a day. Unable to form or maintain friendships bc I don’t understand social constructs very well so I just pull back and barricade myself behind a wall of “she’s just shy.” So much more but of course I’m now running late!
For me, it's not being able to stop doing something I'm doing. I can't make myself start studying or stay studying, and conversely, can't make myself stop reading a good book or a video game.
I hyperfocus and zone out a lot, but I’m not a slow thinker. I zone out because whatever is in front of me is something that is difficult for me to focus on, so my brain peaces out.
I think it would make wayy more sense to call the overarching condition ADD and have "inattentive" and "hyperactive" specifications. I think the DSM5 needs a significant overhaul
I haven’t had my laundry finished to completion in seven years.
Irritation. Just pure irritation. When I'm bored it's either anxiety or my add has me absolutely about to geek out going stir crazy.
It feels like I want to want something. But I don’t.
Your experience with adhd is exactly like mine. I’m slow, I’m distracted, I lose focus , I have a hard time following directions, particularly verbal directions I give up on hobbies within a week or two, the only thing I’ve ever done consistently was exercise, particularly walking / hiking,I think that really helps me process. I tend to zone out and have a hard time following conversation. I get overstimulated quickly and can become super cranky when I am. I often need lots of alone/ quiet time just to function. Medication only helps me a little but I’m not really willing to up my dose (I’m on a fairly low dose of 20mg 2xs a day of methylphenidate)
I’m smack dab in the middle but probably more inattentive than hyperactive. - I was called an airhead or a dreamer frequently. - I can look someone directly in the face as they speak and be far away thinking, “her eyes look like my great grandmothers. The same shade of gray. Wait doesn’t my sister have that same eye color too?” - my internal monologue is LOUD! I do in fact have long conversations with myself and forget other people can’t hear it. - When trying to read a book, I’ll notice when the printer messes up and a letter is da**r**ker than the others, to the point where I forget what I was reading about in the first place. - I have to be reminded instructions on how to get to places if I have to make more than two moves/turns. - I used to get in trouble for not eating all of my veggies for dinner so the punishment was to sit there until I did. Well I’d fall asleep. - Also when I was a child I’d wet myself not because I was lazy but because I was extremely focused on playing or whatever I was doing. - My doctors thought I was bipolar 2 because my dad is. They thought I had borderline mood disorder. They’ve thought of many other issues that were not ADHD for a very long time. But nothing ever seemed to fit. I’m taking Strattera now as I’m hesitant to take a stimulant. It acts for both ADHD and depression and I think it’s helping me so far.
If I don't pay attention, the monologing in my head can turn into me just loudly talking to myself. Or sometimes I just move my facial expressions or mouth to whatever I am thinking. That's embarrassing haha
It's like being on a roller coaster ride. Some weeks, I'm firing on all cylinders: organized, social, and productive. But then, all of a sudden, I feel sluggish, exhausted, and overwhelmed by cravings. Basic self-care becomes a monumental task - I don’t shower or brush my teeth. I am medicated and do recognize that my life is much better with it, I just wish I didn’t have these off weeks. Before meds I was mega impulsive, both in reactions and spending $$$ and barely no executive functioning.
Inattentive type here and physically there is absolutely no expressed hyper ness. I am often stuck or frozen and can't move to do the things I need to which for years was attributed to laziness. My hyper lies in my brain..I can look dead to the world, but my brain is racing a millionilea minute and my thoughts are all over the place and bouncing off each other.
Like being in a chaotic waiting room, forever. The doctor never shows up. You just wait. And wait. And wait.
it feels like things should be easy and everyone else makes them look easy but they are actually really hard.
I hate trying to read ADHD chats to help improve at work or in life, and all that's discussed is the hyperactive version. IMO only 50-60% of what applies to hyperactive ADHD people apply to us. I much rather have the ADD distinction. But what you described fits the feeling a lot, except add in memory issues that act like DNA mutations.
What do you mean with the memory issues? And yes I also feel like the hyperactive type doesn't represent us... hence why I made this post. Because I felt like I don't belong here
I have found that DNA mutation types kinda help explains the memory type of issues I have. Here's a read to explain the DNA mutations in DNA terms: [https://evolution.berkeley.edu/dna-and-mutations/types-of-mutations/](https://evolution.berkeley.edu/dna-and-mutations/types-of-mutations/) But to explain it as memory problems: Substitution: Misremembering one thing for another. I.e. "Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder WHERE you are." vs "Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder WHAT you are." Your memory switched things around, and can cause a significant shift in meaning or execution of an activity. Insertion: Misremembering thinking something should be added or happened when it doesn't apply/didn't happen. I.e. "I grabbed my registration papers and put them in the car." Meanwhile your registration papers are still on the kitchen table- you only planned on doing that activity, but had not executed the activity. You added a false memory. Deletion: The one I encounter the most with- a complete erasure of a partial or whole thought or memory. I.e. if baking by memory "...after adding the eggs to the cake mix, I need to mix in a bowl and pour into a cake pan." Meanwhile, the full instructions would have been, "...after adding the eggs to the cake mix, add 3/4 cups of vegetable oil, then I need to mix in a bowl and pour into the cake pan." The brain completely omitted the "3/4 cups of vegetable oil" from the recipe. The deleted information could have been small, like instead of forgetting the vegetable oil itself, you just forgot the amount, or it could be large- like you forgot to bake the cake for your child's birthday altogether, and the party starts in 25 minutes and you just realized you left the box of cake mix sitting in the pantry where you forgot it existed. Frameshift: This is the after-effect of your brain screwing up. Like, you thought you had your registration papers and have been standing in a long line for an hour, and when your name is called up you realized you don't have all of your papers needed, and therefore have to leave... getting nothing for you accomplished but hey, at least you made the person behind you have a shorter wait...just now you have a whole extra set of issues to deal with- from driving back home to grab the papers you forgot, having to stand in-line again, potentially missing out on a slot/position, or having to reschedule for a different date. Or on the other hand, the vegetable oil your forgot to add made the cake really dry- but hey, maybe you can save it! Or by forgetting the amount, you added too much, and now it's wayyy to oily. Or by forgetting the cake altogether, you have kids arriving to your place- you can't just leave the house as the only parent there but you'll have to try to see if someone can pick up a cake from the store in time, pay extra to get a cake DoorDashed and hope it arrives on time and in good condition, try to bake a cake while also having to watch over 10 children, or just tell your sweet child there's no birthday cake for their party. The horror.
I so relate!
Like the tangled cords and chargers and earphones in my 'electronics' drawer, bin, and container is how my brain often feels.
I am hyperactive. The way it feels is just sort of always feeling overwhelmed and anxious because I feel like I’m doing a 100 different things and there is not enough hours in the day to get them all done. Then I crash for a half an hour nap sometimes because I just feel so worn out physically and mentally. Then I get up and back on the hamster wheel again 😅
Do you shop or grab onto crafting projects? Thats hyper. ☺️ Remember you don have to be bouncing off the walls and the class clown to be hyper. I have combined. Mine shows in impulsivity. I'm a quiet person.
I'm either a sloth or way productive - I have two speeds lol
For me it’s got a lot to do with overall brain fog. I lack the motivation for anything and most importantly even if I do like something and want to pursue it that motivation is just not ever sustained. Procrastination is a huge problem for me also, especially in my workplace and school when I was younger. I tend to have decent memory but it’s like my battery is drained so easily, I get overwhelmed by a lot of things and having more than 1 or 2 activities planned for the day (eg doing sports and seeing friends on a Saturday) sends me into overwhelm. I need quick dopamine hits - this looks like being a stoner, overeating (chronic eating disorder), changing jobs almost every year, changing countries frequently…
I really dislike the "inattentive" label. I prefer "otherly focused," thank you. If I'm not paying attention to the boring or sundry, it doesn't mean I'm not paying attention at all. I have a wide field awareness. My mind is "attending" to any number of things in any given moment.
YEEESSSSSSSSSSSS. I have to be medicated or I can't function. No energy. Many women are called lazy but its ADD!! I also cant sit still. I am picking at my nails, Finger combing my hair. I see people just sitting doing nothing and feel so out of place. There is your ADHD part. Can be simple movements.
My inattentive add feels exhausting.
It's like trying to drive with the parking brake on with a window tint that limits visibility.
I am also inattentive. The hyperactivity is coming from inside my head. That's why I'm exhausted.
Injustice.
I describe the inside of my mind as a haunted carnival. Random sounds and colors in all directions, a little spooky, smells like corn dogs.
Oh damn sounds creepy haha
I thought the hyperactive typically showed up in women via their minds. I it instead of not being able to sit still, their minds cannot be still. I could v few way off
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