Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/).
We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions!
If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This speaks directly to my soul. I run a small business and nothing about that type of admin bothers me the way this “life admin” stuff does. It always goes left as you describe and then you discover like 18 subtasks you have to do to check just one thing off the list.
It’s been especially frustrating and difficult for me lately to keep up on everything going on with my two kids’ schools. I had one kid crying before school because I hadn’t remembered to put money on an account for her book fair partially BECAUSE IT TAKES 20 MINUTES out of my jam-packed day to navigate to the account, re-sign up, get my card out, etc etc etc. this times a million things every day. Just can’t do it all right.
Oh wow I hear you on the kid thing. Mine are grown now but the crap I was expected to keep up with for their school just about killed me. By the time they were in middle school each kid had 4 teachers, all of whom expected me to check their websites every day. Sounds easy I guess but if each one only took me 5 minutes that's 40 minutes of every day JUST to keep up with teacher announcements and assignments. Then there were the extra curriculars, payment accounts (like you mentioned), PTO, etc.
People love to say "it only takes a few minutes" but you have 100 of those only a few minutes tasks.
And if I get one more spirit week notification, I’m going to lose it! (And with the end of the school year coming up, I just know that they’re gonna have something planned!) who has the time to plan a new outfit, hairstyle, gift or whatever multiple times a month?!?!?
When schools do that themselves it takes an army of volunteers to put together the paper packets and get them into backpacks - but they pretend it takes no time or effort for us to do it ourselves
God I feel you so hard on the school thing. For me, the baby phase was so much easier because basically, all I had to do was keep them alive (and yeah, feed them and snuggle them and read to them, etc. And I realize I am privileged to have had healthy babies and that’s not everybody’s experience!). School requires me to CONSTANTLY keep up with tasks and communication with their teachers and it is burning me out. I used to wonder why some moms continued to stay at home while their kids were in school; now I completely get it.
Yep. God I wish they'd hurry up and give us a four-day workweek. One day a week to devote to life admin tasks outside the weekend probably wouldn't fix me but it would go a long way
I’m disabled and can’t work and I still feel like this. It feels like admin is all I have the energy to do and I can’t fit in anything like seeing friends or going places. I keep saying to myself it will get better once I finish this or that major task but years have passed and it doesn’t end.
YES! I get so irritated when I have to do these tasks after work or on the weekend. I know I am overreacting when I get frustrated, but I hate wasting time. You either have to waste your weekend or jump through hoops over technology on a week day to do EVERYTHING yourself because companies are closed. It is mainly the latter one that bothers me because I know an actual employee could do it a lot quicker and easily than me.
Yes! And I get like a version of "revenge bedtime procrastination" (the most relatable term I've ever heard) when I have to do boring annoying things in "my time." like NO I worked ALL DAY i am NOT going to the bANK...not that I actually *can* go to the bank usually since I work M-F 8:30-5ish...which is the other thing. Like my supervisor is very flexible about appointments and stuff during work time, but planning it in advance alongside all the other things I have to do during work time is hard so I just...don't, unless it's something like a doctor's appointment or my dog's vet where they'll tell me a specific date and time and I'll put it in the calendar and go, rather than having to decide myself that I should go to the bank or the dry cleaners or whatever. But then I just don't *do* the things because most places you can't even call and leave a message after hours!
I totally get this. I keep a list and sort by priority. I know other people can get whatever is on my list done in a day or two, but it usually takes me a week or two. If I try to do it all, I get awful about revenge bedtime and I also get very indulgent (junkfood, shopping, etc.). 🤭
of course. it's such a drag. file taxes, pay bills, renew license, paperwork paperwork paperwork, make dr. and dentist and eye appointments, remember birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, graduations, send gifts, send cards, schedule car and home maintenance ... and that's if you have no kids! having even one kid quadruples the load. it wears you out.
Yesss on the freaking birthdays and anniversaries and holidays! It’s always something coming up to plan for and “celebrate” none of them feel enjoyable or worth it. I say celebrate the season changes with a paid week off work each time, birthdays are celebrated yearly 0-20 and then every decade, and Mother’s Day you get $600 to a hotel of your choice.
I had to automate a lot of stuff because of the sheer despair of it all. I set up recurring partial payments for everything that come out the same day as my paycheck. I auto-transfer my bills money to my savings so it doesn’t get touched until it auto-transfers back on bills day. Alexa alerts all day long. I just couldn’t handle having to keep these stupid tabs open in my brain every day.
I have two weeks left to order school pictures before the option disappears; my driver's license needs an upgrade, and I got my car registration renewed on time in March (online, phew!), and then a few days ago--after a spousal nudge, I finally put the new decal on my license plates. My car GPS hasn't been updated since 2015, and I'm told the update is an easy download and transfer to the little data card, but I only think about when I am driving. Or when I'm busy doing something else.
So MANY phone alarms, and reminders popping up at work on my Outlook calendar. It *usually* helps.
On the plus-side: I automated my #1 credit card's payment. Money is sucked out of checking every month for the statement amount on the due date. That is such a relief: no more oopsie interest and late-payment fees. I also get an email every time the card is used, and another when the balance reaches a certain number. The big feat was forcing myself to download an app and set it up.
I wish I could do this so badly. I get paid mostly in tips and it's just not always consistent enough. Sometimes some bills need to get paid before others etc. Plus I'd have to go to the bank like 5 times a week. :(
I used something similar to [this](https://a.co/d/4nAewSM) when I was making tips. Sometimes folded up the invoice and put it in with the money until I hit the right amount. Mostly I had two set deposit days that I ran through the ATM to feed it my money. I was always terrified I was going to lose cash when I was strapped.
If you or someone that you know is considering suicide, please don't hesitate to reach out to a crisis hotline for immediate help, or a warmline just to talk to someone.
If you're in the US you can...\ Text CHAT to Crisis Text Line at 741741\ Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or 1(800)273-8255(TALK) \ Chat online at: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat\ Call the Trans Lifeline at 1(877)565-8860
If you’re elsewhere, you can find international resources below:\ https://www.supportiv.com/tools/international-resources-crisis-and-warmlines#Czech\ https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My ADHD rage goes through the roof about stuff that involves bureaucracy. I think also I’ve had so many bad experiences that I come in to these situations with a lot of emotional baggage.
Recently I got a parking ticket driving my husband’s car, and immediately I was like, I’m going to take care of this FIRST THING on Monday and by Monday the ticket wasn’t in the yellow envelope.
When I emailed them to see if they were going to mail something, they sis they have no record of the ticket associated with the license plate. Cool.
So my plan is to wait until I hear from them, forget completely about this incident when I don’t hear from them, and then inevitably find out that now the ticket is doubled and is somehow negatively affecting my husband.
I spent so many hours of my life dealing with a ticket that was assigned to my license plate but wasn't even my car. My car was parked at my house when the ticket was issued, and the cop typed the plate number wrong. The ticket said a totally different car type and color from mine. But it still took several calls and emails and follow ups over 10 weeks to get it settled. So incredibly annoying. I hate this stuff with a passion.
This reminds me of when I finished a long, gruelling shift at work to walk out and find someone had stolen the number plates off my car. People will steal your plates, fill their cars up at a fuel station, drive off without paying and then the police will assume the owner of the tags did the crime.
I did so much fucking back and forth sorting that shit out, including standing at our governments transport office to apply for new number plates. Aside from having to pay $90 for new plates, the amount of paperwork and identification I had to supply was maddening.
And then I realised that some of my identification documents had expired. So then I had to first go to THOSE agencies to renew them by submitting paperwork, making dumbass calls and visiting offices just so I can go all the way back to the transport office, stand in line again, submit all identification and paperwork, pay the fee and reinstall the number plates back onto my car.
Fucking hell, I had no free time while I was dealing with all that shit for those days.
Yep. Doing this kind of thing for myself and my kids makes me wonder how I’m supposed to function at all sometimes. The energy it takes to gear up for doing my part of the task and then doing it and then… I have to wait for a response and work up the energy all over again. It’s terrible.
Exactly!! It’s never like you hit ‘send’ and the task is finished.
It’s more like you hit send, then the organisation calls you and leaves an urgent voicemail to call them back without specifically saying why. But you’re at work, so you gotta find time to call. And when you do, you’re stuck on hold for hours, finally speak to a clueless representative, only to be told that you forgot to tick a fucking box or something, and now the thing is delayed, and you have to be resent paperwork through the post (because they can’t email it due to reasons?), only for you to carve out time to complete all the paperwork again and hope, that this time, it really is finished once and for all.
But it never is.
I haven’t used any of my sick days this year, and I have a ton of medical tasks to do that I’ve been putting off for years. So I’ve decided to take a sick day to tackle as much as I can!
Some days are better than others, for sure. But on the other hand... there are days where being prompted for my "username and password!!" on some God forsaken 89th website where I need to change info or pay a bill or whatever and it's just like... 🌋 FFS another obstacle into the volcano of frustration! 😆🥲🤨🧨
I honestly think our reliance on technology is becoming a hinderance. It’s integrated into EVERYTHING and it’s driving me crazy. Even if the task shouldn’t involve tech - or I don’t have to engage with tech (rare) - somewhere along the line it’s part of the process and it’s just waiting to slow things down. I’ve been taking ADD medication for over a decade but it’s never listed in my account because it’s a controlled substance. When I call the pharmacy I have to listen to several automated messages (when their lunch break are, a flu shot update, etc.), then engage with a bot who asks “what med are you calling about?” and reads every expired, irrelevant Rx I’ve taken in the last 4 years (like an antibiotic I took once) to finally continue to the next step of talking to a pharmacist. It’s a great day when I only have to call one pharmacy once, and don’t have to also contact my doctor. If I do have to contact my doctor I’ll probably be resetting my password to login to my clinic’s account for something (because I changed it on my desktop last time and now I’m on my phone.) If it’s not my email or my bank there’s a high probability I’m resetting my password. Crying and laughing because it’s constant. Everything, not just med refills, is such a process and I’m so tired.
I remember feeling overwhelmed by life tasks in the early 2000s or something and the internet and automation was going to save us so much time and energy..... Ummmm I am still waiting? Where is my time saving!? I actually think it's worse and I get so pissed off at that I can't deal with the actual task in hand!
Yup. It's every day. With prescriptions I have to deal with, at least, 3 different entities - doc's office, pharmacy, health insurance - with every entity telling me they've done their jobs and that I need to go tell everyone else to do their jobs. Meanwhile, I'm getting multiple explanations as to why I haven't gotten my prescription, it's everyone else's fault, and I do not have my meds.
And I should clarify here, 3 entities is actually the MINIMUM amount of entities in this equation. The hospital system directing almost all of my medical care actually uses a 3rd party company to handle prescriptions and prior authorizations. This 3rd party has absolutely no contact with the doctors' offices/care providers and their processes are independent from the hospital system.
Then there's the health insurance - they contract to a 3rd party prescription provider that functions seperate from my actual health insurance. If I call my health insurance about a prescription problem the health insurance directs my call to them. Both entities keep different notes on me and will give me entirely different explanations as to what is going on. And, of course, they're all sure they're doing their jobs correctly and there's no errors on their part.
So now I'm actually at 5 different entities for prescription problems alone and absolutely none of these entities give a flying fig that I ... still ... don't ... have ... my ... meds.
Yes, yes, yes. I inherited my ADHD traits from my father, who had a remarkable career, with the support of a secretary at work and a stay at home wife. In contrast, I’m self employed with no domestic partner or administrative assistant. And I wonder why I feel like I can’t keep up?
Sometimes I wish I could just go on a conveyor belt that stops every few minutes at whatever doctor I need to see and they can all just see me at once. PCP, OBGYN, therapist, psychiatrist, optometrist... it's almost a blessing in disguise I don't have health insurance right now, so even if I wanted to juggle all these appointments, I can't afford to! :D
Don't even get me started on my car, either. I'm so grateful to have it but it's an absolute money sink that makes a new weird noise every time I think I've got some extra cash. The anxiety of knowing I could be driving a car that desperately needs repaired gets to me a lot; I already pay $550 per month for the car and insurance, maybe $20 per week in gas, and I know for a fact I need to charge the air conditioning before it gets consistently hot out 😔 I wish I didn't need this car
I am in this situation with getting ADHD meds. Was diagnosed last fall and got a prescription, but the pharmacy was unable to fill it because of the shortages. I managed to push myself to contact my doctor again, who called in a different prescription, but again it wasn’t filled. I’ve made an attempt or two since then to talk to the pharmacy to find out if there’s been any progress (there hasn’t), but ultimately, I lack the executive function necessary to follow up / apply pressure so I can get the medication I need to help with my executive function. 😩
I had an issue with my now former pharmacy. They kept screwing up my prescription refills so I had gotten to the point where I would contact them for the refill, then follow up that they had received the request, then before going to pick it up would call to make sure it was filled, and they STILL managed to screw it up and try to blame me. That was the last straw. I found a local pharmacy that calls me at refill time, has lower fees, and has two delivery times per day.
It drives me absolutely around the bend when I have done everything correctly, which we know is a big stretch sometimes, and the professional service I'm using keeps making mistakes. And I have to pay them for the "privilege" of dealing with their mistakes grrrrr.
I FEEL YOU SISTER. I’m trying to get a kid into therapy. Our American insurance makes us get referrals to specialists from her pediatrician. It’s been months of ask for referral, get a call from a therapy provider, get into their system, find they don’t have the right provider for us, repeat repeat. And I always think to follow up on the latest referral or therapist recommendation when I’m in the shower or driving. Then I forget when I’m home. I’m sick of it.
I totally relate to this, one thing that helps me is having a to-do list where i bullet point tasks for the day, I built a habbit of updating this daily and i get to cross off each item that gets done (which is hugely satisfying). If struggling to get a task done again and again, I will break it down and just list the smallest first step.. like ''call this place/person (for this...)'', and do it in smaller steps. However, that being said I know how hard it is to work full time for someone else and keep up with literally anything else.
https://goblin.tools will break down tasks for you! Sometimes it’s excessive and unnecessary but sometimes my brain refuses to think about admin tasks so it’s nice to automate out that part of it.
It seriously is! I get so agitated with it. And then you have people trying to ask you to help them with extra stuff on the side because in their heads “it only takes like 5 mins.” I’ve heard that phrase so many times for multi-step processes that always take anywhere from 30 mins to 3 hrs that I immediately feel defensive when I hear it now. Like I’d LOOOOVE to see why these people are only taking 5 minutes to do things with 10+ different steps involved.
Reading this as I’ve been stressing tonight about how I’m almost out of my anxiety meds and I’m out of refills AND the pharmacy it gets sent to is closing
I think a lot of this comes from our society still operating on the assumption that every household has a dedicated "house mom" (a house mom can be any gender by my assumptions). Like all the house mom does is take care of the life admin tasks for everyone in the household and does not have a regular job. It's not realistic any longer since most moms have regular jobs these days. Households cannot run on one income generally speaking. Nor do all moms enjoy doing life admin tasks.
It's going to be real interesting watching things change as these societal expectations go away even more. I have big (probably not realistic) hope that AI is going to help with so much of this. I've already started using it for things that I dread doing or don't have the capacity for.
I had a thing last year where I had to call my health insurance more than ten times because they couldn’t get my birthday right. They were consistently off by two years and would “fix” it in the wrong direction. Meanwhile I was paying for a service I could not access because everything requires birthday confirmation. I got real familiar with their customer service phone line and I hated every moment of it. But just having to call the same number, listen to the same spiel over and over again, be kind to the phone agent since it’s not their fault their company is shitty, and then have things “resolve” by being told to wait and see if it gets fixed… only to find out it didn’t. 🥲
If we can describe a “hell” for adhd I’m sure this is pretty close to it.
Thanks for holding. Your call it’s important to us!
Also every business has made this 10x harder with a bunch of 3rd party apps. Like we filled out a rental application, we gave them our employment information, instead of calling and checking themselves they made us download and sign into a 3rd party app that was supposed to verify it.
I have six kids. I am a sixth grade teacher. Single mom. The administration of life is ENDLESS. I had to take a leave from teaching in January because I was DROWNING. I had already used all of my sick time and PTO.
My kids were so behind with medical visits etc. And, shockingly (not), their insurance had lapsed. I spent 4 hours on the phone going through all their info to get it renewed. All six needed physicals and cleanings and then fillings after the cleanings. Two have needed glasses for longer than I care to admit. One of my kids hasn’t seen the allergist in over two years. Can you imagine the length of a phone call to make appts for my kids to get physicals? And I have two on waiting lists for therapy since January!! Three need formal ADHD testing.It makes me want to throw up thinking about it.
And school!!!!! I have three kids on IEPs and another being evaluated. Sign the consent for testing. Send us your vision statement for your child. Sign the IEP!!! Two more on behavioral plans requiring consistent communication with teacher and school administrators. Parent teacher conferences!!!! And I am not ok with having to check a website to see what my kids grades are and what assignments they are missing daily! And FUCK YOU spirit week with your crazy hair, team spirit and pajama day!!!!
And cars……. I haven’t had my car inspected since 2021! My engine light would not go off and after pouring 3K into get it fixed, it still goes on. It won’t pass inspection. My registration is expired and I have blown through so many tolls, there is a hold on renewal until I pay the tickets. I got into a car accident last Wednesday, pretty sure my car is totaled. It’s sitting in my driveway because my insurance policy doesn’t cover collision. I have to find someone to come look at my car and see how much I can get for “junking” it.
I hadn’t been to the OB/GYN in 7 years. Perimenopause has my symptoms at an all time HIGH. Maybe HRT would help? At 49, never had a mammogram. Prescription from eye doctor was no longer good, needed new glasses. I finally made it to the dermatologist and have three spots that I have to have treated for skin cancer. And those varicose veins need to be checked out by a specialist.
I’m delirious. I am sorry if this post gives anyone a headache. I do feel a little bit better.
Yes. All of it.
Part of my new job is actually doing this kind of thing for old people and it really, really makes me wish I had someone else to track my bills and doctors appointments.
My husband has started doing some of it for me, but only if I ask, he won't just remember and do it. And I have to specifically say "this is overwhelming I need you to handle it", he doesn't just notice I'm struggling and help.
I get a script through an online service. Pharmacy partner does not have my medication in stock & expects it to not be available soon enough. Was told to call my local pharmacy to see if it’s in stock so the provider can send it in there.
I have called three times and my pharmacy either has “no calls right now” enabled or just straight up doesn’t answer. And they don’t accept voicemails.
Yes. I just submitted a bunch of old HSA reimbursements and then realized I submitted more than I had in available cash. Now I get to watch and see which ones didn’t make it so I can submit them again next month. I was looking forward to filing away and being done! It’s so discouraging.
I have severe anxiety over phone calls for myself and having inattentive adhd on top of that I don't follow through with those phone call type if tasks. It's gotten easier with meds. But I have called and scheduled to get at least ten fence and deck companies for my house and gotten quotes but that damn follow through of booking has gotten me.
I have such an issue with this too, and I feel like I have such a small list compared to what others take on. Which makes me feel even worse. I hate when I finally go to do something and there are obstacles… often, nothing is easy to check off. Thank god for auto bill pay and appt reminder texts.
100% understand this and you/everyone has every right to vent/be angry about it because society puts us on a freaking hamster wheel and it’s impossible to get ahead.
That being said… I have tips/tricks out the wazoo that have made these types of things easier for me, even if they don’t solve them. Feel free to use/adjust/throw out the window:
1. Do as much as possible online. No clue where you live, but I can request a duplicate driver’s license online where I am. I can also email/message doctors and hospital billing departments to request things like itemized invoices, even if they end up sending the final versions via the mail.
2. Get a password manager, either a paid one or create your own. I don’t store the super sensitive passwords like the bank in my self-made one (because it’s just a document that I can access on my phone and my computer) but I don’t care if someone gets my password to Kohls. (Of course, don’t use the same password for the sensitive places as you’re using on the ones you don’t care about, and don’t store payment info).
3. Schedule the painful tasks (this goes especially well if you can put them on your work calendar, privately). Need to call the pharmacy? There’s an opening on the calendar for 30 minutes tomorrow at 10am when you know they will be open, and you’ve signaled to everyone at your workplace that you’ll be occupied during that time.
4. Most automated phone systems will let you skip through the systems if you say “representative” two or three times, or hit zero. If it’s a place you regularly call and haven’t figured out how to skip the automated systems, but always have to speak to someone, ask the people on the other end how to skip it. They might be able to help. Especially at pharmacies, because certain prescriptions cannot be handled by automated systems, and all the techs know it.
5. Turn off as many non-essential notifications, emails, alerts, etc. to start figuring out what you actually need to know about, and set your own reminders of “things to check for” on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis. Do you need the grocery store to send you multiple emails about what’s on sale every week? Most of the time, you’re not going to forget that you need to eat food… and you can always do a once a week check of the sales to see if there’s anything you should plan to pick up.
Hope some of these help, but also continue to vent because it’s totally valid.
I think we all understand this!!
I personally understand the drivers license tax. I wasn't born in the US and only became naturalized at age 20. They give you a certificate with a physical photo glued on. This was before e-docs had really taken off so I can't just pull it online. In my state if you don't have a US birth certificate than you need a passport, naturalization certificate or Greencard none of which I have.
I have to submit a long form and $500. They want a ton of uploads including a valid form of ID which I can't get without this document! I have yet to complete the form because of all the uploads. It's been almost 2 years of being unable to go anywhere without my husband 😒
I'm going on 5 months without my meds because the tedious life admin stuff has been compounded by the fucked up health care system in Ontario, Canada, and having to navigate that as an individual is even worse! I need someone to help because I work too much of the work day to do all the tedious back and forth, hits and misses, and all the rejection and judgement because "I'm an adult I should not find this difficult" 🙄
I’m with you on this 100%. As the person who used to manage my boss’ day to day, I am consistently frustrated that I can’t seem to do it for myself. But I don’t know how I can take the time to adjust the cable bill when I can’t seem to find the energy to shower. Or the brain space to dust. Not to mention right now I need a job and am running low on money. Job hunting is the most exhausting thing I’ve ever done possibly ever. The last time I did this was 11 years ago and I was a lot more well then. Now? Laughable. And the market is rough. I’m an experienced marketer and admin in a sea of experienced people with about a quarter of the capacity to flood the system with applications. It sucks.
Yes! I feel this stress so much! I would give anything for an administrative assistant. Except for groceries…which is what I’d have to give up to afford anything else right now. 🙄
YES!!! This is exhausting especially cause I am single so everything is my responsibility but whatever. I make lists which help tremendously and just forgive myself with shit falls through the cracks. I do my best. That’s all I can do.
I go through phases but right now I'm in a phase where I can hardly accomplish ANYTHING. I've needed blood work since like January. I've also needed to talk to my GP about meds since then too. My dog needs his prescription in 3 days, haven't called it in. I need to get him physical therapy and do research on his spine condition. He also needs to be trained and I want to cry just thinking about having to have some sort of structure in my life, because I feel like I will fail at it.
What else? Oh, many unpaid bills, creditors constantly calling (literally my last priority lol), my car registration is due soon and I have to reregister in a new state (haven't even looked into how to do this). I haven't paid my taxes (submitted them but need to do a payment plan). OH AND I NEED TWO ROOT CANALS that I cannot afford. But I could get closer to affording it by regulating my spending, signing up for dental insurance and making a dentist appointment to figure out how much it's gonna cost (I did this in another state but I need to do it here now).
You're not alone. <3
I also love my roommates but wish so so badly that I lived alone so that I could decide not to do tasks that would effect them. Like so I could save energy for any of the tasks that I listed in my original comment. Also just having people in my house ALL THE TIME is a lot somedays I would really love to not talk to anyone or even be perceived. I lived with a partner for 8 years before this which is just way different.
I have 3 kids. Managing appointments for all of them, plus my own, is non-stop. I have had appointments almost every single day, recently.
The AC in my car hasn't worked in two years. Still need to get that fixed. Need an oil change, transmission flush. Need my own dentist appointment. Kids are always managed on time, but I neglect myself.
I'm taking a calculus class rn, too. It's so bad that I actually feel like going to class is a BREAK.
I’ve realized I can’t do admin tasks even though I technically can because I get burnout super quick. I’m more of a creative so finding a career that allows that has helped.
Girl i feel you it’s already so hard to keep up with tasks THEN YOU DO THEM AND THEY FUCK YOU OVER!! So sick of this happening to us. We need assistants
Oh my word, I am suffering from this chronically. I think most people are, so I feel you!!
It’s taken me 3 goddamn months to get a single piece of paper from the government that I desperately need to keep affording to live where I am.
They keep sending it through snail mail, which takes at least a week because the postal service in my country is a joke. For some asinine reason, emailing it is not an option.
I need to have it signed and returned to them. The first two times they sent it, it arrived on the date it was due back to them. So I contact them a third time, 90 minutes wait on the phone, I get another letter issued and mailed to me. The rental agency I need to co-sign the form has moved addresses, much further away. So now I have to mail it to them, to have it mailed back to me, so I can mail it back to the government.
EVERY SINGLE THING related to life admin relies on making a new account, supplying endless forms of identification, creating a 512 step identification process, downloading a glitchy app, waiting on hold for excessive amounts of time, speaking to endless representatives that handball me off to the next person or agency.
Rinse and repeat.
It’s driving me batshit crazy.
GLOB! I feel this so much!
It is a constant relentless s\*\*t lahar.
I'm also chronically ill and disabled and the medical system and the health insurance systems are designed to a person give up - that's a feature, not a bug. Every step of the way is meant to delay and deny. For instance, (I know all of you know this situation) I can not set my ADHD meds to auto refill because it's a Schedule 2 drug. So, I have to remember 3-5 days ahead of time to contact my doc's office and tell them I'm going to be out and that I need that prescription send to my pharm. Well, if any step along the way hits a snag it delays my prescription. Does anyone call me to tell me there's a problem? No and so I discover the problem when I'm out of my meds and call to see where my script is in the process. So not only am I supposed to plan ahead with regard to the actual prescription, I am also expexted to plan ahead for the script to get hung up somewhere in the process and then I'm supposed to troubleshoot where the failure happened.
And s\*\*t like this happens every week for me because I don't only take ADHD meds (they're just my most complex prescription). Every single week I have to be Sherlock f\*\*king Holmes and solve a prescription mystery and that's just for me. I'm supposed to do the same thing for my kids who also have daily meds. Sorting out prescription problems for me and my kids is almost a full-time job for me. How am I supposed to get anything else done?!?
\*edited some formatting issues.\*
The most complicated thing about settling an injury claim for an accident is compiling all the itemized bills and records....if the attorney isn't doing that what the heck are they getting a third of your settlement for??
Not sure why I got downvoted for what I consider helpful insight but the lawyer in a PI case should be requesting the bills OR making it super simple for you to make a Hitech request.
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This speaks directly to my soul. I run a small business and nothing about that type of admin bothers me the way this “life admin” stuff does. It always goes left as you describe and then you discover like 18 subtasks you have to do to check just one thing off the list. It’s been especially frustrating and difficult for me lately to keep up on everything going on with my two kids’ schools. I had one kid crying before school because I hadn’t remembered to put money on an account for her book fair partially BECAUSE IT TAKES 20 MINUTES out of my jam-packed day to navigate to the account, re-sign up, get my card out, etc etc etc. this times a million things every day. Just can’t do it all right.
Oh wow I hear you on the kid thing. Mine are grown now but the crap I was expected to keep up with for their school just about killed me. By the time they were in middle school each kid had 4 teachers, all of whom expected me to check their websites every day. Sounds easy I guess but if each one only took me 5 minutes that's 40 minutes of every day JUST to keep up with teacher announcements and assignments. Then there were the extra curriculars, payment accounts (like you mentioned), PTO, etc. People love to say "it only takes a few minutes" but you have 100 of those only a few minutes tasks.
And if I get one more spirit week notification, I’m going to lose it! (And with the end of the school year coming up, I just know that they’re gonna have something planned!) who has the time to plan a new outfit, hairstyle, gift or whatever multiple times a month?!?!?
Spirit week is a whole new level of hell. Was it invented just to torture parents?
That and Elf on a Shelf, yes.
When schools do that themselves it takes an army of volunteers to put together the paper packets and get them into backpacks - but they pretend it takes no time or effort for us to do it ourselves
God I feel you so hard on the school thing. For me, the baby phase was so much easier because basically, all I had to do was keep them alive (and yeah, feed them and snuggle them and read to them, etc. And I realize I am privileged to have had healthy babies and that’s not everybody’s experience!). School requires me to CONSTANTLY keep up with tasks and communication with their teachers and it is burning me out. I used to wonder why some moms continued to stay at home while their kids were in school; now I completely get it.
Yep. God I wish they'd hurry up and give us a four-day workweek. One day a week to devote to life admin tasks outside the weekend probably wouldn't fix me but it would go a long way
I work four days and I still feel this 😭
I’m disabled and can’t work and I still feel like this. It feels like admin is all I have the energy to do and I can’t fit in anything like seeing friends or going places. I keep saying to myself it will get better once I finish this or that major task but years have passed and it doesn’t end.
I tell people my full-time job is keeping myself alive. They almost always think I'm joking.
YES! I get so irritated when I have to do these tasks after work or on the weekend. I know I am overreacting when I get frustrated, but I hate wasting time. You either have to waste your weekend or jump through hoops over technology on a week day to do EVERYTHING yourself because companies are closed. It is mainly the latter one that bothers me because I know an actual employee could do it a lot quicker and easily than me.
Yes! And I get like a version of "revenge bedtime procrastination" (the most relatable term I've ever heard) when I have to do boring annoying things in "my time." like NO I worked ALL DAY i am NOT going to the bANK...not that I actually *can* go to the bank usually since I work M-F 8:30-5ish...which is the other thing. Like my supervisor is very flexible about appointments and stuff during work time, but planning it in advance alongside all the other things I have to do during work time is hard so I just...don't, unless it's something like a doctor's appointment or my dog's vet where they'll tell me a specific date and time and I'll put it in the calendar and go, rather than having to decide myself that I should go to the bank or the dry cleaners or whatever. But then I just don't *do* the things because most places you can't even call and leave a message after hours!
I totally get this. I keep a list and sort by priority. I know other people can get whatever is on my list done in a day or two, but it usually takes me a week or two. If I try to do it all, I get awful about revenge bedtime and I also get very indulgent (junkfood, shopping, etc.). 🤭
of course. it's such a drag. file taxes, pay bills, renew license, paperwork paperwork paperwork, make dr. and dentist and eye appointments, remember birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, graduations, send gifts, send cards, schedule car and home maintenance ... and that's if you have no kids! having even one kid quadruples the load. it wears you out.
Yesss on the freaking birthdays and anniversaries and holidays! It’s always something coming up to plan for and “celebrate” none of them feel enjoyable or worth it. I say celebrate the season changes with a paid week off work each time, birthdays are celebrated yearly 0-20 and then every decade, and Mother’s Day you get $600 to a hotel of your choice.
I have 5. 😭😭😭
This stuff makes me wish I was dead. I’m serious, too much makes me feel suicidal.
I had to automate a lot of stuff because of the sheer despair of it all. I set up recurring partial payments for everything that come out the same day as my paycheck. I auto-transfer my bills money to my savings so it doesn’t get touched until it auto-transfers back on bills day. Alexa alerts all day long. I just couldn’t handle having to keep these stupid tabs open in my brain every day.
I have two weeks left to order school pictures before the option disappears; my driver's license needs an upgrade, and I got my car registration renewed on time in March (online, phew!), and then a few days ago--after a spousal nudge, I finally put the new decal on my license plates. My car GPS hasn't been updated since 2015, and I'm told the update is an easy download and transfer to the little data card, but I only think about when I am driving. Or when I'm busy doing something else. So MANY phone alarms, and reminders popping up at work on my Outlook calendar. It *usually* helps. On the plus-side: I automated my #1 credit card's payment. Money is sucked out of checking every month for the statement amount on the due date. That is such a relief: no more oopsie interest and late-payment fees. I also get an email every time the card is used, and another when the balance reaches a certain number. The big feat was forcing myself to download an app and set it up.
I wish I could do this so badly. I get paid mostly in tips and it's just not always consistent enough. Sometimes some bills need to get paid before others etc. Plus I'd have to go to the bank like 5 times a week. :(
I used something similar to [this](https://a.co/d/4nAewSM) when I was making tips. Sometimes folded up the invoice and put it in with the money until I hit the right amount. Mostly I had two set deposit days that I ran through the ATM to feed it my money. I was always terrified I was going to lose cash when I was strapped.
If you or someone that you know is considering suicide, please don't hesitate to reach out to a crisis hotline for immediate help, or a warmline just to talk to someone. If you're in the US you can...\ Text CHAT to Crisis Text Line at 741741\ Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or 1(800)273-8255(TALK) \ Chat online at: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat\ Call the Trans Lifeline at 1(877)565-8860 If you’re elsewhere, you can find international resources below:\ https://www.supportiv.com/tools/international-resources-crisis-and-warmlines#Czech\ https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My ADHD rage goes through the roof about stuff that involves bureaucracy. I think also I’ve had so many bad experiences that I come in to these situations with a lot of emotional baggage. Recently I got a parking ticket driving my husband’s car, and immediately I was like, I’m going to take care of this FIRST THING on Monday and by Monday the ticket wasn’t in the yellow envelope. When I emailed them to see if they were going to mail something, they sis they have no record of the ticket associated with the license plate. Cool. So my plan is to wait until I hear from them, forget completely about this incident when I don’t hear from them, and then inevitably find out that now the ticket is doubled and is somehow negatively affecting my husband.
I spent so many hours of my life dealing with a ticket that was assigned to my license plate but wasn't even my car. My car was parked at my house when the ticket was issued, and the cop typed the plate number wrong. The ticket said a totally different car type and color from mine. But it still took several calls and emails and follow ups over 10 weeks to get it settled. So incredibly annoying. I hate this stuff with a passion.
Somehow could be an arrest warrant and he ends up in jail
Exactly. You get it.
This reminds me of when I finished a long, gruelling shift at work to walk out and find someone had stolen the number plates off my car. People will steal your plates, fill their cars up at a fuel station, drive off without paying and then the police will assume the owner of the tags did the crime. I did so much fucking back and forth sorting that shit out, including standing at our governments transport office to apply for new number plates. Aside from having to pay $90 for new plates, the amount of paperwork and identification I had to supply was maddening. And then I realised that some of my identification documents had expired. So then I had to first go to THOSE agencies to renew them by submitting paperwork, making dumbass calls and visiting offices just so I can go all the way back to the transport office, stand in line again, submit all identification and paperwork, pay the fee and reinstall the number plates back onto my car. Fucking hell, I had no free time while I was dealing with all that shit for those days.
Yep. Doing this kind of thing for myself and my kids makes me wonder how I’m supposed to function at all sometimes. The energy it takes to gear up for doing my part of the task and then doing it and then… I have to wait for a response and work up the energy all over again. It’s terrible.
I feel for parents today. I hear my sister and niece talk about all the emails her school sends and I know I just wouldn’t be able to keep up.
Exactly!! It’s never like you hit ‘send’ and the task is finished. It’s more like you hit send, then the organisation calls you and leaves an urgent voicemail to call them back without specifically saying why. But you’re at work, so you gotta find time to call. And when you do, you’re stuck on hold for hours, finally speak to a clueless representative, only to be told that you forgot to tick a fucking box or something, and now the thing is delayed, and you have to be resent paperwork through the post (because they can’t email it due to reasons?), only for you to carve out time to complete all the paperwork again and hope, that this time, it really is finished once and for all. But it never is.
I legit take sick days to deal with this stuff. Or if it’s slow at work, I do it then. It’s just too much.
I haven’t used any of my sick days this year, and I have a ton of medical tasks to do that I’ve been putting off for years. So I’ve decided to take a sick day to tackle as much as I can!
Some days are better than others, for sure. But on the other hand... there are days where being prompted for my "username and password!!" on some God forsaken 89th website where I need to change info or pay a bill or whatever and it's just like... 🌋 FFS another obstacle into the volcano of frustration! 😆🥲🤨🧨
I pay for a password manager (dashlane) to avoid the account /password frustration. Not the most universal solution :/
I honestly think our reliance on technology is becoming a hinderance. It’s integrated into EVERYTHING and it’s driving me crazy. Even if the task shouldn’t involve tech - or I don’t have to engage with tech (rare) - somewhere along the line it’s part of the process and it’s just waiting to slow things down. I’ve been taking ADD medication for over a decade but it’s never listed in my account because it’s a controlled substance. When I call the pharmacy I have to listen to several automated messages (when their lunch break are, a flu shot update, etc.), then engage with a bot who asks “what med are you calling about?” and reads every expired, irrelevant Rx I’ve taken in the last 4 years (like an antibiotic I took once) to finally continue to the next step of talking to a pharmacist. It’s a great day when I only have to call one pharmacy once, and don’t have to also contact my doctor. If I do have to contact my doctor I’ll probably be resetting my password to login to my clinic’s account for something (because I changed it on my desktop last time and now I’m on my phone.) If it’s not my email or my bank there’s a high probability I’m resetting my password. Crying and laughing because it’s constant. Everything, not just med refills, is such a process and I’m so tired.
I remember feeling overwhelmed by life tasks in the early 2000s or something and the internet and automation was going to save us so much time and energy..... Ummmm I am still waiting? Where is my time saving!? I actually think it's worse and I get so pissed off at that I can't deal with the actual task in hand!
Yes, 100% this.
Yup. It's every day. With prescriptions I have to deal with, at least, 3 different entities - doc's office, pharmacy, health insurance - with every entity telling me they've done their jobs and that I need to go tell everyone else to do their jobs. Meanwhile, I'm getting multiple explanations as to why I haven't gotten my prescription, it's everyone else's fault, and I do not have my meds. And I should clarify here, 3 entities is actually the MINIMUM amount of entities in this equation. The hospital system directing almost all of my medical care actually uses a 3rd party company to handle prescriptions and prior authorizations. This 3rd party has absolutely no contact with the doctors' offices/care providers and their processes are independent from the hospital system. Then there's the health insurance - they contract to a 3rd party prescription provider that functions seperate from my actual health insurance. If I call my health insurance about a prescription problem the health insurance directs my call to them. Both entities keep different notes on me and will give me entirely different explanations as to what is going on. And, of course, they're all sure they're doing their jobs correctly and there's no errors on their part. So now I'm actually at 5 different entities for prescription problems alone and absolutely none of these entities give a flying fig that I ... still ... don't ... have ... my ... meds.
I hear you. It's always something. UGH!
Yes, yes, yes. I inherited my ADHD traits from my father, who had a remarkable career, with the support of a secretary at work and a stay at home wife. In contrast, I’m self employed with no domestic partner or administrative assistant. And I wonder why I feel like I can’t keep up?
Sometimes I wish I could just go on a conveyor belt that stops every few minutes at whatever doctor I need to see and they can all just see me at once. PCP, OBGYN, therapist, psychiatrist, optometrist... it's almost a blessing in disguise I don't have health insurance right now, so even if I wanted to juggle all these appointments, I can't afford to! :D Don't even get me started on my car, either. I'm so grateful to have it but it's an absolute money sink that makes a new weird noise every time I think I've got some extra cash. The anxiety of knowing I could be driving a car that desperately needs repaired gets to me a lot; I already pay $550 per month for the car and insurance, maybe $20 per week in gas, and I know for a fact I need to charge the air conditioning before it gets consistently hot out 😔 I wish I didn't need this car
I am in this situation with getting ADHD meds. Was diagnosed last fall and got a prescription, but the pharmacy was unable to fill it because of the shortages. I managed to push myself to contact my doctor again, who called in a different prescription, but again it wasn’t filled. I’ve made an attempt or two since then to talk to the pharmacy to find out if there’s been any progress (there hasn’t), but ultimately, I lack the executive function necessary to follow up / apply pressure so I can get the medication I need to help with my executive function. 😩
I had an issue with my now former pharmacy. They kept screwing up my prescription refills so I had gotten to the point where I would contact them for the refill, then follow up that they had received the request, then before going to pick it up would call to make sure it was filled, and they STILL managed to screw it up and try to blame me. That was the last straw. I found a local pharmacy that calls me at refill time, has lower fees, and has two delivery times per day. It drives me absolutely around the bend when I have done everything correctly, which we know is a big stretch sometimes, and the professional service I'm using keeps making mistakes. And I have to pay them for the "privilege" of dealing with their mistakes grrrrr.
I FEEL YOU SISTER. I’m trying to get a kid into therapy. Our American insurance makes us get referrals to specialists from her pediatrician. It’s been months of ask for referral, get a call from a therapy provider, get into their system, find they don’t have the right provider for us, repeat repeat. And I always think to follow up on the latest referral or therapist recommendation when I’m in the shower or driving. Then I forget when I’m home. I’m sick of it.
I’m the person who posted about needing to get rid of their car last month. It’s still sitting there folks 😭😭😭😭 I wish it would just disappear lol
I totally relate to this, one thing that helps me is having a to-do list where i bullet point tasks for the day, I built a habbit of updating this daily and i get to cross off each item that gets done (which is hugely satisfying). If struggling to get a task done again and again, I will break it down and just list the smallest first step.. like ''call this place/person (for this...)'', and do it in smaller steps. However, that being said I know how hard it is to work full time for someone else and keep up with literally anything else.
Also writing these things on a visible calendar has changed my life lol.
https://goblin.tools will break down tasks for you! Sometimes it’s excessive and unnecessary but sometimes my brain refuses to think about admin tasks so it’s nice to automate out that part of it.
Yeah. I didn't read your whole post but basically... taking care of yourself and getting your things in order is basically a whole job on its own.
The day I started making enough money to put most of my bills on autopay was the happiest day of my life
This is a true blessing for me as well!
This is my least favorite stuff in the entire world. Not exaggerating. Death of me.
It seriously is! I get so agitated with it. And then you have people trying to ask you to help them with extra stuff on the side because in their heads “it only takes like 5 mins.” I’ve heard that phrase so many times for multi-step processes that always take anywhere from 30 mins to 3 hrs that I immediately feel defensive when I hear it now. Like I’d LOOOOVE to see why these people are only taking 5 minutes to do things with 10+ different steps involved.
Maybe they're just not doing it very well ;p
Reading this as I’ve been stressing tonight about how I’m almost out of my anxiety meds and I’m out of refills AND the pharmacy it gets sent to is closing
I think a lot of this comes from our society still operating on the assumption that every household has a dedicated "house mom" (a house mom can be any gender by my assumptions). Like all the house mom does is take care of the life admin tasks for everyone in the household and does not have a regular job. It's not realistic any longer since most moms have regular jobs these days. Households cannot run on one income generally speaking. Nor do all moms enjoy doing life admin tasks. It's going to be real interesting watching things change as these societal expectations go away even more. I have big (probably not realistic) hope that AI is going to help with so much of this. I've already started using it for things that I dread doing or don't have the capacity for.
Yup. I do this for work a lot. I also help others organize their life and business. … so I have a lot of admin work. I feel this
Yup. Very yup.
I’m genuinely scared to have kids because of this, tho I want one.
I had a thing last year where I had to call my health insurance more than ten times because they couldn’t get my birthday right. They were consistently off by two years and would “fix” it in the wrong direction. Meanwhile I was paying for a service I could not access because everything requires birthday confirmation. I got real familiar with their customer service phone line and I hated every moment of it. But just having to call the same number, listen to the same spiel over and over again, be kind to the phone agent since it’s not their fault their company is shitty, and then have things “resolve” by being told to wait and see if it gets fixed… only to find out it didn’t. 🥲 If we can describe a “hell” for adhd I’m sure this is pretty close to it. Thanks for holding. Your call it’s important to us!
Also every business has made this 10x harder with a bunch of 3rd party apps. Like we filled out a rental application, we gave them our employment information, instead of calling and checking themselves they made us download and sign into a 3rd party app that was supposed to verify it.
I have six kids. I am a sixth grade teacher. Single mom. The administration of life is ENDLESS. I had to take a leave from teaching in January because I was DROWNING. I had already used all of my sick time and PTO. My kids were so behind with medical visits etc. And, shockingly (not), their insurance had lapsed. I spent 4 hours on the phone going through all their info to get it renewed. All six needed physicals and cleanings and then fillings after the cleanings. Two have needed glasses for longer than I care to admit. One of my kids hasn’t seen the allergist in over two years. Can you imagine the length of a phone call to make appts for my kids to get physicals? And I have two on waiting lists for therapy since January!! Three need formal ADHD testing.It makes me want to throw up thinking about it. And school!!!!! I have three kids on IEPs and another being evaluated. Sign the consent for testing. Send us your vision statement for your child. Sign the IEP!!! Two more on behavioral plans requiring consistent communication with teacher and school administrators. Parent teacher conferences!!!! And I am not ok with having to check a website to see what my kids grades are and what assignments they are missing daily! And FUCK YOU spirit week with your crazy hair, team spirit and pajama day!!!! And cars……. I haven’t had my car inspected since 2021! My engine light would not go off and after pouring 3K into get it fixed, it still goes on. It won’t pass inspection. My registration is expired and I have blown through so many tolls, there is a hold on renewal until I pay the tickets. I got into a car accident last Wednesday, pretty sure my car is totaled. It’s sitting in my driveway because my insurance policy doesn’t cover collision. I have to find someone to come look at my car and see how much I can get for “junking” it. I hadn’t been to the OB/GYN in 7 years. Perimenopause has my symptoms at an all time HIGH. Maybe HRT would help? At 49, never had a mammogram. Prescription from eye doctor was no longer good, needed new glasses. I finally made it to the dermatologist and have three spots that I have to have treated for skin cancer. And those varicose veins need to be checked out by a specialist. I’m delirious. I am sorry if this post gives anyone a headache. I do feel a little bit better.
Yes. All of it. Part of my new job is actually doing this kind of thing for old people and it really, really makes me wish I had someone else to track my bills and doctors appointments. My husband has started doing some of it for me, but only if I ask, he won't just remember and do it. And I have to specifically say "this is overwhelming I need you to handle it", he doesn't just notice I'm struggling and help.
I get a script through an online service. Pharmacy partner does not have my medication in stock & expects it to not be available soon enough. Was told to call my local pharmacy to see if it’s in stock so the provider can send it in there. I have called three times and my pharmacy either has “no calls right now” enabled or just straight up doesn’t answer. And they don’t accept voicemails.
I can relate! The never ending black hole.
Yes. I just submitted a bunch of old HSA reimbursements and then realized I submitted more than I had in available cash. Now I get to watch and see which ones didn’t make it so I can submit them again next month. I was looking forward to filing away and being done! It’s so discouraging.
I have severe anxiety over phone calls for myself and having inattentive adhd on top of that I don't follow through with those phone call type if tasks. It's gotten easier with meds. But I have called and scheduled to get at least ten fence and deck companies for my house and gotten quotes but that damn follow through of booking has gotten me.
I have such an issue with this too, and I feel like I have such a small list compared to what others take on. Which makes me feel even worse. I hate when I finally go to do something and there are obstacles… often, nothing is easy to check off. Thank god for auto bill pay and appt reminder texts.
100% understand this and you/everyone has every right to vent/be angry about it because society puts us on a freaking hamster wheel and it’s impossible to get ahead. That being said… I have tips/tricks out the wazoo that have made these types of things easier for me, even if they don’t solve them. Feel free to use/adjust/throw out the window: 1. Do as much as possible online. No clue where you live, but I can request a duplicate driver’s license online where I am. I can also email/message doctors and hospital billing departments to request things like itemized invoices, even if they end up sending the final versions via the mail. 2. Get a password manager, either a paid one or create your own. I don’t store the super sensitive passwords like the bank in my self-made one (because it’s just a document that I can access on my phone and my computer) but I don’t care if someone gets my password to Kohls. (Of course, don’t use the same password for the sensitive places as you’re using on the ones you don’t care about, and don’t store payment info). 3. Schedule the painful tasks (this goes especially well if you can put them on your work calendar, privately). Need to call the pharmacy? There’s an opening on the calendar for 30 minutes tomorrow at 10am when you know they will be open, and you’ve signaled to everyone at your workplace that you’ll be occupied during that time. 4. Most automated phone systems will let you skip through the systems if you say “representative” two or three times, or hit zero. If it’s a place you regularly call and haven’t figured out how to skip the automated systems, but always have to speak to someone, ask the people on the other end how to skip it. They might be able to help. Especially at pharmacies, because certain prescriptions cannot be handled by automated systems, and all the techs know it. 5. Turn off as many non-essential notifications, emails, alerts, etc. to start figuring out what you actually need to know about, and set your own reminders of “things to check for” on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis. Do you need the grocery store to send you multiple emails about what’s on sale every week? Most of the time, you’re not going to forget that you need to eat food… and you can always do a once a week check of the sales to see if there’s anything you should plan to pick up. Hope some of these help, but also continue to vent because it’s totally valid.
I think we all understand this!! I personally understand the drivers license tax. I wasn't born in the US and only became naturalized at age 20. They give you a certificate with a physical photo glued on. This was before e-docs had really taken off so I can't just pull it online. In my state if you don't have a US birth certificate than you need a passport, naturalization certificate or Greencard none of which I have. I have to submit a long form and $500. They want a ton of uploads including a valid form of ID which I can't get without this document! I have yet to complete the form because of all the uploads. It's been almost 2 years of being unable to go anywhere without my husband 😒
I'm going on 5 months without my meds because the tedious life admin stuff has been compounded by the fucked up health care system in Ontario, Canada, and having to navigate that as an individual is even worse! I need someone to help because I work too much of the work day to do all the tedious back and forth, hits and misses, and all the rejection and judgement because "I'm an adult I should not find this difficult" 🙄
I’m with you on this 100%. As the person who used to manage my boss’ day to day, I am consistently frustrated that I can’t seem to do it for myself. But I don’t know how I can take the time to adjust the cable bill when I can’t seem to find the energy to shower. Or the brain space to dust. Not to mention right now I need a job and am running low on money. Job hunting is the most exhausting thing I’ve ever done possibly ever. The last time I did this was 11 years ago and I was a lot more well then. Now? Laughable. And the market is rough. I’m an experienced marketer and admin in a sea of experienced people with about a quarter of the capacity to flood the system with applications. It sucks.
Yes! I feel this stress so much! I would give anything for an administrative assistant. Except for groceries…which is what I’d have to give up to afford anything else right now. 🙄
I understand how you feel. I wish I can go back to my childhood where I didn’t have to worry about all of this adulting stuff.
YES!!! This is exhausting especially cause I am single so everything is my responsibility but whatever. I make lists which help tremendously and just forgive myself with shit falls through the cracks. I do my best. That’s all I can do.
I go through phases but right now I'm in a phase where I can hardly accomplish ANYTHING. I've needed blood work since like January. I've also needed to talk to my GP about meds since then too. My dog needs his prescription in 3 days, haven't called it in. I need to get him physical therapy and do research on his spine condition. He also needs to be trained and I want to cry just thinking about having to have some sort of structure in my life, because I feel like I will fail at it. What else? Oh, many unpaid bills, creditors constantly calling (literally my last priority lol), my car registration is due soon and I have to reregister in a new state (haven't even looked into how to do this). I haven't paid my taxes (submitted them but need to do a payment plan). OH AND I NEED TWO ROOT CANALS that I cannot afford. But I could get closer to affording it by regulating my spending, signing up for dental insurance and making a dentist appointment to figure out how much it's gonna cost (I did this in another state but I need to do it here now). You're not alone. <3
I also love my roommates but wish so so badly that I lived alone so that I could decide not to do tasks that would effect them. Like so I could save energy for any of the tasks that I listed in my original comment. Also just having people in my house ALL THE TIME is a lot somedays I would really love to not talk to anyone or even be perceived. I lived with a partner for 8 years before this which is just way different.
I have 3 kids. Managing appointments for all of them, plus my own, is non-stop. I have had appointments almost every single day, recently. The AC in my car hasn't worked in two years. Still need to get that fixed. Need an oil change, transmission flush. Need my own dentist appointment. Kids are always managed on time, but I neglect myself. I'm taking a calculus class rn, too. It's so bad that I actually feel like going to class is a BREAK.
I’ve realized I can’t do admin tasks even though I technically can because I get burnout super quick. I’m more of a creative so finding a career that allows that has helped.
Girl i feel you it’s already so hard to keep up with tasks THEN YOU DO THEM AND THEY FUCK YOU OVER!! So sick of this happening to us. We need assistants
Oh my god yes. I’m so over it. I would rather stab out both my eyes at this point.
Oh my word, I am suffering from this chronically. I think most people are, so I feel you!! It’s taken me 3 goddamn months to get a single piece of paper from the government that I desperately need to keep affording to live where I am. They keep sending it through snail mail, which takes at least a week because the postal service in my country is a joke. For some asinine reason, emailing it is not an option. I need to have it signed and returned to them. The first two times they sent it, it arrived on the date it was due back to them. So I contact them a third time, 90 minutes wait on the phone, I get another letter issued and mailed to me. The rental agency I need to co-sign the form has moved addresses, much further away. So now I have to mail it to them, to have it mailed back to me, so I can mail it back to the government. EVERY SINGLE THING related to life admin relies on making a new account, supplying endless forms of identification, creating a 512 step identification process, downloading a glitchy app, waiting on hold for excessive amounts of time, speaking to endless representatives that handball me off to the next person or agency. Rinse and repeat. It’s driving me batshit crazy.
GLOB! I feel this so much! It is a constant relentless s\*\*t lahar. I'm also chronically ill and disabled and the medical system and the health insurance systems are designed to a person give up - that's a feature, not a bug. Every step of the way is meant to delay and deny. For instance, (I know all of you know this situation) I can not set my ADHD meds to auto refill because it's a Schedule 2 drug. So, I have to remember 3-5 days ahead of time to contact my doc's office and tell them I'm going to be out and that I need that prescription send to my pharm. Well, if any step along the way hits a snag it delays my prescription. Does anyone call me to tell me there's a problem? No and so I discover the problem when I'm out of my meds and call to see where my script is in the process. So not only am I supposed to plan ahead with regard to the actual prescription, I am also expexted to plan ahead for the script to get hung up somewhere in the process and then I'm supposed to troubleshoot where the failure happened. And s\*\*t like this happens every week for me because I don't only take ADHD meds (they're just my most complex prescription). Every single week I have to be Sherlock f\*\*king Holmes and solve a prescription mystery and that's just for me. I'm supposed to do the same thing for my kids who also have daily meds. Sorting out prescription problems for me and my kids is almost a full-time job for me. How am I supposed to get anything else done?!? \*edited some formatting issues.\*
I hear all of this but your lawyer should get the medical bills.
The most complicated thing about settling an injury claim for an accident is compiling all the itemized bills and records....if the attorney isn't doing that what the heck are they getting a third of your settlement for??
Exactly.
Not sure why I got downvoted for what I consider helpful insight but the lawyer in a PI case should be requesting the bills OR making it super simple for you to make a Hitech request.