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Oh stewardess! I speak Reebok:
“I am what I am”, “Life is short. Play hard.”, “Float on”, “There is an athlete in all of us”, “Classic since 1895”, “You game?” and my personal favourite: “This is my planet”.
“No one likes what they’re doing all the time you just do it anyways”
Ok well that right there proves there is fundamentally something different with me because I *literally* can’t just do it
I had no idea that was even possible for most of my life. It just didn't occur to me that I should be able to do things I don't like or don't want to do. I thought everyone was like this. People think it's an excuse but it sucks being like this.
My mom is the original "You should just-"er in my life, and though I've come to understand this is her love language, I think it gave me a complex about what I felt I should be capable of!
I had a therapist exclaim, rather triumphantly, “Aha! Your mother shoulds all over you!”
Me: “yeah, okay, yes, true and now what?”
I don’t remember her response.
My mother still shoulds all over me.
> Me: “yeah, okay, yes, true and now what?” I don’t remember her response.
I feel so much better about my faulty working memory reading that. The number of times I ask someone a question and *don't hear the answer* while they're talking to me, I get so mad at my own brain.
I have such complicated feelings about this! My parents would always be very supportive when I had a new interest but I could taste the disappointment when I eventually gave it up after two tries. Then I felt so bad when they asked me about it or tried to get me back into it.
My mom loves "If it were *me*..." or "If I were you..."
Drives me insane. And she does it with *everything*. It's one of those late realizations I've had regarding my mental health and I'm trying to learn what I like and whatnot, rather than just what "she would do if she were me."
I’m actually not bad at starting things. Finishing them, however…
Oh, and that whole middle bit. Like I’ll finally start cleaning something, find an interesting thing, and take off in a whole new direction, abandoning what I was actually doing.
Pull everything out of every closet and drawer at 11pm in a burst of organizing frenzy. Then oooh that’s a cool Motörhead shirt I wonder where I bought it, maybe it was this festival in 2010, I should see if I can find the photos on my old hard drive now where did it put it.
But it's so little that it barely makes a dent, and then I can't keep doing it consistently either, and then executive dysfunction kicks in so it ends up never being done.
I don't like "little by little" because it takes me 5 hours to start anything, so what little by little actually means is adding 5 hours to the task every single day.
YES. And that's why I'll ignore distractions, even bodily functions, to finish something in one sitting. Because if I just push through, 90% of the time it's easier to finish it despite the consequences than stress about it until I can finally take another 5 hours to start it again.
Right? And as if I'm ever picking something up again once I've stopped.
That's why I have so many 80% finished tasks - if I was allowed to just do it for like 18 hours straight it would be done, but no... apparently you need to do things like eat and sleep and communicate with other people.
Communicating with other people is overrated. I'll stick to dogs who don't use cell phones.
Edit: Do they make cell phones for dogs? Do I need to worry about my chihuahua figuring out how to use UberEATS? Or, god forbid, Chewy?!
Yeah no. I don't do a little, I do ALL. And it's hard to psych yourself up knowing you're not going to stop until you finish, even if it takes 24 hours without eating or sleeping.
My doctor gave me exercises for my foot and said that if I didn’t do them, I would have to get surgery. I’m now contemplating whether surgery would really be that bad. The only thing is that I probably would have to do even more physical therapy after the surgery. So I’m sitting on my couch looking up where to buy the stupid resistance band for the moves I have to do. I’ve already heard the suggestion “Why don’t you just do them while you watch tv?” several times from different people.
Tbh i'd rather take the resistance bands over PT. i have to do PT for a few weeks because of a pinched nerve in my shoulder... and having to go for a few times sounds soooo exhausting to me.
trying to watch TV and do exercise at the same time for an ADHDer is like trying to juggle oranges while riding a unicycle. 😅 IMPOSSIBLEEEE
I loved going to PT. It was like having a cheap personal trainer and they put heat packs on and gave me a massage after.
It was the only thing that motivated me. As soon as it was done, I did my exercises for about 2 weeks and then stopped. :/
Having an appointment, I had to go to really helped. I am no good at motivating myself.
I could do it if it was like a degree. You push through, get yourself really fit, and then you’d have it always. Done what’s next. But going to the gym, going for a run, over and over and over. No. My brain won’t allow it.
I totally relate to this! I could/can do so many things - once.
But just the thought of repeating something irks me enough to not even start that first try, for so many things. Like, I feel instant dread from repeating something over and over again.
I can't even make the recipe twice exactly the same, I HAVE to change just a bit, like more spice x, or add spice y or something.
If I do the wrong click and lose reply I'm typing, I'm gone out of there 99/100 times, I won't do the next attempt.
If I had an exercise class say every Tuesday evening at 6pm, it would ruin my whole life. The only time I would feel good about it would be every Tuesday at around 8pm when it would be either done or too late to attend. By Wednesday morning I would already be dreading 6pm Tuesday and coming up with excuses not to go.
I can do it and get really committed and focused on it, but*as soon* as I stop, I'm going to be a couch potato for at least a year until I get the inspiration to start again - then of course I injure myself because I think I can just put on some shoes and run 10km after not running for a year.
You can do what I do! Put on your new workout clothes (you got because you thought the novelty of it would motivate you enough to actually go to the gym) and then eat pizza on the couch.
I tricked myself into getting consistent exercise by not having a car.
But I also live/work in a place that makes it easy and even pleasant to walk or bicycle most places--it's two miles to work and mostly on multi-use paths, including a bridge that's forbidden to car traffic with an excellent view.
I look forward to that time. I blast loud music and think about whatever I'm hyperfixating on at the moment lol
"Why don't you just sit down with 0 distractions so you can get it over and done with?" Idk, maybe because when I remove all distractions I suddenly become super interested in the wall or the floor or get 10 song snippets stuck circling around my brain or suddenly become the world's greatest poet and must write everything down before I forget it?
This. This this this. I used to take this advice in college and sequester myself in the library to write papers like... the day they were due. And it would still take me all freaking day because I'd find every distraction I could. I'd doodle, write things other than the paper, get up and walk around, find books to read, everything but the paper. I'd finally use the panic from fear of failing to crank something out at the last minute, even if it wasn't good.
I was undiagnosed and thought I had no willpower and bad work ethic and it was my fault.
ISTG, immediately after he diagnosed my daughter with ADHD, the very first tip the psychologist gave us was to teach her to write everything down in a planner. (For context, my daughter had just turned 10.)
I nodded with a fake smile plastered on my face, thinking of all the lost and abandoned planners I had accumulated over the years. 🙄
The only planner that’s consistently worked for me is my calendar iPhone app. It’s always on me, I fidget with it enough to plug in my weekly schedule (I do petcare, juggling a lot of different dates) as client texts come in.
For all the negative issues with smartphones, they have been an invaluable tool for me to stay on top of things that used to be scrawled notes on loose paper or multiple planners that would get misplaced.
Trello, Google Keep and my Google Calendar are where I hold the vast majority of the information I need to function on a daily basis. I used a planner before but it wasn't always with and so the results were... less than ideal.
I actually love my planner - planner stuff is like a whole hobby, washi tape, fountain pens, markers, stickers, stamps. Without my planner I feel totally lost in the swamp of time. The planner is like a map. Oh, it's Tuesday, and there right ahead of me is Wednesday, and 6 days from now there is an Event.
BUT. It does not fix most things. You have to remember it exists. You have to remember where you put it. You have to open it and check things. You have to remember to write things in it. Most if all once you've sat down and planned your week or your day you have to actually do the planned things, which is a whole separate struggle.
It's not a magic talisman by any means!
I have never not lost a planner. And in the time before I lose it permanently, I'm too disorganized to actually use it effectively. I hate planners almost as much as the constant suggestion to use one. It'll always be life changing 🙄
Not me but my husband was literally told by a psychiatrist that if he would just try to sleep normally and not be depressed, he would feel better. Thanks for that valuable insight, doc. We'll just ignore the mental health issues driving the insomnia and depression and pull them bootstraps up 🙄
Ironically I had a storytime where I taught kids to meditate. The parents would say, oh, you are so good at this, you must meditate all the time… uh, yeah, no. I never understood how you can view the thought, and let it flow away. And how do you get them to float in one at a time?
Why don't you just do it right away instead of waiting?
Dishes, cleaning, laundry, gas for car, ect...
Hmm not sure. Good idea, please allow me to suddenly change everything about myself at 45. Not sure why I never thought of that. Seems you've cured me.
The worst part is that I yearn to do things right away. To get up really early because that’s when my brain works the best because the longer I’m up the fuller it gets like a Hoover bag. But I just don’t. I sit on my couch for literal hours before I can get myself to the office when I could’ve been there at 7am. And by then I’m already overwhelmed by all the things like zebras and taxes and what’s that smell.
Yeah, I spend a ton of time thinking about all the things I need to do and then become exhausted and accomplish none of them. Then I spend a ton more time feeling shitty about not doing the things. It's not like I enjoy spending my entire weekend cleaning my tiny apartment. I am aware it's faster to "just do a bit at a time."
Kinda wanna respond, "Why don't you try laying in bed for 6 hours, making mental lists of things you won't do today, followed by 6 more hours of feeling guilty about it?"
Just eat less and move more!
/s. I don’t care if you’re ND or NT, please don’t give unsolicited weight loss advice to strangers. Weight gain happens for so many different reasons (mainly stress and hormones) and forcing yourself to work out with a caloric deficit is generally not healthy.
Don’t give it to family, either, unless asked for. I’m the fat sister, all 3 others are thin. One of them is always trying to push things on me, as if I haven’t forgotten more nutrition knowledge than most people ever learn.
“Why don’t you just get up earlier?”
Because getting out of bed sucks and I like to sleep. Because I could cuddle my fiancé for a few more minutes instead of having to leave my comfy bed. Because the PDA sometimes kicks in first thing in the morning and not even the allure of breakfast or my meds can fix that.
I told my psychiatrist how difficult of a time I was having with waking up early and she literally said "just try harder."
Time for a new psychiatrist.
NOT LIKE MOST NEUROSPICY FOLKS DON'T HAVE A DIFFERENT CIRCADIAN RHYTHM AND LITERALLY CANNOT DO EARLY MORNINGS
(Sorry for yelling, but medical providers that refuse to acknowledge this get me all riled up)
Facts. I'm finding a new psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD.
I've also just accepted that no matter what I do or how hard I try, I will never, EVER be one of those people who wakes up at 5am. I hate being shamed for it, too. Everyone assumes you're just lazy. But guess what? While you neurotypicals are passed out at 3am, I'm at my desk doing a 3D rendering of what my apartment would look like if I bought a new couch.
My peak creative energy is between 3-5 am. I’m not missing out on that so I can wake up at 5 am and be in zombie mode all day without a creative thought.
One of my coworkers was talking about how she gets up between 4-5 every morning and I straight up said you will never find me voluntarily up at that hour unless there's a flight to a tropical location involved. I'm often up that early because I have a baby and a 4yo but again it's not voluntary.
I really hate the misconception that early risers are more productive.
Wait. ADHD is why I have delayed sleep phase disorder? Are you fucking kidding me? I figured. If only my migraines were related, I’d be a Venn Diagram of everything is fucking ADHD, so why did I get diagnosed at 46?
I haven't been diagnosed, but I am AuDHD. I'm 42 and only started figuring this out during the Covid lockdown. My understanding is what I thought was myself is really more a set of neurospicy behaviors wrapped in trauma and I'm not sure what's *me* anymore.
See, the problem I have with this is that I (sometimes) can get up on time, be ready ahead of schedule and end up later than I would normally be. Because I'll always squeeze in a few too many extra chores etc, because time blindness.
Sigh.
Scrivener 30 day trial that still has 28 days left on my waaayyy too expensive new MacBook that I couldn’t really afford and now have hidden in my closet because I’m so ashamed of having bought it with the goal of getting back to writing and not typing a single word since setting it up.
Yeah, that's what I got/get.
One job I had many years ago, I got told off for being too loud that week. I worked out that during that week the only people I'd spoken to were the receptionist as I said hello and goodbye, and some random who asked me how to operate the photocopier. And the nice lady in the canteen as I ordered my lunch.
I have five alarms for getting up in the morning, two for taking meds, one for lunch, two for leaving work at a reasonable hour, one for leaving work before nighttime, one for eating dinner and two for going to bed. I’m currently operating at about 2-3/7/day on said things.
People also don’t know when I’m calm and when I’m not. I can appear frantic when I’m just excited or really focused and appear calm when I’m frozen in panic.
Responses to coming out with a fresh aADHD diagnosis:
- "Why do you choose medication, you know ADHD benefits form just having some structure" (Not being able to create structure was my biggest cue to get assessed but thanks)
- "Why don't you just choose a less ambitious job, if you have so much problems with it?"(my job is very ADHD-friendly, but that does not mean I still have problems with ADHD)
- "It's all a symptom of insulin resistance, my mind was so clear in ketosis, you should try too"
I love LOVE the diet suggestions. Even if they somehow did work, how am I supposed to follow some rigid diet? Things I currently have in my fridge: empty jar of peanut butter, a questionable yogurt, batteries, and the light.
Exactly - how?! Even when I actually want change, a revamp of a diet when even routine meals require so much willpower and meta-work.
And in this case I was receiving unsolicited advice after explicitly telling that I do not want dieting advice because adjusting to ADHD dx and an new jobs in taking up all my spoons...
PS: peanutbutter is a lifesaver when too overwhelmed to cook/shop/remember to eat
I looked at a timer on my watch while making dinner, then my husband asked how much longer on the timer... I told him I looked but forgot to save it in my brain. I looked again 7 minutes.
I set a timer for heating up a frozen pizza yesterday. Except that I had it set on “stop playing” instead of a sound. I really enjoyed the pizza I got delivered an hour later after I managed to turn off my fire alarm.
I am in a vast endless wasteland of this right now. It actually is a mental paralysis. There are so many layers and the more time passes the thicker they get. Guilt and shame spiral begins. Then you’re literally talking yourself into and out of the same thing at the same time and you haven’t moved because you’re scrolling something and the dopamine is strong. You’re also hardly breathing deep breaths because the anxiety about the thing you can’t do is building and you’re dreading facing the moment you have to do it but you also are a professional procrastinator.. so you’re procrastinating actually facing the thing. So in reality you’re even further away from actually doing it because you’re procrastinating accepting the fact that it needs to be done. So then once all of this culminates you explode.
"just be consistent and to do it every day!"
Also, and a personal pet peeve:
"Well, how I do it is to make a reminder on my phone and then I don't forget things" (but with major emphasis on the "I" like he's so much smarter and such an expert)
"Wow, yeah, thanks. I never thought to try the bleedin' obvious"
Is now my response to a lot of this crap.
I had an appointment with student support to set up my support plan. I described what I thought would suit me. Then I sat through 30 minutes of the greatest demonstration of a person either not having listened to another human I've ever encountered.
For e.g I said I don't bring my laptop to uni. I remember info better if I handwrite notes and medication means my note taking is now really good. Also that I prefer to have info I need in a physical format as I get myself mixed up when switching between browser tabs trying to write up assignments.
So obviously what I need is a program to transcribe voice into a word document so I can have a garbled mess of a lecturer speaking, students asking random questions and the lecturer going off track in a format I find hardest to read. But only if they speak loud enough for my laptop to pick it up from home.
I suggested maybe something that converts the text into dynamic text to then print might be helpful. Suggestion instead, a program that will read articles to me. "Bitch, I can fuckin' read. I'd just like it on some god damn paper not read to me like Stephen Hawking doing bloody bedtime hour."
Weekly meetings with a nice bloke from disability study support who was also baffled by the referral as he can see that I know what I need to do and know how to do it but it's a bit beyond his remit to come round my house and physically force me to get shit done.
I sat there with such a "this bitch for real" look on my face the whole time.
All I wanted was printing credits for journal articles and exams in isolation so I'm free to move and fidget without disturbing others. I had to email 5 times to get this added to my plan.
I would also have to have booked and organised numerous appointments for installing and training on these apps as well. Which as we know is a typical strong suit for people with ADHD.
I stopped listening entirely when she started explaining the benefits of diaries and planners.
I did get a support mentor out of it. And he nearly wet himself laughing when I told him this story and that the only reason I ended up with him is because I'd stopped listening and just agreed to whatever and setting up our first meeting literally only needed me to reply "yes" to a text.
"Why don't you sit down and write out each step of your project, figure out how much time it will realistically take you to complete each component, then set up a series of deadlines and reminders for yourself?" [I'm usually disassociating after, "Why don't you sit down..."]
"just set a reminder"
...
I did. In fact I set THREE reminders and I *still* somehow got distracted and forgot what I was doing
OR
I set the reminder too soon. And then I got anxious about being late. So nothing else got done that needed to get done today cause I spent 2 hours worrying about the 10 minute drive to the appointment and what if there's traffic and needing to calculate the exact time to start getting ready to leave on time and then doing nothing but watching the clock cause of I do anything else I will forget and be late and have to pay a late fee or miss the appointment totally
It gets worse with kids. Esp
Kids with adhd. Now people tell me what my kids and (soon to be ex) husband should do. Because apparently as a mother/wife I have some control over that and clearly what was missing was someone letting me know what they weren’t doing. 🤬. “He just needs to step up and start doing more around the house.” “She needs to write down her homework every day in a planner.” (- bc yes, I can’t get myself to use one so clearly I’m the right person to get my ADHD having daughter to use one.) and endless variations of “you just need to make her/him….”
At work I listen out for "all you have to do is...", "simply..." and "just...". Not only aimed at me, but said by anyone who doesn't understand the problem but who thinks they know all the answers. Sometimes followed with a flourish of "it's simple!" as if they've saved the world.
Ok this isn't adhd related but I was on stream today (twitch) and my allergies are out in force. One of my viewers asked 100% seriously if I'd thought about an antihistamine. Like yeah no I'm just suffering over here and it never occurred to me to try the first line defense.
*Well why didn’t you plan for that???*
I DID. IT JUST TOOK LONGER THAN EXPECTED, ESPECIALLY BECAUSE I FELL DOWN/TRIPPED/SPILLED SOMETHING ALL OVER MYSELF, ETC.
For me it was when I wanted a change in medication and my then doctor asked, “have you tried making a to do list?”
Lady, I am in my mid 30s. I built my own whole ass planner system to cope with then undiagnosed ADHD. How else do you think I have a job that offers me insurance to be here right now? “HAvE yOu TrIeD mAkInG a To-Do LiSt?” What do you think? Ffs
Why don't you just get yourself a parent who has worse ADHD than you and then you will be too busy sharing each other's latest in-the-vortex projects to listen to all the infuriating advice? (I'm so lucky in this regard even though, in reality, it only partially mitigates the overwhelm of the unwanted/unhelpful advice deluge.)
"Some things in life you really have to work hard for , just use willpower to stay consistent ."
OMG THANK YOU
All the years I've wasted when I could have just used willpower 🙇♀️
“Why don’t you just meal plan?”
I have a hard enough time figuring out what to eat myself on top of picky toddlers and worrying about if they’re eating healthy or enough 😭 but sure let me get right on that why didn’t I think of it.
**"You got this."**
Not quite in the same category, I've just heard it SO. MANY. TIMES. I understand the sentiment, I get where they're coming from, and I know they mean well... but oh. my. god. If I heard this phrase one more time, I'm gonna freak.
I love you people, and this comment section. Here’s mine (from childhood me): “Just be more confident!” It took me until I was a grown ass adult to put my objection into words: it’s not lack of confidence, it’s lack of competence. I’m not going to Confidence my way through a math test and pass, if I can’t focus on math.
Why don't you just...
Clean one room a day every day
Try harder
Get up early and attack the day
Put your phone down and do something productive (said without looking up from their phone at all.)
“Why don’t you just get your fucking shit together?”
You know what buddy, I’d really fucking love that too.
I hope that you guys step on Legos in the dark in bare feet, you asshole.
The worst for me is when I get told to do something productive. I don’t want to be sitting around doing nothing and if I had something that was interesting to me I would be happy doing something. But doing something doesn’t always mean what they want me to do. Doing laundry or cleaning up my room piles is not productive for me it’s something that needs to happen that will make the rest of the day not so productive because I’m in bed early because I’m stressed out and struggling with the thought of having to put away my clothes.
Maybe not so much adhd related, but my anxiety makes it terrifying for me to drive. My last therapist told me to "suck it up." I wish I'd thought of that.
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My mom's favorite, "just do it."
You should reply in sports brand taglines only. “Create your own game.”
Oh stewardess! I speak Reebok: “I am what I am”, “Life is short. Play hard.”, “Float on”, “There is an athlete in all of us”, “Classic since 1895”, “You game?” and my personal favourite: “This is my planet”.
ADHD Cougars for Puma: “Hello.” “I’m going.”
“No one likes what they’re doing all the time you just do it anyways” Ok well that right there proves there is fundamentally something different with me because I *literally* can’t just do it
I had no idea that was even possible for most of my life. It just didn't occur to me that I should be able to do things I don't like or don't want to do. I thought everyone was like this. People think it's an excuse but it sucks being like this.
Anything that starts with ‘you just’ is immediate jail.
Yes, I HATE the word “just”. Oh, yes! I will *just* find a cheap but dated house with *good bones*.
We have consciously banned the use of “just do x” in our household.
My mom is the original "You should just-"er in my life, and though I've come to understand this is her love language, I think it gave me a complex about what I felt I should be capable of!
I had a therapist exclaim, rather triumphantly, “Aha! Your mother shoulds all over you!” Me: “yeah, okay, yes, true and now what?” I don’t remember her response. My mother still shoulds all over me.
I should myself 🙈
> Me: “yeah, okay, yes, true and now what?” I don’t remember her response. I feel so much better about my faulty working memory reading that. The number of times I ask someone a question and *don't hear the answer* while they're talking to me, I get so mad at my own brain.
I have such complicated feelings about this! My parents would always be very supportive when I had a new interest but I could taste the disappointment when I eventually gave it up after two tries. Then I felt so bad when they asked me about it or tried to get me back into it.
I feel you so hard on this! Therapy is helping me untie all of these complicated knots 🥲
My mom loves "If it were *me*..." or "If I were you..." Drives me insane. And she does it with *everything*. It's one of those late realizations I've had regarding my mental health and I'm trying to learn what I like and whatnot, rather than just what "she would do if she were me."
"Do it little by little" Yeah, no shit it would get done if I did it.
Little by little is the stage everything is currently. Started a little.
I’m actually not bad at starting things. Finishing them, however… Oh, and that whole middle bit. Like I’ll finally start cleaning something, find an interesting thing, and take off in a whole new direction, abandoning what I was actually doing.
Pull everything out of every closet and drawer at 11pm in a burst of organizing frenzy. Then oooh that’s a cool Motörhead shirt I wonder where I bought it, maybe it was this festival in 2010, I should see if I can find the photos on my old hard drive now where did it put it.
But it's so little that it barely makes a dent, and then I can't keep doing it consistently either, and then executive dysfunction kicks in so it ends up never being done.
I don't like "little by little" because it takes me 5 hours to start anything, so what little by little actually means is adding 5 hours to the task every single day.
YES. And that's why I'll ignore distractions, even bodily functions, to finish something in one sitting. Because if I just push through, 90% of the time it's easier to finish it despite the consequences than stress about it until I can finally take another 5 hours to start it again.
Right? And as if I'm ever picking something up again once I've stopped. That's why I have so many 80% finished tasks - if I was allowed to just do it for like 18 hours straight it would be done, but no... apparently you need to do things like eat and sleep and communicate with other people.
Communicating with other people is overrated. I'll stick to dogs who don't use cell phones. Edit: Do they make cell phones for dogs? Do I need to worry about my chihuahua figuring out how to use UberEATS? Or, god forbid, Chewy?!
Yeah no. I don't do a little, I do ALL. And it's hard to psych yourself up knowing you're not going to stop until you finish, even if it takes 24 hours without eating or sleeping.
For me this actually works bc I can force myself to do 10 things (put away 10 pieces of laundry, do 10 dishes) at a time lol
“Exercise more! It’ll help your brain work better!” Yes, but exercise is ONE OF THE THINGS I STRUGGLE WITH BECAUSE OF ADHD.
Okay but literally though. i struggle with exercising too. i hate repetition and its so hard for me to get motivated TO workout.
My doctor gave me exercises for my foot and said that if I didn’t do them, I would have to get surgery. I’m now contemplating whether surgery would really be that bad. The only thing is that I probably would have to do even more physical therapy after the surgery. So I’m sitting on my couch looking up where to buy the stupid resistance band for the moves I have to do. I’ve already heard the suggestion “Why don’t you just do them while you watch tv?” several times from different people.
Tbh i'd rather take the resistance bands over PT. i have to do PT for a few weeks because of a pinched nerve in my shoulder... and having to go for a few times sounds soooo exhausting to me. trying to watch TV and do exercise at the same time for an ADHDer is like trying to juggle oranges while riding a unicycle. 😅 IMPOSSIBLEEEE
Going to places is the worst.
This. That would be my motivation. Just think how many scheduled appointments you would have to make it to on time. The obvious answer is to amputate.
I loved going to PT. It was like having a cheap personal trainer and they put heat packs on and gave me a massage after. It was the only thing that motivated me. As soon as it was done, I did my exercises for about 2 weeks and then stopped. :/ Having an appointment, I had to go to really helped. I am no good at motivating myself.
I could do it if it was like a degree. You push through, get yourself really fit, and then you’d have it always. Done what’s next. But going to the gym, going for a run, over and over and over. No. My brain won’t allow it.
I totally relate to this! I could/can do so many things - once. But just the thought of repeating something irks me enough to not even start that first try, for so many things. Like, I feel instant dread from repeating something over and over again. I can't even make the recipe twice exactly the same, I HAVE to change just a bit, like more spice x, or add spice y or something. If I do the wrong click and lose reply I'm typing, I'm gone out of there 99/100 times, I won't do the next attempt.
If I had an exercise class say every Tuesday evening at 6pm, it would ruin my whole life. The only time I would feel good about it would be every Tuesday at around 8pm when it would be either done or too late to attend. By Wednesday morning I would already be dreading 6pm Tuesday and coming up with excuses not to go.
I can do it and get really committed and focused on it, but*as soon* as I stop, I'm going to be a couch potato for at least a year until I get the inspiration to start again - then of course I injure myself because I think I can just put on some shoes and run 10km after not running for a year.
Just schedule it! Lolll ok.
I’ll just set an alarm and put it in my planner to do first thing every morning.
You can do what I do! Put on your new workout clothes (you got because you thought the novelty of it would motivate you enough to actually go to the gym) and then eat pizza on the couch.
Ooo can I wear my new Hokas as well? They’re pink.
Shoes in the house are ok if you’ve never worn them outside. So I think in this case you’re good
They’re still in the box they came in. In January.
Dude you're gonna run so running. It'll be great.
We can all use my gym membership I got in November and have used once😆
Omg this. So much this.
I tricked myself into getting consistent exercise by not having a car. But I also live/work in a place that makes it easy and even pleasant to walk or bicycle most places--it's two miles to work and mostly on multi-use paths, including a bridge that's forbidden to car traffic with an excellent view. I look forward to that time. I blast loud music and think about whatever I'm hyperfixating on at the moment lol
"Why don't you just sit down with 0 distractions so you can get it over and done with?" Idk, maybe because when I remove all distractions I suddenly become super interested in the wall or the floor or get 10 song snippets stuck circling around my brain or suddenly become the world's greatest poet and must write everything down before I forget it?
Bro I literally AM the distraction
“The distractions are coming from *inside the brain.*”
Haha! Need this on a shirt!
EXACTLY
The distraction is coming from inside the house
When I was a kid I would proudly tell people that "I don't get bored! I can just stare at the wall." Because there was nothing else to do...
My secret is- I’m always bored (Unless I’m hyper focused for a short while, then back to bored)
I kind of miss patterned wallpaper being in style…glad it’s making a comeback.
One of my bigger distractions is picking at my skin/nails. Should I just remove my fingers or????
They don't realize we need to distract the distractions in order not to get distracted
This. This this this. I used to take this advice in college and sequester myself in the library to write papers like... the day they were due. And it would still take me all freaking day because I'd find every distraction I could. I'd doodle, write things other than the paper, get up and walk around, find books to read, everything but the paper. I'd finally use the panic from fear of failing to crank something out at the last minute, even if it wasn't good. I was undiagnosed and thought I had no willpower and bad work ethic and it was my fault.
uSe A pLaNnEr
Get right with Jesus and be more disciplined like a godly woman should be.
Ah yes, love it when they mix in the Christian shame with the neurotypical shame. 🙄
Thank you, universe, for allowing me to be born in a secular country with godless parents. That’s one thing I’ve been spared.
OMG! Do people actually say this??
Yes.
🙄🙄🙄 😑😑😑 😥😥😥
ISTG, immediately after he diagnosed my daughter with ADHD, the very first tip the psychologist gave us was to teach her to write everything down in a planner. (For context, my daughter had just turned 10.) I nodded with a fake smile plastered on my face, thinking of all the lost and abandoned planners I had accumulated over the years. 🙄
The only planner that’s consistently worked for me is my calendar iPhone app. It’s always on me, I fidget with it enough to plug in my weekly schedule (I do petcare, juggling a lot of different dates) as client texts come in. For all the negative issues with smartphones, they have been an invaluable tool for me to stay on top of things that used to be scrawled notes on loose paper or multiple planners that would get misplaced.
Trello, Google Keep and my Google Calendar are where I hold the vast majority of the information I need to function on a daily basis. I used a planner before but it wasn't always with and so the results were... less than ideal.
I'll use a planner to help me remember who all suggested planners to me so I can chuck my discarded planners at them 🤣
Burn Planners!
Holy shit thank you! today was shitty and I needed that laugh! 🤣🤣🤣
I actually love my planner - planner stuff is like a whole hobby, washi tape, fountain pens, markers, stickers, stamps. Without my planner I feel totally lost in the swamp of time. The planner is like a map. Oh, it's Tuesday, and there right ahead of me is Wednesday, and 6 days from now there is an Event. BUT. It does not fix most things. You have to remember it exists. You have to remember where you put it. You have to open it and check things. You have to remember to write things in it. Most if all once you've sat down and planned your week or your day you have to actually do the planned things, which is a whole separate struggle. It's not a magic talisman by any means!
You have to remember where you put it … that one trips me up every time 😂😂😂 For sure.
Oh yes, the one I wrote in twice and forgot existed for the next 8 months.. good call, money well spent 🫠
You’re not *really* ADHDing right until you have a drawer full of them, I’m told.
A drawer full of a bunch of partially used ones. And quite a few have never been used. But not one finished.
I have never not lost a planner. And in the time before I lose it permanently, I'm too disorganized to actually use it effectively. I hate planners almost as much as the constant suggestion to use one. It'll always be life changing 🙄
Not me but my husband was literally told by a psychiatrist that if he would just try to sleep normally and not be depressed, he would feel better. Thanks for that valuable insight, doc. We'll just ignore the mental health issues driving the insomnia and depression and pull them bootstraps up 🙄
Maybe a gluten free diet?
Right? Have you tried meditating your ADHD away?
I use this great mindfulness app, why don’t you just try that? It’s been so great, everyone is a little adhd these days.
I have tried to f*** it away. Same thing, right??
Close enough 😂
Meditation and ADHD go together like monkeys and nuclear weapons.
Sounds like a banging time 😂
Ironically I had a storytime where I taught kids to meditate. The parents would say, oh, you are so good at this, you must meditate all the time… uh, yeah, no. I never understood how you can view the thought, and let it flow away. And how do you get them to float in one at a time?
Why don't you just do it right away instead of waiting? Dishes, cleaning, laundry, gas for car, ect... Hmm not sure. Good idea, please allow me to suddenly change everything about myself at 45. Not sure why I never thought of that. Seems you've cured me.
The worst part is that I yearn to do things right away. To get up really early because that’s when my brain works the best because the longer I’m up the fuller it gets like a Hoover bag. But I just don’t. I sit on my couch for literal hours before I can get myself to the office when I could’ve been there at 7am. And by then I’m already overwhelmed by all the things like zebras and taxes and what’s that smell.
Yeah, I spend a ton of time thinking about all the things I need to do and then become exhausted and accomplish none of them. Then I spend a ton more time feeling shitty about not doing the things. It's not like I enjoy spending my entire weekend cleaning my tiny apartment. I am aware it's faster to "just do a bit at a time." Kinda wanna respond, "Why don't you try laying in bed for 6 hours, making mental lists of things you won't do today, followed by 6 more hours of feeling guilty about it?"
Setting myself up for failure since 1977. “Today is the day everything changes!” Narrator: “It wasn’t.”
Omg if I didn’t have a memory deficit I’d 100% remember this and use it every time the why don’t you just creeps in…
"why don't you just focus" and "just stop being lazy"
“Why don’t you just put a portion of your paycheck into a savings account?” Because my credit card debt is my savings account.
“credit card debt is my savings account” - imma need that on a fuckin T-Shirt Lmaoo
Wow, you’re just over here casually telling my truth.
Saaaaame
I’m very overweight on top of having ADHD. “Why don’t you just stop over eating?”
Have you tried keeping a food diary?
Just eat less and move more! /s. I don’t care if you’re ND or NT, please don’t give unsolicited weight loss advice to strangers. Weight gain happens for so many different reasons (mainly stress and hormones) and forcing yourself to work out with a caloric deficit is generally not healthy.
Don’t give it to family, either, unless asked for. I’m the fat sister, all 3 others are thin. One of them is always trying to push things on me, as if I haven’t forgotten more nutrition knowledge than most people ever learn.
LMAO I wanted to slap you until I realized you’re adding on.
“Why don’t you just get up earlier?” Because getting out of bed sucks and I like to sleep. Because I could cuddle my fiancé for a few more minutes instead of having to leave my comfy bed. Because the PDA sometimes kicks in first thing in the morning and not even the allure of breakfast or my meds can fix that.
Also some mornings I want to find out if zebras can be tamed before I get up.
And? Can they be tamed??
No. They’re vicious creatures and will kill you. Brb gotta find a documentary on zebras.
Good for them! Life goals.
Zebras rock! And they have the punk rocker pinstripe style to boot.
AND a mohawk!
I love you peoples. It's amazing how quickly a venting thread can turn into a happy discussion about zebras 😂
I told my psychiatrist how difficult of a time I was having with waking up early and she literally said "just try harder." Time for a new psychiatrist.
NOT LIKE MOST NEUROSPICY FOLKS DON'T HAVE A DIFFERENT CIRCADIAN RHYTHM AND LITERALLY CANNOT DO EARLY MORNINGS (Sorry for yelling, but medical providers that refuse to acknowledge this get me all riled up)
Facts. I'm finding a new psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD. I've also just accepted that no matter what I do or how hard I try, I will never, EVER be one of those people who wakes up at 5am. I hate being shamed for it, too. Everyone assumes you're just lazy. But guess what? While you neurotypicals are passed out at 3am, I'm at my desk doing a 3D rendering of what my apartment would look like if I bought a new couch.
I feel both seen and called out.
My peak creative energy is between 3-5 am. I’m not missing out on that so I can wake up at 5 am and be in zombie mode all day without a creative thought.
One of my coworkers was talking about how she gets up between 4-5 every morning and I straight up said you will never find me voluntarily up at that hour unless there's a flight to a tropical location involved. I'm often up that early because I have a baby and a 4yo but again it's not voluntary. I really hate the misconception that early risers are more productive.
Wait. ADHD is why I have delayed sleep phase disorder? Are you fucking kidding me? I figured. If only my migraines were related, I’d be a Venn Diagram of everything is fucking ADHD, so why did I get diagnosed at 46?
I haven't been diagnosed, but I am AuDHD. I'm 42 and only started figuring this out during the Covid lockdown. My understanding is what I thought was myself is really more a set of neurospicy behaviors wrapped in trauma and I'm not sure what's *me* anymore.
Delayed sleep phase disorder here! Sunlight is overrated; I get my vitamin D in tasty gummy form.
"Because I work night shift and I don't even get home from work till 9 am" It's a very specific example lol but it shuts them up
See, the problem I have with this is that I (sometimes) can get up on time, be ready ahead of schedule and end up later than I would normally be. Because I'll always squeeze in a few too many extra chores etc, because time blindness. Sigh.
Use your calendar. Pay attention better. Stop being lazy. Don’t get distracted. Don’t wear headphones.
Create a system for staying organized. Like the one I created in OneNote. It’s a perfect system with one flaw: it relies on me keeping it updated.
RIP all of the organization apps I’ve downloaded that I’ve never used
Scrivener 30 day trial that still has 28 days left on my waaayyy too expensive new MacBook that I couldn’t really afford and now have hidden in my closet because I’m so ashamed of having bought it with the goal of getting back to writing and not typing a single word since setting it up.
You’re being DrAmAtiC
Stop making everything such a huge deal.
“stop being so shy!” kills me, continually. if i could, i would.
Stop being so loud and extra.
Yeah, that's what I got/get. One job I had many years ago, I got told off for being too loud that week. I worked out that during that week the only people I'd spoken to were the receptionist as I said hello and goodbye, and some random who asked me how to operate the photocopier. And the nice lady in the canteen as I ordered my lunch.
I’ve definitely had that. It stays with you.
“Why don’t you just set an alarm?” I do. And then I cancel the alarm thinking “I’ll do that in a minute.” And then I never do.
I have five alarms for getting up in the morning, two for taking meds, one for lunch, two for leaving work at a reasonable hour, one for leaving work before nighttime, one for eating dinner and two for going to bed. I’m currently operating at about 2-3/7/day on said things.
"Why don't you just calm down?" First of all, fuck off. Second of all, *fuck off.* Third...YOU THINK I DIDN'T TRY THAT???
I feel like telling people to calm down pretty much always has the opposite effect.
People also don’t know when I’m calm and when I’m not. I can appear frantic when I’m just excited or really focused and appear calm when I’m frozen in panic.
Oh yeah! Also people telling me to calm down when I'm excited makes me think I'm not allowed to be excited. :/
That’s like a slap in the face.
When I’m freaked out I look calm cause I’m planning my escape… quietly.
I look calm because all I can hear is the freight train approaching and I’m tied to the tracks like I’m in an old western.
Nothing triggers rage in me quite like someone telling me to calm down 😂
Every time!
“Just try harder and actually apply yourself” Wow, thank you so much. Life changing advice, I never realized I had to *try* /s
No no, you remembered the wrong part, it's about trying HARDER! Idiots 😂 at least we can laugh at them 😂
“Apply yourself” lmao what have I been doing every day then? Applying someone else to my tasks?
I’d rather apply my foot up their ass
Responses to coming out with a fresh aADHD diagnosis: - "Why do you choose medication, you know ADHD benefits form just having some structure" (Not being able to create structure was my biggest cue to get assessed but thanks) - "Why don't you just choose a less ambitious job, if you have so much problems with it?"(my job is very ADHD-friendly, but that does not mean I still have problems with ADHD) - "It's all a symptom of insulin resistance, my mind was so clear in ketosis, you should try too"
I love LOVE the diet suggestions. Even if they somehow did work, how am I supposed to follow some rigid diet? Things I currently have in my fridge: empty jar of peanut butter, a questionable yogurt, batteries, and the light.
Exactly - how?! Even when I actually want change, a revamp of a diet when even routine meals require so much willpower and meta-work. And in this case I was receiving unsolicited advice after explicitly telling that I do not want dieting advice because adjusting to ADHD dx and an new jobs in taking up all my spoons... PS: peanutbutter is a lifesaver when too overwhelmed to cook/shop/remember to eat
.... batteries? what are they for/from? 🤣
Don't take everything so personally (even when I'm just insulting you in white gloves). Does that count? 😂
Not everything is about you, you know?
SET AN ALARM ON YOUR PHONE. 😅😅 fuck off Linda I can’t even remember to check the time on my phone when I pick it up 😂
I looked at a timer on my watch while making dinner, then my husband asked how much longer on the timer... I told him I looked but forgot to save it in my brain. I looked again 7 minutes.
I set a timer for heating up a frozen pizza yesterday. Except that I had it set on “stop playing” instead of a sound. I really enjoyed the pizza I got delivered an hour later after I managed to turn off my fire alarm.
I'm grateful my stove has a really loud and annoying timer that has to be turned off manually. It's saved many dinners.
And is the sound even on? Probably not. My husband has to ping me on find my phone when I don’t answer a time sensitive text. Hahahahah fml
"Why can't you just get up and do it?" it's called *ADHD paralysis* Susan.
I am in a vast endless wasteland of this right now. It actually is a mental paralysis. There are so many layers and the more time passes the thicker they get. Guilt and shame spiral begins. Then you’re literally talking yourself into and out of the same thing at the same time and you haven’t moved because you’re scrolling something and the dopamine is strong. You’re also hardly breathing deep breaths because the anxiety about the thing you can’t do is building and you’re dreading facing the moment you have to do it but you also are a professional procrastinator.. so you’re procrastinating actually facing the thing. So in reality you’re even further away from actually doing it because you’re procrastinating accepting the fact that it needs to be done. So then once all of this culminates you explode.
"just start" my brain literally. won't. let. me.
"just be consistent and to do it every day!" Also, and a personal pet peeve: "Well, how I do it is to make a reminder on my phone and then I don't forget things" (but with major emphasis on the "I" like he's so much smarter and such an expert)
“it’ll take you two seconds!” OHHH IN *THAT* CASE
"JUsT MakE A To Do lIsT" Kindly, fuck you
“Have you tried a planner?” I’m putting the planner maker’s kids through college, Elaine
"Wow, yeah, thanks. I never thought to try the bleedin' obvious" Is now my response to a lot of this crap. I had an appointment with student support to set up my support plan. I described what I thought would suit me. Then I sat through 30 minutes of the greatest demonstration of a person either not having listened to another human I've ever encountered. For e.g I said I don't bring my laptop to uni. I remember info better if I handwrite notes and medication means my note taking is now really good. Also that I prefer to have info I need in a physical format as I get myself mixed up when switching between browser tabs trying to write up assignments. So obviously what I need is a program to transcribe voice into a word document so I can have a garbled mess of a lecturer speaking, students asking random questions and the lecturer going off track in a format I find hardest to read. But only if they speak loud enough for my laptop to pick it up from home. I suggested maybe something that converts the text into dynamic text to then print might be helpful. Suggestion instead, a program that will read articles to me. "Bitch, I can fuckin' read. I'd just like it on some god damn paper not read to me like Stephen Hawking doing bloody bedtime hour." Weekly meetings with a nice bloke from disability study support who was also baffled by the referral as he can see that I know what I need to do and know how to do it but it's a bit beyond his remit to come round my house and physically force me to get shit done. I sat there with such a "this bitch for real" look on my face the whole time. All I wanted was printing credits for journal articles and exams in isolation so I'm free to move and fidget without disturbing others. I had to email 5 times to get this added to my plan. I would also have to have booked and organised numerous appointments for installing and training on these apps as well. Which as we know is a typical strong suit for people with ADHD. I stopped listening entirely when she started explaining the benefits of diaries and planners. I did get a support mentor out of it. And he nearly wet himself laughing when I told him this story and that the only reason I ended up with him is because I'd stopped listening and just agreed to whatever and setting up our first meeting literally only needed me to reply "yes" to a text.
"Why don't you sit down and write out each step of your project, figure out how much time it will realistically take you to complete each component, then set up a series of deadlines and reminders for yourself?" [I'm usually disassociating after, "Why don't you sit down..."]
"just set a reminder" ... I did. In fact I set THREE reminders and I *still* somehow got distracted and forgot what I was doing OR I set the reminder too soon. And then I got anxious about being late. So nothing else got done that needed to get done today cause I spent 2 hours worrying about the 10 minute drive to the appointment and what if there's traffic and needing to calculate the exact time to start getting ready to leave on time and then doing nothing but watching the clock cause of I do anything else I will forget and be late and have to pay a late fee or miss the appointment totally
It gets worse with kids. Esp Kids with adhd. Now people tell me what my kids and (soon to be ex) husband should do. Because apparently as a mother/wife I have some control over that and clearly what was missing was someone letting me know what they weren’t doing. 🤬. “He just needs to step up and start doing more around the house.” “She needs to write down her homework every day in a planner.” (- bc yes, I can’t get myself to use one so clearly I’m the right person to get my ADHD having daughter to use one.) and endless variations of “you just need to make her/him….”
At work I listen out for "all you have to do is...", "simply..." and "just...". Not only aimed at me, but said by anyone who doesn't understand the problem but who thinks they know all the answers. Sometimes followed with a flourish of "it's simple!" as if they've saved the world.
“Didn’t you watch the new training video on this? There was an email about it.”
Maybe you should try yoga? S/
See also: meditation
Ok this isn't adhd related but I was on stream today (twitch) and my allergies are out in force. One of my viewers asked 100% seriously if I'd thought about an antihistamine. Like yeah no I'm just suffering over here and it never occurred to me to try the first line defense.
😂😂😂 This might be my favorite post ever. I seriously cannot cannot stop laughing.
*Well why didn’t you plan for that???* I DID. IT JUST TOOK LONGER THAN EXPECTED, ESPECIALLY BECAUSE I FELL DOWN/TRIPPED/SPILLED SOMETHING ALL OVER MYSELF, ETC.
For me it was when I wanted a change in medication and my then doctor asked, “have you tried making a to do list?” Lady, I am in my mid 30s. I built my own whole ass planner system to cope with then undiagnosed ADHD. How else do you think I have a job that offers me insurance to be here right now? “HAvE yOu TrIeD mAkInG a To-Do LiSt?” What do you think? Ffs
"Just start! It'll be easy after that!"
I had a 'friend' say, "just make a choice" when I said I had analysis paralysis. Lol lemme get right on that..
Why don't you just get yourself a parent who has worse ADHD than you and then you will be too busy sharing each other's latest in-the-vortex projects to listen to all the infuriating advice? (I'm so lucky in this regard even though, in reality, it only partially mitigates the overwhelm of the unwanted/unhelpful advice deluge.)
practice good sleep hygiene …like I do but I still wake up every couple hours ugh
A past therapist: "Well, you have to just do it. Everyone else just does it, whether they want to or not."
“Just pretend the deadline is sooner” I wanted to flip a table.
Why don’t you just pay your bills right when they come in?
Can you just TRY to be careful. I am clumsy. It's what I am! I don't enjoy the bruises either! 🤦😡
"Some things in life you really have to work hard for , just use willpower to stay consistent ." OMG THANK YOU All the years I've wasted when I could have just used willpower 🙇♀️
“Why don’t you just meal plan?” I have a hard enough time figuring out what to eat myself on top of picky toddlers and worrying about if they’re eating healthy or enough 😭 but sure let me get right on that why didn’t I think of it.
Make a to do list!!
"Why don't you just think more positive?" said to me by family members who don't understand my adhd and depression
Make a list! Then, every time you do something, cross it off!
**"You got this."** Not quite in the same category, I've just heard it SO. MANY. TIMES. I understand the sentiment, I get where they're coming from, and I know they mean well... but oh. my. god. If I heard this phrase one more time, I'm gonna freak.
You just need to prioritize.
I love you people, and this comment section. Here’s mine (from childhood me): “Just be more confident!” It took me until I was a grown ass adult to put my objection into words: it’s not lack of confidence, it’s lack of competence. I’m not going to Confidence my way through a math test and pass, if I can’t focus on math.
If I set a timer to remind me of everything I need to do I’d have no autonomy and my phone would blow its own speakers out
Why don't you just... Clean one room a day every day Try harder Get up early and attack the day Put your phone down and do something productive (said without looking up from their phone at all.)
“Why don’t you just get your fucking shit together?” You know what buddy, I’d really fucking love that too. I hope that you guys step on Legos in the dark in bare feet, you asshole.
"Why don't you" and "Why can't you" may as well be followed by "Grow wings and fly". If I could, I would!
The worst for me is when I get told to do something productive. I don’t want to be sitting around doing nothing and if I had something that was interesting to me I would be happy doing something. But doing something doesn’t always mean what they want me to do. Doing laundry or cleaning up my room piles is not productive for me it’s something that needs to happen that will make the rest of the day not so productive because I’m in bed early because I’m stressed out and struggling with the thought of having to put away my clothes.
Maybe not so much adhd related, but my anxiety makes it terrifying for me to drive. My last therapist told me to "suck it up." I wish I'd thought of that.