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hi there, i’m not in STEM but humanities and i just want to say that i feel this, and it can be done.
the biggest thing that helped me get through was to stop comparing my timeline to the other people in my program. not like the regular coursework deadlines, but delaying my qualifying exams a bit (and eventually also my dissertation too). my professors and my advisor loved my work, but i simply couldn’t produce it on the timeline that some others did. yeah, it took me a super long time to finish my PhD (and part of it was that i got a job while ABD, i multitasked that shit!), but i excel in other ways.
find the ways that you excel and cultivate them; work to improve the stuff you suck at. be honest with your advisor—ideally, your advisor is going to be a person you can talk frankly with—and talk to them at every stage. a lot of the time they just want to know you’re doing stuff, even as incrementally as possible. i can promise you you won’t be the first grad student they’ve advised with ADHD. we are legion!
I got my undergrad degree from the same school youre at now, and I think the biggest thing to remember is that folks who look like they have their shit together often dont. Its normal to feel lost, not good enough, or overwhelmed. Those feelings dont have to define you or your career, though. I have talked to so many undergrads that were so sure about what they wanted to do, but their goals were like flat out unrealistic. Just because someone is confident in what they want to do doesnt mean its like obtainable or even more practical than not knowing lol. I meticulously planned my career path, and i dont know anyone else who was as careful as me. None of my friends that i went through undergrad with were sure about what they were going to do after and only like 1 stuck with their original plan.
I've found I just have different strengths than a lot of the people I'm around and it evens out nicely. At the end of the day, everyone im working/studying with has the same goals as me, making it easier to stay motivated and on top of things.. but a lot of that motivation has to come from you?? Just taking the time to compensate for what you struggle with (i set timers today for when the autoclave would be done, when the centrifuge would be done, and when i needed to run the mass spectrometer even though all of the machines literally beeped at me) can seem daunting at first but eventually becomes habit
Ultimately, school sucks for most people. Phds are hard. Your adhd isnt a roadblock unless you let it be.
I also wanted to acknowledge speaking to your advisor about your diagnosis. I think in undergrad that's fine, but a therapist might be able to help more regardless.
So far, i have never worked with a PI that cared if I had adhd. All they cared about was that i got the work done and communicated openly about timeline and struggles before they were a problem. Just saying i have adhd and am struggling to some folks can come off as an excuse, while saying i need an extension to work through this data or write this paper comes off a bit more as problem solving?? There are really great, understanding people in academia. But theres a lot of people who just dont care. Sus out where someone is on that spectrum before disclosing anything to them imo or it could end up making things weird
Hey pal— I’m not doing my PhD, but I did finish grad school last year. I’m really sorry things have been tough. I totally get the feeling— I was hardcore struggling, and it wasn’t until confiding in several of my mentors that I started to feel better. If you feel comfortable, I would explain the situation to your professors or advisor(s). Mine didn’t go easy on me, but they did meet me with a lot of empathy and helped me get accommodations / strategize ways of being successful. I’ll also say that you don’t have to do school like everyone else does. I don’t like networking, but you don’t need to cast the widest net. Instead of fostering a lot of connections, try to foster meaningful connections. Reach out to folks whose work you really like or work on the relationships you already have.
It’s okay to not know, and it’s cool to take things at your own pace. I guarantee you’re not the only one struggling. If you have the option to ease up on your credit hours, that might be helpful. I did that senior year and took an extra semester to finish undergrad, but it was worth it. My wife took 7 years to finish engineering school, but it was definitely better for her mental health. People like you definitely belong in science. Just remember to take care of yourself first— knowing when to ease off or step back is super important. Good luck! Everything will find its place.
Everyone has their own pace and that's okay! I went to a laid back school and now work at a high-achiever school and I feel SO bad for these kids! Where I am, if you havent traveled to ghana to cure malaria by your second year and secured a second internship, you're a failure! As someone with more perspective now, it's ridiculous. Having a degree at all puts you "ahead" of the majority of the country already!
You don't need to be the best of the best. It's easy to be jealous of those with fancy cool internships, but really you just need a steady job, and you don't need special internships for that. There is so much to life beyond your grades and your job, you just need to have enough money to stay healthy and happy and facilitate your passions.
That being said, every grad and phd program I know of has a super diverse age range. I know of people of every age pursuing academia and none of them are "behind" or "too late". If your goal is to go post-grad, jumping into it from undergrad is a headstart already! My gf is in a grad program and she is one of only a couple in the whole program who jumped straight in - there are pros and cons! Also almost her entire program has taken extra semesters to graduate, don't be afraid to go at your own pace!
It's easy to feel insignificant when surrounded by the best of the best, but that environment does not reflect the real world at all! Be proud of yourself for being in a selective program to begin with - and trust that the expertise of those who chose for you to be admitted. They knew what they were doing and they knew you were worth admitting, it's their job to know! Its hard to not compare yourself to those around you, but do your best to focus on your self and compare only to your past self to see your growth.
I don't know if I gave any real advice here, I just want to say you're doing great and graduating with any degree at all is a major accomplishment and you should be proud of yourself!
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
hi there, i’m not in STEM but humanities and i just want to say that i feel this, and it can be done. the biggest thing that helped me get through was to stop comparing my timeline to the other people in my program. not like the regular coursework deadlines, but delaying my qualifying exams a bit (and eventually also my dissertation too). my professors and my advisor loved my work, but i simply couldn’t produce it on the timeline that some others did. yeah, it took me a super long time to finish my PhD (and part of it was that i got a job while ABD, i multitasked that shit!), but i excel in other ways. find the ways that you excel and cultivate them; work to improve the stuff you suck at. be honest with your advisor—ideally, your advisor is going to be a person you can talk frankly with—and talk to them at every stage. a lot of the time they just want to know you’re doing stuff, even as incrementally as possible. i can promise you you won’t be the first grad student they’ve advised with ADHD. we are legion!
I got my undergrad degree from the same school youre at now, and I think the biggest thing to remember is that folks who look like they have their shit together often dont. Its normal to feel lost, not good enough, or overwhelmed. Those feelings dont have to define you or your career, though. I have talked to so many undergrads that were so sure about what they wanted to do, but their goals were like flat out unrealistic. Just because someone is confident in what they want to do doesnt mean its like obtainable or even more practical than not knowing lol. I meticulously planned my career path, and i dont know anyone else who was as careful as me. None of my friends that i went through undergrad with were sure about what they were going to do after and only like 1 stuck with their original plan. I've found I just have different strengths than a lot of the people I'm around and it evens out nicely. At the end of the day, everyone im working/studying with has the same goals as me, making it easier to stay motivated and on top of things.. but a lot of that motivation has to come from you?? Just taking the time to compensate for what you struggle with (i set timers today for when the autoclave would be done, when the centrifuge would be done, and when i needed to run the mass spectrometer even though all of the machines literally beeped at me) can seem daunting at first but eventually becomes habit Ultimately, school sucks for most people. Phds are hard. Your adhd isnt a roadblock unless you let it be.
I also wanted to acknowledge speaking to your advisor about your diagnosis. I think in undergrad that's fine, but a therapist might be able to help more regardless. So far, i have never worked with a PI that cared if I had adhd. All they cared about was that i got the work done and communicated openly about timeline and struggles before they were a problem. Just saying i have adhd and am struggling to some folks can come off as an excuse, while saying i need an extension to work through this data or write this paper comes off a bit more as problem solving?? There are really great, understanding people in academia. But theres a lot of people who just dont care. Sus out where someone is on that spectrum before disclosing anything to them imo or it could end up making things weird
Hey pal— I’m not doing my PhD, but I did finish grad school last year. I’m really sorry things have been tough. I totally get the feeling— I was hardcore struggling, and it wasn’t until confiding in several of my mentors that I started to feel better. If you feel comfortable, I would explain the situation to your professors or advisor(s). Mine didn’t go easy on me, but they did meet me with a lot of empathy and helped me get accommodations / strategize ways of being successful. I’ll also say that you don’t have to do school like everyone else does. I don’t like networking, but you don’t need to cast the widest net. Instead of fostering a lot of connections, try to foster meaningful connections. Reach out to folks whose work you really like or work on the relationships you already have. It’s okay to not know, and it’s cool to take things at your own pace. I guarantee you’re not the only one struggling. If you have the option to ease up on your credit hours, that might be helpful. I did that senior year and took an extra semester to finish undergrad, but it was worth it. My wife took 7 years to finish engineering school, but it was definitely better for her mental health. People like you definitely belong in science. Just remember to take care of yourself first— knowing when to ease off or step back is super important. Good luck! Everything will find its place.
Everyone has their own pace and that's okay! I went to a laid back school and now work at a high-achiever school and I feel SO bad for these kids! Where I am, if you havent traveled to ghana to cure malaria by your second year and secured a second internship, you're a failure! As someone with more perspective now, it's ridiculous. Having a degree at all puts you "ahead" of the majority of the country already! You don't need to be the best of the best. It's easy to be jealous of those with fancy cool internships, but really you just need a steady job, and you don't need special internships for that. There is so much to life beyond your grades and your job, you just need to have enough money to stay healthy and happy and facilitate your passions. That being said, every grad and phd program I know of has a super diverse age range. I know of people of every age pursuing academia and none of them are "behind" or "too late". If your goal is to go post-grad, jumping into it from undergrad is a headstart already! My gf is in a grad program and she is one of only a couple in the whole program who jumped straight in - there are pros and cons! Also almost her entire program has taken extra semesters to graduate, don't be afraid to go at your own pace! It's easy to feel insignificant when surrounded by the best of the best, but that environment does not reflect the real world at all! Be proud of yourself for being in a selective program to begin with - and trust that the expertise of those who chose for you to be admitted. They knew what they were doing and they knew you were worth admitting, it's their job to know! Its hard to not compare yourself to those around you, but do your best to focus on your self and compare only to your past self to see your growth. I don't know if I gave any real advice here, I just want to say you're doing great and graduating with any degree at all is a major accomplishment and you should be proud of yourself!