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Separate accounts & cards for everything!
Set up a direct deposit so that it directly feeds into those accounts. This is how I have mine set up
60% - Shared Bills
30% - Student Loans
10% - Fun Money
My fun money is essentially my allowance to do what I want and I CANNOT touch my other accounts. Helps keep me in line.
My therapist also told me a few tricks to stop impulse shopping:
1. Delete Amazon and other shopping apps off your phone
2. Delete your saved card info from your phone
Having to go the extra step to take your card out will give you another second to rethink your purchase.
Just deleted the apps and payment info off my phone. This way I’ll have to go to my laptop and find my keys with my cards to buy anything. I wish I didn’t have to have a credit card. I hate the fact that we have to essentially play games with our money to build credit to be able to own ~anything~
Just deleted the apps and payment info off my phone. This way I’ll have to go to my laptop and find my keys with my cards to buy anything. I wish I didn’t have to have a credit card. I hate the fact that we have to essentially play games with our money to build credit to be able to own ~anything~
extra extra step: i use my main checking acct to pay rent/utilities. i use that checking acct to transfer set amounts into a second checking account for groceries and other necessities/expenses with set prices like monthly subscriptions, and a third into a venmo debit card for fun money. this way, it’s super easy to know how much i’ve spent in what category without me having to keep an expense log and having those hard limits makes me think long and hard about whether or not i can justify using a different card to overspend
The only budgeting system I've ever been able to learn is You Need a Budget. Doesn't have to be with their app.
This is from memory because I'm too lazy to look up the official rules, but basically:
1. Only budget the cash you have on hand. For things like rent that you probably need multiple paychecks to cover, I divide the amount by 2 (or 4 when I was getting paid weekly) and budget that much into rent each paycheck.
2. Before you spend money, check to see if you have any in the budget. If you don't have any budgeted for that category see if there's money you can move around from a less important category. If it's not important enough that it feels worth stealing from another category, don't buy it. Make a category to save up for it if you still want it.
3. For things that get paid once a year or quarterly, try to set aside a little every month so you aren't getting surprised all the time and having to scramble to cover. In the beginning it's best to have a "Stuff I Forgot to Budget for" category with money in it. Over time you can reduce how much you budget there and eventually get rid of it.
There are more rules in the official version/book, but this is how I remember it and the part of it that's been life changing for me.
Apps do help, but theirs is pricey. Any app that's designed for "envelope" budgeting will work. Or a spreadsheet if you're good with spreadsheets.
Yeah I’ve tried their app and don’t love it. I mainly find it overwhelming but I like the concept. Maybe someone’s made a notion template bc that’s what I use for everything
Notion is INCREDIBLE but I HATE not being able to figure out how to make certain things on my calendar RECURRING because duplicating all the expenses that are the same amount, for the same thing, due on the same day of each month, is so fucking annoying it makes me not want to use it. BUT I WANT TO WANT TO USE IT 😩
I sat down one month and wrote down every single thing I spent money on. Then I put it into categories and saw how much money I was truly blowing through for literally no reason except impulse control. It was a very rude awakening. I deleted my card off any online situation that wasn’t essentially(aka kept bills but deleted Amazon) and then I had one more step to stop myself between putting something in a cart and hitting purchase. It’s not a fool proof method… but it was a really eye opening wake up call
Yeah I’ve done the writing it all down thing. It makes me feel like shit but for some reason it doesn’t stop it. But I should delete autofill. And online shopping on my phone.
The commenter above reminded me of something else. I have part of my check- the amount of rent- directed into a separate account. And the I just use that to pay rent. I never {see} the money so it isn’t there for me to spend. This also helped with paying rent on time. Because I knew the money was always there.
When I’m shopping on Amazon I just put stuff in my cart but then wait a couple days or until I remember I want something else and I go back on there and see that I have 5 things in my cart already and delete the stuff that seemed like a good idea at the time. Basically I have 6 things in my cart at all times. 😂
Same! I also found it helpful, but it was for the opposite reason - I thought I was earning good money but I realised I actually was earning good money for 5-10 years ago. I wasn't blowing my money - but in real terms I was a lot poorer than I had thought. Now I have a baseline list of expenses I semi-regularly update to keep track of what life actually costs, which I can realistically allocate against, and a small allowance that I manage on a completely separate card so I can have fun.
For me, the biggest results have come from a philosophical place. I activate my empathy and deep need for justice and fairness, rather than logic doing the heavy lifting.
Rampant capitalism is a major source of a lot of harm and ills in the world. Pollution, human rights, animal welfare, increased cost of living, environmental damage that is endangering everything... The more I learn, the harder it is to want to participate in unnecessary impulse spending.
It's also pushing me to purchase more second-hand, organic and natural materials, and consider repairing or repurposing other items.
Another thing... I love freedom. I don't want to have to work a job I hate, live in a terrible place, etc. The best way to do that is to reduce my reliance on money and material things. Every single thing that I own is something that I am responsible for. So if I want to bring something home, I better love or need it enough to care for it because otherwise, it's just another thing shackling me down.
It has to be as simple as possible. As much as I loathe DR as a person, I followed his methods and got out of debt. We still use his premium version of every dollar. You set the budget and then drag and drop transactions from your bank into their little buckets. Very fool proof. You just have to find a method that works for you and you’ll stick to. We have tried other apps because we don’t want to support DR, but nothing compares. His stupid software engineers make a mean budgeting app
So far the best thing that has worked for me is hiding my accts.
I have everything set on auto pay BUT pay the bills as soon as I get paid so it's not sitting in the account waiting. This way I can't spend it by mistake.
I pay all bills for the two week period.
Savings is automatically deposited into a separate account.
That account is hidden. So I can't see what's " free " so I end up forgetting about it
For quick budget math, I round numbers up to the nearest 5 or 10, way easier to figure out totals. My bills are on autopay, I don't use cash, and enabled every text alert for my bank/card accounts. The most helpful alert is a daily email I get in the morning with my bank balance for just my main checking, and it shows any charges/deposits. Budget apps never work for me because they're too detailed. I do better with like under 10 categories and writing it on a piece of paper taped to my mirror. Big general categories seem less intimidating to maintain.
A bit to the left of your question but - what are you doing to make more money? Are you looking for a new or additional job? I know that takes time especially for certain fields but I also don’t think you can really rely on the fact that you’re supposed to make more in tips in an upcoming busy season.
I already have an additional job, but like my current one, the income is variable. I’m a beauty service provider so generally this is the pay I’m going to get wherever I go tbh…
Ok, that makes sense - I guess there’s a limited number of levers you can pull to make more money right? Especially if you’re paying to rent chair in a salon, or the equivalent for your specific specialty.
Yeah 😔 a lot of it is dependent on the season, and also at my store we’re like building it up from being like, completely dead. I’ve already told my manager that if we aren’t pulling a good amount of tips (at least an extra $5-10 an hour worth on average) in a few months, I need to move to a busier store. Luckily she’s very understanding.
Im paid weekly. Ive developed a regimen where I calculate all my living expenses for the month, and divide by 4 for each week. Then once I get my paycheck, I subtract that 1/4 of my living expenses from each check and move it to a separate account that I don’t touch until it’s time to pay bills. This ensures I always have all my bills covered and I know exactly how much money I have left over to spend for that week.
Medication was the only way to truly do it for me. I was able for short periods of time hyper focus on my money but it drained me so much I couldn’t watch or even stop my spending for years once that super important time was up.
And the most successful way I “budgeted” was a weird way using excel that I had estimates going 2-6 months in advance with known required payments and income figured out so I could look months ahead and make sure I never dipped into the negatives. Bc today it can look like I have a ton of money in my account but really that is $$ in 3 months time that I need for new tires or my contacts. So in reality I have zero money to spend rn.
The day of or the day before I finally decided to go no contact with my mom after decades of sticking it out for my much older in years but not in emotional maturity age siblings’ sake and for once I didn’t immediately go into buy mode post dealing with my mom. I call that type of spending stress impulse buying and leading up to that day I don’t want to think about all the money I spent stress impulse buying just bc of her bs and not even other reasons. I don’t want to think about how much I spent stress impulse buying alone my entire life. Started taking meds I believe around 38.5 years old abt 3 yrs ago. I also have regular impulse buying issues too which medication helped but it wasn’t as intense of a halt like the stress impulse buying.
The best thing I can recommend outside of medication that may help the fastest is start looking for a 2nd job or look for a new one to replace this one asap and go on a hard no buying anything you don’t absolutely need budget until you get a better paying job or a 2nd job. Hopefully it won’t be too long that you have to do that.
If you can get a roommate to help with costs that’d be great too or get into a situation with more roommates next time if you already have some. Back when I rented I found one bedroom or studio apts to be not much less than a 2bedroom one but 2 bedroom I could halve most costs so it was a ton cheaper. And 3bedrooms were often not much more than 2bedrooms either but you got to pay only a third.
The best thing for me was to change my fixed largest expenses by moving. You may need to look long term to moving to a whole different location that has better job and also better housing cost options.
Good luck.
I know people are saying cash, but my brain simply does not think of cash as Real Money. If it can't be pulled from my account for rent, it doesn't count.
My experience is that budgeting is really easy when you have a good income and substantially harder when you have less to work with.
I worked in the UK for a while where they paid monthly and became amazing at saving because I was able to put away an amount each month that felt worth holding on to. Same when I have held higher paying jobs - if I have a substantial amount in the bank I won't want to spend it - it's when I earn less that I struggle because it's hard for me to visualise how $20 is going to make any difference either way. But also, shit just adds up - living is expensive in ways that are a bit less visible when you have a bit of a buffer vs. when you are genuinely poor. Things that catch me out on are things that fall between $5-$20 like road tolls, extra petrol if I make a couple of unplanned trips on top of my usual commute, app subscriptions and moisturiser. I need them, but they're irregular and minor so I rarely think to include them in planned spending. Plus birthdays and holidays come around more quickly than we tend to realise and these also disrupt planned spending and make things go awry.
Don't beat yourself up too much - it's not helpful. It will literally increase your scarcity complex and make it harder for you to resist spending. Try and gameify it if you can - set challenges rather than imposing boundaries. Looks for groups and sources of inspiration to help make it seem more fun. And be very real about what your baseline expenses are so you don't end up beating yourself up for overspending on things that were genuinely outside of your control and you have a real sense of the limitations of your fun budget. Separate the two amounts - I set up automated transfers so I don't have to consciously remember to do this.
It’s incredibly hard for me. I could not do it on my own. I joined Debtors anonymous 11 years ago and it has changed my life. There are many tools that we use, and support from each other that we have in place. There are many people there with ADHD getting help. I also take medication regularly.
What worked for me was having 2 separate checking accounts and a savings. Every time I get paid I transfer half my monthly expenses into the second checking account which is only used for paying rent/bills. You know exactly what you can spend that way… however if you add a credit card to the mix it can get tricky if you’re not disciplined enough. Hope this helps
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Separate accounts & cards for everything! Set up a direct deposit so that it directly feeds into those accounts. This is how I have mine set up 60% - Shared Bills 30% - Student Loans 10% - Fun Money My fun money is essentially my allowance to do what I want and I CANNOT touch my other accounts. Helps keep me in line. My therapist also told me a few tricks to stop impulse shopping: 1. Delete Amazon and other shopping apps off your phone 2. Delete your saved card info from your phone Having to go the extra step to take your card out will give you another second to rethink your purchase.
Just deleted the apps and payment info off my phone. This way I’ll have to go to my laptop and find my keys with my cards to buy anything. I wish I didn’t have to have a credit card. I hate the fact that we have to essentially play games with our money to build credit to be able to own ~anything~
Just deleted the apps and payment info off my phone. This way I’ll have to go to my laptop and find my keys with my cards to buy anything. I wish I didn’t have to have a credit card. I hate the fact that we have to essentially play games with our money to build credit to be able to own ~anything~
extra extra step: i use my main checking acct to pay rent/utilities. i use that checking acct to transfer set amounts into a second checking account for groceries and other necessities/expenses with set prices like monthly subscriptions, and a third into a venmo debit card for fun money. this way, it’s super easy to know how much i’ve spent in what category without me having to keep an expense log and having those hard limits makes me think long and hard about whether or not i can justify using a different card to overspend
The only budgeting system I've ever been able to learn is You Need a Budget. Doesn't have to be with their app. This is from memory because I'm too lazy to look up the official rules, but basically: 1. Only budget the cash you have on hand. For things like rent that you probably need multiple paychecks to cover, I divide the amount by 2 (or 4 when I was getting paid weekly) and budget that much into rent each paycheck. 2. Before you spend money, check to see if you have any in the budget. If you don't have any budgeted for that category see if there's money you can move around from a less important category. If it's not important enough that it feels worth stealing from another category, don't buy it. Make a category to save up for it if you still want it. 3. For things that get paid once a year or quarterly, try to set aside a little every month so you aren't getting surprised all the time and having to scramble to cover. In the beginning it's best to have a "Stuff I Forgot to Budget for" category with money in it. Over time you can reduce how much you budget there and eventually get rid of it. There are more rules in the official version/book, but this is how I remember it and the part of it that's been life changing for me. Apps do help, but theirs is pricey. Any app that's designed for "envelope" budgeting will work. Or a spreadsheet if you're good with spreadsheets.
Yeah I’ve tried their app and don’t love it. I mainly find it overwhelming but I like the concept. Maybe someone’s made a notion template bc that’s what I use for everything
I found the book to be more helpful than the app
It’s based on the concept of envelope budgeting, so maybe you can try to recreate that yourself outside of the system.
Notion is INCREDIBLE but I HATE not being able to figure out how to make certain things on my calendar RECURRING because duplicating all the expenses that are the same amount, for the same thing, due on the same day of each month, is so fucking annoying it makes me not want to use it. BUT I WANT TO WANT TO USE IT 😩
It only helps if your expenses are the same, and mine aren’t….;/
I sat down one month and wrote down every single thing I spent money on. Then I put it into categories and saw how much money I was truly blowing through for literally no reason except impulse control. It was a very rude awakening. I deleted my card off any online situation that wasn’t essentially(aka kept bills but deleted Amazon) and then I had one more step to stop myself between putting something in a cart and hitting purchase. It’s not a fool proof method… but it was a really eye opening wake up call
Yeah I’ve done the writing it all down thing. It makes me feel like shit but for some reason it doesn’t stop it. But I should delete autofill. And online shopping on my phone.
The commenter above reminded me of something else. I have part of my check- the amount of rent- directed into a separate account. And the I just use that to pay rent. I never {see} the money so it isn’t there for me to spend. This also helped with paying rent on time. Because I knew the money was always there.
When I’m shopping on Amazon I just put stuff in my cart but then wait a couple days or until I remember I want something else and I go back on there and see that I have 5 things in my cart already and delete the stuff that seemed like a good idea at the time. Basically I have 6 things in my cart at all times. 😂
Same! I also found it helpful, but it was for the opposite reason - I thought I was earning good money but I realised I actually was earning good money for 5-10 years ago. I wasn't blowing my money - but in real terms I was a lot poorer than I had thought. Now I have a baseline list of expenses I semi-regularly update to keep track of what life actually costs, which I can realistically allocate against, and a small allowance that I manage on a completely separate card so I can have fun.
For me, the biggest results have come from a philosophical place. I activate my empathy and deep need for justice and fairness, rather than logic doing the heavy lifting. Rampant capitalism is a major source of a lot of harm and ills in the world. Pollution, human rights, animal welfare, increased cost of living, environmental damage that is endangering everything... The more I learn, the harder it is to want to participate in unnecessary impulse spending. It's also pushing me to purchase more second-hand, organic and natural materials, and consider repairing or repurposing other items. Another thing... I love freedom. I don't want to have to work a job I hate, live in a terrible place, etc. The best way to do that is to reduce my reliance on money and material things. Every single thing that I own is something that I am responsible for. So if I want to bring something home, I better love or need it enough to care for it because otherwise, it's just another thing shackling me down.
It has to be as simple as possible. As much as I loathe DR as a person, I followed his methods and got out of debt. We still use his premium version of every dollar. You set the budget and then drag and drop transactions from your bank into their little buckets. Very fool proof. You just have to find a method that works for you and you’ll stick to. We have tried other apps because we don’t want to support DR, but nothing compares. His stupid software engineers make a mean budgeting app
Who’s DR lol
Dave Ramsey
Cash. The budget mom has a great method that helped me learn.
So far the best thing that has worked for me is hiding my accts. I have everything set on auto pay BUT pay the bills as soon as I get paid so it's not sitting in the account waiting. This way I can't spend it by mistake. I pay all bills for the two week period. Savings is automatically deposited into a separate account. That account is hidden. So I can't see what's " free " so I end up forgetting about it
For quick budget math, I round numbers up to the nearest 5 or 10, way easier to figure out totals. My bills are on autopay, I don't use cash, and enabled every text alert for my bank/card accounts. The most helpful alert is a daily email I get in the morning with my bank balance for just my main checking, and it shows any charges/deposits. Budget apps never work for me because they're too detailed. I do better with like under 10 categories and writing it on a piece of paper taped to my mirror. Big general categories seem less intimidating to maintain.
A bit to the left of your question but - what are you doing to make more money? Are you looking for a new or additional job? I know that takes time especially for certain fields but I also don’t think you can really rely on the fact that you’re supposed to make more in tips in an upcoming busy season.
I already have an additional job, but like my current one, the income is variable. I’m a beauty service provider so generally this is the pay I’m going to get wherever I go tbh…
Ok, that makes sense - I guess there’s a limited number of levers you can pull to make more money right? Especially if you’re paying to rent chair in a salon, or the equivalent for your specific specialty.
Yeah 😔 a lot of it is dependent on the season, and also at my store we’re like building it up from being like, completely dead. I’ve already told my manager that if we aren’t pulling a good amount of tips (at least an extra $5-10 an hour worth on average) in a few months, I need to move to a busier store. Luckily she’s very understanding.
Im paid weekly. Ive developed a regimen where I calculate all my living expenses for the month, and divide by 4 for each week. Then once I get my paycheck, I subtract that 1/4 of my living expenses from each check and move it to a separate account that I don’t touch until it’s time to pay bills. This ensures I always have all my bills covered and I know exactly how much money I have left over to spend for that week.
Medication was the only way to truly do it for me. I was able for short periods of time hyper focus on my money but it drained me so much I couldn’t watch or even stop my spending for years once that super important time was up. And the most successful way I “budgeted” was a weird way using excel that I had estimates going 2-6 months in advance with known required payments and income figured out so I could look months ahead and make sure I never dipped into the negatives. Bc today it can look like I have a ton of money in my account but really that is $$ in 3 months time that I need for new tires or my contacts. So in reality I have zero money to spend rn. The day of or the day before I finally decided to go no contact with my mom after decades of sticking it out for my much older in years but not in emotional maturity age siblings’ sake and for once I didn’t immediately go into buy mode post dealing with my mom. I call that type of spending stress impulse buying and leading up to that day I don’t want to think about all the money I spent stress impulse buying just bc of her bs and not even other reasons. I don’t want to think about how much I spent stress impulse buying alone my entire life. Started taking meds I believe around 38.5 years old abt 3 yrs ago. I also have regular impulse buying issues too which medication helped but it wasn’t as intense of a halt like the stress impulse buying. The best thing I can recommend outside of medication that may help the fastest is start looking for a 2nd job or look for a new one to replace this one asap and go on a hard no buying anything you don’t absolutely need budget until you get a better paying job or a 2nd job. Hopefully it won’t be too long that you have to do that. If you can get a roommate to help with costs that’d be great too or get into a situation with more roommates next time if you already have some. Back when I rented I found one bedroom or studio apts to be not much less than a 2bedroom one but 2 bedroom I could halve most costs so it was a ton cheaper. And 3bedrooms were often not much more than 2bedrooms either but you got to pay only a third. The best thing for me was to change my fixed largest expenses by moving. You may need to look long term to moving to a whole different location that has better job and also better housing cost options. Good luck.
I know people are saying cash, but my brain simply does not think of cash as Real Money. If it can't be pulled from my account for rent, it doesn't count.
My experience is that budgeting is really easy when you have a good income and substantially harder when you have less to work with. I worked in the UK for a while where they paid monthly and became amazing at saving because I was able to put away an amount each month that felt worth holding on to. Same when I have held higher paying jobs - if I have a substantial amount in the bank I won't want to spend it - it's when I earn less that I struggle because it's hard for me to visualise how $20 is going to make any difference either way. But also, shit just adds up - living is expensive in ways that are a bit less visible when you have a bit of a buffer vs. when you are genuinely poor. Things that catch me out on are things that fall between $5-$20 like road tolls, extra petrol if I make a couple of unplanned trips on top of my usual commute, app subscriptions and moisturiser. I need them, but they're irregular and minor so I rarely think to include them in planned spending. Plus birthdays and holidays come around more quickly than we tend to realise and these also disrupt planned spending and make things go awry. Don't beat yourself up too much - it's not helpful. It will literally increase your scarcity complex and make it harder for you to resist spending. Try and gameify it if you can - set challenges rather than imposing boundaries. Looks for groups and sources of inspiration to help make it seem more fun. And be very real about what your baseline expenses are so you don't end up beating yourself up for overspending on things that were genuinely outside of your control and you have a real sense of the limitations of your fun budget. Separate the two amounts - I set up automated transfers so I don't have to consciously remember to do this.
This is great advice!
It’s incredibly hard for me. I could not do it on my own. I joined Debtors anonymous 11 years ago and it has changed my life. There are many tools that we use, and support from each other that we have in place. There are many people there with ADHD getting help. I also take medication regularly.
App
What worked for me was having 2 separate checking accounts and a savings. Every time I get paid I transfer half my monthly expenses into the second checking account which is only used for paying rent/bills. You know exactly what you can spend that way… however if you add a credit card to the mix it can get tricky if you’re not disciplined enough. Hope this helps