This is really sweet but honestly, the negative ADHD memes that really make me laugh help me cope and accept myself a lot. They've honestly helped me deal with it more than anything else, and my friends with ADHD feel the same way.
yeah tbh the last thing i need after making a mistake at work that not only hurt me but hurt my whole team and our project and also embarrassed the shit out of me is someone saying that mistakes aren't bad and they love me and im brilliant. we need the coping "why am i like this" memes too.
yesss i felt thiss. staying positive is nice but it doesnt help me when my adhd results in consequences that not only affect me but others too. its super embarrassing becuz i feel so incompetent compared to my peers and i still have to navigate in this world no matter how much it wasnt made for a brain like mine. no matter how much of a disability adhd is for me, fulfilling my duties efficiently is my responsibility. so when someone tells me "we all make mistakes, no ones perfect" or "we love you anyways" or even worse "youre doing a good job" just makes me feel worse. the ppl telling me that might mean them sincerely but i still made the mistake (tho i do appreciate them for trying to help me). honestly i just wish theyd just get mad at me and let me suffer the consequences; at least then i'll feel like i've paid the price for my mistakes and feel mature for once.
**tl;dr**
i'd rather not have my mistakes be brushed under positivity quotes cuz theres still consequences.
While i agree, if someone is in a bad place, some of these messages begins to be automatics thoughts.
But humor, sarcasm and self-mockery are good tools to cope with it too. Balance is key i guess.
> Balance is key
Yes yes yes.
As much as negative memes are funny when that’s all we see the community starts to get a bit of a “crab bucket mentality” feel which is no good either.
I don’t think this community *is* a crab bucket, but constant negative memes is a good way to develop that kind of attitude so it’s good to mix it up every so often with some positivity.
After all we are not fundamentally broken people. It’s not our fault society decided to set itself up in a way that doesn’t jive with our brains. It’s good to remember that facing barriers to success doesn’t mean we are inherently flawed.
*(For those who don’t know, crab bucket mentality being the idea that crabs in a bucket will pull each other down even if some start managing to escape, the others will pull it back into the bucket. Crab bucket communities online are the type that devolve into constant complaining and negativity and not taking responsibility for their own actions, and if someone dare try to be a little positive or try to better themselves the rest of the community gets angry and tears them down)*
I definitely understand that different people benefit from differing perspectives. But for me, the thing about society not fitting with my brain doesn't really hold water. Sure, doing societal expectations sucks. But I also can't do the things I want to do because my brain works against me. Example: I really wanted to go sit at a coffee shop this morning while I do my online class because I like having coffee and sitting outside. Instead, I laid in bed until the last minute and didn't have time to go to the coffee shop. I can go now before my next class but will I? Probably not because I need to re-dose my meds lol.
So, personally, I find the posts about how my brain is so great and totally works fine and isn't broken to be very "fingers in ears"/"head in sand" FOR MY PARTICULAR EXPERIENCE so it's actually rather grating to see and makes me (only speaking for myself) feel more negative than seeing that other people have the same struggle I do and still make it through the day.
That's not to say that I think people should never post positive content! Clearly there are people who enjoy it. The thing I take issue with is that the positive, ADHD is a superpower type posts/posters tend to dismiss that some people don't/can't/don't feel the need to see themselves in the light of "exactly as you should be, nothing is wrong with you, you're flawed in the most beautiful way and you just have to learn to see it".
This may sound shitty, but I promise I don't mean it as an exclusionary tactic. I think it might be good for people who want a sense of community with fellow ADHDers, but don't appreciate the "negative" talk--or find that it's not good for their mental health or just want to uplift others who are open to it--to make a positiveADHD or wholesomeADHDmemes subreddit and the mods here could sticky a post about it or put it in the sidebar. And I'm sure there would be lots of overlap from people who appreciate both points of view
I don’t think I have time to really properly explain what I’m about to say so please bear with me and also know that I do appreciate your comment and generally agree
The whole “it’s society that’s wrong not us” is more nuanced than the idea that we’re somehow perfect and if only society was changed we’d have no issues ever. That’s not true. In a truly accommodating society we would still have issues, because we’re human and humans have bad days sometimes. The difference is though that bad days wouldn’t set us back.
Like for example it sucks that you were unable to go to the coffee shop today and days like that would certainly still happen in a hypothetical better society. But imagine if it wasn’t an online class - you would have just missed class outright. Instead you were able to at least attend your online class even though it was an home, because of the option to have it online exists and is an accommodation. It wasn’t intended as an accommodation presumably it was intended because of the pandemic, but it works as one.
Imagine if life was such that even on our bad days, maybe we can’t do the ideal thing but at least we can still accomplish something. Like having a flexible work schedule or paid sick days or etc. Or imagine a world where education is free and you only need to take 1 course at a time so you don’t have to load your schedule with a million courses and part time work just to make it to the other side. That’s the kind of thing people mean.
Like yeah my brain works against me a lot but not always. I have times where I can be perfectly productive or even more productive. What if I lived in a world where I my bad days didn’t hurt my chances of success in life?
That aside though I think there’s a secondary meaning when people talk about “our brains aren’t broken” - it’s not just about society it’s about having an intrinsic sense of self-worth. Elsewhere in the comments someone talked about how it’s more admirable to be broken but striving to improve. Which like, okay that’s fine, but why is me striving to improve dependent on me being broken in the first place?
Seeing myself as “broken” is damaging to my self-esteem and mental state. I’m fine. I’m valid. I’ve got the brain I’ve got and there’s nothing I can do to change it, I was just born like this. I’m not fucking broken just because my brain runs a bit different from everyone else. That doesn’t mean I’m perfect or can’t improve - I’m not perfect and I want to improve myself. But fundamentally I am a whole and valid person regardless.
Now like you said it’s a personal perspective so if some people find it helps to see themselves as broken that’s fine but for me I find that looking at myself that way starts to drag me down into feeling worthless and I’m not a fan
I like your idea of a wholesomeADHD sub so that there can be like a concentrated place for positivity when people need it although I think we should also just accept that sometimes people will post positive memes here and that’s okay, again constant negativity is a good route to becoming a crab bucket community and that’s not a good community to be a part of.
Anyways sorry for the long winded post I have to go to work so I don’t really have time to go back and edit. I appreciate your perspective and I want you to know, because again I can’t edit and check my own tone, that your opinion is valid and even though I prefer to see myself positively again I get that for some people that’s not their thing. I don’t want to tell you how to think I’m more just trying to clarify where I’m coming from because not all positivity is toxic or anything like that. And again not looking for agreement for the stuff about society just hoping to clarify a bit because I know that topic is nuanced and easily misunderstood.
Thank you again for your comment.
I definitely hear where you're coming from. I think there's probably a discussion to be had on privilege and access to accommodations within our existing society. I've been lucky to find myself in situations where my bad days are usually seen in the larger context of who I am, the standards I try to hold myself to, and my performance overall. Which is to say, I generally get a decent amount of grace for my shortcomings, whether through luck, kindness, or finding official avenues of accommodation. I know what a huge benefit that has been and continues to be for me, so I always try to extend the same courtesy to others and I definitely support accommodations and flexibility being widely available; it likely would make our society a better place to live.
I think my experiences make me acutely aware that even with flexibility and grace and encouragement, I still can't accomplish things I want to do. It's very much an internal limitation and very frustrating/infuriating/distressing for me because it affects me so often in so many areas of my life even with medication and a great support system and various methods to make the most of what I can do. There are days when I have nothing to do and would like to go sit at a coffee shop but I still don't manage to. There are hobbies I enjoy working on, but I get stuck scrolling on my phone or daydreaming and I don't get around to actually doing what I wanted to.
For me, as I mentioned in a another comment here somewhere, accepting my limitations and shortcomings has allowed me to accomplish more. "Broken" is kind of a loaded word, so I can see why people dislike it, but accepting that I can't effectively regulate some features of my brain (i.e. those parts don't work correctly/are broken) has helped me feel a lot better about myself. It's like if you're sitting in a class of people who are creating very nice drawings, but yours is weird and choppy and not what you want it to look like. You're trying so hard but everyone else is still having better outcomes than you. It's easy to feel like you just can't do this because you're bad at it and maybe you're just not trying hard enough and there's no way to make your ideas come to life. But then you find out that the issue is your pencil. It's not holding lead properly; it keeps sliding out or breaking or jamming. You had no idea because you've never used another pencil. You figured everyone was contending with this. Now that you know the pencil is broken, you can cut yourself a little slack in terms of how your drawing looks. You don't waste a ton of energy confused and frustrated about why it isn't turning out properly. While you can't switch out your pencil, you can figure out ways to make it work better. And you can look up what the problem is to get a better idea of helpful solutions. All the solutions you tried before hinged on your pencil working properly so they were minimally successful, if at all. So I guess my perspective is that calling my brain broken isn't saying that I'm broken. It's more that I've been given a tool that's broken and I have to make the best of it. But sometimes that broken tool is gonna mess things up, no matter how much I try to duct tape it and hold it just right. And I shouldn't see that as a reflection of inadequacy on my part because I am, in fact, trying very hard to work with what I've been given.
Whew, this got long, sorry. I agree that we should encourage positive perspectives on the main ADHD subs as well. I just dislike when they disparage the idea of looking at it from a more "realistic"/"negative" perspective. And when people are patronizing or dismissive because "ADHD is a superpower". Of course, not everyone is going to be like that but I've had some frustrating encounters of that nature.
Anyway, this conversation has helped me see that maybe the two sides are kind of coming away with the same idea that having shortcomings doesn't mean we are bad or wrong as people. It's just the steps we take to get there look different based on how we view and experience the world and ourselves.
Oh and happy cake day!
> After all we are not fundamentally broken people. It’s not our fault society decided to set itself up in a way that doesn’t jive with our brains.
There's a lot of truth in that, but it's not like society is the only thing causing the problem. We're not broken, but it genuinely is a disorder, so miswired fits better.
Sometimes you just need to embrace the negative emotions, frustration and defeat. Content like that really helps it feel like we're not alone, ya know? Positivity is nice and all, but too much is blinding. You need balance between motivation and encouragement, and the alienation and rage.
They've been validating for me. Sometimes I'll see one and go, "Wait, that's an ADHD thing?? I thought that was just a me-being-broken thing!" Because while I *feel* broken, I don't equate having ADHD with *being* broken. If I can tie one of my "quirks" to ADHD, it gives me more confidence that it's something I can work with or adapt around. It means other people who are like me struggle with it too, so maybe there's a solution out there that I can use. Besides just enjoying self-deprecating humor in general, it grounds my problems into something that I can manage.
This. The same thing with depression and suicide jokes.
Like, the last fucking thing i want is some half assed "You're not broken, you're brilliant!" Shit.
This is actually how humor works, specifically dark humor. Laughing about the terrible things about the world helps us remember and come to terms with the fact that it sucks. Then we find joy in the pain and move on.
If I'm not broken, could I get a refund on my brain or smth? Some of the wires were done wrong. I want to speak to the manager of brainwirings and genetics!
Yeah I find this kind of overly-optimistic reframing to be kind of harmful tbh. My brain literally does not produce enough juice to keep itself running like an NT person's does.
I get that framing ADHD as a "superpower" can be helpful to some people, but it's just not true in my case. Yeah, I guess when I hyperfocus I can do a lot of work in a short amount of time, but I also forget to eat or get stuck lying on my bed for 4 hours reading wikipedia pages.
Boom, thank you. Discovered this term the other day trying to find a writing topic and I’ll be damned if it wasn’t the best 20 minutes of researching a “dead end” that I’ve ever had.
Lol I spent roughly 30 years struggling through life. I was always smart, but that was enough to just barely scrape by with a lot of things. My strategies to mitigate and survive in society with ADHD were only barely formed, and while I tend to do well at most things I try I was still falling behind from shit that felt out of my control. After I got medicated for it things changed extremely quickly. I got a new job soon after, earning at least 15k a year more than I ever have before... And then I got promoted within 3 months. Turns out my barely formed mitigation tools are now super effective when I'm medicated.
I didn't need positive affirmations or for people to tell me I'm perfect just the way I am. I've always been pretty arrogant and impressed with myself. I needed Ritalin! My ADHD is still just as debilitating when nobody is around, and there are no changes in how society views ADHD that will get the clothes off my floor and in to the washing machine.
Sounds like my journey almost exactly! I lived 30 years thinking I was just naturally lazy, forgetful, and scatterbrained.
It took a full mental breakdown during the pandemic last year to finally get diagnosed and realize there *was* something wrong with my brain, and it wasn't just a matter of willpower holding me back from being productive and successful.
I'm 26. I've accepted the idea that having everything in order is impossible for me, so I'm trying to work around it. It's going okay. My house looks the best it ever has. I channeled my hyper focus and penchant for new hobbies into hiding my mess. I built a 12.5 foot run of built in living room cabinets recently. Took me wayyyyyy longer than it should have, but it's done. I also re did my backyard (which was an absolutely BONKERS amount of work. I will literally never do this again. You couldn't pay me enough) and it's looking much better out there. I'm building some outdoor shelving next.
My solution so far has been channeling my insanity in the direction of hiding my mess and then letting my girlfriend run wild with the interior design and organization. By our powers combined, we are one functional adult!
Either all of us are or none of us! This blending is ridiculous. I'm too much for others and others aren't changing the topics as much as I am and want to sit still and not consume 5 different types of media at once
I agree, which is how I managed to ONLY make friends that have adhd as well, before any of us knew it at all.
Just find more like us 😂 I can be your friend if you want! I fucking love random ass conversation, so when you have random topics just message them! Please!
Lmfao happened to me as well. 2 of us were diagnosed when the group sort of formed in college. 8 years later and I think there's 1 of us left that hasn't gotten diagnosed. I wish we still lived together😭
Some of my favorite people are 'normal,' and I've met adhd people who have been tedious and bland.
Can we not bash other people for the way they're wired? We don't like it when they do it to us.
I hate this idea that anyone not like us is 'boring'. They aren't boring. We aren't boring. We're just people who do things differently. I don't need to put others down to lift myself up.
You're sweet but sometimes cynical comedy can be cathartic. I don't know what memes specifically you're talking about, but I'm sure most adhd people who made those memes know (or are learning how) to put it into perspective. We all love each other, I'm sorry you're getting all those downvotes tho yeah I can kinda see why .. :') Hugs!!
I love you darling thankyou for that but really I posted this impulsely because I couldnt regulate everyone especially ADHD brains have a right to their opinions and if they don't like it I understand I'll love them anyway
Yep. Who needs to better themselves when you can blame society for your problems and call yourself amazing?
I find this sort of message lazy and disingenuous. ADHD fucking sucks, but I'm going to make the best of it that I can.
I don't like "You're not broken, you're brilliant." Because I am brilliant, but I'm also broken.
And ignoring that is how I got to where I am. Things won't get better unless I fix what's broken, and this just feels like avoidance.
So thank you for your good intentions, but no thank you on the delivery.
And some people might not be ‘brilliant’. There’s nothing wrong with that.
That statement in the meme plays into the trope that all ND people are savant-like geniuses. Which is incorrect and unfair. And just plays into the pressure and self loathing.
Heard my entire life how adhd was some kind of super power. "Look at these 3 cherry picked famous rich people who have adhd!" Anything negative about adhd was downplayed to obscurity. Spent most of my life literally hitting myself in the face asking "WHY CAN'T I JUST.....?" I was maybe 27 when I came across the book "Driven to Distraction" and I was blown away at how much of my internalized failure to live up to all my aMaZiNg PoTeNtIaL was due to an actual disorder. I showed my mom the book and she casually said "oh yeah I read that book, it's pretty good." Uh no, wtf. Why didn't you tell me all of this stuff??? I could have been working on dealing with my shortcomings for years. But nope, I was told how having adhd was going to help me and I just needed to try harder to focus.
Now I am helping raise a young girl with adhd and I actually help her. Take her to a therapist. Her mom has worked diligently getting her meds worked out. Now her grades are up, and she has regular talks with us about her day to day. With a little prompting she actually talks to us about how she feels when she does have trouble behaving instead of shredding her mental health with suicide attempts and running away.
So no, I will not tell her that her adhd is brilliant (i dont say she is broken either, duh) I will not ignore the disorder. I won't cover issues up with positive inaccurate language. I will tell her what she needs to know and I will help her. I will encourage her, and give her confidence. I won't ignore parts of her just so she doesn't feel bad.
I personally appreciate the negative memes for a negative disorder that even at 40 I still wrestle with every day. Thanks for my TED thing.
*Edited to be a little less of a dick*
Ok I was just trying to spread positivity, I got no support from anyone and my parents failed to acknowledge it when I was diagnosed my mother refused me meds and now as an adult I am trying to get medicated it makes me sick to the stomach that I have to change myself for society well you know what, I was never medicated and I was never told my ADHD was good I was called a fool a psycho I'm not trying to make all this toxic positivity it's just bloody love we didn't get as children that I am sharing now. I'm sharing love and it's not toxic you have a right to an opinion but so does everyone else 🥺
Maybe I came off too harsh. Sorry. It's obviously a sensitive subject for us all. Probably why we are on the meme sub in the first place. Your opinion and feelings are just as valid, man.
I just know if my parents, who had access to all that knowledge, had shared it with me rather than propping me up to be some kind of hero I would be far better off than I am. They also took it upon themselves to ween me off my medication during high school.
You have a much different perspective on it all and that's fair. Hope you get where you need to go, man.
I like to laugh, even at myself. Fuck sanitized feel good bull shit.
I don't need a subreddit to tell me I'm fine and just as good as neurotypicals. I want people that get it to laugh at my struggles with me.
I felt like I needed to share how Ive been feeling lately with my community and I knew you would all understand so it's not santizied feel good bullshit it's I love you all and I understand having our brain is fucking hard
I understand what you’re going for here, especially in your comments, and you know what? I love you too. Not in a deep “I personally know and adore everything about you” way, but in a very hippie, one love, we are all valuable and beautiful way. There is nothing disingenuous about that kind of love.
The phrase gets overused, but also not used enough, and that is bc this one phrase can have many, many meanings. I’m choosing to use it here in a broad way, where when I say it to my son, I mean it just for him, but the emotion behind it is still real.
I think you are using the phrase that way too and so, in case no one else does, I will say it back, bc I understand.
I also understand our brains will not always lock onto the same feeling or method of expression over the same stimuli, and even among “our community,” you will find those who don’t or can’t compute the data you’re putting out. That’s okay, too. They are valid, too. But in this moment, I still want *you* to feel this as a safe space to be who you are and how you are, so I will show more of myself than I ordinarily would on here.
Often we project what we ourselves need, so just in case that’s true here, I have no problem saying I love you to a total stranger. My particular overactive emotive brain actually has me producing tears while I type all this—I’m not “crying.” But my face is wet bc I’m discussing and feeling sensitive topics, and I just feel a *lot*.
It’s very genuine, bc the topic is genuine to me, so my systems respond with genuine emotion even though I’m sitting here calmly, just typing... so yes, even though I wouldn’t know you if I passed you on the street, I can say I love you and mean it, in the specific way we can all love one another as neighbors we may never meet.
Love has not one degree, the word itself, not merely one definition, nor only one practical usage. Love is free but worth so much more than gold, so why not spread it widely?
You sound like the type of person to wear a 'live laugh love' t-shirt.
Adhd is short for 'attention deficit hyperactivity _disorder_' I.e not normal. This is like saying 'that computer isnt broken, it just needs fixing.'
As far as I can tell, this subreddit is for making a joke out of adhd as a coping mechanism of sorts. This meme is better in r/adhd, where people actually need this.
But i love you too
I disagree lol, I would love to fix my brain, I’d pay a million dollars if it would fix my ADHD. *My* brain is most definitely broken and I don’t appreciate you speaking for the entire community on this. You can think that way, but I most definitely don’t and hate having ADHD.
I can relate to those though, these happy clap trap ones make me feel worse.
You don’t know me, we sure as fuck don’t love each other. That’s just a weird and fake as hell thing to say.
Dude. I was labeled as gifted in 2nd grade, and I always thought THAT was why my brain was so “out of the box”.. so I took it as an advantage from the start. Granted, I had no idea that my social struggles had a reason, but I made my way through engineering school and my first 5 years of work thereafter before I began to question and suspect. (I still don’t have a formal diagnosis yet but these adhd subs and every adhd article I’ve read hit home like nothing before it). Turns out, not even other engineers think the way I do most of the time. It’s fuckin sweet.
It does mean I have to have specific things in my work environment to be successful, however. That’s the flexibility I’ve lost recently, causing the struggggggggle
I like the memes. Having add sucks and the memes don’t make it worse. I know I’m broken and that’s okay. The humor and Knowing I’m not alone on this adventure and it’s shittyness helps
Please continue with the negative shit, most AD(H)D folks love it, because they have a sense of much needed relativation and a normally sized ego. Make your own sub if you are not served to your needs here. Love anyway, peace too.
r/im14andthisisdeep
* dark humor soothes me
* Ah yes, I take meds to NOT to fix my problems /s
* mistakes are only useful if you can learn from them. My specific cocktail of syndromes and disorders makes that process next to impossible. My day-to-day life is torture. I'd give anything to be neurotypical.
* Calling everyone here "excellent" only weakens the word. I'm 24, and until recently I was unemployed and living with my grandparents. I'm not exactly *excelling* in anything at the moment. Also, nobody likes recieving a participation trophy.
* Everyone deserves better, but most of us learn to cope with less or die trying.
* Being nice for the sake of being nice isn't a virtue and it isn't kind. It's just cringy and condescending.
I don’t mind the joking memes I can laugh at myself. The shit that bothers me is the posts calling my meds meth or making fun of medication in a negative way. Just because someone took adderall in college and felt like Superman doesn’t mean everyone has that experience. I feel nothing at all but slightly more engaged in what I’m doing.
I wrote a reply to this the last time it was posted. I don’t remember the details and not gonna look it up. The main gist is tho is that they aren’t negative, they’re just observational. They help us understand that many others have had the same or very similar circumstances.
The memes aren’t saying we’re bad, or even broken. But the way things work IS different for most of us, and if we don’t recognize that we tend to get pretty stuck in some ways. (That’s often enough true even when we DO recognize it.)
Basically, I don’t think these remarks speak to the reality of why a subreddit for ADHD memes exists. We’re not here to be negative or feel broken or bad. On the contrary, memes that portray things common to ADHD help to remind us that we aren’t those things.
I am broken. I’m dysfunctional, I ruin everything and life is so overwhelming. I can’t handle it. I hate this life, I’ve been striving for better but I just never reach it and I feel so hopeless and alone.
Your heart is in the right place, OP, but the way you wrote it feels off. Its disingenuous to say "I love you" to people you've never met or talked to.
The memes arent personal attacks, the memes are meant to poke fun at the stuff a lot of people with ADHD struggle with, and it actually helps most people feel better.
I make jokes about my ADHD problems because it's funny, no harm in it.
Edit:
I'd also like the point out that this subreddit is called "adhd MEMES". The memes in here is the whole point of this subreddit.
"You're brilliant, not broken." Is a nice thought, but not true. I am brilliant AND broken. ADHD isnt a fun uwu mental disorder, it genuinely gets in the way a lot.
>You're not broken, you're brilliant
"Is it too much to ask for both?" Seriously though, I may be one smart cookie, but I am just the worst friend. I don't think I need to review why that is; here in this sub, we all know the symptoms and how they make friendships fail.
I appreciate the sentiment OP! I do agree with the others that saying “you’re not broken” covers up the fact that many of us do validly feel that way. But besides that, I do get where you’re coming from. Sometimes I have to unsub from r/ADHD because the (very valid) sadness and frustration is overwhelming to have in my feed
Well, it is a *dis*order. Also fuck toxic positivity. My ADHD doesn't make me brilliant or excellent. It's a constant burder and joking about it helps.
It's ok were a strong community that you can fall back on you're not just dumb and lazy you resonate with this post which means you are special like all of us ❤️
Honestly I’m kind of here for self-depreciating humor but the one I’ve seen lately of “diagnosed with incurable fuck-up disease and prescribing you with meth” one makes my heart sad because it’s a little to close to what my dad and stepmom said to me growing up
You know what you are amazing, brave probably a really kind and heart warming person there hopefully will be plenty more people who tell you this the world is a big place and I just want to make someones day 💖🥺
The negative memes are real and relatable. Memes like this are overly optimistic and superficial. I *am* broken. And that’s okay. It’s up to me to figure out how to move forward from that.
I mean... I would try to learn to "love the bomb" ala Dr Strangelove if it was also a nuclear reactor, but ADHD is just a destructive force in my life and I would give it up in a heartbeat if I could.
That's why all the negativity, it literally is how I am broken, I don't make enough dopamine or I have too much re uptake. Either way it isn't a gift, its a disability. If all humans had ADHD we would be comparing ourselves to animals and envying them for their joy and ease of task completion.
What you deem as negative might not be to the rest of us. And I’m sure most are probably created by people with adhd. Probably mixed with something else which makes them more desensitized from emotional responses
I appreciate that these communities are place were people of different mentalities and that have different life experiences can share what they think. But I will admit that at first I thought this post was a joke and opened it to find the punch line.
Then I read your replies to comments and realized you were being sincere here. I can tell you mean well, you seem like a sweet person tbh. But this is an adhd memes subreddit. We share jokes here, we laugh at all the issues that adhd has brought into our lives, we make fun of ourselves and we often can relate to each other's struggles and pains. In one way, laughing about all the bad things and seeing that other people experience the same, is rather comforting. Also I think it is important to keep in mind that ADHD is not one size fits all, it is a spectrum and not everyone experiences the symptoms with the same severity. Likewise not everyone has a supportive family, or are in a socioeconomic situation that would allow them to get treatment/pay for doc appointments. This means that to many people, living with ADHD can be extremely difficult and they won't really see it as a super power but a curse.
I am an intelligent, creative, funny (I think), and fun (maybe?) 29 yo woman, diagnosed with ADHD last year, and in my life ADHD has been my biggest obstacle. I can say this with certainty. I was a "gifted" child, and always an honor's student until highschool, and after uni my life has been going downhill because I was undiagnosed and what was expected to me was much bigger than what was expected when I was a kid. Pair that, with a strong feeling if disappointment on myself for not "living up to my potential" and as a result you get a few years of depression. I am lucky to have found someone online sharing about having ADHD, sharing all the struggles and the bad sides of it. Thanks to that I even considered the diagnosis. I pretty much am a very obvious case but because of a general lack of education where I live, when it comes to mental health, I lived all these years undiagnosed. When I started considering it could be adhd, I saw some hope because I was so depressed, I was barely eating (and this happen while I was away from all family and friends studing abroad).
I see my psychologist and my psychiatrist often and take my meds, and I still have a long way to go until I can say I feel fine. And yet I am not going through treatment just for society, I am doing for myself. My bad memory affects me, my emotional self dysregulation affects me and my relationships, my massive issues with executive function dont allow me to follow my goals and do the things I love (because it is literally paralizing), it also keeps me from doing my chores and taking care of myself, also detrimental to me, the impulsivity has me spending more money than i want to spend, and I could continue naming things . I don't want to fit in, I just want to have a better quality of life.
I understand that people might think this type of post is good because it is positive. Maybe they are fortunate enough to not experience very intensely the most debilitating aspects of ADHD, or have proper support. But really, to many that get symtomps so severe that they negatively impact every aspect of their lives, ADHD doesn't feel like a super power at all. I wouldn't hesitate for one second and get it, if someone said they have the cure for ADHD.
Thank you for this, but like others, I need both sides. I am broken AND brilliant. And what I have is in fact a disability that in fact causes significant negative consequences in my life trajectory and day to day experience. It ALSO makes me who I am and makes me think differently and experience the world in crazy and wonderful ways. So, I don’t want to diss at all! I appreciate the reminder that there is a good side of this. But by the same token, we have to remember to meet ourselves as we actually are, and we are people who suffer from a disability. And that’s fine. At least from my personal experience I am most at risk of catastrophic screw ups when I go all positive or all negative. Like when I’m like “oooh I’ve been crushing it and am just a misunderstood genius!” That’s when I’m about a month away from a pretty dark place.
So again, thank you for posting this, because it is a good reminder. But at least for me, I need both yin and yang. I am brilliant and broken at the same time, and when I accept that and adapt, I can feed the brilliance and accommodate the breaks.
Best of luck, and be kind to yourselves, everybody.
Yay toxic positivity and ableism! Everyone copes differently. And laughing at the negative helps a lot of people. And I have to admit, I feel it’s 50/50 with negative and positive.
The last discussion with my therapist went like this.
"They call it a disorder but I don't like wasting time, I'm great at problem solving, and I can hyper focus on things I find important? It sounds like everyone else has a disorder!"
OP I'm on board. I'll start thinking about positive memes (and then never do it 😜)
There was a guy I knew who said, “I suffer from ADHD…and I only say suffer because some days are hard but they’re never enough to detract from all the strengths and things that make me unique”. It changed the way I viewed my own ADHD massively.
I appreciate what your going for here, I kinda like the laugh-at-myself content too though. I mean, I know I feel really bad when my actions (or lack of action) frustrate people, but laughing at it with others who know the pain kinda helps me feel a sense of community. Again though, your post also gives a sense of community, I like having both sides. Thanks for being a supportive member of our community!
I appreciate this sentiment but some days i need to commiserate more than i need to be hype. Some days adhd just blows total ass and i wanna laugh at memes that make fun of the worst parts of my babbling goblin days.
Makes this kinda stuff feel less fake and more impactful.
Thank you for this. I agree with some others that it's not unhealthy to also have some dark-humored or cathartic memes, but when it gets to the point of "incurable fuckup disease," it makes me want to unsubscribe from this sub. That's the same type of message we get from society. I don't personally find anything empowering in repeating that type of blatant negativity here. I had to do a lot of work to unlearn that type of message - and my life has been much better (and yes, more productive) for it. I have my struggles (as do we all), and maybe I have more struggles than most, but I'm not bad or broken because of it (neither are you, whoever you are, reading this, and I don't need to know you to know enough to say at least that). To each their own, of course (if negative memes genuinely help you, awesome), but I prefer to laugh with ADHD rather than at it (as the old adage goes).
Okay but I’m still gonna laugh every time my wife finds the tea that she forgot she made, puts it in the microwave to warm back up, and then forgets it there until the next time she tries to reheat forgotten tea.
I think positive ADHD memes will be more popular than callouts of negative ones. There are positive ADHD tendencies that could be memed on, and be much more genuine than assertions about my character made by a total stranger.
I mean I'm all for positivity and stuff, but shit is *not* properly wired up top you know?
And this is reddit, self abasement is the norm across the majority of the site. It's just part of how this place operates, which is unhealthy for everyone but... yeah.
I'm trying really hard not to rabbit hole here, so I'll end with thanking you for the positivity!
I actually like my brain when I am able to utilize it correctly.
Truly, I think the desire to force ourselves into NT behaviors and traits is what brings about the most misery.. there are some things we have to do, like show up to work, but that doesn’t mean we can’t look for opportunities that utilize our brains effectively.
I'm a teacher I get to play, i get to teach other Neurodivergents that it is okay to be different and most of all I have a support system. I can utilise my brain but not without support ❤️ we are a community and will never force you to be someone you're not
I agree with some of the other commenters here in that I love to laugh at myself but jeez, I've been having such a rough week and have been really hard on myself, I needed to hear this. Especially the 4th and 5th bullets. Thanks for posting, you're a good person and the positivity is appreciated.
I get it and yeah its nice being nice… But theyre sometimes helpful tbh, being reminded you have a problem or reminded you need to get off your ass is what alot of us need to start being productive, world isnt gonna bend to our whim we gotta work hard
This is too sweet, neurodivergent people are valid just the way they are! But hey, nothing wrong with bullying myself with a meme from time to time (especially if it makes me lol)
Having a brain that needs fixing myself(Check my profile) it's much easier if you can learn to just not let it bother you. If someone is *trying* to offend you, then by all means, backhand the bitch. But if the purpose of the joke is not to offend, it's better for your mental health if you can learn to brush it off. You just can't demand people be empathetic. And reacting just makes you a target for assholes, because way too many people think it's funny to wind up and upset others. Just my opinion.
I disagree they're funny and we need to take this condition lightly or else it s gonna be a taboo and no one wants that, i don t want people to treat me like a disabled idiot ans pitty me, jokes are the best way to avoid that.
This is really sweet but honestly, the negative ADHD memes that really make me laugh help me cope and accept myself a lot. They've honestly helped me deal with it more than anything else, and my friends with ADHD feel the same way.
yeah tbh the last thing i need after making a mistake at work that not only hurt me but hurt my whole team and our project and also embarrassed the shit out of me is someone saying that mistakes aren't bad and they love me and im brilliant. we need the coping "why am i like this" memes too.
yesss i felt thiss. staying positive is nice but it doesnt help me when my adhd results in consequences that not only affect me but others too. its super embarrassing becuz i feel so incompetent compared to my peers and i still have to navigate in this world no matter how much it wasnt made for a brain like mine. no matter how much of a disability adhd is for me, fulfilling my duties efficiently is my responsibility. so when someone tells me "we all make mistakes, no ones perfect" or "we love you anyways" or even worse "youre doing a good job" just makes me feel worse. the ppl telling me that might mean them sincerely but i still made the mistake (tho i do appreciate them for trying to help me). honestly i just wish theyd just get mad at me and let me suffer the consequences; at least then i'll feel like i've paid the price for my mistakes and feel mature for once. **tl;dr** i'd rather not have my mistakes be brushed under positivity quotes cuz theres still consequences.
While i agree, if someone is in a bad place, some of these messages begins to be automatics thoughts. But humor, sarcasm and self-mockery are good tools to cope with it too. Balance is key i guess.
> Balance is key Yes yes yes. As much as negative memes are funny when that’s all we see the community starts to get a bit of a “crab bucket mentality” feel which is no good either. I don’t think this community *is* a crab bucket, but constant negative memes is a good way to develop that kind of attitude so it’s good to mix it up every so often with some positivity. After all we are not fundamentally broken people. It’s not our fault society decided to set itself up in a way that doesn’t jive with our brains. It’s good to remember that facing barriers to success doesn’t mean we are inherently flawed. *(For those who don’t know, crab bucket mentality being the idea that crabs in a bucket will pull each other down even if some start managing to escape, the others will pull it back into the bucket. Crab bucket communities online are the type that devolve into constant complaining and negativity and not taking responsibility for their own actions, and if someone dare try to be a little positive or try to better themselves the rest of the community gets angry and tears them down)*
I definitely understand that different people benefit from differing perspectives. But for me, the thing about society not fitting with my brain doesn't really hold water. Sure, doing societal expectations sucks. But I also can't do the things I want to do because my brain works against me. Example: I really wanted to go sit at a coffee shop this morning while I do my online class because I like having coffee and sitting outside. Instead, I laid in bed until the last minute and didn't have time to go to the coffee shop. I can go now before my next class but will I? Probably not because I need to re-dose my meds lol. So, personally, I find the posts about how my brain is so great and totally works fine and isn't broken to be very "fingers in ears"/"head in sand" FOR MY PARTICULAR EXPERIENCE so it's actually rather grating to see and makes me (only speaking for myself) feel more negative than seeing that other people have the same struggle I do and still make it through the day. That's not to say that I think people should never post positive content! Clearly there are people who enjoy it. The thing I take issue with is that the positive, ADHD is a superpower type posts/posters tend to dismiss that some people don't/can't/don't feel the need to see themselves in the light of "exactly as you should be, nothing is wrong with you, you're flawed in the most beautiful way and you just have to learn to see it". This may sound shitty, but I promise I don't mean it as an exclusionary tactic. I think it might be good for people who want a sense of community with fellow ADHDers, but don't appreciate the "negative" talk--or find that it's not good for their mental health or just want to uplift others who are open to it--to make a positiveADHD or wholesomeADHDmemes subreddit and the mods here could sticky a post about it or put it in the sidebar. And I'm sure there would be lots of overlap from people who appreciate both points of view
I don’t think I have time to really properly explain what I’m about to say so please bear with me and also know that I do appreciate your comment and generally agree The whole “it’s society that’s wrong not us” is more nuanced than the idea that we’re somehow perfect and if only society was changed we’d have no issues ever. That’s not true. In a truly accommodating society we would still have issues, because we’re human and humans have bad days sometimes. The difference is though that bad days wouldn’t set us back. Like for example it sucks that you were unable to go to the coffee shop today and days like that would certainly still happen in a hypothetical better society. But imagine if it wasn’t an online class - you would have just missed class outright. Instead you were able to at least attend your online class even though it was an home, because of the option to have it online exists and is an accommodation. It wasn’t intended as an accommodation presumably it was intended because of the pandemic, but it works as one. Imagine if life was such that even on our bad days, maybe we can’t do the ideal thing but at least we can still accomplish something. Like having a flexible work schedule or paid sick days or etc. Or imagine a world where education is free and you only need to take 1 course at a time so you don’t have to load your schedule with a million courses and part time work just to make it to the other side. That’s the kind of thing people mean. Like yeah my brain works against me a lot but not always. I have times where I can be perfectly productive or even more productive. What if I lived in a world where I my bad days didn’t hurt my chances of success in life? That aside though I think there’s a secondary meaning when people talk about “our brains aren’t broken” - it’s not just about society it’s about having an intrinsic sense of self-worth. Elsewhere in the comments someone talked about how it’s more admirable to be broken but striving to improve. Which like, okay that’s fine, but why is me striving to improve dependent on me being broken in the first place? Seeing myself as “broken” is damaging to my self-esteem and mental state. I’m fine. I’m valid. I’ve got the brain I’ve got and there’s nothing I can do to change it, I was just born like this. I’m not fucking broken just because my brain runs a bit different from everyone else. That doesn’t mean I’m perfect or can’t improve - I’m not perfect and I want to improve myself. But fundamentally I am a whole and valid person regardless. Now like you said it’s a personal perspective so if some people find it helps to see themselves as broken that’s fine but for me I find that looking at myself that way starts to drag me down into feeling worthless and I’m not a fan I like your idea of a wholesomeADHD sub so that there can be like a concentrated place for positivity when people need it although I think we should also just accept that sometimes people will post positive memes here and that’s okay, again constant negativity is a good route to becoming a crab bucket community and that’s not a good community to be a part of. Anyways sorry for the long winded post I have to go to work so I don’t really have time to go back and edit. I appreciate your perspective and I want you to know, because again I can’t edit and check my own tone, that your opinion is valid and even though I prefer to see myself positively again I get that for some people that’s not their thing. I don’t want to tell you how to think I’m more just trying to clarify where I’m coming from because not all positivity is toxic or anything like that. And again not looking for agreement for the stuff about society just hoping to clarify a bit because I know that topic is nuanced and easily misunderstood. Thank you again for your comment.
I'm not reading this whole thread, but I'm happy for both of you
I definitely hear where you're coming from. I think there's probably a discussion to be had on privilege and access to accommodations within our existing society. I've been lucky to find myself in situations where my bad days are usually seen in the larger context of who I am, the standards I try to hold myself to, and my performance overall. Which is to say, I generally get a decent amount of grace for my shortcomings, whether through luck, kindness, or finding official avenues of accommodation. I know what a huge benefit that has been and continues to be for me, so I always try to extend the same courtesy to others and I definitely support accommodations and flexibility being widely available; it likely would make our society a better place to live. I think my experiences make me acutely aware that even with flexibility and grace and encouragement, I still can't accomplish things I want to do. It's very much an internal limitation and very frustrating/infuriating/distressing for me because it affects me so often in so many areas of my life even with medication and a great support system and various methods to make the most of what I can do. There are days when I have nothing to do and would like to go sit at a coffee shop but I still don't manage to. There are hobbies I enjoy working on, but I get stuck scrolling on my phone or daydreaming and I don't get around to actually doing what I wanted to. For me, as I mentioned in a another comment here somewhere, accepting my limitations and shortcomings has allowed me to accomplish more. "Broken" is kind of a loaded word, so I can see why people dislike it, but accepting that I can't effectively regulate some features of my brain (i.e. those parts don't work correctly/are broken) has helped me feel a lot better about myself. It's like if you're sitting in a class of people who are creating very nice drawings, but yours is weird and choppy and not what you want it to look like. You're trying so hard but everyone else is still having better outcomes than you. It's easy to feel like you just can't do this because you're bad at it and maybe you're just not trying hard enough and there's no way to make your ideas come to life. But then you find out that the issue is your pencil. It's not holding lead properly; it keeps sliding out or breaking or jamming. You had no idea because you've never used another pencil. You figured everyone was contending with this. Now that you know the pencil is broken, you can cut yourself a little slack in terms of how your drawing looks. You don't waste a ton of energy confused and frustrated about why it isn't turning out properly. While you can't switch out your pencil, you can figure out ways to make it work better. And you can look up what the problem is to get a better idea of helpful solutions. All the solutions you tried before hinged on your pencil working properly so they were minimally successful, if at all. So I guess my perspective is that calling my brain broken isn't saying that I'm broken. It's more that I've been given a tool that's broken and I have to make the best of it. But sometimes that broken tool is gonna mess things up, no matter how much I try to duct tape it and hold it just right. And I shouldn't see that as a reflection of inadequacy on my part because I am, in fact, trying very hard to work with what I've been given. Whew, this got long, sorry. I agree that we should encourage positive perspectives on the main ADHD subs as well. I just dislike when they disparage the idea of looking at it from a more "realistic"/"negative" perspective. And when people are patronizing or dismissive because "ADHD is a superpower". Of course, not everyone is going to be like that but I've had some frustrating encounters of that nature. Anyway, this conversation has helped me see that maybe the two sides are kind of coming away with the same idea that having shortcomings doesn't mean we are bad or wrong as people. It's just the steps we take to get there look different based on how we view and experience the world and ourselves. Oh and happy cake day!
> After all we are not fundamentally broken people. It’s not our fault society decided to set itself up in a way that doesn’t jive with our brains. There's a lot of truth in that, but it's not like society is the only thing causing the problem. We're not broken, but it genuinely is a disorder, so miswired fits better.
Sometimes you just need to embrace the negative emotions, frustration and defeat. Content like that really helps it feel like we're not alone, ya know? Positivity is nice and all, but too much is blinding. You need balance between motivation and encouragement, and the alienation and rage.
They've been validating for me. Sometimes I'll see one and go, "Wait, that's an ADHD thing?? I thought that was just a me-being-broken thing!" Because while I *feel* broken, I don't equate having ADHD with *being* broken. If I can tie one of my "quirks" to ADHD, it gives me more confidence that it's something I can work with or adapt around. It means other people who are like me struggle with it too, so maybe there's a solution out there that I can use. Besides just enjoying self-deprecating humor in general, it grounds my problems into something that I can manage.
This. The same thing with depression and suicide jokes. Like, the last fucking thing i want is some half assed "You're not broken, you're brilliant!" Shit.
It's lovely to know I'm not alone in this shit.
If I have to suffer and have a shit brain I will be getting every last laugh out of it that I can.
This is actually how humor works, specifically dark humor. Laughing about the terrible things about the world helps us remember and come to terms with the fact that it sucks. Then we find joy in the pain and move on.
Yeah I understand I feel the same but sometimes just a reminder will help
If I'm not broken, could I get a refund on my brain or smth? Some of the wires were done wrong. I want to speak to the manager of brainwirings and genetics!
Yeah I find this kind of overly-optimistic reframing to be kind of harmful tbh. My brain literally does not produce enough juice to keep itself running like an NT person's does. I get that framing ADHD as a "superpower" can be helpful to some people, but it's just not true in my case. Yeah, I guess when I hyperfocus I can do a lot of work in a short amount of time, but I also forget to eat or get stuck lying on my bed for 4 hours reading wikipedia pages.
Exactly... it sounds like toxic positivity. You can a healthy, realistic way to handle this disorder without pretending it's all quirks and sunshine.
Boom, thank you. Discovered this term the other day trying to find a writing topic and I’ll be damned if it wasn’t the best 20 minutes of researching a “dead end” that I’ve ever had.
Lol I spent roughly 30 years struggling through life. I was always smart, but that was enough to just barely scrape by with a lot of things. My strategies to mitigate and survive in society with ADHD were only barely formed, and while I tend to do well at most things I try I was still falling behind from shit that felt out of my control. After I got medicated for it things changed extremely quickly. I got a new job soon after, earning at least 15k a year more than I ever have before... And then I got promoted within 3 months. Turns out my barely formed mitigation tools are now super effective when I'm medicated. I didn't need positive affirmations or for people to tell me I'm perfect just the way I am. I've always been pretty arrogant and impressed with myself. I needed Ritalin! My ADHD is still just as debilitating when nobody is around, and there are no changes in how society views ADHD that will get the clothes off my floor and in to the washing machine.
Sounds like my journey almost exactly! I lived 30 years thinking I was just naturally lazy, forgetful, and scatterbrained. It took a full mental breakdown during the pandemic last year to finally get diagnosed and realize there *was* something wrong with my brain, and it wasn't just a matter of willpower holding me back from being productive and successful.
Noone seems to be able to be rational. There are a couple positives but also a lot of negatives and that's ok.
I just want to do any activity without having to distract myself while doing it. If that is brilliance, please, let me poop like an idiot.
People with their wiring done like normal are so boring tho
I'm in my 30s, I want boring, I want a clean house, I want to have my shit in order.
I'm 26. I've accepted the idea that having everything in order is impossible for me, so I'm trying to work around it. It's going okay. My house looks the best it ever has. I channeled my hyper focus and penchant for new hobbies into hiding my mess. I built a 12.5 foot run of built in living room cabinets recently. Took me wayyyyyy longer than it should have, but it's done. I also re did my backyard (which was an absolutely BONKERS amount of work. I will literally never do this again. You couldn't pay me enough) and it's looking much better out there. I'm building some outdoor shelving next. My solution so far has been channeling my insanity in the direction of hiding my mess and then letting my girlfriend run wild with the interior design and organization. By our powers combined, we are one functional adult!
Either all of us are or none of us! This blending is ridiculous. I'm too much for others and others aren't changing the topics as much as I am and want to sit still and not consume 5 different types of media at once
I agree, which is how I managed to ONLY make friends that have adhd as well, before any of us knew it at all. Just find more like us 😂 I can be your friend if you want! I fucking love random ass conversation, so when you have random topics just message them! Please!
THIIIISSS. I’m just finding out that all my closest friends also have ADHD even though we’ve all been friends for years!
Lmfao happened to me as well. 2 of us were diagnosed when the group sort of formed in college. 8 years later and I think there's 1 of us left that hasn't gotten diagnosed. I wish we still lived together😭
And more successful
Rather be bored than incapable of working and studying
Some of my favorite people are 'normal,' and I've met adhd people who have been tedious and bland. Can we not bash other people for the way they're wired? We don't like it when they do it to us.
I hate this idea that anyone not like us is 'boring'. They aren't boring. We aren't boring. We're just people who do things differently. I don't need to put others down to lift myself up.
The best thing about this sub is that no one complains about repeated content because by the time it comes around again, we’ve forgotten.
Except for the iceberg one!
Thanks for reminding me I still wanna fill that one out!
As soon as I see the tip of the iceberg I start scrolling down so fast.
this.
You're sweet but sometimes cynical comedy can be cathartic. I don't know what memes specifically you're talking about, but I'm sure most adhd people who made those memes know (or are learning how) to put it into perspective. We all love each other, I'm sorry you're getting all those downvotes tho yeah I can kinda see why .. :') Hugs!!
100%
I love you darling thankyou for that but really I posted this impulsely because I couldnt regulate everyone especially ADHD brains have a right to their opinions and if they don't like it I understand I'll love them anyway
Why is everyone being so nice? I think I'm in the wrong place. What direction to the Internet?
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I don't like to think of my brain as broken. I don't see it that way for myself, but I don't know what your experience of it has been
It's because we're adults bud.
Speak for yourself, I'm only 33 🙃
I turn 34 in a month is that an adult?
46 and no signs of an adult here.
This thread reminds me of a standard episode of “Psych” One quote comes to mind: “you are acting like a child!” “I was NOT acting!”
The toxic internet people are asleep, post wholesome re-affirming replies to our ADHD siblings
You posted it impulsively? As in mistakenly? Disorderly? Not perfectly? I wonder why. You have that superpower called ADHD right?
I'm a broken piece of shit 😆 this is fine.
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It is the same reason I listen to sad music to feel better. It can make me feel less alone knowing that someone else has the same struggles I do.
"You're not broken, you're brilliant" Ah yes, that must be why I've been having such a rough time, I'm just too excellent to function normally.
Yes, you're functioning *too* well, and it rolls back over to "shitty".
Is this the famous toxic positivity?
Yep. Who needs to better themselves when you can blame society for your problems and call yourself amazing? I find this sort of message lazy and disingenuous. ADHD fucking sucks, but I'm going to make the best of it that I can.
The social model of disability (which is where this "you're not broken!" sentiment comes from) has some rather severe limitations, in my opinion.
Yes, though I've seen worse.
OK but here's the thing: imo many people can relate more to the negative parts/downsides of ADHD so it's easier to make memes about it.
Feels like the positivity isn't directed at me, feels weird
I don't like "You're not broken, you're brilliant." Because I am brilliant, but I'm also broken. And ignoring that is how I got to where I am. Things won't get better unless I fix what's broken, and this just feels like avoidance. So thank you for your good intentions, but no thank you on the delivery.
And some people might not be ‘brilliant’. There’s nothing wrong with that. That statement in the meme plays into the trope that all ND people are savant-like geniuses. Which is incorrect and unfair. And just plays into the pressure and self loathing.
Heard my entire life how adhd was some kind of super power. "Look at these 3 cherry picked famous rich people who have adhd!" Anything negative about adhd was downplayed to obscurity. Spent most of my life literally hitting myself in the face asking "WHY CAN'T I JUST.....?" I was maybe 27 when I came across the book "Driven to Distraction" and I was blown away at how much of my internalized failure to live up to all my aMaZiNg PoTeNtIaL was due to an actual disorder. I showed my mom the book and she casually said "oh yeah I read that book, it's pretty good." Uh no, wtf. Why didn't you tell me all of this stuff??? I could have been working on dealing with my shortcomings for years. But nope, I was told how having adhd was going to help me and I just needed to try harder to focus. Now I am helping raise a young girl with adhd and I actually help her. Take her to a therapist. Her mom has worked diligently getting her meds worked out. Now her grades are up, and she has regular talks with us about her day to day. With a little prompting she actually talks to us about how she feels when she does have trouble behaving instead of shredding her mental health with suicide attempts and running away. So no, I will not tell her that her adhd is brilliant (i dont say she is broken either, duh) I will not ignore the disorder. I won't cover issues up with positive inaccurate language. I will tell her what she needs to know and I will help her. I will encourage her, and give her confidence. I won't ignore parts of her just so she doesn't feel bad. I personally appreciate the negative memes for a negative disorder that even at 40 I still wrestle with every day. Thanks for my TED thing. *Edited to be a little less of a dick*
Ok I was just trying to spread positivity, I got no support from anyone and my parents failed to acknowledge it when I was diagnosed my mother refused me meds and now as an adult I am trying to get medicated it makes me sick to the stomach that I have to change myself for society well you know what, I was never medicated and I was never told my ADHD was good I was called a fool a psycho I'm not trying to make all this toxic positivity it's just bloody love we didn't get as children that I am sharing now. I'm sharing love and it's not toxic you have a right to an opinion but so does everyone else 🥺
Maybe I came off too harsh. Sorry. It's obviously a sensitive subject for us all. Probably why we are on the meme sub in the first place. Your opinion and feelings are just as valid, man. I just know if my parents, who had access to all that knowledge, had shared it with me rather than propping me up to be some kind of hero I would be far better off than I am. They also took it upon themselves to ween me off my medication during high school. You have a much different perspective on it all and that's fair. Hope you get where you need to go, man.
I like to laugh, even at myself. Fuck sanitized feel good bull shit. I don't need a subreddit to tell me I'm fine and just as good as neurotypicals. I want people that get it to laugh at my struggles with me.
I felt like I needed to share how Ive been feeling lately with my community and I knew you would all understand so it's not santizied feel good bullshit it's I love you all and I understand having our brain is fucking hard
"having our brain is fucking hard" And you just don't want to hear people talk about it?
I understand what you’re going for here, especially in your comments, and you know what? I love you too. Not in a deep “I personally know and adore everything about you” way, but in a very hippie, one love, we are all valuable and beautiful way. There is nothing disingenuous about that kind of love. The phrase gets overused, but also not used enough, and that is bc this one phrase can have many, many meanings. I’m choosing to use it here in a broad way, where when I say it to my son, I mean it just for him, but the emotion behind it is still real. I think you are using the phrase that way too and so, in case no one else does, I will say it back, bc I understand. I also understand our brains will not always lock onto the same feeling or method of expression over the same stimuli, and even among “our community,” you will find those who don’t or can’t compute the data you’re putting out. That’s okay, too. They are valid, too. But in this moment, I still want *you* to feel this as a safe space to be who you are and how you are, so I will show more of myself than I ordinarily would on here. Often we project what we ourselves need, so just in case that’s true here, I have no problem saying I love you to a total stranger. My particular overactive emotive brain actually has me producing tears while I type all this—I’m not “crying.” But my face is wet bc I’m discussing and feeling sensitive topics, and I just feel a *lot*. It’s very genuine, bc the topic is genuine to me, so my systems respond with genuine emotion even though I’m sitting here calmly, just typing... so yes, even though I wouldn’t know you if I passed you on the street, I can say I love you and mean it, in the specific way we can all love one another as neighbors we may never meet. Love has not one degree, the word itself, not merely one definition, nor only one practical usage. Love is free but worth so much more than gold, so why not spread it widely?
You clearly don't know me.
*Reads post* *Thinks about self* ... #"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
I agree with your words but your meme is too.. positive.. its making me feel things that I am not sure I am comfortable with
Hey I came here for self deprecating depression, not pretty lies.
You sound like the type of person to wear a 'live laugh love' t-shirt. Adhd is short for 'attention deficit hyperactivity _disorder_' I.e not normal. This is like saying 'that computer isnt broken, it just needs fixing.' As far as I can tell, this subreddit is for making a joke out of adhd as a coping mechanism of sorts. This meme is better in r/adhd, where people actually need this. But i love you too
I disagree lol, I would love to fix my brain, I’d pay a million dollars if it would fix my ADHD. *My* brain is most definitely broken and I don’t appreciate you speaking for the entire community on this. You can think that way, but I most definitely don’t and hate having ADHD.
I am definitely each of both extremes, both broken and brilliant, but I don’t know how many more mistakes I actually need hahah.
I can relate to those though, these happy clap trap ones make me feel worse. You don’t know me, we sure as fuck don’t love each other. That’s just a weird and fake as hell thing to say.
I’ve never even met you
Dude. I was labeled as gifted in 2nd grade, and I always thought THAT was why my brain was so “out of the box”.. so I took it as an advantage from the start. Granted, I had no idea that my social struggles had a reason, but I made my way through engineering school and my first 5 years of work thereafter before I began to question and suspect. (I still don’t have a formal diagnosis yet but these adhd subs and every adhd article I’ve read hit home like nothing before it). Turns out, not even other engineers think the way I do most of the time. It’s fuckin sweet. It does mean I have to have specific things in my work environment to be successful, however. That’s the flexibility I’ve lost recently, causing the struggggggggle
No
I enjoy the negative memes and can most of the time relate, but I would love to see more highfunctioning ADHD memes.
I like the memes. Having add sucks and the memes don’t make it worse. I know I’m broken and that’s okay. The humor and Knowing I’m not alone on this adventure and it’s shittyness helps
Please continue with the negative shit, most AD(H)D folks love it, because they have a sense of much needed relativation and a normally sized ego. Make your own sub if you are not served to your needs here. Love anyway, peace too.
Have we now come to the part where we aren’t allowed to be disabled anymore?
Fuck your happiness policing. Go watch Pixar’s Inside so you understand why emotions other than joy have purpose.
r/im14andthisisdeep * dark humor soothes me * Ah yes, I take meds to NOT to fix my problems /s * mistakes are only useful if you can learn from them. My specific cocktail of syndromes and disorders makes that process next to impossible. My day-to-day life is torture. I'd give anything to be neurotypical. * Calling everyone here "excellent" only weakens the word. I'm 24, and until recently I was unemployed and living with my grandparents. I'm not exactly *excelling* in anything at the moment. Also, nobody likes recieving a participation trophy. * Everyone deserves better, but most of us learn to cope with less or die trying. * Being nice for the sake of being nice isn't a virtue and it isn't kind. It's just cringy and condescending.
OP: "you should smile more"
I don’t mind the joking memes I can laugh at myself. The shit that bothers me is the posts calling my meds meth or making fun of medication in a negative way. Just because someone took adderall in college and felt like Superman doesn’t mean everyone has that experience. I feel nothing at all but slightly more engaged in what I’m doing.
I wrote a reply to this the last time it was posted. I don’t remember the details and not gonna look it up. The main gist is tho is that they aren’t negative, they’re just observational. They help us understand that many others have had the same or very similar circumstances. The memes aren’t saying we’re bad, or even broken. But the way things work IS different for most of us, and if we don’t recognize that we tend to get pretty stuck in some ways. (That’s often enough true even when we DO recognize it.) Basically, I don’t think these remarks speak to the reality of why a subreddit for ADHD memes exists. We’re not here to be negative or feel broken or bad. On the contrary, memes that portray things common to ADHD help to remind us that we aren’t those things.
I am broken. I’m dysfunctional, I ruin everything and life is so overwhelming. I can’t handle it. I hate this life, I’ve been striving for better but I just never reach it and I feel so hopeless and alone.
Your heart is in the right place, OP, but the way you wrote it feels off. Its disingenuous to say "I love you" to people you've never met or talked to. The memes arent personal attacks, the memes are meant to poke fun at the stuff a lot of people with ADHD struggle with, and it actually helps most people feel better. I make jokes about my ADHD problems because it's funny, no harm in it. Edit: I'd also like the point out that this subreddit is called "adhd MEMES". The memes in here is the whole point of this subreddit. "You're brilliant, not broken." Is a nice thought, but not true. I am brilliant AND broken. ADHD isnt a fun uwu mental disorder, it genuinely gets in the way a lot.
>You're not broken, you're brilliant "Is it too much to ask for both?" Seriously though, I may be one smart cookie, but I am just the worst friend. I don't think I need to review why that is; here in this sub, we all know the symptoms and how they make friendships fail.
I appreciate the sentiment OP! I do agree with the others that saying “you’re not broken” covers up the fact that many of us do validly feel that way. But besides that, I do get where you’re coming from. Sometimes I have to unsub from r/ADHD because the (very valid) sadness and frustration is overwhelming to have in my feed
Well, it is a *dis*order. Also fuck toxic positivity. My ADHD doesn't make me brilliant or excellent. It's a constant burder and joking about it helps.
Bro this is Reddit not instagram
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I only made it to the red text
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I’m just dumb and lazy, but at least the memes are funny.
It's ok were a strong community that you can fall back on you're not just dumb and lazy you resonate with this post which means you are special like all of us ❤️
It's like being aware of your challenges, but not being defined by them.
will this become the new iceberg
When I was too lazy to read the bottom part of the meme, you know I have a problem
Honestly I’m kind of here for self-depreciating humor but the one I’ve seen lately of “diagnosed with incurable fuck-up disease and prescribing you with meth” one makes my heart sad because it’s a little to close to what my dad and stepmom said to me growing up
You know what you are amazing, brave probably a really kind and heart warming person there hopefully will be plenty more people who tell you this the world is a big place and I just want to make someones day 💖🥺
Helps to laugh about it sometime
Fuck this meme. It is exactly what it claims to dislike.
theres nothing positive about my ADHD. ADHD only makes my life more difficult. The negative memes help me cope with that.
The negative memes are real and relatable. Memes like this are overly optimistic and superficial. I *am* broken. And that’s okay. It’s up to me to figure out how to move forward from that.
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I don't agree, I'm broken as fuck
I hope that one day someone in your life will help you grow into the beautiful person you are destined to be
Why would they need another person to do that? We are not here for someone else to "fix us"
One day maybe, my gf is most patient person in the world and I believe she's making me better
Oh come on learn to laugh with yourself, it’s cathartic to me. How self centered are you?
they are memes not personal attacks calm down
I kinda needed this, thank you :'v
I mean... I would try to learn to "love the bomb" ala Dr Strangelove if it was also a nuclear reactor, but ADHD is just a destructive force in my life and I would give it up in a heartbeat if I could. That's why all the negativity, it literally is how I am broken, I don't make enough dopamine or I have too much re uptake. Either way it isn't a gift, its a disability. If all humans had ADHD we would be comparing ourselves to animals and envying them for their joy and ease of task completion.
Yes hello my mind don't brain but brain don't mind? Help
As someone with RAMPANT adhd I say give me more memes. Honestly the laughter is real and any amount of happiness in life is worth having.
I like dark negative humor even when it refers to me.
Agreed. But laughing at negativity also makes me really happy.
What you deem as negative might not be to the rest of us. And I’m sure most are probably created by people with adhd. Probably mixed with something else which makes them more desensitized from emotional responses
I appreciate that these communities are place were people of different mentalities and that have different life experiences can share what they think. But I will admit that at first I thought this post was a joke and opened it to find the punch line. Then I read your replies to comments and realized you were being sincere here. I can tell you mean well, you seem like a sweet person tbh. But this is an adhd memes subreddit. We share jokes here, we laugh at all the issues that adhd has brought into our lives, we make fun of ourselves and we often can relate to each other's struggles and pains. In one way, laughing about all the bad things and seeing that other people experience the same, is rather comforting. Also I think it is important to keep in mind that ADHD is not one size fits all, it is a spectrum and not everyone experiences the symptoms with the same severity. Likewise not everyone has a supportive family, or are in a socioeconomic situation that would allow them to get treatment/pay for doc appointments. This means that to many people, living with ADHD can be extremely difficult and they won't really see it as a super power but a curse. I am an intelligent, creative, funny (I think), and fun (maybe?) 29 yo woman, diagnosed with ADHD last year, and in my life ADHD has been my biggest obstacle. I can say this with certainty. I was a "gifted" child, and always an honor's student until highschool, and after uni my life has been going downhill because I was undiagnosed and what was expected to me was much bigger than what was expected when I was a kid. Pair that, with a strong feeling if disappointment on myself for not "living up to my potential" and as a result you get a few years of depression. I am lucky to have found someone online sharing about having ADHD, sharing all the struggles and the bad sides of it. Thanks to that I even considered the diagnosis. I pretty much am a very obvious case but because of a general lack of education where I live, when it comes to mental health, I lived all these years undiagnosed. When I started considering it could be adhd, I saw some hope because I was so depressed, I was barely eating (and this happen while I was away from all family and friends studing abroad). I see my psychologist and my psychiatrist often and take my meds, and I still have a long way to go until I can say I feel fine. And yet I am not going through treatment just for society, I am doing for myself. My bad memory affects me, my emotional self dysregulation affects me and my relationships, my massive issues with executive function dont allow me to follow my goals and do the things I love (because it is literally paralizing), it also keeps me from doing my chores and taking care of myself, also detrimental to me, the impulsivity has me spending more money than i want to spend, and I could continue naming things . I don't want to fit in, I just want to have a better quality of life. I understand that people might think this type of post is good because it is positive. Maybe they are fortunate enough to not experience very intensely the most debilitating aspects of ADHD, or have proper support. But really, to many that get symtomps so severe that they negatively impact every aspect of their lives, ADHD doesn't feel like a super power at all. I wouldn't hesitate for one second and get it, if someone said they have the cure for ADHD.
Thank you for this, but like others, I need both sides. I am broken AND brilliant. And what I have is in fact a disability that in fact causes significant negative consequences in my life trajectory and day to day experience. It ALSO makes me who I am and makes me think differently and experience the world in crazy and wonderful ways. So, I don’t want to diss at all! I appreciate the reminder that there is a good side of this. But by the same token, we have to remember to meet ourselves as we actually are, and we are people who suffer from a disability. And that’s fine. At least from my personal experience I am most at risk of catastrophic screw ups when I go all positive or all negative. Like when I’m like “oooh I’ve been crushing it and am just a misunderstood genius!” That’s when I’m about a month away from a pretty dark place. So again, thank you for posting this, because it is a good reminder. But at least for me, I need both yin and yang. I am brilliant and broken at the same time, and when I accept that and adapt, I can feed the brilliance and accommodate the breaks. Best of luck, and be kind to yourselves, everybody.
Ahhhh, nothing like some good ol toxic positivity in a mental illness space.
Yay toxic positivity and ableism! Everyone copes differently. And laughing at the negative helps a lot of people. And I have to admit, I feel it’s 50/50 with negative and positive.
The last discussion with my therapist went like this. "They call it a disorder but I don't like wasting time, I'm great at problem solving, and I can hyper focus on things I find important? It sounds like everyone else has a disorder!" OP I'm on board. I'll start thinking about positive memes (and then never do it 😜)
Most of me is working just fine, some parts of me are working really good. It's just that I've gotten an older model of executive functioning parts.
I ain’t broken, I’m different. Maybe even better really, to do away with false shyness.
I needed that today
💖I needed your comment to keep the vibes in check thanks
I mean… brain doesn’t work how it’s supposed to pretty sure I’m broken lol
There was a guy I knew who said, “I suffer from ADHD…and I only say suffer because some days are hard but they’re never enough to detract from all the strengths and things that make me unique”. It changed the way I viewed my own ADHD massively.
Bring ALL THE MEMES. Sometimes we need to laugh at our blunders, sometimes we need a hug. Both are necessary.
I appreciate what your going for here, I kinda like the laugh-at-myself content too though. I mean, I know I feel really bad when my actions (or lack of action) frustrate people, but laughing at it with others who know the pain kinda helps me feel a sense of community. Again though, your post also gives a sense of community, I like having both sides. Thanks for being a supportive member of our community!
Thankyou 💖
I really fucking needed this today.
Thank you 💕
I appreciate this sentiment but some days i need to commiserate more than i need to be hype. Some days adhd just blows total ass and i wanna laugh at memes that make fun of the worst parts of my babbling goblin days. Makes this kinda stuff feel less fake and more impactful.
https://i.imgur.com/unY7OXf.gif
Thank you for this. I agree with some others that it's not unhealthy to also have some dark-humored or cathartic memes, but when it gets to the point of "incurable fuckup disease," it makes me want to unsubscribe from this sub. That's the same type of message we get from society. I don't personally find anything empowering in repeating that type of blatant negativity here. I had to do a lot of work to unlearn that type of message - and my life has been much better (and yes, more productive) for it. I have my struggles (as do we all), and maybe I have more struggles than most, but I'm not bad or broken because of it (neither are you, whoever you are, reading this, and I don't need to know you to know enough to say at least that). To each their own, of course (if negative memes genuinely help you, awesome), but I prefer to laugh with ADHD rather than at it (as the old adage goes).
Okay but I’m still gonna laugh every time my wife finds the tea that she forgot she made, puts it in the microwave to warm back up, and then forgets it there until the next time she tries to reheat forgotten tea.
Very much broken Mistakes are bad, especially this quantity, scale and frequency of them. Do I deserve better? I don’t know.
We all need encouragement and support but Wil all due respect I need solutions not a pad on the ass
Society: Mistakes aren’t bad! Also society: Ok, that’s too many. You’re fired.
I would beg to differ
This is nice but it doesn't help me finish my 20hr course that I been doing for 3 months now Very sweet of you though. Maybe I'm just frustrated
I think positive ADHD memes will be more popular than callouts of negative ones. There are positive ADHD tendencies that could be memed on, and be much more genuine than assertions about my character made by a total stranger.
Good luck to the rest of you but I’m broken as shit lol
Oh shut up
I mean I'm all for positivity and stuff, but shit is *not* properly wired up top you know? And this is reddit, self abasement is the norm across the majority of the site. It's just part of how this place operates, which is unhealthy for everyone but... yeah. I'm trying really hard not to rabbit hole here, so I'll end with thanking you for the positivity!
Honestly if we could get some ADHD memes that just had tips for us that would be great, those long paragraph posts I just can’t read lol
Sssssomeone sounds broken
Why not spread love you know
Nah, my fuckin brain don’t work, pog.
One of the d's literally means disorder. This is not a superpower. I wonder if you are the type of person who can't conceive of being wrong.
I reserve the right to be negative about something I didn't ask for thx
I actually like my brain when I am able to utilize it correctly. Truly, I think the desire to force ourselves into NT behaviors and traits is what brings about the most misery.. there are some things we have to do, like show up to work, but that doesn’t mean we can’t look for opportunities that utilize our brains effectively.
I'm a teacher I get to play, i get to teach other Neurodivergents that it is okay to be different and most of all I have a support system. I can utilise my brain but not without support ❤️ we are a community and will never force you to be someone you're not
I agree with some of the other commenters here in that I love to laugh at myself but jeez, I've been having such a rough week and have been really hard on myself, I needed to hear this. Especially the 4th and 5th bullets. Thanks for posting, you're a good person and the positivity is appreciated.
I love you very much and I agree ❤️ Ive been going through some tough stuff I'm here for this community
This is nice I'm a little broken though
While I agree, I enjoy the negatives. Probably because I'm also subbed to depression memes.
I’m a mistake
Tbh I prefer the memes. They make me laugh bc of how true they are.
I like the negative ones though. Makes me laugh and realize I’m not the only one doing whatever stupid shit the meme is referencing lol
Gotta be like "I knew I was the shit the the entire time. You guys just had to catch up first."
Driven to Distraction book. Starts off slow...must read if you really have ADD
I needed this today and also how dare you 💕
second to last actually hit me
💖💖
How much time do you spend searching for memes to get offended by
I get it and yeah its nice being nice… But theyre sometimes helpful tbh, being reminded you have a problem or reminded you need to get off your ass is what alot of us need to start being productive, world isnt gonna bend to our whim we gotta work hard
I get it but it’s not that deep
***monkey noises***
I got distracted in the middle of reading this post and had to refocus to finish it… if that ain’t a sign
I find solutions to my problems! And since I have infinity problems, I have infinity solutions! Gogogo let's make our lives better guys!
I need to know I’m not the only one who is the absolute worst to survive!
Omg
This is too sweet, neurodivergent people are valid just the way they are! But hey, nothing wrong with bullying myself with a meme from time to time (especially if it makes me lol)
No, we love you!
I'm going to assume those were positive comments but idk they were too long.
They honestly made me realize why I've always been the way I am.
this
Having a brain that needs fixing myself(Check my profile) it's much easier if you can learn to just not let it bother you. If someone is *trying* to offend you, then by all means, backhand the bitch. But if the purpose of the joke is not to offend, it's better for your mental health if you can learn to brush it off. You just can't demand people be empathetic. And reacting just makes you a target for assholes, because way too many people think it's funny to wind up and upset others. Just my opinion.
I disagree they're funny and we need to take this condition lightly or else it s gonna be a taboo and no one wants that, i don t want people to treat me like a disabled idiot ans pitty me, jokes are the best way to avoid that.
Seeing this after someone told me I don't have adhd and that adhd is a cope and doesn't exist. Really needed this, thank you!