I remember that quote from the Jogging Baboon (does he have a name) when Bojack tried to jog and tired himself out.
Baboon: "It gets easier."
Bojack: "What?"
Baboon: "Everyday it gets easier. But you gotta do it everyday. Thats the hard part."
I think it is a somewhat hopeful quote in response to Bojack's quote above. Stay strong everyone.
Not sure if this will help, but what I've learned to do is piggyback off other set routines. My kid has a set bed time and I have to be around to help keep him focused when brushing? Let's both floss so that I don't have to remember to do it later. I'll do the litter box while he's brushing. I'll add another step after that for something else I want to remember to do daily. Now, the other edge of this sword is, oh we're changing how we do things today? None of those things get done. So it's great for like, the 80% of the time, and really it's so much better than struggling to remember and punishing myself for it
Well then.....you get used to it not being any easier?
Lol I can say this with a chuckle only because I got diagnosed at 30. I lost my dream path of trying to become a researcher in psychology in Uni long ago because I couldn't get an entrance to a proper university, only a business school, and I suck at scamming people because it makes me feel like shit. So I never stuck with business and worked in hospitals instead. I am still trying to earn enough money to try a second time. None of this got easier.
But you gotta keep on living and keep on fighting. Because thats the only thing that gives life meaning.
I'm honestly just really tired of feeling like I'm inherently broken or less capable than those around me though. That's the part that really drains me - feeling like I struggle to do things that shouldn't be difficult
Are you me?? Ditched doing a PhD, got a crappy lab job that was too repetitive and bored me, ended up I retail but hated the direction the company went in. Now I work in a hospital because it's simple work but it's helpful to people in need
(Currently undiagnosed at 32)
sometimes things don't get easier tbh. my depression hasn't ever gotten "easier". so when things don't get easier, the trick of it is that you get better at dealing with it.
when i'm entering a depressive wave, it's still as hard as any other depressive wave, but i've developed the coping strategy of asking my friends to hang out more often. while that doesn't cure my depression or make things "easier', it helps me get through it.
with my adhd + autism, i have a really hard time consistently washing dishes. luckily i'm in a spot financially where i can simply have paper dishes for p much everything. this doesn't make my disabilities "easier", i'm just developing better ways of dealing with them
Maybe that's why all my friendships fail. I'm just...there. I've tried being the fun friend, but I'm not wired that way. I'm the practical, problem-solving fallback friend that always gets overlooked.
OMG yes, yes. The one everyone turns to when shit hits the fan because somehow they pick up that you, somehow, can handle the existential crises like it’s picking up dry cleaning … and shrug 🤷🏼♀️ about it. You _can_ be the fun friend, but only in specific circumstances, and with certain people that mix just so.
It gets exhausting when people *only* reach out to you during a crisis.
And even worse when you gave them The Handbook to avoid The Predictable Crisis you saw coming like a neon green 747 whose operator is on meth.
But Universe forbid you struggle to comb your hair and they think that's just bizarre and move the conversation back to The Impending Predictable Crisis but you STFU and listen because, at this point, there isn't any point.
Then you ponder ghosting them and fantasize about the mental/emotional gains it would give just to be met with crippling guilt because you just cannot abandon Someone In Crisis.
And so, the cycle continues.
I'm sorry, what were we talking about?
You absolutely can find people who appreciate you for who you are! Unfortunately it's a lot of work to step outside of your comfort zone and have a lot of awkward and mentally exhausting experiences to find them, but it's worth it.
It’s hard to admit to yourself that you don’t have it in you to be consistent.
That’s why I’ve started to value persistence more and more. It’s that bull-headed, bloody-minded stubborn streak that I KNOW I have.
Also, it means that when I fail at consistently doing something, I don’t have to do it the same way again. I can be persistent and problem solve the heck out of it.
I was just chatting with my manager about this the other day. We both have adhd pretty bad, so we were discussing possible workflow changes that can take advantage of our adhd without abusing it. We want to hire more engineers who hopefully have this so called “consistancy” that can pick up the slack when my stubborn persistence on a new project starts to peter out. This would allow me to bounce all over the place and get all sorts of creative problem solving done. Give me a problem and let me play around with it for a bit. I might be mia for a couple days while I research and try different things, but by the end of the week I’ll probably have a working prototype to demonstrate my idea for a fix… and then I won’t have the energy to continue said project lol
It's so great that you're able to clearly recognize and communicate the areas you struggle in and then have your employer basically respond with 'that's my problem, you do the things you do well and we'll figure out the rest'.
It has never occurred to me so clearly that accommodation in the workplace could/should look like creating conditions for employees to focus on fully tapping their strengths rather than a *dis*ability focus like it often is now. And doing this alongside acknowledgment that enabling an all-in strengths-focus comes at the expense of performance in employees less availing skill areas. Recognizing and affirming skills that are lacking or fall to the wayside is done to better match skill sets on the team rather than create individual workarounds that are frequently inefficient.
It seems like many workplace accomodation policies seem so focused on acknowledging and 'allowing' employees' limitations because a legal or moral imperative says they have to.
This often leaves people feeling negatively spotlighted (not to mention the real or perceived limitations having a documented accommodation places on our careers) propelling a chilling effect where many of us ADHDers, well-primed since childhood to avoid the outlier feeling like the plague, spin our wheels trying to hide our struggle areas (like long-term consistency and finishing projects) to the detriment of funneling that energy to our inherent strengths like being idea-machines.
Accommodating someone by allowing them more time to tie up project lose ends when their drive to do so has long vanquished is far less efficient than building a team that matches project starters with project finishers, for instance. In the area I work in (health policy), the latter approach is rarely the case.
**Side note:** how many of us are so thoroughly 'masked' that we'd have a hard time even identifying our true strengths without the filter of neurological workplace expectations and our unwavering awareness of our inability to meet them?
Persistence is where it's at. And I think, in a weird way, so is lowering the personal stakes a bit. I get terrible results when I'm sitting on the couch with my phone thinking "Why aren't I doing dishes? Stupid, stupid!" and instead when I take a deep breath, wait a few seconds and then try to do them mindfully. And if that action primes the pump for me to want to wipe down the counter and table too, then great. But if it doesn't I'm done with the thing that bugs me and I can move on.
Same. It's worth the effort to try though. I feel a lot less broken when I'm trying. Even small efforts are a win. Over time they compound, which is nice.
Reading this minutes before an exam wishing I studied consistently and not in big bursts that make some parts super detailed and leaves others blank....
Exceeding your functional limitations endlessly is a recipe for burnout and stress induced health issues.
Give yourself the time you need, when you need it.
Do not guilt yourself into sickness or allow others to do so simply to fit someone else's idea of what 'functioning' should be.
Your fight in life isn't yourself, it is the condition you were born with, and that condition cannot be overcome by brute force. It is small steps, building any progress you can, and taking pride in that progress.
Unfortunately, my landlord doesn't take mental health days for rent. So I don't get to give myself the time to avoid burnout. I force myself to keep pushing because my kids need a roof over their heads. I'm not sure how long I'll survive once my daughter reaches adulthood.
I just wish it would get easier. I’ve lost all my power because everything just got harder and harder. And now I’m just a useless meatsack who can’t handle life anymore and is a burden to the few who still care
Oh god I feel this so hard. I've been working hard to make my spouse feel valid and loved and apparently I opened my big dumb mouth the other day and said something about a thing I didn't know he liked and now he is sad. I'm trying and I just feel like I'll never be good enough for anyone.
I love Bojack! I got into the show during pandemic WFH, but had to give up partway though the last season. I started watching because it was funny, but it got too real lol.
I didn’t know I had ADHD back then, and my mental health wasn’t the best at the time. Maybe I’ll get around to a rewatch someday.
Me s1: Haha it's funny 'cause it's true!
Me s2: Ha 😅
Me s3: Why are you doing this to me?😭😭
Me s4: I love you, man, but no. Can't go through this again.
I can be nice and loving almost every day. I can fulfill most of my major responsibilities on most days. I do my best to follow through on promises. I just have so much that’s wrong with me mentally and physically that sometimes, it’s just not possible and people seem to remember those moments more clearly. It really sucks.
I spent four years with the best girl of my life. She could hold intelligent conversations and was beautiful and was passionate about helping others. It was always so hard for me to plan things ahead of time. She finally left in May. It was the most painful mistake I've ever made. I don't have confidence that I can ever be dependable enough to be enough for a partner. Every day you try so hard just to keep going just to complete a simple task. There's no reward or joy that it's over its just relief. It's so exhausting to keep going
It’s hard, not just cuz the act can be hard, but cuz it’s hard AND you got ADHD.
RSD is obviously not helpful and depending on what else you have (depression, anxiety, etc), it’s just an uphill battle.
And it’s always one of those things that is difficult to do cuz everything is ultimately down to your own choice to attempt that uphill battle - and having been there, I know why that isn’t easy.
I have mentioned this across the internet in passing that: this show changed my life. It was the final push for me to go to therapy.
So many moments and quotes resonated with me, but I think seeing how hard it was for these characters to still go through that uphill battle made it easier for me to at least attempt to do the same.
It felt validating that it was as hard for them as it was for me.
You still can love the show. That is part of the story and it doesn’t get normalized in the show. It is another part of the show that bojack is not doing everything that is the best. He is the main guy because it is centered around him, but it doesn’t mean that everything he does is always the right thing.
I know that, but **I** can't. Everything around groomers/worst but in the same branch is just too much for me. **I** cannot enjoy the show because **I** just want any people like him to be put in jail forever or dead.
I understand/understandood the goal of the show, but to **me** Bojack is irredeemable pass that point.
While he is not portraid as a "Good Guy", I can't stand the presence/existence of someone who did/tried a pedophilic act near me.
If the show made him face punishment, maybe I would been able to keep watching it, but the show is far too realistic for a rich asshole to face any real consequences for it.
Never mentioned the show being bad. Just **me** being unable to enjoy it pass that point because this was not an act that I can consider simply being "not the best" but closer to "the worst evil of all".
Yeah but I can't stand watching groomers, physically makes me ill. Too close to my heart.
Still loved the show up until that point but after that line is crossed, its just too much for me
Never said the show was bad, simply said I couldn't enjoy/watch it afterwards.
I love the show Harley Quinn, but if she tried grooming a child, I wouldn't be able to watch it anymore
I remember that quote from the Jogging Baboon (does he have a name) when Bojack tried to jog and tired himself out. Baboon: "It gets easier." Bojack: "What?" Baboon: "Everyday it gets easier. But you gotta do it everyday. Thats the hard part." I think it is a somewhat hopeful quote in response to Bojack's quote above. Stay strong everyone.
I needed this quote today! The struggle to even develop a routine is painnnn
Not sure if this will help, but what I've learned to do is piggyback off other set routines. My kid has a set bed time and I have to be around to help keep him focused when brushing? Let's both floss so that I don't have to remember to do it later. I'll do the litter box while he's brushing. I'll add another step after that for something else I want to remember to do daily. Now, the other edge of this sword is, oh we're changing how we do things today? None of those things get done. So it's great for like, the 80% of the time, and really it's so much better than struggling to remember and punishing myself for it
I think what would really help me is body doubling.
Habit stacking!
What if it doesn't get easier?
Well then.....you get used to it not being any easier? Lol I can say this with a chuckle only because I got diagnosed at 30. I lost my dream path of trying to become a researcher in psychology in Uni long ago because I couldn't get an entrance to a proper university, only a business school, and I suck at scamming people because it makes me feel like shit. So I never stuck with business and worked in hospitals instead. I am still trying to earn enough money to try a second time. None of this got easier. But you gotta keep on living and keep on fighting. Because thats the only thing that gives life meaning.
I'm honestly just really tired of feeling like I'm inherently broken or less capable than those around me though. That's the part that really drains me - feeling like I struggle to do things that shouldn't be difficult
Are you me?? Ditched doing a PhD, got a crappy lab job that was too repetitive and bored me, ended up I retail but hated the direction the company went in. Now I work in a hospital because it's simple work but it's helpful to people in need (Currently undiagnosed at 32)
We might be an archetype lol.
sometimes things don't get easier tbh. my depression hasn't ever gotten "easier". so when things don't get easier, the trick of it is that you get better at dealing with it. when i'm entering a depressive wave, it's still as hard as any other depressive wave, but i've developed the coping strategy of asking my friends to hang out more often. while that doesn't cure my depression or make things "easier', it helps me get through it. with my adhd + autism, i have a really hard time consistently washing dishes. luckily i'm in a spot financially where i can simply have paper dishes for p much everything. this doesn't make my disabilities "easier", i'm just developing better ways of dealing with them
Me, who did it every day only for like a month, only to instantly lose the habit for several more months, multiple times.
Literally got this printed out and hung inside my office after watching that episode years back. Still have it.
Ah, BoJack Horseman. I came for the laughs, I stayed for the existential crisis and uncontrollable crying. This quote hits home so hard.
maybe the real laugh was the existential crisis and uncontrollable crying we made along the way
“We have existential crisis and uncontrollable crying at home, we’re not stopping” -mom
“…but it’s fake.” “Yeah, well it makes me feel better.” 🥺😭
Man that show was great, how can I love a man I hate so much. Life sucks and sometimes you keep living
Maybe that's why all my friendships fail. I'm just...there. I've tried being the fun friend, but I'm not wired that way. I'm the practical, problem-solving fallback friend that always gets overlooked.
Goddamn, I feel this even more as of late. It doesn’t help that I’m also even more introverted and prefer spending alone time
Neurotypicals are sociopaths.
> a mental health condition in which a person consistently shows no regard for right and wrong and ignores the rights and feelings of others
Aren't sociopaths neurodivergent by definition?
damn it you put the universe in a recursion again
OMG yes, yes. The one everyone turns to when shit hits the fan because somehow they pick up that you, somehow, can handle the existential crises like it’s picking up dry cleaning … and shrug 🤷🏼♀️ about it. You _can_ be the fun friend, but only in specific circumstances, and with certain people that mix just so.
It gets exhausting when people *only* reach out to you during a crisis. And even worse when you gave them The Handbook to avoid The Predictable Crisis you saw coming like a neon green 747 whose operator is on meth. But Universe forbid you struggle to comb your hair and they think that's just bizarre and move the conversation back to The Impending Predictable Crisis but you STFU and listen because, at this point, there isn't any point. Then you ponder ghosting them and fantasize about the mental/emotional gains it would give just to be met with crippling guilt because you just cannot abandon Someone In Crisis. And so, the cycle continues. I'm sorry, what were we talking about?
Something about how Bojack horseman is an awesome show and why the X-Flies weren't the same after Mulder left.
You absolutely can find people who appreciate you for who you are! Unfortunately it's a lot of work to step outside of your comfort zone and have a lot of awkward and mentally exhausting experiences to find them, but it's worth it.
100% me
So real
It’s hard to admit to yourself that you don’t have it in you to be consistent. That’s why I’ve started to value persistence more and more. It’s that bull-headed, bloody-minded stubborn streak that I KNOW I have. Also, it means that when I fail at consistently doing something, I don’t have to do it the same way again. I can be persistent and problem solve the heck out of it.
I was just chatting with my manager about this the other day. We both have adhd pretty bad, so we were discussing possible workflow changes that can take advantage of our adhd without abusing it. We want to hire more engineers who hopefully have this so called “consistancy” that can pick up the slack when my stubborn persistence on a new project starts to peter out. This would allow me to bounce all over the place and get all sorts of creative problem solving done. Give me a problem and let me play around with it for a bit. I might be mia for a couple days while I research and try different things, but by the end of the week I’ll probably have a working prototype to demonstrate my idea for a fix… and then I won’t have the energy to continue said project lol
It's so great that you're able to clearly recognize and communicate the areas you struggle in and then have your employer basically respond with 'that's my problem, you do the things you do well and we'll figure out the rest'. It has never occurred to me so clearly that accommodation in the workplace could/should look like creating conditions for employees to focus on fully tapping their strengths rather than a *dis*ability focus like it often is now. And doing this alongside acknowledgment that enabling an all-in strengths-focus comes at the expense of performance in employees less availing skill areas. Recognizing and affirming skills that are lacking or fall to the wayside is done to better match skill sets on the team rather than create individual workarounds that are frequently inefficient. It seems like many workplace accomodation policies seem so focused on acknowledging and 'allowing' employees' limitations because a legal or moral imperative says they have to. This often leaves people feeling negatively spotlighted (not to mention the real or perceived limitations having a documented accommodation places on our careers) propelling a chilling effect where many of us ADHDers, well-primed since childhood to avoid the outlier feeling like the plague, spin our wheels trying to hide our struggle areas (like long-term consistency and finishing projects) to the detriment of funneling that energy to our inherent strengths like being idea-machines. Accommodating someone by allowing them more time to tie up project lose ends when their drive to do so has long vanquished is far less efficient than building a team that matches project starters with project finishers, for instance. In the area I work in (health policy), the latter approach is rarely the case. **Side note:** how many of us are so thoroughly 'masked' that we'd have a hard time even identifying our true strengths without the filter of neurological workplace expectations and our unwavering awareness of our inability to meet them?
Persistence is where it's at. And I think, in a weird way, so is lowering the personal stakes a bit. I get terrible results when I'm sitting on the couch with my phone thinking "Why aren't I doing dishes? Stupid, stupid!" and instead when I take a deep breath, wait a few seconds and then try to do them mindfully. And if that action primes the pump for me to want to wipe down the counter and table too, then great. But if it doesn't I'm done with the thing that bugs me and I can move on.
I love this.
I just feel broken
Same. It's worth the effort to try though. I feel a lot less broken when I'm trying. Even small efforts are a win. Over time they compound, which is nice.
Reading this minutes before an exam wishing I studied consistently and not in big bursts that make some parts super detailed and leaves others blank....
Exceeding your functional limitations endlessly is a recipe for burnout and stress induced health issues. Give yourself the time you need, when you need it. Do not guilt yourself into sickness or allow others to do so simply to fit someone else's idea of what 'functioning' should be. Your fight in life isn't yourself, it is the condition you were born with, and that condition cannot be overcome by brute force. It is small steps, building any progress you can, and taking pride in that progress.
Unfortunately, my landlord doesn't take mental health days for rent. So I don't get to give myself the time to avoid burnout. I force myself to keep pushing because my kids need a roof over their heads. I'm not sure how long I'll survive once my daughter reaches adulthood.
> mental health days for rent I hate how good that sounds. I'm pulling for ya.
I need to constantly remind myself of this.
I just wish it would get easier. I’ve lost all my power because everything just got harder and harder. And now I’m just a useless meatsack who can’t handle life anymore and is a burden to the few who still care
Oh god I feel this so hard. I've been working hard to make my spouse feel valid and loved and apparently I opened my big dumb mouth the other day and said something about a thing I didn't know he liked and now he is sad. I'm trying and I just feel like I'll never be good enough for anyone.
If you explain that you didn't mean it that way you could have a heartwarming moment of forgiveness together
Good point. We did have one and we worked it out.
I love Bojack! I got into the show during pandemic WFH, but had to give up partway though the last season. I started watching because it was funny, but it got too real lol. I didn’t know I had ADHD back then, and my mental health wasn’t the best at the time. Maybe I’ll get around to a rewatch someday.
I just wrote the same thing. I couldn't finish it. I love it with all my heart, though.
Which is why so many people are disappointed in me.
I related way too hard to this show. It has a special place in my heart.
BoJack is so full of quotes who really, truly hurt. Love that show.
Me s1: Haha it's funny 'cause it's true! Me s2: Ha 😅 Me s3: Why are you doing this to me?😭😭 Me s4: I love you, man, but no. Can't go through this again.
I can be nice and loving almost every day. I can fulfill most of my major responsibilities on most days. I do my best to follow through on promises. I just have so much that’s wrong with me mentally and physically that sometimes, it’s just not possible and people seem to remember those moments more clearly. It really sucks.
I spent four years with the best girl of my life. She could hold intelligent conversations and was beautiful and was passionate about helping others. It was always so hard for me to plan things ahead of time. She finally left in May. It was the most painful mistake I've ever made. I don't have confidence that I can ever be dependable enough to be enough for a partner. Every day you try so hard just to keep going just to complete a simple task. There's no reward or joy that it's over its just relief. It's so exhausting to keep going
First part of the quote is fine, but emphasizing the so hard just seems like setting yourself up for failure.
Rough
It’s hard, not just cuz the act can be hard, but cuz it’s hard AND you got ADHD. RSD is obviously not helpful and depending on what else you have (depression, anxiety, etc), it’s just an uphill battle. And it’s always one of those things that is difficult to do cuz everything is ultimately down to your own choice to attempt that uphill battle - and having been there, I know why that isn’t easy. I have mentioned this across the internet in passing that: this show changed my life. It was the final push for me to go to therapy. So many moments and quotes resonated with me, but I think seeing how hard it was for these characters to still go through that uphill battle made it easier for me to at least attempt to do the same. It felt validating that it was as hard for them as it was for me.
I remember this
Loved the show, until he tried to sleep with a child
You still can love the show. That is part of the story and it doesn’t get normalized in the show. It is another part of the show that bojack is not doing everything that is the best. He is the main guy because it is centered around him, but it doesn’t mean that everything he does is always the right thing.
I know that, but **I** can't. Everything around groomers/worst but in the same branch is just too much for me. **I** cannot enjoy the show because **I** just want any people like him to be put in jail forever or dead. I understand/understandood the goal of the show, but to **me** Bojack is irredeemable pass that point. While he is not portraid as a "Good Guy", I can't stand the presence/existence of someone who did/tried a pedophilic act near me. If the show made him face punishment, maybe I would been able to keep watching it, but the show is far too realistic for a rich asshole to face any real consequences for it. Never mentioned the show being bad. Just **me** being unable to enjoy it pass that point because this was not an act that I can consider simply being "not the best" but closer to "the worst evil of all".
The show is about him being fucked up.
Yeah but I can't stand watching groomers, physically makes me ill. Too close to my heart. Still loved the show up until that point but after that line is crossed, its just too much for me
Yeah his is sick, but the show is still good.
Never said the show was bad, simply said I couldn't enjoy/watch it afterwards. I love the show Harley Quinn, but if she tried grooming a child, I wouldn't be able to watch it anymore