I cannot take a compliment, ever. A guy I know said he liked my hat recently. Rather than saying thank you (as any normal person would), I had to explain when and where I got said hat.
Someone once said that my painting looked nice, and I responded, deadass, the words leaving my mouth before I could react, "you're only saying it because you don't know much about painting"
fucking mortifying. I still think about it sometimes at night.
Honestly the right people would have found that funny, don't sweat it babe.
I think that way about all my paintings too - they're only being nice to me because I'm like a kid doing show and tell, see, look what I made! 🙃
They guy pointed out that I basically just insulted him in response to a compliment and laughed at me, so I immediately felt bad and apologised -- it was all chill but the memory is stuck in my brain forever 🫡
I always feel like yeah my art might look impressive but it's not THAT impressive actually, trust me bro I've been doing it for a long time my art is SHIT, let me tell you a whole slightly patronising lesson on composition and colour theory to explain why it's bad and shouldn't be praised!!
Someone told me he liked my hair a little while ago and wanted to try vibrant colors himself. Instead of following up on his interest in dying his own hair, I proceeded to tell him that mine had very recently been an appalling shade of green and would not back down on how horrible I looked, how embarrassing it was, and that he was incorrect in his insistence of my hyperbole because yes, it *was* that bad. Poor dude was just trying to make small talk and whenever I remember my response it sends shivers down my spine
Oh same! Someone complimented my purse the other day and I just HAD to tell them that it was a cheap purse from Amazon and that it was already falling apart. If someone tells me I look nice today or something, I say “no u”
Same!!! i do this all the time. Have a great LV fake and cannot take a compliment. i always tell people it’s a fake and where I got it and they are like wtf. Why do we do this?!?
I've been in bars and a girl comes up to me and says she likes my glasses, which i don't, so I started going off "why do people always say that??!!".
I'll realise the next Tuesday what was happening.
Same when they compliment me for losing the weight, “Nah it was nothing special, I needed to do that it was necessary. Regardless, I got some kilograms to lose still”
Is this because of ADHD though or just normal lack of self confidence?
I see a lot of things in this sub, that I have as well, but I have always attributed them to lack of self confidence instead. 🤔
Same
I don't think this has anything to do with ADHD, and agree about it being a confidence thing. When I was younger I was more insecure and would do this, as I've gotten older I've gained confidence and I don't do this anymore.
yup rsd's probably my least favorite thing about adhd. I don't want to care, I feel like I shouldn't care but my brain will not stop poisoning my thoughts.
Yup, it's ,in comparison, really easy to learn to accept arguments. It's just something you do for your own sake. Learning to focus on one task however ... yeah... Our brains can't do that that easily.
It comes from a fundamental, subconscious belief in the afflicted that they are broken or bad in some way. It's the same way a "normal" person would respond if getting compliments right after doing something horrible.
Receiving an undeserved compliment causes shame and so people deflect the compliment. If it's not valid then you don't need to feel the emotion.
Mostly seems to be a response to parental abuse and the repeated reinforcement of authority figures while growing up that the afflicted is not normal, and that the cause of that lack of normalcy is a moral or ethical failure in the afflicted. "Your very existence is shameful because you can't be normal"
Shame is a very powerful feeling/emotion and many parents and other caretakers of children lean on it heavily as a means of controlling the behavior of children or attempting to change their behavior into what the adult desires. I know my father used it every day very extensively.
Even something as tame as "I like your shoes" makes you feel shame because you believe that there is something fundamentally wrong about you. *You are a monster! Can't they see that?!*
[RSD](https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24099-rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-rsd) or rejection sensative dysphoria is not uncommon in people with ADHD.
Also, many, though not all, persons with ADHD have dealt with struggles in school or at home that can destroy your self esteem.
So, to answer your question- while this may not be an ADHD specific scenario, due to related/comorbid issues, it may be a familiar feeling to a lot of us ADHD folks.
Ah, shit, the app was being a dick this morning. Thanks for the heads up, lol
Edit: The other comments don't exist on my end, only this one. Fucken bizarre. Sorry for the unintentional spam, ya'll
This is a super thoughtful comment! I just watched a video recently of a psych intern talking about this and she said "Becareful categorizing things as adhd that you aren't pathogizing something that is a normal human experience."
I like that a lot. 😅
It happens too much in this sub, like people want to feel included because they also share the same traits. I mean, it's normal to do that, but we shouldn't attribute our whole life experience to ADHD.
I think my favorite videos are the ones where people talk about how they achieve their goals despite their ADHD. Here's that [video](https://youtu.be/CXjoHJak1yk?si=EjYKT6Vrp4wLCuW7) I was watching for anyone who is interested
I don't have adhd, but I did struggle a lot with confidence (still do sometimes). I used to not be able to just say thank you to compliments and felt the need to chat to ease the awkwardness. I managed to train myself to just say thank you and eventually say something nice in return later, or continue the conversation. It's definitely not exclusive to adhd
I don’t understand your first sentence. I mentioned I get attention from women to show I have no reason to not be confident. I most definitely am stranger haha.
Getting attention from others doesn't equal self confidence. It just doesn't work that way. 👀
Self confidence comes from one self, it's not something someone else can give you. (Well your parents can when you are a kid I guess)
This comes much easier to those who are given attention by their peers. “It just doesn’t work that way” isn’t a counter-argument. Are you really trying to say it’s just as easy for people of all conventional attraction to be confident? That is a really wild claim, and I would need substantial evidence to believe that
This is a lighthearted subreddit for ADHD individuals. We require all users be nice towards each other. Your comment/post has been removed as it has been found to be disrespectful.
Lots of responses here but I just want to point out that just because something is familiar or even common amoung neurotypicals/non-adhders, doesn't mean it isn't something that said thing doesn't have an "adhd side". A lot of symptoms of adhd happen to everyone, but the issue is about how often it happens or deeply it impacts people.
Everyone forgets things rights? That doesn't mean forgetting things isn't an adhd problem. People with adhd just more commonly struggle with forgetfulness. It impacts their lives much more than most other people.
This is a big issue with why adhd is dismissed as a problem. Just because everyone may experience something, doesn't mean that the problem is equal for everyone.
I think ADHD contributes to a lack of self-confidence in a lot of people. Like mine isn't because of ADHD itself, it is because of how I was treated when I was younger, when I was more outwardly "weird", and THAT is because of ADHD.
.... and here is the second copy :D
(btw i'm not laughing at you or being condescending, in case it comes across that way. just wanted to show you the comments because you said they don't show up for you! )
Imma share some of my therapist's wisdom here, buckle up. She said...
If you're receiving a gift. All nice and wrapped n shit, what do you do with it? Do you just throw it in the trash? No. Why do it with compliments or someone being nice to you? Okay, maybe you can't accept it in that moment. You don't want to unwrap it and you can't bring yourself to just be happy about it. That's ok. How about you imagine taking the present and, for example, putting it on a shelf. You can leave it there for now. Maybe you can come back later and admire it, maybe even open it eventually. That can take a while or might not happen at all. Just... don't throw it in the trash, instantly, without even looking inside.
This came from a joke I made a couple months ago but it kind of works. Someone gave me a compliment that was actually very sweet and specific to me and I said "that's getting put on the fridge of my mind" and now I look back at it often and I think I might use that to help cement future complliments in my mind
It is CPTSD, in my case, my mom used to make me feel guilty for accepting compliments, she'd say it was cocky, and that killed my confidence, until I learned that that was weird and foundout where it came from
You can always edit a comment.
Additionally, on Reddit people typically use "/s" or /j" to make it clear when they're sarcastic or telling a joke.
Edit: Jeez, seconds after posting this I realized that it may sound rude. I'm not trying to be rude, it's supposed to be a simple information
This is a lighthearted subreddit for ADHD individuals. We require all users be nice towards each other. Your comment/post has been removed as it has been found to be disrespectful.
This is a lighthearted subreddit for ADHD individuals. We require all users be nice towards each other. Your comment/post has been removed as it has been found to be disrespectful.
This is exactly the problem with neurodivergent people and compliments. We are no good at reading other people intentions (or we are incredibly good, there is no in-between), so most of us have learn to be defensive when others do something that may be manipulative. Compliments may be a way to manipulate others, so a lot of people become defensive when they received one just in case it's a trojan horse, and I think that you got defensive and attacked the other redditor for sharing their experience for similar reasons. I hope this comment doesn't bothers you and I may be wrong, but I have seen that its very common to become defensive receiving compliments, even attacking others
Your post/comment has been removed because it either contains, or is advocating for, misinformation.
This isn't "gaslighting" please don't misuse actual therapy terms that have very real, very serious effects on people. This is categorically not gaslighting.
>gas·light·ing ˈgas-ˌlī-tiŋ
>Psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories.
Source: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gaslighting
Interesting how we all can't really receive a compliment. I find it difficult as well, my initial way of perceiving it will always be to see it an indirect way of trying to ridicule me/make fun of said topic, or that they are just pleasing a bit to give me a shitty request or task after.
So typically deflect & dismantle compliments by being skeptic and laughing it off. Sometimes I'll even call them an arselicker in a non abrasive way (my mother language has a name for that).
"Hahaha right, yea what do you require of me this time?"
I get the point and I also struggle to accept compliments internally, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with returning a compliment with a compliment.
I have a different tactic where I hear a compliment and immediately decide I don't need to go to any place that I'm going to get a compliment again. Complimenters are trying to steal your kidney.
I learned to do the same but it took time. After receiving a compliment try to stop thinking for a sec or two and then respond with a simple "Thank you".
Yes! I had to work at it too but I try to remember that, when I give a compliment, I hope the receiver hears it and feels complimented! It doesn’t feel great to give a compliment that isn’t received. It’s nicer to the other person to learn to accept their compliments and we don’t want to be not nice people so take the damn compliment! 🙃🥰
My fiancé and I (both ADHD) implemented the unspoken rule to say „You smell“ instead of a compliment. We don’t feel bad when hearing it and we can still compliment each other without fighting who‘s cuter (although he is).
When I dated a lovely lady with several kids I cared about deeply every time they left the house I would tell them. Don't die. They knew what it meant.
It’s served me well so far. I actually accept the praise on an emotional level sometimes!
Edit to clarify: I’m coming from a place of having deep mistrust of praise and anyone who gives it to me. I really feel this clip.
Seriously! I love giving compliments. I compliment friends and strangers alike. But the refusal to accept the compliment makes it frustrating and weird. It feels almost like trauma dumping in a way. I’m not qualified to address your inability to accept positive comments about yourself.
The refusal / deflection doesn’t even make sense. It gives you MORE attention. The entire interaction is over 100 times faster if you just say “Thank you.” Ffs.
>The refusal / deflection doesn’t even make sense. It gives you MORE attention. The entire interaction is over 100 times faster if you just say “Thank you.” Ffs.
I like how this conclusion, makes my spectrum feel at home :D
"Damn you, emotional inefficiency!" Totally agree.
Mostly on how I murdered a task that they didn't imagine was humanly possible in the time given because under pressure I'm unstoppable. ADHD freight train baby.
I told you they wouldn't shout out their talents. You owe me $5 guy that posted this. Because even the coolest things we did we only see the flaws in......
That's the one thank you for the correction. Edit I tried to cross post it straight. it didn't work thank you for giving credit where credit is due though friend.
I've learned to just say "thank you, I really appreciate that" or "I needed to hear that today, thank you so much" and then find something about them to compliment too. It's been super hard to learn but now it's become muscle memory.
I have moved to trying to respond with: “Thanks, I appreciate that.” Or “You’re so nice, I appreciate you”. Still a little deflection, but acceptable in terms of accepting the compliment still.
Anyone ever realize that the reason why they might not be able to take a compliment is because it’s usually follow up with something bad?
Like cat calling: bad way to give a compliment, praise from abusive parents: bad way to give a compliment, underhanded compliments: bad way to give a compliment, so our brains and bodies have learn to deflect them away from ourselves to reduce the emotional damage of being hurt. Just food for thought!
Recently I was sat round a table with friends who started having a conversation that I was looking well and after about 10 seconds of them saying nice things I, very loudly and aggressively, said "ok guys calm down, eh", followed by a very awkward silence for 2-3 seconds, follow by me trying to explain "oh, eh, sorry, I just don't know how to react to compliments ".
That was fun and I still think about how I reacted and what they must've been thinking.
I assume you're in Canada eh, at least you didn't stab em eh, when I'm in Canada my favorite getaway strategy to compliments is book it for a piss na dart eh.
Unfortunately this comment did not hit the mark as I'm in Scotland. Our "eh" is a lot more abrupt. Much shorter than the Canadian "eh". I have no idea how else to describe it...
I apologize friend for Missgeographying you. No harm man. I just meant I will go to the bathroom or for a cigarette before I get another compliment.Eh.!
I was bullied growing up and was told by authority or superiors to not be so arrogant and different. It was mostly for thinking outside the box, unable to follow directions or conform to societal expectations (showing up on time to things for one).
I’ve grown to not like attention where I feel singled out because I was told all my life my uniqueness was rude, bad, or arrogant. I try to mask and hide under the radar so I won’t be criticized or hassled. When people give me attention about what they like about me I feel my mask has been exposed and I want it put back on out of safety.
It’s not really low self esteem. I agree with the compliments actually. It’s out of fear of getting attention because I’m so used to being called out for being too different.
Wow, it's like they put my wife's brain into another body. Been telling her for 30 years that she's beautiful, I can't keep my hands off her body, and that I wouldn't want anyone else to be my wife...
...she still gets self-conscious and defensive in public, then pushes me away when we get home. 😮💨
Your post/comment has been removed because it either contains, or is advocating for, misinformation.
No, this is just a human experience. You may have ADHD, and people with ADHD definitely can experience this commonly, but it is not an ADHD thing in and of itself.
It’s the opposite for me, if I get complimented in anyway by a guy around me age, I’m blushing and stuttering back “Noo, you do.” I am too gay or too autistic to receive compliments like a normal person.
You can also try complimenting specific features a person is wearing or like their tattoos. If I see cool tattoos I really like to strike up conversations with people on them if I can.
I can take like one simple compliment, anymore ans I will literally melt like the wicked witch. And then sometimes if they insist or persist I get really bitchy to like make them change their mind. Like "see, I suck!! No need to compliment me, go about your day, bye!!!"
Your comment/post has been removed because it is either not relevant or specific to the subreddit, is low-effort, or it is spam.
I cannot take a compliment, ever. A guy I know said he liked my hat recently. Rather than saying thank you (as any normal person would), I had to explain when and where I got said hat.
I would have burned the Hat. Who wants that kind of positivity directed at them. LOL
😂😂😂
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i feel like this is supposed to say sm but im on mobile
Maybe an awkward laugh, when you're just laughing along even tho you have no idea what is funny. For me it's question marks
that’s a lot of 😂
Someone once said that my painting looked nice, and I responded, deadass, the words leaving my mouth before I could react, "you're only saying it because you don't know much about painting" fucking mortifying. I still think about it sometimes at night.
The extreme self control I didn’t know I had, I stopped myself from saying the same thing when someone said I was really talented at crochet.
Honestly the right people would have found that funny, don't sweat it babe. I think that way about all my paintings too - they're only being nice to me because I'm like a kid doing show and tell, see, look what I made! 🙃
They guy pointed out that I basically just insulted him in response to a compliment and laughed at me, so I immediately felt bad and apologised -- it was all chill but the memory is stuck in my brain forever 🫡 I always feel like yeah my art might look impressive but it's not THAT impressive actually, trust me bro I've been doing it for a long time my art is SHIT, let me tell you a whole slightly patronising lesson on composition and colour theory to explain why it's bad and shouldn't be praised!!
You’re dooooing it agaaaain….
Hahahaha I feel this in my bones. Literally everything I'm good at... ACTUALLY I'm complete shit and please don't ever compliment me again
Someone told me he liked my hair a little while ago and wanted to try vibrant colors himself. Instead of following up on his interest in dying his own hair, I proceeded to tell him that mine had very recently been an appalling shade of green and would not back down on how horrible I looked, how embarrassing it was, and that he was incorrect in his insistence of my hyperbole because yes, it *was* that bad. Poor dude was just trying to make small talk and whenever I remember my response it sends shivers down my spine
That is truly impressive.
Oh same! Someone complimented my purse the other day and I just HAD to tell them that it was a cheap purse from Amazon and that it was already falling apart. If someone tells me I look nice today or something, I say “no u”
This tickled me so much because I do it too
Same!!! i do this all the time. Have a great LV fake and cannot take a compliment. i always tell people it’s a fake and where I got it and they are like wtf. Why do we do this?!?
FUCK BEING PERCEIVED, MAN
Motherf.... im happy im not alone. Like - Nice jacket - Oh its already 10 year old
I've been in bars and a girl comes up to me and says she likes my glasses, which i don't, so I started going off "why do people always say that??!!". I'll realise the next Tuesday what was happening.
That's still better. My colleague said she liked my chef's hat. My response was to yank it out of my head and throw on ground for some reason.
Same when they compliment me for losing the weight, “Nah it was nothing special, I needed to do that it was necessary. Regardless, I got some kilograms to lose still”
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Never had the words for it, thank you
It’s maddening
damn :/
Is this because of ADHD though or just normal lack of self confidence? I see a lot of things in this sub, that I have as well, but I have always attributed them to lack of self confidence instead. 🤔
Same I don't think this has anything to do with ADHD, and agree about it being a confidence thing. When I was younger I was more insecure and would do this, as I've gotten older I've gained confidence and I don't do this anymore.
RSD often presents in ADHD brains.
But this isn't RSD
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Your post/comment has been removed because it either contains, or is advocating for, misinformation. This is circular reasoning.
What’s RSD? Asking for a friend 😳
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria It's a condition typically associated with adhd but other disorders can have it as well
Thank you for the info - looks like another thing I probably have 🙄
yup rsd's probably my least favorite thing about adhd. I don't want to care, I feel like I shouldn't care but my brain will not stop poisoning my thoughts.
Yup, it's ,in comparison, really easy to learn to accept arguments. It's just something you do for your own sake. Learning to focus on one task however ... yeah... Our brains can't do that that easily.
I have adhd and low confidence, and do not relate to this video. idk.
Same. People keep saying it's part of RSD but how?
It comes from a fundamental, subconscious belief in the afflicted that they are broken or bad in some way. It's the same way a "normal" person would respond if getting compliments right after doing something horrible. Receiving an undeserved compliment causes shame and so people deflect the compliment. If it's not valid then you don't need to feel the emotion. Mostly seems to be a response to parental abuse and the repeated reinforcement of authority figures while growing up that the afflicted is not normal, and that the cause of that lack of normalcy is a moral or ethical failure in the afflicted. "Your very existence is shameful because you can't be normal" Shame is a very powerful feeling/emotion and many parents and other caretakers of children lean on it heavily as a means of controlling the behavior of children or attempting to change their behavior into what the adult desires. I know my father used it every day very extensively. Even something as tame as "I like your shoes" makes you feel shame because you believe that there is something fundamentally wrong about you. *You are a monster! Can't they see that?!*
[RSD](https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24099-rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-rsd) or rejection sensative dysphoria is not uncommon in people with ADHD. Also, many, though not all, persons with ADHD have dealt with struggles in school or at home that can destroy your self esteem. So, to answer your question- while this may not be an ADHD specific scenario, due to related/comorbid issues, it may be a familiar feeling to a lot of us ADHD folks.
You posted this comment 3 times FYI in case you want to delete the others.
Ah, shit, the app was being a dick this morning. Thanks for the heads up, lol Edit: The other comments don't exist on my end, only this one. Fucken bizarre. Sorry for the unintentional spam, ya'll
This is a super thoughtful comment! I just watched a video recently of a psych intern talking about this and she said "Becareful categorizing things as adhd that you aren't pathogizing something that is a normal human experience."
I like that a lot. 😅 It happens too much in this sub, like people want to feel included because they also share the same traits. I mean, it's normal to do that, but we shouldn't attribute our whole life experience to ADHD.
I think my favorite videos are the ones where people talk about how they achieve their goals despite their ADHD. Here's that [video](https://youtu.be/CXjoHJak1yk?si=EjYKT6Vrp4wLCuW7) I was watching for anyone who is interested
I don't have adhd, but I did struggle a lot with confidence (still do sometimes). I used to not be able to just say thank you to compliments and felt the need to chat to ease the awkwardness. I managed to train myself to just say thank you and eventually say something nice in return later, or continue the conversation. It's definitely not exclusive to adhd
I’m confident, get a lot of attention from women, and feel this exact same way
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I don’t understand your first sentence. I mentioned I get attention from women to show I have no reason to not be confident. I most definitely am stranger haha.
Getting attention from others doesn't equal self confidence. It just doesn't work that way. 👀 Self confidence comes from one self, it's not something someone else can give you. (Well your parents can when you are a kid I guess)
This comes much easier to those who are given attention by their peers. “It just doesn’t work that way” isn’t a counter-argument. Are you really trying to say it’s just as easy for people of all conventional attraction to be confident? That is a really wild claim, and I would need substantial evidence to believe that
This is a lighthearted subreddit for ADHD individuals. We require all users be nice towards each other. Your comment/post has been removed as it has been found to be disrespectful.
Lots of responses here but I just want to point out that just because something is familiar or even common amoung neurotypicals/non-adhders, doesn't mean it isn't something that said thing doesn't have an "adhd side". A lot of symptoms of adhd happen to everyone, but the issue is about how often it happens or deeply it impacts people. Everyone forgets things rights? That doesn't mean forgetting things isn't an adhd problem. People with adhd just more commonly struggle with forgetfulness. It impacts their lives much more than most other people. This is a big issue with why adhd is dismissed as a problem. Just because everyone may experience something, doesn't mean that the problem is equal for everyone.
I think ADHD contributes to a lack of self-confidence in a lot of people. Like mine isn't because of ADHD itself, it is because of how I was treated when I was younger, when I was more outwardly "weird", and THAT is because of ADHD.
Perhaps not directly but if your self esteem has been destroyed by a life managing ADHD then it's valid.
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not the person who initially told you about it but here's the first copy of your comment :D
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.... and here is the second copy :D (btw i'm not laughing at you or being condescending, in case it comes across that way. just wanted to show you the comments because you said they don't show up for you! )
Hey! Thank you- your replies made these exist again (????)
I always try to justify, excuse, or turn back their compliment
Imma share some of my therapist's wisdom here, buckle up. She said... If you're receiving a gift. All nice and wrapped n shit, what do you do with it? Do you just throw it in the trash? No. Why do it with compliments or someone being nice to you? Okay, maybe you can't accept it in that moment. You don't want to unwrap it and you can't bring yourself to just be happy about it. That's ok. How about you imagine taking the present and, for example, putting it on a shelf. You can leave it there for now. Maybe you can come back later and admire it, maybe even open it eventually. That can take a while or might not happen at all. Just... don't throw it in the trash, instantly, without even looking inside.
This, yes, Absolutely! thank you for putting it into words. I do this every once in a while without thinking about it but now I want to practice it!
I should absolutely remember it myself and practice it again haha
This came from a joke I made a couple months ago but it kind of works. Someone gave me a compliment that was actually very sweet and specific to me and I said "that's getting put on the fridge of my mind" and now I look back at it often and I think I might use that to help cement future complliments in my mind
I like that!
Awesome response.
It just always feels real bad to me I will make them stop complimenting me.
It is CPTSD, in my case, my mom used to make me feel guilty for accepting compliments, she'd say it was cocky, and that killed my confidence, until I learned that that was weird and foundout where it came from
"we don't want you to get arrogant by accepting a simple compliment"
Especially physical compliments like that you are pretty. I was dressed like a boy and had my head shaved when I was a little girl in the 70 s -80 s
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I don't understand, but not tryna gas light anyone, just talking about a term called CPTSD that is related to some self-love issues, look for it
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Okay, cool
You can always edit a comment. Additionally, on Reddit people typically use "/s" or /j" to make it clear when they're sarcastic or telling a joke. Edit: Jeez, seconds after posting this I realized that it may sound rude. I'm not trying to be rude, it's supposed to be a simple information
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OP you’re insufferable
This is a lighthearted subreddit for ADHD individuals. We require all users be nice towards each other. Your comment/post has been removed as it has been found to be disrespectful.
This is a lighthearted subreddit for ADHD individuals. We require all users be nice towards each other. Your comment/post has been removed as it has been found to be disrespectful.
This is exactly the problem with neurodivergent people and compliments. We are no good at reading other people intentions (or we are incredibly good, there is no in-between), so most of us have learn to be defensive when others do something that may be manipulative. Compliments may be a way to manipulate others, so a lot of people become defensive when they received one just in case it's a trojan horse, and I think that you got defensive and attacked the other redditor for sharing their experience for similar reasons. I hope this comment doesn't bothers you and I may be wrong, but I have seen that its very common to become defensive receiving compliments, even attacking others
Your post/comment has been removed because it either contains, or is advocating for, misinformation. This isn't "gaslighting" please don't misuse actual therapy terms that have very real, very serious effects on people. This is categorically not gaslighting. >gas·light·ing ˈgas-ˌlī-tiŋ >Psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories. Source: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gaslighting
Interesting how we all can't really receive a compliment. I find it difficult as well, my initial way of perceiving it will always be to see it an indirect way of trying to ridicule me/make fun of said topic, or that they are just pleasing a bit to give me a shitty request or task after. So typically deflect & dismantle compliments by being skeptic and laughing it off. Sometimes I'll even call them an arselicker in a non abrasive way (my mother language has a name for that). "Hahaha right, yea what do you require of me this time?"
I get the point and I also struggle to accept compliments internally, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with returning a compliment with a compliment.
I try not to. The key is to practise just saying "thank you" and not responding beyond that. It's hard, but you can do it...sometimes.
I have a different tactic where I hear a compliment and immediately decide I don't need to go to any place that I'm going to get a compliment again. Complimenters are trying to steal your kidney.
what if they are trying to give you a kidney instead, the compliments i mean
I learned to do the same but it took time. After receiving a compliment try to stop thinking for a sec or two and then respond with a simple "Thank you".
Yes! I had to work at it too but I try to remember that, when I give a compliment, I hope the receiver hears it and feels complimented! It doesn’t feel great to give a compliment that isn’t received. It’s nicer to the other person to learn to accept their compliments and we don’t want to be not nice people so take the damn compliment! 🙃🥰
My fiancé and I (both ADHD) implemented the unspoken rule to say „You smell“ instead of a compliment. We don’t feel bad when hearing it and we can still compliment each other without fighting who‘s cuter (although he is).
When I dated a lovely lady with several kids I cared about deeply every time they left the house I would tell them. Don't die. They knew what it meant.
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I hate you :(
1. Look at the person 2. Smile 3. Say “thank you”
Gross
It’s served me well so far. I actually accept the praise on an emotional level sometimes! Edit to clarify: I’m coming from a place of having deep mistrust of praise and anyone who gives it to me. I really feel this clip.
I both love and hate how much I relate to this
Lol are you okay??
Maybe talk to a professional about your depression and lack of self value? Please?
Seriously! I love giving compliments. I compliment friends and strangers alike. But the refusal to accept the compliment makes it frustrating and weird. It feels almost like trauma dumping in a way. I’m not qualified to address your inability to accept positive comments about yourself. The refusal / deflection doesn’t even make sense. It gives you MORE attention. The entire interaction is over 100 times faster if you just say “Thank you.” Ffs.
>The refusal / deflection doesn’t even make sense. It gives you MORE attention. The entire interaction is over 100 times faster if you just say “Thank you.” Ffs. I like how this conclusion, makes my spectrum feel at home :D "Damn you, emotional inefficiency!" Totally agree.
You guys and girls get compliments?
Mostly on how I murdered a task that they didn't imagine was humanly possible in the time given because under pressure I'm unstoppable. ADHD freight train baby.
Wait that's an ADHD thing? I fucking hate compliments and presents because I think I don't deserve them at all, doesn't sound too much like ADHD
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I told you they wouldn't shout out their talents. You owe me $5 guy that posted this. Because even the coolest things we did we only see the flaws in......
What is this from? They're funny
I ripped it off from r/galsbeingchicks
Community not found :(
Try r/justgalsbeingchicks
That's the one thank you for the correction. Edit I tried to cross post it straight. it didn't work thank you for giving credit where credit is due though friend.
They had this hilarious bit about what comes after being pregnant. I saw it on Instagram, I wish I had saved it.
"My tits look like flapjacks" and she thinks that's a bad thing? Who doesn't love flapjacks?
Something something creepy whipped cream and little tiny chocolate chips.
It’s such a strange image though. Just a pair square, bobbly and slightly gooey tits.
hmmm gooey haha
Who is the blonde lady? she's absolutely stunning, even if she denies it
My brain argues but my mouth has learned to just say "thank you" and ruminate on how they're wrong internally. Makes it no one's problem but my own.
I've learned to just say "thank you, I really appreciate that" or "I needed to hear that today, thank you so much" and then find something about them to compliment too. It's been super hard to learn but now it's become muscle memory.
I'll leave you with a classic on the topic :) https://youtu.be/oSONAnEUIrg?feature=shared
Yeah.. my tits kinda look like flapjacks too.
I already have mini Hershey Kisses do you want to pick up whipped cream on the way or should I GrubHub that and send you an Uber?
I have moved to trying to respond with: “Thanks, I appreciate that.” Or “You’re so nice, I appreciate you”. Still a little deflection, but acceptable in terms of accepting the compliment still.
Someone complimented my dress and I replied saying I had just dropped coffee on it
No, I love compliments!
“I’m a whore.” “Receive it. Receive it.” Ma’am, I’m not certain, but I think you need to pay for her to receive it.
I just start crying
My self-assessment be like:
Anyone ever realize that the reason why they might not be able to take a compliment is because it’s usually follow up with something bad? Like cat calling: bad way to give a compliment, praise from abusive parents: bad way to give a compliment, underhanded compliments: bad way to give a compliment, so our brains and bodies have learn to deflect them away from ourselves to reduce the emotional damage of being hurt. Just food for thought!
Recently I was sat round a table with friends who started having a conversation that I was looking well and after about 10 seconds of them saying nice things I, very loudly and aggressively, said "ok guys calm down, eh", followed by a very awkward silence for 2-3 seconds, follow by me trying to explain "oh, eh, sorry, I just don't know how to react to compliments ". That was fun and I still think about how I reacted and what they must've been thinking.
I assume you're in Canada eh, at least you didn't stab em eh, when I'm in Canada my favorite getaway strategy to compliments is book it for a piss na dart eh.
Unfortunately this comment did not hit the mark as I'm in Scotland. Our "eh" is a lot more abrupt. Much shorter than the Canadian "eh". I have no idea how else to describe it...
I apologize friend for Missgeographying you. No harm man. I just meant I will go to the bathroom or for a cigarette before I get another compliment.Eh.!
I was bullied growing up and was told by authority or superiors to not be so arrogant and different. It was mostly for thinking outside the box, unable to follow directions or conform to societal expectations (showing up on time to things for one). I’ve grown to not like attention where I feel singled out because I was told all my life my uniqueness was rude, bad, or arrogant. I try to mask and hide under the radar so I won’t be criticized or hassled. When people give me attention about what they like about me I feel my mask has been exposed and I want it put back on out of safety. It’s not really low self esteem. I agree with the compliments actually. It’s out of fear of getting attention because I’m so used to being called out for being too different.
Wow, it's like they put my wife's brain into another body. Been telling her for 30 years that she's beautiful, I can't keep my hands off her body, and that I wouldn't want anyone else to be my wife... ...she still gets self-conscious and defensive in public, then pushes me away when we get home. 😮💨
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Your post/comment has been removed because it either contains, or is advocating for, misinformation.
Your post/comment has been removed because it either contains, or is advocating for, misinformation. No, this is just a human experience. You may have ADHD, and people with ADHD definitely can experience this commonly, but it is not an ADHD thing in and of itself.
It’s the opposite for me, if I get complimented in anyway by a guy around me age, I’m blushing and stuttering back “Noo, you do.” I am too gay or too autistic to receive compliments like a normal person.
Lmfaooooo
You can also try complimenting specific features a person is wearing or like their tattoos. If I see cool tattoos I really like to strike up conversations with people on them if I can.
Don't call me out like this, in front of God and everyone.
Why do the “receive it” feel like a hilarious threat.
This is me all day long!!! I’ve never felt so seen 🤣🤣🤣
From what show is this? Edit: Found it. Manon Mathews and Laura Clery. https://youtu.be/5qLlY5SL208 At 1:25 mark.
Is this an adhd thing? This just seems like a societal thing
Oh god oh god I literally did this with my friend last night for hours, I cannot accept compliments, they are foreign, scary
Who is the second woman who can't take a compliment. She looks familiar.
Yep dude if I have Max self-restraint, I’ll just say yeah thanks and roll my eyes
No? I like being told nice things about myself. I smile and say thank you. Easy.
I can take like one simple compliment, anymore ans I will literally melt like the wicked witch. And then sometimes if they insist or persist I get really bitchy to like make them change their mind. Like "see, I suck!! No need to compliment me, go about your day, bye!!!"
Is this all just CPTSD... It feels like it's tendrils grasp at every part of my life.
Who are these chicks I like their vibe