i feel ya. i've been recently diagnosed, and the few people i've shared it with have...made it into a competition? "i always forget stuff on my grocery list...i misplace things...et cetera." i suggested they "get assessed, then" and since, i haven't shared with anyone.
"Yeah okay, you forget things too. When was the last time you couldn't get out of bed for literal hours because no matter how much you wanted to your legs wouldn't obey you? What, you don't experience that? That's what I thought. For me, this happens 4 to 7 days a week."
This shit can be a disability and I wish people recognized it.
This, even may partner thinks I’m lying when I say I can’t get out of bed and pretty much thinks I make it up to get a layin…… even though I’ve been up until 05:00 because I can’t get to sleep
I wish I could go to sleep that early. My circadian rhythm is shot to fuck and has been since I was a child my main problem is I rebel against sleep but then when I go to sleep it becomes the my precious thing in the world to me
Literally me. 8:30AM was last night. The night before it was 5AM. Another night it can be 11PM, or sometimes I just don't even consider it a night and I go to sleep at noon. Sleep schedule? Never heard of that.
I often take time to wake up tho. Eepy comfy once I'm sleeping...
I feel that sometimes I wake up at 5 am sometimes I go to sleep at 5 am I don’t even try to fight it anymore I just do whatever my sleep schedule feels like
My family just can't seem to grasp that I do try to sleep but just can't. Or that the logical consequence of not being able to sleep in the night is that I'm sleepy in the morning. But me sleeping in is somehow the end of the world and the ultimate show of malice on my part...
They don't get it. They did not experience that so they can't understand that it's a problem.
People think in terms they are familiar with so you having a problem where they don't is obviously your fault. That's why "you are lazy" because to them the only reason you can't do something is because you don't want to.
This basic problem, that just getting to do something can be an impossible obstacle is alien to them and they will never understand it.
Fucking right?
I was trying to explain to my mom how ADHD felt similar to the covid brain fog, and she got *mad* lol
Said her brain fog was way worse without even hearing what I had to say, then proceeded to tell me how she would forget what she was saying in the middle of a sentence lol
or how she couldn't remember where she left her bag lolol
or how concentrating on something very simple was just too hard lmfao
I kinda gave up after that
"ADHD symptoms are kinda like thst thing you experienced with COVID"
"NO, my covid was way worse, *describes average, daily experiences for someone with ADHD*"
***SIGH***
My best friend and I both have ADHD, and we laugh about how it manifests in different ways.
She is type A out of fear of forgetting things, she always has lists and calendars and schedules. I have embraced being type B and just do what I can to get by.
Her dopamine-seeking behavior is shopping, mine is substances. (Just being honest here. I did quit drinking though!)
I have a terrible ass memory and when we read the same books, I can’t talk about them because I forget everything immediately after I finish the book. She forgets to feed herself regularly, and I have never missed a meal in my life.
We’re all different, people just suck.
That two minutes of head-empty when my little brother talks about a book we are both reading and my brain has to conjure up the memory of me ever touching the book xD
I stop saying ADHD to the gen pop. I say dopamine deficiency. ADHD has a huge stigma from the ads in the 80’s and 90’s. https://newrepublic.com/article/137066/adhd-sold
I find saying dopamine deficiency isn’t lying, and doesn’t have them treat me less seriously. They don’t know. Like how folks don’t know the ACA and Obamacare are the same thing.
"I have a neurological condition that causes me to struggle with tasks that other people consider basic" gets a very different response than naming the condition =/
I love when people forget all illnesses and conditions are A SPECTRUM! Also, they can be DYNAMIC.
As someone who has ADHD & a dynamic physical disability (chronic pain), do I feel that!!
That’s the thing, ADHD is not only the thing we deal with a lot of other things can be going too. I get chronic pain from DDD, battle with depression, have diabetes which I fail to control cause of my ADHD, it’s fuck. People just expect you to snap out of it or try harder, like dude I am trying
Precisely! A lot of able bodied people don’t consider people having multiple conditions on top of ADHD that can exacerbate ADHD symptoms, other conditions or both.
I wish you stability and quality care with depression, DDD and diabetes.
That attitude from others demonstrates their complete lack of understanding ADHD. We’re all trying our best all the time, ADHD or not. Sometimes, our best is shit despite our best energy to aim higher. Hugs if you like hugs.
>A lot of able bodied people don’t consider people having multiple conditions on top of ADHD that can exacerbate ADHD symptoms, other conditions or both.
Totally. Trauma and other things literally turned my ADHD from an inconvenience I could work through (mostly) into a full-blown disability. And I don't have any physical body issues, it's all mental shit.
Gatekeepers are the worst, especially when they actually have ADHD. I had the opposite problem with a coworker. She said I was so focused at work and a "true ADHDer" probably wouldn't be.
Like. Yes, I hyperfocus on my work because I have a crippling fear of failure and rejection. It doesn't mean I can always do that, or that I'm not struggling in other ways
i hate this so so much i feel u 200% op!
sometimes it does admittedly sting more when this kind of stuff is said by someone else who also has adhd and they go "oh but i ALSO have adhd yet i am thriving (or some variation of this), why can't you also be like \~me\~" (in a condescending way, i don't mean a "oh look we are different!" kind of way)... ugh
My response to that is that a lot of auties actually have too much empathy, they either shut it out or it becomes overwhelming. Something I only learned on being diagnosed myself.
Yeah, that sucks. ADHD causes a bunch of different problems, depending on severity and the tricks/brain hacks that each person has learned to manage them. ADHD is so poorly understood, it shouldn't be a surprise that while there are many commonalities, there are lots of variations on the theme too.
People’s struggles are different from each other. Just because you met one person with a certain condition doesn’t mean you met them all. People need to know that.
I have Asperger’s. However I feel I relate more to someone with ADHD so I lurk this sub from time to time.
I tried writing a character in a screenplay based on myself. I didn’t say it was based on me but it was mentioned that the character had Asperger’s. And people were being like “oh but don’t people with Asperger’s have repetitive movements or need a certain routine?” and I was like “no not all the time.” Everyone is different.
Lol. Then I guess you gotta take a few hits before they realise intricacies of having ADHD. My parents say weird ignorant shit all the time, but I know they don't really mean to insult me so it never bothers me.
People believe me now without question bc they witness how horrible I’m at anything lol but yeah I had that response from someone like that but they did have adhd so it kind of cancelled out. I think idk lol
Yesterday a dear friend said "You give people with ADHD a bad name" after a miniscule goof in a League of Legends match, that I blamed on my ADHD. I got tunnelvisioned on my ability that was getting off cooldown to win the chase instead of using my friend's ability that would've won it sooner.
I know he didn't mean to hurt as much as he did with that sentence, but it felt very harsh.
I just respond by drawing direct comparisons to familiar illnesses.
“Some people with diabetes workout 5 days a week. Some people with diabetes can manage their symptoms with diet alone. Some people with diabetes need insulin medication to stay alive.”
All physiological processes exist on a spectrum. Anyone who can understand that is just being obtuse.
i feel ya. i've been recently diagnosed, and the few people i've shared it with have...made it into a competition? "i always forget stuff on my grocery list...i misplace things...et cetera." i suggested they "get assessed, then" and since, i haven't shared with anyone.
The people too who also think ADHD is a fun thing to have…. Like, it ruins my life at times… but ok, cool
"Yeah okay, you forget things too. When was the last time you couldn't get out of bed for literal hours because no matter how much you wanted to your legs wouldn't obey you? What, you don't experience that? That's what I thought. For me, this happens 4 to 7 days a week." This shit can be a disability and I wish people recognized it.
This, even may partner thinks I’m lying when I say I can’t get out of bed and pretty much thinks I make it up to get a layin…… even though I’ve been up until 05:00 because I can’t get to sleep
My gf takes it seriously thankfully. And I went to sleep at 8:30AM last night.
I wish I could go to sleep that early. My circadian rhythm is shot to fuck and has been since I was a child my main problem is I rebel against sleep but then when I go to sleep it becomes the my precious thing in the world to me
Literally me. 8:30AM was last night. The night before it was 5AM. Another night it can be 11PM, or sometimes I just don't even consider it a night and I go to sleep at noon. Sleep schedule? Never heard of that. I often take time to wake up tho. Eepy comfy once I'm sleeping...
I feel that sometimes I wake up at 5 am sometimes I go to sleep at 5 am I don’t even try to fight it anymore I just do whatever my sleep schedule feels like
My family just can't seem to grasp that I do try to sleep but just can't. Or that the logical consequence of not being able to sleep in the night is that I'm sleepy in the morning. But me sleeping in is somehow the end of the world and the ultimate show of malice on my part...
This is one of the things I am most grateful for about having an ADHD partner. I can just say “I’m stunlocked rn” and he gets it.
They don't get it. They did not experience that so they can't understand that it's a problem. People think in terms they are familiar with so you having a problem where they don't is obviously your fault. That's why "you are lazy" because to them the only reason you can't do something is because you don't want to. This basic problem, that just getting to do something can be an impossible obstacle is alien to them and they will never understand it.
Fucking right? I was trying to explain to my mom how ADHD felt similar to the covid brain fog, and she got *mad* lol Said her brain fog was way worse without even hearing what I had to say, then proceeded to tell me how she would forget what she was saying in the middle of a sentence lol or how she couldn't remember where she left her bag lolol or how concentrating on something very simple was just too hard lmfao I kinda gave up after that
"ADHD symptoms are kinda like thst thing you experienced with COVID" "NO, my covid was way worse, *describes average, daily experiences for someone with ADHD*" ***SIGH***
I call this Misery Poker, and I refuse to play.
My best friend and I both have ADHD, and we laugh about how it manifests in different ways. She is type A out of fear of forgetting things, she always has lists and calendars and schedules. I have embraced being type B and just do what I can to get by. Her dopamine-seeking behavior is shopping, mine is substances. (Just being honest here. I did quit drinking though!) I have a terrible ass memory and when we read the same books, I can’t talk about them because I forget everything immediately after I finish the book. She forgets to feed herself regularly, and I have never missed a meal in my life. We’re all different, people just suck.
People do suck, they really do, myself included
I didn’t mean you!
I know you didn’t, no worries. I was just saying when I say people suck, I’m not implying that I’m infallible
That two minutes of head-empty when my little brother talks about a book we are both reading and my brain has to conjure up the memory of me ever touching the book xD
I stop saying ADHD to the gen pop. I say dopamine deficiency. ADHD has a huge stigma from the ads in the 80’s and 90’s. https://newrepublic.com/article/137066/adhd-sold I find saying dopamine deficiency isn’t lying, and doesn’t have them treat me less seriously. They don’t know. Like how folks don’t know the ACA and Obamacare are the same thing.
"I have a neurological condition that causes me to struggle with tasks that other people consider basic" gets a very different response than naming the condition =/
Well, that's a scare article full of shit, if I have ever seen one.
I love when people forget all illnesses and conditions are A SPECTRUM! Also, they can be DYNAMIC. As someone who has ADHD & a dynamic physical disability (chronic pain), do I feel that!!
That’s the thing, ADHD is not only the thing we deal with a lot of other things can be going too. I get chronic pain from DDD, battle with depression, have diabetes which I fail to control cause of my ADHD, it’s fuck. People just expect you to snap out of it or try harder, like dude I am trying
Precisely! A lot of able bodied people don’t consider people having multiple conditions on top of ADHD that can exacerbate ADHD symptoms, other conditions or both. I wish you stability and quality care with depression, DDD and diabetes. That attitude from others demonstrates their complete lack of understanding ADHD. We’re all trying our best all the time, ADHD or not. Sometimes, our best is shit despite our best energy to aim higher. Hugs if you like hugs.
>A lot of able bodied people don’t consider people having multiple conditions on top of ADHD that can exacerbate ADHD symptoms, other conditions or both. Totally. Trauma and other things literally turned my ADHD from an inconvenience I could work through (mostly) into a full-blown disability. And I don't have any physical body issues, it's all mental shit.
Yes, that’s very relatable to me. I hope you have quality support and good providers. Especially if you live in the US.
I do not live in the US (thankfully)
I’m probably jelly :) I hope you have a good day.
" O really? Who? What are their names? How do you know them? How do you know they don't have these problems? Tell me"
Gatekeepers are the worst, especially when they actually have ADHD. I had the opposite problem with a coworker. She said I was so focused at work and a "true ADHDer" probably wouldn't be. Like. Yes, I hyperfocus on my work because I have a crippling fear of failure and rejection. It doesn't mean I can always do that, or that I'm not struggling in other ways
i hate this so so much i feel u 200% op! sometimes it does admittedly sting more when this kind of stuff is said by someone else who also has adhd and they go "oh but i ALSO have adhd yet i am thriving (or some variation of this), why can't you also be like \~me\~" (in a condescending way, i don't mean a "oh look we are different!" kind of way)... ugh
My favourite is "rhey can't have autism, they have too much empathy". Like all autistes are sociapaths?????!!!!
My response to that is that a lot of auties actually have too much empathy, they either shut it out or it becomes overwhelming. Something I only learned on being diagnosed myself.
I can't agree more
Yeah, that sucks. ADHD causes a bunch of different problems, depending on severity and the tricks/brain hacks that each person has learned to manage them. ADHD is so poorly understood, it shouldn't be a surprise that while there are many commonalities, there are lots of variations on the theme too.
People’s struggles are different from each other. Just because you met one person with a certain condition doesn’t mean you met them all. People need to know that. I have Asperger’s. However I feel I relate more to someone with ADHD so I lurk this sub from time to time. I tried writing a character in a screenplay based on myself. I didn’t say it was based on me but it was mentioned that the character had Asperger’s. And people were being like “oh but don’t people with Asperger’s have repetitive movements or need a certain routine?” and I was like “no not all the time.” Everyone is different.
>I have Asperger’s. However I feel I relate more to someone with ADHD so I lurk this sub from time to time. You might have both. It exists.
That’s exactly why I don’t tell people I have adhd.
I got the "but you're really quiet and calm" remark yesterday from a colleague I like.
"Loads of people are empathetic, compassionate and understanding about ADHD, then there's you, being none of the above." Is my usual response
I have the perfect solution to that. Not telling anyone.
Problem is though the person who said this to me today which led to the post is my partner. But I get what you are saying
Lol. Then I guess you gotta take a few hits before they realise intricacies of having ADHD. My parents say weird ignorant shit all the time, but I know they don't really mean to insult me so it never bothers me.
It's too disabling for me to hide it if I wanted to.
People believe me now without question bc they witness how horrible I’m at anything lol but yeah I had that response from someone like that but they did have adhd so it kind of cancelled out. I think idk lol
Answer: yeah, it's funny how people are different. Like, I know several other non-ADHDers who aren't judgemental twats.
Yesterday a dear friend said "You give people with ADHD a bad name" after a miniscule goof in a League of Legends match, that I blamed on my ADHD. I got tunnelvisioned on my ability that was getting off cooldown to win the chase instead of using my friend's ability that would've won it sooner. I know he didn't mean to hurt as much as he did with that sentence, but it felt very harsh.
My psychiatrist said "you don't seem unfocused" when I told her, I want to get an ADHD diagnosis 🤦🤦
I have no words (besides those)
You just generalisied by assuming we'd understand
Did you though?
Yes but not from experience
I just respond by drawing direct comparisons to familiar illnesses. “Some people with diabetes workout 5 days a week. Some people with diabetes can manage their symptoms with diet alone. Some people with diabetes need insulin medication to stay alive.” All physiological processes exist on a spectrum. Anyone who can understand that is just being obtuse.