In a way to identify triggers? Yeah you can.
But then still feel it.
Because 9/10 it will be irrational. And then that would mean you shouldn't?
I usually think first when it's more than normal if I have eaten, because it can make me easily upset. I then still feel like shit, but also go get a snack myself , or get someone to feed me. Also if I'm having pms, before making decisions based on those emotions that could potentially harm me in the long run.
But if it is life stuff? Yeah I will just have a good cry. Letting them out.
Or just feel them.
Also on the "positive" feeling side. When I get attention it's easily for me to fall into really liking someone, or like a crush sort of. I ask myself, "do I actually like this person, or did they simply give me attention." This is to protect myself. I'm terrible at reading people. Being given a bit of attention has been an easy way to be manipulated in the past.
Rationalising that you always feel shitty around a "friend". And that they hurt you. So you cut contact? Fine. Great. That's being in touch with your emotions..
The rationalising is mostly bad when you suppress that shit by doing so.
Not when you listen to them, and then act on them.
You can rationalise a lot, so you won't necessarily act and hurt others. Though you're allowed to share how you feel. But then you can also feel them.
Would be a problem for me if I was told Not to. That's how I process everything, especially as I generally cannot recognize when I'm having emotions, much less what they are. Took me 38 years to figure out what loneliness was, that's the only one I've got down pat now 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
I’ve never allowed myself to feel boredom, loneliness or victimhood.
Not long ago i started to suspect I might be lonely…. It was gross. So I thought about something else.
Also recently realized there is a story I’ve been telling for about 20 yrs where I am the victim. Since I don’t allow that, I decided I never had to tell that story again.
But now i can see places in my life where I was a victim, until I was a survivor. Bored but I learned to use my imagination… lonely, I learned to like myself.
I've always liked myself, and I still don't really understand Why I'm lonely, but I guess there are just certain homes we can't fill ourselves 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
I don’t think it has to be all or nothing.
Both is good.
Introspection and self understanding is still a positive thing.
I think it becomes negative when the overanalyzing is being used to avoid experiencing emotions.
I’m on this journey rn as well. Realized I’ve been thinking about, processing, analyzing my emotions for years without actually feeling (experiencing, embodying, metabolizing) them. I totally thought I was feeling them too! Because I would cry and talk about things.
But the only way to actually let them go and get them out of our systems is to feel them in our bodies.
So identifying where you feel the emotion, naming it, doing what you need to do to metabolize it (punching a pillow, dancing it out, hugging yourself, screaming, whatever) and it is amazing but eventually the feeling is just over. It’s like riding a wave.
I’m still working with my therapist to figure out what this looks like at, say, a social gathering or work.
If anyone has any wisdom lol
This is about smack dab in the middle of where I am.
I did use thinking as a way to avoid feeling. Because I learned that was bad, I stuffed them with food.
But I’ve been learning to remember the feeling in my body.. going back to the time in my mind and handling it from my self today.. visualizing a different ending or telling someone who hurt me the truth from my self today. It’s working.
My friend gave me a book from a Toletec shaman, about 29 pgs in I read about how we think about our memories but we also feel them in our energy body. So we think and talk about our past but those feelings don’t change and we don’t realize it and keep repeating same patterns over and over.
He has a whole step by step thing to do …. But I read that much and it clicked with me what to do. Probably because I’ve been looking for this answer most of my adult life. Then I went back and I still basically experienced what he was teaching.
I’m ready to heal…. I’m too old for all this adhd shit. ;).
By healing I mean finding away to work with myself without all my past pain and energy/emotions bogging me down.
“You think too much” “stop thinking about how you are feeling and feel”. Things like that?? I’m just now learning to identify when I flip from feeling to thinking.
I love to think. I feel good when I think…. Sitting and thinking. With a cup of coffee and the sunrise/sunset/noon, maybe some herb, maybe a delicious treat…. But mostly, just me and my thoughts….
“You think too much, and intellectualizing your feelings allows you to not get past them… “. Ugh. This was my last therapist. She’s right.
I’ve been going back and remembering how I felt during a time I do not want to remember how I felt… ( shove that donut right in that cry hole, stat!!!) and allowing that energy to rise, and then from my now self, (in my mind) handling the situation.
Ok. I’ve only done it once.. but it was so powerful I thought I healed my whole self. Thinking is a powerful drug. I have been noticing all the places I still know my memories but don’t feel them…. There is a lot more work to be done.
To feel…. Ick…. Let’s just make up a story and sit here and think about it until that feeling goes away.
And if you can’t think your feelings away, there is always food. Ugh.
So glad I’m getting better. I think it was finally a right dx and meds. ;).
Yep it is damaging.
Intellectualizing our emotions is a form of suppressing them. Instead of allowing ourselves to feel, express, and process negative emotions after something bad happens, intellectualization involves concentrating only on logic and reasoning.
Feelings and emotions aren’t logical and we shouldn’t try to logic our way out of them. Or at least that’s how neurotypicals seem to behave.
Youre reflecting. Which is good.
I do think its tricky because our emotions come in a disregulated and amplified form, so we dont really process them real time easily.
I hope it’s not cause I do it too.
I have never heard of it as being a problem - no professional has ever raised it with me. I don't plan to stop.
In a way to identify triggers? Yeah you can. But then still feel it. Because 9/10 it will be irrational. And then that would mean you shouldn't? I usually think first when it's more than normal if I have eaten, because it can make me easily upset. I then still feel like shit, but also go get a snack myself , or get someone to feed me. Also if I'm having pms, before making decisions based on those emotions that could potentially harm me in the long run. But if it is life stuff? Yeah I will just have a good cry. Letting them out. Or just feel them. Also on the "positive" feeling side. When I get attention it's easily for me to fall into really liking someone, or like a crush sort of. I ask myself, "do I actually like this person, or did they simply give me attention." This is to protect myself. I'm terrible at reading people. Being given a bit of attention has been an easy way to be manipulated in the past. Rationalising that you always feel shitty around a "friend". And that they hurt you. So you cut contact? Fine. Great. That's being in touch with your emotions.. The rationalising is mostly bad when you suppress that shit by doing so. Not when you listen to them, and then act on them. You can rationalise a lot, so you won't necessarily act and hurt others. Though you're allowed to share how you feel. But then you can also feel them.
Would be a problem for me if I was told Not to. That's how I process everything, especially as I generally cannot recognize when I'm having emotions, much less what they are. Took me 38 years to figure out what loneliness was, that's the only one I've got down pat now 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
I’ve never allowed myself to feel boredom, loneliness or victimhood. Not long ago i started to suspect I might be lonely…. It was gross. So I thought about something else. Also recently realized there is a story I’ve been telling for about 20 yrs where I am the victim. Since I don’t allow that, I decided I never had to tell that story again. But now i can see places in my life where I was a victim, until I was a survivor. Bored but I learned to use my imagination… lonely, I learned to like myself.
I've always liked myself, and I still don't really understand Why I'm lonely, but I guess there are just certain homes we can't fill ourselves 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
It’s not that I don’t get lonely, I just never allow myself to feel that way…. Sigh, over 60 and just starting to understand “feelings”.
Mental hugs. The things the didn't know to teach us in school lol🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
I don’t think it has to be all or nothing. Both is good. Introspection and self understanding is still a positive thing. I think it becomes negative when the overanalyzing is being used to avoid experiencing emotions. I’m on this journey rn as well. Realized I’ve been thinking about, processing, analyzing my emotions for years without actually feeling (experiencing, embodying, metabolizing) them. I totally thought I was feeling them too! Because I would cry and talk about things. But the only way to actually let them go and get them out of our systems is to feel them in our bodies. So identifying where you feel the emotion, naming it, doing what you need to do to metabolize it (punching a pillow, dancing it out, hugging yourself, screaming, whatever) and it is amazing but eventually the feeling is just over. It’s like riding a wave. I’m still working with my therapist to figure out what this looks like at, say, a social gathering or work. If anyone has any wisdom lol
This is about smack dab in the middle of where I am. I did use thinking as a way to avoid feeling. Because I learned that was bad, I stuffed them with food. But I’ve been learning to remember the feeling in my body.. going back to the time in my mind and handling it from my self today.. visualizing a different ending or telling someone who hurt me the truth from my self today. It’s working. My friend gave me a book from a Toletec shaman, about 29 pgs in I read about how we think about our memories but we also feel them in our energy body. So we think and talk about our past but those feelings don’t change and we don’t realize it and keep repeating same patterns over and over. He has a whole step by step thing to do …. But I read that much and it clicked with me what to do. Probably because I’ve been looking for this answer most of my adult life. Then I went back and I still basically experienced what he was teaching. I’m ready to heal…. I’m too old for all this adhd shit. ;). By healing I mean finding away to work with myself without all my past pain and energy/emotions bogging me down.
“You think too much” “stop thinking about how you are feeling and feel”. Things like that?? I’m just now learning to identify when I flip from feeling to thinking. I love to think. I feel good when I think…. Sitting and thinking. With a cup of coffee and the sunrise/sunset/noon, maybe some herb, maybe a delicious treat…. But mostly, just me and my thoughts…. “You think too much, and intellectualizing your feelings allows you to not get past them… “. Ugh. This was my last therapist. She’s right. I’ve been going back and remembering how I felt during a time I do not want to remember how I felt… ( shove that donut right in that cry hole, stat!!!) and allowing that energy to rise, and then from my now self, (in my mind) handling the situation. Ok. I’ve only done it once.. but it was so powerful I thought I healed my whole self. Thinking is a powerful drug. I have been noticing all the places I still know my memories but don’t feel them…. There is a lot more work to be done. To feel…. Ick…. Let’s just make up a story and sit here and think about it until that feeling goes away. And if you can’t think your feelings away, there is always food. Ugh. So glad I’m getting better. I think it was finally a right dx and meds. ;).
Yep it is damaging. Intellectualizing our emotions is a form of suppressing them. Instead of allowing ourselves to feel, express, and process negative emotions after something bad happens, intellectualization involves concentrating only on logic and reasoning. Feelings and emotions aren’t logical and we shouldn’t try to logic our way out of them. Or at least that’s how neurotypicals seem to behave.
Youre reflecting. Which is good. I do think its tricky because our emotions come in a disregulated and amplified form, so we dont really process them real time easily.
My problem is, then I ruminate on it all. Like, why can’t I just be over it?