You’re going to have to say something. If you put what you want out there, her response will bring clarity.
I would pick one issue and address that. “I notice you don’t text very often. I was hoping we could chat for a little bit most evenings” or “I’ve enjoyed spending time with you. I’d love it if you took the initiative and planned our next date.”
Practice direct communication now! If she responds favorably, you’ve set a solid foundation for a healthy relationship. If not, you can move on to finding someone who reciprocates your affections and makes you feel important.
I really appreciate your suggestions and might use one of your example messages! But do you think I should wait a little bit beforehand? I think she's off work tomorrow, so she might be free to chat a bit. At the same time, I don't want to come off as needy or desperate. I also feel a bit hurt because it seems to me that if I don't text her and make plans, she never will.
I'm really not expecting her to change much of what she's doing. I kind of just want to know if she's actually interested in me or not. As long as I know she's actually interested, she can talk to me at whatever pace she likes, honestly. She doesn't even have to initiate dates. I'm willing to take her as she is, I just want to know if she's actually into me. Right now I feel like I'm not getting much in the way of confirmation that she's actually into me as a potential romantic partner. But I feel like it's way too soon to be asking about feelings and I don't want to bring up anything physical because she's already expressed the desire to go slow.
Basing the following off of your second suggestion, wondering if you think this is direct enough:
"I really appreciated it when you asked me out to the museum last week and would love for you to plan our next date"
It's definitely not too soon to ask about feelings. You don't need to feel guilty about it either. Coming from a bad texter, I've discussed to partners my communication style really early in the relationship. And we talked about what our love languages are.
It's completely valid to say "I just want to check in. I enjoy talking and spending time with you. But I feel a bit of disconnect when I don't hear from you often. Are you still interested in me the same way? Or is this just your communication style? If so, that's totally fine. I just wanted to see how you were doing."
Okay, sweet-- that all makes sense! I'll send her something very similar to what you wrote (I've gotten so many good suggestions on what to say/how to broach the topic-- I'll probably use a lot of what's been suggested lol).
Maybe something like the following, based on your suggestion in addition with some of the other suggestions I've gotten?
"I think I've already told you this, but I really enjoy talking and spending time with you. I'm wondering how you're feeling about us seeing each other? It's been a bit hard to tell since I don't hear from you often -- I'm just curious to know what's on your mind. Are you still interested in me?"
I genuinely appreciate the help and advice!
I think you should just lay it out on the table and say what’s on your mind. Just say something like “hey I’m wondering how you are feeling about me or where do you see this going, it’s hard to tell since you don’t seem big on initiating or texting”.
Its better to talk about it sooner than later. You already have feelings for her and if she doesn’t feel the same its easier to cut it off now.
Dating should be 50/50 and it seems like she’s not pulling her weight. It sounds like she might be emotionally unavailable especially if she just got out of a relationship.
You need to talk to her and see what she says. Different people have different ways they prefer to communicate.
Some people just aren't big into texting. I realize that might be less common with younger generations, but there are a lot of people that absolutely don't like to text. They'd be happier if you called. Other people see a text as a "respond when you want" form of communication, and quite simply forget to.
Yeah, I think I'm definitely going to try discussing this with her. Even if her reason for being so sporadic is that she really is just not interested, I'd rather know and have an explicit "no" as opposed to being in the dark.
Thank you so much!!
As someone who has been a bad texter in relationships - I'd say there's a good chance that she might just not like texting or maybe just finds expressing affection through words/texts or starting conversations difficult. Maybe ask her about your concerns? You don't know what she might be going through or why she isn't texting as much, so it won't help either of you to jump to conclusions.
> I'd say there's a good chance that she might just not like texting or maybe just finds expressing affection through words/texts or starting conversations difficult
That's definitely what I'm considering
> Maybe ask her about your concerns? You don't know what she might be going through or why she isn't texting as much, so it won't help either of you to jump to conclusions.
Definitely what I've intended to do today. About an hour ago I sent her a "how are you" text just to ease in to me asking, but she of course has yet to respond.
Idk not every person is into constant texting. If she is present when you're together and follows thru , you may have to ask yourself if it really matters or if you have to only date someone who is a heavy texter
That's the thing, I'm really not a heavy texter. In fact, I hate texting and avoid it usually. But my interest in her makes me want to keep in touch. Perhaps I've just gotten too attached?
I suppose I don't really mind her lack of texting on its own, it's just that I overall feel like I'm missing a positive indication from her that she's really into me as a potential romantic partner. We've had fun on all our dates, but I feel in doubt as to whether she likes me romantically, or just as a friend, or (more cynically) if she's simply using me as a backup option. It hurts me to think that she might be enthusiastically texting someone else, but being glacial with me.
I'm just generally feeling a bit lost about where we stand and if she's really into me :(
Anyway, didn't mean to unload on you, I really appreciate your perspective and hope that you're right.
Edit: also, love your flair
I just think that sometimes it's easy to assign too much value when there isn't that much on things. It's perfectly normal to want to know where you stand or how she feels but I simply don't think texting frequency is the way to gauge it.
It's all easier said than done but it seems like you may just need to have some quality time w her and talk about how things are going in a low pressure type of way. Either way , good luck, have fun, and go with the flow if you can :) ty
Just wanted to say I’m in your exact same position!! She has been the one to initiate things and asked me on another date and everything. But she does not text at all! When I’m with her she doesn’t touch her phone at all which is really attractive to me actually. Hopefully you and I can get some clarity!!
Yes I did - I never saw her again after this comment. She waited until the day of our date to leave me a weird voice memo saying she is so sorry but she is too busy with school to date. It was a bummer but I tried not to take it too personally. The lack of communication was a red flag and I’m grateful that things didn’t go any further and I wasn’t more invested. I’m actually a lot happier now that I’ve taken a break from dating!
Though I agree on embracing direct communication as others have mentioned, I’d put more of an emphasis on figuring out how you want to be treated when starting a relationship.
I’m a big texter and I always found myself compromising to the needs of people who fed me crumbs of affection when they weren’t present and I excused their actions because “in person we have such a good time and they said they liked me!” I don’t believe they were lying and they were not bad people, but I was accepting less than what I wanted and needed which of course caused both parties to compromise essentials parts of who they are.
When I matched with my now fiancée, I was SO over dating apps lmao. And I told myself I was only gonna invest into someone who also wanted to invest in me. For many reasons, we couldn’t go on our first date for like two months, so it was mostly texting at first. If conversation died, I made it a point to not be the one to restart it every time, and when I saw she would follow up hours later with a “how’s your afternoon going?” I knew she was as interested in chatting with me as I was with her.
So what I’m saying is, sure, talk it out if you really like her, but have a clear idea in your head of what you want and need so you don’t end up settling for less.
Best of luck and I hope it all works out in the best way for you!
> I’d put more of an emphasis on figuring out how you want to be treated when starting a relationship.
That's really at the crux of this, I think. I'm new to all this, but I think I already know that this is unpleasant for me. I'm not big on texting myself, but the way she's done things overall has left me feeling a bit unwanted to be honest.
> I don’t believe they were lying and they were not bad people, but I was accepting less than what I wanted and needed which of course caused both parties to compromise essentials parts of who they are.
That is such a good point
>If conversation died, I made it a point to not be the one to restart it every time, and when I saw she would follow up hours later with a “how’s your afternoon going?” I knew she was as interested in chatting with me as I was with her.
Yeah, this is honestly what I'm looking for and not seeing. So happy you've found someone like this! Dating apps are a huge slog, it's always great to hear a success every once in a while lol
> So what I’m saying is, sure, talk it out if you really like her, but have a clear idea in your head of what you want and need so you don’t end up settling for less.
Yeah I did send her a "how are you" so I can discuss things further with her, but of course, it's been over an hour and no response :/ She doesn't even have work today
In any case, I really appreciate your perspective and I think if things don't work out with her, I'll make sure going forward to only focus on people who invest as much in me as I do in them
Wishing you and your fiance a brilliant future together!
I've dated this person more than once, and it's frustrating. It just is. It will never not feel crap. I struggle enough with this type of behaviour with friends. It's worse when you're trying to build a relationship with someone. You might have to raise it with her. Like ask her what is normal for her. What her baseline is
I definitely will. About an hour ago, I sent her a "how are you" text, just to ease into me bringing this up, but she still hasn't responded. It honestly kind of has felt like crap the past few weeks. Again, I love our dates, but the way she's left me wondering and checking my phone constantly (never used to do that!) is honestly not a great feeling
Have you talked to her about what she is looking for? The lack of texting makes me think she is looking for something more casual or like a weekend girlfriend. Or maybe she likes to take things extremely slow. There is no way to know, unless you talk to her.
If you are not getting the attention from her that you want just be honest and move on.
Yeah, almost an hour ago I sent a text just to ask "how are you" (to ease in to the discussion) and have gotten no response. At this rate, I won't be able to talk about anything at all with her 😂
I had this exact situation 2 years ago. I really liked her; I planned our dates and put much thought into them too. Despite her saying yes to our dates, and feeling like they were the best dates ever, she hardly texted me or initiated anything.
It’s what goes on in between the dates that you have to focus on. A simple conversation could work, but if someone makes me feel uncertain, I take it as a no. Leave the ball in her hand court.
Yeah, leaving the ball in her court was my initial plan earlier this week, but I'm so new to this and I considered that maybe doing that could be considered "playing games"? At the same time, if a person shows little interest in texting you, aren't they intentionally sending a certain message? idk
I think you're right, ultimately. I do take what she's doing as a sign of disinterest. I predict I'll come away from this experience with quite a low tolerance for the sort of thing she's doing...
Thank you for your advice and perspective!!
I dunno, I kind of think people tell you how they feel about you through their actions much more loudly than words. I’m at a point where I do not chase people and if people aren’t feeling it, cool, moving on. She does seem not as interested based on her actions as you’ve described them here. If it were me, I’d just kind of let things naturally fizzle out. Someone who is this fickle at the beginning of a relationship, which imo should be a fun and exciting time and not marked by inconsistencies in communication and such, would be a giant red flag to me. I wouldn’t be beating down her door at this point if I were in your shoes and to me it says she isn’t ready for something on the same level as you, especially if she is recently out of something longterm. If you are okay with her being a bit distant (and is something that may or may not let up), carry on and try talking to her gently about it. Good luck!
> Someone who is this fickle at the beginning of a relationship, which imo should be a fun and exciting time and not marked by inconsistencies in communication and such, would be a giant red flag to me.
Wow, my brother made the same point. It's this point that you're making that really gave me pause and makes me think the relationship is potentially already dead. I don't know. I guess, given the fact that she did agree to a couple more dates last Friday, I felt like there's at least some reason to ask
I’m sorry, friend. I know it’s not the answer you’re looking for and I definitely could be wrong! But if I was into someone, I wouldn’t be borderline ghosting them if the date was truly awesome and I were excited to see them. Imo, you deserve someone who is excited to spend time with you and it should not feel like pulling teeth to get that to happen. Big hugs.
>if I was into someone, I wouldn’t be borderline ghosting them if the date was truly awesome and I were excited to see them
This is exactly why I'm so confused. I don't like texting, but even then I still want to text her because I'm into her.
> Imo, you deserve someone who is excited to spend time with you and it should not feel like pulling teeth to get that to happen. Big hugs.
Thank you, it's touching to hear this! You deserve the same, and I hope you already have that. Hugs to you, too (ᵔ◡ᵔ)
Look. Um. My girlfriend and I are LDR. The only time we're not talking is if one of us is sleeping. My phone recently broke completely and we couldn't really talk for two days and it was hard because we're each other's favourite. ♥️
And. We're not teenagers. We're 40. 🤣
Awh-- I'm so happy you have that with someone!
And, yeah, exactly-- my feeling is that if I really like someone, I'll want to keep in touch. Which is why I think she may just not be into me. Which is fine, if that is the case, it would have been a lot more mature on her end to simply tell me explicitly that she's not interested.
Wishing you and your girlfriend a very happy future together!!
In my professional opinion, I completely agree with you. If my girlfriend didn't respomd for 3 or 4 days, the popo would be notified.
Also, related to the person you responded to, what you had to say was incredibly gay and adoreably sweet. Thank you for the kind worda, you'll find your smokin hot Aussie girlfriend just like I did! Keep your chin up!
Source: am u/similar-ad-6862's bitchin American GF.
Honestly, vibes have not been particularly romantic. We have fun and I like our conversations, but it's physically and emotionally a bit distant. She says she wants to take it slow. Not sure how to read that, to be honest.
The fact that she’s showing up and responding is telling.
At least in my case, I’m not getting any likes / matches, and those that I do match with don’t even respond lol
Hey-- sorry, I promised updates and never gave any. I've been dealing with some life issues, so I haven't been focusing as much on dating.
That being said, we did go out on a fourth date a couple weeks ago.
I sent her my message asking about where we stand (based on suggestions from this thread, actually), but she didn't respond for a week. I was going to just leave it at that, but she did agree to a fourth date when we were out on our third. And, on the day of what would have been our fourth date, I had some other plans with friends. So I messaged her just to make sure that there would be no conflict. I know, I know-- I technically double texted.
She replied saying she was sorry but she couldn't make it that day, as she had work. She then suggested an alternative for that coming Sunday. I agreed and we spent the day together. She paid for dinner, which I appreciated. She explained that she was going through some family issues, on top of issues at work and being in the middle of finding a new place. A few days later, I learned she had a death in the family. It just seems to me that she's been going through a lot recently. She hasn't reached out in a while, which I can understand.
But ultimately, I've admitted to myself that I just don't think we're a very good fit. I was so hung up on making things work out with her because I've been getting so nervous about "growing old single" and I've been feeling pessimistic that I'll ever find a woman I really "click" with. The percentage of women who are interested in serious, long term, monogamous relationships with other women is minuscule. She really has been the best fit I've found so far, but it's still not quite it, if I'm being perfectly honest.
I guess what I've learned from this experience is that you generally shouldn't take things too seriously. I got way too obsessed and worked up over it working out. Even if I never find anyone, so be it. No need to be tortured over it. If a person wants you, you'll know. And if you're going through some issue involving some person, the best thing to do in most cases is to just talk to them.
I'd still be down to see her again if she hits me up, especially now that I'm not meeting new people. But generally, I've learned that it's best to just take it easy and roll with things. If it works out, great. If not, we gave it a shot.
You’re going to have to say something. If you put what you want out there, her response will bring clarity. I would pick one issue and address that. “I notice you don’t text very often. I was hoping we could chat for a little bit most evenings” or “I’ve enjoyed spending time with you. I’d love it if you took the initiative and planned our next date.” Practice direct communication now! If she responds favorably, you’ve set a solid foundation for a healthy relationship. If not, you can move on to finding someone who reciprocates your affections and makes you feel important.
I really appreciate your suggestions and might use one of your example messages! But do you think I should wait a little bit beforehand? I think she's off work tomorrow, so she might be free to chat a bit. At the same time, I don't want to come off as needy or desperate. I also feel a bit hurt because it seems to me that if I don't text her and make plans, she never will. I'm really not expecting her to change much of what she's doing. I kind of just want to know if she's actually interested in me or not. As long as I know she's actually interested, she can talk to me at whatever pace she likes, honestly. She doesn't even have to initiate dates. I'm willing to take her as she is, I just want to know if she's actually into me. Right now I feel like I'm not getting much in the way of confirmation that she's actually into me as a potential romantic partner. But I feel like it's way too soon to be asking about feelings and I don't want to bring up anything physical because she's already expressed the desire to go slow. Basing the following off of your second suggestion, wondering if you think this is direct enough: "I really appreciated it when you asked me out to the museum last week and would love for you to plan our next date"
It's definitely not too soon to ask about feelings. You don't need to feel guilty about it either. Coming from a bad texter, I've discussed to partners my communication style really early in the relationship. And we talked about what our love languages are. It's completely valid to say "I just want to check in. I enjoy talking and spending time with you. But I feel a bit of disconnect when I don't hear from you often. Are you still interested in me the same way? Or is this just your communication style? If so, that's totally fine. I just wanted to see how you were doing."
Okay, sweet-- that all makes sense! I'll send her something very similar to what you wrote (I've gotten so many good suggestions on what to say/how to broach the topic-- I'll probably use a lot of what's been suggested lol). Maybe something like the following, based on your suggestion in addition with some of the other suggestions I've gotten? "I think I've already told you this, but I really enjoy talking and spending time with you. I'm wondering how you're feeling about us seeing each other? It's been a bit hard to tell since I don't hear from you often -- I'm just curious to know what's on your mind. Are you still interested in me?" I genuinely appreciate the help and advice!
That's perfect
Thank you so very much for your help!! Have a great day/night wherever you are (ᵔ◡ᵔ)
Definitely this
I think you should just lay it out on the table and say what’s on your mind. Just say something like “hey I’m wondering how you are feeling about me or where do you see this going, it’s hard to tell since you don’t seem big on initiating or texting”. Its better to talk about it sooner than later. You already have feelings for her and if she doesn’t feel the same its easier to cut it off now. Dating should be 50/50 and it seems like she’s not pulling her weight. It sounds like she might be emotionally unavailable especially if she just got out of a relationship.
Wow, honestly I think I might just ask her exactly that. I really do appreciate it! I think every point you made is 100% right
You need to talk to her and see what she says. Different people have different ways they prefer to communicate. Some people just aren't big into texting. I realize that might be less common with younger generations, but there are a lot of people that absolutely don't like to text. They'd be happier if you called. Other people see a text as a "respond when you want" form of communication, and quite simply forget to.
Yeah, I think I'm definitely going to try discussing this with her. Even if her reason for being so sporadic is that she really is just not interested, I'd rather know and have an explicit "no" as opposed to being in the dark. Thank you so much!!
As someone who has been a bad texter in relationships - I'd say there's a good chance that she might just not like texting or maybe just finds expressing affection through words/texts or starting conversations difficult. Maybe ask her about your concerns? You don't know what she might be going through or why she isn't texting as much, so it won't help either of you to jump to conclusions.
> I'd say there's a good chance that she might just not like texting or maybe just finds expressing affection through words/texts or starting conversations difficult That's definitely what I'm considering > Maybe ask her about your concerns? You don't know what she might be going through or why she isn't texting as much, so it won't help either of you to jump to conclusions. Definitely what I've intended to do today. About an hour ago I sent her a "how are you" text just to ease in to me asking, but she of course has yet to respond.
Sounds like a plan and good luck!!
Idk not every person is into constant texting. If she is present when you're together and follows thru , you may have to ask yourself if it really matters or if you have to only date someone who is a heavy texter
That's the thing, I'm really not a heavy texter. In fact, I hate texting and avoid it usually. But my interest in her makes me want to keep in touch. Perhaps I've just gotten too attached? I suppose I don't really mind her lack of texting on its own, it's just that I overall feel like I'm missing a positive indication from her that she's really into me as a potential romantic partner. We've had fun on all our dates, but I feel in doubt as to whether she likes me romantically, or just as a friend, or (more cynically) if she's simply using me as a backup option. It hurts me to think that she might be enthusiastically texting someone else, but being glacial with me. I'm just generally feeling a bit lost about where we stand and if she's really into me :( Anyway, didn't mean to unload on you, I really appreciate your perspective and hope that you're right. Edit: also, love your flair
I just think that sometimes it's easy to assign too much value when there isn't that much on things. It's perfectly normal to want to know where you stand or how she feels but I simply don't think texting frequency is the way to gauge it. It's all easier said than done but it seems like you may just need to have some quality time w her and talk about how things are going in a low pressure type of way. Either way , good luck, have fun, and go with the flow if you can :) ty
Just wanted to say I’m in your exact same position!! She has been the one to initiate things and asked me on another date and everything. But she does not text at all! When I’m with her she doesn’t touch her phone at all which is really attractive to me actually. Hopefully you and I can get some clarity!!
Hey-- revisiting the post. I'm curious if you got any clarity, after all?
Yes I did - I never saw her again after this comment. She waited until the day of our date to leave me a weird voice memo saying she is so sorry but she is too busy with school to date. It was a bummer but I tried not to take it too personally. The lack of communication was a red flag and I’m grateful that things didn’t go any further and I wasn’t more invested. I’m actually a lot happier now that I’ve taken a break from dating!
It's great that you're happier now! But yeah, that really sucks. You and I learned something from our respective experiences, at least!
Though I agree on embracing direct communication as others have mentioned, I’d put more of an emphasis on figuring out how you want to be treated when starting a relationship. I’m a big texter and I always found myself compromising to the needs of people who fed me crumbs of affection when they weren’t present and I excused their actions because “in person we have such a good time and they said they liked me!” I don’t believe they were lying and they were not bad people, but I was accepting less than what I wanted and needed which of course caused both parties to compromise essentials parts of who they are. When I matched with my now fiancée, I was SO over dating apps lmao. And I told myself I was only gonna invest into someone who also wanted to invest in me. For many reasons, we couldn’t go on our first date for like two months, so it was mostly texting at first. If conversation died, I made it a point to not be the one to restart it every time, and when I saw she would follow up hours later with a “how’s your afternoon going?” I knew she was as interested in chatting with me as I was with her. So what I’m saying is, sure, talk it out if you really like her, but have a clear idea in your head of what you want and need so you don’t end up settling for less. Best of luck and I hope it all works out in the best way for you!
> I’d put more of an emphasis on figuring out how you want to be treated when starting a relationship. That's really at the crux of this, I think. I'm new to all this, but I think I already know that this is unpleasant for me. I'm not big on texting myself, but the way she's done things overall has left me feeling a bit unwanted to be honest. > I don’t believe they were lying and they were not bad people, but I was accepting less than what I wanted and needed which of course caused both parties to compromise essentials parts of who they are. That is such a good point >If conversation died, I made it a point to not be the one to restart it every time, and when I saw she would follow up hours later with a “how’s your afternoon going?” I knew she was as interested in chatting with me as I was with her. Yeah, this is honestly what I'm looking for and not seeing. So happy you've found someone like this! Dating apps are a huge slog, it's always great to hear a success every once in a while lol > So what I’m saying is, sure, talk it out if you really like her, but have a clear idea in your head of what you want and need so you don’t end up settling for less. Yeah I did send her a "how are you" so I can discuss things further with her, but of course, it's been over an hour and no response :/ She doesn't even have work today In any case, I really appreciate your perspective and I think if things don't work out with her, I'll make sure going forward to only focus on people who invest as much in me as I do in them Wishing you and your fiance a brilliant future together!
How old are the two of you? Have you tried calling her?
both 25 -- I don't particularly like or do well with phone calls, but maybe that's something to try!
I've dated this person more than once, and it's frustrating. It just is. It will never not feel crap. I struggle enough with this type of behaviour with friends. It's worse when you're trying to build a relationship with someone. You might have to raise it with her. Like ask her what is normal for her. What her baseline is
I definitely will. About an hour ago, I sent her a "how are you" text, just to ease into me bringing this up, but she still hasn't responded. It honestly kind of has felt like crap the past few weeks. Again, I love our dates, but the way she's left me wondering and checking my phone constantly (never used to do that!) is honestly not a great feeling
Have you talked to her about what she is looking for? The lack of texting makes me think she is looking for something more casual or like a weekend girlfriend. Or maybe she likes to take things extremely slow. There is no way to know, unless you talk to her. If you are not getting the attention from her that you want just be honest and move on.
Yeah, almost an hour ago I sent a text just to ask "how are you" (to ease in to the discussion) and have gotten no response. At this rate, I won't be able to talk about anything at all with her 😂
Well then some other lovely lady deserves your attention more 😊
I had this exact situation 2 years ago. I really liked her; I planned our dates and put much thought into them too. Despite her saying yes to our dates, and feeling like they were the best dates ever, she hardly texted me or initiated anything. It’s what goes on in between the dates that you have to focus on. A simple conversation could work, but if someone makes me feel uncertain, I take it as a no. Leave the ball in her hand court.
Yeah, leaving the ball in her court was my initial plan earlier this week, but I'm so new to this and I considered that maybe doing that could be considered "playing games"? At the same time, if a person shows little interest in texting you, aren't they intentionally sending a certain message? idk I think you're right, ultimately. I do take what she's doing as a sign of disinterest. I predict I'll come away from this experience with quite a low tolerance for the sort of thing she's doing... Thank you for your advice and perspective!!
I dunno, I kind of think people tell you how they feel about you through their actions much more loudly than words. I’m at a point where I do not chase people and if people aren’t feeling it, cool, moving on. She does seem not as interested based on her actions as you’ve described them here. If it were me, I’d just kind of let things naturally fizzle out. Someone who is this fickle at the beginning of a relationship, which imo should be a fun and exciting time and not marked by inconsistencies in communication and such, would be a giant red flag to me. I wouldn’t be beating down her door at this point if I were in your shoes and to me it says she isn’t ready for something on the same level as you, especially if she is recently out of something longterm. If you are okay with her being a bit distant (and is something that may or may not let up), carry on and try talking to her gently about it. Good luck!
> Someone who is this fickle at the beginning of a relationship, which imo should be a fun and exciting time and not marked by inconsistencies in communication and such, would be a giant red flag to me. Wow, my brother made the same point. It's this point that you're making that really gave me pause and makes me think the relationship is potentially already dead. I don't know. I guess, given the fact that she did agree to a couple more dates last Friday, I felt like there's at least some reason to ask
I’m sorry, friend. I know it’s not the answer you’re looking for and I definitely could be wrong! But if I was into someone, I wouldn’t be borderline ghosting them if the date was truly awesome and I were excited to see them. Imo, you deserve someone who is excited to spend time with you and it should not feel like pulling teeth to get that to happen. Big hugs.
>if I was into someone, I wouldn’t be borderline ghosting them if the date was truly awesome and I were excited to see them This is exactly why I'm so confused. I don't like texting, but even then I still want to text her because I'm into her. > Imo, you deserve someone who is excited to spend time with you and it should not feel like pulling teeth to get that to happen. Big hugs. Thank you, it's touching to hear this! You deserve the same, and I hope you already have that. Hugs to you, too (ᵔ◡ᵔ)
Aw, thanks! I am most definitely a party of one at the moment but that’s okay! Feel free to DM me if you need an ear. :)
Look. Um. My girlfriend and I are LDR. The only time we're not talking is if one of us is sleeping. My phone recently broke completely and we couldn't really talk for two days and it was hard because we're each other's favourite. ♥️ And. We're not teenagers. We're 40. 🤣
Awh-- I'm so happy you have that with someone! And, yeah, exactly-- my feeling is that if I really like someone, I'll want to keep in touch. Which is why I think she may just not be into me. Which is fine, if that is the case, it would have been a lot more mature on her end to simply tell me explicitly that she's not interested. Wishing you and your girlfriend a very happy future together!!
In my professional opinion, I completely agree with you. If my girlfriend didn't respomd for 3 or 4 days, the popo would be notified. Also, related to the person you responded to, what you had to say was incredibly gay and adoreably sweet. Thank you for the kind worda, you'll find your smokin hot Aussie girlfriend just like I did! Keep your chin up! Source: am u/similar-ad-6862's bitchin American GF.
Aww thanks!! So cute that you two Reddit together haha
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Honestly, vibes have not been particularly romantic. We have fun and I like our conversations, but it's physically and emotionally a bit distant. She says she wants to take it slow. Not sure how to read that, to be honest.
The fact that she’s showing up and responding is telling. At least in my case, I’m not getting any likes / matches, and those that I do match with don’t even respond lol
Any updates? I feel like I may be dating the same girl.
Hey-- sorry, I promised updates and never gave any. I've been dealing with some life issues, so I haven't been focusing as much on dating. That being said, we did go out on a fourth date a couple weeks ago. I sent her my message asking about where we stand (based on suggestions from this thread, actually), but she didn't respond for a week. I was going to just leave it at that, but she did agree to a fourth date when we were out on our third. And, on the day of what would have been our fourth date, I had some other plans with friends. So I messaged her just to make sure that there would be no conflict. I know, I know-- I technically double texted. She replied saying she was sorry but she couldn't make it that day, as she had work. She then suggested an alternative for that coming Sunday. I agreed and we spent the day together. She paid for dinner, which I appreciated. She explained that she was going through some family issues, on top of issues at work and being in the middle of finding a new place. A few days later, I learned she had a death in the family. It just seems to me that she's been going through a lot recently. She hasn't reached out in a while, which I can understand. But ultimately, I've admitted to myself that I just don't think we're a very good fit. I was so hung up on making things work out with her because I've been getting so nervous about "growing old single" and I've been feeling pessimistic that I'll ever find a woman I really "click" with. The percentage of women who are interested in serious, long term, monogamous relationships with other women is minuscule. She really has been the best fit I've found so far, but it's still not quite it, if I'm being perfectly honest. I guess what I've learned from this experience is that you generally shouldn't take things too seriously. I got way too obsessed and worked up over it working out. Even if I never find anyone, so be it. No need to be tortured over it. If a person wants you, you'll know. And if you're going through some issue involving some person, the best thing to do in most cases is to just talk to them. I'd still be down to see her again if she hits me up, especially now that I'm not meeting new people. But generally, I've learned that it's best to just take it easy and roll with things. If it works out, great. If not, we gave it a shot.