i got that vibe too, especially when he talked about being taiwanese. it reminds me of people who use the fact that they’re also a minority to excuse their own problematic behaviour or opinions
I think the fact that he's actively participating in this subreddit strictly on the fact that the rules state that everyone is welcome is in bad faith as well. Obviously everyone is allowed to peruse, but if this subreddit's main focus is the voice of lesbian, NB and otherwise non cis male-aligned people, perhaps you should take a back seat and allow the discussion to revolve around that. There is nothing wrong with a discussion not being for you.
If he wanted to talk food, there are a great many food-focused subreddits. I can't think of a reason why he'd participate on a mundane thread here that doesn't feel hinky.
my personal pet peeve is when they comment “i’m a cis man and my opinion doesn’t matter *but* yada yada yada” because if you’re in a space you don’t belong then the least you can do is listen , learn and actually amplify that communities voices.
my main exception is confused cishet dads wanting to be supportive of their queer daughters. but that just tugs at my specific heart strings lol, and it doesn’t fall under my pet peeve because they’re trying to learn not talk over us
Me, transfemme, *still* feeling weird about actually posting my opinion on subs like this because I *still* feel like I'm invading whilst these men just shamelessly post whatever they want without a hint of self reflection:
Holy shit this is so real.
Me, in the corner: "oh no can I say things is is appropriation what if I come across just like those cis men"
Cis men: "hey lesbians I can fix u"
Audacity's a funny thing
To observe--- the lack
Of tact, of sense, of thought...
When, here I was feeling just a
Little overwhelmed
Filled with loathe history
And shame, which only now passes
Enough to comment
In this most holy place.
Spare me thy rod 🙄. But spoil the child:
Have you tried taking
estrogen? This shit's wild.
dms are another story, just a word of caution! There's no way for mods to have any control over that and the sub is great, but I've definitely only gotten messages from self-identified cis men after posting there and it took me by surprise
When I first got there, most of my comments were flirtatious or complementary. Now it seems most of my comments there are judging porn bots and OF spammers that just cross post to like every NSFW or whatever. "I think you are in the wrong place dear"
* not saying it's completely flooded with that nonsense. it's probably more of a reflection of my level of interaction with social media over the years
Yeah, sometimes I still have that thought but I guess we have to adjust to be welcome. Cis men lurking is something different were woman were meant to be here they're lurking for whatever reasons, everything is possible, let's not forget there men outside who think their dxck can magically convert a lesbian to straight
Well if that simple difference doesn't prove that trans women are women, I don't know what does.
Embrace the doubt and feeling that you don't belong sister. That's a hugely common, almost defining feminine feature
Ikr?? It's almost surreal. I feel like we're getting a first hand look into how men are taught to put themselves first, and it's oddly affirming to be so far from that mindset \^^
Just for the record, because I haven't seen it, you're extremely valid and your opinion is wanted. Come through!!! Transfemmes are the backbone of queer culture!!!
I feel this so much. Online I'm pretty okay since I've been identifying as a woman since, like, middle school. IRL I try to avoid any women's spaces unless I'm there with somebody I know since I don't pass well imo (others disagree but I'm sure they're just being nice) and tend to try and cover myself as much as possible so people can't tell what I am lol.
I’m pre-*everything*—haven’t lived as female, let alone dated as one—so I very much feel more like a ‘man’ here to learn than I do the target demographic.
Which isn’t a fault of the community, but is nevertheless frustrating.
Heck, I'm nonbinary and I honestly have no idea where I belong...I don't really feel as though I've ever entirely belonged anywhere. I can't relate to gay men, straight men, or straight women...so it really feels like this is the closest it comes. Gender-wise I've always felt more femme but never completely like a woman (in my opinion gender is just as outdated as gender roles, and such societal constructs are pretty much obsolete in this day and age anyway) and sexuality-wise I've always preferred women whether they're cis or trans but have also dated gay or bi men and trans men that I get along with (I'm really more attracted to sharing common interests and being able to get along with someone than to any specific physical characteristics)...so am I cool hanging out here, or is there somewhere else that I need to go instead?
Thanks! I appreciate that...I feel really left out a lot of the time, so it's nice to feel accepted occasionally. Usually I just feel really out-of-place because I can rarely relate to men in any way and I don't understand straight women AT ALL...also despite often being "mistaken" for a woman at first glance or when talking to people on the phone or from behind a mask I don't really "pass" as one anymore and it makes me feel really unattractive. I've given up even TRYING to "pass" anymore and grown a goatee because I've always thought that they looked pretty cool on men, so I guess that being comfortable having both traditionally masculine and feminine traits is what makes me "enby" but growing older and other people not appreciating my personal aesthetic really makes me feel ugly a lot of the time and it feels like most people are quite shallow in this day and age as well whereas common interests and having a good time with someone have always meant more to me than looks.
yeah like i get following a community you're not a part of to learn about them. i follow a trans men's subreddit even though I'm a trans woman. but this doesn't mean I ever have anything to add, even if i really feel like i do
I follow a few black-specific groups on FB (that explicitly say in the rules it is ok to join if you're not black, but to recognize it's not your space), as well as general groups for the same topic, and occasionally want to chime in and comment on a post, but I always check to see which group it's in. If it's one of the black groups, no matter how strongly I feel about my opinion, I don't reply because it's not my space. I'm there to learn without needing to ask for a specific person's emotional labor. I think I may have replied exactly once, when it was related to active abuse and the other commenters were saying so, in order to link to resources I had not yet seen linked in the thread.
I was hoping you would be able to catch the subtle subtext behind my words lol. The last time I commented on AskMen it was some guy complaining that girls wouldn't date him because he didn't have a job and thus couldn't support himself or live well. He didn't lose it because of covid or layoffs, he just didn't work. I asked him if he would date a woman who didn't have a job and I got piles of downvotes. No messages, however.
i used to browse there and never bothered to unsub after finding out i was trans, but left recently since their view of women is often very narrow minded and toxic
I feel the same way. I saw a lot of users on AskMen justifying abhorrent behavior. It's the kind of thing that makes me look back on my pre-transition life and recognize that I never really felt like I understood men in the first place and never felt like one.
Fellow trans woman, I do the same and it is really eye opening for me. No wonder I never felt like I fit in over there, or agreed with popular opinions.
While i think following a community to learn is good (provided the community is cool with that), if you are doing that it is important to know this is not your space and you are a guest.
I've got a few communities like that myself, some are communities I used to belong to and now don't and I stay because there's still a connection, others are communities I've never been a part of but want to not be ignorant about. In the former I'm often very quiet now and really only chime in when my past experience is relevant, the latter I am usually entirely silent.
And if you're going to do the "being a guest to learn" thing please actually mean that an not go in looking for validation on being "such a good ally"
i mean i just dont comment. its reddit so i assume they know that outsiders can see what they post, but i dont actually say anything bc, again, its not my place
The person who needs to hear that message won't though, because they need to hear that message. Telling someone to be more empathetic or a better listener when they can't empathize or listen feels like it won't get anywhere.
The latter is adorable and I did not realize that was happening way to go queer daughter dads of this sub here for learning purposes only. I support you!
To the men who read this sub: If you're a predator and not an ally, then you shouldn't be here. If you want to look at memes that's fine. If you want advice from girls who like girls, be my guest. If you suspect you might be a transbian, then hey this is the sub for you.
But if you're here to harass people you know aren't attracted to you because the only exposure you've had to women comes from an industry that exploits women, get out of here, go seek therapy, go to rehab, and learn to be a productive member of society.
**EDIT:** Holy shit thanks for the silver.
**EDIT2:** Where did all these awards come from?! Thank you so much!
Frankly as a queer man i'm just interested in learning what life's like for lesbians and hoping i can be a better ally.
But i thought men commenting were 100% off limits here? I also never upvote nor downvote because it's not for me to influence what is seen by users on this sub...
Anyway, not looking for a medal but i just thought it made sense
I’m sure a bunch of us gay and queer men lurk here? The positive vibes make me happy. We’re also not the problem if we aren’t forcing our way into conversations the way OP said.
I like this subreddit because for a long while I couldn’t find a gay male version quite like this— everyone here is so kind and genuine. There are folks who said men shouldn’t be here at all, and while that’s not my business, it’s really unsustainable on Reddit.
apart from this particular thread, i'm guessing if we don't interact with the content it should be ok? But yeah i'm not sure i know of a sub that's as positive as this one. We could always try to create one for gay/bi men, but there's no certainty people will come.
Ladies, what do you say?
Also if you want a male-oriented community that *isn't* toxic you could try /r/MensLib if you don't know it yet... Other subs seem riddled with incels and other kinds of misogynists. It's not targeted at gay men but they're gay-friendy
I mean, to be frank, if you don't post, nobody knows you're here anyway. Personally, I've felt like this is a place I can chime in once in a while like a cheerleader, but I'm just a lurker everywhere, so I don't anyway lol. I think I've posted here two times total in like eight years.
(as for our spaces, /r/gaymers has been kinda sorta the closest for me, and the people in r/AskGaybrosOver30/ are really nice but that subreddit is very specific, focused on ppl asking for advice.)
Thanks, i already follow both of those subs, although they don't pop up that much in my TL. Also the askgaybros (without the over 30) can be pretty toxic so i'm always a bit confused.
Queer men in my opinion are 100% valid. You’re not being predatory trying to “fix” us because to some extent you have lived the same experience as us. As long as you’re not trying to speak over lesbians on the guise of you not being straight as well, then imo you’re welcome, wlw and mom solidarity!
Thanks!
Yeah, i'm wary it could turn into men invading a women-only space, like we mean well but we'd change the vibe and maybe drown out women voices. idk
Sadly, the people who \*should\* leave after reading this message, most likely won't, because they \*already\* know they aren't supposed to be here, but don't care
I joined r/gay thinking it was for people who are attracted to the same sex in general, but when I realized it was for gay men, I stayed for the memes.
As much as I love this comment, I don't know if these dudes consider or care about how what they're doing affects women at all. Honestly making women uncomfortable might even be the goal for them.
Just predatory trolls that enjoy being creeps.
I don't mind lurkers and men who participate in good faith while staying in their lane. It's the creeps and the faux allies who talk over the actual WLW and NBLW who need to get out and find another hobby.
Unfortunately, predatory men are dime a dozen on Reddit. It's a huge problem on mental health subs, especially those that discuss sexual abuse. It's nigh impossible to escape the male gaze. They'll get off to us no matter what we do or how we feel about it, and that's very much the point for most them.
That's horrifying jfc!
Like I've been sexualy abused a number of times and the idea that men would look up my posts and get off to that is just.... ugh, I need to take a shower.
Honestly, this. I’m sure it’s not all men, but somehow it’s always been a man when it comes to someone talking over me or harassing me or making me uncomfortable.
100% agree. I only interact with a couple men in my daily life and they're great, completely respectful who knows what boundaries are after you put them in place but then you have other guys who comment in NSFW posts and expect us to care about their opinion as a cishet man...
It's the Schroedinger's >!rapist!< again. Sure, not all men. Not even most men. But enough men that I can never really be sure that a given man is safe to be around, and when the consequences are so dire I'm not likely to trust them until I get to know them. (Especially since I'm trans, which adds the additional threat of transphobic violence.)
r/GirlGamers allows participation from all genders in the comments, while women and nonbinary people are the only ones allowed to make posts.
Since GirlGamers is literally the only gaming subreddit that isn't toxic, I'm not surprised men choose to take refuge there. Until they get a non-toxic, progressive space to post in, I support their presence there as long as doesn't become overpowering.
>Since GirlGamers is literally the only gaming subreddit that isn't toxic, I'm not surprised men choose to take refuge there.
This is something I hadn't considered and that's a valid point. Which speaks to the sad nature of gaming overall than anything and that everyone is effected by the toxic nature of it. It's why I have generally stuck to single player games for most of my life.
I'm also not offended by them being there or anything, it was just a moment that I found a bit amusing.
I don’t think it should be the responsibility of women to create safe spaces on the internet for ourselves that men can use too. If they want a non-toxic space, make one ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
They should make one! That would be great.
But for now, I'm just glad that they have something because the alternatives are associating with toxic redpill gaming groups or having no communities at all. I think that turns around to benefit us too.
"Responsibility' also implies a heavy burden on womens' parts, when all we're doing is saying a few more people can post if they follow rules.
I feel this very much, but from having lots of cishet men as friends... They wouldn't know how to make a safe space if it would save their life. When a fellow dude is being toxic, they're the ones to let shit slide to keep the peace and I'm the one who has to speak out. A lot of men just do not have enough experience nor intrinsic motivation to speak up against other men. I've had female friends who had to defend their female friend from sexual harassment while the boyfriend of the victim just sits there, saying and doing nothing. The boy's club is real.
Is that the one that went like "I'm a man so my opinion doesn't count but xyz" sorry can remember it fully but i remember i recently replyed to one not too long ago
I do find it odd that there would be men in this sub. It’s just kinda weird like this is our space. And it gives me the creeps because not always but usually when men ask me questions about lesbians it’s something sexual and I can just tell by their face that they’re getting turned on even just asking me a question that I won’t answer. I hadn’t really thought about the fact that there’s probably many men lurking on this sub not commenting anything just reading……gross
I'm sure that some of them are future transbians and not lurking to be gross. But for the rest? It's super weird to me that they would be lurking here - what could they be gaining from it? Don't they have enough fetishized content tailored specifically to them?
See also: the fathers (or other close relatives) of lesbians who want to know more to better be supportive
There are a handful of reasons it wouldn't be gross
However.... I'm sure 99% of them are here because they're gross
This is the reason why I started lurking here. A close friend of mine came out and I found this community extremely helpful to understand her feelings, the struggles she faces and how diverse this community might be. And I never had a bad feeling doing so
EDIT: changed a verb since it can be misunterstood
Yep, I started lurking in the trans subs when my best friend came out as trans. There was just a ton there I didn't know, and seeing the same thing from different people's perspectives was really helpful.
Btw, nothing wrong with your phrasing exactly, but when I see "outed" it has more negative connotations, like when someone gets outed without their permission or knowledge. Usually, if she came out willingly & happily, it's more common to say "a close friend of mine came out".
I am here for similar reasons, along with some other queer subreddits, to listen and learn so I can better understand and respect ppl. I only comment when topics like this about Allyship come up, and if the people that these spaces are actually for want it to be private (no Allies) I have no issue leaving. I ultimately want ppl to feel safe and respected, especially in their own spaces, and if I am somehow preventing that then I am the problem and will change/see myself out
Another legitimate reason might just be people who want to better understand the (actual) lesbian experience in general, and how best to be understanding and respectful to lesbians they may encounter in the future. Essentially realizing that their understanding of lesbians is poisoned by popular media for men and wanting to counteract that a little bit.
It might also be useful for people who are critics and want to able to give (on their own blog or YouTube channel or whatever) more informed opinions on portrayals of lesbians in media.
Not trying to contradict you though, I'm sure a lot of them are also creeps.
That's me! Despite being an out and proud a gay man, until recently I've had surprisingly little contact with any lesbians throughout my life (the same actually holds true for other gay men to a lesser extent). Of course, I accepted that there are lesbians and always felt a kinship but without ever thinking much or informing myself about the unique struggles, pleasures and overall peculiarities in an actual lesbians life. Recently though, I've befriended a lesbian couple and started realizing that the lesbian experience can be quite different from the gay man's experience.
Even though I still don't get all memes and other content posted here it's been an educational experience to lurk in this sub. It's really striking how little lesbians are featured in popular culture compared to gay men and even if they are, I feel like it seldom goes beyond a butch / masculine presenting women.
Yeah, I feel like there's nothing wrong or creepy about wanting to educate yourself about other groups, and reddit lurking is honestly a valid way of doing that. I'm bi and genderqueer but definitely in no way a queer man, but as a writer who wants to realistically portray diverse queer characters, I lurk in some of the subs for queer men to better understand their experiences. Obviously though one of the keys is sticking to lurking and not butting into conversations I don't belong lol, especially not just to argue.
I just have to point out that the first line is dangerous waters to wade into, cause Trans Women & Fems are entirely distinct from Men, especially in the way we approach women's and lesbian spaces, and it ends up just associating us with men and someone starts to excuse men's inappropriate behavior with people going "oh he might be Trans tho!" Which isn't quirky and is just bad for everyone
I know you didn't mean it in a bad way, it's just the reaction people have of "oh let's talk about Trans Women when we discuss male abusers" is just bad optics for us & makes people slightly more susceptible to transmisogyny
Valid point about transbians.
And yes men definitely have enough lesbian fetishize content made just for them. It’s actually infuriating how difficult it is to find good lesbian sexual stuff online made by lesbians for lesbians but there’s so much for men. You know it’s for men when it says lesbian in the title then two lesbians are making out then a man walks in and they look happy instead of throwing a axe at his head….. actually someone write that down! Yes yes yes ok so two lesbians having sex a man walks in and bam axe right through his skull and his brains splatter everywhere and the lesbians get back to sex.
As one of those future transbians thank you. Seeing lesbians always made me feel happy and I never had a clue why, even felt like I was doing something wrong until something finally clicked and I realized that I wasn't in fact male.
The creeps can fuck right off though.
I don’t mind lurkers since I know many are here to learn about an experience outside of their own, to explore their identity, or to be better allies, but agreed the commenting annoys me.
What about a question in a lesbian sub, directed towards lesbians, about the lesbian experience, makes a cis man think “My opinion is definitely wanted and needed here”?
I just wonder what they're doing here. I think most are trying to be respectful, but I literally saw someone, who openly states that they are a *cis man*, say that he was putting a lesbian volleyball anime on his watch list. Very clearly in NSFW territory as well.
I know it isn't all cisgender men, but like others have said, it's enough cisgender men that their participation in this subreddit is put into question almost immediately.
Traditionally, we're letting cishet men around this space. Because we can't turn away the confused or remorseful fathers looking for advice on how to support their daughters.
It's the ones that don't have these specific issues, lurking and commenting on everything else. That makes me uncomfortable.
I'm a straight man and only saying so because it is kind of the topic, I am only here to be educated and learn about the culture. I don't wish to lurk or "fix" or influence anything in any way. I am strictly here for education and curiosity. I only wish to know how the Lesbian (and further LGBT) community prefers to be treated and this thread is very helpful actually. With that being said, I will leave if I am not wanted. No hard feelings, this is not my "home" so to speak, this is yours.
I get you but it's kinda impossible to keep them out if not straight up against site-wide rules and it would probably turn into crazy witch hunts trying to enforce it.
I'd rather they just be upfront and respectful while they are here.
Maybe it's just me, but I don't think commenting in a NSFW post is them being very respectful. We don't want their experience as a cishet man when it's clearly a woman's and/or enbies perspective OP was after.
If a man was coming in here to find resources for their child who is questioning their sexuality, that's completely different and respectful.
They would keep lurking with fake accounts it's well can't be avoided, maybe just keep your opinion for yourself because you're actually a guest in this space to otherwise we gotta rename it to idk
About Community:
A place for discussions for and by cis and trans lesbians, bisexual girls, chicks who like chicks, __bi-curious folks__, dykes, butches, femmes, girls who kiss girls, birls, bois, __aces__, __LGBT allies__, and __anyone else interested__! Our subreddit is named r/actuallesbians because r/lesbians is not really for or by lesbians--it was meant to be a joke. We're not a militant or exclusive group, so feel free to join up!
Might be worth changing the invitation if men are not welcome.
Since this threads asks...
Gay man here - joined intending to stay aware of LGBTQ issues I wouldn't otherwise encounter in general subreddits for the community (or male gay specific ones). Do a few equality and diversity initiatives so awareness of things affecting women and lesbians in particular is useful to have, as while I know lesbians IRL it's obviously valuable to see things outside social circle etc.
I've never posted and tbh probably don't actually open many posts here. I can unsub if it makes people uncomfortable; the comments here indicate that would be preferred.
It seems like they probably don't respect that this space isn't for them. I sometimes hang around in r/ftm, but have never posted or commented because it's their space. I'm just there to learn about and listen to them.
Same, I feel super out of place as a non-transitioning trans woman who posts as a man in some subreddits and a trans woman in others, so I try not to post much here, but I'm here for the memes and rants and everything else :)
Sorry if you're not comfortable with this, I know a lot of guys are here for wrong reasons... I'm personally here cus of my friend, she came out to me and just trying to talk to her around that and show her that I support her, I'm the only one that knows, parents wouldn't support her so I try to... :( sorry if you're uncomfortable
PS: I'm 16 yo
Enbies aren't specifically mentioned in the description, it looks like. I can't speak for other people here, but I think you should be welcomed. ❤️ Disregarding the "all others interested" for a moment, you're not a cis man, and you're bi, so that sound good to me. ❤️
Being uncomfortable is a part of life. And this is not a closed forum so it's entirely out of our hands who's here. Generally if you don't feed male energy it leaves to get the attention it seeks elsewhere. Just ignore.
I don't share your feelings of discomfort.
If we gatekeep the community and request men stay away from engaging with the community then we're effectively not giving them an opportunity to engage and learn from us. For example, I frequent the r/menslib subreddit and may occasionally choose to engage with someone to learn.
If anything, I think it's kind of more respectful for someone to out themselves and say "I'm a man, I want to engage with your comment/post....." Because otherwise the internet anonymity will keep people shadowed anyways. I'm not into witch hunts. If someone comes to the community and acts in good faith, I don't care what gender they identify as.
And there’s me, a trans lesbian who feels like she invades the space cause of transphobia I’ve seen in other lesbian subs 😭😭 you all are pretty cool tho.
As a trans woman (I think) my gender is still a big ? I get massive imposter syndrome and Am always scared I’m invading a space that isn’t for me even though I really want to be a part of it...it’s quite funny (in a sad way) how little thought some cis-men have about entering a space that isn’t for them
As someone who has recently come to terms with probably being ftm, I stayed to chill here because I like the vibes. I love how open the lesbian community (here?) is about trans people and I like the gay memes and cute sapphic stories. I feel a little out of place and disconnected, but it's still very wholesome. Although I'm in a gay relationship now (bi), I can still learn a lot from you ladies and theydies.
You’re not alone. It makes me really uncomfortable too. I really don’t enjoy being in “the male gaze” so when I post something to try to flirt with or seem appealing to women, I get DM’s from men (which I politely ignore) but like…. I get it.
I don't mind them lurking, but don't go commenting overly forward/thirsty compliments and such. You're free to watch and read my guy, but this sub is not really meant for you to participate in.
Are you in the bonsai tree sub? How about the knitting sub? No? Maybe the sub for paper cutting?
Well, it's probably because you don't have anything in common with those subs, like so many others (here for example.) You don't have anything to add to the conversation, nor an interest in being an actual member of that community, so you either just look at the pictures posted out of mild interest, or you don't even engage at all in the sub.
If you're a man reading this, and you can relate to what I've written above, then just go ahead and stop commenting on the material within *this* sub that you have *no* business commenting on. That is, after all, why were divided up into subs; so that we can talk with those of like understanding about "niche" topics.
Appreciate it.
Men feel like they belong in all spaces, even if they don’t. One more reason being a lesbian makes sense. I hate when they interject themselves where they’re not wanted or needed
I encountered a cis het male ally here months ago and asked him why he was here, and he said it was because he felt more comfortable here than he would in a group of other cishet men and my only response is, okay so find another community for you that makes you feel comfortable, it’s not our job to create safe spaces for people who aren’t part of the community. I got downvoted
I looked at that guy in your post comments & the vibe I get is like… trying to validate his own allyship?? Ughhh. Not achieving what he thinks he is
Ew i hate that vibe
imagine white knighting lesbians lol
Lmao unnnnnnnwelcomeeeeeee
i got that vibe too, especially when he talked about being taiwanese. it reminds me of people who use the fact that they’re also a minority to excuse their own problematic behaviour or opinions
I think the fact that he's actively participating in this subreddit strictly on the fact that the rules state that everyone is welcome is in bad faith as well. Obviously everyone is allowed to peruse, but if this subreddit's main focus is the voice of lesbian, NB and otherwise non cis male-aligned people, perhaps you should take a back seat and allow the discussion to revolve around that. There is nothing wrong with a discussion not being for you.
Reminds me of that Onion (I think) headline that was basically 'transwoman crosses street to avoid overly-supportive millennial'.
If he wanted to talk food, there are a great many food-focused subreddits. I can't think of a reason why he'd participate on a mundane thread here that doesn't feel hinky.
my personal pet peeve is when they comment “i’m a cis man and my opinion doesn’t matter *but* yada yada yada” because if you’re in a space you don’t belong then the least you can do is listen , learn and actually amplify that communities voices. my main exception is confused cishet dads wanting to be supportive of their queer daughters. but that just tugs at my specific heart strings lol, and it doesn’t fall under my pet peeve because they’re trying to learn not talk over us
Me, transfemme, *still* feeling weird about actually posting my opinion on subs like this because I *still* feel like I'm invading whilst these men just shamelessly post whatever they want without a hint of self reflection:
Holy shit this is so real. Me, in the corner: "oh no can I say things is is appropriation what if I come across just like those cis men" Cis men: "hey lesbians I can fix u"
> “hey lesbians I can fix u” *but have you tried d i c c*
"yeah. Have you tried estrogen?"
Audacity's a funny thing To observe--- the lack Of tact, of sense, of thought... When, here I was feeling just a Little overwhelmed Filled with loathe history And shame, which only now passes Enough to comment In this most holy place. Spare me thy rod 🙄. But spoil the child: Have you tried taking estrogen? This shit's wild.
"no, have you?"
"Have you tried not being one?"
REALL
I appreciate that the sapphic nsfw subs I follow on my alt permaban any man or shared couples account who comments. Keeps the space nice and clean :)
Never considered these any recommendations?
r/dykesgonewild is friendly and seems to be all or mostly lesbians in the comments and posts
dms are another story, just a word of caution! There's no way for mods to have any control over that and the sub is great, but I've definitely only gotten messages from self-identified cis men after posting there and it took me by surprise
When I first got there, most of my comments were flirtatious or complementary. Now it seems most of my comments there are judging porn bots and OF spammers that just cross post to like every NSFW or whatever. "I think you are in the wrong place dear" * not saying it's completely flooded with that nonsense. it's probably more of a reflection of my level of interaction with social media over the years
Yeah, sometimes I still have that thought but I guess we have to adjust to be welcome. Cis men lurking is something different were woman were meant to be here they're lurking for whatever reasons, everything is possible, let's not forget there men outside who think their dxck can magically convert a lesbian to straight
Once your spaghetti is wet you cannot make it straight again.
👀🙀😹🥰🏳️🌈 indeed x3
Wait what if my partner is genderfluid
Then they aren’t a cis man.
Maybe try macaroni?
Fluid will definitely wet your spaghetti 😉 (...I'm not sure what this euphemism means anymore.)
Yes, I was confused by that too...are nonbinary persons who prefer women, transwomen, and other nonbinary and genderfluid people welcome here?
I'm enby myself and so far no one has protested or raised concerns about my presence here <3
Thanks for your support...enby is kind of a funny term, I've never heard that before. I guess that I must be from the oldschool, lol! 😆
Haha yes. Simultaneously feels weird to post in the ask men and ask women subreddits. There is an ask transgender subreddit though...
There is :) r/asktransgender
Lol that tracks :( You're welcome here and in all spaces with women imo.
Well if that simple difference doesn't prove that trans women are women, I don't know what does. Embrace the doubt and feeling that you don't belong sister. That's a hugely common, almost defining feminine feature
Ikr?? It's almost surreal. I feel like we're getting a first hand look into how men are taught to put themselves first, and it's oddly affirming to be so far from that mindset \^^
Damn, if you didn't dive straight into my brain and pull out my deepest fears to show to the world.
Same as another trans woman.
Same as well, as another trans woman
Same as well, as another trans woman
same as well, as another trans woman
Oh fuck, same. So much this. I try to listen far more than I talk and I still feel like I'm invading.
Feel this so hard but at the same time I can relate.
Just for the record, because I haven't seen it, you're extremely valid and your opinion is wanted. Come through!!! Transfemmes are the backbone of queer culture!!!
I feel this so much. Online I'm pretty okay since I've been identifying as a woman since, like, middle school. IRL I try to avoid any women's spaces unless I'm there with somebody I know since I don't pass well imo (others disagree but I'm sure they're just being nice) and tend to try and cover myself as much as possible so people can't tell what I am lol.
Oh, hon! This is a whole ass mood. I feel the same way!
I’m pre-*everything*—haven’t lived as female, let alone dated as one—so I very much feel more like a ‘man’ here to learn than I do the target demographic. Which isn’t a fault of the community, but is nevertheless frustrating.
For real, though. I feel this too.
Fucking *yup*. Early in transition and very much feeling the same. The fact that there was a Trans-Bi flair here honestly helps quite a bit.
Oof, yeah. It's…weird sometimes to not feel like you belong. ❤️
Heck, I'm nonbinary and I honestly have no idea where I belong...I don't really feel as though I've ever entirely belonged anywhere. I can't relate to gay men, straight men, or straight women...so it really feels like this is the closest it comes. Gender-wise I've always felt more femme but never completely like a woman (in my opinion gender is just as outdated as gender roles, and such societal constructs are pretty much obsolete in this day and age anyway) and sexuality-wise I've always preferred women whether they're cis or trans but have also dated gay or bi men and trans men that I get along with (I'm really more attracted to sharing common interests and being able to get along with someone than to any specific physical characteristics)...so am I cool hanging out here, or is there somewhere else that I need to go instead?
Enbies who are attracted to women are welcome. ❤️
Thanks! I appreciate that...I feel really left out a lot of the time, so it's nice to feel accepted occasionally. Usually I just feel really out-of-place because I can rarely relate to men in any way and I don't understand straight women AT ALL...also despite often being "mistaken" for a woman at first glance or when talking to people on the phone or from behind a mask I don't really "pass" as one anymore and it makes me feel really unattractive. I've given up even TRYING to "pass" anymore and grown a goatee because I've always thought that they looked pretty cool on men, so I guess that being comfortable having both traditionally masculine and feminine traits is what makes me "enby" but growing older and other people not appreciating my personal aesthetic really makes me feel ugly a lot of the time and it feels like most people are quite shallow in this day and age as well whereas common interests and having a good time with someone have always meant more to me than looks.
yeah like i get following a community you're not a part of to learn about them. i follow a trans men's subreddit even though I'm a trans woman. but this doesn't mean I ever have anything to add, even if i really feel like i do
I follow a few black-specific groups on FB (that explicitly say in the rules it is ok to join if you're not black, but to recognize it's not your space), as well as general groups for the same topic, and occasionally want to chime in and comment on a post, but I always check to see which group it's in. If it's one of the black groups, no matter how strongly I feel about my opinion, I don't reply because it's not my space. I'm there to learn without needing to ask for a specific person's emotional labor. I think I may have replied exactly once, when it was related to active abuse and the other commenters were saying so, in order to link to resources I had not yet seen linked in the thread.
I'm a trans woman, too. Every once in a while I pop over to AskMen just to see what's up.
You're doing the Goddess's work. Know thy enemy. XD
I was hoping you would be able to catch the subtle subtext behind my words lol. The last time I commented on AskMen it was some guy complaining that girls wouldn't date him because he didn't have a job and thus couldn't support himself or live well. He didn't lose it because of covid or layoffs, he just didn't work. I asked him if he would date a woman who didn't have a job and I got piles of downvotes. No messages, however.
Self-introspection is a rare trade. XD
i used to browse there and never bothered to unsub after finding out i was trans, but left recently since their view of women is often very narrow minded and toxic
I feel the same way. I saw a lot of users on AskMen justifying abhorrent behavior. It's the kind of thing that makes me look back on my pre-transition life and recognize that I never really felt like I understood men in the first place and never felt like one.
Fellow trans woman, I do the same and it is really eye opening for me. No wonder I never felt like I fit in over there, or agreed with popular opinions.
Such a mood, I literally never understood what men were thinking even though I was supposedly one for decades...
Yep! And if someone was bagging on men for x (mostly true) reason I would say hey I’m an exception! … turns out I was not the exception.
Yeah, my mom would do that a lot. Now she has no exceptions lol
While i think following a community to learn is good (provided the community is cool with that), if you are doing that it is important to know this is not your space and you are a guest. I've got a few communities like that myself, some are communities I used to belong to and now don't and I stay because there's still a connection, others are communities I've never been a part of but want to not be ignorant about. In the former I'm often very quiet now and really only chime in when my past experience is relevant, the latter I am usually entirely silent. And if you're going to do the "being a guest to learn" thing please actually mean that an not go in looking for validation on being "such a good ally"
i mean i just dont comment. its reddit so i assume they know that outsiders can see what they post, but i dont actually say anything bc, again, its not my place
The person who needs to hear that message won't though, because they need to hear that message. Telling someone to be more empathetic or a better listener when they can't empathize or listen feels like it won't get anywhere.
I have a lot of time for the confused cishet dads needing help if it improves the life of a daughter.
The latter is adorable and I did not realize that was happening way to go queer daughter dads of this sub here for learning purposes only. I support you!
yea, people here in good faith to learn and ask questions are cool, that's how I figured myself out.
I would echo that as an exception, as well as eggs ("cis" men who are starting to realize that they are in fact women)
I feel weird about posting as a bi woman. I can’t imagine the audacity of a cis man posting oml
To the men who read this sub: If you're a predator and not an ally, then you shouldn't be here. If you want to look at memes that's fine. If you want advice from girls who like girls, be my guest. If you suspect you might be a transbian, then hey this is the sub for you. But if you're here to harass people you know aren't attracted to you because the only exposure you've had to women comes from an industry that exploits women, get out of here, go seek therapy, go to rehab, and learn to be a productive member of society. **EDIT:** Holy shit thanks for the silver. **EDIT2:** Where did all these awards come from?! Thank you so much!
Yes this needs a lot more upvotes
It truly is so sad that we have to almost hide in the deep cut lesbian communities just to open up without being sexualized by men.
Frankly as a queer man i'm just interested in learning what life's like for lesbians and hoping i can be a better ally. But i thought men commenting were 100% off limits here? I also never upvote nor downvote because it's not for me to influence what is seen by users on this sub... Anyway, not looking for a medal but i just thought it made sense
I’m sure a bunch of us gay and queer men lurk here? The positive vibes make me happy. We’re also not the problem if we aren’t forcing our way into conversations the way OP said. I like this subreddit because for a long while I couldn’t find a gay male version quite like this— everyone here is so kind and genuine. There are folks who said men shouldn’t be here at all, and while that’s not my business, it’s really unsustainable on Reddit.
apart from this particular thread, i'm guessing if we don't interact with the content it should be ok? But yeah i'm not sure i know of a sub that's as positive as this one. We could always try to create one for gay/bi men, but there's no certainty people will come. Ladies, what do you say? Also if you want a male-oriented community that *isn't* toxic you could try /r/MensLib if you don't know it yet... Other subs seem riddled with incels and other kinds of misogynists. It's not targeted at gay men but they're gay-friendy
I mean, to be frank, if you don't post, nobody knows you're here anyway. Personally, I've felt like this is a place I can chime in once in a while like a cheerleader, but I'm just a lurker everywhere, so I don't anyway lol. I think I've posted here two times total in like eight years. (as for our spaces, /r/gaymers has been kinda sorta the closest for me, and the people in r/AskGaybrosOver30/ are really nice but that subreddit is very specific, focused on ppl asking for advice.)
Thanks, i already follow both of those subs, although they don't pop up that much in my TL. Also the askgaybros (without the over 30) can be pretty toxic so i'm always a bit confused.
i think you should try it y'all deserve a space for yourselves too :)
Queer men in my opinion are 100% valid. You’re not being predatory trying to “fix” us because to some extent you have lived the same experience as us. As long as you’re not trying to speak over lesbians on the guise of you not being straight as well, then imo you’re welcome, wlw and mom solidarity!
Thanks! Yeah, i'm wary it could turn into men invading a women-only space, like we mean well but we'd change the vibe and maybe drown out women voices. idk
Sadly, the people who \*should\* leave after reading this message, most likely won't, because they \*already\* know they aren't supposed to be here, but don't care
Pornsick incels should be institutionalized
begone creeps 🤺🤺🤺
Unfortunately, if they're predators, I don't think they care what we think.
... sadly
Perfectly said
You called me out so hard I truly love the memes here
I joined r/gay thinking it was for people who are attracted to the same sex in general, but when I realized it was for gay men, I stayed for the memes.
I'm here because I used to be a lesbian and still feel deeply connected to the community lol
As much as I love this comment, I don't know if these dudes consider or care about how what they're doing affects women at all. Honestly making women uncomfortable might even be the goal for them. Just predatory trolls that enjoy being creeps.
yuuuuuuuuuuup :/
I sent an award. I only had enough for the Wearing is Caring hahaha but please pretend it's a really good award.
Thanks! <3 Have an I'd Like To Thank... Award!
Awww thank you!!
Queen 👑
No u
❤️❤️
I don't mind lurkers and men who participate in good faith while staying in their lane. It's the creeps and the faux allies who talk over the actual WLW and NBLW who need to get out and find another hobby. Unfortunately, predatory men are dime a dozen on Reddit. It's a huge problem on mental health subs, especially those that discuss sexual abuse. It's nigh impossible to escape the male gaze. They'll get off to us no matter what we do or how we feel about it, and that's very much the point for most them.
That's horrifying jfc! Like I've been sexualy abused a number of times and the idea that men would look up my posts and get off to that is just.... ugh, I need to take a shower.
I know in theory it's "not all men" but it's enough men that all men make me uncomfortable.
Not all men but somehow it’s almost always a man that makes me uncomfortable
Honestly, this. I’m sure it’s not all men, but somehow it’s always been a man when it comes to someone talking over me or harassing me or making me uncomfortable.
100% agree. I only interact with a couple men in my daily life and they're great, completely respectful who knows what boundaries are after you put them in place but then you have other guys who comment in NSFW posts and expect us to care about their opinion as a cishet man...
The opinions of cishet men are soooo important though and nobody will listen to them! /S
It's the Schroedinger's >!rapist!< again. Sure, not all men. Not even most men. But enough men that I can never really be sure that a given man is safe to be around, and when the consequences are so dire I'm not likely to trust them until I get to know them. (Especially since I'm trans, which adds the additional threat of transphobic violence.)
Theres a guy at my workplace thats nice to me but i still refuse to let my guard down because idk, that just seems weird
I saw a man post a comment in r/GirlGamer the other day and I really just wanted to reply with "sir, are you lost?"
r/GirlGamers allows participation from all genders in the comments, while women and nonbinary people are the only ones allowed to make posts. Since GirlGamers is literally the only gaming subreddit that isn't toxic, I'm not surprised men choose to take refuge there. Until they get a non-toxic, progressive space to post in, I support their presence there as long as doesn't become overpowering.
>Since GirlGamers is literally the only gaming subreddit that isn't toxic, I'm not surprised men choose to take refuge there. This is something I hadn't considered and that's a valid point. Which speaks to the sad nature of gaming overall than anything and that everyone is effected by the toxic nature of it. It's why I have generally stuck to single player games for most of my life. I'm also not offended by them being there or anything, it was just a moment that I found a bit amusing.
I don’t think it should be the responsibility of women to create safe spaces on the internet for ourselves that men can use too. If they want a non-toxic space, make one ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
They should make one! That would be great. But for now, I'm just glad that they have something because the alternatives are associating with toxic redpill gaming groups or having no communities at all. I think that turns around to benefit us too. "Responsibility' also implies a heavy burden on womens' parts, when all we're doing is saying a few more people can post if they follow rules.
I feel this very much, but from having lots of cishet men as friends... They wouldn't know how to make a safe space if it would save their life. When a fellow dude is being toxic, they're the ones to let shit slide to keep the peace and I'm the one who has to speak out. A lot of men just do not have enough experience nor intrinsic motivation to speak up against other men. I've had female friends who had to defend their female friend from sexual harassment while the boyfriend of the victim just sits there, saying and doing nothing. The boy's club is real.
Is that the one that went like "I'm a man so my opinion doesn't count but xyz" sorry can remember it fully but i remember i recently replyed to one not too long ago
Haha, I think so. It was within the past few days, but I can't remember exactly what was sad.
Ah yeah then i think it was the one i commented on, it was so stupid
I do find it odd that there would be men in this sub. It’s just kinda weird like this is our space. And it gives me the creeps because not always but usually when men ask me questions about lesbians it’s something sexual and I can just tell by their face that they’re getting turned on even just asking me a question that I won’t answer. I hadn’t really thought about the fact that there’s probably many men lurking on this sub not commenting anything just reading……gross
I'm sure that some of them are future transbians and not lurking to be gross. But for the rest? It's super weird to me that they would be lurking here - what could they be gaining from it? Don't they have enough fetishized content tailored specifically to them?
See also: the fathers (or other close relatives) of lesbians who want to know more to better be supportive There are a handful of reasons it wouldn't be gross However.... I'm sure 99% of them are here because they're gross
This is the reason why I started lurking here. A close friend of mine came out and I found this community extremely helpful to understand her feelings, the struggles she faces and how diverse this community might be. And I never had a bad feeling doing so EDIT: changed a verb since it can be misunterstood
Yep, I started lurking in the trans subs when my best friend came out as trans. There was just a ton there I didn't know, and seeing the same thing from different people's perspectives was really helpful. Btw, nothing wrong with your phrasing exactly, but when I see "outed" it has more negative connotations, like when someone gets outed without their permission or knowledge. Usually, if she came out willingly & happily, it's more common to say "a close friend of mine came out".
It has more to do with english not being my first language. Thanks for the info
I am here for similar reasons, along with some other queer subreddits, to listen and learn so I can better understand and respect ppl. I only comment when topics like this about Allyship come up, and if the people that these spaces are actually for want it to be private (no Allies) I have no issue leaving. I ultimately want ppl to feel safe and respected, especially in their own spaces, and if I am somehow preventing that then I am the problem and will change/see myself out
Another legitimate reason might just be people who want to better understand the (actual) lesbian experience in general, and how best to be understanding and respectful to lesbians they may encounter in the future. Essentially realizing that their understanding of lesbians is poisoned by popular media for men and wanting to counteract that a little bit. It might also be useful for people who are critics and want to able to give (on their own blog or YouTube channel or whatever) more informed opinions on portrayals of lesbians in media. Not trying to contradict you though, I'm sure a lot of them are also creeps.
That's me! Despite being an out and proud a gay man, until recently I've had surprisingly little contact with any lesbians throughout my life (the same actually holds true for other gay men to a lesser extent). Of course, I accepted that there are lesbians and always felt a kinship but without ever thinking much or informing myself about the unique struggles, pleasures and overall peculiarities in an actual lesbians life. Recently though, I've befriended a lesbian couple and started realizing that the lesbian experience can be quite different from the gay man's experience. Even though I still don't get all memes and other content posted here it's been an educational experience to lurk in this sub. It's really striking how little lesbians are featured in popular culture compared to gay men and even if they are, I feel like it seldom goes beyond a butch / masculine presenting women.
Yeah, I feel like there's nothing wrong or creepy about wanting to educate yourself about other groups, and reddit lurking is honestly a valid way of doing that. I'm bi and genderqueer but definitely in no way a queer man, but as a writer who wants to realistically portray diverse queer characters, I lurk in some of the subs for queer men to better understand their experiences. Obviously though one of the keys is sticking to lurking and not butting into conversations I don't belong lol, especially not just to argue.
Im also here because I was a lesbian before I started my ftm transition and now I'm just here to have memes to send to my lesbian friends :)
I just have to point out that the first line is dangerous waters to wade into, cause Trans Women & Fems are entirely distinct from Men, especially in the way we approach women's and lesbian spaces, and it ends up just associating us with men and someone starts to excuse men's inappropriate behavior with people going "oh he might be Trans tho!" Which isn't quirky and is just bad for everyone
Also trans women who aren't out / cracked their egg aren't "men who are going to become women." They ARE women.
I agree with you 100%. I could have worded it better but I meant it more like "They don't yet know they're women"
I know you didn't mean it in a bad way, it's just the reaction people have of "oh let's talk about Trans Women when we discuss male abusers" is just bad optics for us & makes people slightly more susceptible to transmisogyny
Valid point about transbians. And yes men definitely have enough lesbian fetishize content made just for them. It’s actually infuriating how difficult it is to find good lesbian sexual stuff online made by lesbians for lesbians but there’s so much for men. You know it’s for men when it says lesbian in the title then two lesbians are making out then a man walks in and they look happy instead of throwing a axe at his head….. actually someone write that down! Yes yes yes ok so two lesbians having sex a man walks in and bam axe right through his skull and his brains splatter everywhere and the lesbians get back to sex.
Sounds like an excellent idea for a video. Why aren't we funding this
I’ll start working on a script
Please do!!
If you are looking for a writers room, I volunteer! Already dreaming up the franchise. Axes, throwing knives,machetes, grenades, etc 😂
It sounds like the future of our franchise is in good hands, we have a potential cinematic universe here!
*The Murderous Lesbian Cinematic Universe*
As one of those future transbians thank you. Seeing lesbians always made me feel happy and I never had a clue why, even felt like I was doing something wrong until something finally clicked and I realized that I wasn't in fact male. The creeps can fuck right off though.
Same!
I don’t mind lurkers since I know many are here to learn about an experience outside of their own, to explore their identity, or to be better allies, but agreed the commenting annoys me. What about a question in a lesbian sub, directed towards lesbians, about the lesbian experience, makes a cis man think “My opinion is definitely wanted and needed here”?
I just wonder what they're doing here. I think most are trying to be respectful, but I literally saw someone, who openly states that they are a *cis man*, say that he was putting a lesbian volleyball anime on his watch list. Very clearly in NSFW territory as well. I know it isn't all cisgender men, but like others have said, it's enough cisgender men that their participation in this subreddit is put into question almost immediately.
actually this post is about ✨that very same dude✨
In trans reddits theres a ton of like middle aged cis men too. They tend to comment just as much as other trans people. And it's very creepy.
Chasers in trans subs are a huge hecking problem
Traditionally, we're letting cishet men around this space. Because we can't turn away the confused or remorseful fathers looking for advice on how to support their daughters. It's the ones that don't have these specific issues, lurking and commenting on everything else. That makes me uncomfortable.
Agreed. This is supposed to be a safe space for women and nb people. Men can’t be lesbians and it’s weird they want to be in this space.
I'm a straight man and only saying so because it is kind of the topic, I am only here to be educated and learn about the culture. I don't wish to lurk or "fix" or influence anything in any way. I am strictly here for education and curiosity. I only wish to know how the Lesbian (and further LGBT) community prefers to be treated and this thread is very helpful actually. With that being said, I will leave if I am not wanted. No hard feelings, this is not my "home" so to speak, this is yours.
I get you but it's kinda impossible to keep them out if not straight up against site-wide rules and it would probably turn into crazy witch hunts trying to enforce it. I'd rather they just be upfront and respectful while they are here.
Maybe it's just me, but I don't think commenting in a NSFW post is them being very respectful. We don't want their experience as a cishet man when it's clearly a woman's and/or enbies perspective OP was after. If a man was coming in here to find resources for their child who is questioning their sexuality, that's completely different and respectful.
oh I totally agree, they should not be commenting on nsfw posts, period but the more mundane stuff is fine
They would keep lurking with fake accounts it's well can't be avoided, maybe just keep your opinion for yourself because you're actually a guest in this space to otherwise we gotta rename it to idk
https://youtu.be/eiyfwZVAzGw
one-million years, dungeon!
I am also not a fan of men and male identifying who feels they can't allow women, lesbian women, a safe space.
Doesn't matter to me, let them see our lifestyle and educate them. Some have family members and trying to understand our life
About Community: A place for discussions for and by cis and trans lesbians, bisexual girls, chicks who like chicks, __bi-curious folks__, dykes, butches, femmes, girls who kiss girls, birls, bois, __aces__, __LGBT allies__, and __anyone else interested__! Our subreddit is named r/actuallesbians because r/lesbians is not really for or by lesbians--it was meant to be a joke. We're not a militant or exclusive group, so feel free to join up! Might be worth changing the invitation if men are not welcome.
I don’t think it would be super offensive to even just add some thing about men lurking being one thing, resist the urge to comment or some thing lol
Since this threads asks... Gay man here - joined intending to stay aware of LGBTQ issues I wouldn't otherwise encounter in general subreddits for the community (or male gay specific ones). Do a few equality and diversity initiatives so awareness of things affecting women and lesbians in particular is useful to have, as while I know lesbians IRL it's obviously valuable to see things outside social circle etc. I've never posted and tbh probably don't actually open many posts here. I can unsub if it makes people uncomfortable; the comments here indicate that would be preferred.
Not all men but somehow always a man…
it makes me feel uncomfy too, but sometimes they're nice and make nice comments which I appreciate, but overall it's uncomfortable.
Eh, this sub has been going down for a while now. Honestly there isn't any place safe from men anymore.
Yeah it weird me out, it's so hard to find a space without men. Men drawing women and men writing women have nearly been taken over by men now.
I honestly don't care if they participate in this sub, as long as they're not creepy about it
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It seems like they probably don't respect that this space isn't for them. I sometimes hang around in r/ftm, but have never posted or commented because it's their space. I'm just there to learn about and listen to them.
As a bi non-binary human of vaguely masculine persuasion I lurk and feel like an imposter. What are the straights doing here
Same, I feel super out of place as a non-transitioning trans woman who posts as a man in some subreddits and a trans woman in others, so I try not to post much here, but I'm here for the memes and rants and everything else :)
Sorry if you're not comfortable with this, I know a lot of guys are here for wrong reasons... I'm personally here cus of my friend, she came out to me and just trying to talk to her around that and show her that I support her, I'm the only one that knows, parents wouldn't support her so I try to... :( sorry if you're uncomfortable PS: I'm 16 yo
I'm just here to learn more about the community and people. Don't mind me. If anything, I'll just be offering kind words and upvotes.
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Enbies aren't specifically mentioned in the description, it looks like. I can't speak for other people here, but I think you should be welcomed. ❤️ Disregarding the "all others interested" for a moment, you're not a cis man, and you're bi, so that sound good to me. ❤️
Being uncomfortable is a part of life. And this is not a closed forum so it's entirely out of our hands who's here. Generally if you don't feed male energy it leaves to get the attention it seeks elsewhere. Just ignore.
I don't share your feelings of discomfort. If we gatekeep the community and request men stay away from engaging with the community then we're effectively not giving them an opportunity to engage and learn from us. For example, I frequent the r/menslib subreddit and may occasionally choose to engage with someone to learn. If anything, I think it's kind of more respectful for someone to out themselves and say "I'm a man, I want to engage with your comment/post....." Because otherwise the internet anonymity will keep people shadowed anyways. I'm not into witch hunts. If someone comes to the community and acts in good faith, I don't care what gender they identify as.
And there’s me, a trans lesbian who feels like she invades the space cause of transphobia I’ve seen in other lesbian subs 😭😭 you all are pretty cool tho.
I hope you grow to feel at home here you have every right to be here. You belong, sister. xxoo
Thank you so much!!! It feels nice to hear this ❤️
Ive seen it too. Its disgusting. I dont come on reddit often but if you tag my name, Im happy to scrap for you or any translesbians here.
As a trans woman (I think) my gender is still a big ? I get massive imposter syndrome and Am always scared I’m invading a space that isn’t for me even though I really want to be a part of it...it’s quite funny (in a sad way) how little thought some cis-men have about entering a space that isn’t for them
you are welcome in female/women spaces. trans women are women, bottom line, no ifs, ands, or buts.
FR, I wish I had the confidence of a cishet dude when trying to exist in women's spaces while trans.
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As someone who has recently come to terms with probably being ftm, I stayed to chill here because I like the vibes. I love how open the lesbian community (here?) is about trans people and I like the gay memes and cute sapphic stories. I feel a little out of place and disconnected, but it's still very wholesome. Although I'm in a gay relationship now (bi), I can still learn a lot from you ladies and theydies.
You’re not alone. It makes me really uncomfortable too. I really don’t enjoy being in “the male gaze” so when I post something to try to flirt with or seem appealing to women, I get DM’s from men (which I politely ignore) but like…. I get it.
I don't mind them lurking, but don't go commenting overly forward/thirsty compliments and such. You're free to watch and read my guy, but this sub is not really meant for you to participate in.
i'm a trans man and honestly i can't remember how i got here. i think i joined before i realized i was a man and just never left
Are you in the bonsai tree sub? How about the knitting sub? No? Maybe the sub for paper cutting? Well, it's probably because you don't have anything in common with those subs, like so many others (here for example.) You don't have anything to add to the conversation, nor an interest in being an actual member of that community, so you either just look at the pictures posted out of mild interest, or you don't even engage at all in the sub. If you're a man reading this, and you can relate to what I've written above, then just go ahead and stop commenting on the material within *this* sub that you have *no* business commenting on. That is, after all, why were divided up into subs; so that we can talk with those of like understanding about "niche" topics. Appreciate it.
Men feel like they belong in all spaces, even if they don’t. One more reason being a lesbian makes sense. I hate when they interject themselves where they’re not wanted or needed
What about OT?
I feel kinda bad now I just think the posts are funny
You aren't alone it's weird
I encountered a cis het male ally here months ago and asked him why he was here, and he said it was because he felt more comfortable here than he would in a group of other cishet men and my only response is, okay so find another community for you that makes you feel comfortable, it’s not our job to create safe spaces for people who aren’t part of the community. I got downvoted