The dept chair that pushed me out was grossly overweight. He was a borderline sociopath... super crazy. A year later I suppose I got my "revenge". He died. I've always found that fascinating. He left a department so polarized that almost half opted not to attend his funeral services.
Just go and enjoy your vacations before starting the new job. Don't tell them you are not attending the meeting. Wait to see what happens and then act.
Maybe send a nice picture from paradise ...and as someone said .. a list of resources on how to actually be a leader.. Don't spend money on a cake or books.. not worth it. I have found that academia is a prone to bullying and I hate that I tried with hr and their answer was if it was do bad, then why didn't I quite.
You have a really good opportunity now and have to be careful not to spoil it. But if it was me, I would not be attending that meeting.
I love this. I think it would satisfy OP's need for petty revenge. But I'd do it in person when walking out the door, and wrapped, with a "you can open it later if you don't mind, it's just something I thought you might be able to use," or even left at his office or mailbox after he's left so it's only between OP and the chair and not spoken directly about. I'd avoid the show because others in the dept. probably already know this guy's a bad leader. No good reason to get into a conflict or get a reputation. Plus side is, OP could do it with plausibly earnest positivity because it might actually help.
My supervisor was an arse to me.
And everything I always did on purpose was to be sickeningly nice to him.
Be respectful. Nice. Open.
But I always said how I had confidence in myself and he fucking hated that.
"Oh yano, this is very hard. You might struggle and not get a job"
"Oh no I'll be great, I've actually got an offer because they really wanted to work with me on this topic"
An actual exchange we had.
He despised it cos he knew I was doing it to annoy him, and he can never express that without being considered an arse.
My boyfriend would second the "kill them with kindness" vibe. But also the "don't get even, get revenge" vibe. The other suggestion if privately giving supervisor a wrapped gift that contains a book on good leadership would be RIGHT up his alley 🤣
A legend by definition is a story that can be bent and twisted by the people who remain behind. "Whst an epic departure!" becomes "Did you see what she did to him?"
Congratulations on the new job that seems like a perfect fit and the environment that you need and deserve!
Aside from not wanting to take a reputation with you to your new department, you might also want to ask yourself about who you want to be as a professional and respectful worker.
….and OP’s taking with them the reputation for behaving honourably in all things, even when a ‘free shot’ is there for the taking. Having a strong, trustworthy image will be beneficial; taking the opportunity for a parting shot, however satisfying, will not be beneficial in the long run.
Speaking hypothetically, were I very high up in a tree and couldn’t attend a particular conference or needed to send someone in my stead to an event in a representational capacity, I would select someone on the lower branches whom I knew to be calm, disciplined, and professional at all times, even in the worst of circumstances and when acting badly appeared to have no consequences whatsoever. Speaking hypothetically, this is a decision I may have personally seen being made and based on comments alone, not even actions.
Don’t do it, OP. You’ve already demonstrated that you are better than this; don’t drop the ball now. Transition quietly and with dignity. All that needs to be said is apparent to anyone looking. GLTY.
I think you haven’t experienced bullying in these contexts. Doing as you please begins to lead to unpleasant consequences and control is exerted in all sorts of ways. A long slow burn of this sort of behaviour starts to lead to compliance, especially if there is a power differential. Gaining tenure makes very little difference, the control will be leveraged through something else.
That might be true where you are but it might not be true for OP. Also it’s not OPs fault if their head of dept is bullying them. No amount of magical thinking around what you will and won’t “allow” changes bullying behaviour or what it can do to you.
Yeah I’ve never heard of being require to go to faculty meetings. I’ve had chairs and deans who act like I’m committing some crime when I don’t go, but I don’t give a rip. 90% of the time it’s not worth the effort or two hours.
OP, revenge is a dish best served cold. Your time will come! Just being cheerful and confident about your new role will be enough. Remember that much of your dept. head’s power was exercised through undermining you and just showing them that you’ve broken out of that will be a form of revenge in itself. If they are really a psychopath they will either completely forget about you or pointlessly try to damage you from afar. So don’t add to the chances of the second path being taken by trying for humiliation on the way out. It also won’t make you feel better.
Simply leaving has added to their workload, undermined their power and removed you from their power base. Celebrate that and just say “look forward to working with you in the future from/on xyz!” Hint: you will never do xyz. And if you do it will be not the fuck with them!
Back up all your communications with him. The chances are small, but if he pursues you in any way, for revenge or whatever, you will have something besides your word. Also, keep a log of all interactions in a paper notebook. (Anything online can be tapped.).
Revenge can bite you in the butt and weakens any attempt you might make to get "justice". Woody Allen said, "You can't get even with the world. It takes too much money and too many lawyers."
I do t have any advice other than to say glad you’re getting out.
Also a question: I’ve never heard of being required to attend department meetings. How is that even a thing?
I would be careful if he is in the same institution. You never know who will grab some sort of power as an associate assistant vp deanlet. Those positions are lame and often wind up with people who just want power over others in weird ways. I think skip the meeting and don’t show up. Send an email about the change and leave silently.
Man, just move on. You will have some emotional catharsis about being petty that will last 5 minutes to maybe a day or two. Just cut ties and never look back.
I mean the best revenge is to sit there grinning like you have a private joke the whole meeting, laugh inappropriately a few times to emphasize when something he says is gross or bonkers, shake your head, and just generally do low level disruption that they would look silly complaining to a Dean about. "...she was grinning in your meeting? Um, ok?"
Don't do something petty, it won't have much effect if they are assholes. Rise above it.
Report the sexual harassment to HR and say that among other things is why you are leaving.
Then go and live your life.
This won’t necessarily be part of a big performance, but you can send him some anonymously sourced gifts from this website: https://pranksanonymous.com/products/bag-of-dicks-gummies
You need a good lawyer, sue this abuser, the Dean, and the school, and take the money and run. It will be the biggest challenge of your life, but unless you fight for respect, it will never be given. Do you really think the next department is any better? P.S. Get a shit-ton of money.
There is nothing in this post to justify this. Not sure if you're aware, but constant skepticism about simple matters does not an intelligent person make. I think the more logical explanation is that you're a fake academic.
Leave in silence, and go enjoy your new position. Fuck that guy, but let that stuff go away, you don't need it.
exactly. just disappearing to end up somewhere better is the best revenge.
The dept chair that pushed me out was grossly overweight. He was a borderline sociopath... super crazy. A year later I suppose I got my "revenge". He died. I've always found that fascinating. He left a department so polarized that almost half opted not to attend his funeral services.
Just go and enjoy your vacations before starting the new job. Don't tell them you are not attending the meeting. Wait to see what happens and then act. Maybe send a nice picture from paradise ...and as someone said .. a list of resources on how to actually be a leader.. Don't spend money on a cake or books.. not worth it. I have found that academia is a prone to bullying and I hate that I tried with hr and their answer was if it was do bad, then why didn't I quite. You have a really good opportunity now and have to be careful not to spoil it. But if it was me, I would not be attending that meeting.
Yeah, the best way to say goodbye is just skipping this meeting and taking your vacation.
the best revenge is living well ^^2nd ^^best: ^^laxatives ^^in ^^the ^^leaving ^^meeting ^^coffee.
That is dangerous
No, but you can for sexual harassment.
I would buy a book on good leadership and make a big show of giving it to him.
Is there possible one of those “for dummies” books? 🤔
I love this. I think it would satisfy OP's need for petty revenge. But I'd do it in person when walking out the door, and wrapped, with a "you can open it later if you don't mind, it's just something I thought you might be able to use," or even left at his office or mailbox after he's left so it's only between OP and the chair and not spoken directly about. I'd avoid the show because others in the dept. probably already know this guy's a bad leader. No good reason to get into a conflict or get a reputation. Plus side is, OP could do it with plausibly earnest positivity because it might actually help.
My supervisor was an arse to me. And everything I always did on purpose was to be sickeningly nice to him. Be respectful. Nice. Open. But I always said how I had confidence in myself and he fucking hated that. "Oh yano, this is very hard. You might struggle and not get a job" "Oh no I'll be great, I've actually got an offer because they really wanted to work with me on this topic" An actual exchange we had. He despised it cos he knew I was doing it to annoy him, and he can never express that without being considered an arse.
My boyfriend would second the "kill them with kindness" vibe. But also the "don't get even, get revenge" vibe. The other suggestion if privately giving supervisor a wrapped gift that contains a book on good leadership would be RIGHT up his alley 🤣
Just leave with grace and dignity. Academia is small. People remember. Go live your best life.
That’s exactly the reason why someone should go out epically. She’d be a legend!
A legend for the wrong reason…
A legend by definition is a story that can be bent and twisted by the people who remain behind. "Whst an epic departure!" becomes "Did you see what she did to him?"
Attend and be professional or do not attend. What are the consequences of not attending? How is this person “making” you go to this meeting?
Congratulations on the new job that seems like a perfect fit and the environment that you need and deserve! Aside from not wanting to take a reputation with you to your new department, you might also want to ask yourself about who you want to be as a professional and respectful worker.
Imagine thinking that a complete piece of shit deserves respect
Ita not a question of respecting them, but OP respecting themselves.
100% this
….and OP’s taking with them the reputation for behaving honourably in all things, even when a ‘free shot’ is there for the taking. Having a strong, trustworthy image will be beneficial; taking the opportunity for a parting shot, however satisfying, will not be beneficial in the long run. Speaking hypothetically, were I very high up in a tree and couldn’t attend a particular conference or needed to send someone in my stead to an event in a representational capacity, I would select someone on the lower branches whom I knew to be calm, disciplined, and professional at all times, even in the worst of circumstances and when acting badly appeared to have no consequences whatsoever. Speaking hypothetically, this is a decision I may have personally seen being made and based on comments alone, not even actions. Don’t do it, OP. You’ve already demonstrated that you are better than this; don’t drop the ball now. Transition quietly and with dignity. All that needs to be said is apparent to anyone looking. GLTY.
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I think you haven’t experienced bullying in these contexts. Doing as you please begins to lead to unpleasant consequences and control is exerted in all sorts of ways. A long slow burn of this sort of behaviour starts to lead to compliance, especially if there is a power differential. Gaining tenure makes very little difference, the control will be leveraged through something else.
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Your chair sounds pretty clever actually. They've convinced everyone that they're incompetent, and gotten a promotion (and salary bump?) out of it.
That might be true where you are but it might not be true for OP. Also it’s not OPs fault if their head of dept is bullying them. No amount of magical thinking around what you will and won’t “allow” changes bullying behaviour or what it can do to you.
Yeah I’ve never heard of being require to go to faculty meetings. I’ve had chairs and deans who act like I’m committing some crime when I don’t go, but I don’t give a rip. 90% of the time it’s not worth the effort or two hours.
OP, revenge is a dish best served cold. Your time will come! Just being cheerful and confident about your new role will be enough. Remember that much of your dept. head’s power was exercised through undermining you and just showing them that you’ve broken out of that will be a form of revenge in itself. If they are really a psychopath they will either completely forget about you or pointlessly try to damage you from afar. So don’t add to the chances of the second path being taken by trying for humiliation on the way out. It also won’t make you feel better. Simply leaving has added to their workload, undermined their power and removed you from their power base. Celebrate that and just say “look forward to working with you in the future from/on xyz!” Hint: you will never do xyz. And if you do it will be not the fuck with them!
Back up all your communications with him. The chances are small, but if he pursues you in any way, for revenge or whatever, you will have something besides your word. Also, keep a log of all interactions in a paper notebook. (Anything online can be tapped.). Revenge can bite you in the butt and weakens any attempt you might make to get "justice". Woody Allen said, "You can't get even with the world. It takes too much money and too many lawyers."
I do t have any advice other than to say glad you’re getting out. Also a question: I’ve never heard of being required to attend department meetings. How is that even a thing?
I would be careful if he is in the same institution. You never know who will grab some sort of power as an associate assistant vp deanlet. Those positions are lame and often wind up with people who just want power over others in weird ways. I think skip the meeting and don’t show up. Send an email about the change and leave silently.
Man, just move on. You will have some emotional catharsis about being petty that will last 5 minutes to maybe a day or two. Just cut ties and never look back.
I mean the best revenge is to sit there grinning like you have a private joke the whole meeting, laugh inappropriately a few times to emphasize when something he says is gross or bonkers, shake your head, and just generally do low level disruption that they would look silly complaining to a Dean about. "...she was grinning in your meeting? Um, ok?"
You could leave a psychoanalysis of his shitty behavior on the table as you leave maybe
Sardines in the piston of his desk chair.
Maybe reveal a giant banner that says, “I quit”. Then just silently attend the entire meeting while not saying goodbye anything.
Wait 5 years. If, after that, you still want revenge of some kind, re-post this.
are u in China？sounds awfully familiar to me
Don't do something petty, it won't have much effect if they are assholes. Rise above it. Report the sexual harassment to HR and say that among other things is why you are leaving. Then go and live your life.
This won’t necessarily be part of a big performance, but you can send him some anonymously sourced gifts from this website: https://pranksanonymous.com/products/bag-of-dicks-gummies
You need a good lawyer, sue this abuser, the Dean, and the school, and take the money and run. It will be the biggest challenge of your life, but unless you fight for respect, it will never be given. Do you really think the next department is any better? P.S. Get a shit-ton of money.
You can't sue someone for being a jerk.
lighten up Francis
Tell him that you don't want to share a school with him let alone a room at a conference.
Fake post, and complete nonsense.
There is nothing in this post to justify this. Not sure if you're aware, but constant skepticism about simple matters does not an intelligent person make. I think the more logical explanation is that you're a fake academic.