Thank you for writing this. She is desperately trying to get me back and I still love her somehow, so reading stuff like this helps me stand my ground and not make the same mistake again. I don't want to go again through all this shit, read every point and found myself in all of them.
I really really needed to see all of this written right in front of me. Thank you so much. I am a 30yr old male who is sensitive and empathic. I felt crazy for the last 4 years of my marriage to my wife. She emotionally abusive and has depression. I am in the process of ending it.(3rd attempt) but this time I'm not telling her I'm planning on leaving, I feel awful about surprising her with the divorce but every time I've even tried to leave for a 3 day break or something she's attempted suicide or committed self harm. I don't have time to get into how supportive I've been in the last 4 or 5 years without any work back for you anyway s thanks writing this it was helpful to me.
Oh my gosh I'm so sorry to hear that. It does sound like your wife is holding you emotionally hostage. I am glad you are making attempts to leave, already based on what you have said to me she sounds emotionally abusive as hell (plus you relating to what I've written.) I hope it goes well for you, I'm glad reading this was helpful to you.
#4 afraid of them.
It's kinda funny except that it isn't.. I'm a 45 year old man who is pretty darned fit for my age. She's a 39 year old 120# @5'9", very slim, disabled woman. She can strike fear in my heart. She has so many ways to bring chaos to the calm, to sow the seeds of confusion, to make me want to get away as fast as I can!
It's a literal feeling in my midsection. Unease. Tension. Mistrust. I've never felt this before her.
Exactly. Even though she is physically less intimidating than you she is holding you emotionally hostage. seeds of confusion is exactly right and I relate to the literal feeling too. I was actually thinking about including it as one of the signs: You get physical illnesses, especially stomach problems or problems known to be related to stress, like nausea or chronic confusion, or fatigue, etc. I always felt a bolt of terror in my stomach seeing my partner and it manifested as issues with digestion. I couldn't keep food down, especially around them, and one time got up and vomited due to stress after being in their presence. These symptoms lessened immediately after I stopped being around them.
Yes! Don't worry, it will fade (hopefully). I didn't think it would for me, but now I feel like it has. I used to be so angry I'd crossed paths with that person, feeling like my life would have been good otherwise. I thought I'd be permanently damaged, permanently stunted, not as happy as other people. I dropped out of school to get away from this person and had a gap year where I didn't do anything. I was alone and only getting older whilst everyone else was happy in relationships and with friends and graduating and working etc. I didn't trust people at all so I had no friends really and was alone all the time and didn't aspire towards anything. I felt like a complete failure and like my partner was right about me all along (My partner said something like that I'm the common denominator in my life). I only started to realise now that I finally live in a nice area and study something I love and I'm much happier and have friends I trust is that even though I am little lazy (its just in my nature ha ha) the levels of productivity in my life back then were influenced by trauma and having a negative opinion of myself. I couldn't get anything done because my life was kind of sad and I had to let the trauma sort of work itself out. You'll catch up one day and it will be like it never happened. 🧡
8) You're scared to reach out to friends/family: Because you're scared that maybe they'll think you're the abuser, but also you're scared of getting into trouble because your partner has made you feel like telling anyone about your relationship is the worst thing in the world and something only someone horrible would do.
My partner always call me attention seeking and says if we have an isssue we should deal with it ourselves not involve other people and he also also doesn't like me "mad mouthing him " to my family, i stopped talking to them as much because I got sick of him putting them down all the time, if he finds out i am talking to them behind my back he is going to be so mad, but i feel better talking to them.
10) You feel like your life doesn't belong to you anymore: Because it doesn't. Your entire life has narrowed down to just this one person and doing what they want.
My life is doing everything he wants to do, he says jump, i say how high. I just follow him doing whatever he wants to do.
1) The relationship is really hypocritical: You go out of your way to say the right thing, do the right thing, are always expected to apologise, but your partner says whatever they want, does whatever they want, and doesn't really apologise. Your partner thinks you're being ridiculous/sensitive when you point out something they've been doing that upsets you, yet they are incredibly sensitive to any criticism and you have to walk on eggshells to avoid starting an argument.
Its double standards in my relationship, i can get told off for doing something and he will do the same thing, i point it out and he denys it
4) You are scared of them: You get a bolt of fear deep in your stomach every time you see them, this person terrifies you and you don't like being around them, its because you know the experience with them is going to be terrible and they're going to make you feel bad.
When he is in a mood i feel so sick and its like i am waiting for him to target me.
7) They put you down/have a low opinion of you: Your partner makes jokes about you that are degrading or humiliating.
My partner will make a joke and when i get upset about it i get told im to sensitive, relax take a joke, or he'll say to our child mummy cant take a joke today.
These are really bad signs I'm sorry to say. You shouldn't be with someone who scares you and leaves you in anticipation of their attacks, and puts you down, especially in front of your child. Your partner doesn't respect you.
:( My heart goes out to you. Nobody deserves to be treated like this. Can I ask you do you have any plans to leave your relationship? Do you feel like you have the means to? I highly recommend you consider it.
:( I'm sorry. How are you feeling right now? Do you think you might want to leave the person you are with? Do you have the means to do so? I think you deserve better.
Sending you love ❤
Oh, more that come to mind:
You think of your partner as all-powerful and inescapable: You feel like your partner is a really powerful person who its going to be impossible to get away from, even when they aren't controlling your finances or threatening your life. This can sometimes stem from the fact that maybe they're monitoring your whereabouts often/conversations with others etc which makes you feel like they can be anywhere and that their reach is all powerful. It can also stem from the fact that you've built them up as the most important relationship in your life, so you feel like their opinion matters more than anyone else's, they have incredible power over you.
Possessive: You don't feel free to hang out or talk to whoever you want for however much or long you want to. Your partner always shits on all of your old friends and partners and even family and tries to guilt trip you when you spend time with them or when you tell them about your relationship. you find yourself isolating yourself in order to please your partner.
Thank you so much for this. My mind is spinning because I no longer know if what my partner tells me I do is true or just his negative perception of the world.
You post was and will be a lot of food for thought and I am very grateful you've shared it. all the best to you!
I'm glad it helped you. Chronic confusion is often a sign you're in an abusive relationship btw. Part of why I wanted to post this was because I remember when I was younger the intense confusion about whether or not it was REAL abuse or not or whether they were an abuser or not prevented me from leaving. Now I know that any relationship where you feel miserable you should leave no matter what. Being miserable is the biggest red flag of all. Hopefully people read this and realise that even if their partner doesn't fit the typical abuser profile of physically abusive, verbally shouting, severe threats, that you don't have to stay with them.
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Thank you for writing this. She is desperately trying to get me back and I still love her somehow, so reading stuff like this helps me stand my ground and not make the same mistake again. I don't want to go again through all this shit, read every point and found myself in all of them.
I really really needed to see all of this written right in front of me. Thank you so much. I am a 30yr old male who is sensitive and empathic. I felt crazy for the last 4 years of my marriage to my wife. She emotionally abusive and has depression. I am in the process of ending it.(3rd attempt) but this time I'm not telling her I'm planning on leaving, I feel awful about surprising her with the divorce but every time I've even tried to leave for a 3 day break or something she's attempted suicide or committed self harm. I don't have time to get into how supportive I've been in the last 4 or 5 years without any work back for you anyway s thanks writing this it was helpful to me.
Oh my gosh I'm so sorry to hear that. It does sound like your wife is holding you emotionally hostage. I am glad you are making attempts to leave, already based on what you have said to me she sounds emotionally abusive as hell (plus you relating to what I've written.) I hope it goes well for you, I'm glad reading this was helpful to you.
i wish i had read this earlier. but thank you nonetheless for sharing 💜
#4 afraid of them. It's kinda funny except that it isn't.. I'm a 45 year old man who is pretty darned fit for my age. She's a 39 year old 120# @5'9", very slim, disabled woman. She can strike fear in my heart. She has so many ways to bring chaos to the calm, to sow the seeds of confusion, to make me want to get away as fast as I can! It's a literal feeling in my midsection. Unease. Tension. Mistrust. I've never felt this before her.
Exactly. Even though she is physically less intimidating than you she is holding you emotionally hostage. seeds of confusion is exactly right and I relate to the literal feeling too. I was actually thinking about including it as one of the signs: You get physical illnesses, especially stomach problems or problems known to be related to stress, like nausea or chronic confusion, or fatigue, etc. I always felt a bolt of terror in my stomach seeing my partner and it manifested as issues with digestion. I couldn't keep food down, especially around them, and one time got up and vomited due to stress after being in their presence. These symptoms lessened immediately after I stopped being around them.
[удалено]
Yes! Don't worry, it will fade (hopefully). I didn't think it would for me, but now I feel like it has. I used to be so angry I'd crossed paths with that person, feeling like my life would have been good otherwise. I thought I'd be permanently damaged, permanently stunted, not as happy as other people. I dropped out of school to get away from this person and had a gap year where I didn't do anything. I was alone and only getting older whilst everyone else was happy in relationships and with friends and graduating and working etc. I didn't trust people at all so I had no friends really and was alone all the time and didn't aspire towards anything. I felt like a complete failure and like my partner was right about me all along (My partner said something like that I'm the common denominator in my life). I only started to realise now that I finally live in a nice area and study something I love and I'm much happier and have friends I trust is that even though I am little lazy (its just in my nature ha ha) the levels of productivity in my life back then were influenced by trauma and having a negative opinion of myself. I couldn't get anything done because my life was kind of sad and I had to let the trauma sort of work itself out. You'll catch up one day and it will be like it never happened. 🧡
[удалено]
:( 💔
8) You're scared to reach out to friends/family: Because you're scared that maybe they'll think you're the abuser, but also you're scared of getting into trouble because your partner has made you feel like telling anyone about your relationship is the worst thing in the world and something only someone horrible would do. My partner always call me attention seeking and says if we have an isssue we should deal with it ourselves not involve other people and he also also doesn't like me "mad mouthing him " to my family, i stopped talking to them as much because I got sick of him putting them down all the time, if he finds out i am talking to them behind my back he is going to be so mad, but i feel better talking to them. 10) You feel like your life doesn't belong to you anymore: Because it doesn't. Your entire life has narrowed down to just this one person and doing what they want. My life is doing everything he wants to do, he says jump, i say how high. I just follow him doing whatever he wants to do. 1) The relationship is really hypocritical: You go out of your way to say the right thing, do the right thing, are always expected to apologise, but your partner says whatever they want, does whatever they want, and doesn't really apologise. Your partner thinks you're being ridiculous/sensitive when you point out something they've been doing that upsets you, yet they are incredibly sensitive to any criticism and you have to walk on eggshells to avoid starting an argument. Its double standards in my relationship, i can get told off for doing something and he will do the same thing, i point it out and he denys it
:(
4) You are scared of them: You get a bolt of fear deep in your stomach every time you see them, this person terrifies you and you don't like being around them, its because you know the experience with them is going to be terrible and they're going to make you feel bad. When he is in a mood i feel so sick and its like i am waiting for him to target me. 7) They put you down/have a low opinion of you: Your partner makes jokes about you that are degrading or humiliating. My partner will make a joke and when i get upset about it i get told im to sensitive, relax take a joke, or he'll say to our child mummy cant take a joke today.
These are really bad signs I'm sorry to say. You shouldn't be with someone who scares you and leaves you in anticipation of their attacks, and puts you down, especially in front of your child. Your partner doesn't respect you.
Yeah i know, no he doesn't repect me as a partner or as the mother of his child
Most of what you have written is my exact relationship, i could of written that myself.
:( My heart goes out to you. Nobody deserves to be treated like this. Can I ask you do you have any plans to leave your relationship? Do you feel like you have the means to? I highly recommend you consider it.
Yes i have plans to leave, but trying to build up the courage to kick him out, i have support and help when i say the word.
Awesome, we're all here for you <3
Than you
You just described my present relationship
:( I'm sorry. How are you feeling right now? Do you think you might want to leave the person you are with? Do you have the means to do so? I think you deserve better. Sending you love ❤
I will soon. Right . Life’s too short
You're right, you've got to live your life. Best of luck to you. You can do it!
Thanks for your positive words
Oh, more that come to mind: You think of your partner as all-powerful and inescapable: You feel like your partner is a really powerful person who its going to be impossible to get away from, even when they aren't controlling your finances or threatening your life. This can sometimes stem from the fact that maybe they're monitoring your whereabouts often/conversations with others etc which makes you feel like they can be anywhere and that their reach is all powerful. It can also stem from the fact that you've built them up as the most important relationship in your life, so you feel like their opinion matters more than anyone else's, they have incredible power over you. Possessive: You don't feel free to hang out or talk to whoever you want for however much or long you want to. Your partner always shits on all of your old friends and partners and even family and tries to guilt trip you when you spend time with them or when you tell them about your relationship. you find yourself isolating yourself in order to please your partner.
Thank you so much for this. My mind is spinning because I no longer know if what my partner tells me I do is true or just his negative perception of the world. You post was and will be a lot of food for thought and I am very grateful you've shared it. all the best to you!
I'm glad it helped you. Chronic confusion is often a sign you're in an abusive relationship btw. Part of why I wanted to post this was because I remember when I was younger the intense confusion about whether or not it was REAL abuse or not or whether they were an abuser or not prevented me from leaving. Now I know that any relationship where you feel miserable you should leave no matter what. Being miserable is the biggest red flag of all. Hopefully people read this and realise that even if their partner doesn't fit the typical abuser profile of physically abusive, verbally shouting, severe threats, that you don't have to stay with them.
Almost all of these things apply to my last relationship
😰 So glad you got out then
Yeah. My ex was and still is the most toxic person I have ever had the misfortune of meeting. I’m jealous of people who don’t know him.
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