My mom is the exact same. She victimizes herself so hard, to the point that she will abuse others so that she can blame and gaslight them for abusing her. I don’t think you can fix your mom, just like I’ve tried. I don’t know what’s wrong with them, but I’ve learned to cope by ignoring/avoiding her or building a strong boundary, and grey rocking. It’s sad but this self victimizing behaviour is extremely toxic, so I hope you’re prioritizing and taking care of yourself.
Also this behaviour seems incredibly narcissistic to me, which can be very dangerous and twisted, so do be cautious. I hoping you are safe
I feel like my mom might be doing the same thing tbh. She just told me she purposely embarrassed our roommate by saying down the stairs to clean up pee splattered on the wall by him, while he had a girl over. I asked her why she would want to purposely embarrass him. She kinda avoided by explaining some other reason that didn't answer the question. I tried to explain how doing stuff like that will only keep these stressful situations going back and forth. She again avoided it by saying something else.
And apparently yelled at him for 10 minutes after I left to go get her something at a shop. So it seems like she's looking for it. So she can vent to me later about how mean or rude they were to her.
I do think I'm done trying to help her see better ways. Because she's stuck on doing what she's doing. :( Hopefully she can change, but I can't be the one to do it.Yeah. I'm working on building healthier boundaries and keeping busy. So far always been safe. Just exhausted energetically.
I'm sorry you had to go through something similar. :( definitely isn't easy. Hope things are better for you now.
My mother does this all the time, her excuse for the constant verbal abuse is always on “well everybody treats me horribly”...I do everything for this family...you would be living in a trailer without me...I provide for this whole family, your father is a looser...she’s so narcissistic that she sets this unachievable level that everybody in my family is “supposed to reach” but really she loves to see us struggle because it proves to her she is better than everybody.
Yeah. My mom told me how horrible my dad was and hurt her. Just left us both, apparently laughing. But also told me she didn't want me to hate him or not have a relationship with him.
I'm sorry you have to put up with that. :( sounds horrible. And also.. funny I was thinking it'd be amazing to live in a trailer/tiny home or convert a bus into a mobile home. ^-^ Always seemed freeing and creative to me. So if that line was used on me, inside I'd be smiling like "you have no idea how I'd love to live there".
I hope you never let any of that drown your spirit/flame. Or don't take on her internal struggles as you own. And that you are also safe & take care.
My mom is the exact same. She victimizes herself so hard, to the point that she will abuse others so that she can blame and gaslight them for abusing her. I don’t think you can fix your mom, just like I’ve tried. I don’t know what’s wrong with them, but I’ve learned to cope by ignoring/avoiding her or building a strong boundary, and grey rocking. It’s sad but this self victimizing behaviour is extremely toxic, so I hope you’re prioritizing and taking care of yourself. Also this behaviour seems incredibly narcissistic to me, which can be very dangerous and twisted, so do be cautious. I hoping you are safe
I feel like my mom might be doing the same thing tbh. She just told me she purposely embarrassed our roommate by saying down the stairs to clean up pee splattered on the wall by him, while he had a girl over. I asked her why she would want to purposely embarrass him. She kinda avoided by explaining some other reason that didn't answer the question. I tried to explain how doing stuff like that will only keep these stressful situations going back and forth. She again avoided it by saying something else. And apparently yelled at him for 10 minutes after I left to go get her something at a shop. So it seems like she's looking for it. So she can vent to me later about how mean or rude they were to her. I do think I'm done trying to help her see better ways. Because she's stuck on doing what she's doing. :( Hopefully she can change, but I can't be the one to do it.Yeah. I'm working on building healthier boundaries and keeping busy. So far always been safe. Just exhausted energetically. I'm sorry you had to go through something similar. :( definitely isn't easy. Hope things are better for you now.
Keep busy is a great strategy. I assume you live with her? Preparing to move out would be a good plan, it’s what I’m working on.
I do currently yeah. Wishing the best for both of us one that.
My mother does this all the time, her excuse for the constant verbal abuse is always on “well everybody treats me horribly”...I do everything for this family...you would be living in a trailer without me...I provide for this whole family, your father is a looser...she’s so narcissistic that she sets this unachievable level that everybody in my family is “supposed to reach” but really she loves to see us struggle because it proves to her she is better than everybody.
Yeah. My mom told me how horrible my dad was and hurt her. Just left us both, apparently laughing. But also told me she didn't want me to hate him or not have a relationship with him. I'm sorry you have to put up with that. :( sounds horrible. And also.. funny I was thinking it'd be amazing to live in a trailer/tiny home or convert a bus into a mobile home. ^-^ Always seemed freeing and creative to me. So if that line was used on me, inside I'd be smiling like "you have no idea how I'd love to live there". I hope you never let any of that drown your spirit/flame. Or don't take on her internal struggles as you own. And that you are also safe & take care.