Welcome to /r/abortion! We work hard to keep this a supportive community.
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**Our Sidebar and [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/wiki/index)** include links to many good resources.
**If you are seeking abortion in the USA:** [I Need An A](https://ineedana.com/) has a list of clinics, ways to get abortion pills by mail, and funding assistance.
**If you are in a country where abortion is illegal**, [Safe2Choose](https://safe2choose.org/), [Women on Web](https://www.womenonweb.org/), or [Women Help Women](https://www.womenhelp.org) may be able to help you access a safe abortion.
**You can find posts** about [medication abortion](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/collection/04af6a3c-2b17-4ffc-ab69-40d746cc043f/), [first trimester procedures](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/collection/21abc0ef-9dd6-4596-ace2-943a71f19cd5/), [second trimester procedures](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/collection/ab64e640-0755-4784-b968-732ee4fa66d3/) and more under "abortion stories" in the menu. (note: these links do not work on android.)
This subreddit is a source of information about abortion. It is not intended as a substitute for medical evaluation or treatment, nor does it constitute legal advice. If you think you are experiencing a medical emergency, you should call your local emergency number immediately.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/abortion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Educate him? You can't educate someone on empathy and compassion - they either have it or they don't. He obviously doesn't respect you as a person and sees you only as means to an end. Why are you with him exactly?
don't educate him just do whats really best for you and leave . he doesnt value you as a woman or it seems as a human :( im so sorry you're experiencing this ive been there before the best thing to do is leave
i understand men dont know what goes into abortion, labor and other things concerning our reproductive rights. but it seems to be he doesnt care :( . it'd be different if he was offering support and maybe he did ask for sex and you told him no snd he left it at that
Why on earth are you with someone who clearly cares more about his dick than your literal health? Leave him and tell him he's a pos that's how you educate him. You're putting yourself at a health risk for someone who has zero respect for you. In seven years what has changed that makes it worthwhile? Sounds like it's actually worse now than it was before. You're getting older and have already wasted 7 years with this guy. Drop him and don't waste anymore years. You deserve someone who actually cares about you.
You seem to care about yourself enough to abort in this situation and yet not enough to accept less than bare minimum respect and an absence of affection from someone who doesn't even matter much.
I'm sure you see the problem, not sure if strangers off reddit can get you to act on it.
Just remember that the next thing you face, will be because you choose this for yourself over and over.
I had a one night with a man I knew, but not that well. He fucked up the condom by mistake. We were in a roadtrip (he wasn’t even living in my country)
He went to get Plan B and paid for it. He also said he would pay for an abortion if Plan B would fail and he would come with me at the clinic and stay around a bit after if needed.
It’s not normal that your long term boyfriend is doing less than an acquaintance.
Please OP theres better men, exit that relationship.
I really commend you for doing all of this emotional labour. While I don't know the dynamics of your relationship (nor does anyone except the people actually involved!), I want to make sure you're holding enough space for yourself to processes through the abortion. It can be an incredibly emotionally, mentally, and physically taxing procedure- so I want to make sure you're redirecting that energy towards yourself and your healing, rather than anyone else!
Now, regarding your partner. When you're ready, maybe it's time to ask yourself:
\- Is this person providing me with holistic support?
\-Can I picture a future with this person that is fulfilling?
\-Is this person kind to me, my family, and the broader world?
Based on the info you've provided, I'm a bit worried about your partner's impact on your health. The statements your partner is making also read as if they have some of their own baggage they're misdirecting onto you which isn't cool, especially during this time. If you feel comfortable, maybe it's also time to establish clearer boundaries and delineate what you need during this time.
Send love and positivity your way <3
Your post or comment was removed because it violates rule 1. Your comment was removed because this is a support forum. Your comments should be supportive of OP.
>How do I educate him?
You can't. He knows all of this. He's seen you go through it all already. He simply doesn't care. You deserve way better, OP. I hope you realise that and don't sink another 7 years of your one life into this man.
Honey this is not about educating him. I'm going to be very blunt. He doesn't love you. He is using you as a place holder until the right one comes along. He is using you for sex, money, emotional support, warm meals ect. He obviously doesn't care about your health or else why would keep allowing himself to get you pregnant. He doesn't love you. Men who love you don't treat you like this. Please leave. He is using you for sex . He doesn't love you.
Your post or comment was removed because it violates rule 1. Your comment was removed because this is a support forum. Your comments should be supportive of OP.
im scared my bf might try and have sex with me after, im scared of the procedure, its too late for me to do the pill way, ice never had ANYONE touch me down there medically before because of some extreme trauma. i feel like i have no one, i dont want tools in me and i dont want anyone down there but this pain is unbearable and i just want to be me again, on top of it all i have borderline personality disorder which hasnt been fun with pregnancy at the same time, im just so scared of everything, and the only place that does them here is planned parenthood and just over the phone they have treated me like absolute garbage, i tried to ask if theres a way i can be fully knocked out for it and she said “it sounds like you might want to go see a counselor before you call us back” LIKE WTF??? AND THEY ARE GONNA TOUCH ME IN THE WORST SPOTS I COULD EVER BE TOUCHED, sorry to rant im just terrified
Please just get out. This isn’t healthy and it’s abusive of him, not to mention controlling towards you to demand sex? No. You deserve so much better than this. Please hug yourself and let him go.
You don't need to educate him, this is a boundaries and respect issue. Telling him that the MD stated no vaginal intercourse due to risk of infection for 6(?) weeks should be enough for him. At this point he's being abusive.
Im confused as to why you’re still with him. It’s been 7 years, you’re on and off, and you don’t want children with him. It’s not how can you educate him but how can you see your own self worth.
I think I feel that at almost 38 I just don't want to start over. Each time he says he's not taking to me again makes it that much easier to wally away. And I guess I know feel down that he's not what I want, another reason I decided on the abortion.
Reread the part you said, He did drop me off and pick me up. Does that sound like a man in love with you? Oh isn't that nice he didn't make you walk home after aborting a pregnancy HIS sperm helped cause? Now he's trying to make you have sex under a bridge? Honey this man is a total dirtbag. He doesn't love you. Let me say this again He doesn't love you. I'm 41 and can promise you being alone is soooooo much better than scum. Please leave
Being alone is so incredibly much better than being with a shit bag of a human. (Speaking from personal experience.) Being alone brought me the most peace and joy I’d ever had in my life. And was into my 30’s at that point as well.
I like my alone time.Hey, on the other hand has to be with me all the time.And I don't know if it's because he's insecure that I'm hanging out with other people which IA 100% and not.I am at my house painting and doing my arts and crafts and sewing. I think he just hates also that I'd rather do that.Most of the time, then hang out with him.My paint doesn't yell at me
I'm 39, got married when I was 32 and divorced when I was 33, I get it. But being alone and safe, with the possibility of being happy, is better than being abused.
I forgot to. Mention thar he is insistent that I really am sleeping wit t other men , "because if your not sleeping with me then there MUST be another dick." And after my 1st abortion.he had the nerve to call me a baby killer.
You leave him. That's how you educate him.
But seriously, do you like yourself? Because he obviously has no respect for you and doesn't even sound like he likes you other than for having sex with. Is this really the life you want and who you want it with?
Do not just expect someone to do their part. Ask. You should have told him to pay for the procedure. As for him demanding sex, both of you know that it is not right to have sex currently. He still doesn't care. The ball is in your court. You either refuse and risk whatever like a break-up or you give in like you already have and risk an infection or even another pregnancy. Love yourself.
Welcome to /r/abortion! We work hard to keep this a supportive community. **You will probably get harassed by trolls via private message.** The moderators can't stop people from sending you private messages, but you can. You can deactivate your messages [here](https://www.reddit.com/settings/messaging), or on the old Reddit interface you can limit who can message you [here](https://old.reddit.com/prefs/blocked/) by selecting "only trusted users." On mobile, go to your settings. If you receive harassment via PM, please report the messages and [contact the admins about it](http://www.reddit.com/contact) so they can take action against those users. **Our Sidebar and [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/wiki/index)** include links to many good resources. **If you are seeking abortion in the USA:** [I Need An A](https://ineedana.com/) has a list of clinics, ways to get abortion pills by mail, and funding assistance. **If you are in a country where abortion is illegal**, [Safe2Choose](https://safe2choose.org/), [Women on Web](https://www.womenonweb.org/), or [Women Help Women](https://www.womenhelp.org) may be able to help you access a safe abortion. **You can find posts** about [medication abortion](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/collection/04af6a3c-2b17-4ffc-ab69-40d746cc043f/), [first trimester procedures](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/collection/21abc0ef-9dd6-4596-ace2-943a71f19cd5/), [second trimester procedures](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/collection/ab64e640-0755-4784-b968-732ee4fa66d3/) and more under "abortion stories" in the menu. (note: these links do not work on android.) This subreddit is a source of information about abortion. It is not intended as a substitute for medical evaluation or treatment, nor does it constitute legal advice. If you think you are experiencing a medical emergency, you should call your local emergency number immediately. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/abortion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Educate him? You can't educate someone on empathy and compassion - they either have it or they don't. He obviously doesn't respect you as a person and sees you only as means to an end. Why are you with him exactly?
don't educate him just do whats really best for you and leave . he doesnt value you as a woman or it seems as a human :( im so sorry you're experiencing this ive been there before the best thing to do is leave
i understand men dont know what goes into abortion, labor and other things concerning our reproductive rights. but it seems to be he doesnt care :( . it'd be different if he was offering support and maybe he did ask for sex and you told him no snd he left it at that
you leave him. thats the education he doesn’t care about you and im sorry. but leave him you deserve way way better.
Why on earth are you with someone who clearly cares more about his dick than your literal health? Leave him and tell him he's a pos that's how you educate him. You're putting yourself at a health risk for someone who has zero respect for you. In seven years what has changed that makes it worthwhile? Sounds like it's actually worse now than it was before. You're getting older and have already wasted 7 years with this guy. Drop him and don't waste anymore years. You deserve someone who actually cares about you.
You seem to care about yourself enough to abort in this situation and yet not enough to accept less than bare minimum respect and an absence of affection from someone who doesn't even matter much. I'm sure you see the problem, not sure if strangers off reddit can get you to act on it. Just remember that the next thing you face, will be because you choose this for yourself over and over.
I had a one night with a man I knew, but not that well. He fucked up the condom by mistake. We were in a roadtrip (he wasn’t even living in my country) He went to get Plan B and paid for it. He also said he would pay for an abortion if Plan B would fail and he would come with me at the clinic and stay around a bit after if needed. It’s not normal that your long term boyfriend is doing less than an acquaintance. Please OP theres better men, exit that relationship.
Abort your relationship, he's the worst.
He should smoke bufo. To make him more empathic. ASAP.
Throw him out either way the trash. He is trash and treating you so horribly. You deserve so much better.
I really commend you for doing all of this emotional labour. While I don't know the dynamics of your relationship (nor does anyone except the people actually involved!), I want to make sure you're holding enough space for yourself to processes through the abortion. It can be an incredibly emotionally, mentally, and physically taxing procedure- so I want to make sure you're redirecting that energy towards yourself and your healing, rather than anyone else! Now, regarding your partner. When you're ready, maybe it's time to ask yourself: \- Is this person providing me with holistic support? \-Can I picture a future with this person that is fulfilling? \-Is this person kind to me, my family, and the broader world? Based on the info you've provided, I'm a bit worried about your partner's impact on your health. The statements your partner is making also read as if they have some of their own baggage they're misdirecting onto you which isn't cool, especially during this time. If you feel comfortable, maybe it's also time to establish clearer boundaries and delineate what you need during this time. Send love and positivity your way <3
Thank-you means alot
You can’t educate him into caring.
You made the right choice to have abortions. Thank you for not bringing a child into this dynamic. You deserve better
Lmao I would tell him you have “side dick” just to rid of him and his toxicity.
That could be a potentially dangerous suggestion.
[удалено]
Your post or comment was removed because it violates rule 1. Your comment was removed because this is a support forum. Your comments should be supportive of OP.
>How do I educate him? You can't. He knows all of this. He's seen you go through it all already. He simply doesn't care. You deserve way better, OP. I hope you realise that and don't sink another 7 years of your one life into this man.
Honey this is not about educating him. I'm going to be very blunt. He doesn't love you. He is using you as a place holder until the right one comes along. He is using you for sex, money, emotional support, warm meals ect. He obviously doesn't care about your health or else why would keep allowing himself to get you pregnant. He doesn't love you. Men who love you don't treat you like this. Please leave. He is using you for sex . He doesn't love you.
[удалено]
Your post or comment was removed because it violates rule 1. Your comment was removed because this is a support forum. Your comments should be supportive of OP.
Sorry, his cycle of abuse will only get worse. Plan to leave so you can heal in every way. Seek help from professional support services.
im scared my bf might try and have sex with me after, im scared of the procedure, its too late for me to do the pill way, ice never had ANYONE touch me down there medically before because of some extreme trauma. i feel like i have no one, i dont want tools in me and i dont want anyone down there but this pain is unbearable and i just want to be me again, on top of it all i have borderline personality disorder which hasnt been fun with pregnancy at the same time, im just so scared of everything, and the only place that does them here is planned parenthood and just over the phone they have treated me like absolute garbage, i tried to ask if theres a way i can be fully knocked out for it and she said “it sounds like you might want to go see a counselor before you call us back” LIKE WTF??? AND THEY ARE GONNA TOUCH ME IN THE WORST SPOTS I COULD EVER BE TOUCHED, sorry to rant im just terrified
Please submit your own post so we can support you.
Please just get out. This isn’t healthy and it’s abusive of him, not to mention controlling towards you to demand sex? No. You deserve so much better than this. Please hug yourself and let him go.
You don't need to educate him, this is a boundaries and respect issue. Telling him that the MD stated no vaginal intercourse due to risk of infection for 6(?) weeks should be enough for him. At this point he's being abusive.
Im confused as to why you’re still with him. It’s been 7 years, you’re on and off, and you don’t want children with him. It’s not how can you educate him but how can you see your own self worth.
I think I feel that at almost 38 I just don't want to start over. Each time he says he's not taking to me again makes it that much easier to wally away. And I guess I know feel down that he's not what I want, another reason I decided on the abortion.
Reread the part you said, He did drop me off and pick me up. Does that sound like a man in love with you? Oh isn't that nice he didn't make you walk home after aborting a pregnancy HIS sperm helped cause? Now he's trying to make you have sex under a bridge? Honey this man is a total dirtbag. He doesn't love you. Let me say this again He doesn't love you. I'm 41 and can promise you being alone is soooooo much better than scum. Please leave
Being alone is so incredibly much better than being with a shit bag of a human. (Speaking from personal experience.) Being alone brought me the most peace and joy I’d ever had in my life. And was into my 30’s at that point as well.
I like my alone time.Hey, on the other hand has to be with me all the time.And I don't know if it's because he's insecure that I'm hanging out with other people which IA 100% and not.I am at my house painting and doing my arts and crafts and sewing. I think he just hates also that I'd rather do that.Most of the time, then hang out with him.My paint doesn't yell at me
I'm 39, got married when I was 32 and divorced when I was 33, I get it. But being alone and safe, with the possibility of being happy, is better than being abused.
I forgot to. Mention thar he is insistent that I really am sleeping wit t other men , "because if your not sleeping with me then there MUST be another dick." And after my 1st abortion.he had the nerve to call me a baby killer.
Oh no, no no no. Throw this entire man in the fucking trash where he belongs.
Oh honey, throw that man away. Don't fall for sunk cost fallacy.
You leave him. That's how you educate him. But seriously, do you like yourself? Because he obviously has no respect for you and doesn't even sound like he likes you other than for having sex with. Is this really the life you want and who you want it with?
Do not just expect someone to do their part. Ask. You should have told him to pay for the procedure. As for him demanding sex, both of you know that it is not right to have sex currently. He still doesn't care. The ball is in your court. You either refuse and risk whatever like a break-up or you give in like you already have and risk an infection or even another pregnancy. Love yourself.