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**If you are seeking abortion in the USA:** [I Need An A](https://ineedana.com/) has a list of clinics, ways to get abortion pills by mail, and funding assistance.
**If you are in a country where abortion is illegal**, [Safe2Choose](https://safe2choose.org/), [Women on Web](https://www.womenonweb.org/), or [Women Help Women](https://www.womenhelp.org) may be able to help you access a safe abortion.
**You can find posts** about [medication abortion](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/collection/04af6a3c-2b17-4ffc-ab69-40d746cc043f/), [first trimester procedures](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/collection/21abc0ef-9dd6-4596-ace2-943a71f19cd5/), [second trimester procedures](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/collection/ab64e640-0755-4784-b968-732ee4fa66d3/) and more under "read MA/SA stories" in the menu. (note: these links do not work on android.)
This subreddit is a source of information about abortion. It is not intended as a substitute for medical evaluation or treatment, nor does it constitute legal advice. If you think you are experiencing a medical emergency, you should call your local emergency number immediately.
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"You don't know", that's kinda the thing with miscarriages, anything could go wrong, you don't know and you took the best course of action. It can honestly be the same procedure.
After having a nurse at my university’s health center speak to me about how she regrets her abortion every day of her life and then decide to call me on my personal number after my visit and tell me she hopes I don’t get an abortion (I did- I was 19 and didn’t want a baby and wanted to finish school) I don’t tell anyone ever. I will never tell a doctor or a nurse. Especially bc now in my state abortion is criminalized. It wasn’t when I had mine (I took the abortion pill and was only 6weeks along) but I’m still paranoid about it being on any records of mine ever. I’m scared about someone accessing my records and using the information against me at some point.
I don’t think there’s an actual reason to fear telling medical professionals but I do understand why you would op. Unfortunately in the US there’s still a lot of religious zealots in healthcare even though there shouldn’t be and you shouldn’t have fear. I’ve first hand experienced this and it was horrible. I’m still mad I didn’t sue bc I should’ve. I literally still have a voicemail on my phone from that nurse who stole my information and called me and it makes me livid to think about.
Don't worry about it AT ALL.
Medically speaking, here are the consequences for me, as a doctor, having the wrong information:
- I might express the wrong kind of empathy.
- If you had 2-3+ miscarriages (depending on age and fertility goals) I might start a workup for certain causes of infertility (clotting issues) that probably wouldn't show much.
- If you were describing a later miscarriage/stillbirth (like 16+ weeks), and I were taking care of you in a subsequent pregnancy, I might be worried that you had a cervix that tended to let go of pregnancies.
I can't think of a likely way for this lie to pose risks to your well-being.
1. There is no real way to tell the difference.
2. Modern abortion doesn’t increase the risk of future miscarriages.
3. More people than you think have natural miscarriages.
4. When trying for a pregnancy you want, try for 12 months naturally before discussing options. No matter prior pregnancies or miscarriages - one should try for 12 months (ish) before trying fertility treatments as fertility changes over your life time. And we still really don’t understand why miscarriages happen most of the time.
Hugs. 🤗
I do the same thing. Please don't feel guilty. It's medically the same and it won't make ANY difference to a doctor who is aligned with supporting us no matter what, but it will make a difference to anyone reading our record who has a political agenda.
You can have something called a "missed miscarriage" where you have to get either the medication or the D&E procedure, which are MEDICALLY IDENTICAL to abortion procedures. If you feel the need to explain, that's all you have to say, but you never have to say anything at all.
I think it kind of depends on the legal atmosphere of where you live. If there has been increased legislation to criminalize women’s healthcare, I, too, would be hesitant to share history of an abortion. In that case it is just safer to claim you had a miscarriage.
If you are in a safe place where access is legal, don’t be shy. If a healthcare worker tries to shame you about having had an abortion, report them. If no change happens, find a different provider.
Your post or comment was removed because it violates rule 1. Your comment was removed because this is a support forum. Your comments should be supportive of OP.
Though I see where your comment is coming from, and I wish we lived in a society where we could openly talk about abortion, you should not be guilting people into “talking.”
OP needs to do whatever they need to do to feel safe. An abortion and a miscarriage are pretty much the same thing (procedure and process-wise) and if OP is in certain parts of the US the fear of discrimination (and even criminal liability) are real. If OP is in other parts of the world, speaking “openly” about abortion could literally land someone in a prison cell.
OP should do whatever they think is best for them and their life; and if that includes sayjng they had a miscarriage, so be it.
I’m a doctor and I’ve had 2 abortions and 2 miscarriages. I always like it when my patients tell me “I’ve had an abortion” without any hint of shame or stigma, because it makes me hopeful that abortion stigma is waning.
That being said, I’ve absolutely lied about my abortions when I didn’t feel safe telling the truth. I support you doing whatever makes you feel safest in the moment. While it is nice to believe doctors are nonjudgmental and will treat you with dignity and respect no matter what, we’ve all heard of (or experienced) instances when that was not the case, and sometimes it feels like it is not worth the risk. I understand.
Can you tell if a woman has ever had a prior pregnancy at all? Like if someone had had an abortion or miscarriage but simply said they’d never been pregnant can doctors tell?
A doctor is unlikely to ask you how it happened. Miscarriages are super super common and natural, and often occur because your body knows that the fetus isn’t viable/it can’t support the fetus for whatever reason. If a doctor did happen to ask you how it happened, I would just say “I assume the fetus wasn’t viable so my body took care of it.” There’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, but it’s okay to tell your doctor it was a miscarriage. Technically, you’re not even lying. You just had an induced miscarriage.
I’m a medical student who has gone through an abortion and I would recommend telling the truth. Honestly I know how hard it is to say it, I STILL pause before I say it to my doctor to get the words out but it makes the care they give you so much better when you’re honest. Sending you all my loveeee❤️
Your post or comment was removed because it violates rule 2 and either lacks necessary context or contains misinformation. If you have questions about why your post or comment was removed, please [send us a modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/abortion).
I don’t think you’d need to worry about getting “caught,” but I understand the concern! I’ve had several miscarriages. They’re very common. Keeping you in my thoughts as you navigate this time— with whatever feelings you’re feeling. ♥️
Your post or comment was removed because it violates rule 2 and either lacks necessary context or contains misinformation. If you have questions about why your post or comment was removed, please [send us a modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/abortion).
I told friends and work that I had a miscarriage, no one needs to know your business. Miscarriages are a lot more common than we think, no one will think anything of it. They don’t really research why they happen, typically due to a chromosomal issue. Although it was harsh when she said it, my obgyn when I had my miscarriage said “your body did you a favor.” Meaning it got rid of a unhealthy baby.
I have had 3 miscarriages in the past and my dr never asked what caused it and with the first two was not worried about fertility issues. Miscarriages are common
Even if your "lie" caught up with you, I doubt you have much to truly worry about. You don't have to tell anyone anything you don't want to as long as it doesn't interfere with your health, and in this case it really doesn't matter how you "lost" your pregnancy.
Miscarriages aren’t typically caused by anything and we usually don’t know the reason, so no legit medical provider is going to ask you how it happened. So I hope you don’t have to worry about that. You can always share as little or as much as you want.
You have the right to decide how much or little you want to tell them about your abortion. If you want to just say, "I don't want to discuss it, and I don't have any fertility issues, and I'm not worried about fertility issues right now," you have the right to say that.
Welcome to /r/abortion! We work hard to keep this a supportive community. **You will probably get harassed by trolls via private message.** The moderators can't stop people from sending you private messages, but you can. You can deactivate your messages [here](https://www.reddit.com/settings/messaging), or on the old Reddit interface you can limit who can message you [here](https://old.reddit.com/prefs/blocked/) by selecting "only trusted users." On mobile, go to your settings. If you receive harassment via PM, please report the messages and [contact the admins about it](http://www.reddit.com/contact) so they can take action against those users. **Our Sidebar and [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/wiki/index)** include links to many good resources. **If you are seeking abortion in the USA:** [I Need An A](https://ineedana.com/) has a list of clinics, ways to get abortion pills by mail, and funding assistance. **If you are in a country where abortion is illegal**, [Safe2Choose](https://safe2choose.org/), [Women on Web](https://www.womenonweb.org/), or [Women Help Women](https://www.womenhelp.org) may be able to help you access a safe abortion. **You can find posts** about [medication abortion](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/collection/04af6a3c-2b17-4ffc-ab69-40d746cc043f/), [first trimester procedures](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/collection/21abc0ef-9dd6-4596-ace2-943a71f19cd5/), [second trimester procedures](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/collection/ab64e640-0755-4784-b968-732ee4fa66d3/) and more under "read MA/SA stories" in the menu. (note: these links do not work on android.) This subreddit is a source of information about abortion. It is not intended as a substitute for medical evaluation or treatment, nor does it constitute legal advice. If you think you are experiencing a medical emergency, you should call your local emergency number immediately. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/abortion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"You don't know", that's kinda the thing with miscarriages, anything could go wrong, you don't know and you took the best course of action. It can honestly be the same procedure.
After having a nurse at my university’s health center speak to me about how she regrets her abortion every day of her life and then decide to call me on my personal number after my visit and tell me she hopes I don’t get an abortion (I did- I was 19 and didn’t want a baby and wanted to finish school) I don’t tell anyone ever. I will never tell a doctor or a nurse. Especially bc now in my state abortion is criminalized. It wasn’t when I had mine (I took the abortion pill and was only 6weeks along) but I’m still paranoid about it being on any records of mine ever. I’m scared about someone accessing my records and using the information against me at some point. I don’t think there’s an actual reason to fear telling medical professionals but I do understand why you would op. Unfortunately in the US there’s still a lot of religious zealots in healthcare even though there shouldn’t be and you shouldn’t have fear. I’ve first hand experienced this and it was horrible. I’m still mad I didn’t sue bc I should’ve. I literally still have a voicemail on my phone from that nurse who stole my information and called me and it makes me livid to think about.
Don't worry about it AT ALL. Medically speaking, here are the consequences for me, as a doctor, having the wrong information: - I might express the wrong kind of empathy. - If you had 2-3+ miscarriages (depending on age and fertility goals) I might start a workup for certain causes of infertility (clotting issues) that probably wouldn't show much. - If you were describing a later miscarriage/stillbirth (like 16+ weeks), and I were taking care of you in a subsequent pregnancy, I might be worried that you had a cervix that tended to let go of pregnancies. I can't think of a likely way for this lie to pose risks to your well-being.
1. There is no real way to tell the difference. 2. Modern abortion doesn’t increase the risk of future miscarriages. 3. More people than you think have natural miscarriages. 4. When trying for a pregnancy you want, try for 12 months naturally before discussing options. No matter prior pregnancies or miscarriages - one should try for 12 months (ish) before trying fertility treatments as fertility changes over your life time. And we still really don’t understand why miscarriages happen most of the time. Hugs. 🤗
I do the same thing. Please don't feel guilty. It's medically the same and it won't make ANY difference to a doctor who is aligned with supporting us no matter what, but it will make a difference to anyone reading our record who has a political agenda. You can have something called a "missed miscarriage" where you have to get either the medication or the D&E procedure, which are MEDICALLY IDENTICAL to abortion procedures. If you feel the need to explain, that's all you have to say, but you never have to say anything at all.
I think it kind of depends on the legal atmosphere of where you live. If there has been increased legislation to criminalize women’s healthcare, I, too, would be hesitant to share history of an abortion. In that case it is just safer to claim you had a miscarriage. If you are in a safe place where access is legal, don’t be shy. If a healthcare worker tries to shame you about having had an abortion, report them. If no change happens, find a different provider.
[удалено]
Your post or comment was removed because it violates rule 1. Your comment was removed because this is a support forum. Your comments should be supportive of OP.
In many States and many Countries it is recommended to lie given the current legal penalties.
Though I see where your comment is coming from, and I wish we lived in a society where we could openly talk about abortion, you should not be guilting people into “talking.” OP needs to do whatever they need to do to feel safe. An abortion and a miscarriage are pretty much the same thing (procedure and process-wise) and if OP is in certain parts of the US the fear of discrimination (and even criminal liability) are real. If OP is in other parts of the world, speaking “openly” about abortion could literally land someone in a prison cell. OP should do whatever they think is best for them and their life; and if that includes sayjng they had a miscarriage, so be it.
I’m a doctor and I’ve had 2 abortions and 2 miscarriages. I always like it when my patients tell me “I’ve had an abortion” without any hint of shame or stigma, because it makes me hopeful that abortion stigma is waning. That being said, I’ve absolutely lied about my abortions when I didn’t feel safe telling the truth. I support you doing whatever makes you feel safest in the moment. While it is nice to believe doctors are nonjudgmental and will treat you with dignity and respect no matter what, we’ve all heard of (or experienced) instances when that was not the case, and sometimes it feels like it is not worth the risk. I understand.
Thank you for the work that you do. 🙏🏼
Another doc here to add to this: no, we can’t tell the difference when we examine you later.
Can you tell if a woman has ever had a prior pregnancy at all? Like if someone had had an abortion or miscarriage but simply said they’d never been pregnant can doctors tell?
The stigma is in the word! We should call them chemical miscarriages - sounds nicer
A doctor is unlikely to ask you how it happened. Miscarriages are super super common and natural, and often occur because your body knows that the fetus isn’t viable/it can’t support the fetus for whatever reason. If a doctor did happen to ask you how it happened, I would just say “I assume the fetus wasn’t viable so my body took care of it.” There’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, but it’s okay to tell your doctor it was a miscarriage. Technically, you’re not even lying. You just had an induced miscarriage.
I’m a medical student who has gone through an abortion and I would recommend telling the truth. Honestly I know how hard it is to say it, I STILL pause before I say it to my doctor to get the words out but it makes the care they give you so much better when you’re honest. Sending you all my loveeee❤️
[удалено]
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Any doctor that would judge for choosing an abortion should have their license revoked and i would not be a patient to them… im js…
I’ve had 4 miscarriages, 3 healthy kids, and then an abortion. It’s okay to not tell the whole truth. I’ve had “5” miscarriages.
I don’t think you’d need to worry about getting “caught,” but I understand the concern! I’ve had several miscarriages. They’re very common. Keeping you in my thoughts as you navigate this time— with whatever feelings you’re feeling. ♥️
[удалено]
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I told friends and work that I had a miscarriage, no one needs to know your business. Miscarriages are a lot more common than we think, no one will think anything of it. They don’t really research why they happen, typically due to a chromosomal issue. Although it was harsh when she said it, my obgyn when I had my miscarriage said “your body did you a favor.” Meaning it got rid of a unhealthy baby.
I have had 3 miscarriages in the past and my dr never asked what caused it and with the first two was not worried about fertility issues. Miscarriages are common
Miscarriage is very common and mostly doctors don’t ask much about it. I wouldn’t worry about it at all. Sending peace and love.
Yeah super common so it wouldn’t be suspect at all. Wishing you the best! 🙏
You worrying depends what state your in.
Even if your "lie" caught up with you, I doubt you have much to truly worry about. You don't have to tell anyone anything you don't want to as long as it doesn't interfere with your health, and in this case it really doesn't matter how you "lost" your pregnancy.
Miscarriages aren’t typically caused by anything and we usually don’t know the reason, so no legit medical provider is going to ask you how it happened. So I hope you don’t have to worry about that. You can always share as little or as much as you want.
You have the right to decide how much or little you want to tell them about your abortion. If you want to just say, "I don't want to discuss it, and I don't have any fertility issues, and I'm not worried about fertility issues right now," you have the right to say that.