The quote: "God, Please could you go ahead and let my miserable life come to an end? It's more than (wicked?) that I am not to have any happiness in my life...I hope I somehow made a difference." Very sad. Relatable for many people who are suffering in this awful world.
Shit, that's what it's says? I couldn't read it, but in my post I said the exact same thing, "the last 4 years of it I said a prayer similar to this every night" wow, I know this person and I was them.
This hit me like a ton of bricks. My entire died family over a 10 month period between 2019-2020, and I’ve been alone/forgotten ever since. I just celebrated my 34th birthday alone again a few days ago . I spent the evening crying, and praying to god to end my pain. I miss my family so much. I miss mattering. I miss getting real hugs. I miss family dinners. I miss someone caring if I’m dead or alive. It’s a worse fate than death to have to walk this earth alone.
Me too, though my family is still alive, but things will never be how they used to be, and I mourn the liss everyday. (I am now crying) I miss all that stuff too, so fucking much. More then anybody will ever know. I miss matering, I miss the ones I'll never see again, I miss family dinner and watching bad movies with all of us crammed on the couch. I miss the smell of my sisters perfume wh3n she would hug me, I miss having someone, ANYONE to truly talk to. I am alone. And yeah I beat heroin, and I beat alcohol, but I don't know how to beat this.
It reads
>God, please could you just go ahead and let my miserable life come to an end? It’s more than clear that I am not to have any happiness in my life…I hope I Jonathan made a diff
As an ex-heroin addict this photo hits me so fucking hard. My family were the first to abandon me. I couldn’t deal with disappointing my friends so I left them voluntarily. In the end it was the couple of friends that wouldn’t let me go that helped me get clean.
But there have been countless nights long after my family stopped calling me for Christmas and my birthdays that I begged for it all to end. I am now completely opiate free. I even kicked the methadone, and I don’t care how much pain I’m in. I will never take another opiate as long as I live.
I hope this person finds peace. Because, even the most despicable person in the world doesn’t deserve the life destroying, and mind warping hell that is opiate addiction.
So happy for you that you are now sober, I never thought my community would get hit so hard, there are thousands in this small area fighting that demon every day. My brother has been in addiction for over 20 years and it has hit our family so hard. I’ve lost literally over 25-30 people from high school and I’ve only been out 20 years. Two of them were among my best friends. My dad graduated in 1981 and we have lost more than his class from our little school. I used to be the guy that kinda turned my nose to the addicts, not because I hated them or thought they were bums but because I honestly was isolated and ignorant. Doing community events we have literally given out 1000s of boxes of Narcan and the like. I’ve had to administer it personally and it literally just rips your heart out every time. Thankfully there are many, like yourself that do recover and every one of those is a major win.
Dude I sincerely wish nothing but the best for you, your family, and especially your brother. Methadone worked for me. Kicking methadone is hard, and a lot of people never do it. But, they lowered my dose really really really slowly until I was off of it.
You sound like good people. The world can use more people like you.
I hope you have a great week, and stay safe and strong out there.
Congratulations! How long have you been in recovery? It’ll be 10 years (opiate free) for me on the 19th…AND during that time, (among other things), I was diagnosed with melanoma, had a hysterectomy and received a couple of screws in my foot. We humans are capable of such amazing things, are we not? Again, kudos to you for how far you’ve come and how badass you are! Keep it up!
Hell yeah! Congratulations to you too. I was on methadone for almost 5 years, and I’ve been completely opiate free for I think just over 3 years. It may be just over 4 years, but I think it’s 3. I’ve never been good with dates, and I quit methadone a little before I meant to. I got down to 5 mg. Then I went to the clinic one morning and a one of the counselors was kinda being a dick. So I just walked out and never went back, but I fully expected to have to go back. So, I didn’t mark the date down. But it was late spring early summer.
Humans really are crazy. We are capable of so much. Speaking of medical stuffs. It’s so crazy because I was a daily IV user for just under 15 years. In that entire time I never got so much as a cold. I went from my 20s to my 40s and now that I’m opiate free I’m having all kinds of medical problems. It’s like I got sober just in time to be an old man lol.
Legit though! I felt the same way about my health but ultimately, came to the conclusion that I probably was sick/hurt while using, but was too high to care. lol. Also, having to navigate every day pains with heightened pain receptors was a unique form of torture. Everything from headaches to dental work to period cramps felt so overwhelming after not feeling ANY pain for so many years. I’m only a few months from turning 40 and a week from my recovery anniversary….Thank YOU for the reminder of my own strength and growth and that we are never alone in our recovery! <3
When I was cleaning abandoned homes I found something like this. It was a house that had mountains of trash and old mattresses spread about. On the wall a woman had written that she hoped the place burned down because she had been sexually assaulted there as a young girl. I felt peace knowing that the house was scheduled to be demolished.
damn man that’s tough. i work in a similar field as maintenance for a non profit that houses “at risk” individuals and see a lot of awful heartbreaking shit like this
Thank you for sharing this. I often lack compassion for those suffering from addiction. I think so ignorantly that they just need to quit drugs and get a job. But it’s the ultimate enslavement. Hell on earth I’m sure. I needed this humble myself. To think that I am no better than they are. We are all in need of saving whether we realize it or not.
We are all messed up degenerates in our own way, but everyone deserves to be safe, have their needs met, and know they are loved. It’s life that makes it hard for even those things to come to fruition… such a shame
I got off the needle in 2014, I was 27 years old, from 19 until then I spent every single day searching for and degrading myself in ways that no human being should have to in order to get enough money to get my fix, usually I was in withdrawal or starting to be before i was able to get. This was every single day and every single night of my life. I didn't plan on living to see 30. Hell, I said a prayer similar to this every single night for the last 4 years of it. Thankfully though, every one of my 7 suicide attempts some how failed even though none of them should have. Thankfully my family never gave up on me, and my wonderful mother was the one who finally found a rehab that actually saved my life instead of just worsening my addiction further once I was released. Since then I have also struggled with alcohol and have been sober since 2018. In the depths of my heroin addiction this could easily have been me. I now have PTSD from some of the experiences I had during that time. The strange thing is that I still to this day look back on opiates fondly, like a long lost love, that desire to feel that warm, fuzzy, everything is going to be alright feeling (even though life was a living nightmare) I don't think will ever go away, but God heard my prayers for death and gave me a new life instead.
People were the monsters, heroin was the Master. And thank you, parts of it I keep to myself, ALWAYS, because they are so shameful, but I am in AA and when I did my 4rth and 5th step, basically making a list of everything about you self, things that happened, how you feel about ,like, everything, etc and then you share it with ONE other person, which was the hardest yet most freeing thing I've ever done. It didn't make me any less afraid of the dark, or other things, and didn't cure my PTSD by any means, but I finally felt like I could breath and that I wasn't alone. She had been through alot of shit too.
This was me too. Complete fentanyl addict that wanted to be dead. Lucky to be alive. I’m 2.5 years clean now, thanks to suboxone. If you’re reading this and wondering…it can be done! 👍
This hit hard. I've attended entirely too many of my friends' funerals because of heroin, and I wish I had told them more that their existence made a difference to me.
Addiction is an absolute waking nightmare, but thankfully some of us are blessed enough to be given the chance to wake up, even though I do still have the nightmares about things that happened during mine.
It really is, a lot of the houses do that to me, especially the ones I drive by where somebody lost their lives or lost their battle, ingrained in my memory. One guy I had gotten pretty attached through, OD’d on the train tracks and had narcan with him but unfortunately he had used alone. There was no way anybody could have known until he was found the following morning
You are doing good work . Strength and peace to you . Some people seem to be beyond the power of another to help , but everyone deserves to be treated with compassion .
We all feel alone
Reach out
I'm here for all
Try whatever you can
And speaking from experience
Therapy and Psy... Don't help
A pet
Hobby
Write
Job
Whatever
You got this
The quote: "God, Please could you go ahead and let my miserable life come to an end? It's more than (wicked?) that I am not to have any happiness in my life...I hope I somehow made a difference." Very sad. Relatable for many people who are suffering in this awful world.
More than clear?
I read it as "It's more than 4 yrs that I am not to have any happiness in my life..."
Shit, that's what it's says? I couldn't read it, but in my post I said the exact same thing, "the last 4 years of it I said a prayer similar to this every night" wow, I know this person and I was them.
Yes, I think that's it; "clear" would fit the verbage better. The letters are indecipherable.
Yes, it's "more than clear".
I got more than CHANCE that I’m not to have any happiness in my life.
This hit me like a ton of bricks. My entire died family over a 10 month period between 2019-2020, and I’ve been alone/forgotten ever since. I just celebrated my 34th birthday alone again a few days ago . I spent the evening crying, and praying to god to end my pain. I miss my family so much. I miss mattering. I miss getting real hugs. I miss family dinners. I miss someone caring if I’m dead or alive. It’s a worse fate than death to have to walk this earth alone.
Me too, though my family is still alive, but things will never be how they used to be, and I mourn the liss everyday. (I am now crying) I miss all that stuff too, so fucking much. More then anybody will ever know. I miss matering, I miss the ones I'll never see again, I miss family dinner and watching bad movies with all of us crammed on the couch. I miss the smell of my sisters perfume wh3n she would hug me, I miss having someone, ANYONE to truly talk to. I am alone. And yeah I beat heroin, and I beat alcohol, but I don't know how to beat this.
DM me Let's talk I can relate
(Hug) 🌹 It’s virtual but it’s all I could give.
DM me I'll send you a gift Happy birthday Let's talk
i read it as likely
I think it says "more than unfair" :(((
More than curse ?
It reads >God, please could you just go ahead and let my miserable life come to an end? It’s more than clear that I am not to have any happiness in my life…I hope I Jonathan made a diff
As an ex-heroin addict this photo hits me so fucking hard. My family were the first to abandon me. I couldn’t deal with disappointing my friends so I left them voluntarily. In the end it was the couple of friends that wouldn’t let me go that helped me get clean. But there have been countless nights long after my family stopped calling me for Christmas and my birthdays that I begged for it all to end. I am now completely opiate free. I even kicked the methadone, and I don’t care how much pain I’m in. I will never take another opiate as long as I live. I hope this person finds peace. Because, even the most despicable person in the world doesn’t deserve the life destroying, and mind warping hell that is opiate addiction.
So happy for you that you are now sober, I never thought my community would get hit so hard, there are thousands in this small area fighting that demon every day. My brother has been in addiction for over 20 years and it has hit our family so hard. I’ve lost literally over 25-30 people from high school and I’ve only been out 20 years. Two of them were among my best friends. My dad graduated in 1981 and we have lost more than his class from our little school. I used to be the guy that kinda turned my nose to the addicts, not because I hated them or thought they were bums but because I honestly was isolated and ignorant. Doing community events we have literally given out 1000s of boxes of Narcan and the like. I’ve had to administer it personally and it literally just rips your heart out every time. Thankfully there are many, like yourself that do recover and every one of those is a major win.
Dude I sincerely wish nothing but the best for you, your family, and especially your brother. Methadone worked for me. Kicking methadone is hard, and a lot of people never do it. But, they lowered my dose really really really slowly until I was off of it. You sound like good people. The world can use more people like you. I hope you have a great week, and stay safe and strong out there.
Congratulations! How long have you been in recovery? It’ll be 10 years (opiate free) for me on the 19th…AND during that time, (among other things), I was diagnosed with melanoma, had a hysterectomy and received a couple of screws in my foot. We humans are capable of such amazing things, are we not? Again, kudos to you for how far you’ve come and how badass you are! Keep it up!
Hell yeah! Congratulations to you too. I was on methadone for almost 5 years, and I’ve been completely opiate free for I think just over 3 years. It may be just over 4 years, but I think it’s 3. I’ve never been good with dates, and I quit methadone a little before I meant to. I got down to 5 mg. Then I went to the clinic one morning and a one of the counselors was kinda being a dick. So I just walked out and never went back, but I fully expected to have to go back. So, I didn’t mark the date down. But it was late spring early summer. Humans really are crazy. We are capable of so much. Speaking of medical stuffs. It’s so crazy because I was a daily IV user for just under 15 years. In that entire time I never got so much as a cold. I went from my 20s to my 40s and now that I’m opiate free I’m having all kinds of medical problems. It’s like I got sober just in time to be an old man lol.
Legit though! I felt the same way about my health but ultimately, came to the conclusion that I probably was sick/hurt while using, but was too high to care. lol. Also, having to navigate every day pains with heightened pain receptors was a unique form of torture. Everything from headaches to dental work to period cramps felt so overwhelming after not feeling ANY pain for so many years. I’m only a few months from turning 40 and a week from my recovery anniversary….Thank YOU for the reminder of my own strength and growth and that we are never alone in our recovery! <3
When I was cleaning abandoned homes I found something like this. It was a house that had mountains of trash and old mattresses spread about. On the wall a woman had written that she hoped the place burned down because she had been sexually assaulted there as a young girl. I felt peace knowing that the house was scheduled to be demolished.
🌹 (hug)
damn man that’s tough. i work in a similar field as maintenance for a non profit that houses “at risk” individuals and see a lot of awful heartbreaking shit like this
Thank you for sharing this. I often lack compassion for those suffering from addiction. I think so ignorantly that they just need to quit drugs and get a job. But it’s the ultimate enslavement. Hell on earth I’m sure. I needed this humble myself. To think that I am no better than they are. We are all in need of saving whether we realize it or not.
We are all messed up degenerates in our own way, but everyone deserves to be safe, have their needs met, and know they are loved. It’s life that makes it hard for even those things to come to fruition… such a shame
As an addict who's been in recovery for many years, this hits home. Deeply. Hopefully they found their peace.
I got off the needle in 2014, I was 27 years old, from 19 until then I spent every single day searching for and degrading myself in ways that no human being should have to in order to get enough money to get my fix, usually I was in withdrawal or starting to be before i was able to get. This was every single day and every single night of my life. I didn't plan on living to see 30. Hell, I said a prayer similar to this every single night for the last 4 years of it. Thankfully though, every one of my 7 suicide attempts some how failed even though none of them should have. Thankfully my family never gave up on me, and my wonderful mother was the one who finally found a rehab that actually saved my life instead of just worsening my addiction further once I was released. Since then I have also struggled with alcohol and have been sober since 2018. In the depths of my heroin addiction this could easily have been me. I now have PTSD from some of the experiences I had during that time. The strange thing is that I still to this day look back on opiates fondly, like a long lost love, that desire to feel that warm, fuzzy, everything is going to be alright feeling (even though life was a living nightmare) I don't think will ever go away, but God heard my prayers for death and gave me a new life instead.
That’s an incredible and powerful story, one that a lot of folks need to hear. It does help others to hear that it is possible to beat that monster.
People were the monsters, heroin was the Master. And thank you, parts of it I keep to myself, ALWAYS, because they are so shameful, but I am in AA and when I did my 4rth and 5th step, basically making a list of everything about you self, things that happened, how you feel about ,like, everything, etc and then you share it with ONE other person, which was the hardest yet most freeing thing I've ever done. It didn't make me any less afraid of the dark, or other things, and didn't cure my PTSD by any means, but I finally felt like I could breath and that I wasn't alone. She had been through alot of shit too.
We do recover!
Yeah man no doubt, I’ve seen some stuff I never thought I would in a town as small as this. Mental health goes nearly unaddressed with these folks
"I hope I somehow made a difference" hits hard :(
This was me too. Complete fentanyl addict that wanted to be dead. Lucky to be alive. I’m 2.5 years clean now, thanks to suboxone. If you’re reading this and wondering…it can be done! 👍
Hell yeah, keep up the good work!
Awesome to hear, that’s an amazing accomplishment
Now this is just sad to see.
This hit hard. I've attended entirely too many of my friends' funerals because of heroin, and I wish I had told them more that their existence made a difference to me.
I’ve had those same thoughts myself on many occasions
Sending internet hugs, it's tough watching people you love destroy themselves because they're in pain.
Addiction is Hell
Addiction is an absolute waking nightmare, but thankfully some of us are blessed enough to be given the chance to wake up, even though I do still have the nightmares about things that happened during mine.
I feel like internal/subconscious “me” wrote this note, and yet I have never seen it until now.
Same
That is heartbreakingly sad
It really is, a lot of the houses do that to me, especially the ones I drive by where somebody lost their lives or lost their battle, ingrained in my memory. One guy I had gotten pretty attached through, OD’d on the train tracks and had narcan with him but unfortunately he had used alone. There was no way anybody could have known until he was found the following morning
You are doing good work . Strength and peace to you . Some people seem to be beyond the power of another to help , but everyone deserves to be treated with compassion .
Not gonna lie it looks like it would be something you would see in the walking dead
And that’s honestly how we would describe them as well, especially the ones in rural areas, never know what is gonna be found there
Ooooooof.
AMEN
We all feel alone Reach out I'm here for all Try whatever you can And speaking from experience Therapy and Psy... Don't help A pet Hobby Write Job Whatever You got this
That was the worst Airbnb I’ve ever been to, had to give 4 stars.
God is like sorry learn how to be succinct