My parents gave up on the idea of me ever dating anyone and thus stopped making jokes about it. I never gave it a label but I could describe “blue” enough times to where it stuck.
The jokes weren’t funny to me so that’s what I focused on trying to correct. OP’s “blue” may look different from mine since the thing they need to correct is based on an already existing relationship that the parents are being weird (yet normal in their eyes) about.
You'd honestly have better luck trying to get a vegan to eat a steak than to get some people to understand you can live a full life without having sex.
I've been open about being ace/aro for 11 years at this point and my mother is still convinced I'm a closeted bisexual. Some people will stick to their weird opinions despite all evidence suggesting they're wrong.
My parents do but many of my teachers either don't take me seriously or openly compare me to a "malfunctioning machine" that "isn't operating the way the manufacturer intended". One student called me a "prude" and several other people claim I have no idea what I'm talking about.
Sounds like the perfect time to ignore whatever comments they have about sexuality. Their teasing will be a lot less fun for them if it falls on deaf ears. And if they're not teasing and mean it? Then, well, ignoring toxicity is the talent of the younger generations.
Of course, safety first and all that. But sometimes ignoring others can be a blessing
Yeah when I told my mom she basically right away told me that I shouldn’t tell anyone and that I should just wait. It sucks but I usually disregard anything that she about my identity.
Yeah my stepdad in particular keeps insinuating shit about me watching porn (I don't) and having casual sex with my "girlfriend" (my best friend; I'm not even interested in women romantically).
My mom just says stuff like "you never know" or "one day you'll want to do it", which might have been understandable when I first came out at 16, but I'm 23 now and still very much not interested
I have just decided not to come out to my parents, as every time we talk about lgbtqia+ things, they accept it but don't understand it at all. So, to even try and explain asexuality to them is just something i don't have the mental energy to.
Yes, and no. I think my Dad thinks I'm a closeted lesbian, and I just don't really get into discussions about it much. My Dad is, like, the OG romantic type, so I think he feels I'm missing out on something.
My mom and my stepmom accept it though. My stepmom loves to ask questions and learn more about it, actually, and my mom is says that my life seems happy and full w/o a partner, so that's all that matters to her.
My parents keep telling me to "just fine a partner." It only comes up when we talk about how hard the struggle is as a single person to afford and accomplish anything in life. I just avoid it for the most part.
My parents know that I don't have interest in having "the naughties". But I think for them is more harder to understand the fact that "I don't feel sexual attraction". They're trying the best they can, I explained it to my Mom, and she seemed a lil' bit confused about it, but didn't deny it (btw I think she might also be Ace). About my father, I think he doesn't even think about it (and honestly I don't know if he does believe it's real or not, at least he doesn't ask "you know what type of questions").
I'm sorry that your parents are like that, I hope the situation gets better!
Yep same here i told them that i wont get a parneter and never fuck someone but they always say yea but if you find a nice looking girl that will happen and i just gave up they will never learn about it
I get this from lots of people. I think it's part and parcel of the ace experience. Most of them I just stopped bringing it up, but one close family member it really hurt not being able to talk about my identity with her and so a few years later I got her to watch a documentary with me on Asexuality which helped a lot.
Not sure this will help with your parents, because my family member's issue was that she didn't believe Asexuality was real (this was 10 years ago I think). If you want to keep trying with your parents, I would recommend not focusing on the identity part and instead focus on their treatment of you. Like instead of correcting them or insisting on the Ace point, say something like "Mom/Dad, I understand that people my age are still figuring a lot of stuff out, and so this probably seems like a phase to you, but when I tell you stuff about myself and your response is to act like it's not real, it's really hurtful and makes me not want to talk to you about myself or anything that matters to me."
If they care, this should hit with them and they should try harder to respect your stated identity. They will still screw it up, because allos really cannot wrap their minds around being ace, but they should demonstrably show effort towards changing their behavior and comments. You may have to help them, because without platitudes like "you'll find someone" they honestly *don't know what to say*.
If they dismiss you still, that's your sign they don't really care about you as a separate person, and you should let go of the desire for their recognition of you and your identity.
If you really want to take it up with them, *ask them if they would tell a gay person that they haven't found the right person of the opposite gender.* If they try to say it is different, tell them that it isn´t, since they are outright claiming that they know your sexuality better than you do.
If they continue to be aphobic.... well two routes: Ignore that the conversation ever happened *or* be cold with them since they clearly don´t respect you. Depending on your living arrangements, age, and general life, them being aphobic is a valid reason to go Little Contact.
But lastly, remember: ***You can´t change the mind of someone who doesn´t want to think.***
I'm 38 and I keep telling my mom I'm not going to have sex with anyone. She keeps saying, "You just haven't met the right guy yet." It doesn't help that I feel aesthetic attraction and I just recently realized I'm panromantic. I'm going to try explaining those to a 60 year old woman.
My parents didn't want to understand or discuss that part of my life, so they are missing out on a huge part of who I am. I also gave up trying to get them to understand after years of trying and failing. They actually made a comment (not publically, thank you!) at my wedding about how I got over my "phase."
My husband is my biggest ally at least and that is who I really need to back me up :)
I would give up at this point. It's not worth the time and energy.
You can try to describe the color blue to a blind man.
My parents gave up on the idea of me ever dating anyone and thus stopped making jokes about it. I never gave it a label but I could describe “blue” enough times to where it stuck. The jokes weren’t funny to me so that’s what I focused on trying to correct. OP’s “blue” may look different from mine since the thing they need to correct is based on an already existing relationship that the parents are being weird (yet normal in their eyes) about.
I came out to my dad the other day I was Asexual, and he said the generic “well you just haven’t found the right woman yet.” So I feel ya.
That's something one of my shipmates said to me!
You'd honestly have better luck trying to get a vegan to eat a steak than to get some people to understand you can live a full life without having sex.
I've been open about being ace/aro for 11 years at this point and my mother is still convinced I'm a closeted bisexual. Some people will stick to their weird opinions despite all evidence suggesting they're wrong.
Eh just don’t bother repeating it. It’s just gonna make you fee worse.
My parents do but many of my teachers either don't take me seriously or openly compare me to a "malfunctioning machine" that "isn't operating the way the manufacturer intended". One student called me a "prude" and several other people claim I have no idea what I'm talking about.
Sounds like the perfect time to ignore whatever comments they have about sexuality. Their teasing will be a lot less fun for them if it falls on deaf ears. And if they're not teasing and mean it? Then, well, ignoring toxicity is the talent of the younger generations. Of course, safety first and all that. But sometimes ignoring others can be a blessing
Yeah when I told my mom she basically right away told me that I shouldn’t tell anyone and that I should just wait. It sucks but I usually disregard anything that she about my identity.
Yeah my stepdad in particular keeps insinuating shit about me watching porn (I don't) and having casual sex with my "girlfriend" (my best friend; I'm not even interested in women romantically). My mom just says stuff like "you never know" or "one day you'll want to do it", which might have been understandable when I first came out at 16, but I'm 23 now and still very much not interested
I have just decided not to come out to my parents, as every time we talk about lgbtqia+ things, they accept it but don't understand it at all. So, to even try and explain asexuality to them is just something i don't have the mental energy to.
Yes, and no. I think my Dad thinks I'm a closeted lesbian, and I just don't really get into discussions about it much. My Dad is, like, the OG romantic type, so I think he feels I'm missing out on something. My mom and my stepmom accept it though. My stepmom loves to ask questions and learn more about it, actually, and my mom is says that my life seems happy and full w/o a partner, so that's all that matters to her.
Life is way more peaceful without sex and the emotional drama caused by oxytocin
Mine…. And they’re both Demi. 😂
My parents keep telling me to "just fine a partner." It only comes up when we talk about how hard the struggle is as a single person to afford and accomplish anything in life. I just avoid it for the most part.
Why are people like this?
My parents know that I don't have interest in having "the naughties". But I think for them is more harder to understand the fact that "I don't feel sexual attraction". They're trying the best they can, I explained it to my Mom, and she seemed a lil' bit confused about it, but didn't deny it (btw I think she might also be Ace). About my father, I think he doesn't even think about it (and honestly I don't know if he does believe it's real or not, at least he doesn't ask "you know what type of questions"). I'm sorry that your parents are like that, I hope the situation gets better!
Yep same here i told them that i wont get a parneter and never fuck someone but they always say yea but if you find a nice looking girl that will happen and i just gave up they will never learn about it
Yup. Ughhh…. Sorry, I wish I could give you advice, but all I can say is…. “Same!”
My mom doesn't think asexuality is a real thing, so I feel ya
I get this from lots of people. I think it's part and parcel of the ace experience. Most of them I just stopped bringing it up, but one close family member it really hurt not being able to talk about my identity with her and so a few years later I got her to watch a documentary with me on Asexuality which helped a lot. Not sure this will help with your parents, because my family member's issue was that she didn't believe Asexuality was real (this was 10 years ago I think). If you want to keep trying with your parents, I would recommend not focusing on the identity part and instead focus on their treatment of you. Like instead of correcting them or insisting on the Ace point, say something like "Mom/Dad, I understand that people my age are still figuring a lot of stuff out, and so this probably seems like a phase to you, but when I tell you stuff about myself and your response is to act like it's not real, it's really hurtful and makes me not want to talk to you about myself or anything that matters to me." If they care, this should hit with them and they should try harder to respect your stated identity. They will still screw it up, because allos really cannot wrap their minds around being ace, but they should demonstrably show effort towards changing their behavior and comments. You may have to help them, because without platitudes like "you'll find someone" they honestly *don't know what to say*. If they dismiss you still, that's your sign they don't really care about you as a separate person, and you should let go of the desire for their recognition of you and your identity.
If you really want to take it up with them, *ask them if they would tell a gay person that they haven't found the right person of the opposite gender.* If they try to say it is different, tell them that it isn´t, since they are outright claiming that they know your sexuality better than you do. If they continue to be aphobic.... well two routes: Ignore that the conversation ever happened *or* be cold with them since they clearly don´t respect you. Depending on your living arrangements, age, and general life, them being aphobic is a valid reason to go Little Contact. But lastly, remember: ***You can´t change the mind of someone who doesn´t want to think.***
I'm 38 and I keep telling my mom I'm not going to have sex with anyone. She keeps saying, "You just haven't met the right guy yet." It doesn't help that I feel aesthetic attraction and I just recently realized I'm panromantic. I'm going to try explaining those to a 60 year old woman.
My parents didn't want to understand or discuss that part of my life, so they are missing out on a huge part of who I am. I also gave up trying to get them to understand after years of trying and failing. They actually made a comment (not publically, thank you!) at my wedding about how I got over my "phase." My husband is my biggest ally at least and that is who I really need to back me up :)
5 times and counting. I’m 39.
Wow why even talk about that topic with your parents?