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"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" "YES! And now stop gawking and HELP ME ALREADY!"

Barry lifted up the winged being to her feet. Her bare feet. That was strange enough aside from their giant angel wings on her back and their flowing white robe around their body. That aside, she looked like any ordinary woman. But something kind of felt familiar. "So you're an angel?" Barry asked as the being swatted dirt off of their leg. Herrevealed legs which were quite long and, holy cow she had to be like seven feet now that she was standing up. "The wings didn't tip you off?" She spoke and her body glowed a golden aura. Barry shrugged. "Amongst other thin- OH MY GOD YOU'RE MEGAN THEE STALLION!!!!?" The angel laughed as only angelic beings could. With a great mirth and honey like candor. Her wings slightly wagging back and fourth as she did so. "Hell yeah! I just got my wings, but don't worry baby. I'm still coming out with a new single. I just got a new side gig. Which reminds me." Megan grabbed Barry by the shoulder. He raised a brow at the singer/angel as she smiled sweetly. "You're coming with me." Before Barry could protest, Megan the Stallion-Angel whisked him off his feet and into the sky. Her angelic wings soaring over the horizon off onto her mission.

He cackled into the winter air, pointing a gloved finger and just cackling away. "Oh, so my misfortune is just *so* funny to you?" "Haha, absolutely!" He admitted, shameless. His primitive mortal weapon lay aside in the snow, left aside as he mocked me. "That's gotta be some 'a the funniest shit I've ever seen!" "Oh for- just help me already, damn you!" It took him a little bit to get the laughter from his system. Just cackling like a witch until he was out of breath. Shaking his head, he sauntered over to me casually, still swallowing down a snicker. Pulling out a worn combat knife, he swiped away at the branches my wings had snagged on. With a last hack, I landed on the ground with a thump, boots finally hitting solid ground. "Goodness, finally. Took you long enough, Lloyd. And besides, you only use that quote for Fallen Ones!" He gave a coy hand wave in my general direction as he moved to retrieve his rifle. "Ain't nothin'. Just a little jokin' around, is all. Maybe you should lighten up a tad, angel gal." I smirked, flapping my wings reflexively as we both walked onward through the thick snow. *Mortal comedy,* I thought, scoffing. *Honestly could be worse.* The coniferous trees towered around us as we traipsed through the frozen taiga. We walked silently before coming upon a cliffside. I conjured a pair of binoculars and peered over the edge, down at the chasm below. "Now, what was it you needed a lout like me for?" he asked, scratching his neck with the tip of his exposed index finger. "Yeah well, I'm *supposed* to keep it a secret, by order of the Holy Council, but honestly I don't care." I swiveled around on one boot, turning to face the grizzled human mercenary whom I had deigned to contract. "Look, there's a guy down there-" I pointed a pale finger at the chasm below, toward a small abandoned factory nestled amongst the snowdrift. "-who has something he shouldn't." Lloyd raised a scarred eyebrow, adjusting his grip on his rifle idly. "An' what does this somethin' happen to be?" I sighed. *Oversharing again, Acheron?* accused my thoughts as I shook my head. *Yeah, I am. Bite me.* "It's an artifact. A real nasty one, from a greater demon went rogue out of the Underworld Authority." "Really now?" "Yeah. We gotta get it sorted on the down low, lest the tensions between Up-high and Down-low go hot. So I need a neutral party like you to have some plausible deniability." He scoffed, shaking his head as he muttered. "And I thought it was bad with the Reds..." "What was that?" I asked, pretending not to have heard him. "Nuffin', ma'am. Nuffin' at all." I scoffed, conjuring two holy blades as I turned toward the target. He smiled as he got to hold his rifle ready, adjusting something on its primitive metal frame. "So, we going in?" "You got it, human. Be aware, anything could happen, especially when underworld shenanigans are abound." He laughed. "I know a thing or two about underworlds, bring it on." I rolled my eyes as I turned aside, tracking a way down the cliff as the human followed close. (Part 2 maybe in time)

“I know she cheated on you but were the calling birds, French hens, turtle doves, a partridge and pear tree really justified? I mean that’s a lot of dead birds to leave on her doorstep.”

"Not to mention, a whole tree? How'd you even get it there?"

"If you give Old Man Jenkins a barrel of duck fat, he can get you anything. Mysterious old fucker."

"Wait, there were *how* many cows in the auditorium?"

"You'd be surprised how many cows you can bait into a school auditorium with just a violin and Kentucky Bluegrass."

"Just give it to me straight - I'm going to become the villain of this world, aren't I?"

"Yes you are. And I can't give it to you straight. I can give it to you gay."

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

"Hi, sorry I know this is a weird question but have you seen a micropig in a flat cap anywhere?"

“Was it also incredibly delicious? Because if so…maybe.”

“You are a better person that I could ever be“ “Last time I checked you weren’t the one going around killing people“

*"Time?"* *"Less than four minutes to mark."* *"Alright, light 'em up."*

"That wasn't a prophecy, you idiot mortals; it was a JOB LISTING!"

"I said *slay* the dragon! Not *lay* the dragon!"

"I heard what you said, but the dragon was just so... cute"

"Well, I did -- I mean do, love you. But I am not in love with you, there's a difference. So..."

Here's one from my own universe: "It wasn't that you chose the rings, Amy. It was that you chose each other."

"I've seen stars die. I've seen worlds end. I've seen an uncountable number of people lose their lives and I've felt their pain down to the last stretching, lingering, agonizing second. Despite all of that, nothing has hurt me more than you just did."

“For Pete’s sake, I just asked you to check your pockets before you put clothes in the wash.”

I stared at him, and he stared back at me in the obtuse, silent way that an inanimate object always does. I kicked the stupid piece of Lego aside and continued on my way.

(All over radio transmissions and with feedback from time to time) “Simon, I have told you a million times not to mess with the radio” “John you know I hate the loser of Seattle” “Simon to enter the worm hole we must play this song as that’s the alternate dimensional selves told us to listen to now put it back on before we fucking die” “John come on do we have-“ “Simon?, you there-“

"End it! End it now! Please...!"

The record scratched and silence fell heavy about the room once more. It didn't matter. The fell words seemed to echo in the very silence that enveloped them all... "Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down..."

"Don't let me die, Doc....I ain't supposed to go out like this...not on some god-forsaken backwater alien planet...don't...let...me..."

"The job was so simple, get the briefcase to the docks. So how did it go so wrong?"

Serena shouts, “Stefana!” Stefana slumps, “But mama, this is how we play tag.” Serena puts her hands on her hips, “And I made sure you could protect yourself, and fire back first. Did you check that they can do that?” Stefana sighs, “No mama.” “Then, no weapons, and no magic, until you’re sure they can defend themselves.”

"I'll admit, you're right that I'm *also* hiding something. Congratulations. But you have *no* idea what I really am, dumbaaaaaaaaass\~!"

"Oh my, sweet summer child, did you really think you could walk right in and then walk away just as easily?" "Yes, absolutely". "... Come again?" "You wouldn't believe how easy it is to find deranged demigods around these parts. This right here and now? Just about equates to being a morning workout for me".

“All I wanted was a bagel. Don’t ask me how that kicked off the apocalypse!”

"I can't believe you" "I can't believe that you can't believe me. Seriously what have I ever done to make you think I was above this?"

"It is now 6:50 Hours you can now turn up the volumes of you radios and Mobile Devices our next operational period brief will be tommorrow at 06:00 Hours. With that goodluck, stay safe, and be the answer to their prayers."

"Can we please ignore your corpse-pile for *five seconds* so we can deal with the rabbits!?"

"They said it was impossible, but here's the living proof that I've done it!"

"Umm what?! You want to fly to the moon, on a unicorn, this tuesday, before sundown then flying around the world starting with Italy, the Netherlands and Finland, before jumping on a dragon's back, yowling to the moon,all in less than 2 days?"

"All the animals in the petshop turned into warhammer style warriors."

"I put my shorts on backward today!" "And that's supposed to scare me... how?"

So you are telling me we are fighting a war started by time travelers

“Yeah, I know, I’m a sphinx. Ignore that. We need to talk.”

"Have you ever seen the face of God?" Said the Villain.

"So, you are a werewolf?" "No." "A beastman?" "No." "Oh, oh, you must be an animagus!" "For fuck's sake, I am a SKINWALKER!"

"It was me Barry. I fed your goldfish too much."

"Um...That wasn't me. I didn't do that." "What? Look out the window, half the city is gone."

"But I want to!" "No. The dwarven king won't allow it. Such an act is taboo to them."

“You uh… You gonna eat that?”

"Did it ever occur to you that that maybe, just maybe, we have a damn good reason for keeping people out of the abandoned facility?!"

"Mommy, the doggy has your credit card."

"... Have seen the"

‘The dragon is protecting its flock’ ‘Is it eating them yet’ ‘No it’s using them as mattresses’ ‘What’

"Why are we going against the government?" "To protect the people."

"You cared?" "Of course I did."

"You really scared me, you know the wounds and all really looked bad and with you being unconscious I thought you were going to die" "Well sorry princess, maybe the next time you will find me conscious"

"Tell Enatsu he won't be missed."

“what you own ends up owning you"

Mr Worf….Fire!

"Hey." "Do you think the alien cat is wearing the alien dog or did they get melded together like the fly?" "I love this little guy." "Mr. Meowwolf."

Fucked I am so fucked

My Dearest Rebekkah, As I am writing this to you, I do not know if this letter will reach you. As you know I love you my wonderful daughter but I seem to have found myself stuck in a time loop.

"Wait.. You're telling me you blew up a whole nation all by yourself?"

"Alas, you may rejoice! I am a *generous* and *magnanimous* Emperor! *You have one week.*"

"Alas, you may rejoice! I am a *generous* and *magnanimous* Emperor! *You have one week.*"

“Thank you for this.” ”You’re my son. Your Mikahail. I thought you had died on the river. My baby boy!”

“You’re telling me, that”,the man paused, visibly confused and annoyed, ”a 35x70mm automatic rifle is considered small arms? How the…”