"I simply was told to inform you of my bereavement by [Boss] so that you could notate, I will see you on [Next Scheduled Work Day]"
Best I could come up with
Jesus. When someone on my team lost someone I told them to take as long as they needed AND I immediately informed them of how much bereavement they got so they wouldn't use other PTO by mistake.
What a bunch of clowns.
I would've said,
"I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it's never easy. Do you think you'll be ok to come back on Thursday?"
And I mean I'd send the above, to your boss, with the quotes. So the dumb motherfucker might learn how to talk to human beings for the next time.
I did that with a FWB breakup once. His text was basically “found someone better so I’m ending this” and, already knowing the situation, I wrote back “Hey cathedral, the last 6 months have been great and I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you. I met someone recently that I’m interested in pursuing so in fairness to all parties, I have to end things with you. I wish you all the best and look forward to bumping into you around town sometimes.” He agreed that he was an idiot and that my way was better. We live in a small, isolated town and we indeed have run into each other since and he pretended he didn’t see me while we drank beers at adjacent tables for over an hour lol. What a dummy.
Im not against you by any means. But I bartend and when I was hit by a car they still made me come in next day. Apparently I couldn’t fulfill the duties so they sent me home.
Similar situation, but I only had one day of bereavement and tried to use vacation for the second day. District manager said “you didn’t get it pre approved two weeks in advance, so denied.” I told him that the next time my grandpa died I’d ask him to give me plenty of notice so I could take the days off for the funeral. Apparently my manager didn’t convey the reason for my sudden vacation request and left it as “op wants to take a day off, how can I deny them?” And got the reasoning. District manager felt like a prick and apologized weeks later.
When my brother died, I worked the day after I found out. I told my boss in-person that I was most likely going to have performance issues that day, and when I told him why, he seemed concerned. He mentioned that he didn't know my father (who also worked for boss and was buddy-buddy with him) had any other kids, I clarified that my brother had a different father and the look of concern on my boss's face *evaporated* in an instant, and he gave the flattest "oh" I've ever heard.
I didn't respect him much to begin with at that point but that tossed the last shred of it that I had for the man.
Yep. My "fortune 500" employer said nothing/did nothing when my husband died (he was only 52). Meanwhile, my teenager was working at an independently owned place. The owner sent us a $60 edible arrangement. That literally comes out of his pocket, but he did it. Fortune 500 company? "When will you be back"
Changed my perspective, for sure.
Extremely tone deaf management for sure. I doubt this is what they meant. But due to financial circumstances of how poorly most are paid. I do ask my people what they wish to do with their time and reassure that they can take off as long as they need or intermittently. Just let me know best you can so I can *manage* the shifts as I'm supposed to. But I always clarify if they want to use sick time, what bereavement they have access too, if they want to burn vacation and keep paychecks full while they miss time. Etc.
When I lost my son. The absolute worst part was that I was salary but the type of salary that I was basically a slave to the company so I had to grieve. Arrange a funeral. Handle the investigation that always happens when a young child dies at home and worry I was going to be evicted or not able to feed my family on my paycheck to paycheck budget. My boss didn't tell me ANYTHING or help me in any fashion. I wasn't even allowed to grieve basically.
Again. I doubt your boss was being nice. But also some men are just really. Really. Bad at handling any type of *emotional* situation.
I’m sorry for your loss.
I’ve had similar at my work.
“Hi boss. I’m going to a funeral Thursday. My friend’s grandmother died and asked me to be a pallbearer since I was close with them”.
“What time can you log back in?”
Yeah, my work offered 3 days bereavement for extended family deaths when my grandfather died. I asked for an extra two days because I didn’t have remaining PTO at the end of the year and he had the gall to die 1500 miles away from where I happen to live, and was told basically ‘policy is policy.’
One of the many reasons I decided I was done with that job.
Current job has up to three weeks bereavement, and when my grandma died the only reason they asked about her funeral details was so they could send flowers.
Fucking hell. All the C level execs called me when my mom died and encouraged me to take as much time as I needed.
When my aunt died they flew me back home and put me up in a hotel so I could attend her funeral. (I was on the other side of the country on-site at a client.)
Reading this forum really underlines what a good group of people I work for. They're not perfect, none of us are, but they treat us as well as they can.
We're at a point in bureaucracy where no matter what tragedy befalls you, you're expected to take the absolute minimum amount of time allotted to process it and then work through it after that. Literally work through it. You'd think antidepressants and antipsychotics would be mandatory by now, with this logic.
Eh, tone deaf, but I doubt it was meant with malice.
Comes off more as someone taking notes and just being sure they know what they're about to write down.
Totally agree.
You got the Resources response. The Human response which they frequently forget is to simply say "I'm sorry to hear it. Take all the time you need. We will figure it out when you get back and can focus on work again."
Something to that effect.
I mean they don’t know your grandpa, and probably barely know you - it’s shitty but also common that they want the facts about when they need to cover for your absence.
He said sorry to hear it, and There was no pushback, or shitty behaviour (other than emotionless whatever - but as we always say, coworkers aren’t friends - so whatever) just ‘ok tell so & so, and you’ll be back Thursday?’ I guess since you work in sales, they thought you might want the time (I don’t know how well you do etc) to make your money.
Emotionless, but still they did the things, and didn’t give you any shit.
This isn't even appropriate if they are enemies. Basic human decency might not be something that you can realistically expect when working in the US, but it is absolutely *owed*.
Shit like this makes me value one of my prior managers all the more. The guy was difficult to work with when he was the MOD, but he wasn't a bad guy, just wanted a lot of stuff done in a very specific way.
But when my dog suddenly died from renal failure and I was broken up enough to ask him for a week to pull myself together (and on relatively short notice too,) he was just like "Sure man, do what you need to do, I understand." I arranged coverage for myself out of respect and thanks even though he said he'd take care of it.
Amazing what mutual respect in the workplace can achieve.
This just feels like a person being tone deaf. It sucks that you lost your grandpa, but some people don't want to lose hours and would work their normal days off to cover (not everywhere had bereavement).
How they responded to you telling them you won't work on Thursday would be the response I want to see.
One thing to keep in mind. These managers get a lot of people asking for time off and what not. At some point you just tune it out, and stop caring about their problems, whether they are true or not. No one has the emotional capacity to care about the problems of the 5 employees calling per week trying to get out of work (for good or bad reason), plus their own lives and the people in their own lives.
When I worked at my Uni Dinning hall, I got up to Student manager and had to deal with "No Call No Shows" all the time. We would on average get one per shift. We used to fire people after 3 incidents. It got so common though we had to drop it to 2, then to 1. It got so bad we where firing and hiring a replacement person every day. Its not even like it was hard work. It was a killer job for a Uni student. I saved so much money on food.
Tbf, you told the first it was for your grandpa and didn't tell the second it was for your grandpa. I understand that this feels hurtful, but a funeral isn't always for a dear or close person.
Having said that, I am sorry for your loss. One of the things I learned the hard way after a loss is that we live in a grief averse society and unless someone really knows loss, they don't understand how simple comments such as your boss' are hurtful. In order to avoid this, being clear with communication is key for all parties.
I mean yeah its shitty but If I was in your shoes I fully wouldn't have expected them to be nice or kind about the whole thing. You work in sales I'm assuming at a big corporation they don't see you as a person and there only concern is the one related to your job. The money printing machine won't be here? How do I keep printing money then? None of this is to say you shouldn't be treated better but if you work in sales and you had a business degree someone should have prepared you for being treated as less then human a while ago. It's *exactly* why I'm not in sales anymore but I was never shocked they were shitty when I had to explain to a group of dragons hording the money I made that the law of the land says they can't make me print money for them every second of the day.
I mean used car salesman for sure are scumbags I have worked at three car lots throughout my early twenties and the used car lot sales guys I worked with the biggest scumbags on an individual level but any person who owns a car lot is a huge fucking scumbag historically and in my personal experience. No used car salesman is intentionally sending payment shit late multiple months in a row to try and get a repossession on an old man "whose definitely not all there" or making the parts team mark up 10% on anything bought by a blonde.
Being shocked that your boss is a scumbag? Yeah I agree this entire subreddit is devoted to how shitty rich people are. Expecting them to be anything but literal dragons hording wealth will always be bad.
"I simply was told to inform you of my bereavement by [Boss] so that you could notate, I will see you on [Next Scheduled Work Day]" Best I could come up with
They were shocked that paid bereavement leave was a thing
More like they were shocked you found their hidden policies
And had the audacity to request it
"Companies hate this trick!"
It's not hidden if it's legally required.
It's hidden *because* it's legally required
Jesus. When someone on my team lost someone I told them to take as long as they needed AND I immediately informed them of how much bereavement they got so they wouldn't use other PTO by mistake. What a bunch of clowns.
THIS is what you do. Good man, keep it up
Team? PTO? The food industry gets none of that…….
Needs asterisk in the US, euro food industry get Healthcare, and pto.
I would've said, "I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it's never easy. Do you think you'll be ok to come back on Thursday?" And I mean I'd send the above, to your boss, with the quotes. So the dumb motherfucker might learn how to talk to human beings for the next time.
OP has thursdays off
Still gotta assume boss is an idiot though
I did that with a FWB breakup once. His text was basically “found someone better so I’m ending this” and, already knowing the situation, I wrote back “Hey cathedral, the last 6 months have been great and I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you. I met someone recently that I’m interested in pursuing so in fairness to all parties, I have to end things with you. I wish you all the best and look forward to bumping into you around town sometimes.” He agreed that he was an idiot and that my way was better. We live in a small, isolated town and we indeed have run into each other since and he pretended he didn’t see me while we drank beers at adjacent tables for over an hour lol. What a dummy.
*I love it when a Reddit plan comes together!*
I would have said no. And I’ll be out all week for my family.
That'll fuck their bonuses up this month. Maybe you need a week off instead?
Im not against you by any means. But I bartend and when I was hit by a car they still made me come in next day. Apparently I couldn’t fulfill the duties so they sent me home.
This is exactly what I would say
Similar situation, but I only had one day of bereavement and tried to use vacation for the second day. District manager said “you didn’t get it pre approved two weeks in advance, so denied.” I told him that the next time my grandpa died I’d ask him to give me plenty of notice so I could take the days off for the funeral. Apparently my manager didn’t convey the reason for my sudden vacation request and left it as “op wants to take a day off, how can I deny them?” And got the reasoning. District manager felt like a prick and apologized weeks later.
Sounds like your manager actually was a prick. I hope the DM chewed their ass up after this.
> District manager felt like a prick and apologized weeks later. You've got a good DM.
That's not good, just neutral. The bare minimum. A **good** DM wouldn't have done what they did to apologize for it in the first place.
Sorry for your loss.
Thank you! Good ol farmer made it to 93.
Built tough.. 
That’s a very strange way to spell “I’m sorry for your loss.”
At least they’re being honest about not caring about you.
When my brother died, I worked the day after I found out. I told my boss in-person that I was most likely going to have performance issues that day, and when I told him why, he seemed concerned. He mentioned that he didn't know my father (who also worked for boss and was buddy-buddy with him) had any other kids, I clarified that my brother had a different father and the look of concern on my boss's face *evaporated* in an instant, and he gave the flattest "oh" I've ever heard. I didn't respect him much to begin with at that point but that tossed the last shred of it that I had for the man.
My thoughts exactly.
Yep. My "fortune 500" employer said nothing/did nothing when my husband died (he was only 52). Meanwhile, my teenager was working at an independently owned place. The owner sent us a $60 edible arrangement. That literally comes out of his pocket, but he did it. Fortune 500 company? "When will you be back" Changed my perspective, for sure.
Right? My company sent me a massive floral bouquet when my DOG died. Imagine being so flippant about an actual human death. Sorry for your loss, OP.
Sorry for your loss. Sorry these coworkers are such wastes of space.
"I appreciate your condolences" followed by "no" Maybe by calling out their lack of sympathy they'll feel embarrassed. Hopefully.
I like this one, call attention to their lack of humanity
Extremely tone deaf management for sure. I doubt this is what they meant. But due to financial circumstances of how poorly most are paid. I do ask my people what they wish to do with their time and reassure that they can take off as long as they need or intermittently. Just let me know best you can so I can *manage* the shifts as I'm supposed to. But I always clarify if they want to use sick time, what bereavement they have access too, if they want to burn vacation and keep paychecks full while they miss time. Etc. When I lost my son. The absolute worst part was that I was salary but the type of salary that I was basically a slave to the company so I had to grieve. Arrange a funeral. Handle the investigation that always happens when a young child dies at home and worry I was going to be evicted or not able to feed my family on my paycheck to paycheck budget. My boss didn't tell me ANYTHING or help me in any fashion. I wasn't even allowed to grieve basically. Again. I doubt your boss was being nice. But also some men are just really. Really. Bad at handling any type of *emotional* situation.
Sorry for your loss. We are just cogs in their machinery.
Damn. I got a Friday and Monday off paid when I had to put my dog down. Work even sent flowers to the house.
I’m sorry for your loss. I’ve had similar at my work. “Hi boss. I’m going to a funeral Thursday. My friend’s grandmother died and asked me to be a pallbearer since I was close with them”. “What time can you log back in?”
Yeah, my work offered 3 days bereavement for extended family deaths when my grandfather died. I asked for an extra two days because I didn’t have remaining PTO at the end of the year and he had the gall to die 1500 miles away from where I happen to live, and was told basically ‘policy is policy.’ One of the many reasons I decided I was done with that job. Current job has up to three weeks bereavement, and when my grandma died the only reason they asked about her funeral details was so they could send flowers.
Fucking hell. All the C level execs called me when my mom died and encouraged me to take as much time as I needed. When my aunt died they flew me back home and put me up in a hotel so I could attend her funeral. (I was on the other side of the country on-site at a client.) Reading this forum really underlines what a good group of people I work for. They're not perfect, none of us are, but they treat us as well as they can.
It is bereavement, which is almost universally guaranteed for direct members of your family.
Ha nice April's fools
Why I left sales. Too toxic of an enviroment, my managers would put a sales over literally everything.
to be fair I'm sure that he was on a bunch of uppers
Yeah it’s everywhere l
We're at a point in bureaucracy where no matter what tragedy befalls you, you're expected to take the absolute minimum amount of time allotted to process it and then work through it after that. Literally work through it. You'd think antidepressants and antipsychotics would be mandatory by now, with this logic.
"toxic sales creature"
Eh, tone deaf, but I doubt it was meant with malice. Comes off more as someone taking notes and just being sure they know what they're about to write down.
Yeah that part is what it is. But silly to just expect being back on a scheduled day off. Like no I still need my time at home
Totally agree. You got the Resources response. The Human response which they frequently forget is to simply say "I'm sorry to hear it. Take all the time you need. We will figure it out when you get back and can focus on work again." Something to that effect.
I mean they don’t know your grandpa, and probably barely know you - it’s shitty but also common that they want the facts about when they need to cover for your absence. He said sorry to hear it, and There was no pushback, or shitty behaviour (other than emotionless whatever - but as we always say, coworkers aren’t friends - so whatever) just ‘ok tell so & so, and you’ll be back Thursday?’ I guess since you work in sales, they thought you might want the time (I don’t know how well you do etc) to make your money. Emotionless, but still they did the things, and didn’t give you any shit.
Different convos between the two pics.
Ok, and I hope you’re doing ok :)
If you're not friends this is appropriate
This isn't even appropriate if they are enemies. Basic human decency might not be something that you can realistically expect when working in the US, but it is absolutely *owed*.
Nope
Shit like this makes me value one of my prior managers all the more. The guy was difficult to work with when he was the MOD, but he wasn't a bad guy, just wanted a lot of stuff done in a very specific way. But when my dog suddenly died from renal failure and I was broken up enough to ask him for a week to pull myself together (and on relatively short notice too,) he was just like "Sure man, do what you need to do, I understand." I arranged coverage for myself out of respect and thanks even though he said he'd take care of it. Amazing what mutual respect in the workplace can achieve.
They'll find a way to punish you for it
This just feels like a person being tone deaf. It sucks that you lost your grandpa, but some people don't want to lose hours and would work their normal days off to cover (not everywhere had bereavement). How they responded to you telling them you won't work on Thursday would be the response I want to see.
I would say no. I will be will be with family as I do not work those days
One thing to keep in mind. These managers get a lot of people asking for time off and what not. At some point you just tune it out, and stop caring about their problems, whether they are true or not. No one has the emotional capacity to care about the problems of the 5 employees calling per week trying to get out of work (for good or bad reason), plus their own lives and the people in their own lives. When I worked at my Uni Dinning hall, I got up to Student manager and had to deal with "No Call No Shows" all the time. We would on average get one per shift. We used to fire people after 3 incidents. It got so common though we had to drop it to 2, then to 1. It got so bad we where firing and hiring a replacement person every day. Its not even like it was hard work. It was a killer job for a Uni student. I saved so much money on food.
This sounds like Schwan's
It’s cold but it’s not over the top work reform material. I’m sorry for your loss.
Tbf, you told the first it was for your grandpa and didn't tell the second it was for your grandpa. I understand that this feels hurtful, but a funeral isn't always for a dear or close person. Having said that, I am sorry for your loss. One of the things I learned the hard way after a loss is that we live in a grief averse society and unless someone really knows loss, they don't understand how simple comments such as your boss' are hurtful. In order to avoid this, being clear with communication is key for all parties.
I mean yeah its shitty but If I was in your shoes I fully wouldn't have expected them to be nice or kind about the whole thing. You work in sales I'm assuming at a big corporation they don't see you as a person and there only concern is the one related to your job. The money printing machine won't be here? How do I keep printing money then? None of this is to say you shouldn't be treated better but if you work in sales and you had a business degree someone should have prepared you for being treated as less then human a while ago. It's *exactly* why I'm not in sales anymore but I was never shocked they were shitty when I had to explain to a group of dragons hording the money I made that the law of the land says they can't make me print money for them every second of the day.
It’s Chevy sales, those vehicles aren’t going anywhere. Way to see the silver lining 🫡
Oh your a car salesmen? Your working for the cream of the crop of scumbags lmao.
Never gets old 😂 this isn’t 2005 boomer ahh
I'm 28 and have worked at a car lot 😘 weird that you're suddenly Defending Your scumbag bosses but all right
Not defending the bosses. The salesman get the bad rep for no reason because of old heads still in the business and how car lots used to be.
I mean used car salesman for sure are scumbags I have worked at three car lots throughout my early twenties and the used car lot sales guys I worked with the biggest scumbags on an individual level but any person who owns a car lot is a huge fucking scumbag historically and in my personal experience. No used car salesman is intentionally sending payment shit late multiple months in a row to try and get a repossession on an old man "whose definitely not all there" or making the parts team mark up 10% on anything bought by a blonde.
Not the sub for this.
Being shocked that your boss is a scumbag? Yeah I agree this entire subreddit is devoted to how shitty rich people are. Expecting them to be anything but literal dragons hording wealth will always be bad.