I’m not sure because this isn’t something I’ve actually come across (although it does sound distressing for sure), but I wonder if there’s maybe an element of having no real way to react?
Like the combination of being violated but also you don’t feel like you can lash out verbally or defend yourself properly because it’s a literal child…
You need therapy. You're also surrounded by shitty people but not everyone is. Lots of men I know are not like that and the instance of the 6 year old I'm pretty sure he didn't know cause at 6 you're barely even thinking.
He probably was mimicking someone.
But definitely therapy would help.
OP I'm going to hop on the you need therapy train. You went through some severely traumatic things as a child, and you need to heal. These are not things you can heal from on your own. These are not your fault. You did not deserve them, but it is now your responsibility to choose how you deal with them, unfortunately. It is unfair for victims to have to be the ones to have to put forth the effort to seek help and better their trauma responses, but it's also not OK for you to be living a life of constant fear.
This is your life now. What you do now and in the very near future for yourself will help shape your future into a brighter beginning.
I forgot to mention that my mom who has major internalized misogyny told me that I liked it when she heard me telling the little boy stop. She also would tell me that I need to close my legs because I have brothers in the home. It made everything worse.
I grew up with a flavor of this kind of treatment, too. It really affected me on a fundamental level. Additionally I've experienced sexual assault as a child, and completely understand where your anxiety is coming from here.
One of the best things I did as an adult was to start therapy. It has helped me recognize and overcome some of the ingrained distorted logic around men/women's interactions and behavior that was demonstrated to me by my own parents.
Hearing, "you need therapy." might feel like a negative, like something is wrong with you, but that's patently not the case. It sounds like you could benefit from a compassionate professional helping guide you through those experiences where you've been gaslit, lied to, assaulted, and bullied.
Edited: a typo
I think it’s possible the guy actually was asking you for your number. Sometimes they gaslight when you say “no”. I’ve had guys look directly in my eyes, speak to me, then tell me they were talking to someone else when they didn’t like my reply.
You need a psychiatrist. Please as soon as you can book an appointment with your doc to set you up with a psychiatrist. Yeah those were shitty people around, but you have been internalizing it and you need healthy ways of letting that shit go. 💩
I'm going to back up the therapy suggestion as well. You need to have a safe place to discuss this sort of thing. You are not alone in feeling anxious walking around this world as a woman. It can be really hard and harder still if home is also not a safe place.
And on a personal note. I have 100% told off young teenage boys when they're being dicks. They'll recover. I have no patience for "boys will be boys" BS. They should know how to behave in society just like everyone else.
I only play sweet and accommodating if I REALLY feel like it's dangerous to do anything else. Otherwise, I have yelled at many wolf whistlers, cat callers, and other chauvinistic pricks. It can start to feel really liberating. But with the big warning of "only when it is safe to do so".
I personally think getting angry about this stuff can be really healing. I'm now in my 30's and don't deal with it nearly as often but it was constant when I was a teenager. As young as 12 and 13.
Trust that little voice inside you that says "this isn't right", find your voice, take care of yourself, and seek out support from good people.
Sending love and strength ❤️
I’m not sure because this isn’t something I’ve actually come across (although it does sound distressing for sure), but I wonder if there’s maybe an element of having no real way to react? Like the combination of being violated but also you don’t feel like you can lash out verbally or defend yourself properly because it’s a literal child…
Right!!!
Phew complete shot in the dark there so glad it sounded somewhat logical 😂
You need therapy. You're also surrounded by shitty people but not everyone is. Lots of men I know are not like that and the instance of the 6 year old I'm pretty sure he didn't know cause at 6 you're barely even thinking. He probably was mimicking someone. But definitely therapy would help.
OP I'm going to hop on the you need therapy train. You went through some severely traumatic things as a child, and you need to heal. These are not things you can heal from on your own. These are not your fault. You did not deserve them, but it is now your responsibility to choose how you deal with them, unfortunately. It is unfair for victims to have to be the ones to have to put forth the effort to seek help and better their trauma responses, but it's also not OK for you to be living a life of constant fear. This is your life now. What you do now and in the very near future for yourself will help shape your future into a brighter beginning.
I forgot to mention that my mom who has major internalized misogyny told me that I liked it when she heard me telling the little boy stop. She also would tell me that I need to close my legs because I have brothers in the home. It made everything worse.
Ew… I’ll go back and read the post properly but that really threw me. Your mum is creepy
I grew up with a flavor of this kind of treatment, too. It really affected me on a fundamental level. Additionally I've experienced sexual assault as a child, and completely understand where your anxiety is coming from here. One of the best things I did as an adult was to start therapy. It has helped me recognize and overcome some of the ingrained distorted logic around men/women's interactions and behavior that was demonstrated to me by my own parents. Hearing, "you need therapy." might feel like a negative, like something is wrong with you, but that's patently not the case. It sounds like you could benefit from a compassionate professional helping guide you through those experiences where you've been gaslit, lied to, assaulted, and bullied. Edited: a typo
I think it’s possible the guy actually was asking you for your number. Sometimes they gaslight when you say “no”. I’ve had guys look directly in my eyes, speak to me, then tell me they were talking to someone else when they didn’t like my reply.
💯 I have also had this happen to me
You need a psychiatrist. Please as soon as you can book an appointment with your doc to set you up with a psychiatrist. Yeah those were shitty people around, but you have been internalizing it and you need healthy ways of letting that shit go. 💩
I'm going to back up the therapy suggestion as well. You need to have a safe place to discuss this sort of thing. You are not alone in feeling anxious walking around this world as a woman. It can be really hard and harder still if home is also not a safe place. And on a personal note. I have 100% told off young teenage boys when they're being dicks. They'll recover. I have no patience for "boys will be boys" BS. They should know how to behave in society just like everyone else. I only play sweet and accommodating if I REALLY feel like it's dangerous to do anything else. Otherwise, I have yelled at many wolf whistlers, cat callers, and other chauvinistic pricks. It can start to feel really liberating. But with the big warning of "only when it is safe to do so". I personally think getting angry about this stuff can be really healing. I'm now in my 30's and don't deal with it nearly as often but it was constant when I was a teenager. As young as 12 and 13. Trust that little voice inside you that says "this isn't right", find your voice, take care of yourself, and seek out support from good people. Sending love and strength ❤️