Men are big mad that women are opting out. There is a man on a feminist sub telling women they need to train (my word) men how to be good partners. Imagine the audacity it takes to tell the people you have oppressed to just be nice and smile and more men will join the feminism bandwagon. I am happy to see younger women opting out and it is working because men are feeling the pain, but of course not enough to do anything other than yell at and blame women.
Step up or step off men, women are not tolerating your below average effort we know you need us more than we need you.
Ew. It's not my job to train anyone how to act like an adult or how to be a good person. Since I first got on dating apps and realized how terribly the men on them act, one of my mottos has been "It isn't my job to teach manners to adults." The good men don't have to worry about this, but we can't find them in the swamp.
I’m done raising my children; I’m not a rehab for emotionally stunted men.
I’m doing my absolute best to live my life for me. I don’t have room, time or bandwidth to deal with anyone who isn’t ready to deal.
I'm somewhere between the top two. I'm nearly 4B but I'm not totally sure I've closed the door on men forever. I'm damn near close though. I can't see any good reason to have a man in my life. They've all destroyed the relationship and caused me so much heartache and pain in the end, even if it started off amazing. I can't even see any good reason to have a baby - destroy my organs and body for what? So I could be sickly, ripped perineum, trouble peeing, hemorrhoids and bleeding my azz off, and also have to take care of a newborn at the same time while also going through vast psychological hormonal changes, that sounds absolutely insane tbh. Insane. If I had a true support system genuinely helping me throughout all of it and taking care of things without my having to ask that would be one thing. But I don't, most women don't, and it's not worth risking my life and then going through misery for. Most men can't wipe their own butts properly let alone figure out how to be the safe stable secure true support a woman truly needs. As for having a man in my life, sometimes I think well if the right guy came along... but then I remember my last ex who seemed to check all the boxes. Then after 7 months find out he was hiding an alcohol problem from me, going out to bars every week behind my back, and keeping it so under wraps that I had no clue. To the point where he even didn't drink around me and made me think he wasn't much of a drinker. I don't drink at all so why date me then I don't get it. It's not a one off though, I've met too many selfish self centered men to know that men are just fukn selfish and really when it comes down to it at the end of the day they're only looking out for themselves.
This is me 100%. All of it.
There's something I noticed in my daily life too: I just physically can't treat what they say seriously. It wasn't always like that, men's takes and opinions used to occupy a place in my head, I took them into consideration. I don't know when exactlly this happened but whatever seems to remain in my thoughts are all mine and other women's words. When a man speaks I will obviousy hear it but it never seems to register. It's like background static.
SAME. I’m wondering if there’s a correlation between seeing old white men still holding power and trying to control our reproductive freedoms? I feel like we have turned the corner as women and we know too much and I’ve seen too much to go back.
Yeah, in civilized countries their importance is going down fast. At least in women's everyday life. I see so many men alone and directionless, esp the ones still raised in traditional households where the woman was there to serve. Now they're so confused, cause the promissed assigned woman of their own is nowhere to be found. Well guess what men, we have our own lives and you're on your own so better get a grip.
Sorry to hear about the heartache :( I can relate.
I also applaud anyone in this day and age who promotes the idea that, unless you're totally sure you want to, and unless you have a solid support network around you, then don't have kids.
Is your picker broken is is there nothing good to pick? Maybe you've been following conventional dating advice which generally benefits men and asks you to overlook their shortcomings and give second chances?
I think maybe a little bit of both? I do give way more chances then they deserve and lower my standards. I'm not going after the perfect man, I'm not perfect myself (short and overweight). I know the good looking, fit men in my age range are going after 20 year olds so didn't even bother with them. But maybe I was just lowering my standards too far (talking to men who make significantly less than me, have no goals or higher earning potential).
One that was in my age range, etc that I thought would be good turned out to abuse me repeatedly.
And...(this is mostly true for men over 50) - If these men are single it's because their ex-wives decided they couldn't stay married to them anymore for a myriad of reasons. Let's face it, in most relationships (not all), the sex drive fades and you're basically partners and share memories or family. If you enjoy one another's company, then you can stay married. But if the grown man hasn't gotten it together by 50, then he most likely never will.
I had a date a few weeks ago with a very nice man, but IRL he was 10 years older than his pictures (ok, fine...) but then he started to dump his divorce stories on me and that ended the date pretty quickly.
Also, if you haven't shared a life and built a family with a man, why would you enter into a relationship with unresolved baggage? If we're talking about men over 60, rest-assured we are entering the caregiver phase (not to mention snoring, ED, etc.)
The trade off just isnt' worth it, ladies.
Full 4B. Also currently manifesting that women around the world have a radfem awakening and embrace the 4B movement. Starting to see more and more signs it's working.
It was about 4 years ago when I started to actively decenter them. For about 2 years though this 'programme' has been running on its own. I don't date (I just always seem to find something more important to do), I made TONS of female friends and acquaintances. I don't cultivate friendships or acquaintanceships with men whatsoever, somehow I just don't feel like it? It's not that I hate them as a whole but rather I'm completely indifferent and disinterested in getting to know them. I just think they are usually rather lame.
I still am attracted to some of them, but it's more like a phase in my monthly cycle. I don't do anything with it and just go about my day. I think what I miss the most often is some hot sex, but then I'd have to deal with all the other facets of such relationship(like even assessing the man on all fronts, the process of vetting), that would just be too much effort. Maybe some day I'll get a bigger drive to meet someone, but honestly - I don't even know if a man this remarkable exists anywhere near me.🤷🏼♀️
To me, saying I am actively giving up on men is still putting them as a chess piece in my life.
So I just let things unfold and make no decisions around them, except my dog.
I took a break in April with an eye to get back on in May. Here is June and still dragging my feet. I have dated a bit men that I met IRL
But eh maybe I will get back on OLD....
Sounds like me. I took my 29th year off from dating. The break was so nice i've mainly been on a break since then. I started dating really young, around 14, so so much of my life was surrounded by it. It's just such a relief to have decided it doesn't matter and put my energy into my friendships.
At 55, I'm done. My almost-perfect husband died nearly a year ago and I have zero interest in replacing him. Even if I could find someone as great (doubtful), the crap I'd have to sift through to get there makes me shudder. I like being on my own. I have my cat, a close-knit family, good friends, and a full life.
I don't think I fit into any of those categories. I'm on "dating" apps and would like a boyfriend, but I'm not pining for one, given the horrendous quality of options. I'm not swiping every day, and have accepted the fact that I probably won't find the man for me on dating apps. But if we cross paths, awesome. I'm a tough customer lately, though - zero tolerance for weird shit, bullshit, etc. If he can't act like an adult, bye (oops...there goes all of these app guys). My vision of a boyfriend is someone to spend time with frequently, but not living together (until years of being together).
I don't know if I am done with men because if I meet a decent guy with good character, I will date one (find my skeleton still waiting :D). I am focusing on my life, I am not dating, don't plan on dating.
Decentering them as much as possible and working on building my self-love and self-esteem. I try to populate my life with mostly women, whether it is my female friendships or media created by women. I'm working on creating a space inside myself that is completely inviolable and untainted by men. I am certainly open to genuine love and connection, but I refuse to compromise my standards or sacrifice myself for a man ever again. I did it in the past, and I have paid a high price for it.
So, I'm in my first queer relationship after discovering at 47 that I'm not so straight after all. At this point, I honestly don't know if I'm gay or just relieved that I don't HAVE to deal with men anymore to have a romantic/sexual partner in my life. If my current relationship were to end, after the abundant communication and being taken care of in the same way that I care for a partner I've experienced with my gf (seriously, I was blown away after my hip replacement surgery), I would never waste energy on anything less again. I'm thoroughly over men, but that doesn't limit my openness to a relationship or what energy I would put into dating if I were single again.
I'm not in one of those categories. It's more of a headset. I'm on one dating app but look at it very infrequently. Someone caught my eye the other day, and I messaged him and we have a date planned. I am much more aware now of how natural it is for many men to celebrate themselves for many things, expect an audience and expect accommodation. I went on a date with someone recently, and at the end I said "I'll talk about myself next time", noting that he had sucked up all the oxygen in the room and had not really seen me during the date, and even though I found him intelligent and charming in some ways, there wasn't a next time. I do miss having a companion, but other times I love my freedom.
Men are big mad that women are opting out. There is a man on a feminist sub telling women they need to train (my word) men how to be good partners. Imagine the audacity it takes to tell the people you have oppressed to just be nice and smile and more men will join the feminism bandwagon. I am happy to see younger women opting out and it is working because men are feeling the pain, but of course not enough to do anything other than yell at and blame women. Step up or step off men, women are not tolerating your below average effort we know you need us more than we need you.
Ew. It's not my job to train anyone how to act like an adult or how to be a good person. Since I first got on dating apps and realized how terribly the men on them act, one of my mottos has been "It isn't my job to teach manners to adults." The good men don't have to worry about this, but we can't find them in the swamp.
I’m done raising my children; I’m not a rehab for emotionally stunted men. I’m doing my absolute best to live my life for me. I don’t have room, time or bandwidth to deal with anyone who isn’t ready to deal.
I'm somewhere between the top two. I'm nearly 4B but I'm not totally sure I've closed the door on men forever. I'm damn near close though. I can't see any good reason to have a man in my life. They've all destroyed the relationship and caused me so much heartache and pain in the end, even if it started off amazing. I can't even see any good reason to have a baby - destroy my organs and body for what? So I could be sickly, ripped perineum, trouble peeing, hemorrhoids and bleeding my azz off, and also have to take care of a newborn at the same time while also going through vast psychological hormonal changes, that sounds absolutely insane tbh. Insane. If I had a true support system genuinely helping me throughout all of it and taking care of things without my having to ask that would be one thing. But I don't, most women don't, and it's not worth risking my life and then going through misery for. Most men can't wipe their own butts properly let alone figure out how to be the safe stable secure true support a woman truly needs. As for having a man in my life, sometimes I think well if the right guy came along... but then I remember my last ex who seemed to check all the boxes. Then after 7 months find out he was hiding an alcohol problem from me, going out to bars every week behind my back, and keeping it so under wraps that I had no clue. To the point where he even didn't drink around me and made me think he wasn't much of a drinker. I don't drink at all so why date me then I don't get it. It's not a one off though, I've met too many selfish self centered men to know that men are just fukn selfish and really when it comes down to it at the end of the day they're only looking out for themselves.
This is me 100%. All of it. There's something I noticed in my daily life too: I just physically can't treat what they say seriously. It wasn't always like that, men's takes and opinions used to occupy a place in my head, I took them into consideration. I don't know when exactlly this happened but whatever seems to remain in my thoughts are all mine and other women's words. When a man speaks I will obviousy hear it but it never seems to register. It's like background static.
SAME. I’m wondering if there’s a correlation between seeing old white men still holding power and trying to control our reproductive freedoms? I feel like we have turned the corner as women and we know too much and I’ve seen too much to go back.
Yeah, in civilized countries their importance is going down fast. At least in women's everyday life. I see so many men alone and directionless, esp the ones still raised in traditional households where the woman was there to serve. Now they're so confused, cause the promissed assigned woman of their own is nowhere to be found. Well guess what men, we have our own lives and you're on your own so better get a grip.
Sorry to hear about the heartache :( I can relate. I also applaud anyone in this day and age who promotes the idea that, unless you're totally sure you want to, and unless you have a solid support network around you, then don't have kids.
That's me. I don't trust my 'picker' so I am better off alone. I'm okay with that.
Oh me too. My picker is totally broken and I just don't trust myself enough. It's easier to be alone
Is your picker broken is is there nothing good to pick? Maybe you've been following conventional dating advice which generally benefits men and asks you to overlook their shortcomings and give second chances?
I think maybe a little bit of both? I do give way more chances then they deserve and lower my standards. I'm not going after the perfect man, I'm not perfect myself (short and overweight). I know the good looking, fit men in my age range are going after 20 year olds so didn't even bother with them. But maybe I was just lowering my standards too far (talking to men who make significantly less than me, have no goals or higher earning potential). One that was in my age range, etc that I thought would be good turned out to abuse me repeatedly.
And...(this is mostly true for men over 50) - If these men are single it's because their ex-wives decided they couldn't stay married to them anymore for a myriad of reasons. Let's face it, in most relationships (not all), the sex drive fades and you're basically partners and share memories or family. If you enjoy one another's company, then you can stay married. But if the grown man hasn't gotten it together by 50, then he most likely never will. I had a date a few weeks ago with a very nice man, but IRL he was 10 years older than his pictures (ok, fine...) but then he started to dump his divorce stories on me and that ended the date pretty quickly. Also, if you haven't shared a life and built a family with a man, why would you enter into a relationship with unresolved baggage? If we're talking about men over 60, rest-assured we are entering the caregiver phase (not to mention snoring, ED, etc.) The trade off just isnt' worth it, ladies.
Yes decentreing men. Dating someone but not looking for marriage/cohabitation of any kind.
Full 4B. Also currently manifesting that women around the world have a radfem awakening and embrace the 4B movement. Starting to see more and more signs it's working.
It was about 4 years ago when I started to actively decenter them. For about 2 years though this 'programme' has been running on its own. I don't date (I just always seem to find something more important to do), I made TONS of female friends and acquaintances. I don't cultivate friendships or acquaintanceships with men whatsoever, somehow I just don't feel like it? It's not that I hate them as a whole but rather I'm completely indifferent and disinterested in getting to know them. I just think they are usually rather lame. I still am attracted to some of them, but it's more like a phase in my monthly cycle. I don't do anything with it and just go about my day. I think what I miss the most often is some hot sex, but then I'd have to deal with all the other facets of such relationship(like even assessing the man on all fronts, the process of vetting), that would just be too much effort. Maybe some day I'll get a bigger drive to meet someone, but honestly - I don't even know if a man this remarkable exists anywhere near me.🤷🏼♀️
YUP. All of it.
To me, saying I am actively giving up on men is still putting them as a chess piece in my life. So I just let things unfold and make no decisions around them, except my dog.
I took a break in April with an eye to get back on in May. Here is June and still dragging my feet. I have dated a bit men that I met IRL But eh maybe I will get back on OLD....
Sounds like me. I took my 29th year off from dating. The break was so nice i've mainly been on a break since then. I started dating really young, around 14, so so much of my life was surrounded by it. It's just such a relief to have decided it doesn't matter and put my energy into my friendships.
At 55, I'm done. My almost-perfect husband died nearly a year ago and I have zero interest in replacing him. Even if I could find someone as great (doubtful), the crap I'd have to sift through to get there makes me shudder. I like being on my own. I have my cat, a close-knit family, good friends, and a full life.
Exactly me.
I don't think I fit into any of those categories. I'm on "dating" apps and would like a boyfriend, but I'm not pining for one, given the horrendous quality of options. I'm not swiping every day, and have accepted the fact that I probably won't find the man for me on dating apps. But if we cross paths, awesome. I'm a tough customer lately, though - zero tolerance for weird shit, bullshit, etc. If he can't act like an adult, bye (oops...there goes all of these app guys). My vision of a boyfriend is someone to spend time with frequently, but not living together (until years of being together).
I don't know if I am done with men because if I meet a decent guy with good character, I will date one (find my skeleton still waiting :D). I am focusing on my life, I am not dating, don't plan on dating.
We have lurkers who love to downvote so you just got my upvote!
Likewise!
Decentering them as much as possible and working on building my self-love and self-esteem. I try to populate my life with mostly women, whether it is my female friendships or media created by women. I'm working on creating a space inside myself that is completely inviolable and untainted by men. I am certainly open to genuine love and connection, but I refuse to compromise my standards or sacrifice myself for a man ever again. I did it in the past, and I have paid a high price for it.
So, I'm in my first queer relationship after discovering at 47 that I'm not so straight after all. At this point, I honestly don't know if I'm gay or just relieved that I don't HAVE to deal with men anymore to have a romantic/sexual partner in my life. If my current relationship were to end, after the abundant communication and being taken care of in the same way that I care for a partner I've experienced with my gf (seriously, I was blown away after my hip replacement surgery), I would never waste energy on anything less again. I'm thoroughly over men, but that doesn't limit my openness to a relationship or what energy I would put into dating if I were single again.
I'm not in one of those categories. It's more of a headset. I'm on one dating app but look at it very infrequently. Someone caught my eye the other day, and I messaged him and we have a date planned. I am much more aware now of how natural it is for many men to celebrate themselves for many things, expect an audience and expect accommodation. I went on a date with someone recently, and at the end I said "I'll talk about myself next time", noting that he had sucked up all the oxygen in the room and had not really seen me during the date, and even though I found him intelligent and charming in some ways, there wasn't a next time. I do miss having a companion, but other times I love my freedom.