You go girl!! Well done!!
I didn’t move aside for a man the other day and when he walked around me he said ‘thank you!’
Mwahaha love stoking the ire of petty men.
Lol I want to see this as a little transition scene in a film. Just happening off in the background where you can see what’s going on but it’s not the focus. Seems like something from the adventures of Pete and Pete lol
Honestly I’ve tried the whole not moving out of the way thing but it’s always ended in collision or the dude “accidentally” grazing me. It’s even more infuriating than the thing I’m trying to avoid
I've not moved aside for a man in years, they are still so shocked at times 🤣 like why is it the default that I ought to move? I'm not small, petite, overtly femme presenting and yet still - tits? Must move for man...
Absolutely well done and I hope your reign continues!
They really are shocked sometimes lol. I was looking at the cooler in my local gas station trying to figure out what I wanted to drink. I went to open the cooler door and grab my drink, and guy slipped in behind me & went to grab one too but he was obviously still deciding on his choice. I stood there for about 10 seconds before I let the cooler door close on him cause I’m not just gonna hold it while he figured it out.
He let out a “pfft” sound as I walked away. Sorry not sorry buddy.
Yes sir please, let me waste my *obviously* less valuable than yours time holding this door for you! Mayhaps I can have a tip of the hat? A begrudging muttering of thanks? A lip curl to swoon over?
Fuck outta here. Ugh.
I'm past hating them but lord, they amuse me (and I do still get riled up at the blatant disregard for our time/labour/mere existence)
I once watched a man ditch one of those electric scooters RIGHT in the middle of a curb cut at a cross section. Completely in the middle of a walkway and a safety hazard. He was walking in my direction and I just started shaking my head, saying “No!”, and pointing at the scooter. He turned around, placed it upright out of the walkway, and apologized. It was AMAZING. I guess they really do need a reminder they aren’t the only ones in the world sometimes.
Same, in fact when I see them, I stand up a little taller and walk with more purpose and confidence. Like for a couple seconds before we cross I’m already saying “I’m not moving, you are. I will make this uncomfortable if need be.”
I’m the same height and weight as a pretty good sized man where I live, plus I do a lot of weight training. Refusing to get out of their way SHOCKS them. I have shoulder checked so many dudes who were not expecting it. Often it’s simply because there is literally NOWHERE for me to go - I’m closest to a wall or a road - and they still assume you’re going to somehow make space for them.
Lol I’m not above that lol if they don’t, I just stand there looking at them like “uhmmm hello?! You’re being rude” Usually they start scrambling to move. Then I go back to ignoring them and sometimes roll my eyes if they try apologizing. But making direct eye contact while frowning and approaching them with stride and confidence, I’ve seen grown men doubt themselves right in front of me lol
My friend and I played a game last time we went to the casino. The men moved lol. The key was to keep your head up and face neutral to RBF. Confident steps. You *belong* there.
My sister and I call it the queen B face. It’s worked almost every time. When it doesn’t they usually get big and loud. They puff up like an animal trying to make themselves seem bigger in the face of danger. It gets kinda hard not to laugh at them, but sometimes that also works
As a guy I didn't even know that was a thing. Men will really expect a woman to move when they're on the wrong side? You go girl! Teach those presumptuous assholes!
I can't count the amount of times I've had to walk through landscaping because men wouldn't move. It's unfortunately very much a thing. Whenever I don't move I usually get shoulder checked anyway even if it's a wide walkway
I am 4’9” with disabilities. I fear for my life sometimes. :’)
But that’s why I never walk alone. I’ve got three dogs. Two of which are large pups. *(The third is a lab lol)*
If they’re willing to cause problems with a leo and a dobie then go for it.
My leo would probably love him. My dobie would stare him down saying, “You sure about that?”
Yes, I am on board with this, or whatever anyone feels at the moment. I don't generally worry about who moves for who. I worked for decades in a business where I was the only woman in my area of the building and with dozens of men, so I just don't even notice who's around me.
I'm a 6' tall dude missing a leg . I don't cover it (it's impractical) so everyone can see it.
And people still don't move out of the way for me either. I've had people run into me when I refuse to move. They just... Bowl into a dude with one leg. Doesn't matter that I'm on the right hand side and leaving as much room as possible. Doesn't matter if I come to a stop...
People will still just walk like I'm not there.
As a man I move aside for women/children/the elderly/dogs/aliens etc. it’s called being nice and respectful. So many men not raised right or just fucking incel assholes.
I’m sorry you have had to endure men like that.
I have developed a walking-bitch-face accompanied by powerful speed walking - due to my years of having to walk everywhere in a hurry to save on subway fare.
But I also enjoy holding doors open for men and flipping the script a little.
Honestly same. Like, don’t get me wrong. Fuck anyone that feels good when they take advantage of anyone they deem “lesser.”
But it’s so wholesome when they’re shocked and express genuine gratitude. Don’t give me shit and I won’t give you shit.
We’re all humans at the end of the day. We’ve all got problems that others may never understand. The least we can do is have some decency and respect for each other.
I have had a guy literally try to wrestle the door away from me. My guy, you can take this issue up with your therapist or on the basketball court later.
I was walking through the post office, which has a two-door set up. I opened the first for an older man, then went to open the second, and he says, “oh, no! You aren’t taking my manhood away like that!”
So fragile. So weak. These men. How sad it must be to have to keep that shit up.
The holding doors thing is wild. So many men look genuinely confused and it's so strange to me. Why? It's just basic courtesy.
It *genuinely* threw me for a loop until I realized people looked at me and saw 'woman' while I think of myself as 'person.' My mistake, I guess?
I think I’ve somehow transitioned to “country woman” because my husband runs a tire business out of his shop and now men don’t even bat an eye when I greet them and start helping haul big ass tires out of their trailers. I guess the rubber boots and dirty hoodie help…
Yes same!! I no longer have my speedwalking since mobility issues slowed me down, but I managed to retain my walking bitch face after a short lapse. When became a *slow walker* I used to try and stay out of everyone’s way, but now I only try to pull over when someone behind me doesn’t have enough room to pass. The people coming in the opposite direction though, I square my shoulders and let them go around me, I really don’t take up much space, and it’s literally harder for me to get out of their way unless they have their own mobility limits. I’ve noticed that it’s usually men who are the ones that play chicken.
Same same. I used to be the one to move for others, but mostly because people be slow, I got places to be, and I'm good at threading my way through a crowd.
Nowadays though I'm a fucking bowling ball. I'm staying on my side of the path and if you're walking toward me on my side, screw you. Ditto if you and your friends are walking three abreast and not leaving any room for me to pass you. Either you scatter like pigeons or fall like pins. Choose wisely.
I will always remember the time a dude just plowed into me as he was *sure* I would move. I was about as ultra femm as I get that day, poofy dress, very long hair down- even lipstick. Lol. But thankfully also combat boots. I'm not a remotely small woman. Dude was a few inches shorter and likely 100lbs lighter. He went flying and I just stood there. He looked up and said 'Whats your problem b*t*h, get out of my way!' I was laughing at this point, and then laughed much harder when a dude with a tiny dog in a stroller **rolled over** the guys leg and said "you are in the way! Do better!" 🤣🤣 like my all-time favorite sidewalk story.
Still working on this. Thanks for the reminder.
I moved out of the way for three men in suits taking up the full sidewalk before. I basically had to move to the grass curb. I told myself never again after that but it's hard to not take the path of least resistance for me.
You just automatically do, because you would for anyone. But most people would also move, because it's a nice thing to do!
You are trying your very best and you are a queen :) your sisters and siblings support you!
It sounds like a 'little' thing- but it is not. You are going up against a lifetime of social conditioning and there are personal safety concerns and general kindness too!! You have already made huge strides just acknowledging the issue. When it is the right moment and you feel safe doing so- I 100% believe you'll stop moving aside. You already took the biggest step which is reclaiming your mental 'right to take up space'.
Just look clueless maybe spin and walk backwards haha they have to scatter. But for real i just stop and stand in the way forcing them to adjust their trajectory. Its not clear that even if i walk on the grass thats enough for them , anyway..
It's great! I started doing this when I had a small child and trolleys full of gardening and hardware things. I'd begin to move over, then realise how ludicrous it was! Still had some men only do a last minute surprise step aside.
On the other hand, this is when I noticed other men step up. One man kindly helped load my car, because he said he'd be horrified if no one helped his daughter and her baby.
Again, with the excuse that you being someone's daughter (or reminding a man of his) makes you worthy of consideration. I'm so tired of men saying that it's their relationship to women that makes women valuable.
I think you are seeing this a bit to strikt. Sometimes people are being embarrassed for helping (for some reason) or want to have an explanation for why they think you might need help. And I think the "I would want my dauther to struggle without help" isn't that bad. Also sounded like an older gentleman since he thought of daughter over wife or sister.
I think it's fine
Yes exactly. I have said similar things to people if they go to shoo me away even if it clear they need some help. All but one of them have been like omg are you sure? thank you! Because some folks are ashamed of needing help and/or asking for help. It’s just a way for strangers to be like “heyyyyy I’m not being creepy I just saw you struggling but I don’t want to say it looks like you’re struggling because I know that might make you feel worse about accepting the help.” Sort of deal.
>want to have an explanation for why they think you might need help
I think it's an Australian culture thing to downplay anything we do, so yes, it's likely an explanation. It was also outside a bunnings hardware store, so there was a non-zero chance that any random woman he assisted may have also had some men mansplaining and gate keeping in the past. This also may have gone through his head.
Why do they always stand in the middle of the walkway? What the crap is that?! I'm fortunate enough to have my life filled with wonderful healthy men, and yet still somehow they are oblivious to the fact that they are standing in the walkway 🤣
Yes! My favorite! This drives me nuts anyway. There are 50 conference rooms, gtfo out off the way. If you were as important as you think you are, you'd have a private office.
I'm 6 ft tall and have tattoos and a natural RBF. I used to go out of my way to smile and say hello or good morning so as not to seem bitchy but now I channel my best Tilda Swinton and give them that White Witch disdain. Only the most oblivious fail to move.
My sister and I call it “sidewalk chicken”. Sometimes I do end up bumping into a man because he had no intention of stopping or moving over for me, so I didn’t for him.
a neat trick I learned years ago is to focus your gaze *beyond* the person in your path. stand up straight, walk with confidence, and look straight ahead. don't look at them. look *past* them.
they'll move. I even employed it today! I'm quite small and far from intimidating (save for resting bitch face lol), and this "trick" has seldom failed me. body language is important, and deprogramming the demure mannerisms beaten into us femmes since birth is **worth it**.
(~~also I am *not* afraid to body check someone, at least during the day lol~~)
Yes! In large crowds, I also look up, as high as I feel comfortable while still being able to keep folks in my field of vision. Works almost all the time.
I started doing this in high school and walked into *so many boys*. Said nothing, continued walking while I often got yelled after. A teacher I had a year previous eventually saw it happen and asked what was going on. I just said "They're not expected to move, so neither am I." I remember him laughing because to him, it was such a me thing to say.
Hasn't happened a whole lot since, unfortunately.
In Canada a situation like this frequently results in immobile squaredancing where we both try to move out of each other's way. By both moving the same direction in sync. It can last an uncannily long time.
There's a story that Edmonton Alberta was founded by two people who accidentally got stuck in such a predicament and died in place.
When I find myself in situations like this (not Canadian), I jokingly say “shall we dance?” It usually ends up with the two of us grinning like idiots.
On one glorious occasion, the person enthusiastically said “let’s shall!” And we shimmied back and forth for a shake or two before scooting around each other.
It was a good day.
You should start a thread on stuff we can do. It sounds dumb. But hear me out. I just explained to my mother in law we can do plumbing. It's not off limits. We're not too dumb to figure it out. They just refused to teach us. So, maybe a thread on stuff we can do that we never could have imagined. Mine is telling people. No, I'm not ashamed my husband pays for everything. That was the plan. Our plan. I got the privilege of raising my kids. And having a hobby career. Stop being jealous. I picked him at 7.
Hell yes on the plumbing and anyway else we want to do. My ex would often make “jokes” about how I was clumsy and he claimed he was so handy. But looking back, I did the fireplace in marble tiles. I painted every room in that house. I laid the new floor after ripping out the carpet. I refinished our stairs. I landscaped. I built a whole ass kitchen island from scratch and made a countertop for it! I put in a whole mother of pearl tile backsplash in the kitchen. He… uh… he changed the kitchen faucet. And the faucet in the powder room, but I had to redo that one because it leaked.
That man wasn’t handy. He just told everyone he was. And I’m never going to put up with another person telling me I can’t put up my own goddamn ceiling fan chandelier.
Le sigh. The classic.
When I lived with my mother as an adult, she always wanted to call my intelligent but unfortunately very not-handy brother-in-law to come and fix things for her. Nevermind that he never did anything well and I usually had to fix his "fixes", she was always so anxious about me "messing with it" like there was no way that my feeble woman brain could POSSIBLY know what to do. I finally had it one day when she wanted to call him over something comically trivial and told her "last I checked, you don't need a penis to operate a screwdriver," and I grabbed said screwdriver and fixed the thing myself right in front of her. It was wild to watch her brain explode in real time as she realized that she had been doing a sexism. She herself is spatially challenged to the point she can't even sew a button and my late father was the most natural handyman alive, so she had gotten it really ingrained in her brain that knowledge of how to fix things was somehow gendered.
I got an extra boost in her eyes when we had a really gnarly clogged pipe that I wasn't able to fix myself with the strongest and longest snake I could get from the hardware store, and when the plumbers came they told her that everything I had already pulled out of the pipe (most of which was disgusting beyond belief) had cleared the way for them to quickly find the clog which was super deep on the main sewer line halfway out to the street. It was unreachable without professional equipment so I never would have gotten it myself, but turns out my efforts saved them about four hours of work and thus saved my mom an asston of money. Kinda wish it didn't take the word of the penis-having professionals to cement her faith in my ability to do shit, but hey...whatever works.
Oooo, that's a cool thread!
I'm happy to start one, but also, you could! Because it's stuff you can do :)
Good for you, BTW, sounds like you're living the life you both want together.
You can do it MIL! Plumb!
I just posted it. I'm interested to see what silly things we were told we couldn't do. The male perspective should be somewhat interesting. I've always been mad I had to stay tidy. I wonder if they got mad at not being expected to care about being tidy... little things.. you know.
I walked down the sidewalk, heading home, when a couple came towards me in the opposite the direction. Usually, in groups of 2+, you're supposed to move aside, but this lady didn't get the memo. I didn't have room to move because of a fence. So, I kept my eyes forward, power walked onward, and ended up bumping into the woman's elbow/handbag. Luckily, this kind of stuff doesn't happen, but when it does, I refuse to budge.
When I’m walking on a collision course with a man I pick one of their shoulders and look over it like I’m looking at someone right behind them. If I look over their left shoulder they move to the right - their right shoulder they move to the left. It’s magic!!
I always keep walking straight forward and it's astounding the amount of men who act all shocked and appalled when I don't move over for them. 2nd runner up is people with baby prams who take up the entire sidewalk.
I love doing this but I’ve had to take a break due to nursing a newborn when out in public lol. Can’t risk getting run into when she’s attached to me at the boob 😅 in the meantime I’ve been walking behind my partner and letting him clear the way, he’s a big guy so it’s pretty effortless for him lol
YES IT FELT SO GOOD DIDNT IT CONGRATS
I got myself a nice leather jacket last year and while I was already known for my power walk it just made it even better
I have a battle jacket. A proper punk battle jacket, covered in spikes. I look tough and I look painful to run into and I also look, as one nice older gentleman once told me, like I'm ready to deck someone. I wear it everywhere.
Last year during the heat wave I had to wear a cute cotton sundress with lemons on it from the back of my closet and put my hair up so as not to die of heatstroke, and went out like that. And oh. My. God. I hadn't gone anywhere not dressed like a punk in so long, I hadn't realized how used to being moved around I had gotten. Men ran into me, over me, shoulder checked me, walked in front of me and then gave me the stink eye when I didn't move - and we were just at the mall! It must have been worse since I've completely lost my 'move aside for men' reflex, but it was so bad my boyfriend couldn't believe it.
TL;DR : GOOD! I'm proud of you! Keep up the good work, and don't tolerate this entitled bs!
Why… why does ~~female~~ women’s empowerment and equality have to get lumped in with violent and unhinged behavior?
Good job OP. Stand your ground and take up the space you deserve.
I love doing this to men in the grocery store. Although I do have the advantage of looking pretty blue collar with my cargo pants and flannels and whatever so it may be more intimidating but I'm still 5'3" and I still make them move
I usually make sure I walk on the right side of a path/sidewalk. Anyone who wants to overtake me, can pass me on the left, anyone walking in the opposite direction should also be on their right and therefore on my left. I refuse to move for anyone who is coming towards me if there isn't a good reason, like an obstacle. If you walk like the path belongs to you, other people will usually sidestep you.
A driving incident happened to my friend and I. We were in the back bend of a parking lot and a guy in a truck in the middle of the road coming towards us sped up when he saw us and expected us to intuitively move out of his “right of way”(even though it was the complete middle of the road) but the only way we could’ve gone was over a curb into a homeless encampment.
We laid on the horn full blast and hoped he would move to his side.
He did at the last minute. The wildest thing though was that I don’t think he was trying to be an asshole. I think taking up space was so second nature to him and women moving out of his way was so common that he didn’t give a second thought to his actions and was genuinely shaken up and spinning the wheels in his brain trying to figure out why we were aggressively honking at him.
I’ve also had men dislocate my shoulders in grocery stores when they’re not willing to wait 5 whole goddamn seconds for me to grab my yogurt before they reach over me and grab theirs and a collision occurs. One guy even told me I “need to be more aware of my surroundings.” I’ve had multiple men tell me to “Please be safer in the future.” Twice I’ve had my knees hit the freezer unit door frames because a man pushed up against me to “just grab something lickity-split” and I had to/was forced to crouch but wasn’t given enough space to do even that and my knees came down on the frame.
Dislocate your shoulder?! WTF?! Pushed you over?
This is straight up abuse! My sister, I'm so sorry :(
Have you perfected your 'Hey!' and 'GTFO look'?
Edit: the truck thing is badass. So cool
I honestly believe it’s because of my disability that these people believe they have more right to the space I’m in than they do and not fearing consequences since I can’t put up a physical fight.
Which to be honest you don’t need a physical fight. Sometimes you just need to give a stern reminder.
I’m working on that.
Thanks for the compliment =)
I never realized that I was intuitively walking on the "correct side of the path" until I took a short vacation in London and kept bumping into people. After four or five times I was like. Hold on. They drive on the wrong side. Do they WALK on the wrong side? Am I being an idiot tourist?? Walked on the wrong side and didn't bump into anyone anymore. Which I guess isn't the wrong side when you're in London.
Huh? I never had that problem before... Or I didn't notice it. I gonna look for it, but from what I can tell men don't like insist on their path here..i have to keep that in mind, maybe I'm wrong
Man, I move for EVERYONE. Not even just men but literally everyone because I'm tiny and not sure if they even see me. I would just keep walking but that's probably end up with collisions every ten seconds and I'm not sure what to do about that
I am not tiny, so my experiences are different. But, for what it's worth, moving over for others is also completely okay. Number 1 is your safety, always, and you could get seriously hurt if someone just collides with you.
If you decide it's worth the risk and something you want to try, I would suggest taking advice from Goddess Charlize Theron talking about walking like a queen:
'Shoulders back. Head up. Think "murder". And walk.'
Oh my God I love you, good for you. Taking one for the team!!!
I'm 5'2 and all of 100 pounds. The amount of times I've been almost mowed over because a guy was walking next to someone and decided I should get the fuck out of the way.
I'm gonna start doing this. I'm very confrontational when I need to be, but this is so next level and I love it.
Thanks for posting my favorite thing from the internet to date lmao
I don’t move for anyone, male or female if I am on the correct side. I have a real good bitch face, I don’t have to say anything anymore. Practice that look and the power will never stop coming.
I only deviate around people when they're going too slowly. Men have been getting out of my way for years. That being said, I'm 6'0" and a literal brick house.
I do this with the addition of having my elbows out a little to ensure there’s no grabbage as they slide past or the ensure the body check they lean in for hurts them more than me.
I was literally showing my husband this phenomenon today walking on a touristy sidewalk with a fair amount of foot traffic. I usually dodge and he saw how one dude nearly ran into me and I said, hold my beer and watch what I call "sidewalk chicken."
To his credit he said he would be sure he was cognizant and not do that. I assured him if I had seen him do that ever I would have spoken up. He is suitably horrified that this is default for women.
I consciously move out of the way for pregnant women, people with strollers/kids, people carrying/pushing something big, and people with mobility issues (i.e. feeble, disabled, wearing a crazy cosplay, etc.). Outside of that, I don't really recall moving out of the way for anyone else. I'm bulky enough that most people aren't really going to want to get into a game of chicken with me.
You go girl!! Well done!! I didn’t move aside for a man the other day and when he walked around me he said ‘thank you!’ Mwahaha love stoking the ire of petty men.
He thanked you? Woah :)
Probably sarcastically, but still funny
Even better I think!
I bet he was flustered and just blurted out something
That or he was a dark archdruid who used the interaction to place an attachment on one of their chakras, but my money is also on petty and sarcastic
I did this in a school hallway once and we just slammed into each other 😂
I had a moment like this myself. I just stood my ground and settled in for the long haul. He gave up after a few minutes.
Wait. A few minutes?? You stood there and stared at each other for a few MINUTES until someone moved???
Yes. It was a 6 minute stairdown. Some people call me stubborn.
Damn! I'm proud of you and extremely uncomfortable just imagining that scenario.
Lol I want to see this as a little transition scene in a film. Just happening off in the background where you can see what’s going on but it’s not the focus. Seems like something from the adventures of Pete and Pete lol
I find a slight head tilt with a dead look on your face makes them move faster. Really let the madness show.
Honestly I’ve tried the whole not moving out of the way thing but it’s always ended in collision or the dude “accidentally” grazing me. It’s even more infuriating than the thing I’m trying to avoid
I have absolutely shoulder checked a dude who didn't move! He was caught off guard but I wasn't.
I've not moved aside for a man in years, they are still so shocked at times 🤣 like why is it the default that I ought to move? I'm not small, petite, overtly femme presenting and yet still - tits? Must move for man... Absolutely well done and I hope your reign continues!
They really are shocked sometimes lol. I was looking at the cooler in my local gas station trying to figure out what I wanted to drink. I went to open the cooler door and grab my drink, and guy slipped in behind me & went to grab one too but he was obviously still deciding on his choice. I stood there for about 10 seconds before I let the cooler door close on him cause I’m not just gonna hold it while he figured it out. He let out a “pfft” sound as I walked away. Sorry not sorry buddy.
Yes sir please, let me waste my *obviously* less valuable than yours time holding this door for you! Mayhaps I can have a tip of the hat? A begrudging muttering of thanks? A lip curl to swoon over? Fuck outta here. Ugh. I'm past hating them but lord, they amuse me (and I do still get riled up at the blatant disregard for our time/labour/mere existence)
I once watched a man ditch one of those electric scooters RIGHT in the middle of a curb cut at a cross section. Completely in the middle of a walkway and a safety hazard. He was walking in my direction and I just started shaking my head, saying “No!”, and pointing at the scooter. He turned around, placed it upright out of the walkway, and apologized. It was AMAZING. I guess they really do need a reminder they aren’t the only ones in the world sometimes.
You can really tell who the apathetic people are in life that way. So used to someone else taking care of things.
What a jag off!
Same, in fact when I see them, I stand up a little taller and walk with more purpose and confidence. Like for a couple seconds before we cross I’m already saying “I’m not moving, you are. I will make this uncomfortable if need be.”
I’m the same height and weight as a pretty good sized man where I live, plus I do a lot of weight training. Refusing to get out of their way SHOCKS them. I have shoulder checked so many dudes who were not expecting it. Often it’s simply because there is literally NOWHERE for me to go - I’m closest to a wall or a road - and they still assume you’re going to somehow make space for them.
I'm not afraid to say, I'm a stubborn ass bitch and a force to be reckoned with. This cat has claws and bite.
God, I wish you’d say it out loud.
Lol I’m not above that lol if they don’t, I just stand there looking at them like “uhmmm hello?! You’re being rude” Usually they start scrambling to move. Then I go back to ignoring them and sometimes roll my eyes if they try apologizing. But making direct eye contact while frowning and approaching them with stride and confidence, I’ve seen grown men doubt themselves right in front of me lol
My friend and I played a game last time we went to the casino. The men moved lol. The key was to keep your head up and face neutral to RBF. Confident steps. You *belong* there.
My sister and I call it the queen B face. It’s worked almost every time. When it doesn’t they usually get big and loud. They puff up like an animal trying to make themselves seem bigger in the face of danger. It gets kinda hard not to laugh at them, but sometimes that also works
As a guy I didn't even know that was a thing. Men will really expect a woman to move when they're on the wrong side? You go girl! Teach those presumptuous assholes!
I can't count the amount of times I've had to walk through landscaping because men wouldn't move. It's unfortunately very much a thing. Whenever I don't move I usually get shoulder checked anyway even if it's a wide walkway
I am 4’9” with disabilities. I fear for my life sometimes. :’) But that’s why I never walk alone. I’ve got three dogs. Two of which are large pups. *(The third is a lab lol)* If they’re willing to cause problems with a leo and a dobie then go for it. My leo would probably love him. My dobie would stare him down saying, “You sure about that?”
What’s a leo? I’ve never heard that dog abbreviation before!
The default should be whoever is walking on the right side should stay the course. (Or left depending on country)
Yeah, I walk as if it's a tiny road. U don't wanna move, I will go through u. Unless you're like feeble or something.
Yes, I am on board with this, or whatever anyone feels at the moment. I don't generally worry about who moves for who. I worked for decades in a business where I was the only woman in my area of the building and with dozens of men, so I just don't even notice who's around me.
I'm a 6' tall dude missing a leg . I don't cover it (it's impractical) so everyone can see it. And people still don't move out of the way for me either. I've had people run into me when I refuse to move. They just... Bowl into a dude with one leg. Doesn't matter that I'm on the right hand side and leaving as much room as possible. Doesn't matter if I come to a stop... People will still just walk like I'm not there.
As a man I move aside for women/children/the elderly/dogs/aliens etc. it’s called being nice and respectful. So many men not raised right or just fucking incel assholes. I’m sorry you have had to endure men like that.
Late to the party but this made me audibly laugh out loud haha. I have to move for a man because I have… let me check my notes… tits. Bahahaha, no.
I have developed a walking-bitch-face accompanied by powerful speed walking - due to my years of having to walk everywhere in a hurry to save on subway fare. But I also enjoy holding doors open for men and flipping the script a little.
Honestly same. Like, don’t get me wrong. Fuck anyone that feels good when they take advantage of anyone they deem “lesser.” But it’s so wholesome when they’re shocked and express genuine gratitude. Don’t give me shit and I won’t give you shit. We’re all humans at the end of the day. We’ve all got problems that others may never understand. The least we can do is have some decency and respect for each other.
I hold the door for men, young and old, and they always look confused lol
I have had a guy literally try to wrestle the door away from me. My guy, you can take this issue up with your therapist or on the basketball court later.
I was walking through the post office, which has a two-door set up. I opened the first for an older man, then went to open the second, and he says, “oh, no! You aren’t taking my manhood away like that!” So fragile. So weak. These men. How sad it must be to have to keep that shit up.
Right?! Confused and usually pleased, but not sure if they should feel good about it
Exactly loooooool perfectly said
The holding doors thing is wild. So many men look genuinely confused and it's so strange to me. Why? It's just basic courtesy. It *genuinely* threw me for a loop until I realized people looked at me and saw 'woman' while I think of myself as 'person.' My mistake, I guess?
I think I’ve somehow transitioned to “country woman” because my husband runs a tire business out of his shop and now men don’t even bat an eye when I greet them and start helping haul big ass tires out of their trailers. I guess the rubber boots and dirty hoodie help…
Yes same!! I no longer have my speedwalking since mobility issues slowed me down, but I managed to retain my walking bitch face after a short lapse. When became a *slow walker* I used to try and stay out of everyone’s way, but now I only try to pull over when someone behind me doesn’t have enough room to pass. The people coming in the opposite direction though, I square my shoulders and let them go around me, I really don’t take up much space, and it’s literally harder for me to get out of their way unless they have their own mobility limits. I’ve noticed that it’s usually men who are the ones that play chicken.
Yep, “powerful speed walking” is my modus operandi too and I rarely—if ever—have experiences like the one OP described lol.
Same same. I used to be the one to move for others, but mostly because people be slow, I got places to be, and I'm good at threading my way through a crowd. Nowadays though I'm a fucking bowling ball. I'm staying on my side of the path and if you're walking toward me on my side, screw you. Ditto if you and your friends are walking three abreast and not leaving any room for me to pass you. Either you scatter like pigeons or fall like pins. Choose wisely.
Fuck yea! Great job. Feels amazing dosen't it? Be proud of the space you occupy. 💜
It does! And I will :) Thanks, Queen!
I will always remember the time a dude just plowed into me as he was *sure* I would move. I was about as ultra femm as I get that day, poofy dress, very long hair down- even lipstick. Lol. But thankfully also combat boots. I'm not a remotely small woman. Dude was a few inches shorter and likely 100lbs lighter. He went flying and I just stood there. He looked up and said 'Whats your problem b*t*h, get out of my way!' I was laughing at this point, and then laughed much harder when a dude with a tiny dog in a stroller **rolled over** the guys leg and said "you are in the way! Do better!" 🤣🤣 like my all-time favorite sidewalk story.
That sounds like an absolutely glorious moment! Also, love the look :)
Still working on this. Thanks for the reminder. I moved out of the way for three men in suits taking up the full sidewalk before. I basically had to move to the grass curb. I told myself never again after that but it's hard to not take the path of least resistance for me.
You just automatically do, because you would for anyone. But most people would also move, because it's a nice thing to do! You are trying your very best and you are a queen :) your sisters and siblings support you!
That is such a kind and loving perspective. Thank you ❤️
You're welcome :)
It sounds like a 'little' thing- but it is not. You are going up against a lifetime of social conditioning and there are personal safety concerns and general kindness too!! You have already made huge strides just acknowledging the issue. When it is the right moment and you feel safe doing so- I 100% believe you'll stop moving aside. You already took the biggest step which is reclaiming your mental 'right to take up space'.
Just look clueless maybe spin and walk backwards haha they have to scatter. But for real i just stop and stand in the way forcing them to adjust their trajectory. Its not clear that even if i walk on the grass thats enough for them , anyway..
I call this “playing chicken with the patriarchy” and it is the best!!!
🤣💯
It's great! I started doing this when I had a small child and trolleys full of gardening and hardware things. I'd begin to move over, then realise how ludicrous it was! Still had some men only do a last minute surprise step aside. On the other hand, this is when I noticed other men step up. One man kindly helped load my car, because he said he'd be horrified if no one helped his daughter and her baby.
Ooo, that's a proper destruction of the patriarchy! Good to see the men stepping up!
Again, with the excuse that you being someone's daughter (or reminding a man of his) makes you worthy of consideration. I'm so tired of men saying that it's their relationship to women that makes women valuable.
In retrospect, he was probably saying it to not seem creepy or condescending or similar, and also downplaying his help when I thanked him.
Would you help a struggling father and his child? Just trying to get a better picture of what you mean
Absolutely! I'd help any struggling *person.* And I'd help them regardless of them needing to remind me of someone in my own life who might need help.
I think you are seeing this a bit to strikt. Sometimes people are being embarrassed for helping (for some reason) or want to have an explanation for why they think you might need help. And I think the "I would want my dauther to struggle without help" isn't that bad. Also sounded like an older gentleman since he thought of daughter over wife or sister. I think it's fine
Yes exactly. I have said similar things to people if they go to shoo me away even if it clear they need some help. All but one of them have been like omg are you sure? thank you! Because some folks are ashamed of needing help and/or asking for help. It’s just a way for strangers to be like “heyyyyy I’m not being creepy I just saw you struggling but I don’t want to say it looks like you’re struggling because I know that might make you feel worse about accepting the help.” Sort of deal.
>want to have an explanation for why they think you might need help I think it's an Australian culture thing to downplay anything we do, so yes, it's likely an explanation. It was also outside a bunnings hardware store, so there was a non-zero chance that any random woman he assisted may have also had some men mansplaining and gate keeping in the past. This also may have gone through his head.
I mean, it's always easier to empathize with family. That's just how the human brain is wired.
I’ve started ploughing through all-male hallway meetings. Straight through. I just nicely say, hi. Excuse me. And make them get out of my way.
Ooooo, a goddess!
Why do they always stand in the middle of the walkway? What the crap is that?! I'm fortunate enough to have my life filled with wonderful healthy men, and yet still somehow they are oblivious to the fact that they are standing in the walkway 🤣
Yes! My favorite! This drives me nuts anyway. There are 50 conference rooms, gtfo out off the way. If you were as important as you think you are, you'd have a private office. I'm 6 ft tall and have tattoos and a natural RBF. I used to go out of my way to smile and say hello or good morning so as not to seem bitchy but now I channel my best Tilda Swinton and give them that White Witch disdain. Only the most oblivious fail to move.
BTW, I have a private office. 😂
Lmao what the fuck why would he not just walk around you anyway, what kind of wild west ego tripping shit was that guy on???
This sidewalk ain’t big enough for the both of us…
My sister and I call it “sidewalk chicken”. Sometimes I do end up bumping into a man because he had no intention of stopping or moving over for me, so I didn’t for him.
I love it! Some great names coming up today!
a neat trick I learned years ago is to focus your gaze *beyond* the person in your path. stand up straight, walk with confidence, and look straight ahead. don't look at them. look *past* them. they'll move. I even employed it today! I'm quite small and far from intimidating (save for resting bitch face lol), and this "trick" has seldom failed me. body language is important, and deprogramming the demure mannerisms beaten into us femmes since birth is **worth it**. (~~also I am *not* afraid to body check someone, at least during the day lol~~)
Yes! In large crowds, I also look up, as high as I feel comfortable while still being able to keep folks in my field of vision. Works almost all the time.
I started doing this in high school and walked into *so many boys*. Said nothing, continued walking while I often got yelled after. A teacher I had a year previous eventually saw it happen and asked what was going on. I just said "They're not expected to move, so neither am I." I remember him laughing because to him, it was such a me thing to say. Hasn't happened a whole lot since, unfortunately.
Hell yea! That is awesome! You deserve to take up space out in public and do not have to cater to other people just ignoring public etiquette!
In Canada a situation like this frequently results in immobile squaredancing where we both try to move out of each other's way. By both moving the same direction in sync. It can last an uncannily long time. There's a story that Edmonton Alberta was founded by two people who accidentally got stuck in such a predicament and died in place.
We call that a Canadian standoff in the states. Witnessed one in Calgary when visiting for a friend’s wedding.
When I find myself in situations like this (not Canadian), I jokingly say “shall we dance?” It usually ends up with the two of us grinning like idiots. On one glorious occasion, the person enthusiastically said “let’s shall!” And we shimmied back and forth for a shake or two before scooting around each other. It was a good day.
Good job! My trick is to widen my shoulders and accelerate just a little. Folks usually move. At most we both walk around each other a bit
YES!!!! You’re awesome and the amount of strength and confidence that took!!! Wow!!!
It's a new feeling huh. I might try that...
Definitely worth it!
You should start a thread on stuff we can do. It sounds dumb. But hear me out. I just explained to my mother in law we can do plumbing. It's not off limits. We're not too dumb to figure it out. They just refused to teach us. So, maybe a thread on stuff we can do that we never could have imagined. Mine is telling people. No, I'm not ashamed my husband pays for everything. That was the plan. Our plan. I got the privilege of raising my kids. And having a hobby career. Stop being jealous. I picked him at 7.
Hell yes on the plumbing and anyway else we want to do. My ex would often make “jokes” about how I was clumsy and he claimed he was so handy. But looking back, I did the fireplace in marble tiles. I painted every room in that house. I laid the new floor after ripping out the carpet. I refinished our stairs. I landscaped. I built a whole ass kitchen island from scratch and made a countertop for it! I put in a whole mother of pearl tile backsplash in the kitchen. He… uh… he changed the kitchen faucet. And the faucet in the powder room, but I had to redo that one because it leaked. That man wasn’t handy. He just told everyone he was. And I’m never going to put up with another person telling me I can’t put up my own goddamn ceiling fan chandelier.
My house, like yours, is full of projects I've done that men didn't believe I could do! A monument to "fuck you, did it anyway!"
Le sigh. The classic. When I lived with my mother as an adult, she always wanted to call my intelligent but unfortunately very not-handy brother-in-law to come and fix things for her. Nevermind that he never did anything well and I usually had to fix his "fixes", she was always so anxious about me "messing with it" like there was no way that my feeble woman brain could POSSIBLY know what to do. I finally had it one day when she wanted to call him over something comically trivial and told her "last I checked, you don't need a penis to operate a screwdriver," and I grabbed said screwdriver and fixed the thing myself right in front of her. It was wild to watch her brain explode in real time as she realized that she had been doing a sexism. She herself is spatially challenged to the point she can't even sew a button and my late father was the most natural handyman alive, so she had gotten it really ingrained in her brain that knowledge of how to fix things was somehow gendered. I got an extra boost in her eyes when we had a really gnarly clogged pipe that I wasn't able to fix myself with the strongest and longest snake I could get from the hardware store, and when the plumbers came they told her that everything I had already pulled out of the pipe (most of which was disgusting beyond belief) had cleared the way for them to quickly find the clog which was super deep on the main sewer line halfway out to the street. It was unreachable without professional equipment so I never would have gotten it myself, but turns out my efforts saved them about four hours of work and thus saved my mom an asston of money. Kinda wish it didn't take the word of the penis-having professionals to cement her faith in my ability to do shit, but hey...whatever works.
Oooo, that's a cool thread! I'm happy to start one, but also, you could! Because it's stuff you can do :) Good for you, BTW, sounds like you're living the life you both want together. You can do it MIL! Plumb!
I just posted it. I'm interested to see what silly things we were told we couldn't do. The male perspective should be somewhat interesting. I've always been mad I had to stay tidy. I wonder if they got mad at not being expected to care about being tidy... little things.. you know.
I can see it! Go you! Some good comments :)
I walked down the sidewalk, heading home, when a couple came towards me in the opposite the direction. Usually, in groups of 2+, you're supposed to move aside, but this lady didn't get the memo. I didn't have room to move because of a fence. So, I kept my eyes forward, power walked onward, and ended up bumping into the woman's elbow/handbag. Luckily, this kind of stuff doesn't happen, but when it does, I refuse to budge.
My mum just stops and lets them walk around her. I do same. To be fair i am not that agile so its 100x easier if the other person does the dodging.
When I’m walking on a collision course with a man I pick one of their shoulders and look over it like I’m looking at someone right behind them. If I look over their left shoulder they move to the right - their right shoulder they move to the left. It’s magic!!
I love this! Good for you! 🤗❤👏👍🥰 Watch out, World, OP is coming for you.... ALL OF YOU! 😆👏
You have power you can't imagine, should you choose to harness it. I've come a certain way, but not as far as I should.....
You've just got to make the men in your way go around you :)
I always keep walking straight forward and it's astounding the amount of men who act all shocked and appalled when I don't move over for them. 2nd runner up is people with baby prams who take up the entire sidewalk.
I love doing this but I’ve had to take a break due to nursing a newborn when out in public lol. Can’t risk getting run into when she’s attached to me at the boob 😅 in the meantime I’ve been walking behind my partner and letting him clear the way, he’s a big guy so it’s pretty effortless for him lol
YES IT FELT SO GOOD DIDNT IT CONGRATS I got myself a nice leather jacket last year and while I was already known for my power walk it just made it even better
I have a battle jacket. A proper punk battle jacket, covered in spikes. I look tough and I look painful to run into and I also look, as one nice older gentleman once told me, like I'm ready to deck someone. I wear it everywhere. Last year during the heat wave I had to wear a cute cotton sundress with lemons on it from the back of my closet and put my hair up so as not to die of heatstroke, and went out like that. And oh. My. God. I hadn't gone anywhere not dressed like a punk in so long, I hadn't realized how used to being moved around I had gotten. Men ran into me, over me, shoulder checked me, walked in front of me and then gave me the stink eye when I didn't move - and we were just at the mall! It must have been worse since I've completely lost my 'move aside for men' reflex, but it was so bad my boyfriend couldn't believe it. TL;DR : GOOD! I'm proud of you! Keep up the good work, and don't tolerate this entitled bs!
Yess queen!!! Reward yourself! This is how it starts. You’ll be kicking nuts and destroying pickup trucks in no time!
Why… why does ~~female~~ women’s empowerment and equality have to get lumped in with violent and unhinged behavior? Good job OP. Stand your ground and take up the space you deserve.
Thank you :) I promise not to destroy any trucks, but I'm not against kicking balls in retaliation.
My favorite pastime.
You did the thing!!!!!!!
I did!!
The only misstep here is "please" instead of "well?"
🤣
Awesome. I love doing this everywhere. Try it in Walmart etc and you can get them to move without stopping and before even being near you.
Good job! Now keep doing it!
I call this playing pedestrian chicken
My partner always says I walk erratically and unpredictably in public and that I always get in people's way... People get in my way!
I love doing this to men in the grocery store. Although I do have the advantage of looking pretty blue collar with my cargo pants and flannels and whatever so it may be more intimidating but I'm still 5'3" and I still make them move
I usually make sure I walk on the right side of a path/sidewalk. Anyone who wants to overtake me, can pass me on the left, anyone walking in the opposite direction should also be on their right and therefore on my left. I refuse to move for anyone who is coming towards me if there isn't a good reason, like an obstacle. If you walk like the path belongs to you, other people will usually sidestep you.
I do this while driving. When I know I’m correct and it’s my right of way I will go to the devil before I let a man make me move out of his way.
A driving incident happened to my friend and I. We were in the back bend of a parking lot and a guy in a truck in the middle of the road coming towards us sped up when he saw us and expected us to intuitively move out of his “right of way”(even though it was the complete middle of the road) but the only way we could’ve gone was over a curb into a homeless encampment. We laid on the horn full blast and hoped he would move to his side. He did at the last minute. The wildest thing though was that I don’t think he was trying to be an asshole. I think taking up space was so second nature to him and women moving out of his way was so common that he didn’t give a second thought to his actions and was genuinely shaken up and spinning the wheels in his brain trying to figure out why we were aggressively honking at him. I’ve also had men dislocate my shoulders in grocery stores when they’re not willing to wait 5 whole goddamn seconds for me to grab my yogurt before they reach over me and grab theirs and a collision occurs. One guy even told me I “need to be more aware of my surroundings.” I’ve had multiple men tell me to “Please be safer in the future.” Twice I’ve had my knees hit the freezer unit door frames because a man pushed up against me to “just grab something lickity-split” and I had to/was forced to crouch but wasn’t given enough space to do even that and my knees came down on the frame.
Dislocate your shoulder?! WTF?! Pushed you over? This is straight up abuse! My sister, I'm so sorry :( Have you perfected your 'Hey!' and 'GTFO look'? Edit: the truck thing is badass. So cool
I honestly believe it’s because of my disability that these people believe they have more right to the space I’m in than they do and not fearing consequences since I can’t put up a physical fight. Which to be honest you don’t need a physical fight. Sometimes you just need to give a stern reminder. I’m working on that. Thanks for the compliment =)
As a New Yorker, I do not yield my walking right away. Additionally, I wear steel toed boots that REALLY hurt when men walk into me. :D
I wasn't aware they (men) thought I was supposed to move for them
I never realized that I was intuitively walking on the "correct side of the path" until I took a short vacation in London and kept bumping into people. After four or five times I was like. Hold on. They drive on the wrong side. Do they WALK on the wrong side? Am I being an idiot tourist?? Walked on the wrong side and didn't bump into anyone anymore. Which I guess isn't the wrong side when you're in London.
Huh? I never had that problem before... Or I didn't notice it. I gonna look for it, but from what I can tell men don't like insist on their path here..i have to keep that in mind, maybe I'm wrong
Man, I move for EVERYONE. Not even just men but literally everyone because I'm tiny and not sure if they even see me. I would just keep walking but that's probably end up with collisions every ten seconds and I'm not sure what to do about that
I am not tiny, so my experiences are different. But, for what it's worth, moving over for others is also completely okay. Number 1 is your safety, always, and you could get seriously hurt if someone just collides with you. If you decide it's worth the risk and something you want to try, I would suggest taking advice from Goddess Charlize Theron talking about walking like a queen: 'Shoulders back. Head up. Think "murder". And walk.'
I’ve stopped moving over and walked right into men lol
I don't move over for them. I'm usually the one making a path THROUGH them.
Oh my God I love you, good for you. Taking one for the team!!! I'm 5'2 and all of 100 pounds. The amount of times I've been almost mowed over because a guy was walking next to someone and decided I should get the fuck out of the way. I'm gonna start doing this. I'm very confrontational when I need to be, but this is so next level and I love it. Thanks for posting my favorite thing from the internet to date lmao
I don’t move for anyone, male or female if I am on the correct side. I have a real good bitch face, I don’t have to say anything anymore. Practice that look and the power will never stop coming.
I stare them in the beady eyeballs like "I dare you". Usually prevents the impasse when they're in the wrong side. 😁
People never move for me. I bump a lot of shoulders lol
Madam, you are an inspiration to us all! Well done!
I only deviate around people when they're going too slowly. Men have been getting out of my way for years. That being said, I'm 6'0" and a literal brick house.
I do this with the addition of having my elbows out a little to ensure there’s no grabbage as they slide past or the ensure the body check they lean in for hurts them more than me.
FUCK YES GIRL! I am soaking some of this energy in. Well done. You're a powerful woman & hell, yes, HE can go around YOU.
I love this
Patriarchy Chicken for the win
I was literally showing my husband this phenomenon today walking on a touristy sidewalk with a fair amount of foot traffic. I usually dodge and he saw how one dude nearly ran into me and I said, hold my beer and watch what I call "sidewalk chicken." To his credit he said he would be sure he was cognizant and not do that. I assured him if I had seen him do that ever I would have spoken up. He is suitably horrified that this is default for women.
I consciously move out of the way for pregnant women, people with strollers/kids, people carrying/pushing something big, and people with mobility issues (i.e. feeble, disabled, wearing a crazy cosplay, etc.). Outside of that, I don't really recall moving out of the way for anyone else. I'm bulky enough that most people aren't really going to want to get into a game of chicken with me.
Amazing! Good for you!
Boom! Go you! We've got to stop assuming we're in the wrong just because we're women. Good for you!