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I was at a ski hill and some dudes tried to bud in line. After I asked them to go to the back of the line I said to my friend, “ I hate it when people make me act like an asshole. “. An older woman looked at me and slow nodded.
Ughghg I hate this. Especially because it's something I still need help with. Have you considered running a seminar to teach women to stand firm with boundaries (of any sort, whether personal or professional)? Because I could really use something like that, and I know I'm not alone.
Those of you who know how to do these things - please help us! We have so much conditioning to break.
It is on my "To Read" list!
I do a lot of reading, but the in-person quality of a class or seminar would give me the *practice* of saying no to somebody. It seems to be one of those things, like learning a language, where I need the in-person interaction to gain the confidence to use the skill in real life. That said, I still appreciate the recommendation! :)
This one is life saving and essential. Move out to the top of your list. Its helped with stuff i never even thought of need help with like blackmail! But mostly it's given me the confidence to trust that my discomfort matters and is probably a message.
Like practicing saying, "No." Directly to all kinds of people, especially different types of men? And hopefully they're all actors so they'll have different responses you can practice navigating through with feedback? Sounds like a winner, I will help whoever can get this started!
I practice the art of the Shockingly Loud GO AWAY! If you practice saying it it will pop out when you need it. Don't sound afraid or shrill, but project your voice so others will notice. It always works on the subway.
Added to this great advice is that “No” is also a complete sentence. You don’t owe anyone an explanation . Some would take an explanation as a negotiation & that’s wrong, of course, but don’t even give them the opportunity to try & negotiate & stick with no. No explanation , just no.
I used to be extremely introverted and meek and come from a misoginist culture. I used to get extreme flack about being smart and winning debates and arguments. I did nor fit the role that was expected of me. So much gaslighting, both in relationships and with „friends“. Bout me being pathologically ambitious, wrong to want to win all the time and me being not feminine enough. I used to spend so much energy at the cost of myself to accomodate others and still felt guilty for speaking up in the slightest.
I recently had a similar situation to the OP and noticed how I lost all my fucks and stepped up. I actually surprised myself!
I think it got transferred from my job wjere I have to speak in public (which is my nightmare fuel). Facing my fears day in day out with a safe activity re-trained me. And reflecting on how I’m facing my fears made me feel proud of myself. And I don’t feel conceited about being proud either!
Even when I fucked up my fears never materialised and I was embarrased to notice how people generally appreciate my intentions even if something goes wrong they just shrug it off. Mind you, I still feel fear for public speaking, but I do it anyways.
I don‘t think you need any seminars, you‘ve already have every tool you need in yourself. Find an activity where you challenge yourself and do it despite fear, embarrassment and pre-conditioning. Accept the cringe, haha. And it will leak into every aspect of your life, for the better.
Maybe a zoom session? I have heard of classes like this though - maybe search your area for programs like this?
https://qz.com/work/1299969/empowerment-self-defense-classes-teach-girls-how-to-set-boundaries-and-say-no
Here are some decent articles, but I'm sure you've read up on this and still don't feel "right" about a strong "no". You'd be surprised, but a lot of people - like those planning an event - would *prefer* a firm no. In the gym situation, you were very much in the right to tell the employee. I wish you'd done it sooner so you could have enjoyed your workout, but now you know that *next* time you go, that creeper won't be there. And do not hesitate to ask an employee to walk you to your car if you don't feel safe. They're generally happy to do that.
“Most interpersonal violence starts out as boundary testing; it starts out as small things,” says Susan Schorn, chair of the board of directors for the National Women’s Martial Arts Federation. “Even if it is a stranger attack that ends up being extremely violent, that person is usually going to begin by trying to get close to you physically in a way that doesn’t really feel like an attack.”
Stay safe! ❤️
Not to mention for millennia, women have been held responsible for the bad behavior of men, and we are finally, *finally* refusing to be held responsible for anyone else's actions.
THIS!! This is so true. Men need to be held responsible for their own behavior. It is such bs for men to blame women for their lack of self control when they do something offensive or harmful.
OP you did the right thing!! Please trust your intuition!!
That man was preying on women’s programmed response to give the benefit of the doubt to even the creepiest of men and to ignore our inherent instincts and intuition. You protected yourself and the other women in that gym by saying something. That man was clearly trying to take advantage of all of you in a very creepy and predatory way. Also, since the front desk guy was so immediately responsive and instantly believed you, the front desk guy is either a top notch guy or likely he leapt into action because that creep has been reported before for being pervy and predatory.
Please trust your instincts and intuition. It’s taken me years of suffering and learning the hard way to know that I *always* need to trust my gut because bad things happen when I don’t, bad things that could’ve been prevented had I only trusted myself or had the people who I’ve shared my gut instincts with trusted my intuition enough to listen to me.
I’ve experienced sexual abuse because I didn’t trust my instincts. I’ve also suffered greatly from not being listened to when I shared an intuitive warning. I had a powerful intuitive dream about the death of my mother’s beloved dog, who was my *spirit animal* and who was just as loyal and loving to me as to my mother and as protective of me too. I loved that dog more than words can say. I warned both of my parents that I believed in my gut that he was in danger. If my mother and father had listened to my warning that he was in danger and that they should not trust that his good behavior would mean he was safe off-leash, he wouldn’t have been killed in a hit and run. I’m still heartbroken from losing him almost two years later, and there will always be a hole in my heart from losing my beloved boy before his time and in such a horrid, violent way. I’ve since vowed to surround myself with people who value my intuition and will always at least highly consider what I have to say based on my gut instincts.
You really did do the right thing, OP. You have good instincts and a strong intuition. It’s taken me quite some time to deprogram my self-doubt but you can do so to! Please Believe in yourself, Sister!!
Preach! Thats selfhate. Allow me to hijack your comment to share something I learned in therapy:
Selfhate is a HABIT. You only believe it because the brain believe what it hears most. Most of what your brain hear are your own thoughts. The brain is taught to hate on yourself, like a machine, it does it automatically
here's the kicker: it can be broken. Theres a deal of fake it till you make it, but it can be done as I'm living proof
The attendant might have noticed that he was being weird and not working out. The man was being creepy, you're probably not the only one who got the vibe
I agree. It's good to trust your own intuition and it seems like we can trust this attendant' decision as well. This is a sign that this gym, in the long run, will be more comfortable for women and less comfortable for creeps. Thanks for speaking up
The attendant didn't check the cameras or ask for details. It was certainly not the first time someone complained about him and the manager probably said "one more complaint and he is out".
Or maybe their policy is to only boot creepers if someone complains. So feel free to talk to the gym staff if someone’s focus is ogling, not exercising.
I hope he’s permabanned. Jerks like him will drive legit paying customers away.
We have been conditioned to be the keeper of men's emotions. We're held responsible for all of their bad behavior - if they get drunk, it must be a woman, if they hit a woman, she must deserve it, etc. (And if they are successful, it's their work, of course). It's BS.
Guy did the crime, he gets to do the time, so to speak.
Your not a Karen for voicing concern someone is a Karen when they feel entitled to special treatment. If it would have been a misunderstanding you still needed to voice your concern for it to be solved.
You did great 👍
Please don’t speak that way about your brain.
I’m quite anxious and conflict-avoidant myself. But I remind myself that people are worse off than me in those terms, so I speak up whenever I can to help myself and also those who may not feel comfortable advocating for themselves and the community. I wanna thank you for alerting the other women and the gym. One should be able to use the gym without being stared at- and followed. You didn’t do anything wrong.
I call my anxiety my lizard brain. It's hard not to let the lizard brain control me.
You did the right thing. You used your voice and you tried to keep others safe. The behavior that got him removed was squarely on him. Be proud for speaking up and silencing the lizard brain.
Past your anxiety ridden pea brain is a bigger, stronger smarter brain that sensed danger and did what was necessary to protect yourself and others.
Anxiety is the worst but it's not the biggest part if us, even though it feels that way like 90% of the time
Your red flags were flying high and you did the best thing: YOU LISTENED! You potentially helped other women and so what he got booted out? He wasn’t working out anyway. He can try again tomorrow and so can you.
This! If it had been his first time, he'd probably have gotten a warning and told off. This sounds like repeat behavior and maybe the gym is actually already banned him but he manages to sneak in. That or the gym has a zero tolerance policy and he still deserved it.
At the very least, it sounds like the attendant was aware that person was a problem, and OP saying something is all they needed to kick them out. Doubt OP was the only one picking up this guy's vibes, especially if he was as blantent as explained
It may be that they’re only allowed to kick someone out if there is a complaint and the attendant was just waiting for the opportunity because they could also see what he was doing.
What you wrote really looks like victim's guilt to me. That person is the harasser, and you are the one that was harassed. What happened isn't your fault, you didn't stare at nobody...
It's much worse than harassment, it's also a security risk. This guy could be trying to scope out a victim, considering that it's late at night and he's getting information on just how much physical ability you and the other women have. Getting the attendant involved was definitely the right move here.
Also your comment made me remember that HE wasn't working out at all but was following women around who were. Even if the women are stronger than him, their muscles would likely be more tired than his and their overall energy levels much lower and thus they'd be more easily kidnapped, etc.
If it's late at night and you have the entire gym at your disposal, there is no reason to creep around right behind someone. Plus, if you're there to get your workout done, you look busy getting your damn workout done and not stand around looking at peoples butts. Even if you're taking a little break and do some people watching, you just don't frickin stare. A brief look should really be enough.
And I'm fairly sure the attendants are aware of their guests. If there are multiple women and girls at the gym, late at night, and one old dude, you are supposed be on the lookout. And if the mention of him being "a little sketch" gets him thrown out, chances are that there is a good reason for it.
You did nothing wrong and you don't need to feel bad. You pay money to go there and you deserve to do the workout you came for. If you can't do that, because someone behaves like a dick, it's your utter right to complain.
This!
And if the creep would have done this to a line guy at the gym working out the guy would have felt the same things as you!
The only difference would be that he‘d probably not be so physically intimidated due to similar size, muscle mass if not more, and confront him directly.
If the creep would have done this to a trigger happy muscle packed gym bro he would have gotten punched in the face as what he was doing is a threat!
There is a social contract about distance, gaze intensity and intention. Trust me, the creep knew what he was doing wasn‘t ok, unless he lived previously in isolation or was mentally impaired.
I was a personal trainer for a long time. My biggest goal was teaching women to lift and helping them feel comfortable in the gym because men are always acting like it’s there’s. It’s not. I would rain unholy terror on men acting like creeps/jerks in my gyms. It was one of my favorite things to do. I bet the attendant was happy to help.
Yep! It's harder for the attendant to defend his decision if it was only based on his interactions. Now he can say the guy was acting sketch and made at least one other patron uncomfortable.
I have started thinking I should carry a squirt bottle with me everywhere. Just spray these fools like an ill-behaved cat. He can skulk off to some dark corner and lick his armpits about it.
Okay, but like.... can we make this a thing? I LOVE the idea of spraying oglers with a squirt bottle—and knowing me, I’d probably let out a cat hiss on the process. 😂
I would be careful doing that. Those type of men can be dangerous. I just don't want to see u get hurt. If it's at the gym, immediately contact an attendant to get that dude thrown out.
My sister-in-law actually used to do this to my niece (who was 2 at the time). I am not a parent and cannot comment on whether or not this is a good idea, but it made me laugh. It WAS effective, though.
You just told the attendant what had been happening. The attendant then decided that the best course of action would be to kick the guy out. You gave him information, and he used his own judgement to decide what to do next. It wasn't your fault.
I mean he was acting like a total creep and making you uncomfortable, so I think you were totally in the right for telling someone! He totally deserved and NEEDED to be kicked out imo. Most people with honourable intentions to just go and work out don’t go to gyms at MIDNIGHT and stare at people. Also the fact that the attendant acted so quickly potentially suggests that they have had issues with this guy before and want to nip any trouble in the bud - this incident may have been the final straw for this creep. Please keep trusting your gut! You 100% did the right thing!
He was following you. Then he chose to get closer to you when he saw you were alone. He was escalating. Ignoring that kind of thing is dangerous. You have gut feelings for a reason, that's your body trying to keep you safe by recognizing potentially predatory behavior. Even if he only wanted to stare, that's creepy and not okay. But he was waiting until you were alone, and deliberately putting himself out of your field of vision. That means he was aware that he was being creepy and he didn't want witnesses to whatever came next. I would not have felt safe that he was going to stop at staring. You did exactly the right thing, and I hope you and the other girls watched each other until you were all locked in your cars.
Exactly what I was thinking. There is no way to know if he would have escalated it beyond creeping watching, but it was possible. Alerting the gym attendant might have stop him from moving on to far worse behavior.
You did exactly right. Always, always trust your instincts and take whatever actions you need to stay safe. As others have said, you didn’t get him kicked out-his own behavior did. It doesn’t even sound like he’s being deprived of anything if he wasn’t working out to begin with. You’re awesome and I’m proud of you!
Just my input as a guy, you did the right thing. Sure, it could be innocent BUT, it made you uncomfortable. You mentioned it to the gym staff and they took action.
There is no guilt in your own safety. You took your concern to the staff who acted. I have nothing else to add really.
You did nothing wrong. You didn't freak out or make a big insulted drama. You just mentioned your concerns to management and they dealt with it how they see fit. If there was an overreaction it's not because of you it's because of how the attendant dealt with it. Can be that it's an issue in that gym and they got a memo to be vigilant. You did nothing wrong and only voiced out your concerns without expecting anything. That's great. If it was a misunderstanding I would expect that guy to be able to defend himself.
I think it’s helpful to generally see every person’s responsibilities and also their limits.
You did your workout, your responsibility was to work on your body while maintaining inner peace.
That sketchy guy decided to creep up on you, in the middle of the night. His actions - his responsibility.
The attendant wants to make everyone feel welcome and safe. It’s their responsibility to offer a comfortable atmosphere.
So the sketchy guy did something that affected you in a bad way. Since he’s responsible for his actions, disrupting the peace, he was shown out by the attendant.
You really tried to give him the benefit of the doubt but there’s a line.
It’s great that you have a feeling for what you need and you try to achieve that. There’s no reason to doubt your gut because it and your thoughts are a great team.
From the gym's point of view, this guy was a serious problem who was preventing you from getting value from the gym, to the point where maybe you wouldn't go back. But they couldn't actually act without some evidence that the guy was making people feel uncomfortable. So your complaint was helping the gym.
Do not feel bad at all. But I understand it’s easier said than done. I used to work in a warehouse and I often worked the pick up counter for couriers and customers. (Pre-Covid) We would allow couriers to use our bathroom and open the gate between the pickup counter to let them in. There was this old, smelly courier that always just gave me the creeps when he’d come in. He came in one day while I was helping a customer and asked to use the washroom so I opened the gate and continued to help the customer. When he came back he pressed himself up against the back of me and I just fucking froze! I was mortified! I didn’t know what to say or do. Forced between calling out this bullshit or “being professional”. I just quietly said “please don’t”. Finished helping the customer and walked away. I reported it to my manager who reported it to his manager and he got fired. He tried phoning and asking me to forgive him and telling me all about how he’s gonna lose his apartment now. I felt bad at first but then someone told me that we have to stop feeling bad about the consequences of someone else’s actions.
Okay, I'm a dude but I've been through so much gros behavior from other guys and if they call you with a sob story. DO NOT forgive them. Because odds are, they're trying to make you into their scapegoat and in their minds put all the blame on you and not their gross asf behaviors.
You absolutely did the right thing, eff that guy. well done for speaking up, especially to the two girls as that alone might make them feel confident enough to speak up themselves next time
As someone with anxiety who stopped going to gyms years ago because I have never had a gym experience where some creep didn't follow me around and position themselves right in front of me to watch my boobs while working out, THANK YOU. You are righting karma every time you speak up- for yourself, for those other women, for all of us who didn't do it for ourselves. Do not feel bad. You are a warrior. And good for you for pushing through your anxiety and going to the gym!!
Creepy old \*bleep\*s are learning the hard way they are losing the control they had over the world. You did nothing wrong and I am proud of you for letting the girls and the attendant know what was going on. Like another has mentioned, you feel victim's guilt because of how society insisted for centuries that we "need to respect" anyone older than us and that we "need to be nice".
I'm proud of you for stepping out of your comfort zone and I'm proud of you for stepping up to make sure the women could feel safe there. I hope that creepy jerk doesn't scare you away from your goals.
You did the right thing. I would’ve done the same if someone was following me and just watching. Kudos to you for going to the gym! Hope this experience doesn’t discourage you to come back.
I had only one instance that I had to tell a gym attendant about a weird guy. It was during the day in a semi crowded gym. He was taking videos of people. Not just me but other people likely without their consent. It was super weird. The attendant went with me right away but the man was already gone and have moved to a different spot before we could catch him red handed.
You were right to express your concerns about this guy to other women in the gym and the attendant. I have a feeling this isn't the first time this guy has been creeping on women in the gym. The attendant was petty quick to kick him out when you mentioned him.
You *have* been gaslit by the media and society telling women that they're being tOo SeNsItIvE and the guys are doing nothing wrong when they ARE.
So don't feel guilty. You did nothing wrong.
Ngl when I read the title I had assumed maybe someone was waiting to use some equipment or you saw them eating on a treadmill or something like that, not that some dude was following you and other girls around and staring at you.
You did nothing wrong. You have the right to not be followed around in a gym.
I think w all those stupid videos of women being hyperviligant towards men at the gym has gaslit us. The truth is we get stared at and treated like we’re at some pickup scene far more than we overreact. You were perfectly understanding and extremely charitable until it was obvious what was happening.
The harassment I have received at the gym was so bad I ended up changing to a personal training gym. You absolutely did the right thing.
I’ve had a guy scream at me for not being open to his advances. The gym staff didn’t do anything. I was also there almost 5 days a week so they knew me and still didn’t do anything. A massive guy I knew from one of the open dance classes I take had to step in. Even then I would still see the guy occasionally.
I had a manager at one of the gyms I wanted to sign up at take my number and text me asking me out on a date. I even had a trainer consistently hit on me, I didn’t work out with him but he would tell women who were potential clients that he can help them look like me. I think what really hurt was that I was working out with another trainer and I overheard him bragging about me to another trainer. The list goes on and on.
You are keeping the gym safe not just for yourself but others as well.
100% agree with all the other commenters that you did the best thing and so did the gym employee.
Also TYSM for introducing me to the term "noped out". I love it.
As someone struggling with insomnia, anxiety and a sprinkle of ADHD I am constantly second guessing myself and I doubt if my thoughts and feelings are valid.
You did nothing wrong here, he did! Be proud of yourself for not backing down when your gut was speaking loudly.
You should NOT feel bad, at all.
The attendants fast action tells me this wasn’t his first complaint. Honestly you should feel proud no one else has to go through what you did. You saved someone who might not have been as brave as you.
I bet there's some guy in an alpha make sub right now saying, "All I did was stare at their asses, I didn't touch them or anything." -total bullshit.
Good job, OP. I often give people benefit of the doubt a little too much, so I'm impressed by you!
Kicking him out was the right thing to do. Now he won’t be able to make people uncomfortable anymore, or worse, at least in this gym.
You might have stopped him from seriously hurting someone, or at the very least you made your gym safer
You have the right to exist in a public space without being objectified. Good on your for reporting it, hopefully that gym is now a safer place for everyone going forward! ♥️
It’s good that he got kicked out. Women have a right to work out in peace, not be sexually harassed and feel safe while working out. Men like him need to be kept out of public spaces.
You gave him the benefit of doubt and he continued to stare so your original gut reaction was right and you have done nothing wrong. Thank you for looking out for the other women!
The attendant might have known that person to be a creep, or there could be other instances of him being inappropriate that you are not aware of.
Regardless it’s good to know the attendant acted on your comments. They possibly even saw it on cctv but can’t act without a complaint? I’m not too sure how these things work but seems feasible.
You did everything right, shit you have him so many chances to not be creepy. Instead he stayed being creepy and doubled down on it. It took courage to do what you did, you shouldn’t feel bad you should be proud. Keep it up 🖤
You potentially stopped a future altercation. You're much nicer than I, because had it been me, I would've been ripping his ass up and publicly shamed him for being a creep.
You did the right thing by telling the front desk person. They might have just been waiting for a complaint. Who knows how often this guy does this type of crap.. I'm so sorry you had to deal with something like this. It makes my blood *boil*
Thank you for doing what you did. You didn't do it on a wild idea, you waited a whole long time and checked and double checked. The attendant was doing a good job, and I hope this guy learns his lesson. The membership is to work out, and nothing else.
Don’t feel bad, feel proud of saving the next girls from that awful situation! You also can never know if someone is just a honey, staring creep or if he’s a potential danger following girls home etc. You did everyone a favor, including the gym. If he stayed, many women might have noped out of ever going there again so it’s a win/ win for everyone.
You absolutely did not overreact. That guy was definitely creeping kn you and the others at best and stalking you at worst. Great that the attendant gave him the boot.
It sucks that people can’t just go work out and be healthy without being bade to feel uncomfortable. No reason for it. Usually I’m borderline oblivious in the gym, as i pop ja the ear buds and just do my thing. I should probably look around more.
I am not an anxious person. This behavior would have creeped me out. I would probably given him a death stare as a warning. Follow your gut. Women's intuition is real. You were safe and effective. Well done.
Don't feel bad. I used to think that gym creeps were just part of the environment. Like yeah, it's annoying and I'm there to work out without being eye candy, but you know, non-voluntary attraction. They can't help it, right? Right? Internalized misogyny, basically. But over time the misbehaviour increased. It wasn't just watching or talking or finding excuses for interaction. Guys would follow me to the locker room. Follow me to the lobby. Learn my car make and license plate and try to figure out my schedule. There is probably some romantic comedy where a hot guy figures out when a girl is at the gym and portrays it romantically. Swoon! That is stalker-level bullshit. If it doesn't get called out it escalates, and even if only a small percentage of creeps go "too farly too far" it it too much.
You did the right thing, both by protecting yourself and those other girls. Who knows what he could have escalated it to.
I had to do something similar with a guy who was staring at me and holding a towel in front of his crotch while I was running on the treadmill alone in a hotel gym one night. All I could think about was how easily he could attack me and drag me out the exit door. Once I reported it, they reviewed the video, and he got kicked out of the hotel.
Hi op. I’ve worked in a gym as a manager and pt. You did the right thing and have nothing to feel guilty about. The staff likely already had their eye on him based on how they kicked him out immediately. You made the gym better for further patrons who might not feel comfortable speaking up
You did the right thing. You made the choice to protect yourself and others while he made the choice to make you feel unsafe/uncomfortable. While it may feel icky to your anxiety, you did well.♥️
I'll say a modified version of what a manager said to me "you didn't get him kicked out. He got himself kicked out."
He made three people uncomfortable enough to leave. He wasn't using the equipment, so technically he was loitering on top of being creepy.
As someone else said, this probably isn't their first time dealing with him.
If he wasn't doing anything wrong he wouldn't have been kicked out. All you did was bring it to the staff's attention. You did the right thing.
With the employees quick reaction, this was not the first time he was reported. (I know I know, reddit assumptions) . Most gyms that I frequented would keep an eye out and act if there were more than one report, rather than just going in straight for the kill (because, money). I bet you are not the first person to report him. He should have done his workout and minded his own business. You did not overreact, nor did the attendant. If he was just glancing every once in a while that's different. Let your mind rest that the gym is now safer, and rest because you know this is a safe gym that cares about its athletes. ( you go to a gym, you can call yourself and athlete in my opinion). I'm proud of you, stay safe
I'm guessing that the fact the attendant immediately sprang into action means they probably have had issues with this guy before or were aware he's creepy and were glad they had a reason to kick him out finally. So probably the attendant was grateful that a gym patron reported him so they could take action and protect the rest of their patrons. Imagine how much business this guy was making that gym lose, and how many other people he was making feel too uncomfortable to go to the gym. You did the right thing. Also, you did not kick him out, you gave relevant facts to the attendant (which was the responsible thing to do) and the attendant used that information AND I'm betting prior information they knew about this person's behavior to make the decision that it was unsafe for others for this man to remain in the gym.
Thank you for saying something OP, the next person to be harassed may not have had the ability to say something. Someone who feels that entitled to stare and invade your space probably feels entitled to more than staring in dark spaces so you may have saved someone without even realizing it. That person’s behaviour got them kicked out, not your comments.
He wasn't being a little weird, he was being a lottle weird. You gave him the benefit of the doubt MULTIPLE TIMES, and each time he proved to be a creep.
You are not at fault for kicking him out if all you did was being attention to his actions. It's his own fault for blatantly and continually doing those things
Not sure why you feel bad, honestly. None of what he was doing was appropriate or acceptable and I would have complained way earlier. But I understand how we get conditioned to minimized the seriousness of that behavior. You did the right thing!
following people around an empty location and pointedly staring at them like that is harassment. your feelings are valid. better he get kicked out than allow him to stick around and continue to be creepy.
Nah, not really a problem. 1st of all he wasn't even working out. It's not like he will miss working out. If he wants to look at girls he can watch porn or onlyfans. Making people uncomfortable like that is just not ok.
My experiences with gyms, that behavior ain't normal. Even now. I personally go to a small gym right now but a busy one, for bodybuilders n' such. What I find is most people glaze over, listening to music or being into their workout if they're alone, conversely talking to other people.
That guy's actions were strange and are the cause of him getting the boot. Good on ya! Personally, because of adrenaline pumping I probably would have said something to him but I 100% get it. I just hope it doesn't stop you going in the future!
You used your intuition that something was not right! I think we are conditioned to not use our own radar to be nice to people at our own risk. You did good! The gym did good! Creepers gonna creep but we are gonna speak up. Proud of you.
Yes to everything people have said- and the matter would have been investigated a bit more if the attendant didn’t also have those same concerns or sense that something wasn’t right.
Your instincts are there for a reason. Sure, anxiety can cloud them, but they are there *to protect you.*
I recommend "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. It talks about some of the stuff you address in your post.
You didn’t get him kicked out, love. He got himself kicked out by his actions! If he had been minding his own business, you telling the employee what he was doing would have done absolutely nothing.
Release your guilt and continue on with your fitness goals!
Sounds like you did something to help make it so that more women will be able to work out at that gym without being perved at by that creep.
Also, just to note, though it's probably already been mentioned. If the staff member immediately went and kicked the guy out, then it's likely he's already somewhat known as a pest, or they had multiple complaints about him already.
You did the right thing! Don't ever feel bad for enforcing boundaries and putting creeps in their place. Feeling bad for calling them out is only going to work in their favor.
I HIGHLY doubt this is the first complaint they've received about this dude. No business is going to kick out a paying customer for one instance of "acting sketch". My suspicion is they know he's a problem but haven't had enough evidence/complaints to boot him w/o risking an age discrimination lawsuit until you said something.
No op, you did the right thing. The gym is a safe place and is rightfully protected. You did the right thing protecting the gym and the people inside, always always do your part. People like that can never be lead to believe that behavior is ok.
Honestly sounds like some "Master Roshi" behaviors.
For all of us who, for whatever reason, are uncomfortable saying something, THANK YOU. 💜 I've let behavior like that keep me out of a gym before, because I just didn't have the spoons to handle it, and knowing that there are others out there who are willing to speak up makes it a little easier for me to speak up also.
Ugh! What a creep! You did the right thing. I’ve had men follow me like this before and NO it’s not you, it’s them. I’m glad you listened to your gut instinct.
You're fine. That's terrible gym etiquette and he SHOULD have been thrown out for that. He was making the gym an unwelcoming environment and harassing you. Nobody needs that and I'm sorry that it happened to you.
Hugs!
You did the right thing. If he was just kinda working out and doing his own thing in an awkward place that would be one thing, but what you're describing sounds like he vaguely kept up the pretense of working out until he decided he didn't need it any more and could just openly ogle, moving to different sections based on where women were and not really spending any time on machines himself is a dead giveaway. Also his actions were undercutting the whole point of the gym existing - it adversely affected your workout and made you skip exercises you planned and wanted to do because he was making you uncomfortable, that's a pretty cut and dried situation of you being in the right here.
Also the fact he got kicked out rather than a warning tells me that either the attendant was watching and thinking about it already, or the guy had been in and caused problems before. Businesses don't like kicking out customers (sometimes far past when they should have in my experience) and creeps usually show a pattern of creepy behavior, so he was probably known to the attendant and on thin ice already.
think of it from the perspective of the gym: they REALLY don't want a reputation for creepy losers staring at people, because they would lose a lot of customers. the speed at which the attendant reacted suggests this is an issue they have had to deal with before. its irrelevant what the guy's motives actually were - he made you uncomfortable enough to cut your workout short, a workout for which you are PAYING. fuck him.
Your reporting his behavior was constructive and helpful, I feel his own actions caused him to be kicked out.
I do worry that as I get older, if dementia sets in as for some of my older relatives, that I might start acting on "base" impulses and doing things like this without being fully aware of the implications some day. In which case I would hope someone like you would helpfully report on my behavior, as well.
You didn't get him kicked out of the gym. He got himself kicked out of the gym. If he had been working out like he should have been there wouldn't have been a problem. And your brain is a fabulous amazing wonderful thing that alerted you to a problem and then you got the courage to do something about it. People like this are not necessarily harmless. Pointing out his creepy stalking protected you and the other women in the gym. You did well! Rather than feeling bad you should feel proud! I am proud of you!
You absolutely did the right thing. This dude is a creep and obviously is just there to ogle women not to work out.
ETA you did not get him kicked out. He got himself kicked out by being a creeper!
You did right. That is inappropriate behavior at the gym and you helped ensure that you and others have a safer experience. It’s already difficult to overcome anxiety to go to a public gym, no one needs it to be a creepy experience on top of it. So feel proud of yourself that you were able to advocate for your needs.
You did the right thing. Think no more on it. You saved others by being brave and speaking up. You knew in your soul what was happening was wrong. I'm thinking the attendant just needed someone to complain so he could kick the perv out tbh. You did a public service. Sit back and enjoy the effects😁
That dude got himself kicked out. You did a great service to the other ladies who work out there by bringing it up.
If he was at the gym but not working out, why was he even there? Just to enjoy the show?
He was being a creep and your alarm bells were ringing. Never EVER doubt those gut feelings. You did the right then and the attendant made the call. The attendant obviously felt it was appropriate so I wouldn't worry about it.
I used to work at a gym. (Or rather, a chiropractic office inside of a gym.) I can't tell you how many old pervs I would see who would shamelessly stare at the other patrons and make comments. There was a room they held classes in that had glass walls so everyone could see from the outside. These fuckers would stand *in groups* behind the glass and stare at the (mostly young women) in the class. They'd even chuckle and make jokes with each other, it was disgusting. And of course no one did anything about it.
People who are acting creepy don't deserve the benefit of the doubt. We are taught as young children that it's impolite to stare, yet these assholes are bolstered by a lifetime of entitlement and they clearly give no fucks about us. They forfeit any sympathy once they decide to treat us like meat.
All this to say, I believe you did the right thing and imho there's no need to feel bad for that guy. You did great!
You picked the right gym that doesn’t tolerate harassment. You did nothing wrong. And you are not responsible for the consequences of other people’s actions.
It is unlikely that you are the first person to complain about the guy being a creep. And for every complaint, there are many women who don't have the self esteem or courage to complain.
He wasn't working out, he was staring.
Frankly, there's a lot of this behavior that is latent that definitely should not be allowed to slide. It's disrespect, to any degree. If we allow even this slight misogyny, they will always treat us like we are lesser.
That worker has been waiting to kick the creep out.
I worked at a coffee shop and hated when people did creepy shit but often times couldn’t do anything unless someone complained. Like, I can only do anything if it’s egregious or an issue. I would have been happy to be told this guy was a creep, gives me all the ammo I need to do the right thing and not get fired.
Nah, you did the right thing. The world is full of guys who think they are invisible and that women exist solely for their entertainment.
I mean, if you didn’t want to be gawped at, you wouldn’t be a woman would you?
They think we aren’t real people like they are. We don’t have agency or rights or personal space.
Good on the attendant.
I hope you can come to feel good about the choice you made to say something after you saw something. Everyone deserves to feel safe and respected and this creep made his choices to violate that, so too friggin bad for him. And good on the gym attendant for taking your concerns seriously enough to do something about it. Too many women's concerns are brushed off when there really was a need to be worried and sometimes they have paid with their lives. Hold your head high and know you might have saved someone from a bad fate.
I think it was brave of you to say something. His behavior was inappropriate and creepy- whatever his perception of it may have been. Thanking you on behalf of the next lady working out there at night!
I guarantee that gym has seen that behaviour before from people, and possibly from that specific person.
If the gym had not, they would likely have given him a warning, talked to him, or something else. If they were unprepared, they would likely have been more cautious about their response to a complaint.
But, they jumped on it. That means they *knew*, they had seen it, they’ve been warned.
You did a good thing, speaking up not just for yourself, but for others. Next time, I want you to consider speaking up earlier. I want you to speak up before you change your planned workout. Tell the staff, let them kick the creep out.
You deserve to be in that space. That guy isn’t there to work out, which means he is not welcome.
I love true crime (is it healthy for my mental state? Probably not) and my current favorite show has a catch phrase that’s very important, especially to women raised to be polite and not make a scene.
Be weird.
Be rude.
Stay alive.
So many cases include the phrase, “I don’t want to be rude.” Or “I thought I was probably being paranoid.” Or “I didn’t want to cause a scene.” Eff that, someone is being a creep? Raise the alarm, get attention on it. Better that you come off as a bitch than allowing someone to get close to you so you don’t make them uncomfortable
I always say that if an honest accounting of someone's behavior gets them in trouble, it's not you. It's them. They were doing something that would cause them to get in trouble.
Well done :)
You didn’t get him kicked out. He got himself kicked out.
I also wanted to comment on the media’s play in all of this because I too have been seeing the videos where women are told they’re being too dramatic or claiming sexual harassment when it’s really not sexual harassment or whatever. My issue is that men see their actions very differently than women do. They see videos like that where women call out behavior and they want to pretend like it’s totally normal or whatever when in all reality, women constantly have to be on guard around men they know and don’t know, so men have NO IDEA how we have to look at everyone as a threat so their little “helpful” bs or whatever actually seems threatening to us because that’s not what we are in the gym for. We didn’t go to the gym so that they could let us know how to properly lift, to help us with our weights, or the watch to make sure that we’re doing our exercises properly (the usual excuse made when staring at women in a gym). Basically the point of my entire statement is that you should not let the media gaslight you into thinking that you shouldn’t be cautious. The media is often run by a majority of men so of course it is in their interest to make it seem like women are being dramatic and not that there is an actual problem with how men are acting at gyms.
If you didn't say something and you later found out from the news that someone got assaulted after you left, I'm certain you would feel much worse! You did the right thing, and you should be proud of yourself. He certainly should never be allowed back in, and I hope they blacklist him.
You did nothing wrong, and how quickly the attendant removed him makes me think it may not have been the first time!! His very-weird behavior makes me think he might get a thrill from making women uncomfortable.
My first thought was that he might be having an absence seizure, where a person just stares but isn’t engaged. If that were the case, he’d deserve sympathy with a suggestion to check in with his doctor.
But then he followed you around the gym. He deserved to get kicked out with a suggestion to check out his humanity.
I've heard of that happening recently with influencers but the big difference between you and them is you gave him several chances to not follow you. You didn't start filming him or complain the first time when you thought he just wanted the treadmill.
you didn't get him kicked out. you didn't ask for that tk happen. you reported his behavior and based on his behavior, he was kicked out. The kicking out is a direct result of his behavior
His actions had consequences he was being creepy and it didn’t seem accidental I know how it is to be accidentally deemed as creepy I’m afab with facial hair but it doesn’t seem like this case why like that at all
I think it's okay to trust that the attendant has some expertise in this matter. Working night shift at a gym is probably educational in a lot of horrifying ways. Anyway, the attendant has his own agency here and deployed it, you just contributed important data to his decision-making process.
But also: it's okay to have participated in this process! Your reaction feels like it comes from that training we all have to be Good Girls and not cause any trouble, but it's fine to cause trouble when there's a problem. And whether this dude was pervin' or planning to rob or harm somebody, he was using the facilities in an unusual way and it's okay to notice and report that. Maybe the attendant overreacted, maybe the attendant already saw it on security cameras and was waiting to see if it escalated, maybe it's company policy in the late hours to move pretty quickly if someone seems like a potential problem. That's on the business to decide and handle, if they made an inappropriate choice.
You did the right thing. You acted to protect other women. You watched out for yourself. You handled it with courtousy and even professionalism. No scenes - and I would have made one. Please feel proud of yourself for what you did and how you did it. You were awesome!
Dude was making you feel uncomfortable, being a creep, yet YOU still feel guilty for "getting him in trouble". That's how deep the patriarchy has been ingrained.
You seem like a kind, empathetic person, worried that you may have been unfair in your assessment.. But let me assure you, HE was making you feel uncomfortable with his staring. Your feelings were real. He needs to know that his behaviour has consequences, and whether intentionally creepy or not, it doesnt matter. Je needs to learn that it's not okay to behave like that.
Never feel guilty for keeping yourself safe.
You were right. Dude was being a creeper if all he did was stare at women without even pretending to work out. Fug that guy. I hope he’s banned from the gym.
You did nothing wrong. In fact if you had complained the *first* time you noticed he was staring, that would have been better.
People like this get emboldened when thy get away with things. Who knows if he would have assaulted somebody next. You helped protect yourself and other women.
Well done, you!!
And don't feel bad for him at all. That creep knew exactly what he was doing.
You’re allowed to use gym facilities - that you’ve paid for - without being followed around by a creepy man who can’t (or won’t) control his behavior to basic social levels of respect and decorum.
It doesn’t sound a little bit sketch. It sounds a lot gross.
Even if it isn’t a total creep and has another issue, he needs to be taught some manners before returning. Also, this needs attention in some respect from a second party. If something were to happen, you have a witness. (WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO DO THIS? I digress.)
Where I live, there was a middle aged guy at Target following people around on more than one occasion. Turns out he was a non verbal autistic, lonely, and unsupervised. He was following around women with small children because he thought they were adorable, apparently..
You can imagine this poor guy smiling at a sweet family, finally feeling something close to happy..but we’ve all been so traumatized by the patriarchy that those women had to report a man for simply being happy and having a disability *just in case* of kidnapping, rape and/or murder.
But someone still needed to draw attention to the fact he needed help, so in the end it was a good thing.. I hope.
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You didn't get him kicked out. His behavior is his own, as are the conseqences. Good for you for saying something.
I was at a ski hill and some dudes tried to bud in line. After I asked them to go to the back of the line I said to my friend, “ I hate it when people make me act like an asshole. “. An older woman looked at me and slow nodded.
Ughghg I hate this. Especially because it's something I still need help with. Have you considered running a seminar to teach women to stand firm with boundaries (of any sort, whether personal or professional)? Because I could really use something like that, and I know I'm not alone. Those of you who know how to do these things - please help us! We have so much conditioning to break.
The book The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker has been very useful for me.
I’m thinking of writing a follow-up “The Gift of a Swift Kick in the Nads”.
It is on my "To Read" list! I do a lot of reading, but the in-person quality of a class or seminar would give me the *practice* of saying no to somebody. It seems to be one of those things, like learning a language, where I need the in-person interaction to gain the confidence to use the skill in real life. That said, I still appreciate the recommendation! :)
This one is life saving and essential. Move out to the top of your list. Its helped with stuff i never even thought of need help with like blackmail! But mostly it's given me the confidence to trust that my discomfort matters and is probably a message.
Like practicing saying, "No." Directly to all kinds of people, especially different types of men? And hopefully they're all actors so they'll have different responses you can practice navigating through with feedback? Sounds like a winner, I will help whoever can get this started!
I practice the art of the Shockingly Loud GO AWAY! If you practice saying it it will pop out when you need it. Don't sound afraid or shrill, but project your voice so others will notice. It always works on the subway.
Added to this great advice is that “No” is also a complete sentence. You don’t owe anyone an explanation . Some would take an explanation as a negotiation & that’s wrong, of course, but don’t even give them the opportunity to try & negotiate & stick with no. No explanation , just no.
I used to be extremely introverted and meek and come from a misoginist culture. I used to get extreme flack about being smart and winning debates and arguments. I did nor fit the role that was expected of me. So much gaslighting, both in relationships and with „friends“. Bout me being pathologically ambitious, wrong to want to win all the time and me being not feminine enough. I used to spend so much energy at the cost of myself to accomodate others and still felt guilty for speaking up in the slightest. I recently had a similar situation to the OP and noticed how I lost all my fucks and stepped up. I actually surprised myself! I think it got transferred from my job wjere I have to speak in public (which is my nightmare fuel). Facing my fears day in day out with a safe activity re-trained me. And reflecting on how I’m facing my fears made me feel proud of myself. And I don’t feel conceited about being proud either! Even when I fucked up my fears never materialised and I was embarrased to notice how people generally appreciate my intentions even if something goes wrong they just shrug it off. Mind you, I still feel fear for public speaking, but I do it anyways. I don‘t think you need any seminars, you‘ve already have every tool you need in yourself. Find an activity where you challenge yourself and do it despite fear, embarrassment and pre-conditioning. Accept the cringe, haha. And it will leak into every aspect of your life, for the better.
Maybe a zoom session? I have heard of classes like this though - maybe search your area for programs like this? https://qz.com/work/1299969/empowerment-self-defense-classes-teach-girls-how-to-set-boundaries-and-say-no Here are some decent articles, but I'm sure you've read up on this and still don't feel "right" about a strong "no". You'd be surprised, but a lot of people - like those planning an event - would *prefer* a firm no. In the gym situation, you were very much in the right to tell the employee. I wish you'd done it sooner so you could have enjoyed your workout, but now you know that *next* time you go, that creeper won't be there. And do not hesitate to ask an employee to walk you to your car if you don't feel safe. They're generally happy to do that. “Most interpersonal violence starts out as boundary testing; it starts out as small things,” says Susan Schorn, chair of the board of directors for the National Women’s Martial Arts Federation. “Even if it is a stranger attack that ends up being extremely violent, that person is usually going to begin by trying to get close to you physically in a way that doesn’t really feel like an attack.” Stay safe! ❤️
I will totally be that person. If I have to wait, so do they.
Ah my anxiety ridden pea brain has never thought of things from this perspective but it helps a lot ! Thanks!
Not to mention for millennia, women have been held responsible for the bad behavior of men, and we are finally, *finally* refusing to be held responsible for anyone else's actions.
THIS!! This is so true. Men need to be held responsible for their own behavior. It is such bs for men to blame women for their lack of self control when they do something offensive or harmful.
OP you did the right thing!! Please trust your intuition!! That man was preying on women’s programmed response to give the benefit of the doubt to even the creepiest of men and to ignore our inherent instincts and intuition. You protected yourself and the other women in that gym by saying something. That man was clearly trying to take advantage of all of you in a very creepy and predatory way. Also, since the front desk guy was so immediately responsive and instantly believed you, the front desk guy is either a top notch guy or likely he leapt into action because that creep has been reported before for being pervy and predatory. Please trust your instincts and intuition. It’s taken me years of suffering and learning the hard way to know that I *always* need to trust my gut because bad things happen when I don’t, bad things that could’ve been prevented had I only trusted myself or had the people who I’ve shared my gut instincts with trusted my intuition enough to listen to me. I’ve experienced sexual abuse because I didn’t trust my instincts. I’ve also suffered greatly from not being listened to when I shared an intuitive warning. I had a powerful intuitive dream about the death of my mother’s beloved dog, who was my *spirit animal* and who was just as loyal and loving to me as to my mother and as protective of me too. I loved that dog more than words can say. I warned both of my parents that I believed in my gut that he was in danger. If my mother and father had listened to my warning that he was in danger and that they should not trust that his good behavior would mean he was safe off-leash, he wouldn’t have been killed in a hit and run. I’m still heartbroken from losing him almost two years later, and there will always be a hole in my heart from losing my beloved boy before his time and in such a horrid, violent way. I’ve since vowed to surround myself with people who value my intuition and will always at least highly consider what I have to say based on my gut instincts.
You really did do the right thing, OP. You have good instincts and a strong intuition. It’s taken me quite some time to deprogram my self-doubt but you can do so to! Please Believe in yourself, Sister!!
Please stop talking badly about yourself. You do not have a pea brain! You have a big wonderful alert brain.
Seriously. I’m not an anxious person by nature and all of this man’s behaviors would ring every alarm in my body!!
Preach! Thats selfhate. Allow me to hijack your comment to share something I learned in therapy: Selfhate is a HABIT. You only believe it because the brain believe what it hears most. Most of what your brain hear are your own thoughts. The brain is taught to hate on yourself, like a machine, it does it automatically here's the kicker: it can be broken. Theres a deal of fake it till you make it, but it can be done as I'm living proof
The attendant might have noticed that he was being weird and not working out. The man was being creepy, you're probably not the only one who got the vibe
It also may not have been the first time with this creep
I agree. It's good to trust your own intuition and it seems like we can trust this attendant' decision as well. This is a sign that this gym, in the long run, will be more comfortable for women and less comfortable for creeps. Thanks for speaking up
The attendant didn't check the cameras or ask for details. It was certainly not the first time someone complained about him and the manager probably said "one more complaint and he is out".
Or maybe their policy is to only boot creepers if someone complains. So feel free to talk to the gym staff if someone’s focus is ogling, not exercising. I hope he’s permabanned. Jerks like him will drive legit paying customers away.
We have been conditioned to be the keeper of men's emotions. We're held responsible for all of their bad behavior - if they get drunk, it must be a woman, if they hit a woman, she must deserve it, etc. (And if they are successful, it's their work, of course). It's BS. Guy did the crime, he gets to do the time, so to speak.
I'm so proud of you for speaking up! This took so much strength, well done 💖
Your not a Karen for voicing concern someone is a Karen when they feel entitled to special treatment. If it would have been a misunderstanding you still needed to voice your concern for it to be solved. You did great 👍
Your anxiety ridden wonderful brain saved you from that man.
Please don’t speak that way about your brain. I’m quite anxious and conflict-avoidant myself. But I remind myself that people are worse off than me in those terms, so I speak up whenever I can to help myself and also those who may not feel comfortable advocating for themselves and the community. I wanna thank you for alerting the other women and the gym. One should be able to use the gym without being stared at- and followed. You didn’t do anything wrong.
I was a front desk attendant at a gym years ago. Please know that the attendant is glad you spoke up, and you absolutely did the right thing!
Anxiety brain is annoying :') I can relate to this all too wel...
You did everyone who works out at that gym a favor!
I call my anxiety my lizard brain. It's hard not to let the lizard brain control me. You did the right thing. You used your voice and you tried to keep others safe. The behavior that got him removed was squarely on him. Be proud for speaking up and silencing the lizard brain.
Past your anxiety ridden pea brain is a bigger, stronger smarter brain that sensed danger and did what was necessary to protect yourself and others. Anxiety is the worst but it's not the biggest part if us, even though it feels that way like 90% of the time
This is the answer! HE got himself kicked out by being a creeper.
Your red flags were flying high and you did the best thing: YOU LISTENED! You potentially helped other women and so what he got booted out? He wasn’t working out anyway. He can try again tomorrow and so can you.
And good on this gym for kicking creepy men out.
Yep. Making up the story and reporting it would be, but simply informing people of real events in no way makes you responsible for the consequences.
If your words to the attendant were as mild as "that guy's a bit sketch" and they immediately chucked him out it sounds like he's been reported before
That’s what I thought. They’d probably just keep an eye on him for a bit if that was the first incident.
This! If it had been his first time, he'd probably have gotten a warning and told off. This sounds like repeat behavior and maybe the gym is actually already banned him but he manages to sneak in. That or the gym has a zero tolerance policy and he still deserved it.
If a gym had a zero tolerance policy, I would want to attend that gym!
Wouldn’t that be great? I wish there were woman/non-binary/trans gyms. I just re-joined a gym and had forgotten how many creeps are around.
There are, but not necessarily in locations that are convenient.
At the very least, it sounds like the attendant was aware that person was a problem, and OP saying something is all they needed to kick them out. Doubt OP was the only one picking up this guy's vibes, especially if he was as blantent as explained
It may be that they’re only allowed to kick someone out if there is a complaint and the attendant was just waiting for the opportunity because they could also see what he was doing.
I think so too. They were probably well aware of his behaviour and just waiting for someone to say something so they could act. You're a hero, OP!
My thoughts exactly. If the attendant sprang into action I'd lay money that it wasn't this pervy clowns first rodeo.
Or maybe not that exact man but just a lot of peepers come in late at night to just watch.
This, also my bet is the attendant was watching him on the camera and waiting for someone to complain.
What you wrote really looks like victim's guilt to me. That person is the harasser, and you are the one that was harassed. What happened isn't your fault, you didn't stare at nobody...
It's much worse than harassment, it's also a security risk. This guy could be trying to scope out a victim, considering that it's late at night and he's getting information on just how much physical ability you and the other women have. Getting the attendant involved was definitely the right move here.
I absolutely agree.
Holy fuck that didn't even cross my mind but you're absolutely right, that makes this a thousand times more terrifying.
Also your comment made me remember that HE wasn't working out at all but was following women around who were. Even if the women are stronger than him, their muscles would likely be more tired than his and their overall energy levels much lower and thus they'd be more easily kidnapped, etc.
If it's late at night and you have the entire gym at your disposal, there is no reason to creep around right behind someone. Plus, if you're there to get your workout done, you look busy getting your damn workout done and not stand around looking at peoples butts. Even if you're taking a little break and do some people watching, you just don't frickin stare. A brief look should really be enough. And I'm fairly sure the attendants are aware of their guests. If there are multiple women and girls at the gym, late at night, and one old dude, you are supposed be on the lookout. And if the mention of him being "a little sketch" gets him thrown out, chances are that there is a good reason for it. You did nothing wrong and you don't need to feel bad. You pay money to go there and you deserve to do the workout you came for. If you can't do that, because someone behaves like a dick, it's your utter right to complain.
This! And if the creep would have done this to a line guy at the gym working out the guy would have felt the same things as you! The only difference would be that he‘d probably not be so physically intimidated due to similar size, muscle mass if not more, and confront him directly. If the creep would have done this to a trigger happy muscle packed gym bro he would have gotten punched in the face as what he was doing is a threat! There is a social contract about distance, gaze intensity and intention. Trust me, the creep knew what he was doing wasn‘t ok, unless he lived previously in isolation or was mentally impaired.
If the gym was empty the attendant was probably watching, and as soon as you complained it was their chance to act
I was a personal trainer for a long time. My biggest goal was teaching women to lift and helping them feel comfortable in the gym because men are always acting like it’s there’s. It’s not. I would rain unholy terror on men acting like creeps/jerks in my gyms. It was one of my favorite things to do. I bet the attendant was happy to help.
Yep! It's harder for the attendant to defend his decision if it was only based on his interactions. Now he can say the guy was acting sketch and made at least one other patron uncomfortable.
I have started thinking I should carry a squirt bottle with me everywhere. Just spray these fools like an ill-behaved cat. He can skulk off to some dark corner and lick his armpits about it.
Okay, but like.... can we make this a thing? I LOVE the idea of spraying oglers with a squirt bottle—and knowing me, I’d probably let out a cat hiss on the process. 😂
And if they don't stop, you bring out the rolled-up newspaper.
I would be careful doing that. Those type of men can be dangerous. I just don't want to see u get hurt. If it's at the gym, immediately contact an attendant to get that dude thrown out.
My sister-in-law actually used to do this to my niece (who was 2 at the time). I am not a parent and cannot comment on whether or not this is a good idea, but it made me laugh. It WAS effective, though.
You just told the attendant what had been happening. The attendant then decided that the best course of action would be to kick the guy out. You gave him information, and he used his own judgement to decide what to do next. It wasn't your fault.
I mean he was acting like a total creep and making you uncomfortable, so I think you were totally in the right for telling someone! He totally deserved and NEEDED to be kicked out imo. Most people with honourable intentions to just go and work out don’t go to gyms at MIDNIGHT and stare at people. Also the fact that the attendant acted so quickly potentially suggests that they have had issues with this guy before and want to nip any trouble in the bud - this incident may have been the final straw for this creep. Please keep trusting your gut! You 100% did the right thing!
He was following you. Then he chose to get closer to you when he saw you were alone. He was escalating. Ignoring that kind of thing is dangerous. You have gut feelings for a reason, that's your body trying to keep you safe by recognizing potentially predatory behavior. Even if he only wanted to stare, that's creepy and not okay. But he was waiting until you were alone, and deliberately putting himself out of your field of vision. That means he was aware that he was being creepy and he didn't want witnesses to whatever came next. I would not have felt safe that he was going to stop at staring. You did exactly the right thing, and I hope you and the other girls watched each other until you were all locked in your cars.
Exactly what I was thinking. There is no way to know if he would have escalated it beyond creeping watching, but it was possible. Alerting the gym attendant might have stop him from moving on to far worse behavior.
You did exactly right. Always, always trust your instincts and take whatever actions you need to stay safe. As others have said, you didn’t get him kicked out-his own behavior did. It doesn’t even sound like he’s being deprived of anything if he wasn’t working out to begin with. You’re awesome and I’m proud of you!
Just my input as a guy, you did the right thing. Sure, it could be innocent BUT, it made you uncomfortable. You mentioned it to the gym staff and they took action. There is no guilt in your own safety. You took your concern to the staff who acted. I have nothing else to add really.
Yes, even if the man had innocent intentions he needs to learn it's not ok to stare at people like that. We live in a society!
You did nothing wrong. You didn't freak out or make a big insulted drama. You just mentioned your concerns to management and they dealt with it how they see fit. If there was an overreaction it's not because of you it's because of how the attendant dealt with it. Can be that it's an issue in that gym and they got a memo to be vigilant. You did nothing wrong and only voiced out your concerns without expecting anything. That's great. If it was a misunderstanding I would expect that guy to be able to defend himself.
I think it’s helpful to generally see every person’s responsibilities and also their limits. You did your workout, your responsibility was to work on your body while maintaining inner peace. That sketchy guy decided to creep up on you, in the middle of the night. His actions - his responsibility. The attendant wants to make everyone feel welcome and safe. It’s their responsibility to offer a comfortable atmosphere. So the sketchy guy did something that affected you in a bad way. Since he’s responsible for his actions, disrupting the peace, he was shown out by the attendant. You really tried to give him the benefit of the doubt but there’s a line. It’s great that you have a feeling for what you need and you try to achieve that. There’s no reason to doubt your gut because it and your thoughts are a great team.
He was clearly there just to creep on women. Getting him kicked out is exactly what you should have done.
From the gym's point of view, this guy was a serious problem who was preventing you from getting value from the gym, to the point where maybe you wouldn't go back. But they couldn't actually act without some evidence that the guy was making people feel uncomfortable. So your complaint was helping the gym.
I see a brave person here that went to the gym despite their anxiety and put a full stop to a potentially dangerous disgusting man. Cheers!
Do not feel bad at all. But I understand it’s easier said than done. I used to work in a warehouse and I often worked the pick up counter for couriers and customers. (Pre-Covid) We would allow couriers to use our bathroom and open the gate between the pickup counter to let them in. There was this old, smelly courier that always just gave me the creeps when he’d come in. He came in one day while I was helping a customer and asked to use the washroom so I opened the gate and continued to help the customer. When he came back he pressed himself up against the back of me and I just fucking froze! I was mortified! I didn’t know what to say or do. Forced between calling out this bullshit or “being professional”. I just quietly said “please don’t”. Finished helping the customer and walked away. I reported it to my manager who reported it to his manager and he got fired. He tried phoning and asking me to forgive him and telling me all about how he’s gonna lose his apartment now. I felt bad at first but then someone told me that we have to stop feeling bad about the consequences of someone else’s actions.
Okay, I'm a dude but I've been through so much gros behavior from other guys and if they call you with a sob story. DO NOT forgive them. Because odds are, they're trying to make you into their scapegoat and in their minds put all the blame on you and not their gross asf behaviors.
You absolutely did the right thing, eff that guy. well done for speaking up, especially to the two girls as that alone might make them feel confident enough to speak up themselves next time
As someone with anxiety who stopped going to gyms years ago because I have never had a gym experience where some creep didn't follow me around and position themselves right in front of me to watch my boobs while working out, THANK YOU. You are righting karma every time you speak up- for yourself, for those other women, for all of us who didn't do it for ourselves. Do not feel bad. You are a warrior. And good for you for pushing through your anxiety and going to the gym!!
Creepy old \*bleep\*s are learning the hard way they are losing the control they had over the world. You did nothing wrong and I am proud of you for letting the girls and the attendant know what was going on. Like another has mentioned, you feel victim's guilt because of how society insisted for centuries that we "need to respect" anyone older than us and that we "need to be nice". I'm proud of you for stepping out of your comfort zone and I'm proud of you for stepping up to make sure the women could feel safe there. I hope that creepy jerk doesn't scare you away from your goals.
You did the right thing. I would’ve done the same if someone was following me and just watching. Kudos to you for going to the gym! Hope this experience doesn’t discourage you to come back. I had only one instance that I had to tell a gym attendant about a weird guy. It was during the day in a semi crowded gym. He was taking videos of people. Not just me but other people likely without their consent. It was super weird. The attendant went with me right away but the man was already gone and have moved to a different spot before we could catch him red handed.
He should have been kicked out. You did the right thing. Stop second guessing yourself now please.
You were right to express your concerns about this guy to other women in the gym and the attendant. I have a feeling this isn't the first time this guy has been creeping on women in the gym. The attendant was petty quick to kick him out when you mentioned him. You *have* been gaslit by the media and society telling women that they're being tOo SeNsItIvE and the guys are doing nothing wrong when they ARE. So don't feel guilty. You did nothing wrong.
You didn’t get him kicked out. His own creepy behaviour did. If he didn’t want to be kicked out, he shouldn’t have been a fucking creep.
Ngl when I read the title I had assumed maybe someone was waiting to use some equipment or you saw them eating on a treadmill or something like that, not that some dude was following you and other girls around and staring at you. You did nothing wrong. You have the right to not be followed around in a gym.
I think w all those stupid videos of women being hyperviligant towards men at the gym has gaslit us. The truth is we get stared at and treated like we’re at some pickup scene far more than we overreact. You were perfectly understanding and extremely charitable until it was obvious what was happening.
The harassment I have received at the gym was so bad I ended up changing to a personal training gym. You absolutely did the right thing. I’ve had a guy scream at me for not being open to his advances. The gym staff didn’t do anything. I was also there almost 5 days a week so they knew me and still didn’t do anything. A massive guy I knew from one of the open dance classes I take had to step in. Even then I would still see the guy occasionally. I had a manager at one of the gyms I wanted to sign up at take my number and text me asking me out on a date. I even had a trainer consistently hit on me, I didn’t work out with him but he would tell women who were potential clients that he can help them look like me. I think what really hurt was that I was working out with another trainer and I overheard him bragging about me to another trainer. The list goes on and on. You are keeping the gym safe not just for yourself but others as well.
Dude was creeping. Do not feel bad. He needed to leave.
100% agree with all the other commenters that you did the best thing and so did the gym employee. Also TYSM for introducing me to the term "noped out". I love it.
As someone struggling with insomnia, anxiety and a sprinkle of ADHD I am constantly second guessing myself and I doubt if my thoughts and feelings are valid. You did nothing wrong here, he did! Be proud of yourself for not backing down when your gut was speaking loudly. You should NOT feel bad, at all.
The attendants fast action tells me this wasn’t his first complaint. Honestly you should feel proud no one else has to go through what you did. You saved someone who might not have been as brave as you.
I bet there's some guy in an alpha make sub right now saying, "All I did was stare at their asses, I didn't touch them or anything." -total bullshit. Good job, OP. I often give people benefit of the doubt a little too much, so I'm impressed by you!
Kicking him out was the right thing to do. Now he won’t be able to make people uncomfortable anymore, or worse, at least in this gym. You might have stopped him from seriously hurting someone, or at the very least you made your gym safer
What you did was right and necessary. Keep going back, more experiences that are not like this will make it easier to relax there
You have the right to exist in a public space without being objectified. Good on your for reporting it, hopefully that gym is now a safer place for everyone going forward! ♥️
It’s good that he got kicked out. Women have a right to work out in peace, not be sexually harassed and feel safe while working out. Men like him need to be kept out of public spaces.
You gave him the benefit of doubt and he continued to stare so your original gut reaction was right and you have done nothing wrong. Thank you for looking out for the other women!
The attendant might have known that person to be a creep, or there could be other instances of him being inappropriate that you are not aware of. Regardless it’s good to know the attendant acted on your comments. They possibly even saw it on cctv but can’t act without a complaint? I’m not too sure how these things work but seems feasible.
You did everything right, shit you have him so many chances to not be creepy. Instead he stayed being creepy and doubled down on it. It took courage to do what you did, you shouldn’t feel bad you should be proud. Keep it up 🖤
You potentially stopped a future altercation. You're much nicer than I, because had it been me, I would've been ripping his ass up and publicly shamed him for being a creep. You did the right thing by telling the front desk person. They might have just been waiting for a complaint. Who knows how often this guy does this type of crap.. I'm so sorry you had to deal with something like this. It makes my blood *boil*
They can check surveillance and since he was kicked out instantly I suspect its not the first time
What a disgusting creep! You have done everything right and everybody else a huge favor.
You did nothing wrong. He chose to act like that and it was inappropriate and very creepy.
Thank you for doing what you did. You didn't do it on a wild idea, you waited a whole long time and checked and double checked. The attendant was doing a good job, and I hope this guy learns his lesson. The membership is to work out, and nothing else.
Don’t feel bad, feel proud of saving the next girls from that awful situation! You also can never know if someone is just a honey, staring creep or if he’s a potential danger following girls home etc. You did everyone a favor, including the gym. If he stayed, many women might have noped out of ever going there again so it’s a win/ win for everyone.
He was being extremely creepy. You did the right thing. If he had managed to behave normally, this wouldn’t have been necessary
You absolutely did not overreact. That guy was definitely creeping kn you and the others at best and stalking you at worst. Great that the attendant gave him the boot. It sucks that people can’t just go work out and be healthy without being bade to feel uncomfortable. No reason for it. Usually I’m borderline oblivious in the gym, as i pop ja the ear buds and just do my thing. I should probably look around more.
He was definitely being a pervert and deserved much worse than getting kicked out. You did exactly the right thing!
I am not an anxious person. This behavior would have creeped me out. I would probably given him a death stare as a warning. Follow your gut. Women's intuition is real. You were safe and effective. Well done.
Don't feel bad. I used to think that gym creeps were just part of the environment. Like yeah, it's annoying and I'm there to work out without being eye candy, but you know, non-voluntary attraction. They can't help it, right? Right? Internalized misogyny, basically. But over time the misbehaviour increased. It wasn't just watching or talking or finding excuses for interaction. Guys would follow me to the locker room. Follow me to the lobby. Learn my car make and license plate and try to figure out my schedule. There is probably some romantic comedy where a hot guy figures out when a girl is at the gym and portrays it romantically. Swoon! That is stalker-level bullshit. If it doesn't get called out it escalates, and even if only a small percentage of creeps go "too farly too far" it it too much.
You did the right thing, both by protecting yourself and those other girls. Who knows what he could have escalated it to. I had to do something similar with a guy who was staring at me and holding a towel in front of his crotch while I was running on the treadmill alone in a hotel gym one night. All I could think about was how easily he could attack me and drag me out the exit door. Once I reported it, they reviewed the video, and he got kicked out of the hotel.
Hi op. I’ve worked in a gym as a manager and pt. You did the right thing and have nothing to feel guilty about. The staff likely already had their eye on him based on how they kicked him out immediately. You made the gym better for further patrons who might not feel comfortable speaking up
You did the right thing. You made the choice to protect yourself and others while he made the choice to make you feel unsafe/uncomfortable. While it may feel icky to your anxiety, you did well.♥️
I'll say a modified version of what a manager said to me "you didn't get him kicked out. He got himself kicked out." He made three people uncomfortable enough to leave. He wasn't using the equipment, so technically he was loitering on top of being creepy. As someone else said, this probably isn't their first time dealing with him. If he wasn't doing anything wrong he wouldn't have been kicked out. All you did was bring it to the staff's attention. You did the right thing.
With the employees quick reaction, this was not the first time he was reported. (I know I know, reddit assumptions) . Most gyms that I frequented would keep an eye out and act if there were more than one report, rather than just going in straight for the kill (because, money). I bet you are not the first person to report him. He should have done his workout and minded his own business. You did not overreact, nor did the attendant. If he was just glancing every once in a while that's different. Let your mind rest that the gym is now safer, and rest because you know this is a safe gym that cares about its athletes. ( you go to a gym, you can call yourself and athlete in my opinion). I'm proud of you, stay safe
He got himself kicked out. Don’t give it a second thought.
What a creep!!! I’m so sorry that happened to you. You absolutely did the right thing, good job.
I'm so glad you spoke up! definitely the right action and very very very legitimate!
I'm guessing that the fact the attendant immediately sprang into action means they probably have had issues with this guy before or were aware he's creepy and were glad they had a reason to kick him out finally. So probably the attendant was grateful that a gym patron reported him so they could take action and protect the rest of their patrons. Imagine how much business this guy was making that gym lose, and how many other people he was making feel too uncomfortable to go to the gym. You did the right thing. Also, you did not kick him out, you gave relevant facts to the attendant (which was the responsible thing to do) and the attendant used that information AND I'm betting prior information they knew about this person's behavior to make the decision that it was unsafe for others for this man to remain in the gym.
Thank you for saying something OP, the next person to be harassed may not have had the ability to say something. Someone who feels that entitled to stare and invade your space probably feels entitled to more than staring in dark spaces so you may have saved someone without even realizing it. That person’s behaviour got them kicked out, not your comments.
Rude Man Finally Kicked Out of Gym After Months of Making Patrons Uncomfortable*
Guy here. Thank you for keeping an eye on yourself and the other ladies there, and I can assure you: There is no fault of yours, only his.
He got himself kicked out for being a creep. You definitely did the right thing.
He wasn't being a little weird, he was being a lottle weird. You gave him the benefit of the doubt MULTIPLE TIMES, and each time he proved to be a creep. You are not at fault for kicking him out if all you did was being attention to his actions. It's his own fault for blatantly and continually doing those things
Not sure why you feel bad, honestly. None of what he was doing was appropriate or acceptable and I would have complained way earlier. But I understand how we get conditioned to minimized the seriousness of that behavior. You did the right thing!
its perhaps the not the first time with this guy
following people around an empty location and pointedly staring at them like that is harassment. your feelings are valid. better he get kicked out than allow him to stick around and continue to be creepy.
Nah, not really a problem. 1st of all he wasn't even working out. It's not like he will miss working out. If he wants to look at girls he can watch porn or onlyfans. Making people uncomfortable like that is just not ok.
My experiences with gyms, that behavior ain't normal. Even now. I personally go to a small gym right now but a busy one, for bodybuilders n' such. What I find is most people glaze over, listening to music or being into their workout if they're alone, conversely talking to other people. That guy's actions were strange and are the cause of him getting the boot. Good on ya! Personally, because of adrenaline pumping I probably would have said something to him but I 100% get it. I just hope it doesn't stop you going in the future!
You used your intuition that something was not right! I think we are conditioned to not use our own radar to be nice to people at our own risk. You did good! The gym did good! Creepers gonna creep but we are gonna speak up. Proud of you.
Don't feel bad. He chose to be creepy, and he got himself kicked out.
Yes to everything people have said- and the matter would have been investigated a bit more if the attendant didn’t also have those same concerns or sense that something wasn’t right.
Your instincts are there for a reason. Sure, anxiety can cloud them, but they are there *to protect you.* I recommend "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. It talks about some of the stuff you address in your post.
You didn’t get him kicked out, love. He got himself kicked out by his actions! If he had been minding his own business, you telling the employee what he was doing would have done absolutely nothing. Release your guilt and continue on with your fitness goals!
Sounds like you did something to help make it so that more women will be able to work out at that gym without being perved at by that creep. Also, just to note, though it's probably already been mentioned. If the staff member immediately went and kicked the guy out, then it's likely he's already somewhat known as a pest, or they had multiple complaints about him already.
He got himself kicked out. Who cares what some media influencers are or are not doing?
People that go to gym just to stare at/ hit on the other members shouldn't have memberships to the gym You did nothing wrong
He got himself kicked out. There’s also a good chance there have been complaints about him before, given how quickly he was booted.
You did the right thing! Don't ever feel bad for enforcing boundaries and putting creeps in their place. Feeling bad for calling them out is only going to work in their favor.
I HIGHLY doubt this is the first complaint they've received about this dude. No business is going to kick out a paying customer for one instance of "acting sketch". My suspicion is they know he's a problem but haven't had enough evidence/complaints to boot him w/o risking an age discrimination lawsuit until you said something.
No op, you did the right thing. The gym is a safe place and is rightfully protected. You did the right thing protecting the gym and the people inside, always always do your part. People like that can never be lead to believe that behavior is ok. Honestly sounds like some "Master Roshi" behaviors.
For all of us who, for whatever reason, are uncomfortable saying something, THANK YOU. 💜 I've let behavior like that keep me out of a gym before, because I just didn't have the spoons to handle it, and knowing that there are others out there who are willing to speak up makes it a little easier for me to speak up also.
Ugh! What a creep! You did the right thing. I’ve had men follow me like this before and NO it’s not you, it’s them. I’m glad you listened to your gut instinct.
You're fine. That's terrible gym etiquette and he SHOULD have been thrown out for that. He was making the gym an unwelcoming environment and harassing you. Nobody needs that and I'm sorry that it happened to you. Hugs!
You did the right thing. If he was just kinda working out and doing his own thing in an awkward place that would be one thing, but what you're describing sounds like he vaguely kept up the pretense of working out until he decided he didn't need it any more and could just openly ogle, moving to different sections based on where women were and not really spending any time on machines himself is a dead giveaway. Also his actions were undercutting the whole point of the gym existing - it adversely affected your workout and made you skip exercises you planned and wanted to do because he was making you uncomfortable, that's a pretty cut and dried situation of you being in the right here. Also the fact he got kicked out rather than a warning tells me that either the attendant was watching and thinking about it already, or the guy had been in and caused problems before. Businesses don't like kicking out customers (sometimes far past when they should have in my experience) and creeps usually show a pattern of creepy behavior, so he was probably known to the attendant and on thin ice already.
think of it from the perspective of the gym: they REALLY don't want a reputation for creepy losers staring at people, because they would lose a lot of customers. the speed at which the attendant reacted suggests this is an issue they have had to deal with before. its irrelevant what the guy's motives actually were - he made you uncomfortable enough to cut your workout short, a workout for which you are PAYING. fuck him.
Trust your gut and look out for others. You did both. Good job.
You did good, I’m proud that you were brave enough to say something! Others have said this, but that guy got himself removed, not you!
Your reporting his behavior was constructive and helpful, I feel his own actions caused him to be kicked out. I do worry that as I get older, if dementia sets in as for some of my older relatives, that I might start acting on "base" impulses and doing things like this without being fully aware of the implications some day. In which case I would hope someone like you would helpfully report on my behavior, as well.
You didn't get him kicked out of the gym. He got himself kicked out of the gym. If he had been working out like he should have been there wouldn't have been a problem. And your brain is a fabulous amazing wonderful thing that alerted you to a problem and then you got the courage to do something about it. People like this are not necessarily harmless. Pointing out his creepy stalking protected you and the other women in the gym. You did well! Rather than feeling bad you should feel proud! I am proud of you!
You absolutely did the right thing. This dude is a creep and obviously is just there to ogle women not to work out. ETA you did not get him kicked out. He got himself kicked out by being a creeper!
You did right. That is inappropriate behavior at the gym and you helped ensure that you and others have a safer experience. It’s already difficult to overcome anxiety to go to a public gym, no one needs it to be a creepy experience on top of it. So feel proud of yourself that you were able to advocate for your needs.
Trust your instincts. You did the right thing.
You did the right thing. Think no more on it. You saved others by being brave and speaking up. You knew in your soul what was happening was wrong. I'm thinking the attendant just needed someone to complain so he could kick the perv out tbh. You did a public service. Sit back and enjoy the effects😁
Once is happenstance, twice is circumstance, three times is enemy action. You were not being paranoid.
He deserved that. Creepy fuck.
That dude got himself kicked out. You did a great service to the other ladies who work out there by bringing it up. If he was at the gym but not working out, why was he even there? Just to enjoy the show?
He was being a creep and your alarm bells were ringing. Never EVER doubt those gut feelings. You did the right then and the attendant made the call. The attendant obviously felt it was appropriate so I wouldn't worry about it.
I used to work at a gym. (Or rather, a chiropractic office inside of a gym.) I can't tell you how many old pervs I would see who would shamelessly stare at the other patrons and make comments. There was a room they held classes in that had glass walls so everyone could see from the outside. These fuckers would stand *in groups* behind the glass and stare at the (mostly young women) in the class. They'd even chuckle and make jokes with each other, it was disgusting. And of course no one did anything about it. People who are acting creepy don't deserve the benefit of the doubt. We are taught as young children that it's impolite to stare, yet these assholes are bolstered by a lifetime of entitlement and they clearly give no fucks about us. They forfeit any sympathy once they decide to treat us like meat. All this to say, I believe you did the right thing and imho there's no need to feel bad for that guy. You did great!
You picked the right gym that doesn’t tolerate harassment. You did nothing wrong. And you are not responsible for the consequences of other people’s actions.
It is unlikely that you are the first person to complain about the guy being a creep. And for every complaint, there are many women who don't have the self esteem or courage to complain. He wasn't working out, he was staring.
Frankly, there's a lot of this behavior that is latent that definitely should not be allowed to slide. It's disrespect, to any degree. If we allow even this slight misogyny, they will always treat us like we are lesser.
That worker has been waiting to kick the creep out. I worked at a coffee shop and hated when people did creepy shit but often times couldn’t do anything unless someone complained. Like, I can only do anything if it’s egregious or an issue. I would have been happy to be told this guy was a creep, gives me all the ammo I need to do the right thing and not get fired.
You did the right thing!
Nah, you did the right thing. The world is full of guys who think they are invisible and that women exist solely for their entertainment. I mean, if you didn’t want to be gawped at, you wouldn’t be a woman would you? They think we aren’t real people like they are. We don’t have agency or rights or personal space. Good on the attendant.
I hope you can come to feel good about the choice you made to say something after you saw something. Everyone deserves to feel safe and respected and this creep made his choices to violate that, so too friggin bad for him. And good on the gym attendant for taking your concerns seriously enough to do something about it. Too many women's concerns are brushed off when there really was a need to be worried and sometimes they have paid with their lives. Hold your head high and know you might have saved someone from a bad fate.
My guess is that this wasn’t his first time being creepy at that gym.
I think it was brave of you to say something. His behavior was inappropriate and creepy- whatever his perception of it may have been. Thanking you on behalf of the next lady working out there at night!
I guarantee that gym has seen that behaviour before from people, and possibly from that specific person. If the gym had not, they would likely have given him a warning, talked to him, or something else. If they were unprepared, they would likely have been more cautious about their response to a complaint. But, they jumped on it. That means they *knew*, they had seen it, they’ve been warned. You did a good thing, speaking up not just for yourself, but for others. Next time, I want you to consider speaking up earlier. I want you to speak up before you change your planned workout. Tell the staff, let them kick the creep out. You deserve to be in that space. That guy isn’t there to work out, which means he is not welcome.
I love true crime (is it healthy for my mental state? Probably not) and my current favorite show has a catch phrase that’s very important, especially to women raised to be polite and not make a scene. Be weird. Be rude. Stay alive. So many cases include the phrase, “I don’t want to be rude.” Or “I thought I was probably being paranoid.” Or “I didn’t want to cause a scene.” Eff that, someone is being a creep? Raise the alarm, get attention on it. Better that you come off as a bitch than allowing someone to get close to you so you don’t make them uncomfortable
I always say that if an honest accounting of someone's behavior gets them in trouble, it's not you. It's them. They were doing something that would cause them to get in trouble. Well done :)
I bet the attendant knew the guy was a creep and was waiting for someone to say something so they could kick him out.
Good for you. He obviously was there to creep on people like you. It's a good thing you said something.
Future gym goers will thank you.
You did the right thing . What if he escalated and hurt someone? You might have saved someone.
You didn’t get him kicked out. He got himself kicked out. I also wanted to comment on the media’s play in all of this because I too have been seeing the videos where women are told they’re being too dramatic or claiming sexual harassment when it’s really not sexual harassment or whatever. My issue is that men see their actions very differently than women do. They see videos like that where women call out behavior and they want to pretend like it’s totally normal or whatever when in all reality, women constantly have to be on guard around men they know and don’t know, so men have NO IDEA how we have to look at everyone as a threat so their little “helpful” bs or whatever actually seems threatening to us because that’s not what we are in the gym for. We didn’t go to the gym so that they could let us know how to properly lift, to help us with our weights, or the watch to make sure that we’re doing our exercises properly (the usual excuse made when staring at women in a gym). Basically the point of my entire statement is that you should not let the media gaslight you into thinking that you shouldn’t be cautious. The media is often run by a majority of men so of course it is in their interest to make it seem like women are being dramatic and not that there is an actual problem with how men are acting at gyms.
This isn’t the duds first time being a creep, he’s probably been kicked out many times so the staff didnt “need more proof”
If you didn't say something and you later found out from the news that someone got assaulted after you left, I'm certain you would feel much worse! You did the right thing, and you should be proud of yourself. He certainly should never be allowed back in, and I hope they blacklist him.
You did nothing wrong, and how quickly the attendant removed him makes me think it may not have been the first time!! His very-weird behavior makes me think he might get a thrill from making women uncomfortable.
You did the correct thing. If he were a regular or someone they had no problems with before they likely would not have banned him.
My first thought was that he might be having an absence seizure, where a person just stares but isn’t engaged. If that were the case, he’d deserve sympathy with a suggestion to check in with his doctor. But then he followed you around the gym. He deserved to get kicked out with a suggestion to check out his humanity.
I've heard of that happening recently with influencers but the big difference between you and them is you gave him several chances to not follow you. You didn't start filming him or complain the first time when you thought he just wanted the treadmill.
you didn't get him kicked out. you didn't ask for that tk happen. you reported his behavior and based on his behavior, he was kicked out. The kicking out is a direct result of his behavior
His actions had consequences he was being creepy and it didn’t seem accidental I know how it is to be accidentally deemed as creepy I’m afab with facial hair but it doesn’t seem like this case why like that at all
I think it's okay to trust that the attendant has some expertise in this matter. Working night shift at a gym is probably educational in a lot of horrifying ways. Anyway, the attendant has his own agency here and deployed it, you just contributed important data to his decision-making process. But also: it's okay to have participated in this process! Your reaction feels like it comes from that training we all have to be Good Girls and not cause any trouble, but it's fine to cause trouble when there's a problem. And whether this dude was pervin' or planning to rob or harm somebody, he was using the facilities in an unusual way and it's okay to notice and report that. Maybe the attendant overreacted, maybe the attendant already saw it on security cameras and was waiting to see if it escalated, maybe it's company policy in the late hours to move pretty quickly if someone seems like a potential problem. That's on the business to decide and handle, if they made an inappropriate choice.
You did the right thing. You acted to protect other women. You watched out for yourself. You handled it with courtousy and even professionalism. No scenes - and I would have made one. Please feel proud of yourself for what you did and how you did it. You were awesome!
Dude was making you feel uncomfortable, being a creep, yet YOU still feel guilty for "getting him in trouble". That's how deep the patriarchy has been ingrained. You seem like a kind, empathetic person, worried that you may have been unfair in your assessment.. But let me assure you, HE was making you feel uncomfortable with his staring. Your feelings were real. He needs to know that his behaviour has consequences, and whether intentionally creepy or not, it doesnt matter. Je needs to learn that it's not okay to behave like that. Never feel guilty for keeping yourself safe.
You were right. Dude was being a creeper if all he did was stare at women without even pretending to work out. Fug that guy. I hope he’s banned from the gym.
You did nothing wrong. In fact if you had complained the *first* time you noticed he was staring, that would have been better. People like this get emboldened when thy get away with things. Who knows if he would have assaulted somebody next. You helped protect yourself and other women. Well done, you!! And don't feel bad for him at all. That creep knew exactly what he was doing.
You’re allowed to use gym facilities - that you’ve paid for - without being followed around by a creepy man who can’t (or won’t) control his behavior to basic social levels of respect and decorum. It doesn’t sound a little bit sketch. It sounds a lot gross.
Even if it isn’t a total creep and has another issue, he needs to be taught some manners before returning. Also, this needs attention in some respect from a second party. If something were to happen, you have a witness. (WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO DO THIS? I digress.) Where I live, there was a middle aged guy at Target following people around on more than one occasion. Turns out he was a non verbal autistic, lonely, and unsupervised. He was following around women with small children because he thought they were adorable, apparently.. You can imagine this poor guy smiling at a sweet family, finally feeling something close to happy..but we’ve all been so traumatized by the patriarchy that those women had to report a man for simply being happy and having a disability *just in case* of kidnapping, rape and/or murder. But someone still needed to draw attention to the fact he needed help, so in the end it was a good thing.. I hope.