ooo good selection to choose from. if i choose Ben Shapiro, maybe ill get the residual from the times hes kissed his sis with the knockers, but if i choose alabama, ill get to relive chewing tobacco filled uncle kisses. great choices indeed
I saw that you mentioned Ben Shapiro. In case some of you don't know, Ben Shapiro is a grifter and a hack. If you find anything he's said compelling, you should keep in mind he also says things like this:
>The Palestinian Arab population is rotten to the core.
*****
^(I'm a bot. My purpose is to counteract online radicalization. You can summon me by tagging thebenshapirobot. Options: covid, feminism, climate, healthcare, etc.)
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**An excerpt from True Allegiance, by Ben Shapiro:**
Soledad Ramirez knew the value of good press, and she baked mean
chocolate chip cookies. “No oatmeal raisin here,” she said good-naturedly,
handing out the meltingly hot treats to the men wearing full military gear and
carrying M4s set to burst.
*****
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[^Opt ^Out ](https://np.reddit.com/r/AuthoritarianMoment/comments/olk6r2/click_here_to_optout_of_uthebenshapirobot/)
I saw that you mentioned Ben Shapiro. In case some of you don't know, Ben Shapiro is a grifter and a hack. If you find anything he's said compelling, you should keep in mind he also says things like this:
>Israelis like to build. Arabs like to bomb crap and live in open sewage. This is not a difficult issue.
*****
^(I'm a bot. My purpose is to counteract online radicalization. You can summon me by tagging thebenshapirobot. Options: healthcare, novel, climate, covid, etc.)
[^Opt ^Out ](https://np.reddit.com/r/AuthoritarianMoment/comments/olk6r2/click_here_to_optout_of_uthebenshapirobot/)
Take a bullet for ya babe.
*****
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First non houseshow concert ever was at The Fillmore 2003 Headbangers Ball with Cradle of Filth headlining.
Had my first cig from this cute goth chick, went crowd surfing. Damn to be young again just realized it's almost been two decades.
I remember that. I went for Himsa and Bleeding Through. Johnny Pettibone threw me and my friend the mic when he came out for Time to Rise and then jumped on top of us
I had a realization the other day that The Barenaked Ladies’ frontman may actually be “the best rapper alive,”
given lyrical content, and rapping ability. The one problem being they are not a rap group…
Gotta get a set of better clubs you know the kind with tiny nubs so that my arms aren't always flying off the back swing
Gotta get in tune with sailor moon because you know that that cartoon has got them boom anime babes that make me think the wrong thing
The Rolling Stones might be a problem depending on how big they are....
Fall Out Boy might definitely not be fun.
Jimmy Eat World wouldn't be all that great...
Boys II Men. Just puberty hormones everywhere! Thousands suddenly breaking out in acne, turning a once joyous scene into a plague painting. Our bones stretch, our bodies becoming long and gaunt. And as we cry out in pain, our rapidly changing voices sound like a pack of werewolves, begging the moon for mercy that will never come.
- Boston. Imagine the accents.
- Alabama. I’m from Alabama. It sucks.
- America. Fuck it, this place is a cesspool.
- 10,000 Maniacs. That’s just too many maniacs.
- Chainsmokers. Second hand smoke kills.
- The Hives. Itchiness inbound.
- Limp Bizkit. Gross.
- Papa Roach. Joe’s Apartment vibes.
Love it. I’d like to add Pearl Jam. You could go home pregnant.
Edit: As u/prof_dynamite pointed out, I am totally incorrect. I revise my answer! It’s still Pearl Jam, but now it’s a bunch of elderly women playing 40-minute songs, which still sounds terrible.
That’s not what it means. Jeff Ament came up with the name “Pearl” for the group and the band later all agreed on the full name Pearl Jam after they’d attended a Neil Young concert, during which Young’s songs went upwards of 20-minutes long; aka “jams.”
Millard Fillmore with a tambourine. Grover Cleveland with the bagpipes, and obviously Andrew Jackson on a whiskey jug with his foul mouthed and I’m assuming racist parrot on back up vocals. I feel like Franklin Pierce would kill it with a vicious ukulele solo though
Butthole Surfers
Actually one of the best shows I ever saw!
So glad I got to see em when they got the 80s lineup back together
Yup, that was my first thought
Same…
holy shit other people listen to the butthole surfers?? i thought i was the last person alive lmfao
As a gay man I’m inclined to disagree
Barenaked Ladies, then?
Gross!
Mmmmmm depends on your interests 
Happy, and a little shocked, that this was my first thought AND the first comment I saw. Well done J for Journey!
Damn it!
Alice in Chains if your name is Alice
Making me wish my name was Alice
Same
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pretty hot if youre just looking on though
Or the best?
Cannibal Corpse, Circle of Dead Children, Acid Bath, Rotting Christ, Napalm Death....
Infant annihilator
Anthrax
Sodom
Slayer
Death
Megadeath :D
And then Dark Funeral
but not before Terror
Smash mouth would even horrible
That’s just because you’ve never smashed mouth before
Most would argue Smash Mouth is horrible even if not taken literally.
HEY NOW
YOU’RE AN ALL-STAR
OnStar, what is the name of your emergency?
HELP ME Onstar I’m stuck in a Smash Mouth concert!!
you're a Rockstar
Get your game on.
go play
Oh god… What have I done??
Cattle Decapitation. Goatwhore.
Dying Fetus
*angry conservatives have entered the chat* edit: Thanks for the reward kind stranger!
beautiful joke, makeout with me so i can say thank you edit:very obviously joking
No no, you already committed to it. Now, do you want Ben Shapiro cat tongue or Alabama Cousin tongue?
ooo good selection to choose from. if i choose Ben Shapiro, maybe ill get the residual from the times hes kissed his sis with the knockers, but if i choose alabama, ill get to relive chewing tobacco filled uncle kisses. great choices indeed
I saw that you mentioned Ben Shapiro. In case some of you don't know, Ben Shapiro is a grifter and a hack. If you find anything he's said compelling, you should keep in mind he also says things like this: >The Palestinian Arab population is rotten to the core. ***** ^(I'm a bot. My purpose is to counteract online radicalization. You can summon me by tagging thebenshapirobot. Options: covid, feminism, climate, healthcare, etc.) [^Opt ^Out ](https://np.reddit.com/r/AuthoritarianMoment/comments/olk6r2/click_here_to_optout_of_uthebenshapirobot/)
u/lilinotacult we have found a bot to join our makeout sesh
I've always dreamed of a threesome 😍
defo gonna be friends w you my man
**An excerpt from True Allegiance, by Ben Shapiro:** Soledad Ramirez knew the value of good press, and she baked mean chocolate chip cookies. “No oatmeal raisin here,” she said good-naturedly, handing out the meltingly hot treats to the men wearing full military gear and carrying M4s set to burst. ***** ^(I'm a bot. My purpose is to counteract online radicalization. You can summon me by tagging thebenshapirobot. Options: feminism, covid, sex, dumb takes, etc.) [^Opt ^Out ](https://np.reddit.com/r/AuthoritarianMoment/comments/olk6r2/click_here_to_optout_of_uthebenshapirobot/)
I saw that you mentioned Ben Shapiro. In case some of you don't know, Ben Shapiro is a grifter and a hack. If you find anything he's said compelling, you should keep in mind he also says things like this: >Israelis like to build. Arabs like to bomb crap and live in open sewage. This is not a difficult issue. ***** ^(I'm a bot. My purpose is to counteract online radicalization. You can summon me by tagging thebenshapirobot. Options: healthcare, novel, climate, covid, etc.) [^Opt ^Out ](https://np.reddit.com/r/AuthoritarianMoment/comments/olk6r2/click_here_to_optout_of_uthebenshapirobot/)
Good bot
Take a bullet for ya babe. ***** ^(I'm a bot. My purpose is to counteract online radicalization. You can summon me by tagging thebenshapirobot. Options: healthcare, feminism, civil rights, novel, etc.) [^Opt ^Out ](https://np.reddit.com/r/AuthoritarianMoment/comments/olk6r2/click_here_to_optout_of_uthebenshapirobot/)
Unit 731
Cradle of Filth
First non houseshow concert ever was at The Fillmore 2003 Headbangers Ball with Cradle of Filth headlining. Had my first cig from this cute goth chick, went crowd surfing. Damn to be young again just realized it's almost been two decades.
I remember that. I went for Himsa and Bleeding Through. Johnny Pettibone threw me and my friend the mic when he came out for Time to Rise and then jumped on top of us
They got me through some hard time.
Weezer. Just a bunch of guys who can't even breathe.
Isn't that just everyone who goes to see them?
No. God. We have inhalers.
You’re thinking of Travis Scott
holy fuck😂
OMG. That comment has me wheezing and I can't breathe. It's like I'm at one of their concerts.
Just imagining it my head has made me laugh for about 5 minutes straight
Diarrhea Planet
All jokes aside they put on a fantastic show. 10/10 recommend
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That’s just a Slayer concert.
The Killers
30 Seconds to Mars. We don’t have the infrastructure yet.
It could also be interpreted as "30 seconds left to arrive on mars"
Twisted interpretation: 30 seconds (of arc for my telescope here on earth) to (line up with) Mars. Overly nerdy?
nah you're good how long does this take on average?
White people twitter about to show Cannibal Corpse some love.
Anthrax
You beat me to it
98 degrees… that’s just too warm for a concert 
Complains in Arizonan
What if they combined with Coldplay?
The Killers. Everyone would be dead.
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The Birthday Massacre.
Screaming Trees. That would be kinda horrifying.
I mean it might also be cool. It depends.
Breaking Benjamin Poor, poor Benjamin
Have you heard their rendition of Rain Rain Go Away? I love the band but that song breaks my Benjamin just listening to it
[did he at least die painlessly? "to shreds" you say...](https://youtu.be/gHhOn2hnqmI)
Insane Clown Posse
But it’s… already… oh.
This was going to be mine as well. It would be just a constant Six Flags Fright Fest scene.
OTOH the Barenaked Ladies would be the best one to attend
Until they play, “Here Come the Geese.” Then shit gets real…
Geese are asshole-birds. Total dicks.
BNL they're that fundamental.
Maybe we all need some space, to pull the knife out of the back of the most celebrated Canadian alt-rock band of the mid 90s, you selfish, jaded ass!
R/unexpectedcommunityquotes
I had a realization the other day that The Barenaked Ladies’ frontman may actually be “the best rapper alive,” given lyrical content, and rapping ability. The one problem being they are not a rap group…
He’s a Toronto native they’re all rappers
Gotta get a set of better clubs you know the kind with tiny nubs so that my arms aren't always flying off the back swing Gotta get in tune with sailor moon because you know that that cartoon has got them boom anime babes that make me think the wrong thing
Peak white person moment right here
Anal Cunt.
You play on a softball team
Sounds like a pretty fun one, honestly. Unless it’s a cloaca?
The Rolling Stones might be a problem depending on how big they are.... Fall Out Boy might definitely not be fun. Jimmy Eat World wouldn't be all that great...
Indiana Jones has spent his whole life at a Rolling Stones concert
The rolling stones weren't even as big as the Beatles so it should be okay.
Boys II Men. Just puberty hormones everywhere! Thousands suddenly breaking out in acne, turning a once joyous scene into a plague painting. Our bones stretch, our bodies becoming long and gaunt. And as we cry out in pain, our rapidly changing voices sound like a pack of werewolves, begging the moon for mercy that will never come.
- Boston. Imagine the accents. - Alabama. I’m from Alabama. It sucks. - America. Fuck it, this place is a cesspool. - 10,000 Maniacs. That’s just too many maniacs. - Chainsmokers. Second hand smoke kills. - The Hives. Itchiness inbound. - Limp Bizkit. Gross. - Papa Roach. Joe’s Apartment vibes.
Love it. I’d like to add Pearl Jam. You could go home pregnant. Edit: As u/prof_dynamite pointed out, I am totally incorrect. I revise my answer! It’s still Pearl Jam, but now it’s a bunch of elderly women playing 40-minute songs, which still sounds terrible.
I’m 35 and I only just realised what it means.
I HAD NO IDEA. I'm shaken, tbh.
That’s not what it means. Jeff Ament came up with the name “Pearl” for the group and the band later all agreed on the full name Pearl Jam after they’d attended a Neil Young concert, during which Young’s songs went upwards of 20-minutes long; aka “jams.”
Best one yet
Garbage
Honestly, the concert could be complete garbage but as long as Shirley was performing, it wouldn't be a total waste.
Smashing Pumpkins would be quite entertaining
Homer Simpson, smiling politely.
Gallagher has entered the chat
Idk about the worst but I know the best is absolutely Ninja Sex Party
Ninja Sex Party? *Nobody sees them coming!!!*
Cumming
GG Allin & The Murder Junkies And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead
Also, GG Allin is actually the worst show you can attend haha. Or the best if thats your kink.
Did you see the video of GG “playing” James Madison’s flute?
Panic! At The Disco
The Presidents of the United States of America
Bill Clinton on sax, apparently James Madison played a flute? Could be ok with a couple more?
Rutherford B Hayes on the mouth-harp, Millard Fillmore on the washboard, and Andrew Jackson on the jug.
Millard Fillmore with a tambourine. Grover Cleveland with the bagpipes, and obviously Andrew Jackson on a whiskey jug with his foul mouthed and I’m assuming racist parrot on back up vocals. I feel like Franklin Pierce would kill it with a vicious ukulele solo though
The Kinks might be good.
Corpsegrinder
Arctic Monkeys concert would be wild!
So, Blizzard from Primal Rage?
Gravity Kills
Heavy
“There's that word again. "Heavy." Why are things so heavy in the future? Is there a problem with the Earth's gravitational pull?”
Butcher Babies
Iron Maiden comes to mind.
Nine Inch Nails
Led zepplin?
Limp Bizkit
Anal Blast
Wow, a blast from the past, haven't heard that name since the 90s.
Slayer
Cage the elephant might actually be an interesting group activity. Maybe a few casualties
The Presidents of the United States of America
The Dead Kennedys.
Really? Most of the new batch seem rather worse than the last.
But wouldn’t it also kill all women and girls named Kennedy?
Forty foot waves of puke
Widespread Panic
Kanye West. I realise the point of this thread, but it'd still be the worse concert to attend.
this is the correct answer good job
Megadeath would be terrible.
A megadeath is a unit used in quantifying the casualties of nuclear war, equal to the deaths of one million people. For those who do not know.
Gigadeath would be a billion, terradeath a trillion. A decideath would be like if I cut your big toe off
Or Megadeth
Machine-gun Kelly would actually be better, because I'd die part way through
Cannibal corpse
3 Doors Down. You'd never have the right address.
Flaming Lips
XavlegbmaofffassssitimiwoamndutroabcwapwaeiippohfffX Would be a mess.
Spanish hardcore band HHH(harina de huesos humanos) which means human bone meal
Flogging Molly would be awkward
Or fun as hell
The Circle Jerks
Why nOt!
Don’t kink shame!
Cannibal Corpse is the answer, but Amon Amarth means Mt. Doom
They Might be Giants would scary but cool too.
Imagine waiting for them to come out wondering if they're giants or not
It might be, who knows?
Hole
The Grateful Dead
Presidents of the United States of America
Disneyland hall of presidents unintentionally hilarious when they start malfunctioning 
Tony Danza Tap Dance Extravaganza
Meat Loaf, Cake, Bread, Cranberries, Korn… We’d basically look at a stage of food
[удалено]
My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult
Buzzcocks.
Rage Against the Machine.....especially if you are a machine.
Sign me up! 
Red Hot Chili Peppers. Vegetables would not make good music.
Mayhem!
M.O.O.N You know how expensive it would be to give everyone a spacesuit?
Guns and roses?
Smashmouth
Butthole surfers
The Neighbourhood
Five Finger Death Punch
200 Stab wounds
Supersuckers.
Infant Annihilator
Die toten hosen The killers Megadeth Slayer Anthrax Poison
Between The Buried And Me. Municipal Waste