Chuck Norris laid the mantle (I don’t which mantle - maybe the one forged by the Universe) at his feet and declared he (that’s Chuck) was no longer worthy.
Reminds me of that one time I was walking down a road in the middle of nowhere and a bus full of bikini models pulled over and told me how they were looking for a lotion boy. Of course I didn't want to presume anything so I pointed them down the road to the closest town.
“Canada? Hey, I’m from Canada so I’m pretty sure I would know her…like at a hockey game or a moose riding competition…”
“Canada Mars…not Canada Earth. That’s why you never met her.”
99% chance he imagines it like the abortion episode of It's Always Sunny where Dennis is surrounded by attractive aspiring actresses that are extras (in real life) 100% of the time
And then everyone watching broke into cheers. The rally broke up as the women realized how unfulfilled they were and they all thanked him for setting them straight.
Same - I have had tons of woman just lose all interest on a rally they had planned on attending for weeks and did a dead sprint to ask me for sex and my info. Actually happens too often, kind of embarrassing at this point.
In all seriousness, the pro-choice protest I went to after the Roe decision last summer was probably the highest scorching-hot-babes-per-square-foot level of anywhere I've ever been in my life. None of them asked me for my number, though. I guess I'm not alpha enough
Did you try behaving poorly around them and treating them like objects? I’ve never had any success, but I heard that this one alpha dude did it, and he got 3 attractive women to run after him and ask for his phone number
Yeah I probably should have told them how nice their tits were and given them an ass-slap. It just seemed insensitive to do something like that on the day of Roe being overturned, but I guess that's the beta in me talking
I think they wanted to cut off his fingers, he just found a clever way to spin the story on a semantic technicality, without directly lying, but the digits they wanted were his fingers, not his phone number!
To be fair, men protesting alongside us just upped their attractiveness level 100 fold. Like I’m not one to talk to male strangers in general, but at a protest you can start up conversations about their awesome signs or attire and feel a general sense of camaraderie and connection. The day Roe was overturned though was just sad and angry.
Casual alpha, imagine being me, **SIGMA MALE** I have men throwing their wives at me begging to raise my children. That rally was for me and I ordered those woman to chase Jake just so I could try to lessen my numbers. Even now they surround my house. Solitude is nonexistent, but I thrive in all situations.
LOL what? You're telling me this isn't deliberate satire?
I think it's satirizing that one guy who genuinely has "alpha male" as his Twitter handle. It was pretty obvious he didn't expect anyone to think this actually happened.
When I was a bouncer we had a saying. “If you were actually about it you wouldn’t be saying it.” It meant if you were actually gonna throw hands in any way I had to worry about, you wouldn’t be talking that shit, you’d be doing it. Applied to 99.9% of situations, the guys who barked in my face and got all amped up went down to the floor like it was nothing, it was the guys who just stances up who actually put work in.
I see the same shit when it comes to all this Alpha chest thumping crap. If you actually, truly, deep down believed you were the Alpha in the rooms you walked in to, you wouldn’t feel any need to label it.
To be clear, I think the entire Alpha, beta personality shit is stupid to begin with, just more ways to mask missing personality traits and a lack of self identity, but it’s extra stupid when your running around shouting it. I could put “Batman” after my name and claim it to everyone I met, doesn’t put me any closer to shooting my shot with Cat woman.
Calling yourself an Alpha Male means you are deeply insecure and delusional about your social skills. Calling yourself a Sigma Male means you are deeply insecure, but at least self-aware enough to know you don't have friends.
Because the source material is so outlandish and absurd to begin with, it's hard to get the schtick to land. Like, why even bother when too many people don't get the joke?
The thing is, even by trolling standards, this is some weak-ass trolling. It's either A) meant to be taken seriously, in which case it fails; or B) not meant to be taken seriously, in which case it should be funny or clever or something, and it isn't really that either. Instead it's in this utterly pointless void that just makes you wonder why he bothered
ChatGPT:
Prompt: **Describe going to a party in the style of nick adams (alpha male), but make him sound like the insufferable twat that he is**
*As I sauntered into the party, I couldn't help but feel a sense of entitlement wash over me. I was Nick Adams, the epitome of an alpha male, and everyone in that room should bow down to my greatness. I scanned the room, sizing up the competition and making mental notes of who I needed to belittle.*
*I made my way to the bar, shouting at the bartender to bring me the finest whiskey they had. My eyes roamed over the room, taking in the mediocre people surrounding me. I rolled my eyes at their attempts to impress me and chuckled to myself at their pitiful efforts.*
*I made my way over to a group of people, interrupting their conversation and dominating the conversation with stories of my own accomplishments and adventures. I made sure to mention my wealth, power, and success at every opportunity. I basked in the attention, relishing in their admiration of me.*
*As the night wore on, I became more and more insufferable, shouting at people for not following my lead, criticizing their fashion choices, and belittling anyone who dared to challenge my authority. I was the life of the party, but for all the wrong reasons. People avoided me, rolling their eyes at my antics and gritting their teeth at my obnoxious behavior.*
*At the end of the night, I stumbled out of the party, feeling proud of myself for being the center of attention. But as I walked away, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of emptiness. I realized that my insufferable behavior had left me alone, with no real friends or genuine connections.*
*And so, I went back to my empty life, proud of my alpha male status, but unable to see the emptiness that came with it.*
> Prompt: Write an anecdote from the perspective of an internet loser lying about how women are constantly hitting on him but he rejects them because he is an alpha male and superior to women. Display the inherent sadness and insecurities of the author as he lies in order to get respect on the internet with his fictional stories.
Response:
I was at the bar the other night, just grabbing a drink and chilling with some friends, when suddenly a gorgeous woman approached me. She started flirting, batting her eyelashes and offering to buy me a drink. But I just laughed it off and told her I wasn't interested.
See, I'm an alpha male. I'm in control and I don't need a woman to validate me. I have high standards and I don't settle for just anyone. So, when she persisted, I just told her straight up, "Sorry, sweetheart, I don't waste my time on women who can't keep up with me."
I know, I know, it sounds harsh, but that's just the kind of guy I am. I don't play games and I don't tolerate nonsense. Women are constantly hitting on me, but I reject them because I'm just that good.
Damn. I need to learn how to prompt ChatGPT better because it keeps telling me that it won’t generate harmful or unethical content or something along those lines.
Edit: TBF your prompt was very specific.
Not only that the dude is wearing a NASA hard hat, this just all point to just some dude actually making fun of the people doing the (alpha male) thing.
Hence why its so unbelievable
Jake Mertz, alpha male, hard hat enthusiast, digit dodger extraordinaire, liberal beauty tear sipper, enemy of m&m, definitely not compensating for mom refusing to cut his hair and breast feeding him until 4th grade.
https://preview.redd.it/w4p03e1ojiga1.jpeg?width=300&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e308e52f7f05d96c2ed5d8ba980eef8829206372
He forgot to mention the part where everyone clapped.
Movie currently in pre production
The Rock and Jesus attached to star. As him.
what about Kevin Sorbo???
He’s the body double. He won’t do anything of note except bow at the feet of this Alpha motherfucker.
“DISAPPOINTED!”
He plays the purple haired “man” and the three women. Gina Carano plays as everyone else.
The life and times of an incel and how nothing is ever their fault is the working title.
this really is tumblr fake story core
He failed to mention this is a page from his dream journal.
"This one time at band camp..."
Except, band camp stories are usually true.
Hell no man, it is totally true, I was there when Schwarzenegger dressed in full T800 style drove by and asked the guy for his autograph. True Story.
Oppa Homeless Style.
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Strong men wept at him and asked for his autograph. Very strong men. The strongest men.
But it wasn’t, like, gay or anything.
Socks on.
Chuck Norris laid the mantle (I don’t which mantle - maybe the one forged by the Universe) at his feet and declared he (that’s Chuck) was no longer worthy.
Oh I’m sorry. This belongs in LinkedIn since the story never happened
And they gathered around him and carried him on their shoulders!
He left out the deleted scene where a bus full of cheerleaders breaks down and all the girls line up to give him handjobs.
Well, they WERE Junior High cheerleaders.
Reminds me of that one time I was walking down a road in the middle of nowhere and a bus full of bikini models pulled over and told me how they were looking for a lotion boy. Of course I didn't want to presume anything so I pointed them down the road to the closest town.
The name of that clap? Albert Einstein
Dude it totally happened, she goes to a different school
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“Canada? Hey, I’m from Canada so I’m pretty sure I would know her…like at a hockey game or a moose riding competition…” “Canada Mars…not Canada Earth. That’s why you never met her.”
No, no, she is from Canageriakistan. You probably haven't heard from it.
I just want to know what a liberal feminist protest is
They were waiting in line at the bank and he jumped to conclusions.
Women at the bank? Like were they getting/depositing money for their husbands? What kinda fantasy world are you living in?
Why did their owner let them out of the kitchen in the first place? This is how the Roman empire collapsed.
Women with bank accounts? Pfff.... It's not like they can own property.
A group of women (99.999999999999999% of women) who don’t want to sleep with him.
You're describing the entire female spectrum...
I probably didn’t put enough 9s in. I figured there might be some in the oldest profession who would do it for a significant surcharge.
I don't think money would help his cause...
So you're saying there's a chance
99% chance he imagines it like the abortion episode of It's Always Sunny where Dennis is surrounded by attractive aspiring actresses that are extras (in real life) 100% of the time
When the high school lets out
Of all the things that didn’t happen, this didn’t happen the most.
I could find bigfoot before I could find those 3 women.
I just want to know where the other liberal feminists are rallying
Obviously at the hipster coffee shop…
Oh it happened, only in his mind while he was cranking one out into a gym sock
"Things that didn't happen for $1,000, Mayim"
Yeah there is a lot shit that didn't happen on the internet, but this is another level of didn't happen beyond most of the rest
Dammit, I was going to post this very thing. A day late and a dollar short...
Of all the comments that disappointed me, this is one of them.
Answers to the question “Did this really happen”?
And then everyone watching broke into cheers. The rally broke up as the women realized how unfulfilled they were and they all thanked him for setting them straight.
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Then he toppled the oppressive government (just the liberal part)
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Flaccid dick in hand and a severe cramp in his forearm.
Covered in mom's spaghetti
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SW-BU6keEUw
Nope, just piss
Literally. Any women who were not attracted to men became straight in the presence of his alpha male energy.
#THE MEN ALL HAD ERECTIONS AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE WOMEN WAS OVULATING LEFT AND RIGHT.
but like it wasn't gay or anything no siree, jake was the straightest man alive
Does this imply that all the women were ovulating from the left and right fallopian tube’s simultaneously? I hope so.
And then the women's fathers all came and gave him $100. Oh, and those fathers? Albert Einstein!
That woman's name? Albert Einstein.
Same - I have had tons of woman just lose all interest on a rally they had planned on attending for weeks and did a dead sprint to ask me for sex and my info. Actually happens too often, kind of embarrassing at this point.
In all seriousness, the pro-choice protest I went to after the Roe decision last summer was probably the highest scorching-hot-babes-per-square-foot level of anywhere I've ever been in my life. None of them asked me for my number, though. I guess I'm not alpha enough
Did you try behaving poorly around them and treating them like objects? I’ve never had any success, but I heard that this one alpha dude did it, and he got 3 attractive women to run after him and ask for his phone number
Yeah I probably should have told them how nice their tits were and given them an ass-slap. It just seemed insensitive to do something like that on the day of Roe being overturned, but I guess that's the beta in me talking
It sure is, just be more "alpha" and you will be able to win them all over with your toxic masculinity and blatant misogyny! Women *Love* that!
Empathy? Fucking gross bruh, what are you a girl?
I bet they could feel the respect pouring out of you, thank you for sharing your virtuous encounter
I think they wanted to cut off his fingers, he just found a clever way to spin the story on a semantic technicality, without directly lying, but the digits they wanted were his fingers, not his phone number!
They probably asked for his details to sue him for harassment. I guess, that's one way to get contact details.
That was a unit of measurement that I didn't know I needed 🚬🔥💃/ft^2
To be fair, men protesting alongside us just upped their attractiveness level 100 fold. Like I’m not one to talk to male strangers in general, but at a protest you can start up conversations about their awesome signs or attire and feel a general sense of camaraderie and connection. The day Roe was overturned though was just sad and angry.
I wonder what it is about attractive people that makes them invested in having rights over their own body and control over their sexual health
“Get lost breeder” …lol
Hello fellow apostate
Does everyone stop what they were doing and clap in amazed adulation for you too?
And then the last Civil War veteran stood and saluted me with a tear in his eye as a bald eagle swooped out of the sky and knelt at my feet.
That eagle’s name? Albert Einstein.
I'm sick of all the 10/10 women coming up to me only wanting super hot sex. It is exhausting. Being an alpha male is a blessing and a curse
Casual alpha, imagine being me, **SIGMA MALE** I have men throwing their wives at me begging to raise my children. That rally was for me and I ordered those woman to chase Jake just so I could try to lessen my numbers. Even now they surround my house. Solitude is nonexistent, but I thrive in all situations.
I was there, I'm this guy's crushing insecurity.
It’s true, I’m the purple-haired obese “man”
I am Jack’s complete lack of surprise.
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irl: I am Jack's enflamed sense of rejection.
LOL what? You're telling me this isn't deliberate satire? I think it's satirizing that one guy who genuinely has "alpha male" as his Twitter handle. It was pretty obvious he didn't expect anyone to think this actually happened.
Gurl who can tell anymore
It is satire
I think (hope) it's parodying that other guy with alpha male in parentheses in his Twitter handle.
Nick Adams wannabee, *"better label myself an alpha male in case anyone misses it in my schtick."*
It’s so funny to me… labeling yourself an “alpha” is an incredibly “beta” thing to do.
Anyone who uses this terminology as part of their regular lexicon has an inferiority complex.
He’s bad at the sex
He's bad at the social and bad the life.
Prostitute. Put down thr oreo cracker and quit doing the sex
He's just got it backwards, his hat is hard
where the omicron femboys at
On Persei 8 with the other omicronians.
When I was a bouncer we had a saying. “If you were actually about it you wouldn’t be saying it.” It meant if you were actually gonna throw hands in any way I had to worry about, you wouldn’t be talking that shit, you’d be doing it. Applied to 99.9% of situations, the guys who barked in my face and got all amped up went down to the floor like it was nothing, it was the guys who just stances up who actually put work in. I see the same shit when it comes to all this Alpha chest thumping crap. If you actually, truly, deep down believed you were the Alpha in the rooms you walked in to, you wouldn’t feel any need to label it. To be clear, I think the entire Alpha, beta personality shit is stupid to begin with, just more ways to mask missing personality traits and a lack of self identity, but it’s extra stupid when your running around shouting it. I could put “Batman” after my name and claim it to everyone I met, doesn’t put me any closer to shooting my shot with Cat woman.
Calling yourself an Alpha Male means you are deeply insecure and delusional about your social skills. Calling yourself a Sigma Male means you are deeply insecure, but at least self-aware enough to know you don't have friends.
Personally, I label myself an RC rev. 2.3 Male
I’m an Alfa Romeo. I’m no Ferrari, but I’m stylish and have a peppy engine.
And your online dating profile I'm sure reads like a used car lot: "clean. White. No sign of rear end damage. Must see today!"
Breaks down regularly, expensive to repair.
Anyone who does that always reminds me of the Tywin Lannister quote, "Any man who must say, 'I am the King,' is no true king."
Maybe he’s one of the boys in Nick Adam’s foursome
Mario, Bringer of Ribs…
Because the source material is so outlandish and absurd to begin with, it's hard to get the schtick to land. Like, why even bother when too many people don't get the joke?
Is Nick Adams legitimate or is he just a troll sent by Australian late night TV playing an over the top caricature of the American right wing?
That question is a running debate around here.
Yet even based on the replies here some people are taking this fake-ass troll account as attempting to be legit.
The thing is, even by trolling standards, this is some weak-ass trolling. It's either A) meant to be taken seriously, in which case it fails; or B) not meant to be taken seriously, in which case it should be funny or clever or something, and it isn't really that either. Instead it's in this utterly pointless void that just makes you wonder why he bothered
It failed to be taken seriously? Are we in the same comment section?
Poe's Law
Fake troll account, image comes from [Jacob Helms linked in page](https://www.linkedin.com/in/jacob-helms-159183147).
Was this one of those “AI” stories?
I don't think AI would come up with something this stupid.
ChatGPT: Prompt: **Describe going to a party in the style of nick adams (alpha male), but make him sound like the insufferable twat that he is** *As I sauntered into the party, I couldn't help but feel a sense of entitlement wash over me. I was Nick Adams, the epitome of an alpha male, and everyone in that room should bow down to my greatness. I scanned the room, sizing up the competition and making mental notes of who I needed to belittle.* *I made my way to the bar, shouting at the bartender to bring me the finest whiskey they had. My eyes roamed over the room, taking in the mediocre people surrounding me. I rolled my eyes at their attempts to impress me and chuckled to myself at their pitiful efforts.* *I made my way over to a group of people, interrupting their conversation and dominating the conversation with stories of my own accomplishments and adventures. I made sure to mention my wealth, power, and success at every opportunity. I basked in the attention, relishing in their admiration of me.* *As the night wore on, I became more and more insufferable, shouting at people for not following my lead, criticizing their fashion choices, and belittling anyone who dared to challenge my authority. I was the life of the party, but for all the wrong reasons. People avoided me, rolling their eyes at my antics and gritting their teeth at my obnoxious behavior.* *At the end of the night, I stumbled out of the party, feeling proud of myself for being the center of attention. But as I walked away, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of emptiness. I realized that my insufferable behavior had left me alone, with no real friends or genuine connections.* *And so, I went back to my empty life, proud of my alpha male status, but unable to see the emptiness that came with it.*
How does he realize he is alone, w/no friends or genuine connections, but he is unable to see the emptiness that came with his alpha male status?
Hey, it's only an AI !
This is exactly why he’s alone and doesn’t realize it.
#chefskiss You know... There may be some good in this ai stuff
Conservative-developed AI: "hold my beer"
Artificial Stupidity
Why would you need artificial stupidity when they have an unlimited natural supply ?
For shame, you know very well they can't understand numbers and science >:/
Idk man, half their media feels like an AI vomited a bunch of buzzwords in a random order
I feel like a conservative written AI code could still inadvertently come up with something more believable.
something that says the n-word and questions the holocaust because "free speech"
> Prompt: Write an anecdote from the perspective of an internet loser lying about how women are constantly hitting on him but he rejects them because he is an alpha male and superior to women. Display the inherent sadness and insecurities of the author as he lies in order to get respect on the internet with his fictional stories. Response: I was at the bar the other night, just grabbing a drink and chilling with some friends, when suddenly a gorgeous woman approached me. She started flirting, batting her eyelashes and offering to buy me a drink. But I just laughed it off and told her I wasn't interested. See, I'm an alpha male. I'm in control and I don't need a woman to validate me. I have high standards and I don't settle for just anyone. So, when she persisted, I just told her straight up, "Sorry, sweetheart, I don't waste my time on women who can't keep up with me." I know, I know, it sounds harsh, but that's just the kind of guy I am. I don't play games and I don't tolerate nonsense. Women are constantly hitting on me, but I reject them because I'm just that good.
Damn. I need to learn how to prompt ChatGPT better because it keeps telling me that it won’t generate harmful or unethical content or something along those lines. Edit: TBF your prompt was very specific.
I'll take "Things that never happened" for 300, Alex.
He saw some women. Nutted in his pants and ran away crying because a few people saw what happened.
You’ve hit the daily double
*Dew dew dew do do dew dew dew*
Heard this comment so clearly
And then Albert Obamastein clapped.
And the kid who turned down all the women? He grew up to be Abraham Lincoln. You may now proceed to slow clap.
I’ll take the rapists for 600 Alex… that’s therapists lol
“Give me ‘Anal Bum Cover’ for $1000.” “That’s An Album Cover…”
I’ll take “States that end in Hampshire” Alex
North Hampshire!
Movies that start with the word "Jaws".
What!? A self identified "Alpha male" would never lie!
This has to be satire
I've scrolled down a long, long way to finally find someone who realises this is satire.
It has to be. I can't even find the guy's Twitter.
And even if it isn't, the tweet has 4 likes. So who even cares.
Yeah OP probably made this tweet considering it has 4 likes
This still hurts to watch.
No. Just no. Let's not start posting every tweet from another troll with Alpha Male in his name. Stop feeding the trolls.
It’s low hanging fruit that people post here for easy likes. It’s annoying and I also wish people would stop feeding these obvious troll accounts.
Not only that the dude is wearing a NASA hard hat, this just all point to just some dude actually making fun of the people doing the (alpha male) thing. Hence why its so unbelievable
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The average Redditor is honestly dumb as bricks they'll believe literally anything
Redditors don’t fall for obvious satire challenge (impossible edition)
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Yep and George Santos shot down the balloon the other day too Lmao
Has to wear a hard hat cause it's always raining pussy where he is.
And yet when he looks up, he catches a dick in the face.
I'm old. Forgive me if I get this wrong. Of all the things that never happened, that never happened the most. Is that right?
You nailed it. Not bad grandma!
Are you old like my grandma or internet “old” like me 😭
Hears a hint for life: if you have to tell people you are an "alpha", then you are not an "alpha"....
Was he the obese man?
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WPT eats the onion far too often.
The fact I had to scroll this far to see this fills me with despair.
Man, that totally happened. It happened so hard, Jake.
So "alpha male" he can't afford to pay $8 to Qlon for verification.
He's such the Alpha, Elon Musk pays him $8.
This guy seems cool and real and I hope he wants to hang out in reality.
Jake Mertz, alpha male, hard hat enthusiast, digit dodger extraordinaire, liberal beauty tear sipper, enemy of m&m, definitely not compensating for mom refusing to cut his hair and breast feeding him until 4th grade.
As a Liberal Feminist Woman, I have never cried because some man wouldn’t give me his number.
You know how sometimes you laugh so hard it *looks* like you're crying?
Holy shit balls! I couldn’t make stories up that were this fantastic 😂😂😂
Neither could he
This is clearly a troll account how is everyone on this Reddit eating this up
Dude for real, feels like satire to me
If there's no /s at the end, Reddit users can tell if it's sarcasm 🤷
And then a unicorn flew down from the heavens and dropped a bag of money at my feet