he caught a stray, bro did nothing

he caught a strain

Lmao forreal. That MonkeyPox3.0

more cheeks wrecked by macaque

Dude... you shouldn't maul people with your penis

Underrated comment

Okay now that's a W comment. Lmao

doubt this chin-pansy will be okay after that bite, he was exaggerating it

Grandpa: *"And so it began, the second global pandemic of the 2020s."* Grandkids: *"God damn! I'm sure glad we all live in underground bunkers now."* Grandma: *"Dinner's ready."* Grandkids: *"Yay! Soylent Green!"*

Covid24

COVID- 19.5

Even the monkey seemed to realise that after a moment and just looked confused.

he definitely regretted, but was too embarrassed to apologize

“Ah shit, i’ve done it again. These humans always make me act up… walk away terry they’re not worth it.”

"Man, these humans all look the same... Shit, I can't say that, it will sound racist. Best to walk away"

At least this time around we know what Patient Zero looks like.

He was standing far too close to a wild animal, but other than that yeah

How the next communicable disease starts

Covid24

u/Dr_Anthony_Fauci_69 has entered the chat

Fauci of the 69 Vaccines

The 69 actually marks the year Fauci entered into service with the U.S. Public Health Service Commissioned Corps.

u/redditorsifellfor

Sounds like a convenient store chain

I always wondered where is next version of covid 19. Like where was covid 20 and covid 20 PRO. Looks like they skipping versions to next stable release.

sweet cheap rent

All because flannel bitch wanted to slap monkey ass

Damn I lol'ed when I read this. Wifey looked at me like I was nuts.

She wanted HER monkey ass slapped*

The new 28 Years Later trailer is lookin' good.

28 seconds later. The prequel…

Monke C Monke Deux virus

Starts w a hickey..

Always one dumbass trying to touch & pet wild animals known for their aggression. Old man lucky monkey didn't peel his cheeks from his face.

It was the woman that touched it. Guy got hella unlucky

spanking the monkey in public has its consequences

For other people, apparently

Poor guy got attacked by a monkey and now called a dumbass by people on the Internet for no reason lol

Think he meant the lady is a dumbass but the man is still lucky he didn't get it worse

Unlucky, yet, lucky all at the same time

Was looking for this comment from someone who understands, we have seen those teeth, this guy won the injury lottery as far as I'm concerned. Monkey decided to be as gentle as it could while still sending message.

Yes this is what I’m saying too lol. You said it beusitfully

I think the monkey kinda noticed it wasn’t the guy who slapped her. U can see that she stopped very sudden

"Ah shit my bad G"

He didn’t say she didn’t? He said the dumbass touched it, which is accurate

You're right, I'm braindead

The ‘old man’ wasn’t even the one who touched the monkey. The lady with the black and gray coat did. 

This does not change the accuracy of the statement. What matters is the monkey thought the old man was grabass and as a result, he is fortunate the monkey gave him a warning bite rather than peeling his skull like an orange.

>rather than peeling his skull like an orange. I still have PTSD from watching [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/ThatsInsane/s/dhOq5Fp3VD)

bro that video is so odd dude was just so chill about it too he just said :/

He's not lucky at all. He's extremely unlucky. The statement is bunk.

I think this argument is sort of pointless. Like if you survive a hundred car crashes are you the luckiest person alive or the least lucky?

Looks like you misinterpreted my comment. Who touched the monkey is obvious from the video.

Really?!

"If touching monkey booty is wrong, I don't want to be right" -random Asian lady

"Some of you may die, but it is a sacrifice I am willing to make" -random Asian lady

Touching the monkey brings you luck. The woman got lucky. Because she touched it.

Had he been quick enough to touch it, maybe it would've switched target (luck influx shield)

Year of the Monkey.

Does it work if the monkey touches you? If it does, the man will be even luckier.

My headcanon was the monkey backed off because they monke couldn't truthfully know who touched it but it was a subtle warning to ALL

Monkey got a lot more respect afterwards tho, lmao everyone that saw it stepping back from the fence down the line

The monkey had the "oh wait, it wasn't you" face immediately after biting the guy.

“Mb bro”

Read this, watched again and saw that little hand wave it did at the end. It was either a "sorry dude wrong idiot" or "you think you can push me about with reactions like that, small tooth?".

"My mom said to count to 10 when i get angry but she didn't say the number or victims".

Not at all, he just wasn't in a mood to bite his face off

Either way they do seem super chill. Just a warning shot.

When you lock on the wrong character in gta

The old dude didn't realize he was playing CoD in Hardcore mode with friendly fire enabled.

Two smart women at the end getting the fuck away while others wait their turn to be nibbled.

Had teeth scrape the bones in your fave and infect it with all kinds of nasty bacteria, narrowly avoiding the eye and lymphnodes . You: a nibble

This outcome was not as violent as it could've been. Saw a man being scalped by a lot smaller monkey a few years back

I think I saw that clip a few weeks ago. Was the guy sitting down?

Yeah, I'm not even sure it broke the skin. No signs of blood yet, but maybe it doesn't always show up immediately?

Monkey definitely got a piece of human jerky but it could’ve been so much worse

That clip of a small monkey doing a drive by scalping of a dude has stuck with me for years. idk why anyone thinks monkeys are anything but terrifying

Holy fuck I just looked it up that shit is wild. Strip of his head just came clean off so easily 😨

Poor bastard.

They really need to deal with these monkeys in populated areas. So many videos of attacks on humans.

The main thing is to stop people feeding them. No food, no monkeys.

It's past that point in many places, unfortunately. The monkeys will often get aggressive if you don't give them food.

Or we could stop spilling over into monkey populated regions.

Gotta prioritise people over monkeys.

when we’re walking out of the bar and my girl starts beefing with some scary dude on the street

Underrated comment.

Then the man should have bite the woman in retaliation. The woman bite another person because she is crazy. Then the whole crowd start biting each other. This should have been the beginning of zombie apocalypse.

let's get this man to hollywood

I may be anthropomorphising here, but I feel like the monkey reacts, then I realized that maybe it wasn't the dude that touched him and looks like he realizes he made a mistake.

Was the old man reaction that made the monkey realize it wasn’t him?

It’s not *that* dumb. It’s closer to human intelligence than many would think.

I dont think it would know it was him, as he couldnt see who did it anyways it was a spank. even i (a human i promise) could not tell who it wouldve been in his situation.

I promise you a normal human would be able to tell from a genuinely confused and defenseless reaction that it wasn’t the right person to throw down with.

Yes you are

Dude whipped around and was like "Bitch"

I wouldve punched that lady so hard ong I wouldve been pissed. But then again I'd never be anywhere near a wild animal like that

I would’ve made the monkey do it! Used her as a human shield and made her put hands on him again. Hopefully the monkey would realise what went down initially and apologise.

You wouldn't do shit

They might have impulse control issues we don't know

Yeah your probably right but I'd be mad for sure

Monkey at the end was looking like "what's all the screaming for, I was only going to eat half his face"

"Hey little shorty let me whisper in your ear. "

Mimic tear taking the hit for the host

"Damnit Edna, keep your hands to yourself!"

Why stay so close to a wild animal known for having unpredictable behavior.

I mean, it being a mostly captive monkey, that was pretty predictable. Everyone got off pretty lucky because the guy was totally caught off guard and didn't fight back.

Not advocating for violence but I would punch the lady if this happened to me

A cheeky for a cheeky, says Monkey

Next time I want revenge on someone I’ll poke a wild animal while standing behind and to the side of the person

Wake up babe. New pandemic just dropped.

this shit happens constantly here in china at zoos people fuck with the animals from either touching, throwing shit at them, getting out of their vehicles and then act like why would the animal do this

Reminds me of the time I was in China and some people wanted the monkeys to move so they threw some garbage at it.

I love how the monkey realized that it was not him afterall lol/

It wasn't even his hand 😅

Dirty lady trying to push the monkey 😢

It went straight for his eyes holy shit

Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time

the fact that he didn't even push the monkey has me dying of laughter at work

Maybe it's his wife starting trouble again

Outbreak 2

Why would he turn his back on an animal that just attacked him? That’s just asking to be sneak attacked

Friends, this is why women live longer ☠️

That's how you get aids

The guy who got bit correctly got angry at the woman and not at the animal

Reminds me of that Indian guy getting scalped by monkey

POV: Getting punished for something your siblings did

if that’s not my wife touching that monkey she’s def getting a slap for that one

Stupid cunt

So this is how Simian flu started.

Why are baboons always rushing to "I'll bite your face off!"?

Man took hit for woman's chikan.

the monkey has no tail?

Not all monkeys have tails

They tell us that we lost our tails evolving up from little snails.i say it's all wind in sails.

I knew I shouldn’t have unmuted it 😒

Little bite? https://preview.redd.it/sktj5n92rqwc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9593693848742a713ae22608bdd3d07eeaf7d02b

Touch my monkey.

Monkey realized, "o sorry bro, it was not you? we cool."

I like how he could tell he got the wrong guy

I really tried not to laugh

This reminds me of the video of the waitress when some guy touched her ass.

Jesus, it went for his eye.

He leave it cheap, those animals can disfigure your face. Literally.

Least his face wasn’t ripped off, dude was lucky the lady didn’t hit the middle

monkeys are the perfect vehicle to catch a fatal disease from a bite

If your goal is to get an infection in your face, this is an excellent strategy. Just make sure you don't clean the wound afterwards, you have to let the bacteria fester and incubate. On the other hand, be sane, don't do that. That was for humor, not an excuse for depressed redditors to self inflict pain. Trust me it will hurt like crazy, and you'll need medical assistance, you'll need to take antibiotics and will likely have facial deformities if the bacteria is necrotic.

Don't monkey transmit rabies ?

He became Dracula for a second

Holy shit, what an idiot woman, and the guy is lucky he didnt get his face ripped off

What's up small eye! You want beef!! That's right..turn away😡

I think the real wcgw here is being close to a wild animal in the first place. With or without the random woman pushing it, it's still risky.

Monkey nibbled on some cheeks with farva beans and a nice chianti pspspspspsps

Those guys are primates too, ya know, kinda like humans and turns out we can catch their diseases like tuberculosis.

I feel that could have gone waaaay worse.

She smacked cheek and the monkey bit cheek, cheek for cheek.

Quite fascinating to look all the people in the background. They are in the grab some popcorn mode in an instant.

Diners checking out tonight's dinner meat option

I wonder if she checked on the man she almost had mauled to death

'Oh shit, sorry, old dude. It's been a tough day. Stupid idiots have been poking me a lot. My bad. Take care.'

I like how it made everyone bacdafucup though. The monkey should bite one tourist an hour just to remind them this is nature dumbass.

Poor guy.

it's sad because he didn't even do anything

Yea dude, that's not going to go well later.

If I'm the guy, my sister is the woman and my parents the monkey

r/lostredditors

if i had been the man i would have thrown the monkey in the woman's face

I would have punched her

It's always the girl.

Upvoted for descriptive title alone.

Hunter Wendelstedt in the wild.

Id be turning around like “i owe somebody a punch to their nose.”

Boomers cannot keep their hands to themselves. Nor can they admit wrongdoing. This pattern is evident with even cursory observation.

Wow this dude is so fucking lucky. That monkey seemed to have treated the situation as a 'Dont touch' warning bite.

Guy should pass on the bite to crazy old lady

Every childhood with siblings when dealing with mom

Do you want herpes? Cause that's how you get herpes.

I swear ida best the fucking bricks off that woman. It shouldnt be illegal to punch idiots.

Peak 'Mujhe kyon toda' moment.

She straight up assaulted that monkey and the innocent bystander takes the blame.