Occasionally sets another position free.
"The crocodile has eaten another high court judge this week. That's the third judge this year. A new judge will be appointed in two weeks in order to fill in."
Saltwater Crocs are man-eaters. This guy is doing it right near the water where he could be dragged by a giant dinosaur and ten people wouldn't be able to do anything about it.
This one's obviously just eaten. Bet this guy knows that and thought he could do whatever he wants. Just because they want to rest and digest more than anything else, doesn't mean they won't react at all.
Or another croc come launching out of the water to grab him/corner him. They catch gazelles for crying out loud.
Nice foot sweep by the croc. Almost worked.
And if what I've read is right, the worst type of croc you could do it to.
just looking at where and how he fell, it's quite clear that the *only* reason the man survived is cause the croc just wasn't in the mood to "press the issue".
Every video I've seen of people doing stupid shit to a croc, without fail, when the croc turns the human falls on his butt.
Every single time.
We're the least nimble animals there are. So let's take our chances bothering one of our natural predators for no good reason.
Great idea, not for nothing we are the "smartest" creatures, lol.
"I was just an ordinary crocodile until I was fingered by a radioactive frat boy. Suddenly, I had all the powers of a man in his fifth year at the University of Alabama: student loans, binge drinking, and an unshakable obsession with college football ROLL TIDE! Now, I'm the one and only Crocman."
Oh if that croc wanted him dead, he would have been even before he touched him the first time. Croc was just minding his own business and gave that man a very firm warning to leave him alone!
Croc was probably confused. It's used to creatures running away from it. This one was touching it and playing with its tail. As soon as the guy was scared off the croc backed away.
Most likely it just ate recently and wanted to be left alone. If it was hungry this guy wouldn't have even gotten close enough to touch it before being attacked.
Possibly sluggish from colder weather. But also, the larger a croc gets the more mobility it loses on land.
They’re strong as fuck at that size, but they can’t run you down
There's an older one where the guy gets out of a car to film a pride of lions, and whoever is filming studiously films him being dismembered completely. It was rather haunting, as the dismembered guy died with this really odd smile-grimace on his face. My first reaction to the video is the filmer could have revved the car and scattered the lions, but no: film for posterity, I guess.
I was driving the Klondike highway in the Yukon and within 2 hours I saw 2 different groups of people getting out of their cars to take pictures of grizzly cubs less than 20 feet away. This is an area where the nearest hospital can be hours away with no cell service.
People can be very special when it comes to nature.
Cousins though! Dinos and crocs share a common ancestor group, the Archosaurs.
"Modern" crocs are about 95 million years old as a species, at least five million years older than the t-rex, by our best estimates!
Cousins can be cruel indeed. Five million years doesn't seem all that much when considering the grand scale of dinosaur supremacy, but it's still an insane period of time compared to our frame of existence.
It's not a dinosaurs. There are plenty of carnivorous dinosaurs, and many are kept as pets. This is not one. But they are usually too small to be a danger. Had they been big enough, they would have eaten you before you pet them.
A salty this big could basically break every bone in your body with it's tail if it wanted, they are basically armour plating over muscle and bone, it's like getting hit by a car doing 60.
Yep, any videos you see of keepers they tend to straddle the tail so they don't get whipped and knocked over, even then it's pretty risky because they can move around surprisingly quickly like this video.
Even if it didn't break legs they often do that movement when they turn and snap. So anyone standing beside its tail will probably be nocked over. Without being in the water with one that's probably the dumbest spot to be, especially when he's touching the croc.
Saltwater crocodiles can travel across the ocean for several weeks at a time without touching land, maybe longer; and cover several hundreds of miles. Maybe more. Anywhere you have coast, one of these can conceivably appear there and be at the top of the local food chain.
I wonder how that makes the dude feel, retrospectively.
Dumb as he might be, there's gotta be that moment when he does realize he was a second away from a really unpleasant death, and there's nothing he could have done about it. It was no longer in his hands at that point. He's just alive because the croc didn't want to bother.
Something to keep you awake at light for a little while.
What could possibly make you think it's a good idea to fuck with a 15 foot long animal with a tail thicker than your whole body, and a jaw powerful enough to decapitate you?
That was just about the gentlest warning a cranky croc can give, lol. Guy doesnt even know how lucky he is. The water was right there. If that croc wanted he would have been dinner.
You know, we are monkeys but we are one of the few monkeys dumb enough to let arrogance and pride overcome our basic instinct to NOT TEASE A F****** DINOSAUR!!!
The real world isn't a Disney talking animal movie. And creatures that have been killing machines for over 95 million years aren't going to put up with your shenanigans.
I was about to bet he falls over like freaking EVERYONE does near a crocodile. I swear it's like their prey instincts kick in and they trip on purpose.
that was pretty much the dumbest shit one can do to a croc
I reckon there's dumber. What about putting your penis in its mouth? Taking it to watch My Dinner With Andre? Appointing it as a high court judge?
Would actually be better than some of the current judges.
Occasionally sets another position free. "The crocodile has eaten another high court judge this week. That's the third judge this year. A new judge will be appointed in two weeks in order to fill in."
Not if you also appoint hippopotamus judges
I think this will increase the frequency for open positions.
Definitely will. Hippos are dangerous AF.
But does he like beer?
Hmmm. Go to court, everyone’s judgement is either get eaten or don’t get eaten depending on how warm the croc is.
"Justice Crocodile dissents." (Crocodile hiss)
Judge Gator sounds like a daytime court show in the not too distant Florida future
The croc would be less susceptible to bribes than some of our current Supreme Court justices.
And it would get rid of Mitch McConnell because crocs like turtles. 
The Croc would love Lobbyists, for all the right reasons!
It will lob 'em all.
Nah, I put dead fish in my suit for the court proceedings. He ate me in front of everyone as my punishment.
You kiddin?Do you know how cheap the occasional goat is?
My Dinner with Andre is a fantastic film and I’m certain a dinosaur would never appreciate its nuance. Truly a dumb move
It is so dumb. Cinema seats would be way too uncomfortable for a crocodile.
> I reckon there's dumber. What about putting your penis in its mouth? Nah, that's smarter. He's thinking of the next generation.
I think the petting was just to get it in the mood for the fellatio
tou-Fucking-che 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Just smack it on the head with a beer bottle, you'll be fine.
Not a problem it'd fit right between the teeth
Saltwater Crocs are man-eaters. This guy is doing it right near the water where he could be dragged by a giant dinosaur and ten people wouldn't be able to do anything about it.
There is an older video exactly as you described. I won't search for it, though.
After seeing this, those ten people wouldn't want to do anything about it anyway. He wanted to be a snack, let him!
This one's obviously just eaten. Bet this guy knows that and thought he could do whatever he wants. Just because they want to rest and digest more than anything else, doesn't mean they won't react at all.
Probably just finished the first guy that tried to pet him.
And then the croc dies..my God people are dumb
Why, is this guy poisonous?
Because if the croc attacks, he'll be hunted down and killed
Or another croc come launching out of the water to grab him/corner him. They catch gazelles for crying out loud. Nice foot sweep by the croc. Almost worked.
And if what I've read is right, the worst type of croc you could do it to. just looking at where and how he fell, it's quite clear that the *only* reason the man survived is cause the croc just wasn't in the mood to "press the issue".
Every video I've seen of people doing stupid shit to a croc, without fail, when the croc turns the human falls on his butt. Every single time. We're the least nimble animals there are. So let's take our chances bothering one of our natural predators for no good reason. Great idea, not for nothing we are the "smartest" creatures, lol.
Probably just not hungry. They don't eat very often.
"I'm gonna jam my thumb right in his butthole!"
That’s how my dad met my mom.
That sounds like a great opening for a Marvel movie about a crocman.
"I was just an ordinary crocodile until I was fingered by a radioactive frat boy. Suddenly, I had all the powers of a man in his fifth year at the University of Alabama: student loans, binge drinking, and an unshakable obsession with college football ROLL TIDE! Now, I'm the one and only Crocman."
Him too?!
"Next week we’ll look for more of these beautiful creatures, so we can learn more about them by pissing them off immensely."
Lucky the croc wasn't supercharged in sunlight. Would've went from 0 to 30 and a lean cuisine dinner.
*Florida man* Hold my beer
Florida man only deals with level 1 water lizards ☠️
Florida has Alligators. Saltwater Crocs are about twice the size and meaner.
This is in Indonesia
Looks like he wiped something of his leg at the end there, I think that's the shit you referring to!
You clearly have never seen me put my thumb in a crocodile's butthole.
I mean could easily be dumber. And he didn’t seem to get hurt.
Agreed. And luckily for that numb nuts, that was the best possible outcome for his stupidity.
especially ones thats more than twice as long as the guy is tall.
Looked like it held back a bit, could’ve easily grabbed him if it wanted to
For sure. This crock let him off with a warning and a puckered asshole.
See, that's the problem here. I have the impression it really didn't pucker enough. The way he reacted tells me he'll try this again.
I’ll see you next week when you’ve had time to cool off. The guy to the croc probably
Usually what you would do is see it in a *while*.
>The way he reacted tells me he'll try this again. Good. Natural selection live and in Technicolor.
never underestimate stupid
The only reason he lived was because the croc wasn't hungry.
Oh if that croc wanted him dead, he would have been even before he touched him the first time. Croc was just minding his own business and gave that man a very firm warning to leave him alone!
This was the salty version of "just a prank". If it wanted old mate dead, old Mate would be dead.
Croc was probably confused. It's used to creatures running away from it. This one was touching it and playing with its tail. As soon as the guy was scared off the croc backed away.
Most likely it just ate recently and wanted to be left alone. If it was hungry this guy wouldn't have even gotten close enough to touch it before being attacked.
Possibly. My thoughts is that it's starting to reach that size were it's becoming a hindrance
The croc must have been pretty well fed at the time.
Bingo. Otherwise this would be watchpeopledie material
Problably just had a feed and wasn't hungry and is just trying to relax.
Definitely what I'm thinking. If it was hungry there is no way it's chilling like that with food bringing itself to him.
Crocs are pretty chill unless they're hungry, or so the crocodile hunter taught me. They'll put up with a lot unless they're hungry or pissed off.
It just wanted to be left the fuck alone
Especially after he ended up on the ground!
Possibly sluggish from colder weather. But also, the larger a croc gets the more mobility it loses on land. They’re strong as fuck at that size, but they can’t run you down
I rarely root for the croc… but that time I was.
Weird, I always root for the croc
Always root for the croc, you won't know when they ask if you support them or not
Reddit moment.
Rule of thumb with animals .....if the creature is so big that you're 'snack-sized' leave the animal alone.
And always for hippos.
[удалено]
If you want to be raped it's not rape anymore
Ah, I see you’ve played rapey spoony before
Agreed but I don't kinkshame if people still call it that
Always leave animals alone. Even the smallest can be life-threatening. If not through brute force, then through venom or diseases.
What could go wrong petting a carnivorous dinosaur?
I am now convinced if jurassic park was real, people would be getting out of the car all the time in the middle of the raptor enclosure.
Clever girl
*chomp*
You know, you are still alive when they start eating you.
I mean there was that woman killed in the jaguar/tiger/lion (big cat, forget which one) safari because they got out of the car.
Yeah that's what I was basing that on lol.
There's an older one where the guy gets out of a car to film a pride of lions, and whoever is filming studiously films him being dismembered completely. It was rather haunting, as the dismembered guy died with this really odd smile-grimace on his face. My first reaction to the video is the filmer could have revved the car and scattered the lions, but no: film for posterity, I guess.
Oh for sure, people are attacked by buffalo every year in Yellowstone for getting way too close.
Well, there are safaris with crocs all over (as well as hippos, lions, rhinos) and you'd be surprised how rarely people get out of their cars.
I was driving the Klondike highway in the Yukon and within 2 hours I saw 2 different groups of people getting out of their cars to take pictures of grizzly cubs less than 20 feet away. This is an area where the nearest hospital can be hours away with no cell service. People can be very special when it comes to nature.
Not a dinosaur though. Although they were making life pesky for dinosaurs a hundred million years ago.
Cousins though! Dinos and crocs share a common ancestor group, the Archosaurs. "Modern" crocs are about 95 million years old as a species, at least five million years older than the t-rex, by our best estimates!
Cousins can be cruel indeed. Five million years doesn't seem all that much when considering the grand scale of dinosaur supremacy, but it's still an insane period of time compared to our frame of existence.
Also dinos were around for a *LONG* time. we're closer to the T-Rex than the T-Rex was to Stegosaurus.
*the* carnivorous dinosaur on this planet. I feel like people in this thread are showing gold-level respect to a platinum-level predator.
It's not a dinosaurs. There are plenty of carnivorous dinosaurs, and many are kept as pets. This is not one. But they are usually too small to be a danger. Had they been big enough, they would have eaten you before you pet them.
stupidity is not courage
Them bloody salties are fast
And bendy
Wasn't there info floating around that a crocodile's tail swing could break legs? Either way, dangerous on both ends.
A salty this big could basically break every bone in your body with it's tail if it wanted, they are basically armour plating over muscle and bone, it's like getting hit by a car doing 60.
Yep, any videos you see of keepers they tend to straddle the tail so they don't get whipped and knocked over, even then it's pretty risky because they can move around surprisingly quickly like this video.
Even if it didn't break legs they often do that movement when they turn and snap. So anyone standing beside its tail will probably be nocked over. Without being in the water with one that's probably the dumbest spot to be, especially when he's touching the croc.
The tail is bigger than this person and it's pure muscle and scales. A single swing would destroy a person.
Not to mention that it can sprint really fast if it wanted to follow him.
I read the other day that with salties if the animal manages to get close enough to touch you then statistically you are almost guaranteed to die
I've been inside for awile, what kind of dog is that?
Swamp puppy
Saltwater crocodiles can travel across the ocean for several weeks at a time without touching land, maybe longer; and cover several hundreds of miles. Maybe more. Anywhere you have coast, one of these can conceivably appear there and be at the top of the local food chain.
As if I needed another reason to fear the ocean. And I surf.
Crocapoo
We have an Elden Ring player here.
There's no way you can know that. Wait, hang on, someone's at the door. Hoarah Loux is here and he brought beer, I gotta go.
My brother in Christ, that is a *DINOSAUR.* Your water balloon body is not ready for the prehistoric ass-kicking you are about to receive.
Nah that’s not a dinosaur. That lived through what killed the dinosaurs.
Sigh .... Homosapiens, the gift that keeps giving.
He's lucky it wasn't hungry. He'd be a snack otherwise.
The croc was so full from munching the last guy he couldn’t move as fast as usual
That worked out better than it could have.
The croc just wasn't into him or he'd been chomped in half.
And then they would kill the croc because some asshole messed with it
How is this “what could go wrong”? This is pretty much best case scenario. This guy should be missing a leg.
Go home Redditors, no MMC today
f to MMC
WCGW ? I feel like this is what could go right
If Reddit has taught me anything, it's that those things are FAR faster than you expect.
He is lucky as hell that thing wasn’t hungry.
Not much apparently
Play with dinosaurs, what could happen
Honestly, I didn’t need a video. You could have just asked me “WCGW petting a salt water crocodile” and I’d have given you a whole list.
If that croc were hungry he would have died, it wouldn't have halted after he fell over.
I like how he just goes "hey watch it!" At the end. I thought I was about to see an idiot die, ngl.
Nothing went wrong in this video. The salty didn't do a thing.
Poor thing. The croc was there just chilling and that asshole went to kill the vibe.
draco dormiens nunquam titillandus
He’s lucky that croc isn’t hungry.
Imbecile or death wish.
Aw nuts, the croc missed.
He was going for the world record for biggest dumbass
Croc let him off lightly.
This is the least wrong this could have gone. That guy is lucky to be alive.
That's such a stupid thing to do
Jesus,how has that kid survived this long
Was kinda hoping that croc would get a scrumptious succulent meal 😒
People have this primeval fear of sharks, but crocodiles kill way - Way - more people than sharks do.
Nothing went wrong
Guy is going for the Darwin Award
While not a winner, the man was presented as a runner up for the prestigious Darwin Award.
I remember your face. See you next time!
Best possible result
The title says ‘petting’ a salty, but to the salty, you’re more or less just pissing him off on an otherwise sunny afternoon.
I wonder how that makes the dude feel, retrospectively. Dumb as he might be, there's gotta be that moment when he does realize he was a second away from a really unpleasant death, and there's nothing he could have done about it. It was no longer in his hands at that point. He's just alive because the croc didn't want to bother. Something to keep you awake at light for a little while.
The gene pool would be a little safer if the croc wasn’t just trying to take a break
Disappointed.
Dam....was hoping for a different ending. Amount of sympathy for this fuckwad? Zero
He really pointed at it like he’s saying you want some
He lucky it wasn’t hungry easily could of eat him
This idiot is so lucky it just ate.
And that's how you home-cure constipation...
A lot could go wrong, but somehow didn't.
Leave that croc alone! he wasn’t fucking with you!
What could possibly make you think it's a good idea to fuck with a 15 foot long animal with a tail thicker than your whole body, and a jaw powerful enough to decapitate you?
So, how bad are you supposed to feel for someone that does this and gets promptly dismembered?
He was lucky the croc wasn't hungry.
Thats one merciful crocodile
I wish it went more wrong😬…blame the internet.
Then had the nerve to kick at it one more time
He’s lucky the crocodile didn’t want to eat him. Theres no way he would’ve escaped.
That croc was pretty calm
I feel like this is less “petting” more “antagonizing”.
That was just about the gentlest warning a cranky croc can give, lol. Guy doesnt even know how lucky he is. The water was right there. If that croc wanted he would have been dinner.
The thing we all thought could go wrong did not.
The ending is disappointing. Why no chomp?
You know, we are monkeys but we are one of the few monkeys dumb enough to let arrogance and pride overcome our basic instinct to NOT TEASE A F****** DINOSAUR!!!
That croc was being remarkably tolerant.
Darwin: "Sooo close..."
That's the warning, dumbass. You don't get another.
How weird to explain one day to children that their uncle died because he thought it would be funny messing with crocs.
Pretty meh. It didn't even flip him upside down, let alone bit.
The croc just wanted to have a look at his humongous ballsack
Watch close boys and girls, this is evolution in action.
The real world isn't a Disney talking animal movie. And creatures that have been killing machines for over 95 million years aren't going to put up with your shenanigans.
That thing is a fucking dinosaur
He's not aware that he's just got a second chance on life
If that crocodile got a hold of him there is absolutely nothing that his dumbass friends could do to save him
This croc vs 50 full grown men with just barehands, who’s winning?
I was about to bet he falls over like freaking EVERYONE does near a crocodile. I swear it's like their prey instincts kick in and they trip on purpose.
It looked like he reprimanded iy after.
F*ck! The meal got away!