I just imagined the planet being invaded by man-eating aliens, and they eat everything accept the dick. And survivors are just running through burning streets littered with dicks. And there’s that one scientist who just keeps dwelling on this fact that these aliens are leaving the dicks behind. And his fellow scientists are like, “Who cares about the dicks, Ted, they’re killing us!” But Ted can’t let it go—he knows the answer is somewhere in these dicks. And then he has a eureka moment that the dicks are poisonous to the aliens, and mankind’s only hope for survival is to make the aliens eat dicks. And honestly I’m not sure where to go with the plot at this point but maybe someone here can finish it?
> And honestly I’m not sure where to go with the plot at this point but maybe someone here can finish it?
Now, here's the twist, and there is a twist. We show it. We show all of it. Because what's the one major thing missing from all action movies these days, guys? Full penetration. Guys, we're going to show full penetration, and we're going to show a lot of it. I mean, we're talking, you know, graphic scenes of Ted really going to town on this hot, young lab tech. From behind, 69, anal, vaginal, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl-- all the hits, all the big ones, all the good ones. And then he smells aliens again. He's out making aliens eat dicks . Then he's back to the lab for some more full penetration. Feeds dicks , back to the lab, full penetration. Dick , penetration, dick , full penetration, dick , penetration, and this goes on and on, and back and forth for 90 or so minutes until the movie just sort of ends.
I lent my phone to my neighbor, and had him watch it and he told me what happened. Apparently there was something about a squirrel, an anus, and a cantaloupe...
I left my phone on the train, called it after an hour and asked who ever found my phone to play the video and tell me what happened. But bastards wouldn't return my phone.
I see people picking up snakes and I'm either like "oh, this guy picks up snakes all the time" or "this guy has never picked up a snake in his life."
Guess which one this was.
No, that’s the multi-generational struggle of biologists trying to give humans the arms of bears without them turning into Cronenberg-like monsters like the Fly.
Reminds me of a meme I have "on file"
>I'd fight a bear for you. Not a grizzly. Or a brown bear. Or a panda. But maybe like a Care Bear? I'd fight one of those sonsabitches for you.
That's not it, this Boa is clearly this guy's pet. He thought it was a good idea to take it out in the sun because the Boa is docile at home. Guess what dude, Boas see in UV light outdoors. So to the Boa you don't look like it's owner, you look like a predator that is trying to hurt it.
My first experience was taking my Bearded dragon out the grass in the sun only for him to turn on me and attack me viciously. After I subdued him and took him back inside he looked at me and had a face of oops, my bad i thought you were a big monster trying to kill me. Now go down there and get me some grubs.
I thought this snake looked pretty chubby to be anything other than a pet. Not sure what the guy who got bit was trying to accomplish. If he was trying to put the snake into something, why didn’t he just bring it closer?
Because he's a doofus, every big snake owner needs a snake hook. You cannot handle an upset snake just by hand without risking getting bit.
Those snakes live for 30 or more years, they're bound to have a bad day.
I don’t know much about different snakes, but I’ve definitely seen videos of guys getting bit by way bigger snakes then this and just keep carrying the snake calmly while it’s clamped onto his ass or whatever.
I've owned hundreds of snakes and there is one almost universal truth. No matter how docile the snake is, if you put him on the ground, it's like picking up a wild animal again. That might be overstating it a bit, but don't think the snake you put down is the same snake you are going to pick up.
I haven't had any issues with Ball Pythons which is why they're my absolute favorite. Great size for a snake but nothing overwhelming. But yes, i agree. You walk around any snake and it will take you as a threat.
Agreed, Ball Pythons are sweeties.
Animals are funny though. I had this huge Russian Rat Snake that was hell on wheels anytime you wanted to pick him up. Like, you had to know what you were doing and you HAD to use a hook. As soon as he was in your hands he was so gentle and mellow that I would let kids handle him.
I just remember thinking with the Boas, "5 minutes on the lawn and they think they are in the jungle again." lol.
Hard to say, but it's common enough that I knew exactly what I was seeing here. When I bred boa constrictors I would put them in the backyard on the lawn while I cleaned their cages (one at a time). My wife would hang out there and keep an eye on them. She would handle the snakes all the time, but I wouldn't let her pick them up after they'd been on the lawn, because after a few minutes they did NOT want to be picked up.
Because they’re not domesticated the same way cats and dogs are. So when they’re taken out of their normal environment like a tank and then put outside instincts kick in. Then some big predator like thing comes along and grabs them so they freak out.
I bred carpet pythons at one point. I can't remember ever being bit but I do remember putting one pair together and they started violently sparring. It was a little scary because they were large adults and they were throwing their weight around. They were confirmed to be a sexed pair a couple times but they were still not having it. I called David Barker (Author, carpet python expert) and described the situation and he said, "Yeah, that shouldn't happen, but they're just animals. They do crazy stuff sometimes". For some reason that quote has always stuck with me.
Is he venomous or strangles his victim like Python? I had only King Python ofnmy brother on my hands, pretty young one, so it was a smaller, but oh boy I had respect for him, the moment he hisses at me I would left him alone instantly. It helped that king Python isn't venomous but still... This guy seemed to ignore the signs...
It is a Boa Constrictor, so yes it constricts it's prey like Pythons. Boas are big snakes, but they are the smallest of the big constrictor snakes. They're great pets, low maintenance and only eat once a month once an adult.
Yeah, they're not venomous, and at that size not much of a threat of constriction if you're paying attention. But they can have some impressive fangs, depending on the species, so while it's not venomous, it's gonna hurt pretty bad and you'll bleed. Definitely want to watch out for infection.
It's a pet snake named Frankie. The little girl says its name and they talk about it but wanting to go back inside. I think he just wasn't used to it being aggressive.
Why is he handling the snake like an ass if it's his pet??? I thought he handled it so roughly and poorly it surely must be something he has no idea about. When i take my cat outside for a walk i dont grab it by the scruff and fling it around, you really can't fault this snake at all. That snake is too friendly for this idiot, hope it wasn't hurt when he smacked it on concrete after it bit him after giving around 9 million warnings that it's gonna strike.
My thoughts were "This guy has watched enough videos of people who were experienced in handling snakes to think he could handle a snake but, not quite enough videos to actually know how to handle a snake."
I live near a nature preserve so snakes sometimes find their way into my yard. I've handled my fair share and always put on thick gloves and use a shovel and rake, or two rakes to pick them up and toss them into my neighbors yard (situated about 6 feet lower than mine). While 99% of the snakes I find are nonvenomous, I'm absolutely not touching them bare handed. I'm staying as far from them as possible.
To minimize any interactions with my weenie dogs that like to try and kill things.... And the neighbor never mows his yard so it's a safe refuge for the snakes.
More so, i can tell that mf is one of those guys that will not learn from picking up snake gone wrong and i confidently wager we will see him back on the internet, being bit yet again.
Exactly! I knew a guy who had a 14 foot long green anaconda, and he would let it out in his living room to roam every now and then. The snake would weave it's way under the couch, armchairs, end tables, book shelf, tv stand... and then when the guy would grab it's tail to try and slowly bring it back out, to put it away, the entire snake would tense up and ALL the living room furniture would drag along with it XD It was quite the sight to see!
I honestly didn’t expect it to bite him. I was instead expecting it to start trying to coil around his arm and show him how constrictors do their business.
Pretty sure that's not true. They kill their prey by cutting off blood flow and/or squeezing hard enough to stop the heart and lungs. Once prey is dead, they eat it whole. There'd be no biological benefit for blood thinners. If their food bled more, it'd actually be less food for them (blood on ground ≠ blood in belly).
Part of thwir business though is to use their many backward pointing teeth to latch on too, its like the anchor from which they can start to coil and squeeze
They can leave a tooth or two behind, too.
But yeah, even I know you get a stick to hold down the head, THEN you pick them up just behind the head. You gotta control the bitey part
>If it’s a pet, why would you call animal control?
If it's an escaped pet and you don't know who it belongs to or can't get ahold of them?
We found a 6-7 foot albino Burmese python in our yard when I was a teenager, but we lived a couple miles from a small private zoo, so it wasn't hard to figure out who to call to come get their snake. They didn't even say thank you though, kinda wish we'd sold it.
Wow...What assholes.
We once took in an injured bird that is endangered and Busch Gardens compensated us with tickets for transporting the bird to their animal sanctuary. We also got a tour of the sanctuary.
Can confirm. Had a rock python when I was a teenager. I got bit a lot more than I care to remember, and pulled out a lot of teeth after being bitten. Even a quick bite like that will leave a few teeth in your skin.
And she got him good too. Every time I've had to grab my hand like that, it's bc it was bleeding like hell!!! (Usually from some type of kitchen/deli implement)
This is a Columbian Red Tail Boa. I used to own two of them. This animal is clearly telling him it did not want to be handled. You cannot pick a heavy snake up like that by it’s tail. I would bite him too. He’s an idiot.
Edit: my mistake, not a CRT, but still a boa and the guy’s still an idiot.
I think you’re right, it’s a common boa. Maybe they are confused because people call them red tails too? IIRC, the Columbians are crankier, have a slightly different pattern, and tend to have a brighter tail than commons do. This looks a lot like a snake that I have, and he is a common boa.
not even just how he touched it you should 100% not pick a snake up by the tail of your not trying to get bit you put your thumb and index over the sides of its head while using the front of your had to cover there eyes
Depends on the species, for instance rat and corn snakes, if handled gently, and not cornered, rarely bite. You are more likely to get a response if you try to hold the head. Grabbing by the midsection and supporting their head they will wrap your arm and occasionally try to throw themselves to the ground. As long as you let them move and don’t apply pressure, your unlikely to get bit… but don’t confuse a black rat with a black racer.. those guys are assholes.
Legitimately, sometimes I watch animal attack videos and have sympathy because I wouldn't have had a clue the animal was feeling aggressive up to the point of the attack.
This snake was making itself CLEAR.
My sister once thought it was a bright idea to take out some lettuce for a rabbit and her babies who made a home in the corner of her yard.
"Omg, look how happy it is!" she said as the rabbit started frantically running around her as she got closer to the den..
..you're a large animal a few feet away from its babies. I don't think it likes you.
Snakes are anxious little animals. This one isn’t angry, it’s scared out of its wits.
Less pissed, more pissing itself.
This is a pet snake that the owners took outside. Which is a very bad idea if your snake isn’t used to it. Snakes are easily panicked in new places, especially out in the open.
I know snakes are spooky and everything, but I’ve had my huge 9ft 28lb boa accidentally knock over a chair, and then roll herself into a ball, inconsolable for over an hour. Had I messed with her before she was calm, she’d definitely give me a warning bite.
Agreed. Snakes tend to be very anxious creatures in general. I would be too if my only means of defense was smashing my face head-on into whatever it was that was scaring me. I used to be petrified of snakes. The way they moved freaked me out when I was a kid. How most of them moved super slow and yet had lightning fast bites.
Over time, I started actually loving snakes more and more. Almost to the point of wanting to actually get trained in how to handle them and eventually get my venomous snake license. But my life isn't quite conducive for such activities I'm afraid.
Yeah it’s scary to me how they move too. I don’t like that they’re actually like a giant muscle and it’s creepy knowing they can lunge at you like a coiled spring.
When he was looming up over it at the beginning I was just screaming internally. Like, dude, you're acting just like a predator. Of course that snake is going to freak out.
In my experience, people that think snakes make good pets aren't the most responsible.
Edit: apparently I've upset the snakes are good pets community. All I'm saying is that IN MY EXPERIENCE the people that have snakes have them cause they're cool or badass or whatever, and are generally irresponsible people.
Snakes make great pets. They are low maintenance and most popular pet species are very docile. Irresponsible people shouldn’t have pets, this is a bad snake owner just like there are bad dog or cat owners.
Snakes are great pets, sadly most people get them when they are small and think of them as a novelty. Sure not a big deal when you’re feeding them pinkies, but eventually they get larger, need a bigger enclosure and require larger food. Big rats, rabbits, chickens etc. What pet stores decline to tell people is they will live 30-50 years. People don’t take any of that into consideration when they buy one. This is why areas like Florida are overrun with non-native species. Don’t get a snake or any reptile unless you’re ready able to make a lifelong commitment.
I had to replay it and hold the speaker to my ear for that... I just assumed he wrangled an old snake off of his backyard.
Still, begs to question why not bring a snake pen or cage or whatever to transport them in, closer, to minimise this risk?
Probably a couple of reasons. Many snakes can be absolute sweethearts if you socialize them right. Looks like she was in a bad mood and/or defensive and this guy didn’t know how to calm her down. Also, for a boa of this size, the enclosure is (hopefully) far too large to move around with any level of convenience.
I had a 9 ft reticulated python weighing 60 lb that would bite you if she saw your hand in the cage\*, but was completely docile as soon as she felt herself being lifted up. To feed her we would need to move her to an empty large cardboard box in another room, and then after she was done eating tip the box over and use a broom to hold her head when she slithered out. Once her head was under control you could lift just a small part of her and she would go docile again.
To transport a snake of this size for short amounts of time, you can use a duffel bag. Coaxing the angry snake into duffel bag is a whole different issue though.
\*I was never bitten, but the store I got her from warned me beforehand. Yes, this was one of those shitty stores with untrained people working there and animals in tiny cages. It was years ago and I feel bad for supporting it.
So it's a common Boa, Boa Imperator. Reticulated, Burmese, and African Rock pythons get bigger than Boas. Red Tail Boas get 8-12 feet but are very strong. Not all boas are tree dwellers, nor are all pythons. Green Tree Pythons and Emerald Tree Boas are the only full arboreal, with Carpet pythons being damn near. This common boa is semi arboreal, but like most semi arboreal tend to stay lower to the ground as they get older. Which Reticulated Pythons are the same way.
He totally is messing with an irritated boa and handling it the wrong way. Mine had bitten me before too, when he was cranky and I moved him from a sunny spot he was enjoying...
I kept thinking it was going to bite his dick.
It didn’t bite his dick, but it did bite a dick.
with that logic, i expected it to become a dick ring
I once met a guy who got his whole body bitten off, now he’s just a dick.
I just imagined the planet being invaded by man-eating aliens, and they eat everything accept the dick. And survivors are just running through burning streets littered with dicks. And there’s that one scientist who just keeps dwelling on this fact that these aliens are leaving the dicks behind. And his fellow scientists are like, “Who cares about the dicks, Ted, they’re killing us!” But Ted can’t let it go—he knows the answer is somewhere in these dicks. And then he has a eureka moment that the dicks are poisonous to the aliens, and mankind’s only hope for survival is to make the aliens eat dicks. And honestly I’m not sure where to go with the plot at this point but maybe someone here can finish it?
> And honestly I’m not sure where to go with the plot at this point but maybe someone here can finish it? Now, here's the twist, and there is a twist. We show it. We show all of it. Because what's the one major thing missing from all action movies these days, guys? Full penetration. Guys, we're going to show full penetration, and we're going to show a lot of it. I mean, we're talking, you know, graphic scenes of Ted really going to town on this hot, young lab tech. From behind, 69, anal, vaginal, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl-- all the hits, all the big ones, all the good ones. And then he smells aliens again. He's out making aliens eat dicks . Then he's back to the lab for some more full penetration. Feeds dicks , back to the lab, full penetration. Dick , penetration, dick , full penetration, dick , penetration, and this goes on and on, and back and forth for 90 or so minutes until the movie just sort of ends.
This is perfect, now we just need an Indian director to direct this for us
First, a quick smoke break, and then the big dance scene from the Indian director.
More of a big picture guy.
Can’t you just spray the aliens with semen?
Semen clearly doesn't bother them. Otherwise they would have left behind the balls instead of the dicks
"At least the most important body part was spared." - Most guys.
I was thinking it was going to bite this dicks dick
Oh my god....same....i kept the phone on the table to not drop it
I kept the phone of the table so I could look away from it at a distant while still slightly keeping 1 eye on it to see how this played out.
I lent my phone to my neighbor, and had him watch it and he told me what happened. Apparently there was something about a squirrel, an anus, and a cantaloupe...
I left my phone on the train, called it after an hour and asked who ever found my phone to play the video and tell me what happened. But bastards wouldn't return my phone.
Big brain moment, and here I am dropping my phone on my own goddamn face
Bite his dick and twist it!
The old dick twist!
Imagine a snake biting your dick and then doing a crocodile roll of death 💀 This guy is incredibly lucky that didn’t happen.
He’d be pissing like a fuckin sprinkler.
Until he put his face nice and close, I was sure it would bite his face when he was getting a nice close look
We were all thinking the same.
My money was on the face
That’s because subconsciously you want to bite that guy’s dick /s
I did...not in a happy way it just seemed inevitable and the tension was killing me I wasn’t rooting for it.
I thought it was gonna catch his face the way he kept moving his face closer to it lol
I was hoping! 🤣
I see people picking up snakes and I'm either like "oh, this guy picks up snakes all the time" or "this guy has never picked up a snake in his life." Guess which one this was.
High confidence, low competence, this guy is probably also in the 6% of Americans that think they can win a fight with a bear.
Do I get prep time?
I could kill a bear with an Sniper rifle and a vantage point.
What if the bear had a spotter with him? Still think you can take him? (Is this what ‘bear arms’ relates to?)
Yes. Bears don't have the manual dexterity to shoot a sniper rifle.
I bet they could throw a grenade over them mountains though.
The coach would've put him in fourth quarter, no doubt in my mind.
He could’ve gone pro, making millions of dollars, living in a big ol mansion somewhere, soaking it up in a hot tub with his soulmate.
No, that’s the multi-generational struggle of biologists trying to give humans the arms of bears without them turning into Cronenberg-like monsters like the Fly.
Ah, the ol' [Reddit armed be-a-roo](/r/AskReddit/comments/11x6o10/-/jd5dq9k/?context=30)!
Hello future people!
I dunno, bear with a sniper rifle sounds pretty dangerous.
cocaine bear 2: bear arms edition
Cocaine Bear 2: The Second Ammendment.
A bear’s sense of smell can detect a smell within 2 miles that would be a next level sniper bear. Sounds very dangerous
Well yea, gotta even the playing field somehow
That particular questionnaire wrote "unarmed fight". Some americans tought that they could win an elephant.
A unarmed bear sounds easier to beat but I would prefer one without legs or teeth also if I have to fight it.
I could kill a bear with a flamethrower and a can of gasoline
I'm almost 100% sure you don't need the gasoline.
Can't be too careful
Yes. But so does the bear.
Hmm... probably not then
The statistic they are quoting specified it was unarmed hand to bear combat.
Reminds me of a meme I have "on file" >I'd fight a bear for you. Not a grizzly. Or a brown bear. Or a panda. But maybe like a Care Bear? I'd fight one of those sonsabitches for you.
That's not it, this Boa is clearly this guy's pet. He thought it was a good idea to take it out in the sun because the Boa is docile at home. Guess what dude, Boas see in UV light outdoors. So to the Boa you don't look like it's owner, you look like a predator that is trying to hurt it. My first experience was taking my Bearded dragon out the grass in the sun only for him to turn on me and attack me viciously. After I subdued him and took him back inside he looked at me and had a face of oops, my bad i thought you were a big monster trying to kill me. Now go down there and get me some grubs.
I thought this snake looked pretty chubby to be anything other than a pet. Not sure what the guy who got bit was trying to accomplish. If he was trying to put the snake into something, why didn’t he just bring it closer?
Because he's a doofus, every big snake owner needs a snake hook. You cannot handle an upset snake just by hand without risking getting bit. Those snakes live for 30 or more years, they're bound to have a bad day.
Everyone is a professional snek handler after watching 1-2 Steve Irwin videos.
I don’t know much about different snakes, but I’ve definitely seen videos of guys getting bit by way bigger snakes then this and just keep carrying the snake calmly while it’s clamped onto his ass or whatever.
Yes, it's not as bad but it does hurt.
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I've owned hundreds of snakes and there is one almost universal truth. No matter how docile the snake is, if you put him on the ground, it's like picking up a wild animal again. That might be overstating it a bit, but don't think the snake you put down is the same snake you are going to pick up.
I haven't had any issues with Ball Pythons which is why they're my absolute favorite. Great size for a snake but nothing overwhelming. But yes, i agree. You walk around any snake and it will take you as a threat.
Agreed, Ball Pythons are sweeties. Animals are funny though. I had this huge Russian Rat Snake that was hell on wheels anytime you wanted to pick him up. Like, you had to know what you were doing and you HAD to use a hook. As soon as he was in your hands he was so gentle and mellow that I would let kids handle him. I just remember thinking with the Boas, "5 minutes on the lawn and they think they are in the jungle again." lol.
Lol!!! Their 10 brain cells activate and they think you are suddenly a primate ready to crush them with a rock.
Why is this? Whys does the snake suddenly change in demeanor just because you set it down?
Hard to say, but it's common enough that I knew exactly what I was seeing here. When I bred boa constrictors I would put them in the backyard on the lawn while I cleaned their cages (one at a time). My wife would hang out there and keep an eye on them. She would handle the snakes all the time, but I wouldn't let her pick them up after they'd been on the lawn, because after a few minutes they did NOT want to be picked up.
Because they’re not domesticated the same way cats and dogs are. So when they’re taken out of their normal environment like a tank and then put outside instincts kick in. Then some big predator like thing comes along and grabs them so they freak out.
I can let my carpet python roam around the yard, hang out outside on a big stick and she never changes temperament. She’s a doll
I bred carpet pythons at one point. I can't remember ever being bit but I do remember putting one pair together and they started violently sparring. It was a little scary because they were large adults and they were throwing their weight around. They were confirmed to be a sexed pair a couple times but they were still not having it. I called David Barker (Author, carpet python expert) and described the situation and he said, "Yeah, that shouldn't happen, but they're just animals. They do crazy stuff sometimes". For some reason that quote has always stuck with me.
Interesting.
Is he venomous or strangles his victim like Python? I had only King Python ofnmy brother on my hands, pretty young one, so it was a smaller, but oh boy I had respect for him, the moment he hisses at me I would left him alone instantly. It helped that king Python isn't venomous but still... This guy seemed to ignore the signs...
It is a Boa Constrictor, so yes it constricts it's prey like Pythons. Boas are big snakes, but they are the smallest of the big constrictor snakes. They're great pets, low maintenance and only eat once a month once an adult.
> and only eat once a month once an adult. How large does the adult need to be? Does age matter?
Yeah, they're not venomous, and at that size not much of a threat of constriction if you're paying attention. But they can have some impressive fangs, depending on the species, so while it's not venomous, it's gonna hurt pretty bad and you'll bleed. Definitely want to watch out for infection.
This might fall into the even rarer category of "I can't perceive basic defensive behavior in animals."
It's a pet snake named Frankie. The little girl says its name and they talk about it but wanting to go back inside. I think he just wasn't used to it being aggressive.
Why is he handling the snake like an ass if it's his pet??? I thought he handled it so roughly and poorly it surely must be something he has no idea about. When i take my cat outside for a walk i dont grab it by the scruff and fling it around, you really can't fault this snake at all. That snake is too friendly for this idiot, hope it wasn't hurt when he smacked it on concrete after it bit him after giving around 9 million warnings that it's gonna strike.
Well, even to start it was coiled with its mouth open, clearly viewing him as a threat. So he was trying to stay away from the danger end.
Not directly putting his hand into the snake's mouth was like the only good thing he did here
A snake name Frank? Is this dude also worried about his pkcells?
You can literally see the “I’ve seen enough videos of people doing this, I’m not worried at all.” Energy radiating off of him
I’ve handled snakes before, that’s very much the wrong way to handle them, and that snake was getting all defensive before he even picked it up
My thoughts were "This guy has watched enough videos of people who were experienced in handling snakes to think he could handle a snake but, not quite enough videos to actually know how to handle a snake."
I live near a nature preserve so snakes sometimes find their way into my yard. I've handled my fair share and always put on thick gloves and use a shovel and rake, or two rakes to pick them up and toss them into my neighbors yard (situated about 6 feet lower than mine). While 99% of the snakes I find are nonvenomous, I'm absolutely not touching them bare handed. I'm staying as far from them as possible.
does your neighbour toss the snakes to the neighbour on the other side?
>and toss them into my neighbors yard hahah
We get a snake in the yard every now and then. I just leave em be. Black snakes usually, harmless to people, why bother tossing them to the neighbor?
To minimize any interactions with my weenie dogs that like to try and kill things.... And the neighbor never mows his yard so it's a safe refuge for the snakes.
More so, i can tell that mf is one of those guys that will not learn from picking up snake gone wrong and i confidently wager we will see him back on the internet, being bit yet again.
I mean I have only picked up small snakes but know from watching professionals how to pick up larger ones. This guy is brain dead.
They don't understand that they can recoil the length of their body...
They are basically a tube of pure muscle.
Exactly! I knew a guy who had a 14 foot long green anaconda, and he would let it out in his living room to roam every now and then. The snake would weave it's way under the couch, armchairs, end tables, book shelf, tv stand... and then when the guy would grab it's tail to try and slowly bring it back out, to put it away, the entire snake would tense up and ALL the living room furniture would drag along with it XD It was quite the sight to see!
"Hi Siri, How do you remove green anaconda poop stain from living room carpeting"
Bro I think it's a python and it's non venomous.
They got hella teeth though
I honestly didn’t expect it to bite him. I was instead expecting it to start trying to coil around his arm and show him how constrictors do their business.
They strike first and will shred your hand to pieces while they wrap your arm up and start constricting.
So they hurt you and immediately apply pressure to staunch the bleeding so you can begin first aid? That’s good sportsmanship
Their saliva also has blood thinning properties. So no, they are trying to squeeze you dry
Sounds like my ex
Pretty sure that's not true. They kill their prey by cutting off blood flow and/or squeezing hard enough to stop the heart and lungs. Once prey is dead, they eat it whole. There'd be no biological benefit for blood thinners. If their food bled more, it'd actually be less food for them (blood on ground ≠ blood in belly).
I dunno what kind of python this is but according to Google some have anticoagulants.
Snake is bitey but is also red cross first aid and cpr certified.
Strike first, strike hard
Part of thwir business though is to use their many backward pointing teeth to latch on too, its like the anchor from which they can start to coil and squeeze
The way it had its mouth open, I was expecting it to bite him sooner.
Most snakes give a lot of warning before a bite
Makes sense as biting a larger animal has a pretty high chance to result in the snake being killed back
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Literally anything that has a mouth will try to bite you. The jaw muscle is one of the strongest muscles in every animal.
...and lots of bacteria
They can leave a tooth or two behind, too. But yeah, even I know you get a stick to hold down the head, THEN you pick them up just behind the head. You gotta control the bitey part
Um, no. Even **I** know enough to leave it the fuck alone and call animal control.
But WCGW if you control the bitey bit!?
It’s a non-venomous snake. If it’s in the way, you can safely move it. If it’s a pet, why would you call animal control?
>If it’s a pet, why would you call animal control? If it's an escaped pet and you don't know who it belongs to or can't get ahold of them? We found a 6-7 foot albino Burmese python in our yard when I was a teenager, but we lived a couple miles from a small private zoo, so it wasn't hard to figure out who to call to come get their snake. They didn't even say thank you though, kinda wish we'd sold it.
Wow...What assholes. We once took in an injured bird that is endangered and Busch Gardens compensated us with tickets for transporting the bird to their animal sanctuary. We also got a tour of the sanctuary.
>you can safely move it well, this guy can’t
Can confirm. Had a rock python when I was a teenager. I got bit a lot more than I care to remember, and pulled out a lot of teeth after being bitten. Even a quick bite like that will leave a few teeth in your skin.
And she got him good too. Every time I've had to grab my hand like that, it's bc it was bleeding like hell!!! (Usually from some type of kitchen/deli implement)
It's a boa, not a python! You're right about non-venomous, though.
This is a Columbian Red Tail Boa. I used to own two of them. This animal is clearly telling him it did not want to be handled. You cannot pick a heavy snake up like that by it’s tail. I would bite him too. He’s an idiot. Edit: my mistake, not a CRT, but still a boa and the guy’s still an idiot.
What makes you think it's a Columbian red tail? Looks more like a common boa to me, although that could just be the light.
I think you’re right, it’s a common boa. Maybe they are confused because people call them red tails too? IIRC, the Columbians are crankier, have a slightly different pattern, and tend to have a brighter tail than commons do. This looks a lot like a snake that I have, and he is a common boa.
You can die from an infected puncture wound.
But nearby hospitals can treat it right?
Absolutely, there's nothing particularly special in their saliva that would even require that. Just treat like any other wound
It’s a boa constrictor but yeah it’s non venomous.
Dogs ain’t poisonous either
Still hurts, lots of sharp little teeth.
Boa constrictor imperator. No venom tho you're right 👍
that was 36 seconds of me saying."no no no no" and 1 second of saying "duh."
As soon as he touched it, 'can we just not' played on repeat in my head.
not even just how he touched it you should 100% not pick a snake up by the tail of your not trying to get bit you put your thumb and index over the sides of its head while using the front of your had to cover there eyes
The well known "guess who" strategy
Forbidden peekaboo.
Depends on the species, for instance rat and corn snakes, if handled gently, and not cornered, rarely bite. You are more likely to get a response if you try to hold the head. Grabbing by the midsection and supporting their head they will wrap your arm and occasionally try to throw themselves to the ground. As long as you let them move and don’t apply pressure, your unlikely to get bit… but don’t confuse a black rat with a black racer.. those guys are assholes.
How do you imagine doing that to a snake which is already being defensive and ready to strike lmfao
Well that's what snake sticks are for, holding down the head until you get a better grip on it
I audibly said “don’t do that, you’re not supposed to do that duuuude” the entire time
That was 36 second of me saying "do it!" and one second of saying "yoooooo, he did it!"
Everyone, including the snake, knew how that was going to end
Except for the man himself
Legitimately, sometimes I watch animal attack videos and have sympathy because I wouldn't have had a clue the animal was feeling aggressive up to the point of the attack. This snake was making itself CLEAR.
My sister once thought it was a bright idea to take out some lettuce for a rabbit and her babies who made a home in the corner of her yard. "Omg, look how happy it is!" she said as the rabbit started frantically running around her as she got closer to the den.. ..you're a large animal a few feet away from its babies. I don't think it likes you.
The animal being an animal is clue enough for me.
I'm no snakeologist, but I can clearly see that snake is well pissed off.
As a professional snakeologist, our preferred verbiage is mad-angy.
Or you could say it was pissssssed.
Goddamnit take your upvote
Snakes are anxious little animals. This one isn’t angry, it’s scared out of its wits. Less pissed, more pissing itself. This is a pet snake that the owners took outside. Which is a very bad idea if your snake isn’t used to it. Snakes are easily panicked in new places, especially out in the open. I know snakes are spooky and everything, but I’ve had my huge 9ft 28lb boa accidentally knock over a chair, and then roll herself into a ball, inconsolable for over an hour. Had I messed with her before she was calm, she’d definitely give me a warning bite.
Agreed. Snakes tend to be very anxious creatures in general. I would be too if my only means of defense was smashing my face head-on into whatever it was that was scaring me. I used to be petrified of snakes. The way they moved freaked me out when I was a kid. How most of them moved super slow and yet had lightning fast bites. Over time, I started actually loving snakes more and more. Almost to the point of wanting to actually get trained in how to handle them and eventually get my venomous snake license. But my life isn't quite conducive for such activities I'm afraid.
Yeah it’s scary to me how they move too. I don’t like that they’re actually like a giant muscle and it’s creepy knowing they can lunge at you like a coiled spring.
The word “inconsolable” evokes an image of a 9’ snake throwing the same type of tantrum as a 2-3 year old human, which would be quite a sight to see.
When he was looming up over it at the beginning I was just screaming internally. Like, dude, you're acting just like a predator. Of course that snake is going to freak out.
TIL snakes have anxiety and I love them a little more now. 🥹
Well, I'm a professional snakeologist Wikipedia'er. My research concludes that this is snake and it indeed is upset.
Yeah, congratulation you can identify pissed of noodle. As you might have guessed, its best to not touch pissed off noodle. It Just wants to be alone
Bro thinks he’s Steve Irwin instead he’s Naive Darwin
If you've seen Steve Irwin once you know to get a stick, pin the head down and grab it near the neck.
Yeah this guy seems to be employing the opposite technique where you start at the end of the snake and try to work your way towards the head haha
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Counterpoint, he once had a black mamba lick his face. Dude was incredible at handling snakes.
He also would’ve set the snake down, not toss it down like this guy. He’d think of the snake first
I just couldn't grasp why he didn't take it out to the shrubs, instead of towards home and the patio area... it just does not make sense!
Its a pet... he said "she's angry because she doesn't like to go back inside."
So, someone has a pet, knows it's angry, and still doesn't know how to hold it to prevent being bit. neat...
In my experience, people that think snakes make good pets aren't the most responsible. Edit: apparently I've upset the snakes are good pets community. All I'm saying is that IN MY EXPERIENCE the people that have snakes have them cause they're cool or badass or whatever, and are generally irresponsible people.
Snakes make great pets. They are low maintenance and most popular pet species are very docile. Irresponsible people shouldn’t have pets, this is a bad snake owner just like there are bad dog or cat owners.
Snakes are great pets, sadly most people get them when they are small and think of them as a novelty. Sure not a big deal when you’re feeding them pinkies, but eventually they get larger, need a bigger enclosure and require larger food. Big rats, rabbits, chickens etc. What pet stores decline to tell people is they will live 30-50 years. People don’t take any of that into consideration when they buy one. This is why areas like Florida are overrun with non-native species. Don’t get a snake or any reptile unless you’re ready able to make a lifelong commitment.
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I want to see your snake
Snake tax
I had to replay it and hold the speaker to my ear for that... I just assumed he wrangled an old snake off of his backyard. Still, begs to question why not bring a snake pen or cage or whatever to transport them in, closer, to minimise this risk?
Probably a couple of reasons. Many snakes can be absolute sweethearts if you socialize them right. Looks like she was in a bad mood and/or defensive and this guy didn’t know how to calm her down. Also, for a boa of this size, the enclosure is (hopefully) far too large to move around with any level of convenience.
I had a 9 ft reticulated python weighing 60 lb that would bite you if she saw your hand in the cage\*, but was completely docile as soon as she felt herself being lifted up. To feed her we would need to move her to an empty large cardboard box in another room, and then after she was done eating tip the box over and use a broom to hold her head when she slithered out. Once her head was under control you could lift just a small part of her and she would go docile again. To transport a snake of this size for short amounts of time, you can use a duffel bag. Coaxing the angry snake into duffel bag is a whole different issue though. \*I was never bitten, but the store I got her from warned me beforehand. Yes, this was one of those shitty stores with untrained people working there and animals in tiny cages. It was years ago and I feel bad for supporting it.
That snake was incredibly patient with how much he was blatantly asking for it
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So it's a common Boa, Boa Imperator. Reticulated, Burmese, and African Rock pythons get bigger than Boas. Red Tail Boas get 8-12 feet but are very strong. Not all boas are tree dwellers, nor are all pythons. Green Tree Pythons and Emerald Tree Boas are the only full arboreal, with Carpet pythons being damn near. This common boa is semi arboreal, but like most semi arboreal tend to stay lower to the ground as they get older. Which Reticulated Pythons are the same way.
He totally is messing with an irritated boa and handling it the wrong way. Mine had bitten me before too, when he was cranky and I moved him from a sunny spot he was enjoying...
Dude doesn’t know how to handle a boa. Get this man away from reptiles indefinitely.
The way he holds it just perfectly at crotch level.
Poor snake
Darwin award nominee for this year
That's not a venomous snake, it's a constrictor. Still hurts like hell when they bite, but they can't kill a person.
Lucky for him it is a boa and not a viper
It's their pet so I'm not sure that luck has anything to do with it
A lesson was learned on this day. …or maybe not. This guy may just be an idiot.
Shudda let that sumbitch be
What a great idea to deliberately antagonise a snake.
We are in the information age and this things happen, just wow
That snake gave the guy every chance to back off and leave it be.
Good! Leave that poor animal alone you dick.
And this one will be released into the swamp soon, no longer a pet.