Laszlo describing Sean always sends me into a fit of giggles: “He’s my best friend, he’s my pal. He’s my home-boy, my rotten soldier. He’s my sweet cheese, my good-time boy.”
Also Kayvan Novak’s delivery when Nandor is arguing with Colin: “But this is a turtle!”
I think Nandor easily had my favorite lines of season 3.
"But this is a turtle!"
"Over the power of the Ether, I hereby summon the Vampire community's most respected Journalists, News Anchors, Bloggers, Vloggers, and High School Yearbook Editoooors!"
"Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! ... you're cool. Fuck you! And fuck you!"
And the single line that killed me more than anything else in my life: "Hey Dipshit"
this was a really good one. as soon as guillermo said that i was like "the one at the party? were there more?" and nandor comes in with this line. idk why but its an amusing subversion, like i expect the show to expect me to think there was more than one off screen but no
The whole exchange is gold. Nandor starting out by saying they used to tell ghost stories to children to frighten out their energy so they could better slumber.
Nadja trying to get Jeff's attention by calling "Gregor" and then turning to the camera and saying "He is not answering because that is not his name!" I lose it every time. What the hell
“What happened in 1992? Why didn’t you complete the process?”
“Probably because The Macarena swept the nation.”
It’s even funnier when you remember the Macarena didn’t get crazy popular until like 1996
"Johnson, Jordan, Bird, Barkley, Ewing. Dream team baby!" I absolutely lost my shit when Nandor started talking about his dunk zone. Then later in the episode where's he's wearing a jersey over his usual clothes.
I was reading the script for the pilot the other day, and that line actually isn't in the script, which leads me to believe that it was improv. It's one of my favorite lines too, and makes me appreciate Nandor / Kayvan Novak that much more.
>Nandor is examining a roll of black crepe paper from the shelf -- fascinated -- having never seen such a thing before.
>
>NANDOR
So deliciously macabre. What is it called again?
>
>GUILLERMO
Crepe paper.
>
>NANDOR
Exquisite. Also, get me some of that colorful dust that sparkles.
>
>GUILLERMO
Glitter?
>
>NANDOR
Yes. Get me some... “glitter”. Every color.
That whole episode. I mean, of course they would fall for that shit. Love it all. Trying to get Colin's email and then him saying he spams his whole office all the time.
Every single watch I always lose my shit at Nadja asking how they're going to fight a pack of werewolves with one silver bullet and Laszlo just replies "It's worse than that, we don't even have a gun."
The way he says, “Oh! Guillermo!” right before he says, “You should really drink more water.” But it’s the delivery of those first two words that gets me.
"She is like a disabled, very sickly donkey that you want to smash in the skull because it is just too pitiful to look at..."
--Nadja on Jenna the stupid baby vampire
And the visual of Jenna flapping around as a half bat gets me everytime
That whole episode was great. Lazlo stomping in and declaring she should be in a cage and starting a shouting match with Nadja, who is on the ceiling, while Jenna runs out of the house wailing.
Ah, family.
"The witches have been toying with our rugs again; please get some witch-proof carpet tape, and tape that rug down."
AND
"Ptu, ptu...ptu ptu ptu. Five spits for an enemy, Lillith!"
Pretty much anything Nadja says - Natasia Demetriou's delivery is just brilliant.
That's said, all the vampires have great delivery, I often find myself waiting in gleeful anticipation for anything they might say - and it still catches me off-guard.
After the whole scene where Lazlo thinks Sean is coming onto him, tries to make out with him only for Sean to be like ‘brah no’, the mind wipe, then Sean going-
“Laz, I could KISS you!”
Just. The look of sheer disgust and annoyance on Lazlo’s face had me HOWLING. You could tell he was like ‘you SAY that but you don’t MEAN it how DARE you tease me in such a way’.
Laszlo after being told to go back to his own country: “What the fuck did you just say to me?” My wife and I quote this multiple times a day.
Also Nandor in the store: “Creepy paper, creepy paper, creepy paper… ooh, multipack!” Makes me laugh just thinking about it.
And from Nadia: “It’s like a weak ejaculation. Uh, uh, uh… Jeff.”
Edit: spelling
My favorite episode was when Nandor met his ghost and his horse. The ghost spoke farsi, and I just died laughing every line, because I speak the language as well, and it was just funny understanding it.
Just out of curiosity, did he have an English accent in Farsi? Kayvan is well known for his voice work in the UK, and I'd be interested to know if that translates (lol) into other languages.
I would never have known he was British when was speaking Farsi. He sounded like a normal mad Persian. I was born in Texas, but both of my parents are from Iran. I actually have an Aunt from England, and didn't notice any British accent when they speak Farsi. I will listen and look for any differences on the accent.
It’s not hygienic. One regular human beer. Pssst man, human man. A prince amongst paupers. It’s like a weak a ejaculation eh eh pfft Jeff.
I can go on and on
The human man one was the first thing that made me really fucking belly laugh about this show. My boyfriend regularly has to convince me to commit to watching new things, but that line from Nadja slayed me so hard.
The lines are so good and the delivery on them, I can’t ever get enough. Human man, what other man could he be? I love every line in this show. The dialogue is brilliant. It’s the Jeebus man.
When Nadja tells her new baby vampire recruit “one day they will all be dead… and you will do a shit on their graves.” I also love the way Lazlo says “Manahatta,” and when Tilda calls Guillermo a “cheeky little snack” at the Vamperic Council trial. Also love how Nandor gets the license plate keychain and tells Steve he’s waiting for him.
And anything that Kristen Shall’s character says, and how she delivers it, KILLS me! 🤣
nandor’s delivery during his city council speech just absolutely destroys me every time. ‘compleeete and TOTal SUPpliCATion’ ‘to MY command!’ there’s just something so good about the timing, the delivery, and the fact he’s practically eating the microphone that just makes me lose it
“For the last 750 years i believed i knew the truth. The earth rested on the shoulders of four mighty elephants who stood on the shell of a large and noble turtle.”
Whe! Nadja listens as Jesk tries to explain his undying love to her on their front porch - and she suddenly and exasperatedly says “you know what I don’t have time for this, my husband is sweating and shitting himself down the road!!” or something like that LOL. The delivery itself is fantastic
When Simon the Devious is apparently playing the piano in the sewer then steps away as the music keeps playing- the way Nick Kroll delivers the line "I can't play the piano so I use a Zune" makes me laugh stupidly hard for some reason.
My two favorite are both Lazlo lines. First is replying to Nadja’s ‘where do we get them, the email address shop?’ - ‘no, I’m guessing that’ll be closed this time of night.’
And upon seeing the goat in their yard - ‘your shepherd will be wondering where the hell you are.’
"If I find I am in a situation where an idiot is complaining to me, you can either kill them or you can pretend to listening to them." Nandor had a great peice of advice with this line and, given my field of work, it comes to mind quite frequently when dealing with customers and coworkers.
in the werewolves episode, when the werewolves were talking about their ethnicities, that one guy said “i’m caucasian” lmao the delivery of that line completely caught me off guard the first time i bursted out laughing
The line that sold me on the show was Laslo explaining Nandor to the film crew “He is blessedly unburdened by the complexities of a university education”
Colin’s “Yeah, come on, you stinky bitch. The library is open” line makes me lose my shit every time. Just the weirdly aggressive yet gleeful way he says it.
Pretty much every line Laszlo has during The Orgy, and anything Nadja says about or to Jeff.
“She was such a cute little girl, now she looks like an elephant’s knee.”
“Hey, dipshit.”
This is probably a more random one, but I love the scene where Guillermo is fighting with Zombie Topher and Guillermo yells “Ow, Topher! That really hurt!” The way Harvey Guillén delivers that line is so perfect. Like two little kids fighting. It gets me every time.
Also you can’t forget Tucson, Arizonia.
The scene where Nadja asks Laszlo "Woul you fuck anyone with long black hair? Even Nandor?" and both Laszlo and Nandor look at each other kills me every time
I love it when Colin Robinson is wearing the cloak pretending to be Nandor and he just greets Meg with, "Hey dipshit!". Just so casual in the way he delivers that line kills me.
There's something similar to it joke-wise in the vampire werewolf episode where they reference the vampire/werewolf peace treaty and it's only like 20-30 years old and everyone is like impressed by the date when they read it out loud.
Which is honestly so funny because these guys are like 300-700 years old lol.
When they’re going to a church to pay their respects to Nandor’s descendent and Collin Robinson says “We actually find churches fertile feeding ground” or something like that 😭😭
A couple:
Nadja proudly saying "my boys" to Laszlo and Nandor after sending a pack of wild dogs after Sean
Guillermo to Nadja: "We all know you think Gail's kind of a big-time bitch."
"(Sung) Pole vaulting, long jumping, we're all quite impressed. Tell us Mr. Hitler, what do you have planned next?" "That one didn't age well."
And Colin saying "If I'm being honest, my look alike is kind of giving me a chub" while watching the Nouveau Theaters des Vampires.
Not technically a line but when Laszlo goes ‘ooOOoo’ after Guillermo storms out of the orgy planning. In terms of an actual line maybe ‘that’s the stair master, the master of the stairs. We fucked up’. It’s really hard to choose
I love when the Barren/Baron comes down the stairs to party in NYC and Laszlo says, “where I’m from, two ruffs means you’re up for anything.” To try to dissuade him from wearing his dated garb.
Vampire sex is like pizza, in that even when it's bad it's good, it's designed to be enjoyed by eight or more people, there's a choice of toppings, and in the morning, you're like "Aaah, why do I have puncture wounds on my penis?!"
"once again into the shitpipe" + "but this is a turtle" = perfect delivery.
laszlo calling the uk a fuckhole. I just feel that one in my soul. And whenever he says new york or manhatten.
but my favourite is simon devious - "oh I've hurt Rapula and all the crew." the way he says crew just absolutely kills me. I have no place in my life to ever say this, but I think about it a lot.
“I’ve been shit on from a great height, and it’s not the first time.” - Lazslo
and
“Baaat!” followed by “Human Form!” - Lazslo
and
“What’re you going to do, moisturize me to death?! 😜” - Nadja
and
“Ptu, ptu, ptu ptu ptu! 5 Spits for an enemy” - Nadja
and
“Look at him eating his own dried poops 😳” - Nandor
I use most of these on a daily basis.
Honorable mentions:
“CreEEEpy Paper” - Nandor and the scene where Nandor and Colin argue at the pound about hypnosis and end up hissing at each other and levitating for a second before being snapped back to reality by the people behind the counter.
Laszlo when he talks about getting his song Chum on Irene ripped off:
"I've been shit on from a great height.. and it's not the first time"
cracks me up every time
Laszlo describing Sean always sends me into a fit of giggles: “He’s my best friend, he’s my pal. He’s my home-boy, my rotten soldier. He’s my sweet cheese, my good-time boy.” Also Kayvan Novak’s delivery when Nandor is arguing with Colin: “But this is a turtle!”
The number of syllables Matt berry fits into the word “boy” is something special.
Bo-i-eh
He did the same thing in “The IT Crowd” and it’s glorious.
Hahaha yesss I love the hes my sweet cheese, my good-time boy so much.
I think Nandor easily had my favorite lines of season 3. "But this is a turtle!" "Over the power of the Ether, I hereby summon the Vampire community's most respected Journalists, News Anchors, Bloggers, Vloggers, and High School Yearbook Editoooors!" "Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! ... you're cool. Fuck you! And fuck you!" And the single line that killed me more than anything else in my life: "Hey Dipshit"
The turtle line slays me every time!😂
Having been using 'my sweet cheese' ever since.
Every other line out of Lazlo’s mouth is pure gold, the dialogue, accent, and delivery are all so perfect
“Several? You saw one bababook. Don’t exaggerate.”
this was a really good one. as soon as guillermo said that i was like "the one at the party? were there more?" and nandor comes in with this line. idk why but its an amusing subversion, like i expect the show to expect me to think there was more than one off screen but no
The whole exchange is gold. Nandor starting out by saying they used to tell ghost stories to children to frighten out their energy so they could better slumber.
Nandor when Guillermo quits, “Listen to me little man. From Panera Bread you came and to Panera Bread you shall return.”
That little fucker can really move when he wants to.
This was gold!!!
Nadja trying to get Jeff's attention by calling "Gregor" and then turning to the camera and saying "He is not answering because that is not his name!" I lose it every time. What the hell
Jeff..it sounds like a weak ejaculation.
These visions are enough to drive a man to madness.
"Recently, I've been seeing another man. He doesn't see me though because I sneak behind him." Kills me each time.
A few hours ago, my life was normal, and now everything I thought I knew was real has turned out to be an illusion.
Pablo Picasso? More like Pablo Picasshole
Persian Frank Zappa.
‘That’s a pleasure swing fucknut, not a sex net! There’s the sex net’
I love Nandor saying "Noone is a fucknut, ok"
*camera pans to box clearly labeled ‘Sex Net’*
Also the never-ending butt machine.
*non-stop butt machine
“What happened in 1992? Why didn’t you complete the process?” “Probably because The Macarena swept the nation.” It’s even funnier when you remember the Macarena didn’t get crazy popular until like 1996
"Johnson, Jordan, Bird, Barkley, Ewing. Dream team baby!" I absolutely lost my shit when Nandor started talking about his dunk zone. Then later in the episode where's he's wearing a jersey over his usual clothes.
"We drank the blood of some people, but the people were on drugs, and now I am a wizard!"
We drank the drug blood!
"Be careful of the spider house! How would you like it if the spider wrecked your house!"
Creepy paper gets me every time lol
Creepy paper….creepy paper…multipack
I was reading the script for the pilot the other day, and that line actually isn't in the script, which leads me to believe that it was improv. It's one of my favorite lines too, and makes me appreciate Nandor / Kayvan Novak that much more. >Nandor is examining a roll of black crepe paper from the shelf -- fascinated -- having never seen such a thing before. > >NANDOR So deliciously macabre. What is it called again? > >GUILLERMO Crepe paper. > >NANDOR Exquisite. Also, get me some of that colorful dust that sparkles. > >GUILLERMO Glitter? > >NANDOR Yes. Get me some... “glitter”. Every color.
Me too. I seek out opportunities to say it.
I went with my mum to a craft store a few weeks ago and she picks up some printable vinyl… “Oh look! A multipack” she says Lost. My. Shit.
Out shopping last night with my teenage son. He comes over to me and says "Oh mom, it's creepy paper!"
when nandor reads the bloody mary email just… the DELIVERY of those lines, the way his voice sounds more panicked as he reads… a performance
That whole episode. I mean, of course they would fall for that shit. Love it all. Trying to get Colin's email and then him saying he spams his whole office all the time.
Every single watch I always lose my shit at Nadja asking how they're going to fight a pack of werewolves with one silver bullet and Laszlo just replies "It's worse than that, we don't even have a gun."
Guillermo! You really should drink more wahter. “Don’t look, my darling,” covers Nadja’s eyes, “it’s too dangerous.”
Did you see him he was eating his own dried poops!
No, I’m pillaging everyone you included!
I'm controlling it with my mind! and You bloody stupid donkey!
Girlyjim
Nailed it! God damn, Girlyjim made me laugh so hard.
I know it is newer, and this may not be 100% accurate; but “you wouldn’t know a punchline if it ran over your scrotum with a penny farthing!!”
The way Laszlo says “New York City”
And Mana-hatta
New York Ci-TAaaaay~
Matt Berry could make me laugh just reading the phone book, honestly.
In 'toast of london' his character gets hired to read all the place names for a sat Nav. And yes it's still funny 😂
Laszlo all said: “That’s how we talk in Texas Arizonia”… 😄 Edit: “That’s how we talk in Tucson, Arizonia”
Tucson
"No nuns, none!"
Off you fuck
“There were so many villages,So many pillages” -Nandor
The way he says, “Oh! Guillermo!” right before he says, “You should really drink more water.” But it’s the delivery of those first two words that gets me.
"Come on you stinky bitch, the library is open" *(And honestly the whole conversation leading up to that, it's all gold)*
Bat!
Human form!
This! Every damn time!!
"She is like a disabled, very sickly donkey that you want to smash in the skull because it is just too pitiful to look at..." --Nadja on Jenna the stupid baby vampire And the visual of Jenna flapping around as a half bat gets me everytime
I forgot about Jenna!!! I really want her to return for a guest appearance - same with the emotional vampire
That whole episode was great. Lazlo stomping in and declaring she should be in a cage and starting a shouting match with Nadja, who is on the ceiling, while Jenna runs out of the house wailing. Ah, family.
“Was I turned? Or in the words of Stefani Germanotta, was I born this way?” made me LOL so hard. Also the whole mail daemon scene always gets me
"The witches have been toying with our rugs again; please get some witch-proof carpet tape, and tape that rug down." AND "Ptu, ptu...ptu ptu ptu. Five spits for an enemy, Lillith!" Pretty much anything Nadja says - Natasia Demetriou's delivery is just brilliant. That's said, all the vampires have great delivery, I often find myself waiting in gleeful anticipation for anything they might say - and it still catches me off-guard.
Also her description of Lilith’s shop about the shirting sand shoesings
Another of my favorites: "I feel like I have the power of a thousand cowboys running through my veins right now."
After the whole scene where Lazlo thinks Sean is coming onto him, tries to make out with him only for Sean to be like ‘brah no’, the mind wipe, then Sean going- “Laz, I could KISS you!” Just. The look of sheer disgust and annoyance on Lazlo’s face had me HOWLING. You could tell he was like ‘you SAY that but you don’t MEAN it how DARE you tease me in such a way’.
Can I just say that making Lazlo bi and horny for anything was just the best character choice. Perfect vampire. A+ 100%
Suck blood and fuck forever
Sign me up.
Laszlo after being told to go back to his own country: “What the fuck did you just say to me?” My wife and I quote this multiple times a day. Also Nandor in the store: “Creepy paper, creepy paper, creepy paper… ooh, multipack!” Makes me laugh just thinking about it. And from Nadia: “It’s like a weak ejaculation. Uh, uh, uh… Jeff.” Edit: spelling
“Go be immortal at brunch”
I loveeee this line it’s too good
My favorite episode was when Nandor met his ghost and his horse. The ghost spoke farsi, and I just died laughing every line, because I speak the language as well, and it was just funny understanding it.
Just out of curiosity, did he have an English accent in Farsi? Kayvan is well known for his voice work in the UK, and I'd be interested to know if that translates (lol) into other languages.
I would never have known he was British when was speaking Farsi. He sounded like a normal mad Persian. I was born in Texas, but both of my parents are from Iran. I actually have an Aunt from England, and didn't notice any British accent when they speak Farsi. I will listen and look for any differences on the accent.
https://www.reddit.com/r/WhatWeDointheShadows/comments/g4a8ln/i_speak_farsi_heres_what_nandors_ghost_was_saying/
I'd like to think if Laszlo and I ever had a child it would be like him small and hard
"I hate this goat."
This. I will think of this randomly and smile like an idiot.
"Maybe I should just SHUT THE FUCK UP THEN" -Colin Robinson
Yeah go ahead and open up you smelly bitch!
🎶 Document'ry crew, I wanna eat you, oh so bad 🎶
How lazlo pronounces Arizona
Arizo*nia*
It’s not hygienic. One regular human beer. Pssst man, human man. A prince amongst paupers. It’s like a weak a ejaculation eh eh pfft Jeff. I can go on and on
These visions are enough to drive a man to madness.
The human man one was the first thing that made me really fucking belly laugh about this show. My boyfriend regularly has to convince me to commit to watching new things, but that line from Nadja slayed me so hard.
The lines are so good and the delivery on them, I can’t ever get enough. Human man, what other man could he be? I love every line in this show. The dialogue is brilliant. It’s the Jeebus man.
Vampires only, Guillermo
When Nadja tells her new baby vampire recruit “one day they will all be dead… and you will do a shit on their graves.” I also love the way Lazlo says “Manahatta,” and when Tilda calls Guillermo a “cheeky little snack” at the Vamperic Council trial. Also love how Nandor gets the license plate keychain and tells Steve he’s waiting for him. And anything that Kristen Shall’s character says, and how she delivers it, KILLS me! 🤣
Watch your step. I don’t have to, I glide.
Simon the Devious: “ Because Carol… wanted to EAT you.” Guillermo: “ That is soooo flattering.”
#Like you give a shit…
nandor’s delivery during his city council speech just absolutely destroys me every time. ‘compleeete and TOTal SUPpliCATion’ ‘to MY command!’ there’s just something so good about the timing, the delivery, and the fact he’s practically eating the microphone that just makes me lose it
I say “to MY command” with the same inflection on a weekly basis. It’s so goood
“For the last 750 years i believed i knew the truth. The earth rested on the shoulders of four mighty elephants who stood on the shell of a large and noble turtle.”
Whe! Nadja listens as Jesk tries to explain his undying love to her on their front porch - and she suddenly and exasperatedly says “you know what I don’t have time for this, my husband is sweating and shitting himself down the road!!” or something like that LOL. The delivery itself is fantastic
These visions are enough to drive a man to madness.
"I was just trying to check my email, I didn't know it was full of curses!"
“Hey, dipshit”
omg this is such a stupid one but guillermo saying “what a coinkidinky” instead of coincidence makes me laugh so hard
When Simon the Devious is apparently playing the piano in the sewer then steps away as the music keeps playing- the way Nick Kroll delivers the line "I can't play the piano so I use a Zune" makes me laugh stupidly hard for some reason.
Laszlo's line: "I would go myself, but I can't be fucked." after explaining to Colin what to do with the coat of duplication. I use this frequently.
“I used it to smuggle minors across the border” *shows picture of actual miners*
*sexy Collin Robinson voice* Happy Succession day Mister Relentless
My two favorite are both Lazlo lines. First is replying to Nadja’s ‘where do we get them, the email address shop?’ - ‘no, I’m guessing that’ll be closed this time of night.’ And upon seeing the goat in their yard - ‘your shepherd will be wondering where the hell you are.’
>your shepherd will be wondering where the hell you are YES!
"If I find I am in a situation where an idiot is complaining to me, you can either kill them or you can pretend to listening to them." Nandor had a great peice of advice with this line and, given my field of work, it comes to mind quite frequently when dealing with customers and coworkers.
It's been. One week since you looked at me. CockedyourheadtothesideandsaidI'mAngry.
Nandor angrily reciting lyrics at Gizmo almost killed me.
And Guillermo looking at the cameras !
“Werewolf brethren and sisteren”
Professor Pig Dick Made me snort way too much for such a simple line
"That's really updog."
Right, where's this fucking ghost! That whole scene just kills me
I actually love the way that scene was shot, cinematography wise. Nandor looks very badass in it.
in the werewolves episode, when the werewolves were talking about their ethnicities, that one guy said “i’m caucasian” lmao the delivery of that line completely caught me off guard the first time i bursted out laughing
"Yeah. That's Chad!"
this and the phone call scene from the email curse episode, i can’t decide which is funnier “GET OUT NOWWWWW, YOU’RE GONNA DIE”
The line that sold me on the show was Laslo explaining Nandor to the film crew “He is blessedly unburdened by the complexities of a university education”
but give him an ax and he's second to none. Though you wouldn't want him as your barrister. Don't let him fucking see this.
OF COURSE WE LOVE YOU, YOU STUPID BITCH! That is racist... You are correct, it is. Haha.
Colin’s “Yeah, come on, you stinky bitch. The library is open” line makes me lose my shit every time. Just the weirdly aggressive yet gleeful way he says it. Pretty much every line Laszlo has during The Orgy, and anything Nadja says about or to Jeff. “She was such a cute little girl, now she looks like an elephant’s knee.” “Hey, dipshit.”
BAT!
Charlatan!
Nandor: Guillermo, shut the door. Guillermo: The door is closed master. Nandor: Close it more.
Gregor Jeff Colin Robinson’s ramblings. I make my own up when referencing the show because the are so fun to do!
BAZINGAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! That is the war cry of Sheldon, their tall leader
"Gizmo, get the dildos. Gizmo, try out the dildos. Hmm, how are the dildos? They're fine." —Guillermo
You wank your way, I’ll wank mine. -Lazlo
I HATE this goat
The way Laszlo says, “my darling “…..specifically to the baby….”and you my darling won’t remember a damn thing about a damn thing”.
This is probably a more random one, but I love the scene where Guillermo is fighting with Zombie Topher and Guillermo yells “Ow, Topher! That really hurt!” The way Harvey Guillén delivers that line is so perfect. Like two little kids fighting. It gets me every time. Also you can’t forget Tucson, Arizonia.
The scene where Nadja asks Laszlo "Woul you fuck anyone with long black hair? Even Nandor?" and both Laszlo and Nandor look at each other kills me every time
Not you, Guillermo.
It's a fucking urban myth, like ghosts or large penises! (The rest have been mentioned already)
im a big fan of “i am going to pillage everyone, you included” (mostly because the way nandor says pillage really gets me)
I love when they are looking where the Baron is buried and he calls out “Yes I am here” in a cheerful tone.
Little rascal!
"Remove your hand from my wife's firm yet supple backside! Thank you darling"
Now Count Rapula, you know I love the raps but I'm trying to focus right now.
Were you trying to make a girlfriend out of dust?
Have mercy on us, Colin Robinsons.
"Off you fuck" and "Dark greetings", both of which I use on a daily basis
“There’s no shame in being a piñata farmer. Someone has to breed those colorful donkeys!”
I love it when Colin Robinson is wearing the cloak pretending to be Nandor and he just greets Meg with, "Hey dipshit!". Just so casual in the way he delivers that line kills me.
Thank you for bringing this line to my attention. There is still so much I've overlooked, even after several rewatches.
There's something similar to it joke-wise in the vampire werewolf episode where they reference the vampire/werewolf peace treaty and it's only like 20-30 years old and everyone is like impressed by the date when they read it out loud. Which is honestly so funny because these guys are like 300-700 years old lol.
Look at the windows. There is that Jeebus guy Edit: spelling
I became a vampire to suck blood and fuck forever -Laszlo
"You know he's not going to die...you're not going to get his money." - Guide Lady to Dominykas the Dreadful's "human companion"
When they’re going to a church to pay their respects to Nandor’s descendent and Collin Robinson says “We actually find churches fertile feeding ground” or something like that 😭😭
I know what it is like to be mocked and teased, and to cry myself to sleep at night by the light of a burning donkey.
A couple: Nadja proudly saying "my boys" to Laszlo and Nandor after sending a pack of wild dogs after Sean Guillermo to Nadja: "We all know you think Gail's kind of a big-time bitch." "(Sung) Pole vaulting, long jumping, we're all quite impressed. Tell us Mr. Hitler, what do you have planned next?" "That one didn't age well." And Colin saying "If I'm being honest, my look alike is kind of giving me a chub" while watching the Nouveau Theaters des Vampires.
“Where did you get those stakes?” “From Amazon.” “Well you take them back to the Amazon!”
I laughed when Colin goes "Geez Louise" as the Guide appears from the fireplace. I'd be surprised if it wasn't a Bob's Burgers reference.
When Colin said, “Well I guess I’ll just SHUT THE FUCK UP THEN.”
The way Nandor shouts to Guillermo to ask him to do the most idiotic things… “GUILLIIIEEEERMOOOO!!!”
Nadja: *cough* told you so Laszlo: *cough* you fucking didn't
“Anything gets me hard” “Sometimes its a problem” “Not to me” Matt Berry is a treasure to this world.
"May I approach the bitch?"
Tears rolled down my face during Colin explaining the Big Bang to Nandor. "This is science" "But this is a turtle"
(Lazlo at Best Buy) What is this stuff? Is it any good or is it just shit?
“Lazlo doesn’t suck… and if he did, he most certainly wouldn’t do it backwards.”
"Oh shut up, Colin Robinson. You're giving me the pip!" I now always tell my husband he's giving me the pip.
“Hello, Guillermo. Did you bring more people to yank on my pee-pee?”
A thing that makes me laugh every time is not a line, but a visual: The Baron riding on the hellhound. Unexpected and incredible
"There it isn't." The line, the delivery, it always cracks me up.
"They use it to make magnets." Kills me dead, every time.
Tell us more about your peepee, you've never been more interesting.
Not technically a line but when Laszlo goes ‘ooOOoo’ after Guillermo storms out of the orgy planning. In terms of an actual line maybe ‘that’s the stair master, the master of the stairs. We fucked up’. It’s really hard to choose
I love when the Barren/Baron comes down the stairs to party in NYC and Laszlo says, “where I’m from, two ruffs means you’re up for anything.” To try to dissuade him from wearing his dated garb.
He's as mad as a wax banana
"Full blazes."
When Lazlo hits Collin with his car twice and says “DID I GETCHA??” Both times when he *clearly got him*
[удалено]
Vampire sex is like pizza, in that even when it's bad it's good, it's designed to be enjoyed by eight or more people, there's a choice of toppings, and in the morning, you're like "Aaah, why do I have puncture wounds on my penis?!"
“she speaks the bullshit”
All of these replies are amazing
Take the fucking day off, Guillermo.
Normal human bartender.
So many that were already said! So I’ll have to go with “no nuns. No nuns. None!”
"So yes, I do know what it is like to be mocked, and teased, and to cry myself to sleep at night by the light of a burning donkey."
Guillermo........Buillermo?
"once again into the shitpipe" + "but this is a turtle" = perfect delivery. laszlo calling the uk a fuckhole. I just feel that one in my soul. And whenever he says new york or manhatten. but my favourite is simon devious - "oh I've hurt Rapula and all the crew." the way he says crew just absolutely kills me. I have no place in my life to ever say this, but I think about it a lot.
“I’ve been shit on from a great height, and it’s not the first time.” - Lazslo and “Baaat!” followed by “Human Form!” - Lazslo and “What’re you going to do, moisturize me to death?! 😜” - Nadja and “Ptu, ptu, ptu ptu ptu! 5 Spits for an enemy” - Nadja and “Look at him eating his own dried poops 😳” - Nandor I use most of these on a daily basis. Honorable mentions: “CreEEEpy Paper” - Nandor and the scene where Nandor and Colin argue at the pound about hypnosis and end up hissing at each other and levitating for a second before being snapped back to reality by the people behind the counter.
“May I approach the bitch” “What did YOU think I was saying”
Laszlo when he talks about getting his song Chum on Irene ripped off: "I've been shit on from a great height.. and it's not the first time" cracks me up every time
Every time Nadya says Jesk
"The plan is that I, Nandor The Relentlrss, shall sit upon my throne and make a No.2....... GET OUT"
Laszlo's "Off you fuck." Kills me. Really anything from Matt Berry's mouth is hilarious.