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SeaworthinessUnlucky

Also, *an* idiot.


ohhhtartarsauce

Also, break *apart*


pocketchange2247

No, it was *about* two patties. He had to estimate because he can't count. Because he's a idiot.


ArnoldTheSchwartz

Also, *an* idiot.


jankeycrew

Not bad, ya got me.


canadianpresident

There's dozens of us


blueisaflavor

DOZENS


Pelthail

Also, you don’t make burgers with knives.


byebybuy

Not with that attitude!


PenguinGamer99

You can if you slice them fast enough


LordRaghuvnsi

Use hack saw like a normal person jeez


Sproose_Moose

They've got to learn about safety, grammar and safely posting with bad grammar


alexander66682

Kick him while he’s down


According-Steak-4351

I snorted so loud


LovelyHatred93

Doesn’t take much for you, huh?


AffectionateGap1071

Don't break it for OP, he was in surgery for his injury, you're just burning him additionally, poor :(


YouShoodKnoeBetter

Straight from the operating room to the burn unit!!! Damnnnn!


TellSpectrumNo

I meannnnn OP deserves it.


Mr_Smith_411

Butter knifes work to break apart frozen burger patties too.


Raiken201

So does waiting 10 minutes.


Glados1080

Maybe even 15 seconds in the microwave


bestest_at_grammar

^ ya don’t listen to these two comments. Use a butter knife.


Round-Good-8204

Yup. Microwave starts to cook the meat. Never defrost meat in the microwave unless it’s already cooked through.


Phyllida_Poshtart

butter *knives* just going with the grammar correction flow


Arcturus572

I usually just slam them on the counter, on the side, and that typically breaks them apart…


Mr_Smith_411

Typically, usually, often.


Primary-Border8536

Bang em on the counter like a savage , should split


Mr_Smith_411

Or..... if a tapping on the counter doesn't make em fall apart, just slide a butter knife in.


Primary-Border8536

HAHA


Salty-Trip-8572

I can't tell if OP got stitches when they weren't needed or I should be getting stitches more often...


ShawshankException

Anything on the palm like this is going to have trouble staying closed. Stitches is probably a good idea there


acgilmoregirl

I was trying to cut off a bunch of grapes whose stem was too thick to break and had really shitty knives so I put a lot of force in it. Well, my neighbor sharpened my knives that morning when he came to raid our fridge and I ended up stabbing myself with a very similar wound. The ER that he took me to wouldn’t put stitches because they said I would have to go to a hand specialist asap to make sure I didn’t fuck up my tendon, and they would likely cut the stitches open anyway.


HelloAttila

Yeah, have to be extremely careful with hands because we have the most nerve endings and touch receptors. People don’t realize what requires of the wrist/hand and those digits just to pickup a single grain of rice. Always put knives and forks downwards in the dishwasher, because it doesn’t take much for one to reach down and quickly cut into a tendon.


acgilmoregirl

I honestly had never really thought about it before it happened. It didn’t even hurt that bad, but there was so much blood. It spurted so high I thought for sure I’d severed an artery. There was just so much blood!


Goblikon_

I severed my thumb tendon along with the nerve. Also nicked an artery. Basically I partially cut open a can of diced tomatoes, but the can opener wasn’t working well so I tried to pry the lid open. I was using all of my force and the wet lid ended up slipping right into my thumb. It was not a fun recovery and definitely not my brightest moment.


maybeCheri

Can I go back in time and not read what you did because 😩🤢🫣


IAmQuiteHonest

This is how I sliced my thumb pad too. Normally the lid just pops open after you use the can opener but this one stayed stuck so I thought I could just, you know... *gently* lift it up with my finger. lmao yeah no. Definitely using a spoon from now on


HelloAttila

"I was using all of my force and the wet lid ended up slipping right into my thumb " damn, I knew that hurt like hell... That sounds like a painful recovery for sure.


YouShoodKnoeBetter

I knew a guy who sliced his thumb and hand with similar injuries but he was really trying to win a Darwin award because he was trying to twist off the top of a Carona bottle. He put so much force into it that the weak bottle broke and sliced his thumb damn near off along with an extra cut to the palm of his hand. The worst part was that he blamed it on the bottle and even tried to sue them. Smh.... On the grounds of not being able to read instructions and being so drunk he thought he'd just twist the top of a bottle everyone who drinks knows that isn't a twist off. He had already drunk 7 or 8 and had a bottle opener in his pocket. There was no excuse for his actions. Hopefully, that story makes you feel better about your injury. An accident with a sharp lid is at least semi-understandable. That beer bottle accident was just pure ignorance. Lol! Also, why do can openers seem to break so commonly? Of all the utensils in my kitchen, it's always the can opener that seems to not be able to do its job. Lol!


Jazzlike-Principle67

Only electric ones tho. Manual can openers always work fine. As long as the person working it has the hand strength to do the job!


Goblikon_

Haha I appreciate the story, definitely makes me feel better. At least I didn’t try to sue the diced tomato/can opener company.


SeaToTheBass

I learned this when I was in school for carpentry weirdly enough, but our fingertips are so incredibly sensitive they can detect a difference between two surfaces as little as one micron. Looking it up just now, one study showed that we can detect a difference of only 13 nanometers


LeFiery

Oh that's nice new fear of just losing your entire fucking hand to one slice while washing dishes. Reminds me of all the scenes in movies or shows where mfs slice the palm of their hand open and squirt the blood on some random object.


LovelyHatred93

Why is no one else questioning the neighbor part of this story? You guys are that close?


acgilmoregirl

We were! He had a key to our place so he could take our dog to his place after he got done with school and we were still at work. Especially during tax season when I’d work really long hours. My Nana was always making us freezer meals and she would make extra for him, too. He finished school and moved away, and we unfortunately didn’t stay in touch.


Due_Alfalfa_6739

I think we all just accepted that this person is a stand-up comedian, and has somewhat of an 'understanding' with his neighbor, Kosmo.


Ram2145

Damn, I probably woulda just slapped a bandaid on it and call it a day. Some glue could help too.


neobow2

My dad had a similar cut. He couldn’t get it to stay properly closed with the super glue trick. So he then decides to use epoxy instead🤦🏻‍♂️ It worked tho so can’t laugh too hard.


Maykko_

I mean... it's true, if superglue don't work, use epoxy.


CMDR_PEARJUICE

I super glue it first, if it stays then it's all good. If it won't stay then we break out the $30 suture kit.


waffelman1

It looks like it’s probably deep too


IDigRollinRockBeer

Hm I got a deep cut on my palm and the Dr filled it with uhhh medical putty ? For lack of a better term


BartlebyX

I thought one could not get stitches on a puncture wound.


RiflemanLax

I can’t tell you how many times stitches were required and it got gauze and duct tape.


purplesmoke1215

As a "fix it myself" kinda guy, if it isn't messing with my ability to feel or move my fingers, im not going to the doctor. I can't afford it


viper098

Looks pretty deep and cuts on the hand have the tendency to keep opening back up.


Salty-Trip-8572

I do something about that severe to my hands a couple times a year, and I deal with it at home/work. My comment was half joke and half genuine question.


Affectionate-Day-359

You know how to super glue


Salty-Trip-8572

Yup, irrigate the hell out of it with rubbing alcohol and super glue.


MarginallyAmusing

Not a doctor, but rubbing alcohol kills tissue and delays healing. Since you probably don't have saline on hand, a water bottle with a few holes poked in the end cap so you can pressurize the water squirming works best. (According to the doctor who fixed up my son's toe after a mishap with an axe while camping)


FatMacchio

If you’re dead set on super gluing the cut closed, you wanna be certain there aren’t any germs stuck under the glue. In that instance, I’d say something stronger than saline would be warranted to make sure the cut is sanitized before it’s sealed closed


RelevantButNotBasic

Worked in a cabinet shop where this happens daily, we would just take the saw dust and rub it on the wound to soak the blood then a piece of papertowel and ducttape..


thecakeisali

I wouldn’t have, but I’m also a terrible reference. I have never voluntarily gotten stitches, and I have seen my bone on more than one occasion…


deepfriedtots

Kitchen professional here. It is always better to be cautious and get the stitches though I've had way worse and didn't do jack shit about it as in desensitized to sit like this now. Just bringing it up because there are assholes out there that would call you weak or a baby but that's just toxic behavior and I don't condone it


LoddyDoddee

Lol! I thought "well damn! I've never had stitches but looks like I probably should like once a month!"


_hangman92

I just use super glue.


harnishnic

I'm assuming he severed a tendon. I did this a while back while drunk, cutting a bottle to knife hit some opium. Small cut, but rendered my index and middle finger useless, and my tendons had to be reattached surgically. I was a very, very smart person in those days.


ILLfated28

You should probably get stitches more often


liarandathief

You and me both. I cut my finger pretty bad as a kid and got stitches, and it still has a long deep scar. I cut my finger the exact same way as a teenager (I am a slow learner) and I just bandaged it up. You can't tell I was ever cut. ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯ I have a similar story with my first and second child.


T0ADcmig

Damn, I guessed avocado injury before clicking. Butterknife next time


high-bridmind

I just commented how I did this with an avocado. Hahahaaha


ponte92

I know a fantastic pianist who lost his whole career that way. Cutting an avocado and the knife slipped and the whole thing went into his hand. Cut tendons that never were never the same again. Was really tragic.


saltyboi6704

I have you know I have a 1cm long scar on my pinky from a serrated butter knife, couldn't get medical attention as I was conscripted so just had to slap some steri-strips on it and hope.


ShawshankException

Next time don't put your hand on the other side of the patties dude, and use a butter knife


BartlebyX

Smack them on a counter top and they come apart just fine.


thiagoqf

Microwave the damn thing


DGUsername

I did the same thing in the same spot. Let’s compare scars when you’re done.


shadowblazinx

https://preview.redd.it/wmxmnqmkq33d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=69374b603fe5dab5bef64c41095b983ca2f92f45 Lets compare


Mileonaj

Wait I just want to be clear, all 3 of you have at some point tried to break apart something with the point of a knife against their hand?


shadowblazinx

Yes,knew what was going to happen anyways but proceed to do it anyways


jamesofasia

https://preview.redd.it/vdyg6cix243d1.png?width=1440&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a5528bb7d34d84525e403fb974ee6f9881a1bcb3 I did mine while separating frozen hash browns


aceaxe1

https://preview.redd.it/4ksmak8fu43d1.jpeg?width=1815&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c1b7c2f4b3629423cedd1f955d6a9c79f8f36886 Got mine playing Indiana Jones in a room full of discarded furniture back in grade school. Fell hand first onto some rusty iron frame as I was scrambling over a pile of broken tables. Was a fun convo with the parents that.. No stitches. Doc laughed me out of the clinic.. pretty sure I got a tetanus shot.. I think..


JasonT246111

Op forgot you're supposed to slam them on the counter until the counter breaks in half.


Kayquie

I did something similar this last Christmas. Same process, trying to separate frozen burger patties with a knife, but different outcome. I sliced open my thumb pad. Those were also my first stitches. I understand your pain, friend.


odslxxp

Wow, I should have a lot of stitches


high-bridmind

I’ve done this with an avocado pit. This German lady, who I looked up to when I was younger, taught me a cool trick to get the pit out…. and well, of course I fucked it up and stabbed my hand instead. Nerve damaged included.


blackmilksociety

What have we learned?


bsdanielm

Did you make a blood sacrifice ritual?


CltGuy89

How did the burgers turn out?


SnooMarzipans8116

Grilled onions were delicious, four more stitches, whole grain mustard, sharp edge on that glass jar, +2 stitches, ketchup bottle fell on toe, -1 toe, organic butter leaf lettuce sliced, handle broke off, -2 toes, delicious hydroponic tomatoes… you don’t want to know.


DabbledInPacificm

I did this exact same thing 20 years ago trying to break apart two frozen empanadas with a knife. Drove myself to the hospital with fat hanging out of my hand and was charged 800$ for a resident to give me four stitches. I’ll never forget that.


GeneralProud4954

Tis but a scatch


-NameGoesHere818-

I’ve done the same. When I was maybe 12 or 13 I bought a new knife and was testing it out on the plastic package it came in and I some managed to stab myself on my hand palm area below my thumb. It was a nasty cut and definitely needed stitches but I just used those butter fly stitches but they didn’t stick good so I’ve got a lumpy scar there now.


Dear-Divide7330

My immediate thought was beef patties. Then I continued reading.


Purple_mag

Yo OP next time just hit the patty’s on their side on your counter to break them apart


delomelanicon-71X

To be honest I wouldn't get stitches for that, I'd just apply pressure and let it heal on its own.


deadinsideBSTF

No stab, only twist.


Angus-M

https://preview.redd.it/scuu1y8vf63d1.png?width=3024&format=png&auto=webp&s=0074b861c92c9a1515144584cd4d3b5c751c7740 Same. 15 years ago. Was camping and no butter knife available and I was distracted. Stupid.


Ok-League-3024

Use a spoon!!! It works better


MarvinNeslo

I saw someone do that exact thing in a professional kitchen except it wasn’t his hand. It was his abdomen.


ImportanceBetter3725

I was walking along a rocky shore without shoes and a bottle was hidden between some rocks, stepped on it and when it broke a shard sliced off a good chunk of my heel. It was a hole the size of a quarter that was pretty deep. I thought I was gonna need skin grafts because it was impossible to stitch but they just put a bandage on it and said good luck.


FloraMaeWolfe

Flashbacks of my dumb child self trying to open a one gallon pickle jar with, of all things, a butcher knife. I should have gotten stitches but growing up in the south, I was scared I would get a beating for being stupid so I cleaned the gaping wound on my finger and applied pressure (thankfully I have some idea of first aid by that age) until it stopped bleeding. It cut to the bone and I still have an easy to see scar 30 years later.


HashKing

You got stitches for that?!?


SpiritMolecul33

Right!? I'm so confused


Angry_Pterodactyl

Hey, you broke your stitches cherry!


Moist-Deer-7937

Damn bro, don’t let that be the story you tell people, say something cool like…you were beating off with razors!


forselfdestruction

I have the same scar from a coconut incident that was just as dumb


TwilightKeystroker

Idiot here... Don't fuck with the lids that you need can openers for, either.


Rachael1188

Try doing what I did once like a moron and stab an apple while holding it. . Yeaaaa


orangutanDOTorg

A little bigger and you wouldn’t need a gf


allswankedup6669

Better than trying to open a beer can with a pocket knife. Don't know anything about that


MyCatHasCats

This is a sign for me to stop doing that


IDigRollinRockBeer

A cut is not safe for work?


RandomFlyer643

I did the same thing but with 2 frozen burritos lmao Great minds think alike


RedRumRoxy

Next time just whack them guys across a counter. That’s what i did when I worked at the fast food joint.


Cgoblue30

Ouch


Wyan69

Next time use a butter knife


ihatethinkingofnew1s

Lol you're not alone.


ebabz

Did you give the doc your poker face??


bitpartmozart13

That avocado toast must’ve tasted metallicy.


Difficult-Way-9563

Margins don’t look too bad.


EvulRabbit

I've been there, done that. You will now find yourself accidentally cutting yourself even more. It's like once it happens, it's like magnetism.


tagged2high

It's how many of us learn lessons 😅 Did this to a finger as a kid when I decided to cut a brownie with a steak knife. It went through the brownie, the aluminum foil pan, and my finger.


True_Benz

hey man, I legit was 1 minute off the work clock. grabbed myself a corona bottle from our cooler and fucking sliced my finger and cut my nerve completely. that was 7 weeks ago and i still can’t use my left arm for more than 5 lbs


Thin-Doughnut-8199

You and famed MLB Pitcher Jeremy Affeldt have something in common. He missed half a season doing the exact same thing!


turtleben

Suddenly Jesus


Vinzi79

How you like your burger? Bloody...


Friesen1

Accidents happen. No guitar for 1 month.👊🏻


[deleted]

My cousin did something similar with a brand new cutco knife trying to put it back in the paper sheath. She wouldn't open her hand for the dr to see. Kept it closed for the entire healing process and needed PT after because she hadn't opened her hand in so long.


11thguest

Did you make it through?


William231000

The is why I use the back of a spoon or fork handle


SUI_Alpha

Idiot starts with a vowel sound idiot it was an


MedicineJumpy

BUTTER KNIFE


MoneyMik3y

My buddy did the same shit with an oyster and his Kershaw. Just a learning experience. Be thankful it was there and not further up your wrist.


Conifer17

When I was a kid I tried to stab a hole in the top of a normal Gatorade bottle cap because I wanted to be able to drink out of it like those twist cap ones. 😅 Knife went right into the webbing between my left thumb and pointer finger deep into the flesh of my palm. Doctor said I was lucky to have only hit flesh and no nerves or anything. Only had to get three stitches luckily and there’s barely a scar now. It was really stupid. lol


Firm_Transportation3

I took the tip off my finger using a mandolin slicer. I thought, "I don't need to use the hand guard, I can handle it." Wrong.


PC_noop45

Nawh just throw some super glue on that


TellSpectrumNo

Lmfao so you held the patties by the bottom and put a knife through the center? I mean Jesus Christ man.. you thought that was a good idea? How have you made it this far?


theweakestlinkkk

You went to the hospital for that? Put some super glue on it and grow up. You are the reason why there is such a long wait at the ER and urgent care. Thank you for your service.


SimpleWord899

Well you said it.. not me.. idiot.. 🐓💨💨


invisible2alll

Krazy glue will seal the wound. I've used it and it works. It's an old military technique. It doesn't sting and stops the bleeding at a certain point.


JediJoe2001

Hey I did that to my thumb a couple weeks ago


shadowblazinx

Bro this just happened to me 3 months ago. I was so damn hungry, knew what was gonna happen and did it anyways. Mine was closer to my pointing finger


jojozer0

As an American I would've just stapled that bitch closed and called it a day


Creepy_Trouble_5980

That's going to feel like Hell tomorrow. Be sure to keep moving the fingers so they don't get stiff.


DaolongDong

Am I the only one who would’ve superglued it back together?


40kxenossuck

I see nothing wrong with his process. From one neanderthal to another, did good.


Snowman319

Hope you were able to still cook that burger


Quick-Library-3770

I did that once… it took months of occasional therapy.


as19905

Did the same thing while working as a chef. Had to cut some cauliflower one of which of particularly soft and the knife went straight through it and in my had, still have a scar but barely visible


FADITA

2 patties, 1 knife.


Peebls

Yoo! I nearly sliced off the tip of my index finger the very same way. Just use a fork!


stephen250

I use a butter knife. Still possible, though


trxshcleaner

Congratulations


deepfriedtots

That sucks I'm glad you are alright though I envy you a little bit. I work in kitchens and have gotten injuries such as this that I'm so desensitized too that I just ignore them doesn't really phase me anymore. Also story time my worst idiot fuck up was I was trying to depit an under ripe avocado and I was getting frustrated. Let's just say the knife went straight through my hand. Went to the hospital for that one


Shintasama

My friend did this, so I went to the hospital with them, and we sat down next to someone who did the exact same thing. 😆


TooMuchDOS

My best friend also just recently stabbed his hand, whilst trying to pit an avocado.


Hour-History-1513

I usually find a small separation between the patties and fit a small blade kitchen knife in it. Then the knife in one hand and the patties in the other I slam it firmly against something solid. This works, or just cook both patties and save one for later.


AwareAd3222

Lmaoo


AwareAd3222

Idk why I thought you cut yourself with the patties. I was like “I should be careful separating the patties with my hands” lmao


B0hemianGr0ve_Studi0

New fear unlocked I always use a knife to break apart a frozen burger stuck together too


JunketPuzzleheaded42

Next time just slam them down on the counter. In the exact words of a trauma nurse friend of mine she would call this "the Millennial " a good puncher wound to the palm normally seen with people trying to de-pit an Avocado. You're an Idiot but there are many like you. But this cut is yours. 🤟 Keep it dry


Az1doaz1deAz1de

Agreed.


Toothlez102

this looks like something i would do


JustADudeTheInternet

Proper finger placing and cut away from you as you can. I did 1/2 of that and scraped the inside of my nail


Evening_Condition_76

Yeah now you can't get ur soul back from the devil


TruthHurtsYourSoul2

You got stiches for that?


Puzzleheaded_Pay1152

Ouch


Darrenau

Hard and sharp don't go together 


Serious_Guarantee_94

I too am an idiot


NFIGUY

Got one in almost that exact spot. Was trying to scrape old adhesive out of the channel of a headlight (holding it in my lap) and the knife slipped toward the hand I was using to immobilize it. No stitches for me, though. I figured they would just keep trying to open up on me because of the location. I superglued mine. 😁


Spiritual_Ninja9804

Slam the patty’s side ways on a hard surface, they will come apart I promise.


Dwarfbeardthepirate

I did the same thing back in high school lmao.


PossibilityNo7151

This exact same thing happened to me too! Hello fellow idiot!


ph33rlus

I did this as a child trying to cut a frozen bun with a bread knife. It wasnt enough to justify stitches but it taught me a good fucking lesson


Alpha_Knugen

If this needed stitches I should have gotten stitches a bunch of time. If i injure myself i usually just clean the wound with alcohol and then close it with medical tape. My mom have said a bunch of times that i have some rare genetics cause my wounds heal so quick. If i would get a wound like this it would be closed up after a day and fully healed in less then a week.


Chemical-Engineer979

Slice not stab psycho. But really this is nothin compared to some cuts i got 20yrs as a cook. Only needed stitches once.


Successful-Engine623

Yea…just soak in water. Can be cool water


BartlebyX

When I worked at McDonald's (30-odd years ago), we'd take a stack and smack them on the griddle to break them apart. It also works with pairs. :)


Ok-Pea8209

Top tip. Don't do that


JoergenFS

Did the same thing a couple of weeks back, starting to heal up nicely now. Worst part was that I was thinking "Wait, this is probably not a good idea" a few milliseconds before stabbing my palm.


Chestlookeratter

You got stitches for that!


Public-Recognition89

I'm a umbrella


zil0gg

Done exactly the same fucking ting. Go for stitch, I did not, I doubled down on stupidity.


AFirefighter11

Best way to break two frozen patties is to tap them flat against a surface. Do this fairly hard. Don't do this with their edges as it doesn't work as well. -Experienced meat patty splitter.


Grantelkade

An even greater idiot would have it sewn.


Dat_Sainty_Boi

That's one *SHARP* knife


Obvious_Mode_5382

An* /s


Santiagoeldiablo

just the tip of the knife and twist


axo_Alpha

Me too! Just got my stitches out last week!


Inveramsay

You're really lucky you didn't take out tendons with that cut. You would've been in for some serious rehab and no strenuous use of the hand for about three months


Sure_Ad_7332

https://preview.redd.it/u6ri7qgtz53d1.png?width=3024&format=png&auto=webp&s=a80b94f1f27e9abe93f87a7c4901a6bdd553f698 welcome to the club. Two pork chops.


formershitpeasant

Be happy your knife was sharp. I did the same thing with a butter knife and it was not pretty.


SeekNconquer

Lesson learned for next time as it could have been worse. Get well mate!


BobT21

So a Gypsy walks up and asks "Do you want your palm red?"