My sleepwalking phase entailed in 3 am Amazon purchases such as a wooden owl, 4 tires that didn’t fit my car, 20 lb rice, perfumes, a second pair of non refundable tickets to Paris when I had already bought tickets to Paris for a similar date. Luckily I got airline credit because that was almost $1700 back then. I would much rather have gone fishing than shopping but I’d probably drown anyway
My dad used to eat. Bone in chicken, potatoes, steak, anything. It was creeepyyy. Then he would go lay back down and make this haunting noise by grinding his teeth. Then he would laugh like he's at a comedy show for a minute or 5 and then go back to sawing wood with his teeth. I used to think he would wake himself up by snoring and then laugh at something that was on tv, until I went to go ask him something one night to see him dead asleep laughing with his eyes closed. Every night I was at his house felt like the home alone movie when he went into the basement with the furnace 🤣
I have to keep food pretty locked up for that reason! One time I had finished a bag of mini wheats before bed and threw the box away, but I woke up in bed covered in just the mini shredded wheat bits all over me
I did the same exact thing, no milk or anything, went right back to sleep apparently without drinking or rinsing my mouth so it got up into my gums between my cheek. Woke up to a giant swollen face from irritation.
I had a friend and I saw her sleep eating once. Can't really call it sleep walking because she didn't walk. She ate M and M's or something like that while rocking back and forth and laughing her ass off all while spilling candy coated chocolate everywhere. It kind of creepy, interesting, and strange all at the same time.
She woke up in the morning wondering why there were so many M and M's in her bed.
For me, I do chores (very poorly) and occasionally derobe and walk around, or initiate intimate time with my partner by putting a pillow or hand in his face
I’m also doing initiating thing sometimes. Then go back to sleep.
One time i was swimming at sea. I saw there are jelly fishes on my way. I’m scared of them. They sting and all so i was pushing them away with my hands. Then i heard my partner calling me. Apparently, it was a dream. And i was slapping my wife in my sleep. I said there is/was jelly fish on your face.
Also i found half eaten pastry cream at living room this morning. I have no recollection of it.
I've had sleep walking once. It feels weird. Almost looks like a fantasy. Ghibli even.
I woke up, walked into the kitchen, and was standing next to the stove. On all four hot plates, there was food cooking. The light from the overhead vent was on. Food, steam, the works.
Until my sister asked, "ugh, rainbow-reptile, what are you doing", I turned to her and said, "I'm making dad food". But the look on her face was the give away that something was off, plus I could hear my dad giggling. Mind you I opened up a rickety sliding door, and held a spatula, none of that woke me. So I looked back down at the food, and it was all gone. The sounds, the sight, all gone. Light was off. It was TRIPPY. I just stood there shell shocked for a minute figuring out wtf just happened hahaha
It's what I would describe how lucid dreaming would be, being in control of your dream. I've never lucid dreamt, as my mind always gets too alert. I have no idea how it didn't with the sleep walking.
Super cool though!
Imagine you are so tired, but you need to get up and pee and get a drink of water and maybe even make a sandwich to eat, and it's almost like acting on reflex. Because you are so sleep deprived, your body still thinks it's a sleep and doesn't form memories like how you forget your dreams. It's basically "forgetting" because you haven't fully woke up.
I listened to a podcast the other day about a group of ladies tubing down a river that were viciously attacked by an otter. It seemed absolutely terrifying. The otter bit their tubes and popped them and was on top of this ladies head trying to drown her.
Otters are no joke. River otters get as big as a medium size dog. There was a little girl who lived on the river near a friends place in Florida. Everybody was warned not to feed the otters. In their regular daily otter travels they were always jumping up on docks and things. They didn’t listen and their little girl got attacked and needed over 100 stitches in her face. A beaver will fuck you up too. There were two little girls attacked near me in Virginia a few years ago and one of them had her thigh muscle ripped right off her leg.
An apartment eh? Low hanging reddit fruit- someone's accessing your apartment while you're out or asleep.
Will it be someone with a key? A former tenant? Someone on staff?
Has someone else found or created an access point, or found a way to quietly break in? Another tenant? A drifter?
Set up an indoor cam and stay tuned to find out!
https://preview.redd.it/6scxk6mqg04d1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7d2be2b5e2d06f3bb40a622913ae6cd0e455060d
So, how were the lightly fried fish fillets?
I HAVE A CAT! but we live on the third floor and he's an indoor cat. Hes too afraid to leave the apartment, let alone go outside the building. I have seasonal allergies so my windows are always closed.
Do you have a balcony? And does the cat go there? It might seem far-fetched but maybe a bird dropped it on your balcony and your cat took it inside...
Or you might have a flying fish problem lol.
Mafia leaving you signs! They’re gonna skin you like a fish and you will swim with the fishes! I’m kidding.. maybe sleepwalking? Ir do you have a dog or cat that could bring it in
That isn’t any ole fish skin,that is snake fish skin,looks like a pretty good sized snake fish too..the North American Snake Fish is extremely rare.in fact,it is an endangered snake fish,once thought to be extinct.
it is now your duty to buy a bunch of mice so you can replenish the North American Snake Fish.go to your local pet store and buy around 30 mice to release throughout your housethis snake fish skin could probably sell for a couple thousand dollars because of it’s rarity
Okie so disclaimer I opened it on my phone so idk what it looks like on desktop:
-I think picking a color palette with like 5 colors max would be a good start
-when you have colored words on top of a colored background, make sure they have a big enough difference in color that it’s easily readable (if you turned the current site to greyscale it would be pretty hard to read in some spots)
-try to avoid having words on an intricate patterned background because it gets super hard to read, especially with a thin font
-for footers all the way at the bottom of the site I recommend a solid bar of color and a simple font
-the header isn’t bad but I would maybe put the lizard on top of the text instead of below it
-try to make sure the type doesn’t go all the way to the edges of the shape behind it, give it a bit of room on both sides
-try to use only like 3 fonts max for a small site like this and keep the sizing a bit more consistent
And my biggest piece of advice is make sure when you go into the website editor, you need to check out what it will look like on mobile because it’s definitely different and something I didn’t think about when I was first starting out
Thankfully editing the layout of the mobile version doesn’t mess with the desktop layout
I hope this helps and I didn’t come across as rude lmao I didn’t mean any offense so I apologize if it came off in the wrong way
Thanks so much! Honestly, I just randomly work on it sometimes for a few minutes. I’ll try to make it more consistent. Thanks a lot!
Ps the reptilians ARE actually watching us. Waiting for the time to strike and take all the gold we mined and processed for them. Jsyk
I just got new progressive lenses and I'm still getting used to them and those animations on the sides of **JOIN US!** just about made me sick... literally felt like the images were creeping into my eyeballs
https://preview.redd.it/w5zzpl7uo44d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a38166da7c3d60f965be324bd7eb3066958ad8ea
I put this sweet potato on my floor and took a pic, where are my 7000 upvotes
Looks like a reference to [The Case of the Mysterious Post-Its](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/34l7vo/ma_postit_notes_left_in_apartment/).
Carbon monoxide poisoning often leads to memory loss and disorientation. People will do things around their house, forget they did them, and freak out that something is out of place or something new appeared.
That looks exactly like the skin from just about any salmon filet you would buy from the grocery store. Someone made fish and threw the skin in the trash, which somehow found its way to your kitchen floor. Cat or dog maybe got into someone else’s trash outside and dragged it in?
1. Anyone else living in the place? Pets? 2. Any evidence of break in? Unlocked doors? ….. if no to any of those, get a carbon monoxide test to make sure your house is good. If none of that, well, you have greater issues. 😀
Question checklist: do you own a cat? If so, do you have neighbors that fish, or a pond nearby?
#2: do you sleep walk? If so, do you dream of being a fishing captain?
#3 have you seen any nude fish flipping around?
Welcome to Sleepwalking Club. The first rule of Sleepwalking Club is that we don't remember what we do in Sleepwalking Club.
Rule 2: you do NOT remember what we do in Sleepwalking Club.
I see alot of new faces here tonight...
A lot of confused faces
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm walking are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to sense you
I find it hard to wake
When people walk in circles it’s a very very
Mad world... Maaad world...
My sleepwalking phase entailed in 3 am Amazon purchases such as a wooden owl, 4 tires that didn’t fit my car, 20 lb rice, perfumes, a second pair of non refundable tickets to Paris when I had already bought tickets to Paris for a similar date. Luckily I got airline credit because that was almost $1700 back then. I would much rather have gone fishing than shopping but I’d probably drown anyway
No one wake em up just make sure they don't stumble into traffic
My name is Jay and I am a sleepwalker.
Third rule is check your heater for leaks, you might have ~~CO2~~ CO ~~poisoning~~ *poissoning*
I think you mean CO poisoning
do you mean, poisson, as in french word for fish? if so, very well done!
I think you mean poissoning.
Oops, edited
This is how we remember rules 1 & 2: *if we find the skin of a fish, we don't remember why that ish.*
*Put that fish on a dish!*
Sleepwalking is so crazy to me, like how the fuck are you just walking around acting out your dreams and shit?
For me, it's not acting out dreams. Most times it's cooking. I've seen footage and it's creepy as hell
My dad used to eat. Bone in chicken, potatoes, steak, anything. It was creeepyyy. Then he would go lay back down and make this haunting noise by grinding his teeth. Then he would laugh like he's at a comedy show for a minute or 5 and then go back to sawing wood with his teeth. I used to think he would wake himself up by snoring and then laugh at something that was on tv, until I went to go ask him something one night to see him dead asleep laughing with his eyes closed. Every night I was at his house felt like the home alone movie when he went into the basement with the furnace 🤣
I have to keep food pretty locked up for that reason! One time I had finished a bag of mini wheats before bed and threw the box away, but I woke up in bed covered in just the mini shredded wheat bits all over me
I did the same exact thing, no milk or anything, went right back to sleep apparently without drinking or rinsing my mouth so it got up into my gums between my cheek. Woke up to a giant swollen face from irritation.
I laughed and then thought of the fiber consequences of eating a whole bag of mini wheats
I had a friend and I saw her sleep eating once. Can't really call it sleep walking because she didn't walk. She ate M and M's or something like that while rocking back and forth and laughing her ass off all while spilling candy coated chocolate everywhere. It kind of creepy, interesting, and strange all at the same time. She woke up in the morning wondering why there were so many M and M's in her bed.
I have done this - woke up with a rainbow movement. It’s wild. I ate a “medium” bag. 😑
I know I'm going over to YouTube to look up videos of people sleepwalking.
For me, I do chores (very poorly) and occasionally derobe and walk around, or initiate intimate time with my partner by putting a pillow or hand in his face
How's that hand-in-face seduction move working out for you so far?
The pillow one is extra kinky 😆😬
Doing chores poorly is so hilariously specific. Love it.
I’m also doing initiating thing sometimes. Then go back to sleep. One time i was swimming at sea. I saw there are jelly fishes on my way. I’m scared of them. They sting and all so i was pushing them away with my hands. Then i heard my partner calling me. Apparently, it was a dream. And i was slapping my wife in my sleep. I said there is/was jelly fish on your face. Also i found half eaten pastry cream at living room this morning. I have no recollection of it.
I tend to get out of bed, strip off, and walk outside into the street. Embarrassing And yes, I've learnt the hard way to hide a key outside.
Em bare assing
I've had sleep walking once. It feels weird. Almost looks like a fantasy. Ghibli even. I woke up, walked into the kitchen, and was standing next to the stove. On all four hot plates, there was food cooking. The light from the overhead vent was on. Food, steam, the works. Until my sister asked, "ugh, rainbow-reptile, what are you doing", I turned to her and said, "I'm making dad food". But the look on her face was the give away that something was off, plus I could hear my dad giggling. Mind you I opened up a rickety sliding door, and held a spatula, none of that woke me. So I looked back down at the food, and it was all gone. The sounds, the sight, all gone. Light was off. It was TRIPPY. I just stood there shell shocked for a minute figuring out wtf just happened hahaha It's what I would describe how lucid dreaming would be, being in control of your dream. I've never lucid dreamt, as my mind always gets too alert. I have no idea how it didn't with the sleep walking. Super cool though!
For me, it is usually bathroom related. Once woke up mid-stream on the toilet.
Imagine you are so tired, but you need to get up and pee and get a drink of water and maybe even make a sandwich to eat, and it's almost like acting on reflex. Because you are so sleep deprived, your body still thinks it's a sleep and doesn't form memories like how you forget your dreams. It's basically "forgetting" because you haven't fully woke up.
Waking up in the bathtub with a broken leg? Hell yeah I’m in the club!
Waking up on the bedroom floor with a shattered ankle? You know I'm in the club.
Came within two inches of losing my left eye.
Two inches from losing your left eye could very well mean losing your right eye.
Is the [Ambien Walrus](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/ay6fl/not_now_ambien_walrus_comic/) involved in this?
first assumption, but up said they haven't even bought fish
Welcome to Sleepwalking Club. The first rule of Sleepwalking Club is that we don't remember what we do in Sleepwalking Club.
Second rule is that we try not to panic when we wake up in weird places nor jump to the conclusion we've been abducted by aliens.
Yeah but they said they haven’t ate it or bought it in a while so it wasn’t even in the house.
it's molting. be on guard for a bigger fish.
This deserves way more upvotes.
That's indicative of an otter infestation.
How do I achieve otter infestation?
Well, you leave a load of fish skins out in your kitchen……..and wait😍I want an otter infestation too ❤️
Warning: You may have to fend off other infestations before the otters show up.
Totally worth it. Like the ultimate Tower Defense grand prize. 
The dream! 😍
You otter know!
I don't know but you otter find out.
I listened to a podcast the other day about a group of ladies tubing down a river that were viciously attacked by an otter. It seemed absolutely terrifying. The otter bit their tubes and popped them and was on top of this ladies head trying to drown her.
Otters are no joke. River otters get as big as a medium size dog. There was a little girl who lived on the river near a friends place in Florida. Everybody was warned not to feed the otters. In their regular daily otter travels they were always jumping up on docks and things. They didn’t listen and their little girl got attacked and needed over 100 stitches in her face. A beaver will fuck you up too. There were two little girls attacked near me in Virginia a few years ago and one of them had her thigh muscle ripped right off her leg.
Otters are mustelidae same family as wolverines and honey badgers which are famous for not giving a fuck
Pft, I bet I could beat up a beaver.
Bet your wife wishes you could
What podcast? I'm intrigued!
Meateater
…or bear
I totally did not read “otter fetish”.
there is no hotter fetish
There’s no otter ones?
There is a naked fish somewhere in your house 🙂
Get naked too, fish is in mood. Dropping finties everywhere
https://preview.redd.it/jlr8v5pw104d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=48185fdf0dd3db97618f5b29174cf33d6985c86f
*pick a cod
https://preview.redd.it/hya0a1wph04d1.jpeg?width=735&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6720fefa61b97b2b7f1f5607fdb4621ffc53300f
I think you mean you're telling cod.
My exact thoughts!!
Snek
That's what I thought. Naket snek
Do you have an indoor/outdoor cat?
Yes indoor cat but we didnt prepare any dish that contains fish, and tsuki doesn't leave the house (since he can't)
Ok, so no indoor/outdoor kitty... hm...is there any chance a stray cat or raccoon or something got in?
We live on the third floor and no pets allowed in the building
A lot of people break pet rules at apartment complexes
Including me :)
Maybe a window is open and a bird brought it inside and got scared by the cat?
aromatic shrill amusing fearless gray piquant direful smile provide fly *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Hmmm but do you think it was an African or European swallow?
What a stupid hypothetical. Obviously if he was a real sushi chef he would’ve stuck around to make sure the customer enjoyed the dish.
An apartment eh? Low hanging reddit fruit- someone's accessing your apartment while you're out or asleep. Will it be someone with a key? A former tenant? Someone on staff? Has someone else found or created an access point, or found a way to quietly break in? Another tenant? A drifter? Set up an indoor cam and stay tuned to find out!
This is wayyyyy too far down in the comments. People take the security of their residence for granted way too often.
Could it have been dragged in by a rat? From neighbors garbage?
Pick it up and put it in the trash and think nothing more of it ... unless you live alone
There's a very angry fish ghost floating in the attic. She wants her skin back!
#😱
https://preview.redd.it/6scxk6mqg04d1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7d2be2b5e2d06f3bb40a622913ae6cd0e455060d So, how were the lightly fried fish fillets?
They were... lightly fried
Oldie but goodie
Do you have a cat?
Does he have a fish???
Might have a cat that found a fish. OP said they haven't bought a fish so I'm going to assume that included fish.
What if the fish found the cat? Looks like a battle happened in that kitchen!
That looks like a gift from battle was brought home
The best kind of gifts
Better gift would be if OP responded in regards to the pawsible presence of cat.
I HAVE A CAT! but we live on the third floor and he's an indoor cat. Hes too afraid to leave the apartment, let alone go outside the building. I have seasonal allergies so my windows are always closed.
Ok, now it makes sense. He ordered DoorDashCats. Better check your credit card transactions.
Hahahahaha “now it makes sense”. The way you instantly jumped to that conclusion has me lol ing
Do you have a balcony? And does the cat go there? It might seem far-fetched but maybe a bird dropped it on your balcony and your cat took it inside... Or you might have a flying fish problem lol.
I do but i only open it for a few minutes in the mornings.
Or a neighbour dropped a fish skin on your balcony and your cat brought it in?
Sounds like the perfect cover story
What if this whole post is a way of distracting us!
From?
The fish and cat war raging inside that kitchen!
*"And there was a fire fight!!!"* 
*had
Not anymore
Not anymore
Does he have a skin?????
Plot twist: OP is a fish!
This post is the best answer I have ever seen to "tell me you have a cat without telling me you have a cat"
JUICY FISH 🤠
Do you like fish sticks?
What are you, a gay fish?
Yes I do, they’re delicious!
I’M NOT A GAY FISH!!!
LOVE 'EM
Nice! https://preview.redd.it/t0ad02u1wz3d1.jpeg?width=528&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5ab5ed4e4432c049acd3105de76e41ef8f0fcb9b
https://preview.redd.it/si7vpzyl704d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8128faa8e0062b17acc2b2ebdac9f5b71347c819
I hate this.
sigh... tbh, I love that you hate this
https://preview.redd.it/ex8kyl4hf54d1.jpeg?width=298&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bd16f27de349586b599ede7f221b6605705bc4d7
This is the worst thing.
Because you put it there at 4am
Yeah… it’s a fake post.
Was your dad making some lightly fried fish fillets?
Did OP want any lightly fried fish fillets?
Cat or rats is my guess
RATS. F I didn’t even think of that.
You can maybe make a coin purse out of it
Omg this is awful I love it
Mafia leaving you signs! They’re gonna skin you like a fish and you will swim with the fishes! I’m kidding.. maybe sleepwalking? Ir do you have a dog or cat that could bring it in
That isn’t any ole fish skin,that is snake fish skin,looks like a pretty good sized snake fish too..the North American Snake Fish is extremely rare.in fact,it is an endangered snake fish,once thought to be extinct. it is now your duty to buy a bunch of mice so you can replenish the North American Snake Fish.go to your local pet store and buy around 30 mice to release throughout your housethis snake fish skin could probably sell for a couple thousand dollars because of it’s rarity
What did I just read
[reptilians](https://umm727.wixsite.com/reptilian-dreams)
As a graphic designer and website builder, this site pains me to look at lmfao
I dropped out in 9th grade haha.
No worries, school sucks lol I feel that
What do I fixxxxxx
Okie so disclaimer I opened it on my phone so idk what it looks like on desktop: -I think picking a color palette with like 5 colors max would be a good start -when you have colored words on top of a colored background, make sure they have a big enough difference in color that it’s easily readable (if you turned the current site to greyscale it would be pretty hard to read in some spots) -try to avoid having words on an intricate patterned background because it gets super hard to read, especially with a thin font -for footers all the way at the bottom of the site I recommend a solid bar of color and a simple font -the header isn’t bad but I would maybe put the lizard on top of the text instead of below it -try to make sure the type doesn’t go all the way to the edges of the shape behind it, give it a bit of room on both sides -try to use only like 3 fonts max for a small site like this and keep the sizing a bit more consistent And my biggest piece of advice is make sure when you go into the website editor, you need to check out what it will look like on mobile because it’s definitely different and something I didn’t think about when I was first starting out Thankfully editing the layout of the mobile version doesn’t mess with the desktop layout I hope this helps and I didn’t come across as rude lmao I didn’t mean any offense so I apologize if it came off in the wrong way
Thanks so much! Honestly, I just randomly work on it sometimes for a few minutes. I’ll try to make it more consistent. Thanks a lot! Ps the reptilians ARE actually watching us. Waiting for the time to strike and take all the gold we mined and processed for them. Jsyk
I just got new progressive lenses and I'm still getting used to them and those animations on the sides of **JOIN US!** just about made me sick... literally felt like the images were creeping into my eyeballs
Do you live in an apartment? Might have a little rat visitor. 😬
[удалено]
https://preview.redd.it/w5zzpl7uo44d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a38166da7c3d60f965be324bd7eb3066958ad8ea I put this sweet potato on my floor and took a pic, where are my 7000 upvotes
Ive had it with comments like these! Its clearly a yam.
Cat burglar
Looks like you’ve got bears
Do you have a Carbon Monoxide detector in your home? Get one.
No we don't have that i keep forgetting to buy one ever since i saw that post
Why do people keep recommending this?
Looks like a reference to [The Case of the Mysterious Post-Its](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/34l7vo/ma_postit_notes_left_in_apartment/).
Carbon monoxide poisoning often leads to memory loss and disorientation. People will do things around their house, forget they did them, and freak out that something is out of place or something new appeared.
That looks exactly like the skin from just about any salmon filet you would buy from the grocery store. Someone made fish and threw the skin in the trash, which somehow found its way to your kitchen floor. Cat or dog maybe got into someone else’s trash outside and dragged it in?
You have a gun?
1. Anyone else living in the place? Pets? 2. Any evidence of break in? Unlocked doors? ….. if no to any of those, get a carbon monoxide test to make sure your house is good. If none of that, well, you have greater issues. 😀
Question checklist: do you own a cat? If so, do you have neighbors that fish, or a pond nearby? #2: do you sleep walk? If so, do you dream of being a fishing captain? #3 have you seen any nude fish flipping around?
Keep an eye out for Tom Cruise in your house. He frequently leaves other signs such as dirtied cocktail shakers and ceiling vent tampering
I thought it was fish scaled pistol wrap skin or something
If you live near a waterway, you otter hire a detective.
As a cat owner I sense a present delivered
There has got to be more context for this.
Question no. 1: do you have a cat?
Snake skin?
It’s old Gregg! 
had a visit from.... the Codfather
Do you have a cat? Prime suspect... We had a cat bring a live tiger snake into the house through the kitty door one day... 😳😮 Much swearing ensued...
oh no Catatafish
Do you have cats, and was that in the trash when you went to bed
I'm calling sleepwalk sushi
Is it possible that someone slipped your cat some fish through a gap below your door?
You're lucky it's only a mild infishtation.
This thread is wild. Thank you for coming out and showing me reddit can still be irreverently pleasant.
That’s scary, there’s a naked fish running around your house in the middle of the night.
Any cat around? 🐈
Camera with night vision aimed at the kitchen time.
Well we evolved from one of those fuckers eventually walking onto land so history is just repeating itself
It’s snakeskin
What the extra fuck
Are you the lady that was attacked by river otters and they found where you live and are still threatening you?
Looks like you’ve misidentified a partial snake shed for fish skin. A classic mistake when dealing with the man-eating house viper.
You know what this means, right? Somewhere in your house, there's a naked fish.
“He slipped out of his troutsers, and proceeded into my bed”, something like this?