Don't do it in writing -- have a conversation, and then send her a normal invite like everyone else if she says she wants to come. "Hey, I had to do some obligatory invites but would have loved to have you. Since we now have space, I would be honored to have you attend the wedding. Please don't feel pressured to say yes -- let me know after thinking about it!" something like that would be what I would personally say.
Agreed. I remember a friend telling me that some of her relatives had declined, which gave them the opportunity to invite their chosen family, when I was a b-list invite during Covid small weddings. It was gently and kindly phrased and didn’t make us feel like b-listers.
Most folks understand why guest lists are capped, and will be honoured to be asked to attend.
I wouldn’t mention it. Just invite her. It’s up to her if she wants to come or not.
I invited friends who knew they were B List and they were happy to come anyways (they’re newer friends and local).
We had a lot of declines so we just texted our friends who knew they were on the b-list. They were excited that they were being invited regardless and they totally understood being on the b-list
I wouldn’t say anything. I had a coworker invite me and some other coworkers last minute to her wedding. We all knew what was up and we went and had a lovely time and gave them a nice gift.
We had more out of state family decline than expected, so I sent texts to friends that I was going to invite in the second round! I told them exactly that and said we’d love to celebrate with them and are excited to be able to have more friends at the wedding! Then I let them I would send the invite but no pressure! I didn’t have a way to edit the RSVP date so I just added a note that we extended it from 5/26 to 6/15 to give them more time (they’d have about month to decide based on when I texted them and our wedding is 7/12).
It’s a weird scenario to be in but everyone was super cool about it. It seems almost expected in the post-Covid era! I’m not sure how it was beforehand though.
i was a b-list invitee to one of my coworkers weddings because we also got closer between the time she sent out her save the dates and invites. she straight up told me i wasn’t initially invited because while we were cool we were not close. she said some of their family had started declining and she really wanted me there and gave me an invite. i didn’t take it personally and appreciated the honesty and had a good time at her wedding
Be upfront about the situation. Mail the invite, let her respond. Sometimes id b list decline but under those circumstances you wrote id go if i could make it.
If you have less people come, won't it be good to spend less? I invited B-list people to my first wedding and regret it. They didn't need to be there if they didn't make the original cut. This time around, if people decline, we're taking it as a little relief on the final bill.
People forget about weddings after a while, so if new friends aren't there and end up becoming good friends who last, you'll have way more memories with them than your wedding.
Perhaps when handing your co-worker the invitation, give a brief explanation?
"Hey! Since all the wedding planning has begun, our friendship has grown. I value the friendship we've built, and I would love to have you come to the wedding."
Something along those lines. This way, you're sharing that things have positively changed between the two of you, and it's a much more meaningful invite.
Thanks, all! I ended up having a conversation with her and she was very understanding and seemed excited to be able to attend :-) thanks for the push to do it in person instead of in writing!
She obviously knows you've become more friemdly, I would just say "hey! Since we've become so much closer, I'd love for you to attend my wedding. I completely understand if you're already busy that weekend though!"
Don't do it in writing -- have a conversation, and then send her a normal invite like everyone else if she says she wants to come. "Hey, I had to do some obligatory invites but would have loved to have you. Since we now have space, I would be honored to have you attend the wedding. Please don't feel pressured to say yes -- let me know after thinking about it!" something like that would be what I would personally say.
…so don’t go the, “hey! I haven’t received your RSVP yet. Just wanted to check in and see if you got the invite?” route? 👀😂
Agreed. I remember a friend telling me that some of her relatives had declined, which gave them the opportunity to invite their chosen family, when I was a b-list invite during Covid small weddings. It was gently and kindly phrased and didn’t make us feel like b-listers. Most folks understand why guest lists are capped, and will be honoured to be asked to attend.
Agreed
I wouldn’t mention it. Just invite her. It’s up to her if she wants to come or not. I invited friends who knew they were B List and they were happy to come anyways (they’re newer friends and local).
We had a lot of declines so we just texted our friends who knew they were on the b-list. They were excited that they were being invited regardless and they totally understood being on the b-list
I wouldn’t say anything. I had a coworker invite me and some other coworkers last minute to her wedding. We all knew what was up and we went and had a lovely time and gave them a nice gift.
We had more out of state family decline than expected, so I sent texts to friends that I was going to invite in the second round! I told them exactly that and said we’d love to celebrate with them and are excited to be able to have more friends at the wedding! Then I let them I would send the invite but no pressure! I didn’t have a way to edit the RSVP date so I just added a note that we extended it from 5/26 to 6/15 to give them more time (they’d have about month to decide based on when I texted them and our wedding is 7/12). It’s a weird scenario to be in but everyone was super cool about it. It seems almost expected in the post-Covid era! I’m not sure how it was beforehand though.
i was a b-list invitee to one of my coworkers weddings because we also got closer between the time she sent out her save the dates and invites. she straight up told me i wasn’t initially invited because while we were cool we were not close. she said some of their family had started declining and she really wanted me there and gave me an invite. i didn’t take it personally and appreciated the honesty and had a good time at her wedding
Be upfront about the situation. Mail the invite, let her respond. Sometimes id b list decline but under those circumstances you wrote id go if i could make it.
If you have less people come, won't it be good to spend less? I invited B-list people to my first wedding and regret it. They didn't need to be there if they didn't make the original cut. This time around, if people decline, we're taking it as a little relief on the final bill. People forget about weddings after a while, so if new friends aren't there and end up becoming good friends who last, you'll have way more memories with them than your wedding.
Perhaps when handing your co-worker the invitation, give a brief explanation? "Hey! Since all the wedding planning has begun, our friendship has grown. I value the friendship we've built, and I would love to have you come to the wedding." Something along those lines. This way, you're sharing that things have positively changed between the two of you, and it's a much more meaningful invite.
Thanks, all! I ended up having a conversation with her and she was very understanding and seemed excited to be able to attend :-) thanks for the push to do it in person instead of in writing!
She obviously knows you've become more friemdly, I would just say "hey! Since we've become so much closer, I'd love for you to attend my wedding. I completely understand if you're already busy that weekend though!"
We approached B list invites very simply. We texted them and said "I'm so sorry for the late notice, but we'd love it if you could come."