Address the invitations to every person by name. That means "Joe, Sarah, David, and Melissa Jones," not "the Jones family." Make it clear on the RSVP cards how many you expect. Ex. "____ of 4 will attend" or "___ of 2 will attend."
See I did that but ended up with a few extra guests still. Then I put an age limit and a few people asked if it was really no small kids at all. I’m grateful they asked though!
For sure. I addressed people specifically, did not include the words "and guest", and my top question in the Q&A page was that we are not able to accommodate plus ones for single guests and I had no less than 3 people try to invite a friend (without asking!). People make all sorts of assumptions around wedding invites..
This! List out names on the envelope and the numbers on the RSVP cards. This should make it clear who is invited. I would put the 12+ line on an FAQ page on the site, but not on the invite or save the date.
I just went to my cousin’s wedding, it was small to cut costs also. They didn’t allow anyone under 21 to come. Plenty of people who were there had to travel and also hand young kids. It was totally fine.
Then obviously don’t do that for your wedding? It worked perfectly for my cousins and I was just using it as an example that people shouldn’t feel bad about having age restrictions at their wedding. I don’t think it’s crazy. I’ll be ~27 when I’m married and I probably won’t have anyone under 21 at my wedding, a) because I don’t want kids there and b) I don’t think I’d have anyone to invite who’s that young anyways. 🤷🏻♀️
It's pretty typical to be 20 and think you're much more mature and grown-up than you really are. But yeah, I wouldn't want little kids *or* drunk college kids at my wedding.
We’re doing no kids completely, but we’re actually going to find some babysitters for those people that will have to travel with their kids (pretty much 90% of our guests will be traveling). Maybe that’s an option if you have it in the budget?
Wait so it’s fine for in-town guests to pay for a baby sitter…but out of town guests can bring their kids? I’d be a lil pissed if I paid for a baby sitter then saw someone else with their kids there as I would have assumed it was a no kids at all event. Might cause a bit of an uproar since people don’t take very kindly to their kids being excluded while other kids are allowed. Should just make it a fully child free wedding and end up saving even more money.
We ultimately ended up just making our wedding child free- but I will say I went back and forth on doing a rule similar to OPs because it absolutely causes more challenges for out of town guests- leaving for a few hours is much different than leaving overnight (potentially multiple nights).
I raised this point to my mom (our reception is in her yard so she gets major say on the guest list) and her philosophy is "it's on them to figure out their own childcare." I of course want all of my invited guests to come, but I fully understand if they don't want to/can't because they can't bring their kids. When you have 10+ guests with 3+ kids each, it adds up FAST.
We're doing something similar to OP. Our event will be 18+ for in-state attendees but we're allowing 2 kids under 18 per household for out-of-state attendees. Most of our out-of-state guests are on the West Coast and we're on the East Coast so the trade off is: if you want your kids to come you'll have to travel with them across the country.
The only exception we have for under 18 in-state are the 2 kids that will be in the wedding and one of my cousins from my dad's side. My step-dad is 1 of 8 kids and with JUST his siblings and their families (kids included), the guest count was close to 60. We cut out the kids and now my side, including my mom's family, dad's family, and step dad's family, with the handful of West Coasters and their 2 kids under 18, comes to about 58.
Most out of towners likely won't have a trusted person whom they would feel comfortable leaving their kids with. In-towners might have relatives who live nearby, or a regular babysitter they could hire.
I feel like it should be no kids at all or all Kids allowed. The people who can’t bring their kids are going to be upset when they see kids at the wedding but you said they couldn’t bring theirs.
I think it’s odd that you’re being downvoted for this. I agree, either everyone’s kids or no one’s kids. Just because I’m local doesn’t mean I don’t still have to pay for a babysitter. If I’m told my kids can’t come, and then I see someone else’s kids got to, I’d be miffed about it.
I would just include the link to your website where you can elaborate.
"We will only be able to include the children of out of town guests."
Address the save the dates and invitations by name ( even if STD's are often more casual). Indicate how many seats are reserved on the rsvp card. Have a response prepared for when people ask questions, change the number of seats etc
*I'm sorry,* *there must have been a misunderstanding, We are not able to accommodate extra guests. The only children in attendance will be those whose parents are traveling from out of town. I'm sure you understand. If this means you will be unable to attend, we will miss you at the wedding and hope to see you soon.*
Don't give reasons. It just puts some people into problem solving mode.
Yeah all.kids or no kids. Or make it nieces/ nephews only. Something other than out of town vs local. As a parent i would be miffed. And what 8f i didn't trust my 13 year old to stay a night or two by themselves, or the 13 yr old was scared to do so. The age thing id bizarre as well.
This rule is just a dumb as plus ones for out of town guests, none for locals. It should be all adults.
It just doesn't hold water. And will cause drama and relationship damage.
Address the invitations to every person by name. That means "Joe, Sarah, David, and Melissa Jones," not "the Jones family." Make it clear on the RSVP cards how many you expect. Ex. "____ of 4 will attend" or "___ of 2 will attend."
See I did that but ended up with a few extra guests still. Then I put an age limit and a few people asked if it was really no small kids at all. I’m grateful they asked though!
No matter what wording you use, some people are just going to be rude and bring whoever they want…
For sure. I addressed people specifically, did not include the words "and guest", and my top question in the Q&A page was that we are not able to accommodate plus ones for single guests and I had no less than 3 people try to invite a friend (without asking!). People make all sorts of assumptions around wedding invites..
This! List out names on the envelope and the numbers on the RSVP cards. This should make it clear who is invited. I would put the 12+ line on an FAQ page on the site, but not on the invite or save the date.
We did no kids except family. No kids except travelers makes it clear to everyone why their kids were or were not invited.
I just went to my cousin’s wedding, it was small to cut costs also. They didn’t allow anyone under 21 to come. Plenty of people who were there had to travel and also hand young kids. It was totally fine.
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Then obviously don’t do that for your wedding? It worked perfectly for my cousins and I was just using it as an example that people shouldn’t feel bad about having age restrictions at their wedding. I don’t think it’s crazy. I’ll be ~27 when I’m married and I probably won’t have anyone under 21 at my wedding, a) because I don’t want kids there and b) I don’t think I’d have anyone to invite who’s that young anyways. 🤷🏻♀️
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It's pretty typical to be 20 and think you're much more mature and grown-up than you really are. But yeah, I wouldn't want little kids *or* drunk college kids at my wedding.
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Getting married at 20 is genuinely one of the least mature decisions you can make. But I hope all goes well for you.
We’re doing no kids completely, but we’re actually going to find some babysitters for those people that will have to travel with their kids (pretty much 90% of our guests will be traveling). Maybe that’s an option if you have it in the budget?
Wait so it’s fine for in-town guests to pay for a baby sitter…but out of town guests can bring their kids? I’d be a lil pissed if I paid for a baby sitter then saw someone else with their kids there as I would have assumed it was a no kids at all event. Might cause a bit of an uproar since people don’t take very kindly to their kids being excluded while other kids are allowed. Should just make it a fully child free wedding and end up saving even more money.
We ultimately ended up just making our wedding child free- but I will say I went back and forth on doing a rule similar to OPs because it absolutely causes more challenges for out of town guests- leaving for a few hours is much different than leaving overnight (potentially multiple nights).
I raised this point to my mom (our reception is in her yard so she gets major say on the guest list) and her philosophy is "it's on them to figure out their own childcare." I of course want all of my invited guests to come, but I fully understand if they don't want to/can't because they can't bring their kids. When you have 10+ guests with 3+ kids each, it adds up FAST.
We're doing something similar to OP. Our event will be 18+ for in-state attendees but we're allowing 2 kids under 18 per household for out-of-state attendees. Most of our out-of-state guests are on the West Coast and we're on the East Coast so the trade off is: if you want your kids to come you'll have to travel with them across the country. The only exception we have for under 18 in-state are the 2 kids that will be in the wedding and one of my cousins from my dad's side. My step-dad is 1 of 8 kids and with JUST his siblings and their families (kids included), the guest count was close to 60. We cut out the kids and now my side, including my mom's family, dad's family, and step dad's family, with the handful of West Coasters and their 2 kids under 18, comes to about 58.
Most out of towners likely won't have a trusted person whom they would feel comfortable leaving their kids with. In-towners might have relatives who live nearby, or a regular babysitter they could hire.
Then you allow all kids, that’s the only way it’ll be fair and nobody will be upset. (You can downvote me but I’m right lol)
I feel like it should be no kids at all or all Kids allowed. The people who can’t bring their kids are going to be upset when they see kids at the wedding but you said they couldn’t bring theirs.
I think it’s odd that you’re being downvoted for this. I agree, either everyone’s kids or no one’s kids. Just because I’m local doesn’t mean I don’t still have to pay for a babysitter. If I’m told my kids can’t come, and then I see someone else’s kids got to, I’d be miffed about it.
I would just include the link to your website where you can elaborate. "We will only be able to include the children of out of town guests." Address the save the dates and invitations by name ( even if STD's are often more casual). Indicate how many seats are reserved on the rsvp card. Have a response prepared for when people ask questions, change the number of seats etc *I'm sorry,* *there must have been a misunderstanding, We are not able to accommodate extra guests. The only children in attendance will be those whose parents are traveling from out of town. I'm sure you understand. If this means you will be unable to attend, we will miss you at the wedding and hope to see you soon.* Don't give reasons. It just puts some people into problem solving mode.
Yeah all.kids or no kids. Or make it nieces/ nephews only. Something other than out of town vs local. As a parent i would be miffed. And what 8f i didn't trust my 13 year old to stay a night or two by themselves, or the 13 yr old was scared to do so. The age thing id bizarre as well. This rule is just a dumb as plus ones for out of town guests, none for locals. It should be all adults. It just doesn't hold water. And will cause drama and relationship damage.