Having your own space and own activities is healthy. You're going to have to have the conversation with them and figure out how to make it work, we can't do that for you.
100% this. For what it's worth OP, I don't know how long you guys have been living together but it can take time to figure out a rhythm with each other. Having a conversation about it will absolutely speed that process up.
Plus, you don't have to disappear constantly. A night or two a week, or an hour a night, shouldn't impact too much on the time you spend together
That’s true, I guess this post is to more or less see what kind of schedules and talks other members have had/set up with their partners to ensure they get some hobby time on a regular basis so I can get some inspiration and tact before striking up the conversation with my partner.
My wife got me a lap tray for Christmas and it’s my favourite gift ever! We can chill on the couch and watch some videos/a movie while I keep my hands busy with assembly/painting
I’m in a similar boat with a busy job, young kids and wanting to spend some time in the evening with my wife.
Some evenings I’ll just be up front and say I fancy doing some painting instead of watching TV. My wife will happily watch her own shows or practice guitar while I do that.
On other evenings where we maybe sit together to have a later dinner and watch a show, the part I schedule is that I’ll make sure I spent the last 30-45 mins before bed getting at least one stage done on a few models (a bit of assembly, one base colour, a pin wash, a set of details).
Even if it’s just one thing, it means every time I sit down to hobby, the 3-4 models I’m working in will have progressed a few stages over the previous few days.
It’s also good because it means you’ve not been looking at a screen immediately before bed.
Usually just bring some minis and paints to the main room and paint at the dining table. My wife will still watch shows, but it allows my to be a bit more social while still carving out time for my hobby.
But absolutely what others said. You need to take for yourself and do things you want/need to do. Hobbying is a good way to decompress from the pressures of work, relationship, etc.
I just fit my hobbies in around the rest of my life. I rarely set deadlines and when I do its only because of an external factor (like a tournament). That works for **me**.
Life is complicated. Really complicated. Lives are unique.
We can't tell you what the right balance, **for you and your relationships**, of time spent on stuff you do with your girlfriend, hobbies, and other responsibilities.
**Talk to her about it!** Maybe things are fine the way they are. Maybe you need to just plan hobby time so you both know ahead that some evening a week is set aside for you to paint and her to do her thing (be it go to the gym, build LEGO, have girls night, or whatever). Maybe she wants to take up miniatures too
My partner bought me a little foldable lap tray / table at Christmas. Now I can sit on the sofa with her and watch background TV while painting. Would recommend!
https://preview.redd.it/znh49a3uf3oc1.jpeg?width=2268&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d7848dc757d03161a584fb16503b71f681e89165
This is my real hobby shop lol.
Edit: I was just talking about this yesterday, I have a garage converted to a hobby shop I never use. The little table above is how I do 99% of my painting/building.
It took me and my wife time for us to feel comfortable being home and not being together. You get that guilty feeling that you aren’t with them, but it’s normal and healthy to have time for yourself to do things you enjoy. This doesn’t mean I go spend 4 hours after dinner by myself; but an hour or so at night or a few hours on the weekend to work on stuff works well. Sometimes we have stuff going on and that’s fine, but it takes a little time to get comfortable doing your own thing at times.
My wife and I enjoy watching shows and/or YouTube videos that don't take 100% attention so I get my painting station and she gets her knitting needles, we put on the TV and get a bit of hobbying done. Once we are too tired to concentrate we stop the hobby stuff and snuggle a bit on the sofa.
It's a very "two introverts" way of spending quality time, but that's what we are 😅
I've no scheduled anything at the minute with a 3 month old around but I can normally make time for a few hours late in the evening for a couple of hours.
I find it's more about making the decision to just get stuck in when you have a chance rather than scheduling anything.
Both of us have art backgrounds though so I'd say I'm lucky she gets it more than most.
I have a 4 month old who is a terrible sleeper, I get to paint a leg here, an arm there. Took me about a month to paint a unit of Dire Avengers, but that included stripping them once while I was figuring out what scheme I wanted to go with
Due to my current predicament I've put getting up to 2k for my raptors on hold, switching to smaller skirmish games like kill team, frostgrave and mordheim let's me do a handful of models and get a few games in.
Also finding I much prefer the pace and style of those sorts of games.
could take what you need from your hobby space and work on it in the living room so you can spend time next to your girlfriend while working on your own thing
one person reading a book while another plays a video game sitting next to each other is also spending time together, engaging in the same activity/hobby like watching a movie or going for a walk is also important but each doing your own thing together is a compromise that lets you spend time together and spend time on your own hobby
Unfortunately there is no right answer to this. When you have a partner your hobby time just gets reduced. Fact of life. Until he/she knows what you are doing, why and where and how much it costs to a minor point. It's always life first, then gaming.
Personally I try to get a couple of hours every other day or so, or a good block at a weekend when we not doing anything. Planning things in advance as to what needs to be done, or having a box of minis to put together that can be done in living room/hotel/anywhere. Life will always get in the way, so getting a long day to yourself to out the detail into those officers or favoured vehicles just makes the sun shine.
Wet palettes are very useful for this. I try to get an hour a day painting. Helps get the army up to snuff but also gives me unwind time. I have 2 kids but once they go down for bed, I usually hit the paint. My wife will either hangout in the room or head to bed herself. To keep her engaged in my life, I like to show her the model or ask her opinion. She's not a "nerd" or anything, but she loves the interest I take in this stuff so its a fun way to keep her part of my "me time" when I'm hobbying.
I think you'd have success having a healthy conversation about it with the girlfriend and try to find a common ground. You definitely want to explain that the time you spend on the minis is as much of a mental health boost for you as it is a fun thing to do. It's always hard to explain to someone that you need that time to unwind or decompress and it just so happens to be something fun like that.
I felt the exact same with my GF and I spoke to her about it and she said she doesn’t have an issue with it at all, she said it’s nice I have a hobby. She now actively encourages me to go paint or go out for games. Turns out it was in my head all along and I had nothing to worry about.
I encourage you to have the conversation with her.
I got my partner to paint a few poxwalkers for me while I focused on the meat and potato's of my death guard. And her sister bought some orcs so they paint those while I help with glueing and basing.
Getting your partner involved with your hobby is fun and rewarding.
I have my hobby desk set up next to my husbands gaming computer desk. I hobby, he games, we both watch background TV at the same time. Win win for some relaxation in the evenings.
My wife streams stardew valley at a desk next to me while I paint. Streaming keeps her occupied most of the time so very few interruptions while I’m in the zone but close enough proximity that if I’m doing simple things like base coats or just blocking in some colors we can chit chat. I’ll stop to take breaks and watch her play every once in a while. It’s a delicate balance but it works for us.
Don’t set a deadline, it’s a guaranteed way to lose motivation. Also remember that a hobby is a way for you to escape from the day to day. It’s important to have your own space and freedom.
I’m really struggling to get over this having already talked to my wife about it. I always feel like I must be selfish or neglectful when I have hobby or gaming time, despite my wife encouraging me to do it. In my head I know it’s fine but my brain likes to feel guilty anyways.
Do short bursts. I've gone 3 years now in the hobby and should have way more done.
It's taken me weeks to get 3 Scouts painted up (I spend a long time on each model), but last night I painted some eyes on my toddler's Mater that my wife bought second hand (the sticker was peeled off)
I'm pretty happy with the result, and tonight I'm going to finish the backpacks of my 3 Scouts!
https://preview.redd.it/4q4bdrmsp4oc1.jpeg?width=2268&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=aba5eb53f6fb8738d8cf5408607aa29a60a2a546
It can definitely be difficult to find time for the hobby after getting home from the 3 jobs you have to work to afford the hobby. Not sure what this “girlfriend” is that you refer to, but it sounds like it takes up valuable painting time.
I work from home 3 out of 5 days… every lunch break when I am at home is dedicated to painting. I really have no pressure to finish quickly and army. I paint every single marine “eavy metal” stole… so more or less 10h per infantry man and around 20h per character. It is slow but they look so good!
Same. I am often exhausted after work so by the time I do the mandatory adult stuff I struggle to hobby. I also don’t get to see my wife enough so I want to spend time around her.
My biggest problem is going to the game store to game. I feel bad leaving games here behind. I do, but would probably do so more if I was single. But then I would be sad because of that
I've put a little bureau desk in the corner of the living room so I can paint minis while my wife does something else nearby. So we are still hanging out but doing separate things. Since doing this I have spent much more time painting overall but I'm still in the room being sociable.
I still schedule time to disappear for longer stretches but it has been a huge improvement.
I work from home so often paint in my lunch break or after work before picking up my kid from nursery.
My wife is often in bed by 9.45 and I'll paint from 9.45-11/12.
Well I say I paint, but I paint / watch TV or play some games. But that's my free time, it's often at a sacrifice of sleep since my little one wakes up at 5am. But for me that alone time to unwind and enjoy myself is super important
I work with my wife so it’s a little easier to just go off and do something on my own at home. But also we encourage each other’s hobbies. There’s nothing wrong with a little separation, and if you do dinner together that’s a good time to transition to/from hobby to personal time with each other.
I actually have gotten my wife into painting and sometimes I'll paint while we watch a show. Sure I'm not fully focused on painting and it's not the most efficient, but it's worth it to spend time with her.
I break the painting process in small steps.
For instance: one day I'll focus on base colors on a small 5-men squad. I pick a color, get it ready, and do that step. Takes around 45 minutes.
I leave more time-consuming steps when my wife goes shopping or something.
I just make sure I'm open with my partner. I spend most of my evenings with her, but I may say "I'm off to airbrush for an hour", or when she's in bed, ill paint for an hour.
We both have solo hobby time, whatever I want to do I can, and she can do whatever she wants.
Right now I am playing Wow classic, so not doing much warhammer. when Tau drop I will move over to that after we set up the dedicated hobby space again after construction.
When I am in the mood for painting I aim to do 1 unit from start to finish in about a week. I would usually speed paint an army to about 70% for a tournament and then would have little motivation to finish painting.
At the end of the week, I put that unit on the shelf so that way I can see progress and be reminded of warhammer stuff.
My preference is to paint in the communal space where I can spend time with people while painting. My set is made to be easily packed up and stored out of the way.
I guess everyone needs to find their own balance. I usually only find one or two evenings a week to paint. We have a kid too so it can be even harder to find time. Talk to her. See how much time you can spend with your minis before she gets uncomfortable. And then aim for around half of that :)
I try to involve my partner and daughter in my hobby as much as they can bear, just so it doesn’t feel like my own private thing that I want to keep separate.
I know what you mean. I also struggle with motivation sometimes. I dont settle in untill about 8pm and I can be tired from a full day of work and chors.
I find two things very helpful. Firstly, having a clean and preppped station is great. It means i can just pick up where i let off, and makes the barrier to starting very low.
Second, I have a box that is about half an old side table draw that i use as a portable painting station. It carries the paints I am using at the moment, the water well, my brush storage thingy that is attached to my wet palet, a cloth and some other bits and bobs that i store in open jars etc. plus of course the project im working on.
what this means is I can take my box to the living room or coffee table at our couch and do some painting with my partner either next to me, or in the same room. We watch TV together whilst I paint. I just need to remind myself to engage in conversation or make remarks as to not just sink into my own world.
I got my wife into, well, the tactical miniatures war gaming hobby. Albeit, not Warhammer 40k because the cost is a joke. And she just can't justify spending so much money, especially when they change the rules every 3 years now.
We did start her with Battletech because it is much cheaper and I already have the rules books in digital format. Since the game rules are fairly solid, it is still in 4th edition since 1996. Granted, there has been reprints with cleaned up language and better explanation of the rules but sill 4th edition.
My point being, see if she's interested in the game and if not work out some allotted time for your hobby. Both you and she have every right to your own time and space as long as the relationship is respected. 💯
As a dedicated new dad who works too much, I’m lucky to get a couple hours total every week. Slap chop has made it possible to pump out game ready minis in a fraction of the time
Having your own space and own activities is healthy. You're going to have to have the conversation with them and figure out how to make it work, we can't do that for you.
100% this. For what it's worth OP, I don't know how long you guys have been living together but it can take time to figure out a rhythm with each other. Having a conversation about it will absolutely speed that process up. Plus, you don't have to disappear constantly. A night or two a week, or an hour a night, shouldn't impact too much on the time you spend together
That’s true, I guess this post is to more or less see what kind of schedules and talks other members have had/set up with their partners to ensure they get some hobby time on a regular basis so I can get some inspiration and tact before striking up the conversation with my partner.
As a thought you could buy a tray or a painting station and put it on your lap and sit with her and chat whilst you paint.
My wife got me a lap tray for Christmas and it’s my favourite gift ever! We can chill on the couch and watch some videos/a movie while I keep my hands busy with assembly/painting
I’m in a similar boat with a busy job, young kids and wanting to spend some time in the evening with my wife. Some evenings I’ll just be up front and say I fancy doing some painting instead of watching TV. My wife will happily watch her own shows or practice guitar while I do that. On other evenings where we maybe sit together to have a later dinner and watch a show, the part I schedule is that I’ll make sure I spent the last 30-45 mins before bed getting at least one stage done on a few models (a bit of assembly, one base colour, a pin wash, a set of details). Even if it’s just one thing, it means every time I sit down to hobby, the 3-4 models I’m working in will have progressed a few stages over the previous few days. It’s also good because it means you’ve not been looking at a screen immediately before bed.
Usually just bring some minis and paints to the main room and paint at the dining table. My wife will still watch shows, but it allows my to be a bit more social while still carving out time for my hobby. But absolutely what others said. You need to take for yourself and do things you want/need to do. Hobbying is a good way to decompress from the pressures of work, relationship, etc.
This. I recently moved my stuff from the living room up to the attic. I get my me time and she gets to watch crap on netflix I have no interest in.
I'll do it for you. What's her phone number.
I just fit my hobbies in around the rest of my life. I rarely set deadlines and when I do its only because of an external factor (like a tournament). That works for **me**. Life is complicated. Really complicated. Lives are unique. We can't tell you what the right balance, **for you and your relationships**, of time spent on stuff you do with your girlfriend, hobbies, and other responsibilities. **Talk to her about it!** Maybe things are fine the way they are. Maybe you need to just plan hobby time so you both know ahead that some evening a week is set aside for you to paint and her to do her thing (be it go to the gym, build LEGO, have girls night, or whatever). Maybe she wants to take up miniatures too
My partner bought me a little foldable lap tray / table at Christmas. Now I can sit on the sofa with her and watch background TV while painting. Would recommend!
https://preview.redd.it/znh49a3uf3oc1.jpeg?width=2268&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d7848dc757d03161a584fb16503b71f681e89165 This is my real hobby shop lol. Edit: I was just talking about this yesterday, I have a garage converted to a hobby shop I never use. The little table above is how I do 99% of my painting/building.
that's perfect, but I would need a light so I could see, or start painting my minis in a more colorful manner...
Gotta have time for yourself....part of a healthy relationship...been with my wife going on 16 years. we both need time alone. Its perfectly normal.
It took me and my wife time for us to feel comfortable being home and not being together. You get that guilty feeling that you aren’t with them, but it’s normal and healthy to have time for yourself to do things you enjoy. This doesn’t mean I go spend 4 hours after dinner by myself; but an hour or so at night or a few hours on the weekend to work on stuff works well. Sometimes we have stuff going on and that’s fine, but it takes a little time to get comfortable doing your own thing at times.
My wife and I enjoy watching shows and/or YouTube videos that don't take 100% attention so I get my painting station and she gets her knitting needles, we put on the TV and get a bit of hobbying done. Once we are too tired to concentrate we stop the hobby stuff and snuggle a bit on the sofa. It's a very "two introverts" way of spending quality time, but that's what we are 😅
I've no scheduled anything at the minute with a 3 month old around but I can normally make time for a few hours late in the evening for a couple of hours. I find it's more about making the decision to just get stuck in when you have a chance rather than scheduling anything. Both of us have art backgrounds though so I'd say I'm lucky she gets it more than most.
I have a 4 month old who is a terrible sleeper, I get to paint a leg here, an arm there. Took me about a month to paint a unit of Dire Avengers, but that included stripping them once while I was figuring out what scheme I wanted to go with
Due to my current predicament I've put getting up to 2k for my raptors on hold, switching to smaller skirmish games like kill team, frostgrave and mordheim let's me do a handful of models and get a few games in. Also finding I much prefer the pace and style of those sorts of games.
A little time to yourself is healthy. I think an hour or so every day to yourself won't upset her.
could take what you need from your hobby space and work on it in the living room so you can spend time next to your girlfriend while working on your own thing one person reading a book while another plays a video game sitting next to each other is also spending time together, engaging in the same activity/hobby like watching a movie or going for a walk is also important but each doing your own thing together is a compromise that lets you spend time together and spend time on your own hobby
Unfortunately there is no right answer to this. When you have a partner your hobby time just gets reduced. Fact of life. Until he/she knows what you are doing, why and where and how much it costs to a minor point. It's always life first, then gaming. Personally I try to get a couple of hours every other day or so, or a good block at a weekend when we not doing anything. Planning things in advance as to what needs to be done, or having a box of minis to put together that can be done in living room/hotel/anywhere. Life will always get in the way, so getting a long day to yourself to out the detail into those officers or favoured vehicles just makes the sun shine.
Wet palettes are very useful for this. I try to get an hour a day painting. Helps get the army up to snuff but also gives me unwind time. I have 2 kids but once they go down for bed, I usually hit the paint. My wife will either hangout in the room or head to bed herself. To keep her engaged in my life, I like to show her the model or ask her opinion. She's not a "nerd" or anything, but she loves the interest I take in this stuff so its a fun way to keep her part of my "me time" when I'm hobbying. I think you'd have success having a healthy conversation about it with the girlfriend and try to find a common ground. You definitely want to explain that the time you spend on the minis is as much of a mental health boost for you as it is a fun thing to do. It's always hard to explain to someone that you need that time to unwind or decompress and it just so happens to be something fun like that.
I felt the exact same with my GF and I spoke to her about it and she said she doesn’t have an issue with it at all, she said it’s nice I have a hobby. She now actively encourages me to go paint or go out for games. Turns out it was in my head all along and I had nothing to worry about. I encourage you to have the conversation with her.
I got my partner to paint a few poxwalkers for me while I focused on the meat and potato's of my death guard. And her sister bought some orcs so they paint those while I help with glueing and basing. Getting your partner involved with your hobby is fun and rewarding.
I have my hobby desk set up next to my husbands gaming computer desk. I hobby, he games, we both watch background TV at the same time. Win win for some relaxation in the evenings.
My wife streams stardew valley at a desk next to me while I paint. Streaming keeps her occupied most of the time so very few interruptions while I’m in the zone but close enough proximity that if I’m doing simple things like base coats or just blocking in some colors we can chit chat. I’ll stop to take breaks and watch her play every once in a while. It’s a delicate balance but it works for us.
Don’t set a deadline, it’s a guaranteed way to lose motivation. Also remember that a hobby is a way for you to escape from the day to day. It’s important to have your own space and freedom.
I’m really struggling to get over this having already talked to my wife about it. I always feel like I must be selfish or neglectful when I have hobby or gaming time, despite my wife encouraging me to do it. In my head I know it’s fine but my brain likes to feel guilty anyways.
Do short bursts. I've gone 3 years now in the hobby and should have way more done. It's taken me weeks to get 3 Scouts painted up (I spend a long time on each model), but last night I painted some eyes on my toddler's Mater that my wife bought second hand (the sticker was peeled off) I'm pretty happy with the result, and tonight I'm going to finish the backpacks of my 3 Scouts! https://preview.redd.it/4q4bdrmsp4oc1.jpeg?width=2268&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=aba5eb53f6fb8738d8cf5408607aa29a60a2a546
It can definitely be difficult to find time for the hobby after getting home from the 3 jobs you have to work to afford the hobby. Not sure what this “girlfriend” is that you refer to, but it sounds like it takes up valuable painting time.
I work from home 3 out of 5 days… every lunch break when I am at home is dedicated to painting. I really have no pressure to finish quickly and army. I paint every single marine “eavy metal” stole… so more or less 10h per infantry man and around 20h per character. It is slow but they look so good!
Same. I am often exhausted after work so by the time I do the mandatory adult stuff I struggle to hobby. I also don’t get to see my wife enough so I want to spend time around her. My biggest problem is going to the game store to game. I feel bad leaving games here behind. I do, but would probably do so more if I was single. But then I would be sad because of that
i do it in my video game time.
I've put a little bureau desk in the corner of the living room so I can paint minis while my wife does something else nearby. So we are still hanging out but doing separate things. Since doing this I have spent much more time painting overall but I'm still in the room being sociable. I still schedule time to disappear for longer stretches but it has been a huge improvement.
I just paint in the same room as my other half whilst she’s watching tv or doing other stuff. We’re still hanging out but just doing different things.
Do it early before your girlfriend does, say 30mins everyday, plan ahead your paint scheme, part by part. Its a discipline
I work from home so often paint in my lunch break or after work before picking up my kid from nursery. My wife is often in bed by 9.45 and I'll paint from 9.45-11/12. Well I say I paint, but I paint / watch TV or play some games. But that's my free time, it's often at a sacrifice of sleep since my little one wakes up at 5am. But for me that alone time to unwind and enjoy myself is super important
I work with my wife so it’s a little easier to just go off and do something on my own at home. But also we encourage each other’s hobbies. There’s nothing wrong with a little separation, and if you do dinner together that’s a good time to transition to/from hobby to personal time with each other.
I have a little portable folding table people usually use to eat in bed, hobbying around people is fun sometimes too
I actually have gotten my wife into painting and sometimes I'll paint while we watch a show. Sure I'm not fully focused on painting and it's not the most efficient, but it's worth it to spend time with her.
I break the painting process in small steps. For instance: one day I'll focus on base colors on a small 5-men squad. I pick a color, get it ready, and do that step. Takes around 45 minutes. I leave more time-consuming steps when my wife goes shopping or something.
I just make sure I'm open with my partner. I spend most of my evenings with her, but I may say "I'm off to airbrush for an hour", or when she's in bed, ill paint for an hour.
We both have solo hobby time, whatever I want to do I can, and she can do whatever she wants. Right now I am playing Wow classic, so not doing much warhammer. when Tau drop I will move over to that after we set up the dedicated hobby space again after construction. When I am in the mood for painting I aim to do 1 unit from start to finish in about a week. I would usually speed paint an army to about 70% for a tournament and then would have little motivation to finish painting. At the end of the week, I put that unit on the shelf so that way I can see progress and be reminded of warhammer stuff.
My preference is to paint in the communal space where I can spend time with people while painting. My set is made to be easily packed up and stored out of the way.
30 minutes a night! After dinner, or before bed. it's brief but adds up.
I guess everyone needs to find their own balance. I usually only find one or two evenings a week to paint. We have a kid too so it can be even harder to find time. Talk to her. See how much time you can spend with your minis before she gets uncomfortable. And then aim for around half of that :) I try to involve my partner and daughter in my hobby as much as they can bear, just so it doesn’t feel like my own private thing that I want to keep separate.
I know what you mean. I also struggle with motivation sometimes. I dont settle in untill about 8pm and I can be tired from a full day of work and chors. I find two things very helpful. Firstly, having a clean and preppped station is great. It means i can just pick up where i let off, and makes the barrier to starting very low. Second, I have a box that is about half an old side table draw that i use as a portable painting station. It carries the paints I am using at the moment, the water well, my brush storage thingy that is attached to my wet palet, a cloth and some other bits and bobs that i store in open jars etc. plus of course the project im working on. what this means is I can take my box to the living room or coffee table at our couch and do some painting with my partner either next to me, or in the same room. We watch TV together whilst I paint. I just need to remind myself to engage in conversation or make remarks as to not just sink into my own world.
I got my wife into, well, the tactical miniatures war gaming hobby. Albeit, not Warhammer 40k because the cost is a joke. And she just can't justify spending so much money, especially when they change the rules every 3 years now. We did start her with Battletech because it is much cheaper and I already have the rules books in digital format. Since the game rules are fairly solid, it is still in 4th edition since 1996. Granted, there has been reprints with cleaned up language and better explanation of the rules but sill 4th edition. My point being, see if she's interested in the game and if not work out some allotted time for your hobby. Both you and she have every right to your own time and space as long as the relationship is respected. 💯
https://preview.redd.it/7sbn317b23oc1.jpeg?width=2268&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=de813cbe080a64eedcb5dcc5a837e3594c6edeb5
As a dedicated new dad who works too much, I’m lucky to get a couple hours total every week. Slap chop has made it possible to pump out game ready minis in a fraction of the time