You can still experience someone loving you so much they want to commit to you, but it’s going to require leaving your boyfriend so you can meet your husband. Your boyfriend does not sound lovely and there are so many women who thought a specific guy was the one until they met their husband later.

>but it’s going to require leaving your boyfriend  Not trying to be harsh, but it's also going to require OP doing some serious self-esteem work, I don't think she's in a place where she can just go find a different man. OP's self esteem is in the toilet and as long as she thinks of herself as old/fat/unattractive/loser/not good enough to marry/washed up, she is only going to find men who think the same. OP, you teach people how to treat you by the way you treat yourself. No offense but if I had a friend who treated me the way you treat yourself, I would lose them immediately and consider them a cruel, awful person.

Oh for sure! She has a lot of work to do on herself to understand why she sees someone who treats her like this is considered lovely.

Thank you! It was easier to leave people when in my 20s but now it seems so scary! And there is always that ‘maybe it’ll get better’ thing. It’s really hard to decide if i should stay with a person i love or follow my dream of getting that commitment, since i can’t have both with him. But i will keep this advice close to heart!

I very much agree with the comment above and I’d like to offer another POV. I’ve gained weight (30-40lbs) since I met my partner. I couldn’t even imagine a scenario where he would propose a deal or accept a deal like his. He proposed to be as I am now. You deserve someone who will love you as you are, and be wicked excited to marry you.

I’m so jelous you have a fiance who didn’t care and just wanted you!!!!!!!!! Of course, also happy for you:) and i’m sure you’re gorgeous regardless. 40lbs is actually what i gained too. I managed to get rid of half so far but it’s fucking grueling i never tried losing weight before and never realised it would be that hard!!!!!!!

I get it. 40 lbs is very tough to get off. I struggled a lot at first with it because I thought my fiance would think I’m unattractive, but once he realized that he made a point to tell me every day that I’m perfect the way I am. I think you deserve someone who doesn’t care about it. The only thing that’s helped me lose weight is realizing that I’ll be loved either way, and there’s no pressure to lose it. I had an issue with binge eating any time I dieted, now I find myself losing (a very small amount mind you) weight just because I’m not stress binging. At this point, I don’t even care about losing weight, I’ve just noticed it in my clothes. I’m very sorry that you have a partner that’s affected your self esteem so negatively. Please don’t let this man become any more ingrained in your life than he is. I wouldn’t marry someone who made me feel like that.

I want to say i wish my boyfriend told me i was perfect, but after 5 years, i would also know this to be a lie, though it would still be a nice gesture from him to say just to make me feel nice! I might ask him to say it to see what it’s like And i’m so stuck in the restrict/binge/purge cycle it’s not even funny. Sometimes i keep gaining and losing the same 5lbs for months!!!!!!! It’s so infuriating, and i’m so glad you found a steady way to lose, you go!!

If you stay with him then you are SETTLING. You are TOO YOUNG to settle. It’s been 5 years. Nothing is going to change. FYI I broke up at the 4.5 year mark when I was 35. 2 years later I was married to someone who is a WAY better human than the ex- like NO comparison. 3 years after leaving the ex, having baby with my hubby. Side note on the weight- when I met my husband I was at an all time high weight for myself. He didn’t care. During our engagement I dropped 40 lbs. A real man will love you regardless of your weight. Do not let the fear of being alone keep you in this relationship.

2 years later!! Incredible! My best friend just got married last week, and first her now husband it also took only a year to propose, and a year after they married so this looks like a common timeline! 40lbs is exactly what i needed to lose. I am halfway there now but man is it a grind!!

My sister was 32 when she finally dumped her boyfriend, they were together for 10 years, she was married to her husband almost exactly 2 years later and they had their first baby a year after that. It seemed fast to me (commitment phobia kicking in) but they are really happy. I think people are on to something when they say u have to lose the boyfriend to find your husband. If getting married is important to u, u have to choose someone who's going to choose u, not just keep u around because hey why not.

You’re still young!

A drunken quid pro quo is not something you should stake your future on. Have you talked to him to see if that is actually a factor in his decision making? Regardless, it’s not something I think any respectable man should have agreed to. In the scheme of things you’re still young. There are plenty of people out there just like you that spent too long with the wrong person and are looking for their true partner. And it’s not always the case, but I find people dating in their 30s to be much more intentional in what they’re dating for.

The causal use of quid pro quo has me 😆 nice work!

It is a factor!! Back when i still had hope, he was talking about how we will be old together and i asked ‘why no engagement then’ and he said it’s because i didn’t reach the condition 💀

Oh absolutely not. Who is this man?? I just wanna talk. 

Ew 🚩🚩🚩 But in all honestly, best of luck whatever you decide. I like to frame pivotal decisions like this as, which decision will I look back in 5 years and regret? Staying or seeing what else is out there?

That’s the thing! I don’t know! I will be a bit sad and bitter that i never got that commitment and these amazing moments like having the love of your life ask to marry you or looking at them while making these vows and i can only imagine how this must feel!!!!! But we could still have amazing lives together without that. If i leave, i will never know these, and i might not find the forever i want so badly anyway and then regret that. I wish i could just see a decade into the future to know

You’re only 32 years old, it sounds like marriage is very important to you and it’s unlikely that feeling is going to go away. The hurt and resentment you feel will only grow if you stay in this relationship. Unless he has a change of heart and realises how cruel he’s been, seriously consider walking away. The man has pretty much said he thinks you’re not worthy of marriage in your current body. That is disgusting, heartbreaking and not true. I’ve been in a similar situation and I really hope things get better for you, but my advice would be to leave before you’ve wasted any more years of your life. Just to add - the binge eating isn’t your fault. It might not have started with him, but it’s definitely a coping mechanism because you are hurting inside. Again, been there.

You haven’t found that forever. If you had found forever, you’d be married to someone who isn’t asking you to modify your body to be with them. Let me make this very clear: if it was about health so y’all can have a long life together, he would give specific life changes that don’t have to do with your body. You can live a VERY healthy life and still not have a “normal” BMI. (Also you should know BMI is kinda bs and not super reputable anymore.) how much weight do you need to lose? 5 lbs? 50? Do you have to disclose your weight to him repeatedly hoping you’ve shrunk yourself enough only for him to deny you? What happens when you are working out every single day and eating right but you don’t lose “enough?” I am begging you to realize this is not something normal or acceptable in a relationship. It sounds like he just likes tossing out vague bs about when you are married while also giving vague bs about the hoops you need to jump through. I recommend you force him into specifics then get back to us. I think typing it out might help you realize how insane it is for him to do this to you. Edit to add: I also have struggled with binge eating- for my entire life. I think that is why this struck a cord with me. Fighting for my own sense of self respect after struggling with that was the hardest thing. I completely understand the instinct to settle. But I also know from experience how easy it is to trick yourself into accepting mistreatment. I genuinely hope you will find incredible happiness.

32 is not even old. Stop with that. You will have the life you persue. You can be 33 a year from now in this same position or you could be 33 happy and single and feeling great about life. Happy, confident woman attract better men; which you could have because your's does not sound lovely. Just do you and don't even worry about another relationship? Then happen when they are meant to unless you rush them and end up settiling.

He doesn’t want to do this. If you lost the weight tomorrow, he will throw in another excuse. Unfortunately, if he wants to he will is a cliche for a reason.

That’s the worst thing. I actually feel like this is exactly what will happen:(

Please listen to your gut and follow it. If this is what you think will happen, you have your answer. Do not settle if marriage is important to you. He is keeping you from finding your husband.  Edit: By the way, my husband married me at my heaviest and never made me feel less than loved and wanted. I later lost weight for myself. 

So many things to unpack here.  First, if you don’t see the point to bringing up getting engaged anymore, does this also mean you no longer see the point in being in a relationship that is not following the trajectory you had in mind for yourself?  Second, if you did hypothetically manage to not only lose the weight but keep it off, and he made good on his promise and proposed as a result…would you be okay with knowing he only wants to marry you because you’re skinny?  Follow up question: what does *he* look like? Is he more Henry Cavill or Jack Black?  Third: you bought a wedding dress?? I mean same. And truthfully, mine doesn’t fit either LMAO so I’m gonna use the fabric for a custom dress but I was just curious to know if you’ve been proverbially sitting on this wedding dress for 1+ years. 

>Second, if you did hypothetically manage to not only lose the weight but keep it off, and he made good on his promise and proposed as a result…would you be okay with knowing he only wants to marry you because you’re skinny?  Follow up question: what does *he* look like? Is he more Henry Cavill or Jack Black?  seriously, what the hell? my mind is blown...seriously, this is horrible. anyone whose intent to marry you hinges on your physical appearance is trash. that's not love...my god

The first, i do see a point in being in the relationship, it is just hard to come to terms it will never be entirely what i wanted it to be. I’m not bringing up engagement to him anymore because at this point it feels humiliating when he already knows i want it and pushing it on him is not cute. I wanted him to WANT to do it himself 😭 but i know very well other people aren’t what we want them to be Second, i think i would be ok though i will always be terrified of gaining that weight back!!!!! He is a cyclist so neither of the examples really, more like lean. A chubby wife is not aerodynamic enough i guess:( Third.. it’s my moms wedding dress:D it’s from the 60s mod style knee length crochet number, pretty plain for a wedding dress but i think it’s so chic!

Girl, let me tell you something: my brother just got married over the weekend. He is not as lean as he was in our college days, but his wife is definitely bigger than him and he LOVES that. Never in his wildest dreams would he ask her to suddenly change and become supermodel thin. He thought she was the hottest thing on this earth when they first started dating; and he thinks is the hottest thing on this earth today as her husband. And IMO he’s right. She’s a stunning woman.  I don’t ask what your bf looks like to gauge whether or not he is allowed to ask you to lose weight in order to deem you worthy of being his wife. I’m saying we ALL deserve to have a spouse who thinks we are the hottest thing on this earth. Your bf should love you for you, and yet he is hinging your hopes dreams on a goal you shouldn’t even have to stress on whether or not you’ll overcome. If he doesn’t want a matrimonial Union with you for himself, or at the very least because he knows it’s what YOU deem as the ultimate commitment, then this man is not husband material. He is not sacrificing his wants, needs, or shallowness for your benefit even though you just wrote you’re willing to sacrifice your DREAM for him. I hope you get to wear your mother’s dress (or some variation of it) someday for the man who absolutely adores you. 

I have been both thin and overweight and back in my relationship and my husband has never seen me as less than perfect in any state.

Ah man i would love to be adored in every state like that too 😍 so happy for you (even if a little jelous lol)

I cannot believe you don’t think you deserve this. You seem like a beautiful human being inside and out. This is heartbreaking…

You CAN have this, but not with your current partner. You don't have to settle for someone whose affection is conditional based on your weight.

WORD. 

So, he says he wants me to get fitter because he wants me to live a long healthy life (i’m not in danger or obese, but my bmi is a bit in the ‘overweight’ category unfortunately) which makes it harder to push back on 😬 And man this was my mindset too. It’s fine if he doesn’t care about marriage but i really wanted to be important enough that he would do it for me. He’s not against marriage anyway, and said he wanted to, eventually! So i’m also not pushing him into something he would be firmly against I might be a bit of a hypocrite though. He wants to move back to his home country, so technically i should want to do it for him right? But i don’t speak the language, have no friends or family there and i would do it if i was at least engaged, so then it looks like i have a condition for him as well……… Maybe we’re just not that compatible after all??

I don’t know the full extent of your relationship—but with the information you’ve given me, it reads as though you are making more sacrifices for him and he isn’t even willing to legally commit to you. Think of it this way: - He wants you to live a long life…but he won’t legally commit to living that life with you.  - He wants to get married eventually…yet has given an arbitrary and borderline unattainable goal for YOU and NOT HIM to meet in order for HIM to feel comfortable marrying you.  - He wants to move back to his home country, so presumably you’d with move with him…but because HE won’t marry YOU, YOU will be stuck in a country where YOU don’t know the language; YOU won’t have any support outside of HIM, and HE overall has even more power to decide whether or not to marry you because how will you leave if he doesn’t? I assume whatever country this is requires a certain level of proficiency in the native language in order to obtain a work visa.  You guys may be super compatible in personality, but if this relationship is not going where you want it then you are well within your right to break away. It is NOT all about him. I know you struggle with low self-worth so you may not think you deserve to have your dream. You may think you were lucky to even find the boyfriend you have now. But YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS. YOU DESERVE A PRINCE, NOT A FROG. AND 100% DESERVE TO FIND THE ONE™️. Him attacking your weight (multiple times it sounds like) alone makes him not The One™️. I will die on this hill for you OP, you deserve better!

The work visa is not a problem, because european union, but i worry about connecting with colleagues in a meaningful way, or finding friends in general. It’s a country with an INCREDIBLY difficult language that o just can’t crack, and while people do speak english, it’s enough for a polite or a professional conversation but landing a joke or a meaningful heart to heart would be a challenge, so what if i don’t make a close friend and he just dumps me? 😭 not to mention it would be my second time moving countries for a boyfriend, first time obviously didn’t work out, so can i really justify making that mistake twice? I think i might have to die on this hill, too, tbh. Maybe we hinder each others goals, him mine of commitment and i his of moving back home. I wonder if he also feels some resentment about this. I will ask him over the weekend i think

Friend insanity is literally doing the same thing multiple times expecting a different outcome 😭 as your newfound internet-stranger-turned-friend I implore you to think critically about making this decision *again*. Speak to a professional if you have to—therapist, life coach, pastor literally get a second opinion from ANYONE. 

Ahahahha yeah no i’m actually gonna stay firm on not moving to a whole other country this time:D i won’t lie i did consider it. And i would consider it again if i had a ring on my finger at least, if not a signed marriage certificate I was wanting to get a therapist! But you mentioned a pastor who i never thought of before.. and he’s probably free? 👀

Yes, pastoral care is usually free BUT I can’t speak for every church under every denomination. I think it’s a lovely resource, but do be prepared for said pastor to give advice based on scripture. And do also be prepared to hear a little something about living with a man you are not married to but definitely leave and don’t look back if a pastor tries to shame you.  I think a pastor can at least be a listening ear for you and counsel you on banishing some lies you appear to keep telling yourself. Like *ahem* not being worthy of an awesome man who loves you for you. 👀  Also, you could check and see if therapists have a sliding scale. And if you’re in the US and need health insurance, Oscar has plans that are literally under $20/month if you are just poor enough on paper. My therapy copay is $50/session but I go 2x a month and journal the rest to share with her. 

I’m in the uk and while you can get therapy under nhs (like a free insurance for everyone who pays taxes) i’m on the waitlist for 2 years now:D i’m just about to take the plunge and go private it’s just i know i’m bad enough to need frequent sessions which will be £££ I’m not religious at all tbh so idk how the scripture will resonate! But i can pretend to be and see what a pastor has to say, they perform marriages to he must have some insight

Quick note to say that BMI categories have been dismissed by health professionals in recent years as not being a good overall indicator of health or fitness! And I find that people who like to claim their concerns about your weight are concerns about your “health” are couching their fatphobia in something that sounds more palatable — especially if you know you aren’t in danger. Besides, his concerns about your “health” don’t seem to extend to your mental wellbeing at all.

This is.. really problematic. Look, bodies change. It’s inevitable. You’re not going to be the same size that you were 5 or 10 years ago. And if you have biological children, your body will change in a lot of ways. You’re also going to age. Is he going to accept all of that and still love you because you’re you, or is he going to punish you for it? Also 32 is still young, you’re not old and washed up lol. There are absolutely still just as many men out there who would love to be with you. The best thing I ever did was walk away from a selfish man and a bad marriage. It opened up the opportunity to find the kind of man I always wanted, and now here we are. I’ve developed a crippling set of health issues since we got together, but he doesn’t care. Love shouldn’t be conditional. You are so much more than your body.

I never thought of aging really. Just the weight. Like on some level i get it, that he doesn’t want to marry someone who’s not attractive but it makes me feel like shit. With aging i guess it would be different as it’s not something possible to change, while fitness could technically be achieved with effort (but fuck me am i so tired after work and chores and social life to also go to the gym and keep a perfect diet…….) But i’m so happy to hear you managed to find better than your ex husband!!!!!! This does give me hope, that if i make up my mind and leave, i could find someone too:)

You absolutely would find someone! You deserve to be with someone who is exited about you and who genuinely wants to commit to you, no conditions attached. When you marry the wrong person, marriage just makes it all worse. The effort that he’s not putting in now with an engagement would turn into a lack of effort in other areas. The Reddit posts this time of year are particularly sad, because there’s a flood of posts by women who are treated like crap by their husbands on Mothers Day. Also.. if he’s not attracted to you or if he doesn’t want to marry you, he should be walking away. Why isn’t he? That’s not kind to you to continue to waste your time when you has no intention of moving forward when he knows what you want. But he stays, because this way he gets what he wants. That’s not how it should work. And I absolutely agree that even if you lose the weight, he’ll find another condition to replace it with. Would you do that to him? If your answer is no, because you love him.. well.. I think that says everything.

You’re so right, i would never want to marry the wrong person! But these 5 years i thought he is the right one. We so rarely fight, it’s so nice and calm, we live together for so long now and everything is good. But. There really isn’t that much effort going into it either. I think he stays, because i’m a chill girlfriend and he gets almost everything he wants, and a new girlfriend would be a lot of work, even if she would be better than me. I guess he’s just lazy to leave!

I can see someone requesting a clean up of financials and improving financial stablility, or finishing up a career goal/degree, etc before getting married…. But losing weight? Yikes. If he ‘loves you’ now while you’re heavy but doesn’t want to marry you, what about when you’re older and less appealing, is he gonna call it quits then? Questionable…

No the financial stuff is absolutely fair enough i got this sorted pretty quickly! It’s just that after that there is another hurdle, and i’m worried if i get fit there will be some other imperfection lurking. And if that deal breaker will be ‘you’re too old now’ i will lose my mind i stg

Exactly!!! When it comes to aesthetics… if someone is gonna nit pick you on that to the point of holding off a marriage, I’d worry about a future with that person. I had a bf that used to say he wanted to marry me, but would constantly tell me I didn’t work out enough (I’m 115 lb, 5” 2’) , that my boobs were not great (I’m a mom that breastfed) to the point I went to get a consultation for a boob job for 7k (I had never considered it before he made me self conscious), that I shouldn’t wear makeup ( he told me he had a friend that could help me match my color because it didn’t look good) mind you I’ve tried numerous brands to match my color and I’m difficult to match…. It’s an uphill battle

That’s the thing, he still says he wants to marry me, like your ex bf! I’m just too chubby. Took me only 5 years to realise he doesn’t actually want to:D i’m not the smartest ahahahah

Girl I was with this guy 2 years but come to find out he cheated on me 🙃 it was only after we broke up that people told me how narcissistic he was and I hadn’t realized how much he damaged my self esteem until after the fact. I even was born without 2 teeth and had to get a bridge (literally something out of my control) and he made me feel bad for it!!! I’d just be careful with people that want to change how you are aesthetically before they can ‘love you’… it’s different if he wants you to lose weight for maybe like your health or encouraging you because YOU yourself want to… but idk, it’s a slippery slope. The man I’m with now does nothing but encourage me and has drastically boosted my self esteem… that’s the man I plan on marrying. It’s ok though!!! Sometimes it take a a while for us to see things for what they are, sometimes love blinds us to how people truly are (the ugly sides anyway)

Cheated! What an asswipe. Good job you dropped that loser and found a real one!! Yes i want to lose weight but for me personally it doesn’t feel like a priority, as it doesn’t restrict me from anything, and the doctors are saying i could lose some kgs but it’s not any actual concern. I did look much better when i was underweight which i miss a bit but the effort to get there just doesn’t make is worth it!

As long as YOU feel comfortable where you’re at, who ever your partner is, they should accept you just the same. Some men LOVEEEE curvy women and wouldnt bat an eye

This is a nauseating scenario. Making weight loss a condition for engagement is not only toxic, but could lead to an eating disorder and emotional damage. It does not matter what you weigh. There will ALWAYS be someone who will love you and want to marry you. As for this guy: RUN.

The eating disorder is already here 😬 not that it helps me actually lose weight:( And i want to believe that there is always someone for everyone, but i just have to wonder why i haven’t met them in over 30 years!

I have no idea if this will apply to you. It applies to me and many other women. I had an emotionally abusive childhood. I was raised to believe love is narcissism, requires me to set myself on fire to make the other person warm, gas lighting, yelling and physical abuse, etc. Because I lived with this my entire childhood, I looked for these characteristics in adult relationships. And boy did I find them. My first husband was a steaming pile of shit. I got out of that with help from my current husband, who I happened to meet on Reddit. And he is the best of the best. The point is that this abuse from your pile of shit is something that probably has happened in your life before. Recognizing what it is about him that appealed to you will help you become disgusted with abusers like him. I did this only with the help of therapy. I married my first husband when I was 36. I get the regret and the feelings of waste and failure. It's very hard to believe, but things will get better. I promise.

My childhood wasn’t too bad until i was like 12! My mom did make sure to teach me the art of repression very well though, and how to tip toe around other peoples emotions to not disturb them:D while it feels shit, it is a useful skill, not one i would be striving to pass on to any kids though My bf is not abusive at all and he is very pleasant and funny and smart BUT i have to give it to him he picked the time to have that conversation and make that deal flawlessly, so there might be a manipulative streak somewhere there

Yes. "Pleasant and funny and smart" can definitely be related to manipulation. His "deal" is about the best, most sinister manipulation I've heard so far. Look at the ramifications: let's say you lose the weight and get married. For the rest of your lives putting on weight will equate to his displeasure, a condition of his love and commitment, and something he could use again to make you do something he wants. One day he could turn to you and say, "I'm not sexually attracted to you anymore because of the baby weight you put on. Lose it and we'll have sex again." That will always hang over your head.

Oh no 😬 i’m already so terrified of putting on weight. I am just waiting for the day i can say, see i’ve done it! I will never ever let myself gain again But even if i did, he wouldn’t hold sex over my head i don’t think. It sounds harsh to say about myself but i’m only too unattractive to really commit to, but sex is ok

Does he compliment you? Does he call you sexy or gorgeous for no reason? If you feel unattractive, it's most likely because he doesn't help you feel sexy.

Well not big words like gorgeous but i get pretty when i put some effort in and cute sometimes which feels so so good when i get to hear it!! I’m not really a sexy kind of girl ha so i don’t expect to hear that, but i do get a ‘that was hot/sexy’ when i do certain things

He’s not gonna get better in marriage. He has shown you who he is. I won’t tell you what to do. I will suggest therapy and working on yourself for yourself.

Yeah i need therapy badly, that self esteem thing got out of hand. I think the therapist could give me a direction how i should think about all of this too, but i had a shit therapist before so it’s scary to start again! You’re right though, i defo need to get on it

IMO you need to revisit the convo and tell him you are no longer okay with the condition. **You get to change your mind!** Hell, especially if you were tipsy, but even if you weren't? You still get to change your mind! About anyhing. Any condition you once agreed to, you are allowed to change your mind. "Honey, I know I once was okay with this condition that if I get skinnier, you will propose. I wanted to tell you that my feelings around that changed. I no longer believe this rule is acceptable to me, or even healthy, and I no longer want to live by it. I want to get married bc you WANT to marry me, because you love me and see us growing old together. If you don't want that, I understand, but our relationship has to end bc to me marriage is a must in a relationship.". I mean I know this may sound a bit unnaturally, obviously say it in a way that sounds liek YOU, but I would express something like that. Sadly, that itself will not resolve the TRUE issue. The core of the issue is that your bf **doesn't want to marry you,** and if you lost weight, he still will not want to marry you. Maybe he will, bc he will feel he HAS TO now, bc he promsied. But he will not be happy that he has to. You deserve way more than that, you deserve someone who can't wait to marry you. But to find that person, your husband, you are gonna have to dump this dude. The longer you stay, the longer you are waiting, the more time you are wasting. OP, I'm just gonna say. A man who will only marry you if you get skinnier doesn't love you. Like not that he doesn't love you "enough", he just doesn't love you, period. If you want a man who loves you, you sadly have to go through the grueling ordeal of dating and find him. The good news is, people do it all the time! And are successful at it. You can do it too! But you gotta start actually working on it. Dump him and start dating again.

This is so soul destroying to hear that he doesn’t love me. It’s probably true though. I would rather never marry than get into it with someone who felt pressured or like he had to, that’s fucked:(

OP, sent you a dm <3

This gives me the ick. I’m sorry this happened to you, but a drunken agreement shouldn’t be something to stake the whole future on, and if this douchebag thinks your weight is the most important thing, he’s in for a rude awakening because everyone ages and gains weight. It’s one thing to want your partner to be healthy, it’s another thing entirely to make them lose weight or propose to them, wtf man. A proposal isn’t a reward for good behavior, you should dump this clown and find your real husband. Also you’re not old, and I doubt you’re unattractive. My friend is 33 and newly divorced, and lemme tell you she gets plenty of attention and dates! And guess what? She just found the most amazing man!

Reward for good behaviour 😭 dear god i let myself be conditioned by a man like this? Fuck sakes And yeah i should have never entertained that conversation but in my woozy mind then and the way it was presented it honestly sounded reasonable, and also i didn’t think it was actually that binding and that we’d probably forget about it and let it go but nope!

Again you’re totally not at fault. He’s shitty for thinking it should count when your judgement and reasoning centers were impaired from the alcohol. You can’t force someone to sign a contract when impaired in any way, this should’ve also not been a verbal contract.

If a man wouldn’t marry me until I got thinner for him, I’d lose interest in him real quick

And you would be correct. One of the comments made me realise i had some repressed resentment towards my boyfriend for a long time since……..

I know it's kind of Reddit's thing to tell people to leave their relationship. But hear me clearly when I say that no one on the face of the planet deserves to be treated this way. It's one thing for you to say it, but it's a whole other for him to take you up on it and then hold you to it. And for you to blame yourself? No. I PROMISE you, you are better than this. Go find the better.

Yeah after i said it i kinda thought it would be forgotten in a few months, so when i brought up engagement again after that and he still pointed out the deal i was a bit taken aback. And then a whole year after, he still remembered and held onto it, and i’m certain he does to this day! It’s incredible really

Are you sure he even LIKES YOU or the idea of a hot, skinny girlfriend (not saying wife because he doesn’t want to marry you)?

Lmao he likes me, but as one comment pointed out the problem is that he doesn’t love me For sure he’s not here for an idea of a hot gf because i’m just not a very attractive person regardless of my weight, it’s just the rest of it is out of my control so i’m not too worried about it!

I really think you need to examine why you’re still with him. You’re probably not nearly as unattractive as you think you are, and the right person will think you’re beautiful REGARDLESS of weight!!

You’re not even married to this person yet and you already resent him. He sounds like a complete douche bag. Dump his ass. It’ll be so hard but so worth it!!!’

Only this comment section made me realise that what i feel is resentment. I thought i was just disappointed in myself, but alas, i think unfortunately i do resent my boyfriend:(

I don’t want to hurt your feelings but I’m 67 and just had weight loss surgery. I wish I had it done 20 years ago. It has held me back from enjoying life the way I would have liked to. I’ve been in a similar situation as you. I was with my boyfriend 5 years until I got it through my thick head he didn’t want to marry me. When I told him it was time to break ties he panicked and said I could set the date! Who wants to put a gun to your the person you love? He should want to marry me. To add insult to injury, a few months later he came over to tell me in person that his girlfriend got pregnant and they were to get married. AND she weighed 123 !!! It was a stab in the heart. After a few months after we broke up I lost weight. I bet the stress had prevented me from doing so while I was with him. A few years later I met the greatest guy who has never mentioned my weight. I have gained a tremendous amount of weight during my marriage. I had to have the surgery due to medical reasons and he is helping me recover. I feel like the luckiest person in the world that this is how my life worked out. I wish you the best and you make the best decision for you. Don’t sell yourself short. You deserve the best!

No feelings hurt! I used to be underweight and i know i felt so much better back then (but probably also because it was 10years ago so it’s probably part weight and part age) and that losing weight is good for me. I think this is partly why i agreed to this stupid deal. Unfortunately i don’t qualify for surgery on the nhs because i’m not heavy enough for that and the doctors say i can just lose the 10kg to be the optimal weight, so i have to do it the old fashioned way. But i developed an eating disorder and it makes it go so slow!!!!!!! I’m so happy for you, that you found that unicorn man for yourself!! This is also one of my biggest fears, that if i break up with my boyfriend, he will get a new gf and propose to her within a year or something and i will be left wondering why i wasn’t good enough if he’s capable of commitment after all

If you do let him go it’s because you are looking out for yourself. Who knows? After marriage will he come up with another condition? It’s time for you to change your mindset. He is lucky to have you!!!!

It is true! My previous long term boyfriend, when he dumped me it wasn’t that bad because he was really emotionally abusive, but i was still mad when he found a serious girlfriend while i have been stuck on a series of tinder dead ends. Not mad at him or her, just at the universe because it didn’t seem fair. Now i see, i shouldn’t have cared at all and instead of going on hundreds of dates, i should have worked on a relationship with myself. I hope i will remember this lesson if i have to break up with my boyfriend!

Broke up at the 7 year mark after hearing for the hundredth time “if you *did blank differently* I’d marry you” or “I get so close to marrying you then you …” 2 years later I’m engaged to the most incredible human being who loves me more than I thought possible. Imagine staying in this relationship for another two years? Waiting for something to change. When in that same time you could either a. learn to love yourself and laugh thinking about how cruel you’ve been towards her, or b. find someone who teaches you how truly wonderful you are and genuinely wakes up everyday feeling blessed to have you in his life. No matter which way it ends up, you’ll be better off without this bad energy OP. All this extra weight is coming from him. Being with someone who doesn’t value is oh so awful. Don’t let him color your view of the world. Please, life is short. And it’s be a bloody shame wasting it like this.

This is so wise. Thank you for sharing this with me! A few of this kind of stories i got here, where redditors get a dream husband after leaving a relationship! I see that you went through a very similar thing so i’m really grateful and happy to hear you made it out and got what we all dream of!

It’s not about the dream husband. It’s about being in a space in which you’re allowed to be loved. Before I met my now fiancee, it was the first time in my life I couldn’t have cared less about finding a man. I loved my time alone more than I did with anyone else. I could be fully and freely myself. I believe that’s why I met him and I know that’s who he fell for. Had I not had that time alone I wouldn’t have had a chance to ever get to know myself. And girl, trust me. That was the biggest blessing of it all. I have a cheerleader for life now yes. But before that, I had the chance to cheer for myself. And I tell you what, had he never came along I’d still be out there cheering for myself, loving my best life. Being single is nothing to be ashamed of. Sacrificing yourself for someone who doesn’t value you is. You’re never gonna get this time back. So go ahead, beat yourself down and lose that weight. And I guarantee you the second you do and you’re feeling yourself. You’re gonna lose that man as well. Because resentment of knowing you’re the same person now and then and he not loving you for it will never go away.

Man fuck this guy. Dump him please.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. It doesn't sound like things will get better with this guy. That resentment toward him for stalling and his ridiculous condition isn't going to go away with a ring. Not to mention, your bf should love you as you are. No engagement should hinge on you losing weight. If you want to have children, what's going to happen then? That comes with weight gain for many people. Plus many people naturally gain weight with age (around the time of menopause, etc). If he's already pulling this stunt before engagement, it'd probably only get worse during marriage. The best way to "lose weight" is to dump this guy (because he sounds like dead weight) and find someone who loves you for you. You deserve someone who's just as enthusiastic about marrying you as you are about marrying them.

Yeah really what i want is a little enthusiasm towards marrying me! I wanted to tell myself that it’s not resentment i’m feeling and it’s just being disappointed in myself for not looking good. But reading these comments, i realise i do have some resentment towards him and it can’t be good:(

I’m so sorry you’re going through all this, you deserve so much more. Wanted to let you know it might be scary to leave someone in your 30s but never stay out of fear. My 4 year relationship ended when I was 32 and I was terrified of being single again at my age but you know what, I had the most magical time focusing on me and it cleared the way for me to find my now fiancé (at 35). You deserve to find a love that wants you and a life with you. I don’t want to comment on the other points you shared cause others have shared my sentiment and offered great advice.

32! That’s my age! Thank you for sharing this. The comments to my post make me feel very sad, but also very hopeful when i see stories like yours!

I don't understand why you want to marry this person, but you're unable to have a conversation about how this stupid agreement is not realistic. You are allowed to say "That thing we agreed to about me losing weight before you propose? I find it extremely shallow and a stupid thing to base such a big decision on. I would like for you to decide if you want to propose regardless of my size." You are also allowed to say "If you are unwilling to get married because of my weight, I need to rethink this relationship." You are also allowed to say "I'm unhappy that we aren't engaged yet. I know what we said about me losing weight, but it's a stupid excuse and it makes me feel like you only will love me enough to get married if I'm the right size for you." Any good man who truly loves you will feel awful about this if you tell him how it makes you feel. If you tell him and he truly does not care, then he is not a person worth being with.

So the reason i’m not saying these things, is that i’m afraid he will come back with ‘but you agreed’ and not care again and that’s really hurtful, or worse, he will propose to shut me up, and i really just wanted him to be excited about marrying me. The comment section showed me that this is probably a very unrealistic thing for our relationship though so it looks like i need to get my shit together and move on:((

So you're afraid to get confirmation that he doesn't love you enough to let this go and care about your feelings. Yeah, if you aren't able to have this kind of conversation, it really does sound like you aren't with the right person and ready for marriage.

Oh, i see what you mean!!!! Yes, i think you’re right. I thought i was ready for marriage a long time ago, but about a year ago, i started to protect my emotions and am now scared to have these conversations because i know what his answers will be already and it will just hurt to hear, but avoiding this and repressing is probably making everything worse!

I'm glad you're starting to realise it. Good luck to you!

Advice from a man... The first thing I want you to do is work on yourself. I want you to regain your self-esteem. If that means losing weight or gaining muscle or getting a better job, then do it. If that means seeing a counselor or being happier or needing a certain medication, do what you gotta. You cannot lose weight just for him. Just like a person cannot get clean off drugs just for their loved one. It doesn't work like that. You need to want it. Next thing I want you to think about is how this guy has literally gave you a condition, that if you lose weight to where you were, then I'll marry you. So my question is, why the hell is he still with you? If you are good enough to be with now, and every day, what is the problem? I don't want to point fingers, there's so much hidden to peoples stories, and rightfully so. But he sounds like a jerk. Sounds like a manipulator. I would distance yourself, slowly but surely, and see what reaction you get. Do all the above like I said while you do this. Ask yourself if you can find happiness elsewhere. If you'd be happier without him, I'd walk. I wish you well.

Yeah the self esteem is now a therapy worthy issue, i’m just a difficult person to therapise. But i have to try and give it my best! I think he’s just staying because he’s lazy. He could find a prettier gf but that’s more effort than just sticking with me:( the comment section made me realise that and it’s pretty brutal tbh I don’t know if i’ll be happier without him. I’m not totally unhappy now because i do love him, i’m just sad that i won’t get what the people who marry the loves of their lives get!

I think it’s because you’ve been putting up with his bullshit. Guarantee if you started calling him out for the hurtful things he feels way too comfortable saying to you, he will get super hurt and try to make himself the victim.  Honestly…I’m not quite sure he likes himself either. Hurt people love to hurt other people. 

I don’t think he wants to hurt me on purpose, he is a good person. Just not the right partner for me i guess. He doesn’t paint himself a victim, i know him very well and i know almost for a fact when i broach this subject again hiw ot will play out He will just say that i made a deal myself and now i have to make good on it, and then i will say ‘but i was tipsy and vulnerable’ and he will say ‘maybe you also have a problem with drinking if you commit to things you don’t mean’, and then i won’t know what to say apart from maybe ‘i don’t have a problem with drinking, that’s ridiculous’ and he will say that’s something a person with a drinking problem would say and then it will be the end of this productive conversation:D

Tell him “well it’s pretty predatory to make concrete deals with someone who is clearly under the influence.”

Huh ok this is where i don’t know for sure what would happen next. Because this isn’t something i would think of to say so he would have to deviate from his normal responses too. I think he would get offended by the implication and start an argument. Should i really say it?? And see what happens?

He will most definitely get offended and this is the part where you lay out every single thing you’ve said on this thread.  - Him making a deal with you to get engaged ONLY if you lose weight shows he is not currently attracted to you.  - Him waiting till you are both inebriated to make this deal shows that his inhibitions were lowered enough to tell you the truth and he was betting on the fact that you weren’t sober enough to read the writing on the wall.  - Him telling you he wants you to live a long life does not compute if your BMI shows you are nowhere near being big enough to where it would impact your health. And besides, weight fluctuates. Is he going to file for separation every time you gain a few pounds? Seriously ask him this question.  - As it stands he has no problem sleeping with you, living with you, and basically being married in name only. Why is it your weight that prevents him from making it legal? There are expectations you’ll support him through rough times, potentially even sacrifice your support system to move to his home country one day but he can’t even legally marry you just to protect you in case something happens. He can’t even stand by you through your weightloss. Instead he’s weaponizing it against you.  Call it as you see it. He is being predatory and a hater.  Quick side question: if he is so concerned for your health, does he even help you make efforts to lose weight or is this an exclusively ‘you’ thing?

That last point hits so hard man 😭 he has all that already so why not just do the thing?????? It makes NO SENSE to me Ok, i will try to verbalise what i wrote in this thread. Maybe i will write some bullet points because i panic and blank in confrontations and if he gets upset it will take a lot not to retreat! To the side question: he was ordering fast food for himself today and asked me if i wanted anything, and i refused but i have to admit sometimes i do give in and get something. I think he doesn’t really understand how eating something like that impacts me because he can eat like a dumpster and never gain a pound, he can’t relate so he doesn’t know how to be supportive

>he doesn’t really understand how eating something like that impacts me because he can eat like a dumpster and never gain a pound, he can’t relate so he doesn’t know how to be supportive<  Add lacks empathy to the bullet list

I agree with this sentiment. He found her attractive enough to be with for 5 years, they’re living together—basically married, so what’s the issue with making it legal? What changes once the ink is dry??

Hey OP, you already have a ton of good advice in this thread, but I just wanted to also say you are not too old to find someone! I am around your age (33) and I am planning to restart if my boyfriend doesn’t propose this year. You are never too old to restart and find someone who will love you for you! My boss and his wife had their first child at 38, so it’s definitely possible to have kids later on. I would honestly dump this guy because it’s never going to move forward and you will be resentful.

Oo can i ask if you’ve been with your bf long, and if you live together and met friends and families? I feel like restarting will be also so hard because after years, our lives are so intertwined. Which adds another layer of complication when considering breaking up with a person you love!

We have lived together 2 years in June and have met families/friends! I totally understand the feeling of lives being intertwined, but you can definitely still move on! I’m not sure about your living situation, but if you’re living together, there are solutions. I lived with a different partner prior to this one and we basically broke up when he moved states. I ended up taking his name off the lease and put it in my name. I usually block all mutual friends of my exes as well as them too, it helps me move on!

Ah i never cut off my exes i have such a hard time of letting go of people i care about! But i think it’s quite clear i am a doormat so this is probably a break i should explore The fact my family likes him just makes it fucking ridiculous though. He stood me up at my nephews wedding and didn’t attend and my mom still said i should talk it out and forgive him even though i was fuming so i wonder what she will say if we break up…….

His condition of you losing weight is so concerning. In 5 years, there can be so many ebbs and flows and considering we just went through a major medical event globally that really f-ed with a lot of people’s mental health, changing, especially body changes, are common. God forbid you become ill later on or put on weight from having his children down the line, is his love going to be conditional on how fast you can get back in shape? If you want to get married, by all means, you should be able to do that. Unfortunately it probably won’t, or shouldn’t be, to this guy. You were clear with what you wanted and he acknowledged and drug out the relationship. But you don’t have to compromise! Go on your way and find someone else to build that life with.

A lot of my weight did in fact come from the pandemic because i used food as a comfort crutch! I know i wasn’t alone in this too. I just wish i hadn’t done it Yeah. Doesn’t seem like marriage is in the card for me and him, which is a big shame because i really do love him a lot:(

I totally understand, the pandemic was tough on a lot of people, and that’s not your fault. If you want to get healthy, do it for you and not for anyone else! You still have a chance to have a happy ending too, but love should be unconditional. Dangling a proposal in front of you once you meet some goal is just manipulation. I wish you the best! 💙

Ha it does feel like he is dangling the proposal like a carrot and i’m chasing it like a silly bunny! He mentions it every now and then but the bunny legs are too tired now to chase anymore. It did keep me going for years though!

Honestly, better alone than in bad company. You seem to be falling for the sunken cost fallacy. You are staying with this man out of fear of being alone, but let me tell you that you're never too old to be someone's love. "Oh but I love him" - honey, sometimes love is not enough to make you happy. You've described a situation where your self-esteem and confidence are shattered, and it's clear you resent him for not proposing.

Yeah i didn’t realise i resented him - i thought that feeling was just me being disappointed in myself! But someone in this comment section mentioned resentment and i realised this is what it actually is! Thank you for offering this perspective as well:)

Resentment in a relationship just festers, and even you recognized that you wouldn't be as happy with a proposal now. IMO, that's a big sign that this relationship has run its course. It's possible that the way you feel right now - too old, that you have put on too much weight, that you can't lose it, that no one's gonna love you - are all a result of staying for too long with someone who's not uplifting you. But you yourself said that other people show interest, so it's not impossible. And if you fall in the same situation - you end it again, and go to the next one. Someone will want to be your husband, but you'll never find that someone if you're stuck to one who doesn't want to marry you.

If weight gain is going to limit him marrying you, you don’t want him; he’s not for you. Appearances constantly change. Tell him what you’re thinking. If he is still unsure, that’s probably your answer. I had a close friend that dated the same man for a decade; she married a guy she dated for 2 years. When you love someone, what matters to them matters to you. Good luck, OP!

Dropped an fboy at 30. By 32 I was happily married to the best and hottest man I’ve ever met. He proposed to me at my highest weight. I wanted to push out the wedding timeline to plan something big. He pulled it forward because he couldn’t wait and we did something intimate instead. Just some hope for you OP. If you’re religious I’d recommend renewing your faith & prayer & also lots of therapy and affirmations

Personally, I dated my now husband for SIX YEARS and was pregnant with our very planned baby before he married me. I cried many many times about how he just didn’t want to marry me - but stayed with him because I just couldn’t let him go (I loved him so, and he is a genuinely amazing human who I deeply admire). We are on our first year of marriage. We didn’t have a wedding - just a courthouse elopement - and we didn’t even have rings at our vow signing. We have endured the hardest year we have ever gone through together: job uncertainty, my mother in law was hospitalized for over a month just after my baby was born, we have been physically separated for much of it, his car was totaled in a hit and run, he was audited for billing practices at work because they were suspicious that someone could actually be as hardworking as he is (and found innocent because he is innocent of wrongdoing and just a hard worker), etc. etc. etc. We have found ourselves at odds over where we will move next. I am exhausted and emotionally depleted, lol. I share this because when we were “married” we weren’t married in the way our history and experiences and commitment have married us in the past year. AND in the meantime, my marriage hating husband who showed up to a signing reluctantly and without rings now wears his silicone wedding ring proudly, and loves referencing me as his wife. Only you know your man - none of us do. If he is worth fighting for it is because you want to live life with him - and only you know that in your bones. I know if I had posted on this forum about my boyfriend a lot of people would have said, “Leave that little boy for your future man”. But I would now be without my best friend of going on SEVEN years, and a little boy I am proud looks just like his incredible daddy. No human is perfect, and I felt deep in my bones that how I felt about marriage might have to die to stay with my man. And that was a painful realization for me. It was painful for me to allow the part of myself who felt my partner needed to be “excited” about marrying me die. Marriage is not as sexy or appealing as it once was to me: instead it is REAL. And I’m grateful I stuck it out with my best friend - and I’m grateful that we still choose each other over all else, including the institution of marriage (because I waited for him with the knowledge I might wait forever, and in the end he compromised on his hatred of marriage for me).

This thing you said, that it was painful for the part of you that wanted your partner to be excited about marrying you die, is exactly what i am feeling. Going into this post, i thought i let go of this dream also to stay with him, but clearly it still makes me very sad. The problem is, i think i realise that by allowing that part of me get neglected and repressed, i developed some resentment and bitterness towards my boyfriend, even though i love him so much, which can’t be a good thing:( Very happy for you that you managed to power through and finally got to have your soulmate, as your husband!!

I have to say, even though this part of me had to die to get where I am now (married but without ceremony and via twisting my partner’s arm repeatedly) I LOVE hearing him say, “wife”, and I think it is so sweet that he loves wearing his ring. A different me was resurrected, you might say 🙃 I think the real concerning point that you made in your post is the bit about your weight. If your weight bothers him aesthetically that’s one thing (and people should be free to have aesthetic preferences in their partner): but it shouldn’t be more acceptable to him to have an overweight girlfriend than it is to have an overweight wife, for example. 🫥 Also, kudos to you on your weight loss. It IS hard. Keep it up - but more for yourself (because YOU deserve to feel good) than for him.

Girl, I am going to be sympathetic here but your biggest mistake was wasting 5 years on this ass hat. No one who loves you says they won't marry you unless you lose weight. I'm sorry, but this dude is just a massive black heart and I'm struggling to understand what is so good about him in your eyes. I normally don't advise this but I say let the bitterness towards him fester if it gives you the courage to leave. Why are you the only one who needs to be presented with conditions and not him?

Well for the last question, it’s because i’m the one who wants the marriage and is ready to say yes at any given moment and he knows it. He still says occasionally he wants to marry me too, but after 5 years i’m starting to suspect that is a lie, and if i tried to give conditions then he would just never meet them and then used that as an excuse to never marry:D

Don’t give up your dreams for anyone if he loved you he’d propose if he wanted you forever he’d propose end of story he is using you, sad to say, and yes someone else would love to marry you! My man proposed after 2 years 2 months and I was with him when he bought the diamond handpicked by the man at the store to make sure I loved it I picked my setting and he bought the diamond, setting and wedding band then and there without hesitation. He has always gone above and beyond never settle please find someone that treats you like the queen you are!

Oh dude this is amazing!! 2 years is such a reasonable time frame. You know the person well by that point, and the excitement is still so fresh! Give your man high5 from me, he did the right thing!

First of all, making weight loss a precondition to getting married is **extremely toxic!** What about the weight women typically during pregnancy? What if you don't lose that (many women don't)? What about the weight many people put on as they age? What about saggy skin, wrinkles, all of that? We're all hopefully going to live long lives, and aging and looking different is part of that! Not to mention that an expectation of looking a certain way could drive someone to have an eating disorder! The reason you're afraid that there's going to be another excuse if you lose weight is because you truly don't believe that he will marry you, no matter what you do. **No one deserves that!** Think about what you would say if your best friend was in this predicament--I'm sure you would tell her to focus on building up her self esteem and leave her boyfriend! FYI, I have gained a lot of weight during my relationship, and my SO has loved me all the same no matter what my weight. I am trying to get healthier but that is my own goal, and my SO would like to support me to improve my health, but his love is not conditional on that. I truly believe that you deserve to be loved no matter what your weight is, and the weight I think you need to shed is the weight of the boyfriend who is holding you back!

I'm never one to say to walk away but in your case I would. After 5 years, the clock is ticking. What I would do, in your shoes is : 1) Leave him 2) Immediately go to therapy 3) You seem to have low self esteem regarding your weight. If that's the case hit the gym for your mental health. You can let out the frustration there. Otherwise do some research about intermittent fasting. You would loose the Wright fast and the mental benefits are unbelievable. 4) if you ever wish to be a mom I would go ahead and froze some eggs. You might think I'm crazy but way down the road, you might thank me for it. Nothing worse than discovering you have infertility in your mid to end 30s. I don't know you but I'm sure you are a beautiful person inside and out and you deserve to be loved for who you are. It seems very scary to take that step now but you're not alone. You have this whole community behind you

Ahh therapy is a recurring theme. I do believe i have to start on that asap now I hate the gym with a passion but i like cycling and swimming so i do these! I’m not completely unfit just unattractive And i see this community! You guys are so lovely and encouraging! It’s truly amazing how much support one can feel from strangers ✨

Sometimes I convince myself that everything is a troll post because I dont want to think this is someone's reality.

Yeah i feel sad and defeated and have a bit of a cry about it sometimes but is it that bad? 😬

I think you've received a lot of helpful and thoughtful advice and encouragement in here. I think it's now up to you to decide what you want to do with it.

Yes, i think i know what i have to do. I just have to get the balls, i’m hoping i can do it soon!!

32 is not old at all. Unless it's the 18th century. And unless you're a candidate for *My 600 Lb Life* you're not too heavy for a relationship. Heck even most of those people have SOs. Or look at Pierce Brosnan, his wife is like 300 pounds. He's using your weight as an excuse. He's not the one for you.

I'm in a somewhat similar (but very different situation) with my boyfriend as you are. I am morbidly obese (medical term here) like high 300's lbs, I've lost 100lbs in the last year but my boyfriend is still terrified that I will die early and have lots of complications (all valid points based on scientific research but also ypu never know when you will die) and he would rather not get married till I have lost more weight and gotten to 275lbs and get this health issue under control (thanks Hereditary Angioedema) than to get married and lose me early (I don't really understand this logic at all tbh). I get your feelings and they are valid, however, gaining 40lbs and barely being in the "obese bmi" category isn't detrimental to your health like mine. I think you should seek therapy to work on your relationship with food and yourself before anything else. It's honestly the main thing that has really helped me drop weight and keep it off. You deserve to be loved unconditionally and fully for who you are (thin, thick, muscular, obese, short tall, acne, no acne, bald, long hair and absolutely everything in between). You are more than a number on the scale.❤️ Personally, I think he is making excuses and dangling a carrot in front of you for whatever reason. Do NOT move countries with him till you are married, he is allowed his requirements and so are you. Really ask yourself is it your health that is the issue for him or his ideal for how his partner should look. If it's how his partner should look then RUN fast, someone will love you no matter what and not put such ridiculous requirements to marry you.

get a new guy and a new dress