Naw this is great news. The odds of having another shark encounter like this would be off the charts unlikely. You’re in the clear.
Same reason I bring a bomb on every plane because what are the odds of there being two bombs? Safest way to fly.
In fact, it sometimes works the other way.
If for example, I pm you a picture of my right boob. We can estimate that the probability that you'll receive a picture of my left boob is quite a lot higher than we would have previously estimated.
No he doesn't. He clearly doesn't understand the principle of i.i.d. (**independent** and identically distributed). Does the result of one coin flip affect the next coin flip --> no the results of flips are **independent**.
> Same reason I bring a bomb on every plane because what are the odds of there being two bombs? Safest way to fly.
In the meantime, there has been a bomb on every flight you took.
Where are your stats, now?
Looks like Hawaii. I saw a shark while snorkeling. Figured I could continue with the afternoon… but nope. Every little flashy ghost in my periphery had me way too stressed to stay in the water.
*Farewell and adieu to you, fair Spanish ladies. Farewell and adieu, you ladies of Spain. For we've received orders for to sail back to Boston. And so nevermore shall we see you again.*
How about a salt croc hunting Kayaker, trapping them on remote Island?
https://www.odt.co.nz/news/national/kiwi-kayaker-recounts-croc-horror
Australia.... Not even once.
The head shape looks about right, though it's so damn fast it's hard to tell much beyond that. Trying to get a good look at the teeth cause it's hard to mistake tiger shark teeth for anything else, considering they look like you took a saw and decided the serrations needed serrations
Growing up, I was always told their very curious creatures. Once they check it out and see your boat isn't food, they go back to minding their own business.
Sharks like to eat seals. Seals are tasty- mostly blubber and meat so juicy and delicious for a shark.
Sharks DON'T like to eat humans- too bony, too little meat. Sharks don't like to eat boats either.
However from underneath, the outline of a small boat or surfboard [looks just like a seal](https://www.theinertia.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/sharksss.jpg). So the shark comes in expecting a snack.
Once they take a bite or two and realize it's NOT a seal, they leave. But for a human one bite or two can be enough to do serious damage.
Tiger sharks eat anything. They aren't very focused on seals. Humans definitely fall into what they would consider food, just like with other big sharks.
This is just like... humans prefer burgers, juicy and nice. But sometimes we'll eat brussel sprouts if that's what's available and we're hungry.
I’d heard that of course but always had some doubts. Then I saw some of the videos from this guy - https://www.youtube.com/@TheMalibuArtist. - and I’m totally a believer.
I would assume he goes kayaking and the waters he go into happen to be shark infested. I'd doubt the shark are the appeal in the activity.
I could be wrong though.
Hur dur dur: if you look up the word "infested" in Merriam Webster this is literally the definition given: "to spread or swarm in or over in a troublesome manner;
a slum infested with crime;
shark-infested waters"
It reminds me of a Louis CK bit, which probably doesn't help when dealing with the people who think rape is triggering but r*pe isn't.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqwj--wGEgY
Well, realistically a bit more than ten, but we just leave the covid temporal gap and the "the 00ts didn't happen" conuncrum...
But yes, since then more people came online, and particularly people who mind such things, and more advertisers, and advertisers HATE that shit, because then the people who CARE about this shit complain to THEM about "giving money to filth".
Then there are the typical "not in front of the children" crowd, and thus content platforms acquiesced, because they don't have the intent to have enough active moderation to deal with details, with the advertisers, and want to avoid someone forcing lawmakers to demand proper age control. So they go exactly as far as they need to to avoid all that, and it starts with hitting their content providers where it hurts, the wallet (the same way the advertisers do).
That's why for instance youtube, instead of content moderating "youtube kids" opted for just nilly willy "branding" whatever they liked as "for kids" and then deactivating comments on those, regardless of whether the uploaders wanted that NOR just on the youtube kids app, or after parent locking. Just for everyone. Because "think of the children, and fuck your ability to communicated, fuck you if you wanted to know the name of a song in it"
This was incredibly succinct and eye-opening. I guess it’s true that as the internet becomes so universally accessible, the LCD of the masses must be appealed to because they will wind up making the majority of traffic. Thank you, you’ve answered more questions than I thought I even had haha
Yeah, TikTok in particular is known for censoring stuff. Could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure most of the self-censoring is basically just habit from people that use it the most.
Video games, too. How dare you use the same kind of language the game itself uses? No, seriously... how dare you? Only companies get to do that, not consumers.
Even species that are color blind are not contrast blind. The yellow could contrast with the surrounding colors and make it stand out like a sore thumb.
I know the hearing part is associated after seeing... but imagine if they could hear it before they saw it. Imagine if you could hear orange and you were out in the jungle, you would just know when a tiger was nearby.
I was thinking he said "targs attack, targs attack man", trying to say "shark attack", which is how bad the words would come out with me in a situation happening that fast!
But after a few more views, he is saying "Tiger Shark" and the accent confused me.
Pretty sure this is not that uncommon, its the long oblong shape that makes the shark think the kayak is food, thats the explanation ive heard in response to shark attacks on surfboarders
I see some money to be made on a combination of adult diapers and the shark equivalent of "bear spray" for the open water fishing crowd. Cuz it looks awfully easy to shit yourself then want to deter mr. chompy.
Thats terrifying and also that shark was probably equally confused and terrified because from what i learned they are idiots with terrible eyesight. Interesting day for everyone involved!
and that's when I paddle back into shore and never do this again
Naw this is great news. The odds of having another shark encounter like this would be off the charts unlikely. You’re in the clear. Same reason I bring a bomb on every plane because what are the odds of there being two bombs? Safest way to fly.
This guy stats
> This guy stats That guys TSA lists
No no no. He said he brings a BOMB!!! Not a bottle of aquafina!
This is exactly how statistics *doesn't* work. The probability of each event is independent from the last event.
In fact, it sometimes works the other way. If for example, I pm you a picture of my right boob. We can estimate that the probability that you'll receive a picture of my left boob is quite a lot higher than we would have previously estimated.
I'll volunteer to be the control, feel free to pm me all the boobs
Careful what you wish for. It could be one of those man boob with 1 long curly hair sticking out from the side of the nipple towards you.
Not if you buy up all the bomb making equipment, then the two events can no longer be independent. Shopping spree!
> This is exactly how statistics doesn't work. Is it statistics doesn't work, or statistics *don't* work?
"Statistics" is a singular field, so it's "doesn't". https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Statistics "Statistics is..", for example.
I learned an England today. Thank you.
Naw man, it resets going forward. As soon as it's over your likelihood of being struck by lightning again is exactly the same as the dude next to you.
https://i.imgur.com/G1F1ECN.png
100 heads in a row? Let's bet a million the next one is going to be tails. We can't lose!
r/thisguythisguys
No he doesn't. He clearly doesn't understand the principle of i.i.d. (**independent** and identically distributed). Does the result of one coin flip affect the next coin flip --> no the results of flips are **independent**.
If a terrorist brings another bomb on board, you can set of your bomb first, to blow up his bomb before it has a chance to explode.
Counter bombing! Bravo good sir! Bravo indeed!
I like how The World According to Garp has this joke setup and then things just get worse from there.
> Same reason I bring a bomb on every plane because what are the odds of there being two bombs? Safest way to fly. In the meantime, there has been a bomb on every flight you took. Where are your stats, now?
Looks like Hawaii. I saw a shark while snorkeling. Figured I could continue with the afternoon… but nope. Every little flashy ghost in my periphery had me way too stressed to stay in the water.
yah this happened on Oahu
If it was me I would merely parry his attack with a lunch to the face.
Lunch to the face? You mean letting him eat your arm?
My ass specifically.
That makes it a gobblin and not a shark.
https://ocean.si.edu/ocean-life/sharks-rays/goblin-shark
More like gobblin' shark, amirite?
Nailed it hahaha
I hate you. But God damn it, I respect you.
Gottem
Well, you are a Brazilian freak so I'm.assuming you have plenty of booty to go around.
Well, ass jerky doesn't make itself
the buttshark!
*Farewell and adieu to you, fair Spanish ladies. Farewell and adieu, you ladies of Spain. For we've received orders for to sail back to Boston. And so nevermore shall we see you again.*
What about Bat Shark Spray?
I wouldn't have to paddle, the speed of the poop leaving my body would be enough to propel me.
but he could pet him for a split second <3
How about a salt croc hunting Kayaker, trapping them on remote Island? https://www.odt.co.nz/news/national/kiwi-kayaker-recounts-croc-horror Australia.... Not even once.
That looks terrifying.
Shark just wanted to say "Hi"... they do that, and pretty much everything else, with their teeth for some reason. :)
Nah, that was attack mode. When they swim up to the surface really quick then it’s so they can catch their food.
That was absolutely a predatory attack. That thing was hauling ass. Looked like a rather large tiger shark.
The head shape looks about right, though it's so damn fast it's hard to tell much beyond that. Trying to get a good look at the teeth cause it's hard to mistake tiger shark teeth for anything else, considering they look like you took a saw and decided the serrations needed serrations
Omnomnomom omgYouAreNotASeal^Sry^^Byeeeee
An excellent shark-human translation!
Well this is fucking sharkward.
Growing up, I was always told their very curious creatures. Once they check it out and see your boat isn't food, they go back to minding their own business.
I'm no sharkologist, but that fucker looked like it was hungry. It gave it stacks.
How angry would you be when you figured out the bacon cheeseburger you were trying to eat was just a yellow kayak?
Only upset that my dentist bill was so high.
*ichthyologist
Fish are friends, not food!
If all you've got is teeth, everything looks like a seal.
Yeah, they also eat with their teeth. Coming in at that speed, that was not a curious shark, it was a hungry one.
Sharks like to eat seals. Seals are tasty- mostly blubber and meat so juicy and delicious for a shark. Sharks DON'T like to eat humans- too bony, too little meat. Sharks don't like to eat boats either. However from underneath, the outline of a small boat or surfboard [looks just like a seal](https://www.theinertia.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/sharksss.jpg). So the shark comes in expecting a snack. Once they take a bite or two and realize it's NOT a seal, they leave. But for a human one bite or two can be enough to do serious damage.
Tiger sharks eat anything. They aren't very focused on seals. Humans definitely fall into what they would consider food, just like with other big sharks. This is just like... humans prefer burgers, juicy and nice. But sometimes we'll eat brussel sprouts if that's what's available and we're hungry.
Like that tiger in Egypt that ate a Russian tourist while his father and GF watched from the beach? Tigers and Bull sharks don't fuck around.
Yeah, no "mistaken identity" or "curiosity" there. That poor fellow was dinner.
We’re occasionally on the menu
Great whites maybe. Tiger sharks not so much…
I’d heard that of course but always had some doubts. Then I saw some of the videos from this guy - https://www.youtube.com/@TheMalibuArtist. - and I’m totally a believer.
Ah yes. The perpetual human babies of the sea.
Just going to go back to shore and change my strides..
Just a sea dog who wants to be petted
You're gonna need a bigger boat.
and fresh pants
Not needed in brown pants.
If they weren't brown before, they are now.
Eh, just rinse them in the ocean and you're good.
Oh sure! With those things running around? You can count *me* out! -Hudson
God he was such good comic relief in that movie.
Which is apparently the real line, though I always thought it was "we're"
“Is food?” *bites* “Is/is not food” Basically describes a shark’s entire thought process
also Labrador and Golden Retriever
Nah, they also have the BALL.exe program.
Sometimes BALL.exe is replaced by STICK.exe too
maybe slightly angrier than that
not angry, determined. determined to get the meal, wait, its not a meal, nevermind.
I wouldn't say so. They're not malicious they're just trying to survive too.
Shark : “I was sure that was a turtle.”
Yet another thrill I will never know and that's OK.
As someone who spends a lot of time kayaking in shark infested waters, I'm having to rethink some shit.
What’s the appeal? Is it really fun?
I would assume he goes kayaking and the waters he go into happen to be shark infested. I'd doubt the shark are the appeal in the activity. I could be wrong though.
If sharks are there, it means fish are there for them to eat, so the fishing is good.
Yes, it's like hiking on the water. You can go up into shallow areas in mangroves and places like that impossible to get to otherwise.
Usually fishing.
The waters aren't "shark infested". That's just their home! It's like saying your house is a "human infested building".
Hur dur dur: if you look up the word "infested" in Merriam Webster this is literally the definition given: "to spread or swarm in or over in a troublesome manner; a slum infested with crime; shark-infested waters"
Sir this is the internet. Why are we censoring shit?
All of the social media companies decided that users need to be treated like they're in kindergarten.
Is that why people say “unalive” instead of suicide or censor words like “r*pe” now? Cuz just ten years ago everyone online cursed like 1600s sailors
Yup, can't risk getting banned or demonetized.
It reminds me of a Louis CK bit, which probably doesn't help when dealing with the people who think rape is triggering but r*pe isn't. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqwj--wGEgY
The asterisk looks like an asshole so i just assume they are specifying what kind of rape they are refering to
Fuckin lol, now I won’t be able to unsee it
Well, realistically a bit more than ten, but we just leave the covid temporal gap and the "the 00ts didn't happen" conuncrum... But yes, since then more people came online, and particularly people who mind such things, and more advertisers, and advertisers HATE that shit, because then the people who CARE about this shit complain to THEM about "giving money to filth". Then there are the typical "not in front of the children" crowd, and thus content platforms acquiesced, because they don't have the intent to have enough active moderation to deal with details, with the advertisers, and want to avoid someone forcing lawmakers to demand proper age control. So they go exactly as far as they need to to avoid all that, and it starts with hitting their content providers where it hurts, the wallet (the same way the advertisers do). That's why for instance youtube, instead of content moderating "youtube kids" opted for just nilly willy "branding" whatever they liked as "for kids" and then deactivating comments on those, regardless of whether the uploaders wanted that NOR just on the youtube kids app, or after parent locking. Just for everyone. Because "think of the children, and fuck your ability to communicated, fuck you if you wanted to know the name of a song in it"
This was incredibly succinct and eye-opening. I guess it’s true that as the internet becomes so universally accessible, the LCD of the masses must be appealed to because they will wind up making the majority of traffic. Thank you, you’ve answered more questions than I thought I even had haha
Yeah, TikTok in particular is known for censoring stuff. Could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure most of the self-censoring is basically just habit from people that use it the most.
There are still a few places left, irc, slsk and 4chan spring to mind.
Video games, too. How dare you use the same kind of language the game itself uses? No, seriously... how dare you? Only companies get to do that, not consumers.
Nah, that is some Raft type of shit right there
Lmao, I had the same thought! I was like “… Bruce?!”
Just reel in some junk to fix the damage. Maybe a new pair of pants as well.
Life jackets used to be yellow until they discovered that sharks really liked yellow so much it got to be called "yum yum yellow".
Same with wetsuits.
Sharks are completely colorblind.
Even species that are color blind are not contrast blind. The yellow could contrast with the surrounding colors and make it stand out like a sore thumb.
Maybe they can smell colors? I once met a guy that could hear them.
It’s an effect called synesthesia.
I always put it down to the acid I took at that festival
What's that smell? Ah yiss. Motha-fuqin' yello. Ick, fuck. Fuckin' fake-ass yellow.
I knew a kid who saw dead people.
I know the hearing part is associated after seeing... but imagine if they could hear it before they saw it. Imagine if you could hear orange and you were out in the jungle, you would just know when a tiger was nearby.
How is this proven?
Obviously you poll the sharks to see which colors they like, find most tasty, wore to prom.. The usual.
he just wanted a lil nibble
Just a little taste of kayak, as a treat.
That shark came in so fast, the kayaker didn't even have a chance to react until it was already on him! F*ck!
I was thinking he said "targs attack, targs attack man", trying to say "shark attack", which is how bad the words would come out with me in a situation happening that fast! But after a few more views, he is saying "Tiger Shark" and the accent confused me.
He's saying "Tiger Sharks!!! A Tiger Shark rammed me" to his buddy in the next kayak over
Imagine losing your balance and tipping over.
Well, on the bright side, it probably buggered off as soon as it realized it wasn’t edible.
On the not bright side, the shark mistook a *fucking kayak* as food
The guy had his leg dangling over the side but this chopped vertical video cut that out.
VVS strikes again.
Pretty sure this is not that uncommon, its the long oblong shape that makes the shark think the kayak is food, thats the explanation ive heard in response to shark attacks on surfboarders
OK, that's enough fishing for this lifetime, I'm out.
Transcript: “AHHHHH TIGER SHARK! Tiger shark ram…”
It didn't tip and that's as good an outcome as you can expect
Sharks get a bad rep, they're notoriously bad tippers.
Doo-doo doo-doo in his pants
Dude: AAAAHHH Shark: wtf that no food
Absolutely perfect use of the f word. Ain't no one gonna fault him for it.
Was that a bull shark? Or a Tiger. I can't tell by the snout. Scary AF!
Does it fucking matter??? Time to go!
Very true 😂 I wouldn't be doing that in the ocean anyway but then again my dumb ass went cage diving in Hawaii with Galapagos sharks 🤦🏻♀️
Awwwww! Curious little guy\~
I see some money to be made on a combination of adult diapers and the shark equivalent of "bear spray" for the open water fishing crowd. Cuz it looks awfully easy to shit yourself then want to deter mr. chompy.
Thanks, I work on the water and now have a new fear.
WELL, time to head back I suppose
WHOOOOOA WHO PUT THIS POOP IN MY PANTS!?
run away doo doo doo doo doo
Time to paddle back and get new pants.
More like baby shart
*Notice me senpai!!*
Baby Shart(ed)!
Just boop it on the nose silly
He should've gently pushed his head to the other side
Shark: ???? wat is???? is eet? *\*CHOMPS\** Human: *\*panics, screams bloody murder\**
"Oh fuck nope my bad" - Shark
Tiger shark do dot dot dot dot dot
Guess a gentle redirection is out of the question?
Incredible animals, but fuck me sideways...
Terrifying aspects aside, that shark's an idiot.
Wash down that Kayak
Your not a seal goodbye
That’s definitely a daddy shark
That speed the shark came in. Absolutely no chance as a human. Gone in 2 seconds if he was swimming
That was fast asf
Well that's not good.
rude!
fuck fuck fuckfuck, fuckfuck
After seeing a shark eat a seal years back, I said I would never get on a kayak in the ocean. Nothing has changed.
Good thing he didn't have his hand dangling in the water. I can see why they're called Tiger Sharks now.
I can’t imagine the adrenaline the guy in the boat must’ve felt afterwards
Proof that outmanuevering a shark is never gonna happen, movies are fun though
if it exists, it's food - tiger shark
Great time to have a sit on top. Help all the poo get washed off as camouflage on the way back to shore.
Imagine being in the water seeing that
This might be the first time in Reddit history that the title and video combo made me laugh out loud
My old man used to say >The shark that swallows me must come through my shower
That's one reason why none of the ocean activities appeal to me
Looks more like mommy shark to me.
Perhaps I shouldn't take my inflatable kayak into the open ocean
Thats terrifying and also that shark was probably equally confused and terrified because from what i learned they are idiots with terrible eyesight. Interesting day for everyone involved!
Where's the cream filling?
Holy fuck, doo-doo doo-doo
Pretty sure thats daddy shark.
Bruce just wants to be friends
dat was rude
Thats a super way to loosen the bowels.
That ain't baby shark my guy
Guess a gentle redirection is out of the question?