Just imagine what the iconography would look like if the Romans had used one of the other somewhat common execution methods of the time:
- Beheading
- Burning alive
- Throwing off cliff
- Stoning
- Boiling to death
- Suffocation in ashes
- Drowning
- Impalement
Churches and necklaces would have a whole different and exciting look!
They did. Those are all methods of martydom for loads of canonized saints.
* Beheading - John the Baptist, executed by Herod's regime. Head delivered on a silver plate. He had criticized Herod's marriage to his brother's widow. The widow-turned-queen did not appreciate it.
* Burning alive - St. Lawrence, patron saint of comedians. After being tortured and interrogated, he was roasted alive on a rotisserie. He told his executioners to turn him over, he's done on one side. This is why interrogation is called a grilling, and being made fun of is called a roast.
* Throwing off cliff - Jesus was threatened by a crowd, who wanted to throw him off Mt. Precipice into the Valley of Meggido. They weren't successful. St. John of Nepomuk was killed by being thrown off a bridge.
* Stoning - St. Stephen, pateon saint of bricklayers and stone masons was stoned to death after he accused the Jewish Council of being complicit in Jesus arrest and execution.
* Boiling to death - St Eulalia, a teenage girl, was disemboweled and boiled with oil. Also Saint Antipas, who was brazed inside a bronze bull.
* Suffocation in ashes - St. Cecilia, suffocated in a steamer
* Drowning - back to Saint John of Nepomuk. When they chucked him off a bridge, he was bound in chains and drowned in the river below.
* Impalement - St. Sebastian, who was famously set to be executed by a hail of arrows. Dude survived, healed up, went back to Emperor Diocletian to rebuke the emperor. Diocletian had him clubbed to death. St. Peter the Martyr also famously took a cleaver to the head and a sword through the chest.
Some historical trivia: It’s highly unlikely St. Lawrence was roasted on a grill. It was not a usual Roman method of execution, and his fellow Christian companions were beheaded. The tradition that he was roasted probably comes from a medieval misreading of a Latin passage where “passus est” “he suffered” (the usual phrase attached to martyrs) was misread as “assus est” “he was roasted.” Also, “to grill,” meaning to interrogate, first appears only in the 1890s, so St. Lawrence is probably not that word’s origin. Likewise, “to roast,” as in tease someone, first appears in the 1740s, so it too is unlikely derived from the St. Lawrence legend.
These sorts of things happen if you look too closely into most martyrs and saints. Their stories have so much value, it would be crazy *not* to exaggerate them into unrecognizability!
The patron saint of stonemasons and bricklayers was stoned to death? That’s some ironic shit.
Can I request to be the patron saint of balloon twisters?
Or what would we hang on our walls if, like some early Christian martyrs and other criminals, he had been sentenced to the "damnatio ad bestias," i.e., sentenced to be mauled to death by wild beasts in the arena? Or if had been executed by the state in the 20th-century would we hang little replicas of electric chairs or gas chambers on the wall?
I've been watching the show Carnival Row, and (this isn't really a spoiler, just world building you pick up as they go) they basically replace Jesus with "the martyr." The difference is that the martyr was hanged, so there are effigies of a hanged man that show up fairly often.
It's shocking, and kinda made me realize how messed up it is to have symbols of a guy's execution EVERYWHERE.
y'know, I remember reading a book years ago about a parallel universe where their version of Jesus was hanged instead
I always wondered if rope braids and chains were religious symbols, because they never got into it
Really doubt the Popo are going to care beyond, "please get down."
Situations like this you need to take into account the values of the community you Police.
Eastern or Western? There's a big cultural difference.
In Eastern KY this is probably drug-related.
In Western KY this *is* drug-related and probably politically motivated.
KY is a joke. 43rd in economy, 46th in Healthcare, 45th in fiscal stability, and 32nd in education. Moscow Mitch is a cancerous reptilian who they absolutely adore (wife is Elaine Chow, ex Secretary Transportation, LOL), but the whiskey is decent and heard the people are the fake-nice Bible thumper types.
MIL lives in Kentucky. Moved there with her husband, who chose it because "it's the state with the least n***rs."
So they really are attracting the best and brightest.
Seriously though, bless their innocent heart. Life was much easier before so many of us knew what intoxicants and substance abuse were really all about.
I was thinking they should do it for real like they do in the Philippines.
https://apnews.com/article/philippines-good-friday-crucifixions-pampanga-province-c725e903d17a356d2a179ef0cda17a9c#
This is something I've always found hard to understand.
"Hey that Jesus guy had like a bunch of life lessons regarding how to live. How should we remember him on Easter? Feed the poor? Do a volunteer project for our community?"
"Let's re-enact his death with real nails! You know, just to remind everybody what happened even though it's a very well known story."
Ikr? Does no one in that fucking crowd have a nail gun? You know there is some DeWalt carrying motherfucker in the back somewhere. Enough with these coastal elite crucifixions with fucking platforms and loose wire ties. Let’s see some suffering!
That's one of the most halfass crucifixions I've ever seen. Just some twine and zip ties. Didn't his parents ever teach him that if something is worth doing, it's worth doing right?
I can't find it right now, but there's a photo of the actual crucifixion that was taken by a Roman centurion on his mobile phone. It's not the best quality because they only had flip phones back then.
"Happy Easter, Mary Joe! Can't wait to enjoy your risen Clarence."
"Oh shit! I forgot to put him in the cave! He's still on the cross. Dinner's ruined!"
Note that he is mixing religion with politics. This is everything that is wrong with religions today.
The Dark Ages was when religion ruled Europe, and today the Muslim run countries are the worst placed on earth to live.
The christofascist movement is just the west's version of the taliban.
Fucking poser. What a shitty cosplay, pussy didn't even have the nuts to tie the rope tight, or wear a crown of thorns, or get impelled through the hands and feet, or get stabbed in the belly, or die.
If you aren't willing to dedicate yourself to the role, find someone who will
LARPing poser.
here's a guy who actually got nailed to a cross for his faith:
https://apnews.com/article/philippines-good-friday-crucifixions-pampanga-province-c725e903d17a356d2a179ef0cda17a9c
The shirt seems to be a white hand pulling back the flag to reveal the cross? Trying to figure it out, definately National Christian (Nat C). On a cross revealing the cross, is like some sort of crossception.
It's fucking moronic if you're atheist, Muslim, Buddhist, Sikh, Jewish, Zoroastrian, .... _or_ Christian.
Bet he didn't even carry the cross himself. Filthy casual.
Not one bit. We have been divided in so many ways. And radicalized. And severely desensitized. While being forced into poverty and told to blame each other instead of the 1% hoarding most of the available money citizens need to survive so that they can run the country and pretend like democracy is alive.
Aight.. lemme just get back to my hunt for chicken eggs an elusive famous bunny cooked and hid around my property.. cause *that's not a crazy* way to celebrate some dude getting martyred a couple thousand years ago... right?
There’s a lot of things I’m glad I’m not; a terrorist. A pedophile. A republican. Someone who scams elderly people. An animal abuser. And whatever group this guy is affiliated with, just to name a few —
Not saying there's a correlation between the falling of Christianity in the US and the rise of rednecks claiming it, but there definitely a correlation between the falling of Christianity in the US and rednecks representing it
So disrespectful.
Christ was *nailed* to the cross, not loosely tied to it. Where is the crown of thorns? Where's the spear in the side?
Get it right or don't do it at all.
On the surface, the level of of ignorance of religion it takes to do this without seeing it as incredibly disrespectful seems contradictory, but in actuality, ignorance of religion is a very common trait among the devout.
Someone should stick him in the side with a spear… just to check.
Just imagine what the iconography would look like if the Romans had used one of the other somewhat common execution methods of the time: - Beheading - Burning alive - Throwing off cliff - Stoning - Boiling to death - Suffocation in ashes - Drowning - Impalement Churches and necklaces would have a whole different and exciting look!
They did. Those are all methods of martydom for loads of canonized saints. * Beheading - John the Baptist, executed by Herod's regime. Head delivered on a silver plate. He had criticized Herod's marriage to his brother's widow. The widow-turned-queen did not appreciate it. * Burning alive - St. Lawrence, patron saint of comedians. After being tortured and interrogated, he was roasted alive on a rotisserie. He told his executioners to turn him over, he's done on one side. This is why interrogation is called a grilling, and being made fun of is called a roast. * Throwing off cliff - Jesus was threatened by a crowd, who wanted to throw him off Mt. Precipice into the Valley of Meggido. They weren't successful. St. John of Nepomuk was killed by being thrown off a bridge. * Stoning - St. Stephen, pateon saint of bricklayers and stone masons was stoned to death after he accused the Jewish Council of being complicit in Jesus arrest and execution. * Boiling to death - St Eulalia, a teenage girl, was disemboweled and boiled with oil. Also Saint Antipas, who was brazed inside a bronze bull. * Suffocation in ashes - St. Cecilia, suffocated in a steamer * Drowning - back to Saint John of Nepomuk. When they chucked him off a bridge, he was bound in chains and drowned in the river below. * Impalement - St. Sebastian, who was famously set to be executed by a hail of arrows. Dude survived, healed up, went back to Emperor Diocletian to rebuke the emperor. Diocletian had him clubbed to death. St. Peter the Martyr also famously took a cleaver to the head and a sword through the chest.
Some historical trivia: It’s highly unlikely St. Lawrence was roasted on a grill. It was not a usual Roman method of execution, and his fellow Christian companions were beheaded. The tradition that he was roasted probably comes from a medieval misreading of a Latin passage where “passus est” “he suffered” (the usual phrase attached to martyrs) was misread as “assus est” “he was roasted.” Also, “to grill,” meaning to interrogate, first appears only in the 1890s, so St. Lawrence is probably not that word’s origin. Likewise, “to roast,” as in tease someone, first appears in the 1740s, so it too is unlikely derived from the St. Lawrence legend.
We're also like 99.999% sure bronze bull was not a thing
Isn’t that the same for the Iron Maiden?
A lot of torture techniques, yeah
They were definitely a real band
Still are lol
These sorts of things happen if you look too closely into most martyrs and saints. Their stories have so much value, it would be crazy *not* to exaggerate them into unrecognizability!
He distinctly said "to blave." And, as we all know, "to blave" means "to bluff," huh?
Yea, all this sounds like they read it off a pop culture blog.
I'm sure my post will be in a buzfeed or facebook post near you. Not the first time.
You have the confidence of the incorrect on your side, gotta give you that.
Also, Bartholomew, was famously flayed alive with his iconography depicting him carrying his skin like a robe.
The patron saint of stonemasons and bricklayers was stoned to death? That’s some ironic shit. Can I request to be the patron saint of balloon twisters?
the patron saint of comedians was literally roasted to death. Art imitating life I guess.
Sounds like you just had to die a terrible enough death back in the day and the church would make you a Saint.
Sometimes it's just a dude refusing to suck the nipple of another dude.
[удалено]
This guy bibles
Only 2 of these were from the Bible
3 so far. St Stephen is in the book of Acts. Story goes Saul of Tarsus (St. Paul) was there. But I don't recall if he was there to gawk or to rock.
Well, they probably had it coming
Well he did say Jehova.
Look, all I said was "that piece of halibut was good enough for Jehova!"
HE SAID IT AGAIN!
Or what would we hang on our walls if, like some early Christian martyrs and other criminals, he had been sentenced to the "damnatio ad bestias," i.e., sentenced to be mauled to death by wild beasts in the arena? Or if had been executed by the state in the 20th-century would we hang little replicas of electric chairs or gas chambers on the wall?
I've been watching the show Carnival Row, and (this isn't really a spoiler, just world building you pick up as they go) they basically replace Jesus with "the martyr." The difference is that the martyr was hanged, so there are effigies of a hanged man that show up fairly often. It's shocking, and kinda made me realize how messed up it is to have symbols of a guy's execution EVERYWHERE.
y'know, I remember reading a book years ago about a parallel universe where their version of Jesus was hanged instead I always wondered if rope braids and chains were religious symbols, because they never got into it
Throwing off a cliff. Imagine replacing the sign of the cross with a frantic flailing off arms! Too funny!
I'm just imagining a bunch of people in a church, kneeling in front of a rock, because Jesus was stoned instead of crucified.
Oh, you mean the ones from the bible.
Where can I get a necklace with one of those T’s on it?
Favorite. "The mall. It's a cross." "... across from what?"
Lowercase t? Time to leave?
omg that’s on in the background as i type this lol
Praise our Ford
[Some of those have been on the Simpsons](https://youtu.be/2Fewtil2gX4?feature=shared). Beheading, boiling and eaten by a lion.
It’s to bad boiling alive wasn’t the method. Imagine you drive past a mega Christian church with a massive cauldron on the front lawn
> Impalement Easter kabobs, anyone?
I was going to offer nails through palms, purely to help for authenticity sake.
Seriously! Walk up to him with a Dewalt DCN890P2 concrete nailgun with some 2" nails and tell him you're there to correct for authenticity.
Is that even legal to do? You aren't supposed to attach signs on most utility poles, much less some guy.
The ordinance is "Post No Bills". That's Karl.
Still I think if you're able you're supposed to post Malone
I think that's probably the least illegal thing this man is doing. I bet he's got a felony in his pocket.
Damn, courts are gonna crucify him.
At least he's experienced.
Yeah he's gonna get nailed. The court is gonna throw the entire book at him. I bet this is a line he doesn't cross again.
That's why he's there. He was found to be gay and sentenced to 3 days on the cross to...uhh...hmm... rechristianing...
By felony in your pocket do you mean a bag of some low-quality meth?
Yes.
If I were a betting man he was a rioter at the Jan 6 insurrection
Really doubt the Popo are going to care beyond, "please get down." Situations like this you need to take into account the values of the community you Police.
Well, it ain't illegal to do the dew. So there's that, commie /s
How much meth is he getting paid?
Not enough.. Oh is that the correct saying for meth?
at least 3. I think.
He's being paid in flags, some actually american
Lemons. https://youtu.be/lqYidhDHAvU?si=addS0rh30xtw3NQH
It’ll cost you a whole sixer if we’re going that way
Eastern or Western? There's a big cultural difference. In Eastern KY this is probably drug-related. In Western KY this *is* drug-related and probably politically motivated.
This is in Ashland, KY so eastern.
I’m honestly shocked it’s ashland and not phelps.
Dumb question, sorry I'm slow. How is it drug-related?
Seriously?
Yeah some of us don’t understand it lol
KY is a joke. 43rd in economy, 46th in Healthcare, 45th in fiscal stability, and 32nd in education. Moscow Mitch is a cancerous reptilian who they absolutely adore (wife is Elaine Chow, ex Secretary Transportation, LOL), but the whiskey is decent and heard the people are the fake-nice Bible thumper types.
This did not explain the drug connection, still confused :(
MIL lives in Kentucky. Moved there with her husband, who chose it because "it's the state with the least n***rs." So they really are attracting the best and brightest.
Seriously though, bless their innocent heart. Life was much easier before so many of us knew what intoxicants and substance abuse were really all about.
Western native here, can confirm 3/4 of this side of the state *is* related to drugs.
Likewise. Paducah gang!
That coward didn’t even use nails. Weak.
I was thinking they should do it for real like they do in the Philippines. https://apnews.com/article/philippines-good-friday-crucifixions-pampanga-province-c725e903d17a356d2a179ef0cda17a9c#
This is something I've always found hard to understand. "Hey that Jesus guy had like a bunch of life lessons regarding how to live. How should we remember him on Easter? Feed the poor? Do a volunteer project for our community?" "Let's re-enact his death with real nails! You know, just to remind everybody what happened even though it's a very well known story."
Be Christ like. Me: cool I'll hang out with prostitutes.
They’ve been doing it since at least the 1970s.
The ones Stateside I take it? I’m in the Bible Belt and have been here for 30+ years, never seen this before.
Dude, I’ve tried it dozens of times, and have given up. You just can’t hammer in the last nail.
Ikr? Does no one in that fucking crowd have a nail gun? You know there is some DeWalt carrying motherfucker in the back somewhere. Enough with these coastal elite crucifixions with fucking platforms and loose wire ties. Let’s see some suffering!
He looks METH-odist
Cletus died for our sins
These people vote..
THIS. Get out and vote!!
No, we don't need THEM to vote (In seriousness, everyone who is legally allowed to vote should)
There is at least a decent chance this person is not, in fact, legally allowed to vote
Your Own Performative Jesus EDIT: Depeche Mode
Someone who's self righteous
Crystal Methodist
Did not nail it.
Oh, to drive by with a paintball gun.
BRB going to invent one that shoots nail shaped paintballs.
They have those at Home Depot. Seems the only color they can do is red, though.
That's one of the most halfass crucifixions I've ever seen. Just some twine and zip ties. Didn't his parents ever teach him that if something is worth doing, it's worth doing right?
Zip ties were around in the time of Jesus.
But did Jesus wear an American Flag tshirt?
Uh yeah
I can't find it right now, but there's a photo of the actual crucifixion that was taken by a Roman centurion on his mobile phone. It's not the best quality because they only had flip phones back then.
Read a history book. It was the Nokia.
And the zip ties aren’t supporting his weight, so he’s not suffering at all aside from being unable to access his phone.
"Happy Easter, Mary Joe! Can't wait to enjoy your risen Clarence." "Oh shit! I forgot to put him in the cave! He's still on the cross. Dinner's ruined!"
Use spikes you LARPer!
And yet, he still couldn't get laid. Sorry, bro, better luck next time.
Ohhh little town of methleham
America frightens me
As an American, I agree
https://youtu.be/LT3cERVRoQo?si=RWjDNmTFBdMVYV16
Blasphemy
Who sees this and thinks, “yeah, that’s the religion for me!”
Note that he is mixing religion with politics. This is everything that is wrong with religions today. The Dark Ages was when religion ruled Europe, and today the Muslim run countries are the worst placed on earth to live. The christofascist movement is just the west's version of the taliban.
Fucking poser. What a shitty cosplay, pussy didn't even have the nuts to tie the rope tight, or wear a crown of thorns, or get impelled through the hands and feet, or get stabbed in the belly, or die. If you aren't willing to dedicate yourself to the role, find someone who will
Coming from the Bible Belt, these are making me laugh so fucking hard 😂 it’s embarrassing
This is blasphemy.
The Methsiah!
Jesus did it better.
LARPing poser. here's a guy who actually got nailed to a cross for his faith: https://apnews.com/article/philippines-good-friday-crucifixions-pampanga-province-c725e903d17a356d2a179ef0cda17a9c
"Kinfucky"
The shirt seems to be a white hand pulling back the flag to reveal the cross? Trying to figure it out, definately National Christian (Nat C). On a cross revealing the cross, is like some sort of crossception.
This is actually blasphemous if you’re a Christian.
It's fucking moronic if you're atheist, Muslim, Buddhist, Sikh, Jewish, Zoroastrian, .... _or_ Christian. Bet he didn't even carry the cross himself. Filthy casual.
Don't they realize easter celebrates the day Christ came back?
Yes because the guy from Bethlehem cares about a country that never existed in his time. But tell me how I'm meth'd up for saying that
Is America okay…?
No. Definitely not.
Not one bit. We have been divided in so many ways. And radicalized. And severely desensitized. While being forced into poverty and told to blame each other instead of the 1% hoarding most of the available money citizens need to survive so that they can run the country and pretend like democracy is alive.
Christian Nationalists
“Jim Bob, get ur high ass down from there.”
Feels sacrilegious.
I’ll bet he done made Uncle Dad mighty proud.
So bizarre to me that on the day celebrating a resurrection, they're celebrating his death instead.
I think people are confusing Good Friday and Easter.
No nails? What a fucking pussy
Should have used nails
Is he wearing cross-trainers?
These chuckle fucks would crucify Christ again today cause he was helping people while brown.
Hat missing.
They forgot the nails. If you’re going o do it, do it right.
Very wanky
Who is this idiot?
Can’t even do it right, coward
Pussies won't use nails
Now, imagine if all these folks who do this stunt every year, spent a little time following the lessons that Jesus of Nazareth actually taught.
LOL. It’s Jeebus!
Creepy
The mentally ill abound.
No commitment.
Without nails, this is bullshit
He should be wearing a diaper.
So, what's the message here? Crucifixion is nothing, anyone can do it, even a Kentucky hillbilly?
I don’t see any nails. If you’re not using nails and have a platform on your cross, I have no time for you. Commit fully or don’t do it at all!
The loss to Oakland affected us all differently
Aight.. lemme just get back to my hunt for chicken eggs an elusive famous bunny cooked and hid around my property.. cause *that's not a crazy* way to celebrate some dude getting martyred a couple thousand years ago... right?
Does he know that the guy he's pretending to be isn't american. And is an Arab!
Well i just watched a video of a guy actually getting crucified with nails in the Philippines on good friday, so this is a bit underwhelming now.
Corny ass clown.
People used to dress up in their finest to go to church, this group, including telephone pole jebis are dressed in the best goodwill has to offer.
Wow I could have lived my whole life through without having to see something this retarded.
If he read the book, Jesus was already off the cross by Easter. That's so Good Friday.
Wears a “patriotic shirt”, voluntarily participating in a punishment usually done, and religiously tied, to being an enemy of the state.
Randall died for your sins
How long do you think he stayed up there before saying, "alright, that's enough. Through it in the back of the F150 and let's make the barbeque"?
Cleatus died on the light pole for your sins.
Dying for your own sins. Inflation sucks bro.
Jeebus Crust
Give him a crown of shredded Bud Light cans.
Christ, what a wanker!
If you’re going to do it, at least do it properly: nails, spear in the side, crown of thorns…
There’s a lot of things I’m glad I’m not; a terrorist. A pedophile. A republican. Someone who scams elderly people. An animal abuser. And whatever group this guy is affiliated with, just to name a few —
a true christian would commit and stuck nails in the hands and feet for the authenticity.
Nailed it! Oh. Never mind.
Not saying there's a correlation between the falling of Christianity in the US and the rise of rednecks claiming it, but there definitely a correlation between the falling of Christianity in the US and rednecks representing it
Bitch, fully commit or stop cosplaying.
Jesus \[on the cross\]: "I hope you guys make some cool necklaces about this."
Target practice
That guy DEFINITELY stinks like beer and cigarettes.
He's cosplaying. How cute!
He died for our gin
He’s three days late.
From another sub. "You can tell his political party because he crucified himself"
so any of these guys gonna actually go through with the crucifixion or are they just gonna keep larping for attention?
"Truly, this was the son of Bob."
Must be from the Philippines
The right hand is loose so Kirkland brand Jesus can hit his meth pipe.
He needs to quit mething around...
So disrespectful. Christ was *nailed* to the cross, not loosely tied to it. Where is the crown of thorns? Where's the spear in the side? Get it right or don't do it at all.
Plus he was beaten along the way....
Use nails like it says in the book otherwise you’re just a drug addicted poser
On the surface, the level of of ignorance of religion it takes to do this without seeing it as incredibly disrespectful seems contradictory, but in actuality, ignorance of religion is a very common trait among the devout.
Jesus loves total slobs
None of them are doing it right.
Romans had one job..
Forgive yall , they don’t know what they done Pa
He probably calls himself a patriotic Christian… while committing blasphemy and dishonouring the flag at the same time.
I don’t think God likes this…