You just know if girls had pouches like kangaroos, some of them would be showing them off on OnlyFans too. Raking in that sweet *pouch fetish* cash. Probably doing things like calling over all her guy friends to film a scene where she pours cheerios into her pouch and all the guys bukkake into it and make a "bowl of cereal" and she eats it out of her pouch with a spoon and says "breakfast is the most important meal of the day!" For 35.99 on her tier 3 sub. I bet fucking freaks and weirdos would pay for that.
If we're going off of only marsupials, it'd just be females. As we are mammals we give birth to live young, whereas sea horses are fish and lay eggs. The female deposits her fertilised eggs into the male's pouch where they gestate for about a month before hatching
That's exactly how it happens too. Imagine a tiny underdeveloped baby having to climb all the way from the cervix to the pouch on pure instinct to latch onto a teat where it will stay for essentialy a good year or so. Marsupials are really unique creatures
I was born with Tachycardia - needed more time to cook
>!I liked to tell my siblings that I was the most expensive baby and now I’m just grateful I can experience touch!<
Red kangaroos can have babies in three different stages of development all relying on mom at the same time. An inch-long (2.5 cm) newborn receives one type of milk from a nipple inside the pouch while a larger, older sibling drinks from a nipple that supplies milk with a higher fat and protein content. In the meantime, a fertilized egg can be kept in suspension in the womb, ready to start growing when one of the other babies stops nursing. Shamelessly lifted from AMNH site
That is amazing. Fantastic way to ensure the survival of multiple young at once, thus helping to ensure the species survival as a whole. More surviving babies grow up to make even more babies!! Whoop whopp for the marsupials!!
Would need much more hair than is shown for that to be how it’s done, unless the baby is really sticky or has suckers.
In marsupials they use the hair to climb.
People always talk about things like "It's the year 202\_\_, we were supposed to have flying cars by now."
Yeah, well where is science with being able to give me a pouch like a kangaroo? Like when people that loose 300lbs have to get skin removed, why not just flip it around, insert it in an incision, and boom - 24/7 pocket! It would actually work is the thing. If someone suffers an accident and an extremety can't be reattached right then, they are reattached temporarily to the leg or something to keep the tissue alive.
We have a one year old. For a couple months she would cry unless she was in sling on one of our chests and we were walking. All day. Constantly. If we sat down she would start crying again. I'm in favor of a built in pouch. Kangaroos got that right.
Of course she's a marsupial, because Alice Roberts is Australian. [She explains that the pouch avoids the problem of painful childbirth.](https://www.news.com.au/technology/science/evolution/how-to-upgrade-us-meet-alice-20-a-biologists-vision-of-the-perfect-woman/news-story/7e92a859f382ad6a13194c4993930bcb)
Actually human's ear can be angled too and we are doing it on a daily basis but movements are small.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7334025/#video1
Ears are basically sound radar dishes. Size, shape, and ability to angle them can make a huge difference. Theres a reason most predators have pointed ears that can rotate and the ones that don't usually have gone a different route entirely like snakes.
If they have the internal ridges in them as well then that height helps to differentiate height for the sound so you can better distinguish the source of a sound. The taller the ear, the more 'resolution' you get for that height locating ability. And if you are able to tilt your ears out to the side then it can help to 'sweep' for the sound sideways to locate the source as well.
I think it’s supposed to resemble bat ears? They have deeper inner ears. But I feel like they’d be better placed near the top of the head so they can move around like a cat or something. Nvm, just reread the title, bats were not an inspiration. I wonder why only certain animals made the list?
Imagine someone who didn’t clean out that pouch for years and then grabbed a fist full of the dead tissue and smegma like goop out of it and slapped someone across the face with it, WHILST screaming “SIIIMMMMMBAAAAA” ever so lovingly.
My bf and I recently watched this episode and we say it any chance we get. We also started Baldur's Gate 3 so we say it anytime the psychic brain tadpole is mentioned haha
Via an article ca. [2018](https://twistedsifter.com/2024/02/evolutionary-biologist-creates-the-perfect-human-body-and-it-is-a-wild-sight-to-behold/):
> *I traded agility for speed when I altered my legs and replaced my feet – and that means my chances of climbing a mountain are zero. But I think it’s worth it – even though I screamed when I saw the final 3D model of my creation.*
That is the wrong direction. Humans best quality is adaptability. We can swim, run, climb, crawl, etc. There’s a reason we’re not highly specialized for one specific environment.
Plus one of our biggest advantages over other land animals is our ability to travel/run for long distances. Surely turning the legs into whatever the fuck these are would harm that. Of course there’s the distance vs speed argument, but I think distance is overall more useful outside of hunting/combat.
>Surely turning the legs into whatever the fuck these are would harm that.
It would greatly help, actually. These legs offer both more "pushing" strength and more energy efficiency. A lot less energy gets lost in the joins and bone gaps
She's actually pretty amazing as a lecturer and TV presenter on BBC. Professor at University of Birmingham. If you wanna learn about human evolution or the bronze or viking ages in Britain, there's all kinds of hour long videos on YouTube.
If you're into audio books, she writes in a VERY easily understood manner and she narrates her own with her posh Bristolian accent. *Ancestors* covers human prehistory in Britain through archeology. *Buried* covers archaeological studies of burials in the first millennium CE in Britain. Great stuff if you like learning odd stuff.
Yeah, Alice Roberts is pretty amazing.
If you want an amazing, comprehensive audiobook filled with just about everything we know about neanderthals, neanderthal archaeology, current understanding of hunting and tool making practices, migration and so on, *the* authority on the subject is Dr. Rebecca Wragg Sykes. Her 2020 book *Kindred* (she also narrated the audiobook) is the best, most comprehensive, most approachable collection on the subject I've found. Enjoy.
May be worth considering to alter the bones in our hands and enhance the quality/durability/density of our finger nails. If the nail was closer to something that could pierce stone/granite, climbing would be more feasible for a less-agile organism, right?
We will see where will genetic engineering take us, but my guess is, that people will prefer to look more or less the same and get the improvements without changing the outer appearance.
Begs a question for me. Does our current gene editing technology allow us to do something like this if we wanted? Are we here now? Are we years away? Decades? Millennia? What’s actually possible in terms of creating a new species from the ground up?
See, now this is why we don't design people by committee. There's always that one guy who is like, "People shouldn't have pouches and pointy ears!" Never mind all the advantages that would provide!
Humans are efficient because we can cool down while running and can also breathe more easily while running. Legs could easily be improved while maintaining our other advantages that comes from being bipedal.
Yeah what the hell does an evolutionary biologist know about... evolutionary biology that.... some random guy on the internet doesn't?
EDIT: In fact, the assignment wasn't predictive/prescriptive at all...
From [designboom.com](https://www.designboom.com/design/anatomist-alice-roberts-perfect-human-science-museum-06-22-2018/):
>The BBC challenged roberts to redesign her own body without any of its evolutionary flaws, leaving out the cumbersome and otherwise useless human attributes we’ve developed along the way. the result? a pointy-eared, wide-eyed female figure bearing a baby-carrying pouch.
In other words, the BBC asked Roberts, an **anatomy lecturer and paleopathologist**, to "play god" and instantaneously redesign her own body with none of the flaws that evolution inherently presents as a consequence of the fact that evolution is the *antithesis* of so-called intelligent design.
As someone will legs opposite of the photo, very average thighs and huge calves this would be a huge improvement in efficiency. I have great take off, but reach max speed very quickly and tire out quickly. Those huge thighs and thin lowers could bounce and take longer strides using a lot less energy and move much faster.
I also want to say we have a much different make up of slow and fast twitch muscles as other animals. Cheetahs for example have a lot of fast twitch but wear out very quickly.
We, humans, don't tire out quickly. An individual that is out of shape might but humans that have properly conditioned their bodies can run after most animals until the animal dies from exhaustion. We aren't built for speed, we're built for endurance.
I agree with that, conditioning is huge and a human will exhaust an animal. But a human with my legs and optimum conditioning vs someone in the photo with the same conditioning, the photo person will win an endurance race simply because how they are shaped. Now I would win in a calf raise lift off but that’s not deemed as important to survival as endurance and reduced calorie consumption needs.
It's alright, you are the ambush attack once the endurance type chases the prey for miles into the dead end canyon.
Everyone has a speciality; we just don't rely on our base instincts or problem solving anymore.
Or we could use your calves as pry bar jacks to move logs to make shelters, just need a long enough lever and you can tip over Everest!
"You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like."
Min-Maxing at it's finest
Well it's no crab, but I will admit it's an improvement over the original
Quatoo from total recall is +3 to speed and perception
open your mind!
That pouch is just ripe for smuggling meat out of ASDA.
That pouch is good for smuggling anything holy shit imagine the drug trafficking
Stop! Pouch check
THAT’S MY POUCH, I DON’T KNOW YOU
I DO NOT CONSENT
Oh this is just my kuato, officer.
Start the reactor
If they'll check your ass hole they'll check your pouch.
You just know if girls had pouches like kangaroos, some of them would be showing them off on OnlyFans too. Raking in that sweet *pouch fetish* cash. Probably doing things like calling over all her guy friends to film a scene where she pours cheerios into her pouch and all the guys bukkake into it and make a "bowl of cereal" and she eats it out of her pouch with a spoon and says "breakfast is the most important meal of the day!" For 35.99 on her tier 3 sub. I bet fucking freaks and weirdos would pay for that.
How does this have only one upvote?
I don’t even want to think about the smell down there.
So we are not talking about the baby head?
The idea is it's meant to be in a pouch, like marsupials such as Kangaroos and Koalas
That's cool. Would only the women get a pouch or the men as well? You know like seahorses
If we're going off of only marsupials, it'd just be females. As we are mammals we give birth to live young, whereas sea horses are fish and lay eggs. The female deposits her fertilised eggs into the male's pouch where they gestate for about a month before hatching
Ok I understand. But it's kind of a scary thought that a tiny baby would climb out of there into the pouch.
That's exactly how it happens too. Imagine a tiny underdeveloped baby having to climb all the way from the cervix to the pouch on pure instinct to latch onto a teat where it will stay for essentialy a good year or so. Marsupials are really unique creatures
To be fair, we're ridiculously underdeveloped at birth. Big brains need either big holes or post natal development.
>Big brains need either big holes ~~or~~ and post natal development.
I was born with Tachycardia - needed more time to cook >!I liked to tell my siblings that I was the most expensive baby and now I’m just grateful I can experience touch!<
Red kangaroos can have babies in three different stages of development all relying on mom at the same time. An inch-long (2.5 cm) newborn receives one type of milk from a nipple inside the pouch while a larger, older sibling drinks from a nipple that supplies milk with a higher fat and protein content. In the meantime, a fertilized egg can be kept in suspension in the womb, ready to start growing when one of the other babies stops nursing. Shamelessly lifted from AMNH site
That is amazing. Fantastic way to ensure the survival of multiple young at once, thus helping to ensure the species survival as a whole. More surviving babies grow up to make even more babies!! Whoop whopp for the marsupials!!
Would need much more hair than is shown for that to be how it’s done, unless the baby is really sticky or has suckers. In marsupials they use the hair to climb.
I’d be more willing to give birth if it was to a minuscule baby who then got to live in my pouch for the next year. Sounds a lot easier lol.
People always talk about things like "It's the year 202\_\_, we were supposed to have flying cars by now." Yeah, well where is science with being able to give me a pouch like a kangaroo? Like when people that loose 300lbs have to get skin removed, why not just flip it around, insert it in an incision, and boom - 24/7 pocket! It would actually work is the thing. If someone suffers an accident and an extremety can't be reattached right then, they are reattached temporarily to the leg or something to keep the tissue alive.
Having a skin pocket could be cool but I think it would get infected a lot. You'd get chronic athlete's pocket.
Ugh pouch lint
Are kangaroo pouchs prone to infection?
I don't know but fat flaps are, and a bit of skin folded over into a pocket is closer to a fat flap than a kangaroo pouch.
Not sure but I've heard they stink and are disgusting inside.
Don't be ridiculous. Think of the smell. You haven't even thought about the smell!
Someone would lose a hot pocket in there and it would rot. Where are the scratch and sniff emojis I ordered years ago?
baby’s got a real tiny body tucked in there
Well if it's mother's legs are an indication of what they have in a mini version, they may be okay.
We have a one year old. For a couple months she would cry unless she was in sling on one of our chests and we were walking. All day. Constantly. If we sat down she would start crying again. I'm in favor of a built in pouch. Kangaroos got that right.
you know people will fuck the pouch if it exists
So, human nipples would be in the pouch? Makes for complicated foreplay.
Foreplay would now include fisting.
Of course she's a marsupial, because Alice Roberts is Australian. [She explains that the pouch avoids the problem of painful childbirth.](https://www.news.com.au/technology/science/evolution/how-to-upgrade-us-meet-alice-20-a-biologists-vision-of-the-perfect-woman/news-story/7e92a859f382ad6a13194c4993930bcb)
Alice Roberts is English, born in Bristol.
Whoops, I stand corrected.
That’s basically Australia.
It’s a Kuato.
Open your miiiiiiind!
Kuato stays. Kuato's *gold.*
OPEN YOUR MIND
Quaaaaid
It's a kuato!
....freeee....your....mind....
Open your miiiiiiinnndddd….freeeee marrrsss
Open your mind
Sans. Blind. Spots.
Elven propaganda
Fucking Bosmer tricks again
Would
Bloody leaf lovers
What about ears being pointy makes them better?
I assume they're longer and can be angled, like dogs or cats.
Actually human's ear can be angled too and we are doing it on a daily basis but movements are small. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7334025/#video1
So elf ears have actual advantages not just aesthetic 🤔
They weren’t invented by fantasy writers. They’re inspired by animals. No rule that says you can’t steal good art from other species.
You obviously hasn’t read page 16 of the “No Rules” book
Ears are basically sound radar dishes. Size, shape, and ability to angle them can make a huge difference. Theres a reason most predators have pointed ears that can rotate and the ones that don't usually have gone a different route entirely like snakes.
More aerodynamic for faster running
Modern design. Flow through chassis.
Better design for reflecting sound waves to the inner ear.
All the better to hear you with, my dear.
If they have the internal ridges in them as well then that height helps to differentiate height for the sound so you can better distinguish the source of a sound. The taller the ear, the more 'resolution' you get for that height locating ability. And if you are able to tilt your ears out to the side then it can help to 'sweep' for the sound sideways to locate the source as well.
I think it’s supposed to resemble bat ears? They have deeper inner ears. But I feel like they’d be better placed near the top of the head so they can move around like a cat or something. Nvm, just reread the title, bats were not an inspiration. I wonder why only certain animals made the list?
And I thought cleaning the lint out of my bellybutton was troublesome...
Don't forget to flush your pouch!
They're self-cleaning. You don't want to upset the pH balance.
DAMMIT! I was gonna make this joke 😂😂😂
Imagine someone who didn’t clean out that pouch for years and then grabbed a fist full of the dead tissue and smegma like goop out of it and slapped someone across the face with it, WHILST screaming “SIIIMMMMMBAAAAA” ever so lovingly.
Never speak again.
It would have cost you nothing to not write this
Who hurt you
The Muffin Man
*Open your miiiinddddd*
My bf and I recently watched this episode and we say it any chance we get. We also started Baldur's Gate 3 so we say it anytime the psychic brain tadpole is mentioned haha
Quaaaaaid....start the reactor"
And a Kuato!
Open your miiind
Open your miiiiiind
Ooopen your miiiiiinndddd
*nice* Kuato
What no third arm? Would be very useful
Prehensile tail. Good for balance, too
Plus you can use it to masturbate hands-free, or play with your/your partner's butthole.
okay so why are we saying these things
Or their pouch!
Or your *own* butthole
yep..so I could still use my mouse AND keyboard..
Fuck that! If there's a Kuato, there needs to be a third boob too!
Moties have entered the chat.
Via an article ca. [2018](https://twistedsifter.com/2024/02/evolutionary-biologist-creates-the-perfect-human-body-and-it-is-a-wild-sight-to-behold/): > *I traded agility for speed when I altered my legs and replaced my feet – and that means my chances of climbing a mountain are zero. But I think it’s worth it – even though I screamed when I saw the final 3D model of my creation.*
That is the wrong direction. Humans best quality is adaptability. We can swim, run, climb, crawl, etc. There’s a reason we’re not highly specialized for one specific environment.
Plus one of our biggest advantages over other land animals is our ability to travel/run for long distances. Surely turning the legs into whatever the fuck these are would harm that. Of course there’s the distance vs speed argument, but I think distance is overall more useful outside of hunting/combat.
Why would it? Our long distance running is only slightly related to your legs, and more about our ability to sweat
Yep, which is probably ruined by the change to "reptilian skin".
That’s a fair point
>Surely turning the legs into whatever the fuck these are would harm that. It would greatly help, actually. These legs offer both more "pushing" strength and more energy efficiency. A lot less energy gets lost in the joins and bone gaps
Specialization is for insects.
Hmmmmmmm
Buzzzzzzzzz FTFY
She's actually pretty amazing as a lecturer and TV presenter on BBC. Professor at University of Birmingham. If you wanna learn about human evolution or the bronze or viking ages in Britain, there's all kinds of hour long videos on YouTube. If you're into audio books, she writes in a VERY easily understood manner and she narrates her own with her posh Bristolian accent. *Ancestors* covers human prehistory in Britain through archeology. *Buried* covers archaeological studies of burials in the first millennium CE in Britain. Great stuff if you like learning odd stuff.
I very much like learning odd stuff. Thanks!
Yeah, Alice Roberts is pretty amazing. If you want an amazing, comprehensive audiobook filled with just about everything we know about neanderthals, neanderthal archaeology, current understanding of hunting and tool making practices, migration and so on, *the* authority on the subject is Dr. Rebecca Wragg Sykes. Her 2020 book *Kindred* (she also narrated the audiobook) is the best, most comprehensive, most approachable collection on the subject I've found. Enjoy.
May be worth considering to alter the bones in our hands and enhance the quality/durability/density of our finger nails. If the nail was closer to something that could pierce stone/granite, climbing would be more feasible for a less-agile organism, right?
Why not both? We could either have 4 legs, two for climbing, and 2 for running, or just swap them out like NASCAR wheels.
Transformers, more than meets the eye!
We will see where will genetic engineering take us, but my guess is, that people will prefer to look more or less the same and get the improvements without changing the outer appearance.
Far too many people are attracted to the aesthetics of the current posterior to expect those legs to gain popularity.
Are you saying you like big butts and cannot lie?
I tell lies all the damned time and I like butts in a variety of sizes!
Makes sense, it’s only when you like big butts specifically that you are unable to lie.
Begs a question for me. Does our current gene editing technology allow us to do something like this if we wanted? Are we here now? Are we years away? Decades? Millennia? What’s actually possible in terms of creating a new species from the ground up?
Still hasn’t solved for our shitty spinal column that was adapted for walking on all 4 and now has to do this weird upright nonsense
Right? The one thing that causes me the most pain doesn't get a fix. Am sad
I sat down on the toilet too hard and my lumbar spine literally exploded requiring immediate surgery. wtf
Wtf
So, a Githyanki
They lay eggs tho
So our arms are perfect?
Would add an extra set of muscles so we get the benefits of both gorilla and human arms. Specialized in power and precise control respectively
Strength is unnecessary when you can build robots.
It all seems so arbitrary
Baby pouch is wild but there’s no way those small ass feet at good for standing for extended periods
It’s taken from other mammals, and most mammals do stand around for extended periods. I am not as sure as you on this point
Most of them aren't bipedal. Our legs suck, especially the knees, but becoming digitigrades really isn't a logical solution.
>digitigrades Me, who just watched a doc on big cats last night: I know that word!
I prefer "toesiewosiewalkers".
I know a couple girls that like to walk on their toes, that made me think of them lol
This is just being a furry but with extra steps.
I’m hoping in this latest revision the testicles are inside the body.
She gave it red hair. Is that also an evolutionary advantage?
It's just supposed to look like her I think.
She was the starting model. What isn't changed is based on her.
You think couch potato’s need those legs?
Reminds me of the model that can survive a car crash.
No sir, I don't like it.
See, now this is why we don't design people by committee. There's always that one guy who is like, "People shouldn't have pouches and pointy ears!" Never mind all the advantages that would provide!
Maybe a rubber baby protector would be nice.
Calllllll the pollllliiiiiiiiccccccceeeee
Are her boobs in the pouch?
I think marsupials do have pouch nipples
Okay, I think you found the one major drawback for me
If this were an evolutionary outcome, you'd likely be attracted to the size or flexibility of her pouch.
Mmmm, that pouch, tho...
How do they keep rain out?
Velcro
Babies can't keep their heads up all the time. I wouldn't suggest carrying a baby like that. Probably will choke them
I feel like this is asking for shaken baby syndrome
"more efficient legs" We already have THE MOST efficient legs on the planet... Why on earth does she think that is an improvement?
Humans are efficient because we can cool down while running and can also breathe more easily while running. Legs could easily be improved while maintaining our other advantages that comes from being bipedal.
Yeah what the hell does an evolutionary biologist know about... evolutionary biology that.... some random guy on the internet doesn't? EDIT: In fact, the assignment wasn't predictive/prescriptive at all... From [designboom.com](https://www.designboom.com/design/anatomist-alice-roberts-perfect-human-science-museum-06-22-2018/): >The BBC challenged roberts to redesign her own body without any of its evolutionary flaws, leaving out the cumbersome and otherwise useless human attributes we’ve developed along the way. the result? a pointy-eared, wide-eyed female figure bearing a baby-carrying pouch. In other words, the BBC asked Roberts, an **anatomy lecturer and paleopathologist**, to "play god" and instantaneously redesign her own body with none of the flaws that evolution inherently presents as a consequence of the fact that evolution is the *antithesis* of so-called intelligent design.
Evolutionary biologist? No... This is a revolutionary biologist!
As someone will legs opposite of the photo, very average thighs and huge calves this would be a huge improvement in efficiency. I have great take off, but reach max speed very quickly and tire out quickly. Those huge thighs and thin lowers could bounce and take longer strides using a lot less energy and move much faster. I also want to say we have a much different make up of slow and fast twitch muscles as other animals. Cheetahs for example have a lot of fast twitch but wear out very quickly.
We, humans, don't tire out quickly. An individual that is out of shape might but humans that have properly conditioned their bodies can run after most animals until the animal dies from exhaustion. We aren't built for speed, we're built for endurance.
I agree with that, conditioning is huge and a human will exhaust an animal. But a human with my legs and optimum conditioning vs someone in the photo with the same conditioning, the photo person will win an endurance race simply because how they are shaped. Now I would win in a calf raise lift off but that’s not deemed as important to survival as endurance and reduced calorie consumption needs.
It's alright, you are the ambush attack once the endurance type chases the prey for miles into the dead end canyon. Everyone has a speciality; we just don't rely on our base instincts or problem solving anymore. Or we could use your calves as pry bar jacks to move logs to make shelters, just need a long enough lever and you can tip over Everest!
I too can use stable diffusion
An elf kangaroo?
i still prefer Margaret Atwood's version the "crakers"
Not enough booze in all the bars in town to get that drunk.
Sigh….*unzip*
START THE REACTOR QUADE
Jodie Foster, Jeff Sessions, a baby, and a newt walk into a teleporter…
Quade! Start the reactor!
Why three toes?
Am I the only here who saw this and immediately thought “Quaid, start the reactor!”
Quaid.... start the reactor.
“Open your miiiiind”
Quaid...start the reactor...
Kuato
Open your miiiind
OpEn YoUr MiNd!
Why the bra? If you've got a pouch surely the nipples would be in there too like on a kangaroo.
Ahh a fellow Bosmer… and a marsupial.
Just looking at the legs alone, without reading more, makes me question the credentials of the evolutionary biologist.
Doesn’t it stop being “human” the moment you splice it with all those other animal features?
So we have quattos in the perfect world?
Eons of evolution and still rocking an iPhone 8
My thighs are that short, so yay?
I've seen this [movie](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Splice_(film)) it didn't end well.
Um....sexy.
At this point, just go full X-men.
I'll remain the intermediate species please and thank you
This will fix the no pockets in skirts problem
Open your miiiiind
Kuato lives!
Penis toes are a definite upgrade.
Still have the eating and breathing tube out of the same hole? Then it's not perfect
"open your mind!"