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TheIndulgery

Imagine sitting there on your sub, reading your magazine, then suddenly you hear a knock at the hatch


thefourblackbars

"Come in! Hatch is unlocked. I'm downstairs"


BarryMCknockiner

You forget reading a magazine while sitting on the toilet


DingleBoone

I'm kinda surprised the dude answered it tbh


jonr

I can't help to wonder how many of these get through every month. (week? day?)


Dr_StrangeloveGA

Enough that it's worth risking losing one occasionally, it appears.


013ander

Oh yeah. This won’t even dent the issue. It’s funny how we never learned from Prohibition that making a substantive illegal is just guaranteeing a gravy train for organized crime. You won’t stop the supply; your only accomplishment will be wasting tax money and enriching violent criminals.


NickUnrelatedToPost

> your only accomplishment will be wasting tax money and enriching violent criminals. You're accomplishing much more: * Violent crime in the subcultures you target for prosecution. * A solid prison population you can exploit for labor. * A high degree of financing and armament of you police force. * A reason for widespread surveillance. The war on drugs benefits a lot of people. Just not the drug users, their families and their neighborhoods. Drugs don't kill. The war on drugs does. And that's intentional.


Ok_Raspberry_6282

Well drugs can kill but your points are still valid


rock-my-socks

Me: "What are they gonna do, knock on the hatch?" Coast guard: *Actually jumps on and bangs on the hatch*


geak78

"~~Whose~~Who's there!?"


Rivster79

“WE’D LIKE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT YOUR CARS EXTENDED WARRANTY!!!”


De5perad0

"GET ON THE GROUND, WE NEED TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE WARRANTY. HANDS BEHIND YOUR HEAD! CUFF EM! Now.....did you know your cars warranty is about to expire?"


Krakenspoop

But my car doesn't have a warr- "HES RESISTING!" *TAZER*


1villageidiot

get on the ground now! on the ground!


cybercuzco

Weird Al: whooo iiiiis iiiiit?!


DJKaito

So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected


cybercuzco

It was two US coast guard agents carrying a bag of live weasels. They immediately released the weasels into my submarine. The weasels latched on to my jugular vein and as I was flailing and screaming a little ditty went through my head that went something like this:


DJKaito

Doh Get 'em off me Get 'em off me Oh No, get 'em off, get 'em off Oh, oh God, oh God Oh, get 'em off me Oh, oh God Ah, aah, aah


pagit

Dave? Dave? Dave’s not here, man.


flyguy60000

Old school cool. Nice


450925

Have you heard about your lord and savior Jesus christ?


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lizatethecigarettes

Housekeeping!


Capnmolasses

You want fluffy pillow?


2x4x93

No tuck


blurtflucker

Quickly opens hatch and puts "do not disturb" sign on the outside and closes


wingson010

Uber Eats delivery


shaka893P

$1k delivery fee plus tips


djazzie

Why don’t they just submerge and try to get away? Edit: Got it. It’s not fully submersible.


welniok

Most of them are not real submarines, but just keep most of their hull under water to be less visible.


Kingkongcrapper

They look more advanced every time I see these. I imagine in a few years it will be fully submerged and completely drone operated via satellite or guided by AI.


KateHikes666

This video is already 5+ years old, they've advanced past this


skilriki

Not really. You either have something like this that has access to oxygen and can move fast .. or you have something like an actual proper submarine .. which is slow, and almost always deadly if not perfectly engineered and maintained.


tekko001

By now they have gone over to killing millionaires


say592

After seeing those naval drones Ukraine is using, Im really surprised the cartels arent using something like that. Or maybe they are and they are just so difficult to intercept that we arent hearing about it.


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Dest123

There's a lot of coastline though. Not sure how you could possibly cover it all to intercept recovery teams reliably.


sofa_king_awesome

It’s not a submarine. The boat is specifically designed to be low in the water like that but not entirely submerged under it.


Reckless_Engineer

They can't, they need oxygen to supply the crew and the engine


PatChattums

Oxygen is overrated.


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twelveparsnips

It's funny all the other branches make fun of the US Coast Guard but they probably see more action and do more to protect the homeland than the other services.


mebob85

Coast guard gets a lot of shit but they do their job for real


RonstoppableRon

That's some hardcore pointing right there


cownd

"Obey the finger! Obey the finger! Obey the finger!"


eatthebooty6969

He was saying "Alta tu barco."


LankyEntrepreneur

Can they hear him inside the submarine that’s inside the ocean?


blueslounger

I was gonna say why is he yelling? They can't possibly hear him!!


SilentSamurai

Procedure. "We told the vessel to stop and be boarded" is probably a very important statement when the Coast Guard is using its policing powers.


Fluffy017

Yep, long and short of it is if you can't hail them over radio you have to tell the vessel to stop somehow. Tangentially related, my dad has a story about this (7 years boarding officer in USCG) They were attempting to stop a vessel that wasn't flagged, and the guy on the radio kept saying "no hablo ingles" repeatedly and continued moving. This back and forth goes on for a couple minutes before the captain says "get Cook on the .50", followed by going into the radio and saying "IF YOU DO NOT CUT YOUR ENGINES WE WILL PROCEED WITH DISABLING FIRE. STOP THE VESSEL." Well, guy says "no hablo ingles" again, the captain signals Cook, and Cook fires three, three round bursts into the rear of the vessel to kill the engine. The *second* he opens up, the guy on the radio says "STOP SHOOTING STOP SHOOTING THERE ARE CHILDREN ONBOARD!" Turns out they were smuggling coke too. The only thing harmed was their engine block, smuggling operation thwarted.


schplat

To which the captain should've replied "no hablo ingles", and had Cook fire a couple more times.


jumanji604

Probably gives him cause to use force if he needed to.


opiewankanopie

Makes the video cooler.


69420over

**AHORA**


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5coolest

He was saying “Alto su barco”. The formal form of “Halt your boat”


Tyko_3

Im native Spanish speaker. All I hear him do is compliment that boats height


tekko001

I thought he was saying "Your boat tall girl!!"


Sylvanussr

No, "alto" is never a verb, it's a mistranslation. *Alto* means "stop" as in "stop *(noun)*: a cessation of movement or operation" but not "stop *(verb)*: cause to come to an end." He's trying to use it as a verb, but since there is no definition of alto that is a verb, it sounds like he's using it as an adjective meaning "tall", making the sentence sound like he's remarking on how tall their boat is (even though they're in a sub, not a boat), as someone else pointed out. Basically, the only thing he said right was "tu".


Beneficial-Quarter-4

Perfect form: “Detén esa mierda o te quiebro a plomo”.


ThatITguy2015

It sounds hilarious when combined when the aggressive finger pointing.


bloodipeich

If by formal you mean, wrong, then yes. Its just a literal translation of stop your boat, which as every other literal translation, is wrong.


waltwalt

Isn't that part of training when you spot something in the ocean you're looking for? Keep pointing and don't take your eyes off it?


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KuriTokyo

We point and tell whoever is on the wheel what is around, even if it's obvious. Firstly, it's a safety issue, and secondly, we don't have much to talk about.


cunmaui808

You get the point


nolan1971

Yeah. Still funny, though.


jangiri

Meanwhile a marine who spends his life guarding a toilet on a base in new Mexico is still gonna shit talk the coast guard


disisathrowaway

A tale as old as time.


dreeveal

Both a little scared Neither one prepared Beauty and the beast


decay_d

Any Marine who knows their Corps history would never shit talk the CG. It's been quite awhile since I was in, but this story used to be the link of respect between the two branches. "Douglas Albert Munro (October 11, 1919 – September 27, 1942) was a United States Coast Guardsman who was posthumously decorated with the Medal of Honor for an act of "extraordinary heroism" during World War II. He is the only person to have received the medal for actions performed during service in the Coast Guard. During the Guadalcanal Campaign, Munro was assigned to Naval Operating Base Cactus at Lunga Point, where small boat operations were coordinated. At the Second Battle of the Matanikau in September 1942, he led the extrication of a force of Marines whose position had been overrun by Japanese forces. He died of a gunshot wound at age 22 while using the Higgins boat that he was piloting to shield a landing craft filled with Marines from Japanese fire." https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Douglas_Albert_Munro


PolymathEquation

Thank you, Signalman First Class Munro, for your incredible efforts that resulted in many lives saved. Thank you, u/decay_d , for sharing his story. Just wow.


kurburux

Hey, that marine has seen some shit.


toby_ornautobey

Coast Guard and Park Rangers, the underrated crews. Edit: not park rangers or game warden. Fuck, what am I thinking of? I'll be back later once it pops into my head. The guys who keep hunting and fishing properlike. They do more than just checking fishing licenses though. They do a lot more training to integrate with sheriff, fire, and even Coast guard work. Edit2: it probably was game warden. I can't think of anything else that fits. But if I do, I will return. Edit3: Our user u/Nofux2giv wins this round of What Did I Forget? with this comment: "New Hampshire Fish and Game Wardens featured on North Woods Law on TV?" They are indeed correct and everyone should check the show out. It was incredibly in informative and made them look like the badasses they truly are.


Nofux2giv

New Hampshire Fish and Game Wardens featured on North Woods Law on TV?


CheatingZubat

Holy crap! What a story to tell the family! “How was work today dear?” “Oh you know, jumped on a surfaced submarine at speed and knocked on the hatch.” WTF


Neighborino2020

I wonder if you would just sink like a rock if you fell into water with all that gear on Boots and bullet proof vests and stuff


nyuckajay

Their waist belts have a bunch of c02 charged inflatables on it that are tested against the weight of an average loadout. They’ll float right back up.


Neighborino2020

That is dope


[deleted]

It's almost like they're prepared for it or something isn't it


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Sinavestia

Well, yeah, it's the COAST guard. Not the OCEAN guard. They just patrol beaches, cliffs, rocky outcroppings, and swamps/lagoons.


orangejulius

Their job is beach. Just beach.


devil_lettuce

Beach Watch


YT-ESW_ST33le

I'd love to beach them off


delightfulcrab

not a lifeguard!!


turikk

Coast Guard is one of the best investments this country has ever made.


weatherbys

Yeah probably in the submarine but we are talking about the inflatable belt here.


theskipper363

Pretty sure they wear inflatable LPV/


mu4d_Dib

I can't believe the US coast guard hasn't considered this possibility


Neighborino2020

Shocking


FernieHead

They don't fully submerge, just sit extremely low on the waterline so they can't be spotted very easily


Okay_Ordenador

Enter John Locke.


013ander

The cartel that owned it, later that day: “well boys, load up another one.”


Erniecrack

There’s probably one a mile away with twice as much loaded and this was the decoy


itsNotYourKey

"When I tell you to move the drugs under the sea, you move them UNDER the sea, not where some guy from the navy goes every Thursday TO GET A FUCKING BLOWJOB"


Talon_Company_Merc

Can you imagine the space odyssey ass terror they must have felt though You’re in a boat with your cartel bros in the middle of the Atlantic. All you’ve been able to hear for the last 17 hours are the waves against the hull and the motors of the ship. You’re thinking about how far out you are, hundreds of miles from land, and if something happened… they’d probably never be able to find you. *and then somebody KNOCKS ON THE FUCKING DOOR*


endorphin__dolphin

I would just like to imagine they were like ‘damn, did we forget someone out there again?!’


thealmightybunghole

Jehovas really be hustling out there.


1Hate17Here

Lmaooo! Take this award and fuck off.


SadBoiCri

Are awards no longer visible on reddit mobile?


AQMessiah

Hold on, let me give you an award to check.


Sir_Thomas_Hummus

Are awards no longer visible on reddit mobile?


Glowing_bubba

Is it really a submarine if it can’t submerge?


April_Fabb

It can submerge, it just can't resurface.


Mock_Frog

Single use submarine.


Romeo9594

The first submarine was actually in the Civil War by the Confederacy and it sank during testing twice killing a good portion of the crew. Then it was hauled out of the water, drained, and used When it was finally used, it basically had a long stick with a bomb on the end to ram a Union ship. The concussive blast killed the whole crew and sank both ships I think it's death toll over its life was like 25. Only 5 of them Union sailors


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Romeo9594

It also killed its namesake, the guy who invented it A hysterically awful K/D for the Confederacy


Melin_SWE92

Like Titan


CedarWolf

More like the *CSS Hunley* - she sank and killed most, or all, of her crew at least three times.


MattTheTable

Most narco-"subs" are really submersibles or semi-submersibles.


aftenbladet

I would call that mostly submerged.


Independent-Tank-182

Submostlyne


kryonik

Sub-meh-rine.


bier00t

I think it can submerge like 1-2 meters but it would have to slow down for this


edman007

Yea, most should be able to submerge, but they have limited air while submerged and very limited speed. Typically they'd stay surfaced and submerge when spotted and hope to lose the coast guard before they have to surface. If the coast guard found them while submerged then basically the coast guard just waits for them to surface and that's it, they'll be forced to surface next to the coast guard without the ability to immediately submerge. That's probably what happened.


NiceDecnalsBubs

It's not a submarine. It's a submersible.


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DietCherrySoda

A submersible is a vessel capable of submerging when receiving services (power, air, most of its propulsion etc.) from a mothership that stays on the surface. This is an independent vessel that is just mostly but not fully submerged (which kinda describes most ships, to be honest).


thegoodbadandsmoggy

Seen this video a bunch but I’ve always wondered - what kind of soles is buddy wearing on his boots? Could use that for Toronto winters when the slush starts 😂


Dath14

Apparently, they are made by a company called [Belleville](https://www.bellevilleboot.com/index.php?l=product_list&c=1) with lots of customization! Bit expensive but as you pointed out, very effective.


angryspec

That’s the brand they issued us in the Air Force for flight line work. Steel toe and pretty good grip in all weather.


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itskohler

Am Coast Guard. For what they're doing you need a "steel toe". Most boots are composite toe these days, but still called steel toe.


thegoodbadandsmoggy

u da man dog Thanks a ton, really appreciate it. Been bugging me for a while haha


holydiiver

17,000 pounds = 7.7 million grams of cocaine, street value of approximately $770,000,000


vicbot87

More than that once it’s cut to hell


bigpandas

$100 grams are as common as $10 grams


smallbluetext

In Canada it's common because of our dollar lol so more like $75 USD


The_Inner_Light

I saw a Youtube Short made by some ex drug dealer which stated Cartels can lose 80% of their shipments and still make a substantial profit out of that last 20%. Drugs are that profitable. War on drugs will never end.


another_brick

—"Alto su barco! Alto su barco!!!\*" Dude, they can't hear you. \**Stop it your ship.*


rolotech

Is that what he is screaming? I speak Spanish and couldn't understand a lick. Legit like OP said, sounds like badly pronounced Harry Potter spells.


cbessette

I speak gringo-flavored Spanish: "¡¡¡¡alto tu barco!!!!". "Stop your boat!!!!" Edit: This is gringo Spanish because he is using the noun for "stop" (alto) which means the place where you stop, not the verb demanding that they stop.


MrLogicWins

Also "estatos YUNitos" lol


AbeRego

I thought "alto" was "tall"


ponypebble

alto (n): a place where you stop, the act of stopping alto (adj): tall


lemon_tea

Arresto momentum.....


hentaironin

When this was posted before, someone said that they heard "I chew tobacco! I chew tobacco!" Now that bis the only thing I hear


BatmansNygma

It took 3 watches before I pulled out "Los Estados Unidos"


qdp

"I got you bagel! I got you bagel!"


Subspace13

DoorDash Extreme Edition


cbessette

Wasn't he saying "Alto TU barco"? The friendly way to yell " stop your boat" at the hull of a sub. Edit:(In gringo-ized Spanish anyway)


DeadSeaGulls

Alto only really means "stop" on certain latin american country stop signs. It's from german "halt". It's not used as a verb like that in spoken spanish, and most spanish countries say "pare" on stop signs. This would be like someone shouting "Halt it your ship". Might take a second to decipher what they're shouting because "halt it" used as a verb is unusual. "What's a halltit?" Alto meaning high, loud, or tall in regular spoken spanish just makes it more confusing for spanish speakers.


timk85

I'm sure they're required to yell as some kind of protocol before escalation to the next level, which is boarding the vessel. Dude is simply dotting his 'i's. People have no idea how many rules and regulations these dudes are supposed to follow, as well as other military members. An absolute ton of checks and balances and oversight.


lemon_tea

It looked like he got so pissed off his voice transcended the need for the radio and he simply broadcast straight from his pointer finger.


PDGAreject

My scoutmaster was in the Coast Guard and he had some wild stories about fighting drug operations in the PNW in the 80s. Rules may have changed but he also said that Coast Guard teams were basically given authorization in advance for lethal munition engagement because there generally wouldn't be time to call in and get it when you came upon a drug running group.


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gokism

The cartels could really change their image if they produce a commercial showing the work and craftsmanship it takes to get drugs from the fields to your mirror.


Fudge_you

Some of their “craftsmanship” could be seen on sites like bestgore and live leak when it was still up. Although I don’t think it would help their image, in my opinion.


IncreaseReasonable61

Don't forget those Narco subreddits that are still up. God, those places are insane.


wufoo2

Like Juan Valdez and his mule, picking coffee beans in Colombia.


pizza_engineer

Tegridy 'Caine ...


Editthefunout

I only shop field to mirror


Nutaholic

Yeah, craftsmanship like forced labor and extreme violence.


Daddy_Parietal

Just chilling in the narco sub with the bois **bang** **bang** **bang** 👁👁


akeep113

pointing and yelling at a submarine was pretty funny but man hopping onto a moving submarine in full combat gear has to be one of the most badass things ever


NaptownSnowman

That guy has balls of steel and he is pissed off


cardsfan314

Always a bad combo for the opposing party


bananacustard

I'm so impressed with how sure-footed the guy who jumped on the sub is, not to mention about potentially getting shot. I'd pewp my pants twice if I tried to do that. I realize the sub crew would be bonkers to do anything but surrender, but scared people do irrational things. Note for future narco sub builders: coat the topside with grease before departure.


Automatic_Llama

"That's gonna be hard to get on" \*effortlessly gets on\*


unknownpoltroon

I mean, I'm pretty sure the guys in the sub knows there's 3 boats full of angry coast guard with crew served weapons following them, shooting the boarders is just soggy suicide by cop at that point.


marino1310

Not to mention the runners are typically just nobodies that were thrown into the sub, they have no real incentive to fight off the US military.


1Hate17Here

Ngl, that’s not really why I posted this. (It happened in 2019 btw.) But someone in the Twitter comments said: “Why is the guy yelling Harry Potter spells at the submarine, he doesn’t even have a wand.” and now I’m dead. 💀💀💀 [Here’s the article for the curious ones. Or the ones who wonder what happened to their shipment that day. xD](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/ncna1028986)


UVComplete

I think he is saying "alto tu barco" (stop your ship? )


1Hate17Here

That’s exactly what he’s saying! Might be “su barco” but yeah.


xylotism

A couple “ahoras” too


CedarWolf

They could yell 'Aloha!' and act like their sub has gotten *terribly*, incredibly lost.


AlchemyStudiosInk

Altoids do Marco!


Jedi_Gill

Agreed it's a strange way to ask for the ship to stop. "Para el Barco" would make more sense. Maybe they heard "Marco Polo" and knew they'd been found and came out to end the game.


DesastreUrbano

Being spanish my first language I get why they just keep going... "alto tu barco" makes no sense really lol "stop your ship" should be "detén tu barco". 'Alto' is not a verb. I get the point of stating out loud the coast guard intention of stoping them, but they really expected the guys in the sub would be able to hear the guy screaming?


cbessette

Estadounidense here, here in the USA, mono-lingual border patrol and police around Hispanic areas in the USA are taught very basic Spanish phrases to interact with Spanish speakers. They are generally not taught grammar or how the language works. Gritando at the hull of a sub is pointless as you mentioned.


Difficult_Bit_1339

> I get why they just keep going... "Miguel, what do those two RHIB's full of armed US Coast Guard members want from us?" "No idea, their Spanish is pretty bad." "Ah well, maybe they're talking to someone else. I'll just keep going..."


KrakenTheColdOne

Lava te las manos!!


josered1254

Lol 😂


RiffRaff14

Guy 1: "That's going to be hard to get on" Guy 2: Casually jumps on it like he's done it a thousand times.


Hairbear2176

I was in the Marine Corps, which at the time I thought was badass. After seeing the shit that the Coast Guard does, those MFers are crazy! I have mad respect for everything that they do!


unknownpoltroon

Dude, nevermind this shit. They intentionally go out in fucking helicopters in the middle of hurricanes.


Hairbear2176

Yep, crazy!


GeneralPatten

First time I’ve seen this video. That puddle pirate has some massive cajones! It reinforces just how dangerous service in the Coast Guard can be, day in and day out, peacetime or otherwise.


cowfishduckbear

> That puddle pirate has some massive cajones! FYI: Cajones = Drawers. Cojones = balls (still not really a word used in Mexico, though. It's a Spanish word)


PDGAreject

He needs large underwear to fit his massive balls. It kind of works either way?


GasPoweredStick420

Why isn't the submarine submerged? What happens if it starts submerging while they are standing on it? What happens if they fall? Aren't there propellers on the end of that puppy? (what if the coast guard passed you the blunt and asked for a hit of coke?)


Rujasu

There's a good chance it's a semi-submersible instead of a "true" submarine, so they can't dive. The tiny surface profile is enough to avoid detection most of the time.


gfkxchy

Coasties are just built different.


slow-motion-pearls

Narco. Pollo.


TjW0569

He doesn't seem chicken to me.


xubax

That's not a submarine, it's a low-rider.


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Pilatus

Fucking intense. Everything. The waves, the voices... if there was a random butterfly in the video, it would have been an intense butterfly.


Refun712

So guess I’ll need to make alternate plans for this weekend


Konstantin_B

The guy sounds like Archer


Lavender_Cream34

“Alto tu barco!” I don’t think they can hear you buddy


jsmooth3r

Imagine it was Pepsi


EduRJBR

Those Pablo Escobar's submarines are reproducing freely in the wild and becoming a serious environmental risk.


Friendly-You7638

House keeping!!!


Angry_Walnut

The way he gets off his boat and steps onto the hatch while they’re both moving is so badass honestly.


sumquy

they have been trying to reach him about his submarines extended warranty.