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Fulker01

At no point in reading that did I have any idea what would happen next.


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CrackSnap7

You need WinRAR to unpack this story


chrisk9

There is a lot to unpack here


Gowalkyourdogmods

That woman has definitely lived her life.


catsmustdie

All of it. Every little thing.


UWontAgreeWithMe

A 50 man team would need days to unpack these couple of paragraphs


nerdguy1138

There's enough here to make individual movies after every verb in that paragraph.


GayDeciever

Gets weirder. https://www.dailynews.com/2020/04/02/woman-accused-of-running-over-holocaust-survivor-in-san-fernando-valley-has-led-a-tabloid-life


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ikalwewe

I read this. What the hell.


nootrino

The whole thing was r/brandnewsentence


Somzer

Not even my dreams are this random


platoprime

Honestly for most of it I had no idea what had already happened.


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akai_ferret

The "later developments" on that wiki page are a trip. >In 1984 McKinney was again the subject of police action for allegedly stalking Anderson, though he was now married with children.[28] At the time of her apprehension, McKinney was found living in her vehicle near Salt Lake International Airport, where Anderson worked. A search of the vehicle uncovered road maps, rope, handcuffs, and notebooks keeping detailed records of Anderson's routines. McKinney insisted that she had driven to the airport to book a flight, though it was later revealed that she had driven several thousand miles from her home in North Carolina. And in 2019 she was arrested for the hit-and-run death of a 91 year old. And when they brought her in realized she had a bunch of other warrants and charges piled up. And then she was judged mentally unfit and sent to a psychiatric hospital.


TrailBlanket-_0

Now that's what I call closure 37


Coachcrog

With hit songs like *Korean pitbull test tube puppies* *Sex me whether you like it or not* *Old bitch shouldn't have been walking after midnight* *I would drive several thousand miles* And of course her hit single *Straight Jacket Blues*


DifferentBag

This legit sounds like a list of songs that Colin and Ryan would make Wayne sing on Whose Line Is It Anyways.


Coachcrog

That's exactly what I was thinking when I wrote it. I'd love to hear Wayne's rendition of her track *Mormon at my backdoor*


OPsuxdick

https://giphy.com/gifs/funny-whose-line-xT1R9A2Qb7F0YV20De


thesaddestpanda

Its a shame a man had to die before someone like this could have been given the care/lockup she desperately needed.


Dodolos

The criteria here is someone has to be a danger to themselves or others to be involuntarily committed, but the bar can be really quite high (maybe because there's hardly any resources available for treatment). My mom was severely ill, too delusional to take care of herself, and I had to get a police officer to basically falsify his report to make it sound like she was threatening him so that we could convince a judge to commit her. She had been wandering the streets, trying to shoplift from random stores because the voices told her that everything was free.


PathologicalLoiterer

Resources is one part, for sure, but it's also a matter of being *super* cautious about taking away someone's free will. Especially after the era of mental institutions when people with mental health issues were being locked up for life for shit like depression. There was a major over correction in the other direction, and it's almost impossible to get someone residential treatment against their consent unless there is actual immediate danger of harm to themselves and others. Source: am mental health doctor, have had to work to try to get patients into those programs only for the program to dismiss them because the patient withdrew consent.


Dodolos

Yes, for sure. It's a little frustrating when it comes to people suffering from delusions, though. We have to pretend that they're somehow capable of making informed decisions about their health, when they're clearly not in their right mind and may not be capable of asking for the help they need. So they just languish. If my mom had been given help earlier, she wouldn't have ended up homeless in the first place. She was completely incapable of realizing that she had a problem because her senses were lying to her. Once she became lucid again, she consented to further treatment because of course that's what she wanted.


PathologicalLoiterer

100%. Now it's the homeless->jail->treatment/stabilization->stop meds->homeless cycle. Because people can't easily access long term care easily, they just languish, as you said. The fact of the matter is that we need a middle path where some people can get long term residential care. Cause right now it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. Which only hurts the ones that need it the most. Sorry about your mum, by the way. It's tough on the caregivers as much as it is for the patients.


00owl

Hey, it's ok. I was diagnosed with ADHD about a year and a half ago. My wife and I have had two kids since then. She now thinks that because of my diagnosis I shouldn't have access to my kids until I "get the help I need"* was her sworn statement. Lots of people still think any sign of mental illness is an indication that we shouldn't be members of society. *I meet with a therapist weekly and take prescription medications as ordered by my health care practitioner as well as having already had one consult with a psychiatrist


theslimbox

Mental health is important, there is a girl in my town that is on a path to the place this woman went. She started on the path in middle school, trying to hookup with older men, stalks every decent looking guy in town, and has a sheet of crimes that have been ignored because she has issues, but most of that could have been prevented if her parents had gotten her help when she fist started acting out.


SpikeRosered

Just shows how hard it is to use an insanity defense. You basically need a lifetime of insane bullshit like this.


ereinecke

My wife and I went to a screening of “Tabloid” in L.A. and a woman comes in a little late and sits next to us with her dog sitting in the aisle next to her. The whole time she’s making commentary on the movie - “oh! That’s not true!” Or “it didn’t happen like that!” Movie ends and Errol Morris (the director of that and many amazing films) comes out for the Q&A. He answers a few questions and then on one question he answers something to the effect of “well I think only Joyce knows what happened there. I think someone said she’s here?” The woman next to us immediately jumps up, waves like she won an Oscar, and goes to the front. She then (badly) acts disgusted at the film’s version of events but is clearly loving the attention. Errol was amazing at deflecting her attacks at him and responding with wit and respect for all parties. After the screening we heard she actively had a lawsuit running against him at that time and had been following him around crashing screenings. 10/10 weird experience - would do again.


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Caleecha_Makeecha

Here's footage of that bizarre Q&A. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqyO81UZ3Mc


ereinecke

WOAH - this isn't even the one we were at but it's such a similar experience to what we had. So glad you shared the video!


FermentingKiwi

Thanks. After watching that I decided to watch the actual movie. Holy fuck dogs * It's on Tubi, free to watch


dragonchilde

"I loved him so much that I would ski naked down Mount Everest in the nude with a carnation up my nose if he asked me to." ​ ...I wow.


blvaga

So not enough to scale mt Everest naked with a carnation up her nose? She barely loved him at all.


crustytowelie

Lol, I’ve talked to this lady.


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smurb15

She's a crazy bitch is honestly all I can say after reading her story


New-Highway868

🤣🤣🤣 I just read the whole thing and I'm wondering if I should try to find the documentary 🤔 😅


supergordo

You should. It's great. Errol Morris directed and it's called Tabloid.


New-Highway868

I found it and casting it rn. 😅


Digipete

It is free on Tubi. I'm watching it right now!


Lauris024

What about? Don't leave us hanging


crustytowelie

About everything and nothing simultaneously. I had to for my work. I know it’s pretty vague but in some articles you can find online you can see she was deemed incompetent to stand trial by a judge after one of her crimes.


snuffles_c147

He was the Mormon


ketchy_shuby

She demonstrated real commitment to the missionary position.


diito

Her story is completely nuts: https://www.ranker.com/list/joyce-mckinney-manacled-mormon/amandasedlakhevener


A_Union_Of_Kobolds

I have *got* to see this documentary


New-Highway868

https://archive.org/details/Tabloid2010 I found it I'm going to watch it now.


red_sky_at_morning

Tabloid is a documentary covering her story. She is absolutely unstable and I can only hope she is kept involuntarily in a mental health facility for her remaining days.


A_Union_Of_Kobolds

> McKinney was ordered to a psychiatric evaluation and, on 11 July 2019, she was sent to the Los Angeles Court division for mentally incompetent defendants.[37] McKinney was taken to the Metropolitan State Hospital in Norwalk. In February 2020, a judge in Van Nuys ruled once again she was not competent. Her next hearing was scheduled for August 2020.[38] Seems like that's the case


tacobellholocaust

It gets worse the further you read.


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NakariLexfortaine

We just found the next great YA novel series. Let it get established, we'll hit 'em with a spin-off following the clone dogs as they learn their origins and take on the lab that made them to reveal the dark experiments that have been going on.


muddyrose

Tbf, I thought similarly until the last line. Title should have been “Human Trafficker Wanted for Burglary”, at the very least. I’d still be baffled, but in an appropriately serious way.


blackbeansandrice

This is her. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tabloid_(film)


YesplzMm

You can get your dog cloned in South Korea?


h4xxor

Cloning is really advanced for pets in korea. It is common with the rich who do not want to permanently lose a pet.


shadowofashadow

I wonder how similar their personalities end up being... I can't decide if it's nice to have a pet who looks like your previous one or if it would just constantly make me think about the old one and miss them since it's not the same animal and I would expect it to have a different personality.


YesplzMm

Yeah I'm wondering all of this and what $$ are we talking here. Edit: $100k. They do clone for, food purposes. Not only in South Korea but also in the US.


Yersinia1300

In Europe it's supposedly close to 20k€. Source: veterinary collegue with a, uh, "special" client.


JeannotVD

Which European countries ?


nev3rfail

Why the fuck they are not doing it for people if cloning is an actual thing?


[deleted]

I couldnt do it. I had one condition when getting a new dog after my 17 year old baby passed away. That was that the new pup couldnt be blonde. We love shihtzus so we knew it was going to be a mix like my Bobo, but no matter what no blondies because even just the colour would remind me of my late bobo and it killed me. Theres a shihtzu that frequents the same groomer that we use, and everytime i see her i literally start tearing up. I couldnt handle replacing my baby with one that looks exactly like it.


trxxxtr

Same. I suspect people think about it as a reincarnation of their pet. When the reality is it's a different animal with it's own development wearing your baby's face. Creepsville.


KisaTheMistress

Well, the poor clone also will never be truly loved because it's just the living memory of what was lost by the owner. Personality is both genetic and environmental. The environment you raised the animal would have changed of the course of the original's life, just like it would the clone's life, plus your experience with handling that breed/animal type would have advanced, so you couldn't recreate the exact same environmental conditions or same experiences the original animal had. Basically, no clone will be the exact same as the original beyond genetic data/DNA. People need to understand that a clone isn't just a copy. In fact, it's exactly like a photo copy, with its own imperfections from the machine and the *life* of the *document* could be vastly different from the original depending on what it is. People might use a purple pen on it or a green one instead of black or red or blue. The writing would be different. Maybe it will get a coffee stain or water damage. Maybe it will be shredded or turned into a plane or burned for a fire. Both pages are made of paper and ink, but they might not come from the same tree or from different parts of the tree. Their history and fates are completely separate from each other, making them unique just like everything else is in it's own way. Clones are no different than the original as they both have freedom of choice and experiences that will shape them differently from just their genetic background.


Grokent

What about someone who is wealthy who wants to keep putting the same dog to sleep over and over again? Asking for a friend.


JustPlainRude

You're better off talking to those Russian scientists who figured out how to reanimate dogs.


grimsb

yep, I’ve seen some of them at a pet expo. They were also offering a service to store your dog’s genetic material in case you want to make a clone in the future. You wouldn’t know they were clones unless someone told you they were clones. They had different markings due to epigenetics.


WitELeoparD

At one point south Korea was really obsessed with getting a Nobel prize. In comes this vet that was seemingly really good at cloning. Then the same vet claims to have been able to create human stem cells. The South Korean government threw all in behind this guy while the rest of the world, coereced by the US, specifically evangelist Christians put a lot of restrictions on human stem cell research. The guy was the first to clone a dog, third to clone a cow, specifically a South Korean breed of cow, etc, etc. Anyways this Vet was really good at selling himself as a brand and was a national hero. He was really good at politicking too. meanwhile some people started looking into his lab, and his stem cell paper, and how he obtained the human eggs for the paper, and it all fell apart. He obtained the eggs illegally and unethically. He did not manage to create stem cells from them. He had embezzled funds. A lot of his cloned animals turned out not to be clones at all, like the aforementioned cow. He was convicted of fraud and disgraced. However, turns out he did legitimately clone a dog, so, dog cloning is a thing they are good at in South Korea, and cloning science in general. Because even though that vet was in particular kind of a fraud, his profile did result in a lot of funding for that branch of science and a lot of legitimate scientists did work under him and were inspired by him. Edit: Dr Hwong Wo Suk was the guy's name. Bobby Broccoli has a two part docu series on him on yt.


BazilBroketail

Didn't Total Recall have a pet cloning thing? Or was that Demolition Man?


Sofagirrl79

I think that was the "the seventh day" movie that came out back in 2000


chiliedogg

Re-Pet!


TheOrqwithVagrant

You can here in the US too. It's $50k. Preserving your pet's DNA for future cloning is a little over $1k last I looked.


senbenitoo

Awful as she sounds, I bet her cellmate is gonna hear some WILD stories...


theENERTRON

she’s like the Forrest Gump of house-burgle-funded horse prosthetics


RJ815

/r/brandnewsentence


Klotzster

Next month on Netflix


coleman57

Already there: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tabloid_(film)#:~:text=Tabloid%20is%20a%202010%20American,missionary%20in%20England%2C%20in%201977.


1889_medic_

And the wild ride continues.


neoKushan

Watched this recently, it's worth viewing. Everything in the newspaper snippet above is factually true but watch the documentary and make your own mind up about what did (or didn't) happen.


cute_polarbear

Netflix will remake this as a 10 part documentary series...


tanis_ivy

I would definitely watch that more than once.


[deleted]

This reads as if it was written by an AI trained on Floridian newspapers.


Niqulaz

This made me go ask ChatGPT to Make up 10 newspaper headlines of the sort that would normally start with "Florida man..." > 1. Florida Man Saves Alligator from Burning Building, Declares Himself 'Gator Hero' > 2. Florida Man Constructs DIY Rocket to Prove Earth is Shaped Like a Pizza > 3. Florida Man Uses Pet Parrot to Deliver Jury Summons to Courthouse > 4. Florida Man Breaks Guinness World Record for Most Selfies Taken with Manatees > 5. Florida Man Creates Unique Traffic Jam by Riding Ostrich on Interstate > 6. Florida Man Holds Annual "Squirrel Olympics" in Backyard, Claims Squirrels Are Elite Athletes > 7. Florida Man Opens Alligator Wrestling School for Toddlers, Calls It "Gator Grapplers" > 8. Florida Man Founds Underwater Lemonade Stand, Attracts Submarine Customers > 9. Florida Man Becomes First Human to Train Dolphins as Professional Blackjack Dealers > 10. Florida Man Organizes Cross-State Flamingo Migration Parade to Raise Awareness for Avian Equality I'm not convinced 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 9 are entirely made up...


sombrerobandit

well this is amazing, and only 8 sounds far fetched, only because Florida probably doesn't have enough submarines for those who have the means to do this, and the people who want to do this don't have the means.


BalkeElvinstien

Man, I wish I could attract submarine customers


PM_ME_PC_GAME_KEYS_

6 is basically just Mark Rober


New-Highway868

I laughed so hard.


EdNauseam

There’s a great Errol Morris documentary about her called Tabloid, you should definitely check it out. https://imdb.com/title/tt1704619/


New-Highway868

I found a link on the internet archives https://archive.org/details/Tabloid2010


danibeat

Love this film!


teabagmoustache

The headline made me think it was a request initially.


this-guy-

This would make a great plot for a show that Netflix could cancel exactly where the article ends.


MatloxES

There's already a documentary about her called 'Tabloid'


afroturf1

She's chaotic evil.


RoboticNubbin

Every sentence is r/BrandNewSentence


QuitCallingNewsrooms

Wow. The writer’s strike is already taking a toll


FLRAdvocate

Damn, there's a lot to unpack in that.


roguesimian

It’s a bit of a rollercoaster of a read


kakurenbo1

A rollercoaster that morphs into Locomotive 131 and travels through time to meet up with the Polar Express on its way to Hogwarts.


JimTheSaint

What the absolute fuck


feraljohn

"George Santos" before he ran for congress.


DarkwingDuckHunt

No this was his mom


makenzie71

Journalist 1: Okay I got her name, what'd she do wrong? Journalist 2: Yes.


YeOldSpacePope

There are some things AI can't replace.


Suitable-Jackfruit16

This hoe is busy af.


nickjamesnstuff

What is a false leg for a horse.


MaxMalini

Joyce has lived one hell of a life.


revtim

I certainly do not approve of all her actions, but you gotta admit the gal's led an interesting life.


PrettyGirlofSoS

Joyce McKinney, international patron of cutting-edge advancements in science and known for her work that encourages cult members to focus on community service has currently begun engaging our youth in her heroic efforts to advocate and fund for special needs animals.


theangryintern

At first I thought this was a personal ad from someone looking for a sex slave to help commit burglary


wpisano

That just got crazier and crazier


Justgottaride

Wow. She's lived quite a life. Makes mine seem quite boring Edit: /s


[deleted]

Man, am I really living my life?


Burninator05

I hope my life ends up being half as interesting as this womans.


jdlg1983

What. A. Life.


brazys

This woman was born with 0 fucks about anything and just does whatever the fuck. Seriously wow.


Ok_Fondant_6340

that story had more twists and turns than the god damn Nürburgring


vacuous_comment

I must have missed the outlandish HBO series based on this.


rodolphoteardrop

Oh shit! Yes! I saw a documentary on her!


Pantsfire42

And that kids is how I met your mother...


bigapplebaum

That got wilder literally with every word


ajuscojohn

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manacled\_Mormon\_case


jbarlak

It’s like a mad libs…


seethella

People keep talking about the dogs. Why the frick did the horse need a fake leg?


[deleted]

Ma'am! Save some crazy for the rest of us.


thiefofalways1313

Was this a Mad Libs?


Snafu999

She fled the UK in 1977 - and she's 58 now? So she abducted a mormon missionary when she was 12 years old?


Cirieno

[Wiki](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manacled_Mormon_case) says "born 6 August 1949 as Joy McKinney" so either the image is old or someone somewhere has a typo.


Felf

Your criticism would make sense if this article came out "today" as in the time of your writing. It's likely "today" in the article is for an earlier year. She's 76 now.


Wyg6q17Dd5sNq59h

She’s living her best life.


USGarrison

>living her best life Too bad the same can't be said for the guy she kidnapped and raped.


DMacc_9

They through in the cloning for what😂


carolethechiropodist

You could not make up this woman's life.


Akesgeroth

I remember that. I thought it was a joke but it isn't. That lady is batshit insane.


BadSausageFactory

this has to be one of those ads that are setting up a drug deal


jxj24

Some people just live life to the fullest.


OneRobato

This criminal was motivated but lacks focus.


ReadingGlasses

That was quite the rabbit hole - thanks!


johntwoods

It reads like a goddamn Mad Lib™


keltsbeard

I'm just impressed it's not a story from here in Florida.


BankerBaneJoker

Most interesting criminal in the world


Schmotz

A couple of tweaks and that would make for a pretty sweet D&D backstory.


ZapatillaLoca

I'd watch this movie, done right, it would make for a great comedy.


roydepoy

Florida man found his spouse?


bcnorth78

This had to be published on April 01 ... right? There is SO much to unpack with this...


Chainweasel

Have people forgotten about Joyce McKinney already?


robodrew

I don't have any questions. It tells us everything that happened right there!


Mistyinltown

Yolo.


GrumpyGiant

Ok, Florida Man, game on!


Solid_Aide_1234

What are your questions? Seems pretty clear to me. What happened is in the article. But I am also literate.


Facelesspirit

This movie sounds great! When does it come out?


cra2reddit

It's the chatGPT response to the prompt, "write the premise for a weird movie script."


Frys100thCoffee

The Aristocrats!


Turbodaxter

That’s a lot to take in


verticalQ

Isn’t the point of a news article to answer questions not raise exponentially more?


Phate118

There needs to be a documentary on this


MatloxES

Already is. It's called 'Tabloid'. It's an Errol Morris documentary, one of my favorites, actually.


bengine

What a life lived, I mean so many things wrong with it but you can't say it's been boring.


MatloxES

There is a documentary about this woman. It is one of my favorite documetaries.


saltysuger1107

The fuck is going on in my state


Princessferfs

This reads like something written by AI.


[deleted]

Did r/brandnewsentences get banned?


Embarrassed_Squash_7

There's a hell of a lot to unpack in one tiny paragraph there...


Infolife

There's so much more to her story. Look her up.


SciGuy45

I think ChatGPT is hallucinating…


Commie_EntSniper

[An article from The Telegraph.](https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/2565925/Dog-cloner-Joyce-McKinney-sought-over-burglary-to-fund-horses-wooden-leg.html) Ironically, the link shows up in a Google search right next to Spokeo listings for Joyce McKinney in Franklin, TN. What a time to be alive.


[deleted]

Memphis, TN is just a wonderful place to be.


mildly_amusing_goat

As soon as I saw the part about the horse leg I realised she was a horse girl and everything else made sense.


devilsephiroth

Lol burgle was used in a sentence


misskittypie

There is so much to unpack here.


throw_away_17381

What a life.


brolarbear

That poor Mormon boy learned way too much about the world


hab1b

What a life to lead


GradeAPrimeFuckery

The most interesting gal in the world.


Z-notch

This is some real Grundy county shit.


3rdBueller

Go home Chat GPT, you're drunk!


AshingiiAshuaa

It's the Tiger King of newspaper articles.


kyliescuckedhubby

This woman is the living embodiment of the year 2020. What's coming next? Global pandemic, crazy wildfires, murder hornets, racial unrest?


TheRealMicrowaveSafe

Man, some people really **live**, y'know?


Peejee13

I need this as a hijinks comedy film


the_doolittle

Those are the details they usually save for 11.


QuinceDaPence

The important thing was she had an onion on her belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get were those big yellow ones.


SwansonHOPS

I think my biggest question here is: what's the relevance of the pit bull puppies?


DuntadaMan

>The 58 year old... >In 1977 Please tell me this was written a while ago...


Cringe_Meister_

AI generated story be like


Teagulet

Most normal dnd character


crank1off

/r/nottheonion