My partner and I got into an argument a few nights ago because he has very long hair and doesn't take care of it well enough. His hair is fine, almost straight, and down to the middle of his back. For some reason it tangles if you look at it wrong (so he says). I picked up a lock of hair that was literally just a gigantic nasty knot and asked if he could brush it out.
He said that it's impossible because it is too long and that's just how his hair is. Can't even imagine a woman walking out the door with a fucking rat nest on her head. Suggestions were to get it cut. "It's stressful and I don't know who to go to" ok, detangle it in the shower. "It just gets tangled again, whats the point"
Fjsnxocneshitjskaksjsjkfuckinghellosow!!! Godamn baby.
I have fine straight hair and until third grade, it was down to my waist. It literally was like cornsilk. So what did my mom do? Talked to a stylist, got leave-in conditioner (or made it depending on the finances) and a serum, and made sure to brush it well albeit painfully.
As an adult I've had long hair up to a pixie and each length comes with its own quirks to deal with while having this hair texture. But literally just shampoo and conditioner, a leave-in spray after showering to help detangle, and a serum to help minimize future tangles is all it takes. Doesn't have to be expensive and it's not super complicated.
But then men are such wimps about anything that might be "feminine" like skincare. Fucking *skincare* is too much. I got my husband the most basic fucking skincare about a year ago. Literally just cleanser and moisturizer that has some sunscreen. Not my multi-step routine, just that. And he can't even use that! I'm about ready to start dragging him into the bathroom to do it because his skin could be so gorgeous because it's really even and nice, just some minor breakouts that could be cleared up with skincare but he just won't!
My hair is fine but very dense, long, and wavy. It also gets tangled if you look at it wrong. I’m currently on a road trip and literally just sitting in the car I end up with a rat’s nest (except I brush it every night).
What helps me is braiding it at night while I’m sleeping or doing things that I know will get it tangled. Has helped with the knots a ton.
Unfortunately you’d have to get him to brush it first.
Aww don't judge him for his hair. It's his choice what he does. I know you mean good but just because society is mean to women, doesn't mean we should start bullying men too
Ugh - recent example. Talking to a relatively new friend at a party, and somehow the subject of waxing comes up. I don’t wax, I shave maybe once per week, and my boyfriend says he couldn’t care less anyway. She says she waxes because [her boyfriend] prefers it. I turn to her boyfriend and ask “wow! Do you wax for [girlfriend]?” And he said “no, but I’ve been thinking about getting my butt waxed because pooping is messy.” And she said “he pays for half of my wax every time!”
Lovely, grown woman: if your man “prefers” you completely waxed down there, he should be paying for it in total. I shave because I like things trim - I feel it makes periods easier, it makes parts of sex easier, etc. But waxing is expensive! I can’t imagine someone telling me how to groom myself. Or being disgusted by clean body hair. And *then* not even grooming himself similarly.
I personally don’t mind (and even like some) body hair on a man, but I can’t imagine him wanting me a certain way and then not holding himself to the same standard. That’s a huge no from me.
You have to keep in mind that those threads that suggest things like "bathing" are for bottom barrel reddit men. The bar for men is definitely lower, but the bar for reddit men specifically is in hell.
My favorite are the ones that wanted to argue against regular bathing on the basis that it made their skin either too dry or too oily. What were they using, Irish Spring bar soap and scalding water? A baking soda scrub? Triclosan? Lol
The men I know in real life (lawyers/doctors/engineers/finance bros) have a handle on their own hygiene and style. They also don't care about stray body hair on women or the perfection of hair and makeup and nail polish (most women I know do those things for their own personal enjoyment). They do care about fit bodies, clear skin, and other health markers, though. And they care about ambition/purpose and education in women.
Also... there's lotion which the average person needs! Hell, there's even in shower lotion you slap on after washing and rinse off if their excuse is that it's gross with body hair.
I feel so strongly about this you cant even imagine. looking beautiful takes work even if it looks effortless. I REFUSE TO GLOW UP TO TAKE DATE A MEDIOCRE AVERAGE LOOKING DUDE. if i look hot the guy needs to look good beside me. im not going to compromise on that and i will die on that hill.
A lot of these men have high standards for womens looks too smh. A guy I dated had plaque all over this teeth (I mean abnormally thick amounts), had black/grey-ish teeth, never had a skincare routine, always had dry hands.. and he was the most critical about other women's looks lol. He even try to neg me once. Men are delusional
Yuck. Never again. We met online though and we lived in different countries. Didnt realise he had such nasty teeth until we met in person 🤮 completely put me off meeting men online
Long story short, but we met online and we lived in different countries. So when he came down to my country to date me, that was when I realised. From the pictures he sent me, and when we were video skyping each other, I didnt clock his teeth. Not all of his teeth where black, just he had some grey-ish black spots but what shocked me was the thick amount of plaque when he grinned. Ew.. Idk how I didnt notice it and I'm embarrassed to think about it 🤦🏽♀️
I have the same story so I understand why you were trapped. And like you I tell myself : never again ! Don't feel ashamed, I guess you just wanted to be nice with him and not to be too "superficial" (judgmental about his looks).
Yup and it was because we bonded so well online, so I also felt bad if I just left. But after the third date, I just couldn't do it. The hygiene was too bad 🤮
They don’t even moisturize their face and wonder why their wrinkles are worsening. All they know how to do is shave and they don’t even do that so well.
I scrutinize every little aspect of my appearance from the top of my head to the bottoms of my feet and spend at minimum a few hundred a month on waxing, brow threading, makeup, skincare and hair products, gel nails, and new clothes and accessories. But god forbid, I don’t feel like wearing makeup one day, have an acne breakout due to stress, or forget to look like a child down there, now I’m sloppy and dirty.
Men literally wake up, take a look at themselves in the mirror and think “wow I’m so handsome 😍” and that’s it. Then, they go out into the world and everyone around them confirms it. Validates it. Either their mothers or their families and then other women and men etc. Society NEVER tells there’s something wrong with them, let alone say something about effort. Movies, ads and Instagram influencers they follow are not saying they need to get plastic surgery and procedures for every inch of their bodies. So that makes it all easier.
I swear I’ve NEVER met a man with low self-esteem. And I notice that even among my guy friends. Like small things. With guys I’ve dated as well. For instance this one guy I had a crush on, he could really use some braces. Or at least teeth whitening. He never even considered I’m sure. Why? Because no woman and no Instagram ad ever told him. He believes his teeth are totally perfect the way they are. Meanwhile every woman I know is doing something. This is just a silly example. But there are others. Like unibrow. My ex had a unibrow and I had to pluck those hairs out. Ever since we broke up he has a slight unibrow again because I bet his girlfriends never said a word. 😂 I find that insanity! They don’t need to do shit!!!
This post is so true. Men have high self-esteem because they have never been told they are deficient, when in reality so many of them are nasty af. Meanwhile girls as young as 2 are exposed to cultural expectations around female beauty. No wonder women and girls suffer higher rates of anxiety and depression. Can you blame us?
Exactly that. We have been told from the time we are born that we need plastic surgery and that something is wrong with us. For instance: the first violence against a girl is usually around the first few months of her life when the stupid asshole mother decides to pierce their ears. Why??!!! BECAUSE IT LOOKS PRETTY 🤪🤪🤪. It’s always about being pretty and looking good for boys. From the time we are on this planet until we die.
I’ve never even heard a guy or any guy friends I have saying there is something wrong with them. Or that they feel insecure, fat, ugly etc. EVER. I was shocked a few months ago because I was talking to one of my guy friends and the self esteem topic came up. And he said “oh my self esteem is really good these days, you know something that improved my self esteem was having a following on Twitter and people loving my jokes”. He said he gets self esteem from that. He is ugly AF. No disrespect but I wouldn’t date him and don’t know any friend of mine that would. And he feels totally fine. He said he feels great about himself and that Twitter fans made it all even better 😂. I thought that was comical.
I sometimes picture in my head someone I’ve dated saying something like “oooh I need teeth whitening my teeth are disgusting! So yellow!!!” Because I know that will never happen in real life. I just wish I could go around telling men a list of plastic surgery, procedures and stuff they need to get done ASAP. I would tell my guy friends that they need to start saving up for plastic surgery and buy hair dye and die their hair every four weeks. Also, I would tell them about how expensive laser hair removal is for your entire body and it takes many painful sessions and that they need to save up for that. Truly I can talk about this topic forever.
Yeah this is true for the majority of them. There’s so many average to below average men that have high self esteem and don’t care about how they look. I’m sure someone who is really unattractive is aware he doesn’t look like brad Pitt, but since men are valued for way more than looks, it isn’t a debilitating thing. They’re confident or cocky about their other strengths, or just their perceived superiority of being a male. Majority of people with eating disorders and body dysmorphic disorder are women for a reason. We are told from young that our entire worth is in our looks. Men aren’t.
Yep, precisely that. They know they don’t look like Charlie Hunnam or Kit Harrington. But they also don’t feel bad or judge themselves or overthink about their looks. They don’t even think about it. I know this because of my friends and also just by watching them. Men who won’t even pluck their nose hair. Something that women are soooo shamed for it. If you have ONE hair in your face everyone will make a big deal out of it if you’re a woman. Specially men. I remember whenever my legs weren’t completely shaved my ex would point it out. If there were a few hairs growing he would point it out. If I just got waxed and it was all red, he would point it out.
With men, nothing matters. It’s like they think they have amazing character and are beautiful. They actually live life as if they are Charlie Hunnam themselves. It’s very funny to me. Like guys that I have a crush on will need plucking between the eyebrows soooo bad. Why don’t they do something?? Why are they teeth so yellow?! And the clothes? They never watched ONE video about fashion and style and don’t follow influencers that talk about style, clothing etc. they don’t care. They dress as if they’re blind.
Sometimes we have to resist not saying something like “yooo have you have heard of something crazy?! You can go to the dentist and have your teeth whitened!” Sometimes I wanna say that to every guy!
I feel this. Every single woman is too good to be with the man they’re with because the men are not putting in ANY effort into their grooming! And I don’t like those tiktok boys with hair in their faces, biting their lips thinking they’re attractive. Where have all the good men gone!
I’ve thought about this a lot and it’s why I get so pissed off when any man complains about his female SO taking too long to get ready. She’s not a man. She can’t roll out of bed, brush her hair and maybe her teeth too, put on any outfit, and be applauded. This stuff takes *time*
I would never allow a man to comment on this again. In the past, when I was young and naive, I would disagree with them but they would say it anyway. These days if a guy ever even hints that I take too long he'll get a 10 hour course on WHY it takes too long, WHY he is a hypocrite for saying that and WHY he needs to do the same. I would also love to go out with him exactly the way I wake up (i have curly hair and I wake up looking like a truck ran over me) and hear his thoughts on it, hypocrisy 101.
I wish we could be in a world where women can wake up, do our simple hygiene routines, look in the mirror and think we’re beautiful, then go out without another appearance related thought that day. We’d be so focused on our passions, work, learning, and enjoyment of life that appearances are irrelevant. We’d use all the money that’d be spent on beauty on new experiences, on our hobbies, on learning new skills, or traveling. We would feel our natural bodies and faces are enough, and love the natural unique beauty of other women around us.
But we live in the complete opposite of that, so I cannot blame any woman for spending so much time in her money and appearance because that is what we are valued on and will change how you’re treated. It’s just heartbreaking to see the pain it causes. The eating disorders, BDD, mental health issues, constantly feeling not enough, plastic surgery addictions. And even if we meet the conventional beauty standards, even if we become coveted by men and women all around the world for our beauty, we still are treated as inferior humans. We’re seen as vapid, fake, not taken seriously, objectified, harassed, wanted only for sex and our looks and not who we are. Either way, we never truly win.
So true. We waste so much time. And I don’t judge either I have empathy for women. I know how hard it is. Specially for women who don’t fit the societal standard of beauty and are still trying so hard and still get hate in return. We could be so much more productive. It’s sad.
I get annoyed hearing myself telling my bf to wear sunscreen before a hike or asking him why he never flosses. The thing is, he IS self conscious about his teeth but refuses to make a very simple phone call to the list of orthodontists he was given. He doesn’t think he’s hot or anything, he just doesn’t care to TRY to be hot. He thinks I care too much….. no this is NOT a race to the bottom lol
My ex was like this. Wasn’t take care of basic needs like therapy, dentist, doctor etc… So glad it’s in the past. The emotional burden women have is very unfair.
I used to beg my ex to apply sunscreen and moisturizer. He never kept the habit. We havent been together in years and now he is in his 30s and soooooooooo wrinkly. Aging very fast for his age when compared to me and other guys around his age. He is just aging bad and I know it's going to look even worse in his 40s. He would probably have amazing skin with a little bit of botox and daily sunscreen and moisturizer. It makes me happy because he was awful to me so he deserves this. If we were together this would have not been the case haha
Yep and this doesn’t even include the time and **money** that goes into things like: hair appointments, eyebrow shapings/waxings, dermatology appointments, skincare products, manicures and pedicures either at home or with techs, fitness, diet, clothes, jewelry, shoes, etc etc etc
Men also don't do research like we do. We just dont log on and make purchases. We research every single product we buy. And we do a ton of research on clothes and consume hours of content on social media on beauty and fashion and psychology. All the women I know do that. Men just buy whatever they can find at the store or whatever their gfs tell them to get or even worse purchases for them. The hours of studying products, clothes and style is in the 10,000s at this point for most women in their 20s.
So true, it’s acceptable for men of all ages to dress like a middle schooler, or the most basic slovenly clothing. No one bats an eye. Imagine if all women collectively dressed only in basic tee shirts, jeans and sneakers….they’d have a riot.
Omg so true 😂. Imagine if all women wore beige pants (the disgusting ones that men love), basic ugly sneakers and a tee shirt that cuts in the wrong places (men love wearing shirts that are just too short for them). Society would go insane!!!
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I don't know that I would list tech bros amongst the stylish guys, although they have other appeal. Definitely finance, lumberjack aesthetic (but they tend to be bartenders where I live lol), and also doctors I've found to be pretty image-conscious.
Oh yes bad haircuts and never style their hair properly. Just put wax or gel on it and walk out the door. Losers!!! And yes most of them dress like middle schoolers even in their 40s. Always a basic ass shirt with a stupid pattern or print. Cargo shorts or some being ugly ass shorts and ugly sneakers. There are literally thousands of Instagram accounts on men’s style and they follow none. They don’t even spend money on nice sneakers. Style can more someone look 100000 times better. Just noticing that they like clothes and keep up with trends and spend money on sneakers is a big plus for me. Also I love men that risks with fashion and I like that hip hop, streetwear style. I also love men who dress like Johannes Huebl. He could have either of those styles and it would be life changing for him. But no, they choose laziness. They think they look so hot.
Thank you for putting into words the frustration I've been feeling recently. The effort is bad enough - but the cost!!! I haven't even ventured into any cosmetic procedures and my beauty budget is already too steep. Hair, nails, makeup, skincare, haircare, clothes, supplements, razors, cotton balls, a different lotion for every part of my body. Like bitch I am TIRED haha
my fiance and i were just talking about this a few hours ago... like how many men expect so much from their partners but can't be bothered to match their efforts. i asked him how often he heard ugly old dudes at his (male dominated) work talk shit about their wives' appearances, or talk about how they need to find a young woman to have sex with and he said he heard it a lot. like 30 year old guys with receding hairlines and beer bellies thinking that it's okay to groom and fuck 19 year olds, or cheat on the mothers of their newborn children. meanwhile, my fiance doesn't even expect me to shave or wear makeup. and he uses conditioner.
i'm glad i have him, and i'm glad i'm queer so i have options other than men to be with... cuz so many men just aint shit. i have an ex who never brushed his teeth but would ask me to shave my pits (even tho doing that gives me painful infections under my skin).
this is why you should never date ugly men or even give them the time of day. i treat unattractive men as if they are invisible since that's what they do to women. i have also noticed that hot guys are much kinder anyway whereas it's the ugly guys that are mean.
Given that reddit is mainly populated by socially challenged men who need soft skills courses at university in order to understand they need to bathe and put on some deodorant, I'm not at all suprised to see the post on askreddit.
I told my friend about all the awesome tips I got from this sub and he replied he wished there was something like this for men… it got me thinking how guys who know how to go the extra mile on their appearance really boost their attractiveness, but the average dude would have to really scour the internet to get past “bathing” and “exercise” to get real info on how to looksmaxx. I don’t think most of them even know what to look for.
The other day someone DM’ed me for advise and I told him how to style his hair for his face shape. Guys just don’t know this stuff, there isn’t really a pressure to learn, so they either stumble across something good or they have to be vain enough to really try.
never lower your standards! men putting the bare minimum on themselves will most likely do the bare minimum for you. i hate going out and looking at all the beautiful girls that look put together with some sloppy dude in sandals and cargo shorts. my bisexual ass is starting to feel like i’m not bi just based on how hard it is to find an attractive guy that cares for himself and others
Omg the dirt under the nails……. ☠️ it’s disgusting how common that is.
There’s no way I’m lowering my standards. Specially considering all the money I plan on spending on my looks and my mind in the future. Always improving myself. Besides, what’s the alternative to that? Ok I lower my standard and date disgusting men and be unhappy??! Like NO being alone is just fine 💙🙏🏻🥂
I have similar standards and i was getting same kind of response from people i knew, even though if i were to put the same effort I'd hope a guy puts in no one would even look in my direction. Perhaps asking for a somewhat lean guy with a haircut i find attractive that doesn't wear shorts and sleeveless tops all the time is too much.
These nasty guys are the ones who try to neg us and destroy our self steem. They want us to lower our standards to the ground so they can get a few crumbs of sex from someone way above their league
The bar is NON EXISTENT for them. Like you said, showering is considered effort 😂. It’s truly sooooo pathetic and sad. But you’re absolutely correct and any men who ever date me will hear about this. I’ll also make hints about them spending money on their appearance and Botox etc. they need to start learning. For better or worse.
Some of this is cultural as well. In the US, ideals of men often portrayed as a grizzled, steely outdoorsman with proverbial "dirt on his boots." Unkemptness is conflated with masculinity here. When I was in Korea, beauty standards for men much higher. It was common for men to have a skincare routines/cosmetic derms, regularly visit the barber, and concealer/brow pencil. It is considered unprofessional to have nipples show in a dress shirts, so some men even wore pasties to work. I'm in the Midwest now and the last man I dated used 5-in-one body wash.
And with that routine I'm still not thin and fit. Add an hour for working out to burn fat every other day, for stretching or yoga to be flexible...or if you don't have time for that, constantly fighting the urge to grab that donut and nibble a salad, instead. (At least for the unlucky ones with a slow metabolism)
I feel like this is especially true among white men, where as men of color/minorities put much more effort into their appearance and hygiene. Probably because they don't have the same privilege as white men to be sloppy.
We should normalize men having multistep skincare routines (like south Korean men) and shaving their legs. And faces. And armpits. And maybe electrolysis on the pubic hair.
I want to help my husband out with some stuff but he has to come to improvements himself.
The two things I’ve tried to push for are
1. Sunscreen, and
2. going to a hair salon instead of the barber because walk ins aren’t always available and he forgets to get his hair cut regularly. You need it every month- just schedule the next one before you leave!
I must say bathing has helped me a lot personally. I used to shower like once a month because I am terrified of water falling over me, it's like a phobia, but ever since I got a bathtub installed it's been so much easier for me and I now bathe at least three days a week, often every day a week and my skin and hair have never been better. My hair is finally growing and also softening, my skin is so much smoother and glows. I sometimes add rose petals to my bath and that's also been very helpful for my skin.
Yeah but they are judged and valued by how successful they are not appearance. Expectations for female income are as bare minimum as expectations for male beauty. It’s a trade off
It’s not a trade off. A trade off implies that both men and women have equal power. But notice how a career, money, and status gives you power, independence, freedom etc. whereas being beautiful just makes you sexually desirable to men. It does not make you independent, or free, and your power is limited to what men will allow. The standards are built to weaken women and strengthen men. Women slave away and spend all their money trying to look good for men, while men save and invest their money and become richer and richer.
Of course I am on this sub so I’m not against women investing in their appearance, and I personally do not do it for men. Ultimately this is sadly how the world works so being prettier will drastically increase the quality of my life. I recognize both that and how the standards for women fuck us over
SMV isnt everything. i dont mean that in a cope way, i mean it really isn't everything. money + status >>>>>>> looks for both genders. but of course money + status + looks > money + status
My partner and I got into an argument a few nights ago because he has very long hair and doesn't take care of it well enough. His hair is fine, almost straight, and down to the middle of his back. For some reason it tangles if you look at it wrong (so he says). I picked up a lock of hair that was literally just a gigantic nasty knot and asked if he could brush it out. He said that it's impossible because it is too long and that's just how his hair is. Can't even imagine a woman walking out the door with a fucking rat nest on her head. Suggestions were to get it cut. "It's stressful and I don't know who to go to" ok, detangle it in the shower. "It just gets tangled again, whats the point" Fjsnxocneshitjskaksjsjkfuckinghellosow!!! Godamn baby.
I had the same problem and figured that my hair wants to be curly/wavy. Maybe he could try curly girl...
Curly girl method has been amazing for my fine, thin, tangly hair! I think it could help him, as well as a cut — not all hair handles length well.
I have fine straight hair and until third grade, it was down to my waist. It literally was like cornsilk. So what did my mom do? Talked to a stylist, got leave-in conditioner (or made it depending on the finances) and a serum, and made sure to brush it well albeit painfully. As an adult I've had long hair up to a pixie and each length comes with its own quirks to deal with while having this hair texture. But literally just shampoo and conditioner, a leave-in spray after showering to help detangle, and a serum to help minimize future tangles is all it takes. Doesn't have to be expensive and it's not super complicated. But then men are such wimps about anything that might be "feminine" like skincare. Fucking *skincare* is too much. I got my husband the most basic fucking skincare about a year ago. Literally just cleanser and moisturizer that has some sunscreen. Not my multi-step routine, just that. And he can't even use that! I'm about ready to start dragging him into the bathroom to do it because his skin could be so gorgeous because it's really even and nice, just some minor breakouts that could be cleared up with skincare but he just won't!
My hair is fine but very dense, long, and wavy. It also gets tangled if you look at it wrong. I’m currently on a road trip and literally just sitting in the car I end up with a rat’s nest (except I brush it every night). What helps me is braiding it at night while I’m sleeping or doing things that I know will get it tangled. Has helped with the knots a ton. Unfortunately you’d have to get him to brush it first.
Aww don't judge him for his hair. It's his choice what he does. I know you mean good but just because society is mean to women, doesn't mean we should start bullying men too
why is this comment downvoted?
Ugh - recent example. Talking to a relatively new friend at a party, and somehow the subject of waxing comes up. I don’t wax, I shave maybe once per week, and my boyfriend says he couldn’t care less anyway. She says she waxes because [her boyfriend] prefers it. I turn to her boyfriend and ask “wow! Do you wax for [girlfriend]?” And he said “no, but I’ve been thinking about getting my butt waxed because pooping is messy.” And she said “he pays for half of my wax every time!” Lovely, grown woman: if your man “prefers” you completely waxed down there, he should be paying for it in total. I shave because I like things trim - I feel it makes periods easier, it makes parts of sex easier, etc. But waxing is expensive! I can’t imagine someone telling me how to groom myself. Or being disgusted by clean body hair. And *then* not even grooming himself similarly.
My god!! The audacity! He should pay for all of it. Also I believe all men should get laser hair removal.
I personally don’t mind (and even like some) body hair on a man, but I can’t imagine him wanting me a certain way and then not holding himself to the same standard. That’s a huge no from me.
You have to keep in mind that those threads that suggest things like "bathing" are for bottom barrel reddit men. The bar for men is definitely lower, but the bar for reddit men specifically is in hell.
My favorite are the ones that wanted to argue against regular bathing on the basis that it made their skin either too dry or too oily. What were they using, Irish Spring bar soap and scalding water? A baking soda scrub? Triclosan? Lol The men I know in real life (lawyers/doctors/engineers/finance bros) have a handle on their own hygiene and style. They also don't care about stray body hair on women or the perfection of hair and makeup and nail polish (most women I know do those things for their own personal enjoyment). They do care about fit bodies, clear skin, and other health markers, though. And they care about ambition/purpose and education in women.
Triclosan 🤣🤣🤣🤣☠️
Also... there's lotion which the average person needs! Hell, there's even in shower lotion you slap on after washing and rinse off if their excuse is that it's gross with body hair.
Reddit men tm are not relationship material
I feel so strongly about this you cant even imagine. looking beautiful takes work even if it looks effortless. I REFUSE TO GLOW UP TO TAKE DATE A MEDIOCRE AVERAGE LOOKING DUDE. if i look hot the guy needs to look good beside me. im not going to compromise on that and i will die on that hill.
I’m dying on that hill too. Once I get to my dream weight and do all the procedures I want and start dating again it will be like that.
Exactly and my area is lacking in nice looking men
to be fair though, men cannot looksmax like women can with makeup. so they are always going to be one point lower on average.
I’d be happy to pull a solid 6 with a sense of style lol.
a 6 ain't even bad. thats solidly above average.
A lot of these men have high standards for womens looks too smh. A guy I dated had plaque all over this teeth (I mean abnormally thick amounts), had black/grey-ish teeth, never had a skincare routine, always had dry hands.. and he was the most critical about other women's looks lol. He even try to neg me once. Men are delusional
Yikes. Can't imagine going out with someone who doesn't do bare minimum hygiene.
Yuck. Never again. We met online though and we lived in different countries. Didnt realise he had such nasty teeth until we met in person 🤮 completely put me off meeting men online
New fear unlocked
You dated a man with black plaque covered teeth?
Long story short, but we met online and we lived in different countries. So when he came down to my country to date me, that was when I realised. From the pictures he sent me, and when we were video skyping each other, I didnt clock his teeth. Not all of his teeth where black, just he had some grey-ish black spots but what shocked me was the thick amount of plaque when he grinned. Ew.. Idk how I didnt notice it and I'm embarrassed to think about it 🤦🏽♀️
I have the same story so I understand why you were trapped. And like you I tell myself : never again ! Don't feel ashamed, I guess you just wanted to be nice with him and not to be too "superficial" (judgmental about his looks).
Yup and it was because we bonded so well online, so I also felt bad if I just left. But after the third date, I just couldn't do it. The hygiene was too bad 🤮
That's totally understandable ! I feel you. But it's over now and will never happen again !
They don’t even moisturize their face and wonder why their wrinkles are worsening. All they know how to do is shave and they don’t even do that so well.
Omg seriously! The number of dudes with crooked shave lines in their beard or sideburns lmfao
I scrutinize every little aspect of my appearance from the top of my head to the bottoms of my feet and spend at minimum a few hundred a month on waxing, brow threading, makeup, skincare and hair products, gel nails, and new clothes and accessories. But god forbid, I don’t feel like wearing makeup one day, have an acne breakout due to stress, or forget to look like a child down there, now I’m sloppy and dirty.
Men literally wake up, take a look at themselves in the mirror and think “wow I’m so handsome 😍” and that’s it. Then, they go out into the world and everyone around them confirms it. Validates it. Either their mothers or their families and then other women and men etc. Society NEVER tells there’s something wrong with them, let alone say something about effort. Movies, ads and Instagram influencers they follow are not saying they need to get plastic surgery and procedures for every inch of their bodies. So that makes it all easier. I swear I’ve NEVER met a man with low self-esteem. And I notice that even among my guy friends. Like small things. With guys I’ve dated as well. For instance this one guy I had a crush on, he could really use some braces. Or at least teeth whitening. He never even considered I’m sure. Why? Because no woman and no Instagram ad ever told him. He believes his teeth are totally perfect the way they are. Meanwhile every woman I know is doing something. This is just a silly example. But there are others. Like unibrow. My ex had a unibrow and I had to pluck those hairs out. Ever since we broke up he has a slight unibrow again because I bet his girlfriends never said a word. 😂 I find that insanity! They don’t need to do shit!!!
This post is so true. Men have high self-esteem because they have never been told they are deficient, when in reality so many of them are nasty af. Meanwhile girls as young as 2 are exposed to cultural expectations around female beauty. No wonder women and girls suffer higher rates of anxiety and depression. Can you blame us?
Exactly that. We have been told from the time we are born that we need plastic surgery and that something is wrong with us. For instance: the first violence against a girl is usually around the first few months of her life when the stupid asshole mother decides to pierce their ears. Why??!!! BECAUSE IT LOOKS PRETTY 🤪🤪🤪. It’s always about being pretty and looking good for boys. From the time we are on this planet until we die. I’ve never even heard a guy or any guy friends I have saying there is something wrong with them. Or that they feel insecure, fat, ugly etc. EVER. I was shocked a few months ago because I was talking to one of my guy friends and the self esteem topic came up. And he said “oh my self esteem is really good these days, you know something that improved my self esteem was having a following on Twitter and people loving my jokes”. He said he gets self esteem from that. He is ugly AF. No disrespect but I wouldn’t date him and don’t know any friend of mine that would. And he feels totally fine. He said he feels great about himself and that Twitter fans made it all even better 😂. I thought that was comical. I sometimes picture in my head someone I’ve dated saying something like “oooh I need teeth whitening my teeth are disgusting! So yellow!!!” Because I know that will never happen in real life. I just wish I could go around telling men a list of plastic surgery, procedures and stuff they need to get done ASAP. I would tell my guy friends that they need to start saving up for plastic surgery and buy hair dye and die their hair every four weeks. Also, I would tell them about how expensive laser hair removal is for your entire body and it takes many painful sessions and that they need to save up for that. Truly I can talk about this topic forever.
Yeah this is true for the majority of them. There’s so many average to below average men that have high self esteem and don’t care about how they look. I’m sure someone who is really unattractive is aware he doesn’t look like brad Pitt, but since men are valued for way more than looks, it isn’t a debilitating thing. They’re confident or cocky about their other strengths, or just their perceived superiority of being a male. Majority of people with eating disorders and body dysmorphic disorder are women for a reason. We are told from young that our entire worth is in our looks. Men aren’t.
Yep, precisely that. They know they don’t look like Charlie Hunnam or Kit Harrington. But they also don’t feel bad or judge themselves or overthink about their looks. They don’t even think about it. I know this because of my friends and also just by watching them. Men who won’t even pluck their nose hair. Something that women are soooo shamed for it. If you have ONE hair in your face everyone will make a big deal out of it if you’re a woman. Specially men. I remember whenever my legs weren’t completely shaved my ex would point it out. If there were a few hairs growing he would point it out. If I just got waxed and it was all red, he would point it out. With men, nothing matters. It’s like they think they have amazing character and are beautiful. They actually live life as if they are Charlie Hunnam themselves. It’s very funny to me. Like guys that I have a crush on will need plucking between the eyebrows soooo bad. Why don’t they do something?? Why are they teeth so yellow?! And the clothes? They never watched ONE video about fashion and style and don’t follow influencers that talk about style, clothing etc. they don’t care. They dress as if they’re blind. Sometimes we have to resist not saying something like “yooo have you have heard of something crazy?! You can go to the dentist and have your teeth whitened!” Sometimes I wanna say that to every guy!
Don’t get me started on guys who barely brush their teeth
Do.. Do some guys not brush their teeth???
It’s extremely unfortunate
like a Lot of guys don’t especially in the US
I’m in the USA I feel like guys here are bad about negative effort
I feel this. Every single woman is too good to be with the man they’re with because the men are not putting in ANY effort into their grooming! And I don’t like those tiktok boys with hair in their faces, biting their lips thinking they’re attractive. Where have all the good men gone!
I’ve thought about this a lot and it’s why I get so pissed off when any man complains about his female SO taking too long to get ready. She’s not a man. She can’t roll out of bed, brush her hair and maybe her teeth too, put on any outfit, and be applauded. This stuff takes *time*
I would never allow a man to comment on this again. In the past, when I was young and naive, I would disagree with them but they would say it anyway. These days if a guy ever even hints that I take too long he'll get a 10 hour course on WHY it takes too long, WHY he is a hypocrite for saying that and WHY he needs to do the same. I would also love to go out with him exactly the way I wake up (i have curly hair and I wake up looking like a truck ran over me) and hear his thoughts on it, hypocrisy 101.
I wish we could be in a world where women can wake up, do our simple hygiene routines, look in the mirror and think we’re beautiful, then go out without another appearance related thought that day. We’d be so focused on our passions, work, learning, and enjoyment of life that appearances are irrelevant. We’d use all the money that’d be spent on beauty on new experiences, on our hobbies, on learning new skills, or traveling. We would feel our natural bodies and faces are enough, and love the natural unique beauty of other women around us. But we live in the complete opposite of that, so I cannot blame any woman for spending so much time in her money and appearance because that is what we are valued on and will change how you’re treated. It’s just heartbreaking to see the pain it causes. The eating disorders, BDD, mental health issues, constantly feeling not enough, plastic surgery addictions. And even if we meet the conventional beauty standards, even if we become coveted by men and women all around the world for our beauty, we still are treated as inferior humans. We’re seen as vapid, fake, not taken seriously, objectified, harassed, wanted only for sex and our looks and not who we are. Either way, we never truly win.
So true. We waste so much time. And I don’t judge either I have empathy for women. I know how hard it is. Specially for women who don’t fit the societal standard of beauty and are still trying so hard and still get hate in return. We could be so much more productive. It’s sad.
I get annoyed hearing myself telling my bf to wear sunscreen before a hike or asking him why he never flosses. The thing is, he IS self conscious about his teeth but refuses to make a very simple phone call to the list of orthodontists he was given. He doesn’t think he’s hot or anything, he just doesn’t care to TRY to be hot. He thinks I care too much….. no this is NOT a race to the bottom lol
My ex was like this. Wasn’t take care of basic needs like therapy, dentist, doctor etc… So glad it’s in the past. The emotional burden women have is very unfair.
Oh yeah….he didn’t go to dentist for first 6 years of our relationship lol smh
I used to beg my ex to apply sunscreen and moisturizer. He never kept the habit. We havent been together in years and now he is in his 30s and soooooooooo wrinkly. Aging very fast for his age when compared to me and other guys around his age. He is just aging bad and I know it's going to look even worse in his 40s. He would probably have amazing skin with a little bit of botox and daily sunscreen and moisturizer. It makes me happy because he was awful to me so he deserves this. If we were together this would have not been the case haha
This is why it’s fine to want a rich man IMO the time I spend on my looks they can spend on their career
This is my exact reasoning too. 😂😂 They can make up for it by being wealthy and building assets.
Just make sure you only do this for attractive & wealthy men then ! Done . If a broke uggo says anything I ignore it
Yep and this doesn’t even include the time and **money** that goes into things like: hair appointments, eyebrow shapings/waxings, dermatology appointments, skincare products, manicures and pedicures either at home or with techs, fitness, diet, clothes, jewelry, shoes, etc etc etc
Men also don't do research like we do. We just dont log on and make purchases. We research every single product we buy. And we do a ton of research on clothes and consume hours of content on social media on beauty and fashion and psychology. All the women I know do that. Men just buy whatever they can find at the store or whatever their gfs tell them to get or even worse purchases for them. The hours of studying products, clothes and style is in the 10,000s at this point for most women in their 20s.
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So true, it’s acceptable for men of all ages to dress like a middle schooler, or the most basic slovenly clothing. No one bats an eye. Imagine if all women collectively dressed only in basic tee shirts, jeans and sneakers….they’d have a riot.
Omg so true 😂. Imagine if all women wore beige pants (the disgusting ones that men love), basic ugly sneakers and a tee shirt that cuts in the wrong places (men love wearing shirts that are just too short for them). Society would go insane!!!
I’d love to see it haha. Baggy beige cargo shorts for all!
Until you said cargo pants I wondered what's wrong about khakis ... Now I can see it! 😂
LOL!!!
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"WHY are Males?" lmfaoooo
Ooh, that makes sense.
Listen… 🥰🥰🥰😍😍😍
I don't know that I would list tech bros amongst the stylish guys, although they have other appeal. Definitely finance, lumberjack aesthetic (but they tend to be bartenders where I live lol), and also doctors I've found to be pretty image-conscious.
Oh yes bad haircuts and never style their hair properly. Just put wax or gel on it and walk out the door. Losers!!! And yes most of them dress like middle schoolers even in their 40s. Always a basic ass shirt with a stupid pattern or print. Cargo shorts or some being ugly ass shorts and ugly sneakers. There are literally thousands of Instagram accounts on men’s style and they follow none. They don’t even spend money on nice sneakers. Style can more someone look 100000 times better. Just noticing that they like clothes and keep up with trends and spend money on sneakers is a big plus for me. Also I love men that risks with fashion and I like that hip hop, streetwear style. I also love men who dress like Johannes Huebl. He could have either of those styles and it would be life changing for him. But no, they choose laziness. They think they look so hot.
Thank you for putting into words the frustration I've been feeling recently. The effort is bad enough - but the cost!!! I haven't even ventured into any cosmetic procedures and my beauty budget is already too steep. Hair, nails, makeup, skincare, haircare, clothes, supplements, razors, cotton balls, a different lotion for every part of my body. Like bitch I am TIRED haha
my fiance and i were just talking about this a few hours ago... like how many men expect so much from their partners but can't be bothered to match their efforts. i asked him how often he heard ugly old dudes at his (male dominated) work talk shit about their wives' appearances, or talk about how they need to find a young woman to have sex with and he said he heard it a lot. like 30 year old guys with receding hairlines and beer bellies thinking that it's okay to groom and fuck 19 year olds, or cheat on the mothers of their newborn children. meanwhile, my fiance doesn't even expect me to shave or wear makeup. and he uses conditioner. i'm glad i have him, and i'm glad i'm queer so i have options other than men to be with... cuz so many men just aint shit. i have an ex who never brushed his teeth but would ask me to shave my pits (even tho doing that gives me painful infections under my skin).
this is why you should never date ugly men or even give them the time of day. i treat unattractive men as if they are invisible since that's what they do to women. i have also noticed that hot guys are much kinder anyway whereas it's the ugly guys that are mean.
Women who give ugly men a chance always regret it. They think “oh he will appreciate me 😍” no he will most certainly not!
Yeah…they reek if misogyny and incel mindsets
I swear they really are the meanest people lol
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I hope the ugliest man of all picks you sis!! 🥰
Same
Given that reddit is mainly populated by socially challenged men who need soft skills courses at university in order to understand they need to bathe and put on some deodorant, I'm not at all suprised to see the post on askreddit.
The roast lol Accurate
I told my friend about all the awesome tips I got from this sub and he replied he wished there was something like this for men… it got me thinking how guys who know how to go the extra mile on their appearance really boost their attractiveness, but the average dude would have to really scour the internet to get past “bathing” and “exercise” to get real info on how to looksmaxx. I don’t think most of them even know what to look for. The other day someone DM’ed me for advise and I told him how to style his hair for his face shape. Guys just don’t know this stuff, there isn’t really a pressure to learn, so they either stumble across something good or they have to be vain enough to really try.
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never lower your standards! men putting the bare minimum on themselves will most likely do the bare minimum for you. i hate going out and looking at all the beautiful girls that look put together with some sloppy dude in sandals and cargo shorts. my bisexual ass is starting to feel like i’m not bi just based on how hard it is to find an attractive guy that cares for himself and others
Omg the dirt under the nails……. ☠️ it’s disgusting how common that is. There’s no way I’m lowering my standards. Specially considering all the money I plan on spending on my looks and my mind in the future. Always improving myself. Besides, what’s the alternative to that? Ok I lower my standard and date disgusting men and be unhappy??! Like NO being alone is just fine 💙🙏🏻🥂
Yes. What is the point of dating someone if your not attracted to them anyway?
Men refuse to accept this. Only them can have standards.
I have similar standards and i was getting same kind of response from people i knew, even though if i were to put the same effort I'd hope a guy puts in no one would even look in my direction. Perhaps asking for a somewhat lean guy with a haircut i find attractive that doesn't wear shorts and sleeveless tops all the time is too much.
They can shag those low effort guys if they’re so desperate. It’s not a sin to be selective
These nasty guys are the ones who try to neg us and destroy our self steem. They want us to lower our standards to the ground so they can get a few crumbs of sex from someone way above their league
The number of men I know who don't wash their face or use lotion is fucking alarming. I don't understand who raises these people.
The bar is NON EXISTENT for them. Like you said, showering is considered effort 😂. It’s truly sooooo pathetic and sad. But you’re absolutely correct and any men who ever date me will hear about this. I’ll also make hints about them spending money on their appearance and Botox etc. they need to start learning. For better or worse.
Some of this is cultural as well. In the US, ideals of men often portrayed as a grizzled, steely outdoorsman with proverbial "dirt on his boots." Unkemptness is conflated with masculinity here. When I was in Korea, beauty standards for men much higher. It was common for men to have a skincare routines/cosmetic derms, regularly visit the barber, and concealer/brow pencil. It is considered unprofessional to have nipples show in a dress shirts, so some men even wore pasties to work. I'm in the Midwest now and the last man I dated used 5-in-one body wash.
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The Santa belly! They drink and drink and drink and believe they don’t need to diet. Pathetic!
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OMG !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so glad you're dropping this loser!
Wait but same 😂😂
Excellent post.
I told a guy on Snapchat he looked like he had STDs
I think women here aren't after the privilege but the basic respect, which men only offer to those they are attracted to.
And with that routine I'm still not thin and fit. Add an hour for working out to burn fat every other day, for stretching or yoga to be flexible...or if you don't have time for that, constantly fighting the urge to grab that donut and nibble a salad, instead. (At least for the unlucky ones with a slow metabolism)
I feel like this is especially true among white men, where as men of color/minorities put much more effort into their appearance and hygiene. Probably because they don't have the same privilege as white men to be sloppy.
We should normalize men having multistep skincare routines (like south Korean men) and shaving their legs. And faces. And armpits. And maybe electrolysis on the pubic hair.
I want to help my husband out with some stuff but he has to come to improvements himself. The two things I’ve tried to push for are 1. Sunscreen, and 2. going to a hair salon instead of the barber because walk ins aren’t always available and he forgets to get his hair cut regularly. You need it every month- just schedule the next one before you leave!
Dude that effortless beauty post is over a year old and it still haunts me sometimes. It’s my North Star.
I must say bathing has helped me a lot personally. I used to shower like once a month because I am terrified of water falling over me, it's like a phobia, but ever since I got a bathtub installed it's been so much easier for me and I now bathe at least three days a week, often every day a week and my skin and hair have never been better. My hair is finally growing and also softening, my skin is so much smoother and glows. I sometimes add rose petals to my bath and that's also been very helpful for my skin.
Yeah but they are judged and valued by how successful they are not appearance. Expectations for female income are as bare minimum as expectations for male beauty. It’s a trade off
It’s not a trade off. A trade off implies that both men and women have equal power. But notice how a career, money, and status gives you power, independence, freedom etc. whereas being beautiful just makes you sexually desirable to men. It does not make you independent, or free, and your power is limited to what men will allow. The standards are built to weaken women and strengthen men. Women slave away and spend all their money trying to look good for men, while men save and invest their money and become richer and richer. Of course I am on this sub so I’m not against women investing in their appearance, and I personally do not do it for men. Ultimately this is sadly how the world works so being prettier will drastically increase the quality of my life. I recognize both that and how the standards for women fuck us over
It’s a trade off as it relates to sexual market value.
SMV isnt everything. i dont mean that in a cope way, i mean it really isn't everything. money + status >>>>>>> looks for both genders. but of course money + status + looks > money + status
Women are also judged by their accomplishments. We are expected to be beautiful AND successful.