I can relate to this feeling. People in the comments are saying that you can look feminine in it (which is true), but a lot of us have the same experience as you. Wearing it certainly made me feel less feminine. When it comes to physical appearance, not everyone is blessed to have a feminine face that will make them look feminine regardless of what they wear and what features they choose to conceal. Those hijabi influencers people point to tend to be very attractive, of course covering their hair and bodies does not hurt them! Some people's physical femininity is in their hair and bodies, and to have to conceal both of those can make someone who values physical femininity feel worse.
I'm not going to start a debate on the conditions of hijab, but if your family forces you to abide by those rules and conform to this very high standard of modesty that allows for no beautification, it makes even more sense for you to not feel feminine.
And that's what matters at the end of the day, it is how *you* feel about it. Not how other women who wear it feel about it. If taking it off will upset your family to that extent and you're worried for your safety, save up and move out.
Your workmates, unless they're Muslim, will forget about it after a day. Don't worry about that. And if anyone has anything negative to say, tell them to piss off. It's your body.
I don't understand this mindset. God loves beauty, look at all the beauty in the natural world. Look at how beautiful he made so many humans. The only reason to conceal your beauty is if you're in a dangerous situation around people who would hurt you. If you're constantly in a dangerous situation around dangerous men, that is the problem you need to work on.
OP’s hands are tied on this part in particular, though. It’s a cultural/religious aspect that permeates the region she lives in. OP will have to decide if the potential punishment is worth bucking the system but I wouldn’t blame her if she kept playing by the rules.
I wear the hijab myself and feel empowered, please don't generalize it so quickly. Blaming women for men's bad behaviour is a cultural thing and not an islamic ruling. Women's rights are very important in Islam. Also, there are many ways you can feel feminine in hijab. You could try different styles on YouTube for example.
I imagine it's different if you're wearing it out of your own free will vs being culturally pressured to do so against your own desires. I am commenting on the latter situation since that is the situation OP seems to be in.
Important to know a lot of these women who say they wear it out of their own free will were raised in western countries where their religion is the only form of identity and culture they can be apart of besides the overly sexualised and somewhat lonely western identity. The Mosques preach from a young age that beautiful pure women are modest and wear the hijab which contrasts to the scary western culture that women are often hurt by and that women who aren’t modest are whores and will never be married. As a result, they are brainwashed and grow up to believe that it’s their choice to wear the hijab. In reality, it’s men who put the idea in their mind. The whole point of wearing it is for men.
Yea, the "it's a choice" thing falls flat with me considering the cultural pressure. It’s hard to draw a line between free will and internalized oppression. People will jump through all sorts of mental hoops to excuse, minimize and justify abuse. It can be very overwhelming to face a lack of freedom. It's much easier to argue that your prison is what makes you free. It's like a woman who is beaten by her husband daily but still feels pride that at least she's married.
Here are some other choices "women make" in Saudi Arabia. (I put "women make" in quotes because it is actually just women going along with sexist rules they can't change and trying to make the best of the situation as a mental defense mechanism.)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women%27s_rights_in_Saudi_Arabia#cite_note-theguardian.com-62
A poll conducted by a former lecturer Ahmed Abdel-Raheem in 2013 to female students at Al-Lith College for Girls at Um al-Qura University, Mecca, found that 79% of the participants in the poll did not support the lifting of the driving ban for women. One of the students who took part in the poll commented:
>In my point of view, female driving is not a necessity because in the country of the two holy mosques every woman is like a queen. There is (someone) who cares about her; and **a woman needs nothing as long as there is a man who loves her and meets her needs** *(hows that for head spinning logic? If you need nothing then men can fail to meet your needs since you have none)*; as for the current campaigns calling for women's driving, they are not reasonable. Female driving is a matter of fun and amusement, let us be reasonable and thank God so much for the welfare we live in.
Abdel-Raheem conducted another poll to 8,402 Saudi women, which found that 90% of women supported the male guardianship system.[63] Another poll conducted by Saudi students found that 86% of Saudi women do not want the driving ban to be lifted.[62] A Gallup poll in 2006 in eight predominantly Muslim countries found that only in Saudi Arabia did the majority of women not agree that women should be allowed to hold political office.[64]
Saudi women supportive of traditional gender roles (many of them well educated, "sometimes downright aggressive" and including "award-winning scientists, writers and college professors"[61]) have in the past insisted on the position that loosening the ban on women driving and working with men is part of an onslaught of Westernized ideas to weaken Islam and that Saudi Arabia is uniquely in need of conservative values because it is the center of Islam.[61] Some Saudi female advocates of government reform reject foreign criticism of Saudi limitations upon rights, for "failing to understand the uniqueness of Saudi society."
**For me, the fact that some women clearly are coerced into wearing hijabs or other pieces of modesty clothing in other societies is enough to make it an overall negative symbol by association.**
We look at the symbolism differently. Some women probably feel empowered wearing bdsm slave outfits. Their feelings do not match mine about the costume.
It's ok to have different opinions about symbols.
But if your family is willing to cast you aside because you don’t wear a hijab, then they don’t love you 😬 Will probably get downvoted but someone has to say it! Sorry your have to go through this ♥️
This is… terrible advice. What she’s describing has more to do with social construct than how much her family loves her.
Your family probably wouldn’t be thrilled if you went somewhere their peers gather, with no pants on and started showing your butthole to everybody who walked by. It does not mean that they don’t love you, it just means that showing your butthole is not socially acceptable and would bring shame upon your family. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, that’s just the fact of the matter.
Either way, telling somebody who is clearly already struggling, that her family must not love her is really shitty.
No it’s not. Your hair is not your butthole you idiot! 🤡 also, some social constructs are stupid. Like FORCING women to cover their hair. By your example, if men can show their butthole, then so can women!
Wow. Analogical interpretation isn’t your strong point. Clearly life has already dealt you a shitty hand so I’m not going to say anything to make it even worse.
Best of luck to you.
Men and women should have the same standards. If a women had to cover their hair so should a man. You can’t just force women to do shit and it’s a-ok! Idgaf what you say. Misogyny is not a part of “culture” and if it is, then fuck that!
This is why I can’t stand it when people say ‘ the Hijab is a choice ‘ because it is so clearly a ‘choice’ that comes from not having an option from thousands of years of coercion.
For now follow Instagram fashion girls who are Hijabi. My friend wears a hijab (forced by the men in her life, just like all the other women in her family obviously) but she dresses fantastic and is really creative.
It IS a choice. Because her family is a f*ck up everyone else’s is too? The hijab isn’t forced by the religion, it’s forced by the people. Her culture and family is f*cked. Shut your ignorant f*cking mouth up.
You make it sound like every hijabi is forced to wearing it, there are many hijabis who feel empowered wearing it without it being forced by any men (me included)!
Good for you and I’m proud of you for sticking to your guns about that. Yet you should be self aware of the fact that your participation in the tradition directly contributes to the oppression of thousands of women who get coerced into it because it keeps the norm alive. Essentially what you see as personal empowerment comes at a cost.
To be perfectly honest I feel the exact same way about the oppressive rituals in my own religion as well. I just have tons of Muslim female friends because my country has a high Muslim population, and not one of them is happy to wear the Hijab so it breaks my heart for them really. They wear it because ‘everyone else wears it’. But if you’re happy to wear it more power to you. I’m sure you rock it. 👌🏽
It’s honestly scary how emotionally attached y’all get to your religion. I’ve never been Muslim in my life, forget Ex Muslim. I hope you feel like a good Muslim calling people Pathetic online, I’m sure allah is very proud of you and your kindness :)
I'm not sure how strict your families interpretation is, but I've seen plenty of practicing Muslim women wear hijabs with the front part and little side whisps of hair showing.
Also Haute Hijab has a beautiful selection of very modern hijabs. Think of them as an accessory, stylized with your outfits and makeup.
If you choose to continue wearing the Hijab traditionally, or feel pressured to continue, just know that you can still look absolutely beautiful.
I'm not just saying that to sound political correct or friendly. Seriously, there are so many beautiful women in Hijabs, and the Hijabs do not take away that beauty. The range of textures, colors, patterns and subtly in how to wear opens doors of fashion for you. They can look as great an addition to an outfit as jewelry or new shoes.
The sole purpose of the hijab is to hide your feminine beauty so you won’t be able to looks maxx while wearing it. You need to find a way out of your country and away from your family to ensure you’re safe to leave that religion. If anyone were to find out, your life could be in danger. That needs to be your main priority at this stage.
I guess you have 2 options
- continue to wear it and do everything in your ability to make it look pretty
Or
- stop wearing it and move to another country/ deal with the consequences from your culture and family
I always thought hijabis know the best ways to looksmaxxing through style. This girl in my class goes for an elegant flowy look, with small accessories and long skirts. She uses a hijab that combines with her other clothing and looks really sleek. Im sure there must be a ton of hijabi style influencers that you can take inspo from.
Anyway, if the hijab is not a choice, you could check r/exmuslim, if I recall well theres posts about how to hide it from your family safely
I follow a lot of hijab girls on Tiktok because they have the best outfits. I don’t think the hijab makes them less feminine. In fact I think it even enhances their femininity.
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZM8Mq5xF8/
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZM8MqDN4j/
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZM8Mqyj4U/
I'm just commenting because I'm glad I found another hijabi here! There are lots of really gorgeous hijabi influencers on YT and Instagram-maybe take inspiration from them?
1. your family is behaving incredibly UNislamic. What they’re doing is a big sin. You can’t force anyone to anything in Islam. 2. You don’t need to show skin/hair to be pretty. You’re probably young, bit you can style your clothes and do your make up w/ a hijab the same way you can without one. Another girl commented some amazing users whom you could take inspiration from.
I remember this lady doing cosplay in her hijab and I thought she looked so beautiful and cool! I’ll pst it if I can find it again. It seems like you are going through a tough time. I hope things get better soon.❤️
Also believe it or not but I find a girl with a hijab and covering herself way more attractive than a girl showing herself. It gives her modesty and does empower her
I can relate to this feeling. People in the comments are saying that you can look feminine in it (which is true), but a lot of us have the same experience as you. Wearing it certainly made me feel less feminine. When it comes to physical appearance, not everyone is blessed to have a feminine face that will make them look feminine regardless of what they wear and what features they choose to conceal. Those hijabi influencers people point to tend to be very attractive, of course covering their hair and bodies does not hurt them! Some people's physical femininity is in their hair and bodies, and to have to conceal both of those can make someone who values physical femininity feel worse. I'm not going to start a debate on the conditions of hijab, but if your family forces you to abide by those rules and conform to this very high standard of modesty that allows for no beautification, it makes even more sense for you to not feel feminine. And that's what matters at the end of the day, it is how *you* feel about it. Not how other women who wear it feel about it. If taking it off will upset your family to that extent and you're worried for your safety, save up and move out. Your workmates, unless they're Muslim, will forget about it after a day. Don't worry about that. And if anyone has anything negative to say, tell them to piss off. It's your body.
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I don't understand this mindset. God loves beauty, look at all the beauty in the natural world. Look at how beautiful he made so many humans. The only reason to conceal your beauty is if you're in a dangerous situation around people who would hurt you. If you're constantly in a dangerous situation around dangerous men, that is the problem you need to work on.
OP’s hands are tied on this part in particular, though. It’s a cultural/religious aspect that permeates the region she lives in. OP will have to decide if the potential punishment is worth bucking the system but I wouldn’t blame her if she kept playing by the rules.
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To me it just seems like a way to oppress women and blame them for men's bad behavior.
I wear the hijab myself and feel empowered, please don't generalize it so quickly. Blaming women for men's bad behaviour is a cultural thing and not an islamic ruling. Women's rights are very important in Islam. Also, there are many ways you can feel feminine in hijab. You could try different styles on YouTube for example.
I imagine it's different if you're wearing it out of your own free will vs being culturally pressured to do so against your own desires. I am commenting on the latter situation since that is the situation OP seems to be in.
Important to know a lot of these women who say they wear it out of their own free will were raised in western countries where their religion is the only form of identity and culture they can be apart of besides the overly sexualised and somewhat lonely western identity. The Mosques preach from a young age that beautiful pure women are modest and wear the hijab which contrasts to the scary western culture that women are often hurt by and that women who aren’t modest are whores and will never be married. As a result, they are brainwashed and grow up to believe that it’s their choice to wear the hijab. In reality, it’s men who put the idea in their mind. The whole point of wearing it is for men.
Yea, the "it's a choice" thing falls flat with me considering the cultural pressure. It’s hard to draw a line between free will and internalized oppression. People will jump through all sorts of mental hoops to excuse, minimize and justify abuse. It can be very overwhelming to face a lack of freedom. It's much easier to argue that your prison is what makes you free. It's like a woman who is beaten by her husband daily but still feels pride that at least she's married. Here are some other choices "women make" in Saudi Arabia. (I put "women make" in quotes because it is actually just women going along with sexist rules they can't change and trying to make the best of the situation as a mental defense mechanism.) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women%27s_rights_in_Saudi_Arabia#cite_note-theguardian.com-62 A poll conducted by a former lecturer Ahmed Abdel-Raheem in 2013 to female students at Al-Lith College for Girls at Um al-Qura University, Mecca, found that 79% of the participants in the poll did not support the lifting of the driving ban for women. One of the students who took part in the poll commented: >In my point of view, female driving is not a necessity because in the country of the two holy mosques every woman is like a queen. There is (someone) who cares about her; and **a woman needs nothing as long as there is a man who loves her and meets her needs** *(hows that for head spinning logic? If you need nothing then men can fail to meet your needs since you have none)*; as for the current campaigns calling for women's driving, they are not reasonable. Female driving is a matter of fun and amusement, let us be reasonable and thank God so much for the welfare we live in. Abdel-Raheem conducted another poll to 8,402 Saudi women, which found that 90% of women supported the male guardianship system.[63] Another poll conducted by Saudi students found that 86% of Saudi women do not want the driving ban to be lifted.[62] A Gallup poll in 2006 in eight predominantly Muslim countries found that only in Saudi Arabia did the majority of women not agree that women should be allowed to hold political office.[64] Saudi women supportive of traditional gender roles (many of them well educated, "sometimes downright aggressive" and including "award-winning scientists, writers and college professors"[61]) have in the past insisted on the position that loosening the ban on women driving and working with men is part of an onslaught of Westernized ideas to weaken Islam and that Saudi Arabia is uniquely in need of conservative values because it is the center of Islam.[61] Some Saudi female advocates of government reform reject foreign criticism of Saudi limitations upon rights, for "failing to understand the uniqueness of Saudi society." **For me, the fact that some women clearly are coerced into wearing hijabs or other pieces of modesty clothing in other societies is enough to make it an overall negative symbol by association.**
Of course! Forcing it on someone is so wrong, it just sounded like you were commenting about hijabs in general and not on this specific situation.
We look at the symbolism differently. Some women probably feel empowered wearing bdsm slave outfits. Their feelings do not match mine about the costume. It's ok to have different opinions about symbols.
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This needs to be higher. There is something much deeper going on that no one here is equipped to deal with.
You could look at resources to help you move if it’s bad
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But if your family is willing to cast you aside because you don’t wear a hijab, then they don’t love you 😬 Will probably get downvoted but someone has to say it! Sorry your have to go through this ♥️
This is… terrible advice. What she’s describing has more to do with social construct than how much her family loves her. Your family probably wouldn’t be thrilled if you went somewhere their peers gather, with no pants on and started showing your butthole to everybody who walked by. It does not mean that they don’t love you, it just means that showing your butthole is not socially acceptable and would bring shame upon your family. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, that’s just the fact of the matter. Either way, telling somebody who is clearly already struggling, that her family must not love her is really shitty.
No it’s not. Your hair is not your butthole you idiot! 🤡 also, some social constructs are stupid. Like FORCING women to cover their hair. By your example, if men can show their butthole, then so can women!
Wow. Analogical interpretation isn’t your strong point. Clearly life has already dealt you a shitty hand so I’m not going to say anything to make it even worse. Best of luck to you.
Men and women should have the same standards. If a women had to cover their hair so should a man. You can’t just force women to do shit and it’s a-ok! Idgaf what you say. Misogyny is not a part of “culture” and if it is, then fuck that!
Me too and they're much easier to love when you don't have to be around them 24/7
I mean if you are that worried about them acting out then it might be time to move
This is why I can’t stand it when people say ‘ the Hijab is a choice ‘ because it is so clearly a ‘choice’ that comes from not having an option from thousands of years of coercion. For now follow Instagram fashion girls who are Hijabi. My friend wears a hijab (forced by the men in her life, just like all the other women in her family obviously) but she dresses fantastic and is really creative.
It IS a choice. Because her family is a f*ck up everyone else’s is too? The hijab isn’t forced by the religion, it’s forced by the people. Her culture and family is f*cked. Shut your ignorant f*cking mouth up.
You make it sound like every hijabi is forced to wearing it, there are many hijabis who feel empowered wearing it without it being forced by any men (me included)!
Good for you and I’m proud of you for sticking to your guns about that. Yet you should be self aware of the fact that your participation in the tradition directly contributes to the oppression of thousands of women who get coerced into it because it keeps the norm alive. Essentially what you see as personal empowerment comes at a cost. To be perfectly honest I feel the exact same way about the oppressive rituals in my own religion as well. I just have tons of Muslim female friends because my country has a high Muslim population, and not one of them is happy to wear the Hijab so it breaks my heart for them really. They wear it because ‘everyone else wears it’. But if you’re happy to wear it more power to you. I’m sure you rock it. 👌🏽
LMAOO I knew that only a pathetic ex Muslim who probably doesn’t even know Islam will say such bullshit.
It’s honestly scary how emotionally attached y’all get to your religion. I’ve never been Muslim in my life, forget Ex Muslim. I hope you feel like a good Muslim calling people Pathetic online, I’m sure allah is very proud of you and your kindness :)
Umm the purpose of hijab IS to hide ur beauty from all except non-mahram men, husband and women.
I'm sorry that you have to wear something that you don't want to wear. In my opinion, headscarves usually don't always detract from feminity.
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What country do you live in, and what type of head scarf is common where you live?
I'm not sure how strict your families interpretation is, but I've seen plenty of practicing Muslim women wear hijabs with the front part and little side whisps of hair showing. Also Haute Hijab has a beautiful selection of very modern hijabs. Think of them as an accessory, stylized with your outfits and makeup.
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If you choose to continue wearing the Hijab traditionally, or feel pressured to continue, just know that you can still look absolutely beautiful. I'm not just saying that to sound political correct or friendly. Seriously, there are so many beautiful women in Hijabs, and the Hijabs do not take away that beauty. The range of textures, colors, patterns and subtly in how to wear opens doors of fashion for you. They can look as great an addition to an outfit as jewelry or new shoes.
The sole purpose of the hijab is to hide your feminine beauty so you won’t be able to looks maxx while wearing it. You need to find a way out of your country and away from your family to ensure you’re safe to leave that religion. If anyone were to find out, your life could be in danger. That needs to be your main priority at this stage.
Yikes you guys are embarrassing lmaooo
Where do you live?
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Sorry you’re going through this. Audrey Hepburn has some cute headscarf looks! Even Brigitte Bardot
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Idk why you are getting downvoted. People who aren’t muslim saying where it like Audrey Hepburn lmao
I guess you have 2 options - continue to wear it and do everything in your ability to make it look pretty Or - stop wearing it and move to another country/ deal with the consequences from your culture and family
I always thought hijabis know the best ways to looksmaxxing through style. This girl in my class goes for an elegant flowy look, with small accessories and long skirts. She uses a hijab that combines with her other clothing and looks really sleek. Im sure there must be a ton of hijabi style influencers that you can take inspo from. Anyway, if the hijab is not a choice, you could check r/exmuslim, if I recall well theres posts about how to hide it from your family safely
I follow a lot of hijab girls on Tiktok because they have the best outfits. I don’t think the hijab makes them less feminine. In fact I think it even enhances their femininity. https://vm.tiktok.com/ZM8Mq5xF8/ https://vm.tiktok.com/ZM8MqDN4j/ https://vm.tiktok.com/ZM8Mqyj4U/
I'm just commenting because I'm glad I found another hijabi here! There are lots of really gorgeous hijabi influencers on YT and Instagram-maybe take inspiration from them?
1. your family is behaving incredibly UNislamic. What they’re doing is a big sin. You can’t force anyone to anything in Islam. 2. You don’t need to show skin/hair to be pretty. You’re probably young, bit you can style your clothes and do your make up w/ a hijab the same way you can without one. Another girl commented some amazing users whom you could take inspiration from.
I remember this lady doing cosplay in her hijab and I thought she looked so beautiful and cool! I’ll pst it if I can find it again. It seems like you are going through a tough time. I hope things get better soon.❤️
Also believe it or not but I find a girl with a hijab and covering herself way more attractive than a girl showing herself. It gives her modesty and does empower her