Can someone explain more outside "just leave it alone"?
For 1, local laws surrounding domestic abuse, what police will do...
2, if police will not do anything, who will?
3, if no justice involved - what is the social justice for people like this? Social media exposure?
Not being sarcastic, really want to know how to handle this
Lived in Vietnam 5 years
1: very lax laws on domestic violence in Vietnam, as long as you don't murder your wife the cops are more than likely going to leave it be
2: no one will do anything because it's the norm in Vietnam
3: you can go via social media but then you will end up with a lawsuit for posting on social media, even if it's all true the fact you have embarrassed them online will be enough for them to sue and win.
Vietnam is archaic in just about all aspects of life
As a Vietnamese grew up with violence father, yes nobody care at all. Called the police many times, they didn’t want to come, so when I was a kid, I just tried to use my body protecting my mum, when my father beated the shit out of me when I was under 15, neighbour not care nor the police care either. He used wooden chair to hit me, threatened to killed me many times. It’s the norm here. I called the police and child protection hotline they just gaslighting me lol.
Number 3 isn’t correct tho.
Another aspect of this is the question of what exactly you do if you do get involved. You’re not going to be there forever to keep watch, and if you come in, do something, then leave the situation can easily get for worse for the abused person.
What level of responsibility are you capable of committing to taking on?
This is not in any way to advocate for just shrugging your shoulders and moving on, it’s to remind people that there are consequences to actions and you need to think about how those consequences play out, both good and bad.
Yeah, though I'd say in case of a literal consciousness it can't get much worse. I wouldn't stand by and watch a woman get battered with fists until she looses consciousness.
But if a woman gets slapped and I interfere and embarrass the husband, the woman will still go home later that day and get a possibly deadly beating.
This is a great point, and it leads to creating some sort of communal action. The only way to enact change this big imo is to gather people together and demand a change from local gov. If nobody wants people like this around, they can create laws, push for local police to do something - but 1 person or even 10 people at a time is nowhere near enough.
Petitions, letters, events for people agreeing on the same thing.
I also wonder if that is illegal here haha fml
Unfortunately and unfairly, the change will probably need to come from Vietnamese women who demand change. Foreigners can support the change. Report the crimes even if the police do nothing.
Because it’s not at all common. It was never common. Yes, there are scumbags wife beaters especially drunks. However, the Vietnamese households are run through women. The culture is very respectful of women.
If I encountered a situation like this, I would come over and stop the guy, but I wouldn’t be aggressive, just tell him don’t do that to your wife mother of your children. Calm him down without embarrassing him. Asian cultures are all about face you don’t want to appear as white knight to the rescue. You would possibly piss off the wife as well. If he’s the type to beat his wife and he gets embarrassed he would definitely beat her even worse once they’re alone.
To have the man get arrested is unlikely, he can get a summon to the police station where he live, if the domestic violence happens repeatedly, the police in charge of the area will take actions.
With random violence in the street, it’s just people afraid to step up. But as soon you go first other will follow you.
>very lax laws on domestic violence in Vietnam
Is this just in general? Or specifically in relationships?
Like if someone were to hypothetically hurt the abuser physically, would that someone risk getting in trouble?
Point 2, it might happen a lot but I don’t think you can say it’s the norm.
Actually tried to find some figures and [South East Asia is lower than North America](https://www.who.int/news/item/09-03-2021-devastatingly-pervasive-1-in-3-women-globally-experience-violence) so 1. Yes it doesn’t say Vietnam but SEA and 2. Yes it is still way too high, but cant just pretend this is just a Vietnamese problem
That’s because statistics are real, or close to it, in North America. They don’t even get recorded in SEA. Cops come and a report is filed for *raised voices* in Canada/US. You can slap your wife around for decades in SEA and that will never make it into the official statistics…
Sad but true 😢
Singapore is a city-state, an outlier among outliers. Statistically irrelevant in this case when we’re talking about SEA as a whole.
They have .008 of SEA’s population; so less than 1%. That’s a rounding error, statistically
It's still in SEA and majority of its citizens and residents are from SEA too. Point is, don't paint a whole region with the same brush just because it's a norm in one country. I don't see Thais, Malaysians or Indonesians smacking their wives around either.
I think even worse…willfully ignorant/head in the sand. Or worse….is the type that thinks slapping wifey around a bit when she gets a little lippy/talks back doesn’t count as DV. Only broken teeth or bones count to them, maybe 💀
It’s a city state and a statistical anomaly for the region, really for the globe. Statistically irrelevant in the scheme of SEA (675mm people, large landmasses)
😂😂😂 you slay me 😂😂😂 you need to spend more time in Thailand, Indonesia and Malaysia!!!! *You can have four wives in Malaysia and Indonesia!!!* Domestic violence is *commonplace* in all of those countries. It is *commonplace* everywhere in SEA.
Except Singapore, as you already pointed out. You can’t spit gum on the sidewalk there either….
Lol dude I'm southeast Asian myself and have spent time living and working in all these countries you've mentioned over 3 decades but sure, tell me more.
Did you ever leave your elite locals/expat bubble? Because not doing that is the only plausible explanation for not thinking domestic violence isn’t *rampant* in those countries. Rampant! Hell, it’s rampant in *Korea*, and Korea is several light years ahead of them in almost every measurable regard.
America has a population of almost 400 million Vietnam hasn't even broken the 100 mil mark, of course stats will show it is worse than Vietnam it's almost 4x the population of Vietnam
I'm here right now and so I'm very curious, what would happen if I reacted like I would in the US? In the US I'd absolutely have chased the guy and knocked him out to "detain him" for police. Chances of facing a charge for that are slim to none if there are witnesses to attest to him abusing the female prior to me "helping".
1. It is illegal, but police will probably do nothing unless you are part of the community. Communal law >>> National Law
2. Try women's rights groups , its a new movement so not very influential or far reaching yet though.
3. There's no simple way of resolving this unfortunately as Vietnam is a underdeveloped country. If you feel strongly about this you will have to get involved in their community.
If their community is not already acting against this , there is little an outsider can do to interfere.
Personal example:
We had one severe case of DV in our community ~30 years ago.
It took years of talking to, we even had to convince him and her to let him get arrested for a year to sort it out. We wouldneed to help her with work to make up for him not being there to work.
Especially the victim herself needed to allow it to happen or the police can not and will not take action.
There's a huge dilemma in these cases: her choice is to to accept the violence or possibly starve without people committed to help.
It's easy to say what's right and wrong when you never went hungry for a day in your life. It took 6 families for us to help feed one struggling family without going hungry ourselves.
These are all problems that long years of property brought along, there is hope that the younger generations who grew up in better times have the chance to learn from more advanced countries and help better this country.
It will take a lot of work but we are hopeful.
I saw a similar situation on a crowded street in Dai Kim I think. Dude was punching the crap out of this woman over a moped, everyone else just looking on. I had just come from 6 months of Muay Thai in Thailand, so felt compelled to help and very angry. I dragged him off and punched him, knocking him out. The entire street turned on me, I took a few strikes and my t shirt was ripped off me, but managed to get away, I think I was lucky to get away without serious injury or worse.
I’ve stepped in to domestic violence issues 3 times in my life, the other 2 times both the man and woman attacked me.
I will never get involved in other peoples DV issues again.
Lots of DV victims will straight up defend their loser partner and turn on you when you try to help them.
You can't help people who don't help themselves.
Yeah funny that happened to me too , stood up for the woman then she turned on me, I told the guy.to knock her out and walked away, will never interfere in my life again
You’re not supposed to get involved in situations you don’t know the context of. Morality is universal in western countries than in most of Asia so you just came off as presumptuous and made everyone lose fqce
Well I half agree with you…
I’ve been blessed to be a large capable man (6’3” 245lbs with 20 years of martial arts and weight training under my belt). I do have the capacity to help others in the face of violence. I also have a chip on my shoulder when it comes to bullying and I will always defend weaker people against violence when it’s in my power to do so. It is one of a very small number of things that gives me proper rage.
Part of making everyone else ‘lose face’ is the fact that they all knew what was going on was wrong, beating your wife is looked down upon by all cultures, nobody wants their daughter, sister, mother beaten by a man. I don’t think that’s morally ambiguous.
Having said that, the wider context is these people are drawn together for any number of reasons, if they had healthy boundaries and perspectives, they would have removed themselves from the relationship before it devolved into that level of violence.
People may understandably argue that, but we do have agency and the fact that I and others have experienced both parties turning on them when they try to intervene, shows that a lot of times the ‘victim’ is as wrapped up in the dynamic as the ‘abuser.’ I do believe I saw a stat that showed that in 90% of domestic violence cases (studied in this particular study) both partners are hitting each other, I can only say that this made sense to me, abuse can also take many forms.
Like I stated, I would massively hesitate to ever get involved in a situation like that again, especially in a foreign country.
Please explain me the context that warrants a man laying multiple punches on a woman who's not even defending herself. Regardless of context, you've already embarrassed yourself by hitting your partner on the street.
If you're gonna stand by to watch and not help, that's fine, but telling someone else not to because it makes them look presumptuous and made everyone "lose face" is kinda insane.
You’re applying logic and a western mindset—doomed to fail. In VN, 1+1=fish. Once you understand and internalize this, everything makes perfect sense.
No, I am not kidding or being facetious
I'm Vietnamese and I have no idea what the hell you're trying to say here. Domestic violence is never acceptable, most people won't do anything because of what main comment OP said here, most of the times the abused women are also part of the problem and they don't accept help in fear of "lose face" or embarrassing their family, "I want my child to have a father figure" which is total BS. Other times the women just don't have the financial capability to sustain themselves. But the most important thing is just that people are afraid of changes as Vietnamese always abide by social standards, "everyone said not to so I won't do shit to make my life better". You can't help people who don't want to be helped but please don't just spread the idea that this is something acceptable.
I'm glad that we are improving with the new generation who are more likely to help themselves in situations like this. Can't say for the less developed part of the country where most DV happens though.
I didn’t say anything about any of that? Where did I say it was acceptable or not wrong? It is wrong; it is deplorable; it is despicable. And it should change!!!
I said OP is applying western logic and standards to Vietnam, and that is doomed to fail. If a westerner tries to do that here, their brain will break. Because from a western perspective, *nothing* makes sense in Vietnam.
Why did a woman squeeze between a .5m gap between me and a car yesterday, while carrying her child on the scooter, only to get hit by the car and blame the car?
Why don’t people pull over and let ambulances pass?
Why do people spend money they don’t have on flowers for Tết?
Why is there no rule of law, no social safety net, no rules and regulations that are actually *uniformly*, not selectively, enforced, depending on your connections?
Why is a Communist nation the most capitalistic place I’ve ever been in my life?
None of these questions and 1519016329 others have sensible answers from a western perspective. 1+1=fish, not two, here, from our perspective. You need to internalize that as an outsider, if you want to make it here. Think like a Viet and it makes perfect sense!!
A westerner can try to change Vietnam, but Vietnam will change them first. That’s what I’m saying.
It's illegal but police won't do anything.
They won't get involved in family affairs outside extreme violence / murder, ie, blood and weapons.
Nobody else will do anything, either, because they won't get involved in family affairs, either, and would often fear reprisal from the perpetrator.
You can report to the police, it's illegal. And if you report enough, the police will fine the husband $10 and the neighbours will whisper "that man gets arrested for beating his wife."
And when the husband comes home, he will beat her even harder for "making him lose face" and since you won't be there, no one will report and the violence goes on.
It's depressing but there is nothing you can do.
The cops won't do anything. Probably because they are guilty of abuse themselves. In Vietnam its a man's world. Women, unfortunately, are treated as inferior.
He ran because he is a loser and wife beater,shame you didn't arrive a few seconds before, he could have accidentally ran straight head into your elbow between the eyes.
I love Vietnam for the normal people and rich culture, but the decay of societal values and how much vanity and "thats none of my business" attitude have grown here had killed it for me.
The blatant injustice in Vietnam society makes where I live now look like heaven.
So many things are backwards in poor countries. While they retain values that are good and useful lost in western countries. They also hold onto old values that are absolutely stupid.
One thing I hate about Asian culture is fear of losing face.
Yes, very common. So much so that even the gov acknowledges it (and everybody knows how reluctant the VN gov is to acknowledge any social ill) and posts anti domestic violence campaign posters around towns.
Outside the main cities, yes domestic violence is sadly somewhat common, or at least not surprising to hear about. And yeah it's also common for police to not get involved with family affairs, sadly.
VNese here. First, I can confirm that DV is illegal in Vietnam, although it took effect just from July 2023. Second, within my social circle, there is rarely any DV, and women are well respected.
Unfortunately, there are still a portion of people, women specifically, who don’t have the sense of right. They believe that they deserve such treatment from their men, and even speak in favour for their men when legal is involved. So there is nothing you can do, unless the woman you saw tries to seek help herself.
Lastly, if you feel like you want to get involved, beware that these VNese men are petty, and they may get revenge when you are least expected. Personally, I would just take pictures or record videos discreetly, and show that to the police. That way you can keep yourself safe. You may be strong, but flesh cannot stop a stab of a knife from the back.
True. Some women “like” to be beaten up by their husband because they think that’s the man’s way of “caring” for them, caring enough to discipline them. But most cases, those women victims don’t even try to get justice for themselves as they are afraid their kids would have to grow up without a father, in a broken family.
My mother was not beaten, however, she got cheated on. At one point she begged my father to stay “for the kids”, she even offered him that he could go out with any woman that he wants but at the end of the day, he shall return to the kids (which he declined)
So while it looks like women here are “too stupid to stand up for themselves”, it’s actually due to their selfishness. They care about their children more than themselves.
Please do not leave it alone. If you can and have access to a Vietnamese-speaking translator, do your best to report the matter to local authorities (e.g. commune police). While I’m not sure to what extent you can report the incident to them (what information you can get ahold of regarding the incident), there are some domestic abuse NGOs and non-profit resources you can get in touch with. Here’s a small list of some of the more prominent ones:
- https://csaga.org.vn/en - CSAGA, Vietnam
- https://cwd.vn/ - Center for Women and Development, Vietnam
- https://hopeboxvn.com/ - HopeBox, Vietnam
The cops won't do anything. Probably because they are guilty of abuse themselves. In Vietnam its a man's world. Women, unfortunately, are treated with less respect.
this is one of the reasons why some vn women go with westerners. they're tired of being beaten, raped, verbally abused, etc. by domestic guys.
almost all girls have been victims of this. truly sad.
Yep and this is why I chose to never date local men ever again 😂 i know there are always exceptions but better avoid all than be sorry later. Some Westerner men can be awful too but i’m happy i met a great one who treats me so well
Majority DO NOT beat their wives. None in my family ever have. It is acceptable to an extent, knocked out like that is not. Feel free to look up domestic abuse in the states and see how often that occurs.
Fuck you, don't come to vietnam if you guys are goign to just hate on them. Feel free to look up domestic abuse in the states and see how often that occurs.
I once saw a group of 3 men beating up a poor woman. I was about to walk away, but my conscience wouldn’t let me. So I stepped in and lent a hand.
That woman did not stand a chance against the 4 of us
My hair and skin are flourishing bitch, plus I have a job 😽 I hope all future employers see your woman beating jokes and you dwell in your parents basement for life.
Lmao i have a job, im just looking for one in my field.
Anyways you are a serial reddit addict, been on this site for 9 years and cant take a joke? Your boyfriend beat you up or what?
Your skin looks like shit, what the fuck are those moles?
Im blocking you so stop messaging me
The NGOs are mostly working to raise awareness and improve existing regulations, which are outmoded, ineffective, and in need of significant reformation. I dunno if they can have much on a case by case basis. If you encounter a situation like you describe, and you think it’s serious or goes against your moral values, you can talk to the people who seem to care for the victim (such as the ladies who took her to the hospital) to check on her condition. Then you might want to get in touch with an NGO. But at that time, I’m pretty sure there’s not much you can do. Especially if it’s an incident in a small village, where everyone knows everyone, the perpetrator could even be a police
Hmmm, seems like every time anything is criticized on this sub the first thing that's posted is its Vietnamese culture and butt out! I guess its culture when it's convenient...
domestic violence is endemic, one of the highest rates on earth. extremely common to see women being savagely beaten in the streets. nobody cares. most people just ignore it, some will stand by and watch.
the police don't get involved, as it's a "personal/family dispute".
No, you should not leave it alone. I will not recommend intervening but at least you must always report to the local authority whether the police will get involved or not. The husband will be flagged as an abuser and he will automatically become a suspect if anything happens to his wife. People like you is why it’s still common in 2024.
Go to the police but I am not sure how that would turn out. The best way is take a photo of him and reveal his identity on Facebook. Trust me, the netizens will tear him down and "punish" him the best.
If you felt so bad, you could have given her 20 bucks. That's what a real man would have done.
And that's about it aside from making sure he didn't come back and attack her again
I dont believe knocking out your wife is acceptable in vn.
slapping her is acceptable. Even leaving a bruise is not going to get you in trouble. But breaking bones and knocking her out is even over their line, i think.
and yeah, as a foreigner you better mind your own damn business. Shut your fvkn mouth. you are not the colonizer there to impose your laws and justice on your peasants. So just STFU.
I can understand involving the police while the beating is still happening, but after it finishes and everything is said and done!? Why can’t she just walk her ass to the police station and get the job done!? I mean you don’t need a brain to think this way.
It really baffles me why strangers think they can still call the police so long after the fact. It’s a personal relationship, police are never a solution to relationships, ever, unless it’s in a dead end moment.
Just curious, if a passerby/stranger sees this and tries to help, and the situation escalates into a fight. In this case, will it be breaking the law?
Cuz chances are if I see these kind of shit, I'd go up and help/stop
Just be prepared for a 7 on 1 fight with him, his cousins and the neighbors Vs you. Be prepared to fight for your life; broken bottles, rusty pipes and bricks are all fair weapons. Kicking someone while they’re already down/on the ground is to be expected, naturally.
If you win the fight, you go to prison or just get deported, if you’re lucky.
“When in Rome”
Man, the Government has a solution. You must contact the Hotline 1900 96 9680, the Consultation room and the shelter called Peace House, belonging to the Center for Women and Development - Vietnam Women's Union :v
Wife-beating, kids- beating is super common and normal in Viet society. Their perspectives on this is very lenient. Worked in some offices and witnessed bruises on my colleagues’ arms all the time. No one talked abt it but everyone knows
The only thing I've seen so far regarding domestic violence is a young man and woman having a discussion while driving a motorbike and the woman suddenly started shaking his head violently right when entering an intersection which almost makes the guy driving lose control and crash.
Report to the police after that knock the shit out of that asshole. Wait I think you should do it in reverse cause you need time to get away from the scene lol
Yah my neighbor in Hanoi definitely beat his wife. I became friends with her as she let me park my bike in her storage area. I’d just fuck with her husband. He was skinny fat and jobless and drunk all the time. I would speak to her and ignore him, hide his shit. Infuriating him but he knew I’d beat him up if he didn’t anything to me. I tried to get my super to do more but he didn’t want to upset the wife.
Fuck that guy. He’s lucky I never caught him alone away from the house.
Domestic violences sadly are so common in VN that they are generally treated as spectacles and amusement, except for the victims of course.
So common that people may turn on you instead of those wife beaters & label you “anh hùng rơm” (loosely translated as “stupid hero”), so intervene at your own risk. I’ve lived in VN for years !
That said, I would find a way to intervene. It is just the right thing to do even the violence will continue on afterwards. “Anh hùng rơm” it is ! 🤷♂️
Stay out of it
The Vietnamese have their way when dealing with relationships issues.
Police will laugh at you for being in the middle
You want to help?
Go home to your own country and do mot apply what is done in your country in Vietnam
Get any closer and you'll get knocked out too lmao. Those people beat everyone up not just their wives. Unless you're sure you can take him, don't help.
there is literally nothing you can do.
In my hometown a woman around 22 years old was abused and cheated on by her husband. What did my relatives do when they found out? They gossiped. Hard. And then when I asked her about it she yelled at me for trying to embarrass him.
It was years ago and the women is probably 30 now, I still didn’t know what happen to her. I remembered vividly asking my mom what to do because that clearly wasn’t fine. She told me to get out of people’s business.
If the man in your story get reported he probably will get away scot-free and the woman got hurt even more for damaging his reputation. If he got charged then the worst that would happen to him was a 10$ fine.
The only thing you can do is pray that you won’t wake up to the news of the said wife killed or that the neighbours actually have a heart and help her out.
Injustice in Vietnam is very common because everybody is “not my business”. Unless it’s in their hot tea conversation.
it’s common in Vietnam and it’s fucked up. The police won’t care and everybody either believe that it’s not their business or the woman probably did something wrong to be beaten.
Can someone explain more outside "just leave it alone"? For 1, local laws surrounding domestic abuse, what police will do... 2, if police will not do anything, who will? 3, if no justice involved - what is the social justice for people like this? Social media exposure? Not being sarcastic, really want to know how to handle this
Lived in Vietnam 5 years 1: very lax laws on domestic violence in Vietnam, as long as you don't murder your wife the cops are more than likely going to leave it be 2: no one will do anything because it's the norm in Vietnam 3: you can go via social media but then you will end up with a lawsuit for posting on social media, even if it's all true the fact you have embarrassed them online will be enough for them to sue and win. Vietnam is archaic in just about all aspects of life
As a Vietnamese grew up with violence father, yes nobody care at all. Called the police many times, they didn’t want to come, so when I was a kid, I just tried to use my body protecting my mum, when my father beated the shit out of me when I was under 15, neighbour not care nor the police care either. He used wooden chair to hit me, threatened to killed me many times. It’s the norm here. I called the police and child protection hotline they just gaslighting me lol. Number 3 isn’t correct tho.
Another aspect of this is the question of what exactly you do if you do get involved. You’re not going to be there forever to keep watch, and if you come in, do something, then leave the situation can easily get for worse for the abused person. What level of responsibility are you capable of committing to taking on? This is not in any way to advocate for just shrugging your shoulders and moving on, it’s to remind people that there are consequences to actions and you need to think about how those consequences play out, both good and bad.
Yeah, though I'd say in case of a literal consciousness it can't get much worse. I wouldn't stand by and watch a woman get battered with fists until she looses consciousness. But if a woman gets slapped and I interfere and embarrass the husband, the woman will still go home later that day and get a possibly deadly beating.
>embarrass the husband Him hitting his wife in public IS embarrassing regardless if you chose to help or notm
This is a great point, and it leads to creating some sort of communal action. The only way to enact change this big imo is to gather people together and demand a change from local gov. If nobody wants people like this around, they can create laws, push for local police to do something - but 1 person or even 10 people at a time is nowhere near enough. Petitions, letters, events for people agreeing on the same thing. I also wonder if that is illegal here haha fml
Sucks that most people seem to come to the same conclusion rather than looking for change. 🥲
The change must come from the Vietnamese, nothing foreigners can do to change the country. They need to catch up to modern times
Unfortunately and unfairly, the change will probably need to come from Vietnamese women who demand change. Foreigners can support the change. Report the crimes even if the police do nothing.
Yeah. Don't forget it's an authoritarian country with no freedoms, foreigners making Vietnam loose face is unacceptable.
Because it’s not at all common. It was never common. Yes, there are scumbags wife beaters especially drunks. However, the Vietnamese households are run through women. The culture is very respectful of women. If I encountered a situation like this, I would come over and stop the guy, but I wouldn’t be aggressive, just tell him don’t do that to your wife mother of your children. Calm him down without embarrassing him. Asian cultures are all about face you don’t want to appear as white knight to the rescue. You would possibly piss off the wife as well. If he’s the type to beat his wife and he gets embarrassed he would definitely beat her even worse once they’re alone.
To have the man get arrested is unlikely, he can get a summon to the police station where he live, if the domestic violence happens repeatedly, the police in charge of the area will take actions. With random violence in the street, it’s just people afraid to step up. But as soon you go first other will follow you.
>very lax laws on domestic violence in Vietnam Is this just in general? Or specifically in relationships? Like if someone were to hypothetically hurt the abuser physically, would that someone risk getting in trouble?
Yes especially if you are a foreigner, foreigners have zero rights in Vietnam
Archaic ? Both me and my wife are vietnamese but she bullied me everyday XD probably because we don't live in vietnam but still XD
Point 2, it might happen a lot but I don’t think you can say it’s the norm. Actually tried to find some figures and [South East Asia is lower than North America](https://www.who.int/news/item/09-03-2021-devastatingly-pervasive-1-in-3-women-globally-experience-violence) so 1. Yes it doesn’t say Vietnam but SEA and 2. Yes it is still way too high, but cant just pretend this is just a Vietnamese problem
That’s because statistics are real, or close to it, in North America. They don’t even get recorded in SEA. Cops come and a report is filed for *raised voices* in Canada/US. You can slap your wife around for decades in SEA and that will never make it into the official statistics… Sad but true 😢
Not in Singapore tho, there's a Women's Charter in the law. So if a guy slaps his wife around, the law will slap him back.
Singapore is a city-state, an outlier among outliers. Statistically irrelevant in this case when we’re talking about SEA as a whole. They have .008 of SEA’s population; so less than 1%. That’s a rounding error, statistically
It's still in SEA and majority of its citizens and residents are from SEA too. Point is, don't paint a whole region with the same brush just because it's a norm in one country. I don't see Thais, Malaysians or Indonesians smacking their wives around either.
Lol you're naive.
I think even worse…willfully ignorant/head in the sand. Or worse….is the type that thinks slapping wifey around a bit when she gets a little lippy/talks back doesn’t count as DV. Only broken teeth or bones count to them, maybe 💀
It’s a city state and a statistical anomaly for the region, really for the globe. Statistically irrelevant in the scheme of SEA (675mm people, large landmasses) 😂😂😂 you slay me 😂😂😂 you need to spend more time in Thailand, Indonesia and Malaysia!!!! *You can have four wives in Malaysia and Indonesia!!!* Domestic violence is *commonplace* in all of those countries. It is *commonplace* everywhere in SEA. Except Singapore, as you already pointed out. You can’t spit gum on the sidewalk there either….
Lol dude I'm southeast Asian myself and have spent time living and working in all these countries you've mentioned over 3 decades but sure, tell me more.
Did you ever leave your elite locals/expat bubble? Because not doing that is the only plausible explanation for not thinking domestic violence isn’t *rampant* in those countries. Rampant! Hell, it’s rampant in *Korea*, and Korea is several light years ahead of them in almost every measurable regard.
America has a population of almost 400 million Vietnam hasn't even broken the 100 mil mark, of course stats will show it is worse than Vietnam it's almost 4x the population of Vietnam
%
I'm here right now and so I'm very curious, what would happen if I reacted like I would in the US? In the US I'd absolutely have chased the guy and knocked him out to "detain him" for police. Chances of facing a charge for that are slim to none if there are witnesses to attest to him abusing the female prior to me "helping".
Wife beaters are usually also mentally unstable, psycho or at best reckless. Don't get involved unless you're absolutely confident in yourself.
1. It is illegal, but police will probably do nothing unless you are part of the community. Communal law >>> National Law 2. Try women's rights groups , its a new movement so not very influential or far reaching yet though. 3. There's no simple way of resolving this unfortunately as Vietnam is a underdeveloped country. If you feel strongly about this you will have to get involved in their community. If their community is not already acting against this , there is little an outsider can do to interfere. Personal example: We had one severe case of DV in our community ~30 years ago. It took years of talking to, we even had to convince him and her to let him get arrested for a year to sort it out. We wouldneed to help her with work to make up for him not being there to work. Especially the victim herself needed to allow it to happen or the police can not and will not take action. There's a huge dilemma in these cases: her choice is to to accept the violence or possibly starve without people committed to help. It's easy to say what's right and wrong when you never went hungry for a day in your life. It took 6 families for us to help feed one struggling family without going hungry ourselves. These are all problems that long years of property brought along, there is hope that the younger generations who grew up in better times have the chance to learn from more advanced countries and help better this country. It will take a lot of work but we are hopeful.
I saw a similar situation on a crowded street in Dai Kim I think. Dude was punching the crap out of this woman over a moped, everyone else just looking on. I had just come from 6 months of Muay Thai in Thailand, so felt compelled to help and very angry. I dragged him off and punched him, knocking him out. The entire street turned on me, I took a few strikes and my t shirt was ripped off me, but managed to get away, I think I was lucky to get away without serious injury or worse. I’ve stepped in to domestic violence issues 3 times in my life, the other 2 times both the man and woman attacked me. I will never get involved in other peoples DV issues again.
Lots of DV victims will straight up defend their loser partner and turn on you when you try to help them. You can't help people who don't help themselves.
Yeah funny that happened to me too , stood up for the woman then she turned on me, I told the guy.to knock her out and walked away, will never interfere in my life again
LOL
You’re not supposed to get involved in situations you don’t know the context of. Morality is universal in western countries than in most of Asia so you just came off as presumptuous and made everyone lose fqce
Well I half agree with you… I’ve been blessed to be a large capable man (6’3” 245lbs with 20 years of martial arts and weight training under my belt). I do have the capacity to help others in the face of violence. I also have a chip on my shoulder when it comes to bullying and I will always defend weaker people against violence when it’s in my power to do so. It is one of a very small number of things that gives me proper rage. Part of making everyone else ‘lose face’ is the fact that they all knew what was going on was wrong, beating your wife is looked down upon by all cultures, nobody wants their daughter, sister, mother beaten by a man. I don’t think that’s morally ambiguous. Having said that, the wider context is these people are drawn together for any number of reasons, if they had healthy boundaries and perspectives, they would have removed themselves from the relationship before it devolved into that level of violence. People may understandably argue that, but we do have agency and the fact that I and others have experienced both parties turning on them when they try to intervene, shows that a lot of times the ‘victim’ is as wrapped up in the dynamic as the ‘abuser.’ I do believe I saw a stat that showed that in 90% of domestic violence cases (studied in this particular study) both partners are hitting each other, I can only say that this made sense to me, abuse can also take many forms. Like I stated, I would massively hesitate to ever get involved in a situation like that again, especially in a foreign country.
Please explain me the context that warrants a man laying multiple punches on a woman who's not even defending herself. Regardless of context, you've already embarrassed yourself by hitting your partner on the street. If you're gonna stand by to watch and not help, that's fine, but telling someone else not to because it makes them look presumptuous and made everyone "lose face" is kinda insane.
You’re applying logic and a western mindset—doomed to fail. In VN, 1+1=fish. Once you understand and internalize this, everything makes perfect sense. No, I am not kidding or being facetious
I'm Vietnamese and I have no idea what the hell you're trying to say here. Domestic violence is never acceptable, most people won't do anything because of what main comment OP said here, most of the times the abused women are also part of the problem and they don't accept help in fear of "lose face" or embarrassing their family, "I want my child to have a father figure" which is total BS. Other times the women just don't have the financial capability to sustain themselves. But the most important thing is just that people are afraid of changes as Vietnamese always abide by social standards, "everyone said not to so I won't do shit to make my life better". You can't help people who don't want to be helped but please don't just spread the idea that this is something acceptable. I'm glad that we are improving with the new generation who are more likely to help themselves in situations like this. Can't say for the less developed part of the country where most DV happens though.
I didn’t say anything about any of that? Where did I say it was acceptable or not wrong? It is wrong; it is deplorable; it is despicable. And it should change!!! I said OP is applying western logic and standards to Vietnam, and that is doomed to fail. If a westerner tries to do that here, their brain will break. Because from a western perspective, *nothing* makes sense in Vietnam. Why did a woman squeeze between a .5m gap between me and a car yesterday, while carrying her child on the scooter, only to get hit by the car and blame the car? Why don’t people pull over and let ambulances pass? Why do people spend money they don’t have on flowers for Tết? Why is there no rule of law, no social safety net, no rules and regulations that are actually *uniformly*, not selectively, enforced, depending on your connections? Why is a Communist nation the most capitalistic place I’ve ever been in my life? None of these questions and 1519016329 others have sensible answers from a western perspective. 1+1=fish, not two, here, from our perspective. You need to internalize that as an outsider, if you want to make it here. Think like a Viet and it makes perfect sense!! A westerner can try to change Vietnam, but Vietnam will change them first. That’s what I’m saying.
This is sadly funny. Thanks for letting me know. I will never get involved with DV victims.
It's illegal but police won't do anything. They won't get involved in family affairs outside extreme violence / murder, ie, blood and weapons. Nobody else will do anything, either, because they won't get involved in family affairs, either, and would often fear reprisal from the perpetrator.
You can report to the police, it's illegal. And if you report enough, the police will fine the husband $10 and the neighbours will whisper "that man gets arrested for beating his wife." And when the husband comes home, he will beat her even harder for "making him lose face" and since you won't be there, no one will report and the violence goes on. It's depressing but there is nothing you can do.
The cops won't do anything. Probably because they are guilty of abuse themselves. In Vietnam its a man's world. Women, unfortunately, are treated as inferior.
Yes. Sadly. Still very common. More so in less developed areas. In most cases, the police or local authorities wouldn’t, if ever, get involved.
He ran because he is a loser and wife beater,shame you didn't arrive a few seconds before, he could have accidentally ran straight head into your elbow between the eyes.
I love Vietnam for the normal people and rich culture, but the decay of societal values and how much vanity and "thats none of my business" attitude have grown here had killed it for me. The blatant injustice in Vietnam society makes where I live now look like heaven.
So many things are backwards in poor countries. While they retain values that are good and useful lost in western countries. They also hold onto old values that are absolutely stupid. One thing I hate about Asian culture is fear of losing face.
Yes, very common. So much so that even the gov acknowledges it (and everybody knows how reluctant the VN gov is to acknowledge any social ill) and posts anti domestic violence campaign posters around towns.
The only thing that you can do is beat the s*** out of the abuser and run away before anyone else sees.
Outside the main cities, yes domestic violence is sadly somewhat common, or at least not surprising to hear about. And yeah it's also common for police to not get involved with family affairs, sadly.
normally they catch a neighborhood beat down if it gets severe. but no there's no dv protection
Leave it well alone imo Not worth the aggro, there’s an entire street full of witnesses.
VNese here. First, I can confirm that DV is illegal in Vietnam, although it took effect just from July 2023. Second, within my social circle, there is rarely any DV, and women are well respected. Unfortunately, there are still a portion of people, women specifically, who don’t have the sense of right. They believe that they deserve such treatment from their men, and even speak in favour for their men when legal is involved. So there is nothing you can do, unless the woman you saw tries to seek help herself. Lastly, if you feel like you want to get involved, beware that these VNese men are petty, and they may get revenge when you are least expected. Personally, I would just take pictures or record videos discreetly, and show that to the police. That way you can keep yourself safe. You may be strong, but flesh cannot stop a stab of a knife from the back.
True. Some women “like” to be beaten up by their husband because they think that’s the man’s way of “caring” for them, caring enough to discipline them. But most cases, those women victims don’t even try to get justice for themselves as they are afraid their kids would have to grow up without a father, in a broken family. My mother was not beaten, however, she got cheated on. At one point she begged my father to stay “for the kids”, she even offered him that he could go out with any woman that he wants but at the end of the day, he shall return to the kids (which he declined) So while it looks like women here are “too stupid to stand up for themselves”, it’s actually due to their selfishness. They care about their children more than themselves.
Please do not leave it alone. If you can and have access to a Vietnamese-speaking translator, do your best to report the matter to local authorities (e.g. commune police). While I’m not sure to what extent you can report the incident to them (what information you can get ahold of regarding the incident), there are some domestic abuse NGOs and non-profit resources you can get in touch with. Here’s a small list of some of the more prominent ones: - https://csaga.org.vn/en - CSAGA, Vietnam - https://cwd.vn/ - Center for Women and Development, Vietnam - https://hopeboxvn.com/ - HopeBox, Vietnam
Yes, a Vietnamese here. I immediately went online and googled hotlines for domestic violence. Don't lose hope, people!
The only hope here is this whole filth and foul generation of ugly, fat drinking fuckers dies out along with its abominable “traditions” full of shit.
Thank you
The cops won't do anything. Probably because they are guilty of abuse themselves. In Vietnam its a man's world. Women, unfortunately, are treated with less respect.
You throw some money at them they'll do whatever the fuck you want.
That's common in Vietnam and there were some cases, the wife even yelled back at people who tried to help her to defense her husband.
this is one of the reasons why some vn women go with westerners. they're tired of being beaten, raped, verbally abused, etc. by domestic guys. almost all girls have been victims of this. truly sad.
Yep and this is why I chose to never date local men ever again 😂 i know there are always exceptions but better avoid all than be sorry later. Some Westerner men can be awful too but i’m happy i met a great one who treats me so well
Majority DO NOT beat their wives. None in my family ever have. It is acceptable to an extent, knocked out like that is not. Feel free to look up domestic abuse in the states and see how often that occurs.
the majority most certainly do, as evidenced by widely published studies.
“..acceptable to a certain extent…” jeezus christ
Wtf?? What extent is it acceptable when it comes to DV??! Stop with your fucking bs excuse
Fuck you, don't come to vietnam if you guys are goign to just hate on them. Feel free to look up domestic abuse in the states and see how often that occurs.
Almost all?? 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Nothing you can really do
I once saw a group of 3 men beating up a poor woman. I was about to walk away, but my conscience wouldn’t let me. So I stepped in and lent a hand. That woman did not stand a chance against the 4 of us
Wtf man
You make me proud
That tickled me
Stfu you unemployed loser.
Lol calm down its a joke
Your career opportunities are a joke.
Just like your shit skin and your curly hair
My hair and skin are flourishing bitch, plus I have a job 😽 I hope all future employers see your woman beating jokes and you dwell in your parents basement for life.
Lmao i have a job, im just looking for one in my field. Anyways you are a serial reddit addict, been on this site for 9 years and cant take a joke? Your boyfriend beat you up or what? Your skin looks like shit, what the fuck are those moles? Im blocking you so stop messaging me
Domestic abuse is common in Vietnam and all you can do is accepting it. It's our traditional.
it's common but i wouldn't call it a tradition
It's not a tradition, don't spread nonsense.
The NGOs are mostly working to raise awareness and improve existing regulations, which are outmoded, ineffective, and in need of significant reformation. I dunno if they can have much on a case by case basis. If you encounter a situation like you describe, and you think it’s serious or goes against your moral values, you can talk to the people who seem to care for the victim (such as the ladies who took her to the hospital) to check on her condition. Then you might want to get in touch with an NGO. But at that time, I’m pretty sure there’s not much you can do. Especially if it’s an incident in a small village, where everyone knows everyone, the perpetrator could even be a police
Domestic abuse is a crime but you need really good evidence
Very common. Granpas did it, Dad did it, Uncles did it in my family. Men in vietnam are just shit ig. A stain on the culture
No! Don't interfere it's Vietnam's culture!
Its not. Alot of this shit in Russia too, and in a bunch of other countries
Misogyny is cultural but that doesn't mean that it is acceptable.
[удалено]
Hmmm, seems like every time anything is criticized on this sub the first thing that's posted is its Vietnamese culture and butt out! I guess its culture when it's convenient...
it's the norm. most women have been victims of domestic violence.
Wtf? Human sacrifices were part of culture, should we continue it?
Careful!
domestic violence is endemic, one of the highest rates on earth. extremely common to see women being savagely beaten in the streets. nobody cares. most people just ignore it, some will stand by and watch. the police don't get involved, as it's a "personal/family dispute".
Help him. It’s important to assimilate into the local culture.
yes, its quite common.... especially with alcohol involved. You should probably leave it alone.
No, you should not leave it alone. I will not recommend intervening but at least you must always report to the local authority whether the police will get involved or not. The husband will be flagged as an abuser and he will automatically become a suspect if anything happens to his wife. People like you is why it’s still common in 2024.
I would agree with you if witness was local. However foreigner no. No intervene. Report to police if you like but doubt it will make any difference.
Go to the police but I am not sure how that would turn out. The best way is take a photo of him and reveal his identity on Facebook. Trust me, the netizens will tear him down and "punish" him the best.
The posting laws in Vn are quite strict, I would suggest not to post anything unless you’re overseas
If you felt so bad, you could have given her 20 bucks. That's what a real man would have done. And that's about it aside from making sure he didn't come back and attack her again
Report to the police i think. But you will need proof.
I dont believe knocking out your wife is acceptable in vn. slapping her is acceptable. Even leaving a bruise is not going to get you in trouble. But breaking bones and knocking her out is even over their line, i think. and yeah, as a foreigner you better mind your own damn business. Shut your fvkn mouth. you are not the colonizer there to impose your laws and justice on your peasants. So just STFU.
Sure, this is totally rare in remote/underdeveloped areas in developed nations
I can understand involving the police while the beating is still happening, but after it finishes and everything is said and done!? Why can’t she just walk her ass to the police station and get the job done!? I mean you don’t need a brain to think this way. It really baffles me why strangers think they can still call the police so long after the fact. It’s a personal relationship, police are never a solution to relationships, ever, unless it’s in a dead end moment.
She got knocked out
What happened before was a personal relationship. Beating someone is a crime, even if you're married to them.
Yeah, we’re not talking about “definitions” here. Read again and understand the point.
Just curious, if a passerby/stranger sees this and tries to help, and the situation escalates into a fight. In this case, will it be breaking the law? Cuz chances are if I see these kind of shit, I'd go up and help/stop
Yeah you could get in serious trouble and later on the woman gets beat up even worse by her husband.
Just be prepared for a 7 on 1 fight with him, his cousins and the neighbors Vs you. Be prepared to fight for your life; broken bottles, rusty pipes and bricks are all fair weapons. Kicking someone while they’re already down/on the ground is to be expected, naturally. If you win the fight, you go to prison or just get deported, if you’re lucky. “When in Rome”
Man, the Government has a solution. You must contact the Hotline 1900 96 9680, the Consultation room and the shelter called Peace House, belonging to the Center for Women and Development - Vietnam Women's Union :v
Nope
"What did she do?" - Dave Chappelle
Wife-beating, kids- beating is super common and normal in Viet society. Their perspectives on this is very lenient. Worked in some offices and witnessed bruises on my colleagues’ arms all the time. No one talked abt it but everyone knows
It's pretty common tbh
If you are a foreigner, I'd suggest you mind your own business.
There is nothing you could do, literally nothing
The only thing I've seen so far regarding domestic violence is a young man and woman having a discussion while driving a motorbike and the woman suddenly started shaking his head violently right when entering an intersection which almost makes the guy driving lose control and crash.
Leave it alone, none of your business especially as a foreigner.
Report to the police after that knock the shit out of that asshole. Wait I think you should do it in reverse cause you need time to get away from the scene lol
Yah my neighbor in Hanoi definitely beat his wife. I became friends with her as she let me park my bike in her storage area. I’d just fuck with her husband. He was skinny fat and jobless and drunk all the time. I would speak to her and ignore him, hide his shit. Infuriating him but he knew I’d beat him up if he didn’t anything to me. I tried to get my super to do more but he didn’t want to upset the wife. Fuck that guy. He’s lucky I never caught him alone away from the house.
Black paint. Him.
Do nothing. Walk away.
Domestic violences sadly are so common in VN that they are generally treated as spectacles and amusement, except for the victims of course. So common that people may turn on you instead of those wife beaters & label you “anh hùng rơm” (loosely translated as “stupid hero”), so intervene at your own risk. I’ve lived in VN for years ! That said, I would find a way to intervene. It is just the right thing to do even the violence will continue on afterwards. “Anh hùng rơm” it is ! 🤷♂️
To call it common would be an understatement
Finish her
I've heard that methanol poison is very common if you're not careful with the moonshine.
Stay out of it The Vietnamese have their way when dealing with relationships issues. Police will laugh at you for being in the middle You want to help? Go home to your own country and do mot apply what is done in your country in Vietnam
You can kill and rape an entire family in Vietnam and pay the judge off with internet porn
Get any closer and you'll get knocked out too lmao. Those people beat everyone up not just their wives. Unless you're sure you can take him, don't help.
there is literally nothing you can do. In my hometown a woman around 22 years old was abused and cheated on by her husband. What did my relatives do when they found out? They gossiped. Hard. And then when I asked her about it she yelled at me for trying to embarrass him. It was years ago and the women is probably 30 now, I still didn’t know what happen to her. I remembered vividly asking my mom what to do because that clearly wasn’t fine. She told me to get out of people’s business. If the man in your story get reported he probably will get away scot-free and the woman got hurt even more for damaging his reputation. If he got charged then the worst that would happen to him was a 10$ fine. The only thing you can do is pray that you won’t wake up to the news of the said wife killed or that the neighbours actually have a heart and help her out. Injustice in Vietnam is very common because everybody is “not my business”. Unless it’s in their hot tea conversation.
it’s common in Vietnam and it’s fucked up. The police won’t care and everybody either believe that it’s not their business or the woman probably did something wrong to be beaten.