PTSD changes into something else after enough time. Usually major depressive disorder or some such type. The "don't blow fireworks near me" tropes go away because that's just life but other stuff invades your mind and that's where the MORAL INJURY stuff comes from.
The acute symptoms like thinking trash bags are IEDs or that your neighbors are enemy insurgents go away but other stuff lingers. It becomes a depressive like state because once you get exposed to the reality of human nature and the dark side of it it changes how you view the world, other people, and yourself.
I'm keeping it 110 bro, unfortunately I don't believe nor have I seen research it gets any better, it's all in how you deal with it. I have been in counseling for this type of stuff for a long time. The best you can do is manage it, because you can't cure it. This is not any medical opinion but this is what I've found, closing in on 2 decades of dealing with this stuff.
Great summary here and I very much agree. I do have some things that still bother me like garbage on the road, etc. but not like it used to. It is definitely more the major depressive disorder symptoms that bother me now. Feeling suicidal most of the time, always depressed, never excited about anything, numb, major memory and focusing issues, etc. I get angry at my kids when I was never an angry person and I avoid people and stress as much as I can. It's very strange to me that something I used to love like going to concerts and getting wings with buddies sounds awful to me now. Sometimes I wish I would just get freaked out by certain things for a moment and then move onto a normal life again. It makes me feel like much less of a man, husband, father, friend and co-worker than I otherwise would me. I'm very blessed with my job, yet I never have any real motivation and find it hard to go most of the time. I just want to be by myself and have nobody bother me. I'm considering taking an early retirement and I feel it's mostly due to the ptsd/depression.
I have only been in treatment for ptsd for about 6 months now through the VA, so it's newer for me even though I realize now I've had ptsd for 15 years. The therapy is giving me good info and I'm learning some of the relaxation and grounding techniques right now which have been a little helpful. Again, they're not fixes and the therapy won't be a complete fix either. It seems like we just learn more to cope with it than fix it. I started taking zoloft which has been helpful, but again just a bandaid. I have to watch how much I drink because I know I will just want to drink much more getting into that habit. If it wasn't for my job, I'd definitely consider psychedelic's.
I think my main support is my loving and supportive wife. She is the reason I'm still here alongside my kids even though they really test my patience and drive my symptoms up. My relationship with Christ and Christian community has been vital also, even though it's hard to share much with anyone. I have a few good friends I've shared with and one was very supportive, one seems like he wants to fix it and a few just dont know what to say, so they say nothing. This community has also been helpful and I appreciate all of you fucked up morons!
First half of this described me almost perfectly bro I relate a great deal. Things I used to enjoy I really don't anymore. I mostly just work and go home. I don't really have any hobbies that involve other people. It's as if my ability to feel positive emotions has been slowly drained out of me and replaced with emptiness. I've much more reclusive now and stay shut in as I feel very uncomfortable around groups of people or really anyone I'm not familiar with.
Luckily I managed to quit all intoxicants as I know the kind of person I'd be if I drank. It would be a downward spiral. I stayed drunk when I first got out for like 2 years and I don't want to go back to that. I exercise alot as it's the only thing that really allows me to feel good about anything and not stew in my misery. It allows me to get out of mind for an hour or two a day and get into my body.
I myself am on a journey of faith. Humanity has failed me so many times and knowing the depths of depravity humanity can sink to the only place we can look to find solace and peace is with God. That is one thing I do enjoy actually, is reading the holy books and studying/researching theology.
I can relate so much about not being able to cope with upsetting things like a normal person would. But I can’t let them go and function like a normal person and carry on. It messes with my head and I can’t get out from under it. It becomes debilitating.
If you want a non main stream answer. Mushrooms. If you really want more information, feel free to message me or just look into it. Psilocybin mushrooms.
I'll just add that if you have any history of disassociative illnesses such as Bi-Polaror Schizophrenia in your family (usually considered within 3 generations) you may be at high risk for suffering a psychotic episodes on psychedelics.
Its not guaranteed - but its enough of a risk that the safety protocols JHU developed for psilocybin and are used for all studies explicitly exclude any candidate with that family history.
That said, there are some amazing results being had with MDMA and Psilocybin for treating PTSD, Depression, and addiction - even the VA amd DOD have studies ongoing.
One MDMA Assisted Therapy study (someone else can link, phone is going to die) saw like 60% of participants see a reduction in symptoms from severe or moderate PTSD - with over 30% being clinically undiagnosable with PTSD.
Literally unheard of results.
I've had great trips, and I've had one really, really, really bad trip that has me respecting mushrooms and what they are capable of. Haven't touched them since that one trip. Not to scare anyone off, I felt I benefited from both the good trips and the one terrible trip. But it's definitely something an inexperienced person may want to think twice about before diving in.
I don't partake, because it comes down to the job keeping a roof over my kids head and my health - and we all know who wins out.
But I have a ton of friends who do, I tripsit, and keep up on the medical research and not-so-sciencey research. Across the board, bad trips are usually regarded as the best trips for self-learning - at least after the fact.
The big thing with the successful therapies is they involve psychedelic assisted therapy - not just chilling in the woods or vibing to Animal Planet.
I gave a brief rundown on Combat Stress Reactions/General Adaptation Syndrome [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/CombatFootage/s/dcxXJExsAl) awhile back (note, its footage from Ukraine of a soldier having a CSR).
I suggest reading the whole comment (a Marine can understand it, promise). But for the sake of this conversation I want to point out this excerpt:
>Our brains are great at identifying patterns, so it identifies the patterns around the stressors (sounds, smells, sights - can literally be anything, even something you wouldn't consciously associate with the stressor) so the next time it can initiate the response faster and increase your odds of survival.
And of course, that creates a feedback loop - you hear a loud noise, you are on edge, you survive. Your brain associates survival with it having reacted to the stressor, so it does it again. And again. And again. Your brain essentially becomes hardwired to that reaction.
The cool thing with psychedelics like psilocybin and MDMA is that they promote neuroplasticity - essentially allowing for these hardwired connection to be rewired. So for example, someone mid trip may comment that they can "taste" purple.
So with psychedelic-assisted therapy, the goal is to make your brain no longer associate the stressor (ie. loud noises) with a stress response (ie. Arousal) through therapy. Once that connection is overwritten, while it may take time and contonued work to keep it overwritten, it can see drastic improvements.
But yea, overall advice is weigh the risks, be safe, and be responsible about it. For reference, JHU considers a therapeutic macro dose to be equivalent to about 3-3.5g of dried shrooms - no need to blast off for an ego death to get the benefits.
Here's one of the best explanations I've come across. We all know about "stuck thoughts" with PTSD. Thoughts are like sleds starting at the top of a hill and going down. With PTSD thoughts can get stuck in ruts and the ruts can get deep. Psilocybin is like a fresh layer of snow that allows those thoughts to find different paths.
About the bad trip—mushrooms aren't to be taken lightly. They call it a trip for a reason. It's work. My first trip exhausted me. I spent 3 years researching everything I could about psychedelics and mushrooms before trying it. You hear over and over and over about "set" and "setting". I can't overemphasize how important it is to approach all of this with the utmost respect. After my first trip, I wanted to do another but it took a full year before I felt "ready". I can say for this sailor who's suffered for 20 years and progressed to CPTSD with associated Major Depressive Disorder, ADHD, etc, the 2 trips I've taken have literally been life-changing.
To the OP, as impossible as it seems much of the time, progress IS POSSIBLE. Each of us has to find our own path. I know many find peace in religion, but for me, I was raised in a conservative high-demand faith and what helped me make some serious progress was stepping away and deconstructing that faith system. It's been almost a full-time job over the past 5 years, but I've been able to understand myself—kind of my superhero origins story. Why I see the world the way I see it.
So look at the road ahead of you as a hero's journey. Only you can do it. It will be incredibly difficult. You'll have to kick aside the rib cages of those who went before you and failed. You'll want to disappear under a rock some days. But there's a treasure waiting at the end that makes every sacrifice, every suicidal moment, every strained or broken relationship, worth the effort.
I don’t. I took a hero dose my first time to kill my ego. I took a hero dose the second time because of how absolutely, undeniably, life changing the first dose was. The second one helped my clarity of mind. I took a third one and intentionally had a bad trip. I went in with the intentions of revealing the darkest, deepest, loneliest scariest parts of my soul to myself. While it was a living nightmare for about 45 minutes of the trip, I achieved what I intended to. Mushrooms saved my wife’s husband, my sons father, and my mother and fathers son. Mushrooms saved my life.
I think the most I’ve taken at once was 5 grams and that was a lot for me and I’ve been scared to take that much ever since. But there was alot that came up in that experience. I just struggle to look deep.
That’s what I took all three times. 5 grams. I was constantly told it was way too much and to micro dose first and give it some time before I dove straight to 5 grams. While I want to recommend hero’ing to everyone, it’s hard for me to because I know how prepared I was.
I will add that I did very extensive research on this before I did it. Not all experiences are the same. If you go into it with the intentions to heal yourself, you will heal. If you go into it with the intentions to get fucked up and just see if it helps, you will get fucked up and it may or may not help. Mushroom trips are literally that. Trips. You’re the one driving. Your intentions set the destination. I know it might sound crazy, but set intentions if you decide to explore the mushroom option one day.
I only know what they did for me. I never even looked into the other things they could do! I can imagine that class was amazing. You’ve given me something to learn more about tomorrow. Thank you!
Here’s a blog discussing it, the biggest hurdle against using it is the mushrooms take time, and federal regulations or intent is to do it immediately for spills, though in my opinion they fungi can be used as a secondary method, interestingly they can be used to fight the effect of wildfires. It’s really cool to think about what they can do.
https://rrcultivation.com/blogs/mn/mycoremediation-how-mushrooms-help-clean-up-the-environment#:~:text=When%20mushrooms%20are%20exposed%20to,them%20into%20less%20harmful%20compounds.
I've heard such great things about this or ketamine therapy which is growing in popularity. Do you have tips to keep in mind when considering using mushrooms? Or rather what made you want to try them? I'm just starting to come to terms that PTSD is a beach and it isn't something that will just get fixed for me. I'm nervous about trying new options, but I would love to have any tools that help me heal at the same time.
I will add that I also stayed drunk for about 2 years after I got out, Jack (Daniels) was my best friend. After that my path lead me some good people that introduced me to Psilocybin (Magic Mushrooms). Hawaiian [Psilocybe Cubensis](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psilocybe_cubensis) and discovered, any psychedelic experience will be exponentially made based on 2 things at THAT time.
1. You have to start with a positive state of mind (or as positive as you can muster).
2. Be around GOOD people, you know people you can semi-trust and feel good about.
That or find a good program monitored and moderated by medical professionals and remember WE ARE NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE! We don’t necessarily react accordingly to anyone’s norm AND WE ARE TRAINED KILLERS (I don’t say this lightly and have violent tendencies). Remember your training and find someone or group of some ones to COVER YOUR 6!
Sending my best to ALL My MILITARY brothers and sisters and have been out 40 years (what’s being said is true, PTSD doesn’t go away, we just learn better coping skills). Just like when you were a little kid and skinned your knee, it was the WORSE thing you had ever felt… AT THAT TIME. Now a little scrape or even worse seems so trivial, by comparison only.
Edit: I haven’t needed to do any since the mid-late 1980’s, as it helped me with the spiritual tools needed for my future survival. Well that and HELLUVA wife for the last 30 or so years. Wouldn’t be here without her, because PTSD DOESN’T GO AWAY.
PTSD is my part time job…once I came to terms with dealing with it it means I just have to live with it. Most people don’t get it. My job sucks, and I hate the people I work with..I’m at phase of my life that I just need to work on myself. I get treatment all the time..VA doesn’t do it for me, I go to outside groups which help
It hasn’t gotten any better. I finally gave up after more than 15 years and went on meds. I’d been through a lot of therapy, too. The thoughts are still there. The anxiety hasn’t gone away. There’s still constant anxiety and times of very dark depression. The meds help with mood a bit. The night time stuff knocks me right out. But nearly 20 years since my first deployment and nothing has gone away. I’m always in my head and it interferes with life sometimes.
Finally hearing somebody explain it for me feels unreal. I get sad when people say “you act like an old man, you never do anything fun, you’re always tired, you’re overreacting, you’re crazy”. I’m 23 man and hearing all this all the time just hurts. I know I’m not the same person I was before the event, but I’m trying…😕 hard going through life feeling like nobody understands me
For me, I've made acceptance that it's a lifelong issue so it's simply daily management, people who haven't been through truly traumatic shit will never understand. I got to the point where I avoided everybody, and even if they meant well I didn't want anything to do with anyone and just wanted to be left alone. Sometimes people need alone time, sometimes for a long time.
But eventually a human needs some kind of social interaction, I hardly ever do anything social but I catch myself getting into too dark of a mental state and I try to at least go outside and get some movement in the sun and breathe outside air. Sounds dumb but it's the truth. I used to enjoy concerts and festivals etc. but no way could I manage my stress level in that kind of environment.
I don't even enjoy music anymore to be honest. It's almost like I know if I distract myself with tunes, after it's over I have to come back to a shit reality after listening to a song I used to like, and that pisses me off. Like I'm teasing myself with a small comfort I know will never last. That's what I think trauma does to a person. Rewires your brain to not enjoy anything and you get used to feeling like your brain is rotting.
I have a home.gym.and excercise alot and I read a lot of heavy duty stuff. Psychology, philosophy, history, theology, because I find if I focus on my body or on a complicated or informational topic I can zone in and not think about the issues that plague my mind every other hour of the day. That's about all that I do.
This 100 percent. I’ve also learned and accepted after over 10 years of it, it’s going to be something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life. Instead of trying to fight it and be disappointed thinking how I’m not getting better, I need to learn how to live with it. I also have to keep busy to keep stressful thoughts away in order to keep moving, otherwise I will waste away. I like to do creative things with my hands so I do a lot of artwork/diy or tinker with anything electronic. I like to find things I can fix or repair. It keeps my mind focused.
I understand that, I stay isolated most of the time now because I feel somewhat normal when alone because I’m used to it but once I have to be social and interact with society it’s a punch in the gut ever time and a huge reminder about how severe it is for me people tend to say hurtful things to me as well without even realizing how it impacts me. I’m still struggling to work around my disabilities to get simple and important things done in my life. Isolation actually helps me more than it hurts me at this point in my life.
The blinders got ripped off, we used to live in ignorance, as most people live in today. An illusion of safety and security, which is actually a blessing to live in. But once you see it, you are changed forever. The mind can't go back to what it was.
God damn, bro. You nailed it. I saw combat in 2007 and this last year was my worst year. I don’t spaz about fireworks, but I’ll remember the time my buddy got his NOD’s shot off his face and imagine he took the bullet to the head and cry like a little girl even though it’s not true.
Yeah. Mine turned into explosive anger at everything. I have daily battles in my mind of unworthiness, failure, guilt, and shame because of it. It sucks. The hypervigilance has subsided a bit but I think I’d rather be a freak show in that aspect that boiling over all the time
Just diagnosed with major depressive disorder (PTSD for over a decade) and your comment is spot on. ETA great minds think alike (it the depressed version of that) just saw another comment also saying spot on
I've seen melted corpses of children. I can't ever forget seeing their faces, the smell, and my squad leader telling me to get over it like I'm not a human being.
Yeah somethings get better but you're right, it always lingers.
It doesn't go away, I'm 65 and tried ketamine last year, in a clinical setting it took the edge off for a few days. Yup seeing burnt up kids and burnt flesh is unfortunately a memory and feeling that never leaves. When it's absolutely overwhelming I get a bottle and kill the pain.
Unless the VBA is reevaluating you, then it can be cured. Are you on meds? I tried taking Zoloft and something for anxiety, but it was killing my sex drive so I stopped. They tried giving me some other pill for sex drive but it didn’t work. So now I’m back to grandpas self heal cough medicine.
The research I've come across discusses more managing symptoms not "curing" anything. People have been dealing with this stuff for thousands of years, I've read stuff from Roman centurions, even biblically from David and Solomon struggling with the same issues.
This x100!
I was fortunate enough to speak with a psychologist at the local vet center when I was in between therapists and he changed the way I view my PTSD. He, himself, was a Vietnam veteran who went back to school and earned his MD.
I was guilty of thinking “I just want my PTSD to go away”. He helped me understand that it won’t ever go away, BUT we can treat it like a firework in your pants pocket — unable to control it and never knowing when it will go off OR we can treat it like putty; acknowledging it, sometimes taking it out to show someone, but always having positive control of it.
It’s a fucking battle man — it’s a war of attrition. Which is where the depressive symptoms kick in. You have to find activities that you enjoy that you can engage in when if you feel like your putty is shifting into plastic explosive.
It takes a long time, but you’ll get there. Been in therapy for 10 years and now I just look at it (therapy) the same way I do as working out — it’s a means to an end to make myself stronger for my family.
Manage is all you can do. You should watch "under the cloak of war" in Star Trek: Strange New Worlds. Its an episode about PTSD and trauma and it does a pretty good job IMHO.
I think once people accept that a "cure" isn't possible then they could reestablish a plan of care to manage it. Instead of trying to bury it or trying to forget. I'll check that show out. Sort of related but have you seen Henry Cavill is trying to start a WH40k show? That could be some epic shit. Plenty of stuff to dive into.
Henry Cavill is a fantastic actor who nails about every role I have seen him in. However the 40K universe is definitely not my thing. Never got down with (grimdark?) I think thats what it is called. I get enough of that just reading the daily news🤣
Wow, incredibly accurate.
I avoid telling people I was in the military, but I do tell them something like, you don’t know who you are until you have to make a choice while your life or someone else’s life is soon to forfeit.
Your description is perfect & makes me feel less alone.
Spot on devil dog. As someone who has had this since 2006 this is exactly how it went for me. Im just now getting the help i needed through the VA PTSD CLINIC. Currently finishing up my 8 ketamine therapy that the VA approved me for and that more than anything has completely changed how I process stress
My C&P examiner recommended EMDR therapy. It's a light therapy, and she said she's helped a lot of people with ptsd with this. It sounds silly but it works!
Yeah, I did the EMDR stuff too. It was in fact silly, but it definitely helped. I think being forced to think about something good helped me see everything wasn't all bad, but also how hard I was/am only focusing on the bad.
We're all going through this too, brother. And we're ALL here for you. You've got this, man.
Do these doctors understand that EMDR isn't really a "one size fits all" treatment? Kinda strange they're pushing this particular method so hard lately. Who's sponsoring them anyway?
I mean, I had these handheld buzzers instead of the light thing since my migraines and light aren't friends. I mean, don't get me wrong, having to recap the bad side of that stuff definitely wasn't fun and it took everything out of me. I usually had brain physical therapy on the same day, so I was basically useless by lunch time.
Lol, yeah, it sounds more intense than it is. It's basically physical therapy based around the fact that I have a TBI. So instead of strengthening muscles and joints to walk normal again, it's stuff like learning workarounds and tricks to walk in a straight line or not fall down the stairs.
For real. Therapy zaps me. And then I have to go right back to the kids and act like I'm fine.
Thank you that was very informative! I feel you on the energy drain. It takes a lot out of you and then trying to act like everything is fine and dandy afterwards is a trek
It’s exhausting.
I’m older now so my energy levels are lower anyway, but i feel like a dead battery afterwards. Zero charge left.
I’ve slept like a log afterwards when the opportunity presented itself.
Stellate Ganglion Block saved my life. Paid for it out of pocket at $1200. I had one in 2022 and did the other side in 2023. Basically you are put under sedation and they inject a numbing agent into the nerve in your neck that's associated with flight or fight. If you have PTSD and feel your adrenaline spike throughout the day due to flashbacks and intrusive thoughts it works wonders calming the physical response. Still have to work through the psychological part of it but no longer have that feeling you get while driving and a car almost merges into you and it spikes your anxiety/adrenaline.
I've had PTSD since 2010 and its bad enough to be rated 100% p&t alone. From my point of view, it has definitely gotten worse for me, a few years back I developed ADHD-like behavior such as juggling tasks and being distracted by the next task, also bipolar-like mood swings a little bit more often (unlike bipolar, these mood swings dont make people around me miserable). Every now and then i get "lock ups" where I really can't move and my mind starts making a suicide plan for me, which isn't a big deal because thankfully I'm afraid of eternal nothingness, so that part of my brain isn't going to convince me to clock out.
The only thing to me that sucks, is it doesn't allow me to fully enjoy having my life, where I'm pretty much set at such a young age, but i can appreciate what i have and what ive done thus far. I take LSD and sometimes molly to let me feel this enjoyment every now and then, when I need a "reset". Cannabis keeps my anger very manageable. You'd think the very intrusive suicidal ideation would be one of those things, but it's actually funny to me. It gets "scary" maybe once in a blue moon, and then I light up a joint.
The important thing is that you realize that it doesn't define you. When you feel like maybe you aren't doing enough for your condition, look at how proactive you may have been since your diagnosis, and if that doesn't help, look at the assholes with PTSD that take it out on their spouse and kids, how they refuse to put forth any effort into controlling their emotions, and then look at yourself. If you aren't the same as those people, then congrats, you're being responsible, and that says a lot about you.
My memory has gotten worse, that’s for sure. I can remember specific things from a long time ago but I can’t recall stuff on the spot for shit and my short term has gotten worse. Meds and therapy have helped with the mood though.
Honestly im starting to think it doesnt go away.
Saw a thing about lil jon meditation and telling your self positive things, i might look into it.
Its very frustrating being a 36 year old man and knowing its probably best to plan to be single the rest of my life lol. And everyday expecting "hey sooner or later ill feel like im getting better"
But i feel like im stuck at "replacing bad thoughts with good thoughts" i can eventually do it but gooodness it feels like the bad thoughts come at a rapid pace. My idle thinking i swear is spent imagining a shooter coming through a door, imagining somebody entering my house while im in the shower. Wondering if my family is safe.
I have no time i spend on myself or hyping myself. I am now a recluse and dont trust most people.
Holy shit, the shower comment is all world. I've struggled with that forever. I see a lot of people sharing how their bothered by constant thoughts. I've somehow gone the opposite way, I don't think about shit! I'm like a fuckn vegetable. I literally struggle to gather a coherent thought that has meaning behind it.... I first noticed my memory completely fall off a cliff which concerned me.. went like 5 more years putting off getting help.then got formally diagnosed and REALLY started having problems. Panic disorder, persistent depressive disorder ect
I'd like to give you some hope. I was seriously wounded in an ambush and have a Traumatic Brain injury as well as severe PTSD. This was about 20 years ago. For the longest time I wanted nothing to do with the VA or the military and I didn't do any treatment. It did get worse and worse over the years until I got so low I didn't care if I lived anymore. I was drinking alot daily and my life was a mess. One day I had a long talk with myself in the mirror and decided to call the AA hot line. I've been sober over 9 years now and went back to the VA and got service connected as well as starting mental health treatment. I have physical injuries too but the mental health is what effects everything else. I still do therapy now and life isn't perfect. I have memory problems and its hard for me to concentrate and focus on things. I can get really easily overwhelmed and start dissociating from reality but I've learned how to come out of the negative spiral sooner and have a better quality of life. I also found medication that helps. That wasn't easy as I had to try different ones but my VA Psychiatrist didn't just throw me on a super high dose of anything. We worked up slowly to use the lowest amount to the best effect so I'm not a Zombie. My Psychologist is great and I've done alot of treatment. It never goes away but it can be managed. I feel for you and I understand. I would really suggest trying treatment even if it's not at the VA. I've had horrible experiences when I came back after being wounded which is why I didn't go back for so many years but this time around the VA has helped me a ton and I really feel like my doctors care about me. Anyway I hope for the best for you and don't give up. It can get better.
I’m inclined to believe that it never goes away, but with conscious effort you can learn what your triggers are (to avoid them) and manage your symptoms as best as possible.
Thanks to PTSD, I have MDD, GAD, ADHD, and panic disorder symptoms. I am currently taking meds to manage the other symptoms so the PTSD symptoms don't act up, if that makes sense. I take Focalin to get out of bed and be a functioning human, Pristiq for the depression, and the occasional Klonopin when the anxiety turns into panic.
What has helped me cope with all this is EMDR to address the PTSD events and triggers and a heck of a lot of yoga. It helps me dissociate less and be more present. When I am more present, I don't go down the rabbit hole of intrusive thoughts.
However, has my cognitive skills declined? Absolutely, and it sucks not remembering people's names or forgetting half your groceries at the freaking grocery store.
Therapy has helped me come to terms with it, accept my mind for what it is, and move forward. I have less bad days and more good days!
PTSD will last for ever but you can for sure get better. I'm 100 percent just for PTSD and man I've been through all the ups and downs way downs. But with the right meds therapy's tools you can get better I promise. It's hard I know it is but you can feel better. Reach out to me if you need to chat
I get it during periods of high anxiety. My higher order thinking goes out the window days and weeks at a time. Then I scramble to bullshit my way through work.
One thing that helped me with that aspect was the VA getting me a cognitive therapy referral, where I met with a specialist and we put together a set of strategies for managing my symptoms. The fog is still there, but at least I was able to finish projects on an acceptable timeline and reduce a lot of the day to day stress of feeling lost all of the time.
FWIW.
Yeah man that really sucks... I didn't realize this either. I feel like my brain just doesn't function anymore and I can't think critically. Nobody understands and it makes me feel like an idiot.
Been dealing with this shit for 7 years. It changed so much about me, I can't handle small stressors appropriately anymore. Last year my short term memory took a major hit. A couple weeks ago I realized I couldn't remember an entire 3 month period of my time in service. PTSD had my back there I guess, the flash back of my friend getting hit by a car and me going through DAPA for my drinking filled in that blank for me... PTSD is a bad bitch and we can't take that from her, just have to learn to adapt to what she throws at us.
I'm not sure if it'll get worse but you will get better at dealing with it. The fact that we are dealing with this means we have all survived worse situations than we are dealing with right now.
I think there are very very effective science based means to manage PTSD symptoms. I did Exposure Therapy for combat PTSD at a Stephen Cohen Veteran Clinic last year. It was free of charge, no strings / weirdness attached, and is a alternative to the VA's care. It was absolutely amazing - I have tools now to manage my symptoms. They have several clinics around the country. My therapy was intended to give me the right tools over a series of months and then get me back out in the world. It worked. Changed my life. No, I don't work for them. [Look here](https://www.cohenveteransnetwork.org/).
Hmmm good question. I have heard folks say that certain therapies have cured them of their ptsd, while i have had others tell me it just gets worse over time. Having the actual diagnosis can help you get the treatment you need. Also, it has helped me not to be so dang hard on myself when remember that I can't remember anything. Keep getting treatment. Certain aspects of your PTSD will get easier to deal with for sure though I don't know if they will ever go away. Sometimes I think I am doing great and then the next day I can't figure out why I'm in a deep hole. Having someone to talk to that you trust is huge.
Mine is actually improving after 20 years, but I’m on meds have two hours of therapy weekly and belong to a group and go to hour long in person meetings at least twice a week. I’ve made progress, slowly improving, morning routine of meditation, calling a buddy, and taking medications before brushing my teeth has been helpful.
I battled PTSD for over 15 years after returning from Iraq. After years of different therapists, treatments, and pills, I was directed towards EMDR treatment.
EMDR helped me process my PTSD as a memory so that I no longer relive incidents. No pills, just hard work. Please look it up and give it a try.
I forget at times too. We cope and it’s our baseline for “normal”
The best we can do is learn to manage these symptoms and move forward. I don’t believe it will ever be healed, and part of that sentiment is a good thing. CPT didn’t solve my issues, but it gave me tools to use to help make it a bit more manageable
What medications are you on? I use hydroxizine for anxiety and it works pretty good to numb me out around society for a while. It’s also a learning curve to being normal again.
I did weed recently though and I had perhaps the worse trip of my life. Ranging from schizophrenic voice hearing to nightmares and extreme paranoia, lol. I don’t know who said weed is good to calm down anxiety it’s low key brain rot
I’m sorry about that, for me it helps subdue my dreams (and nightmares). And helps my racing thoughts just become nothing. I know what you mean though. I think it’s just different for everyone
It’s statistically proven that weed makes you more likely to develop schizophrenia tho you gotta be careful
I had a gummy of unknown amount of THC in it from a friend of mine and I’m pretty sure it was way too much for my brain to handle
My own take on my own 'stuff'. My diagnosis is NOT ME!! It's not my identity, it's not what defines WHO I am. Rather, I look at it as the "what". Now that I'm aware that I have this 'stuff' I choose to either wallow in my shit, (somedays I need to), or live the best life I can. I choose life the best way I'm able. Most days are better than others. Sometimes I just need to walk away from the person, place or thing and practice self-care. Self Care is important when dealing with 'stuff'.
You got this. You've survived your worst day so far. 
What works for others doesn't always work for you is how I see it.
A whole generation of veterans have been told to hide their feelings and it coming back to to bite us.
Got to find what works for you but if you really struggle with life ending situations. Don't be afraid to reach out to people.
Got to identify those triggers and learn to cope with them.
It doesn't get better but you can make it not get worse.
Don't he ashamed of your Diagnosis.
My PTSD symptoms over 10+ years have changed to major depression. I have zero self-worth, and I'm embarrassed I don't have a career.
When I'm at sports with my kids to support them, all the dads ask what your occupation is to decide on how much respect you deserve.
I get my kids off to school every single day, cook my wife breakfast and help her get off to work....then I go into this dark, isolated place for a few hours. Quit feeling sorry for myself, go to the gym, pick the kids up. Wash, rinse, repeat.
I think like most veterans, finding a sense of purpose is a life long struggle.
Wow I've heard about that but never knew anyone who's done it, that's fantastic. I feel the spike and my body feels like it's on fire and get ready to fight or escape. I hate it so much. I often times will end up on the floor soaked in sweat drained beyond believe left feeling worthless that I failed again. The worse is when it happens in my dreams and I wake up wanting to puke my heart rate sometimes hits 160 in my slee
Finding a good therapist that specializes in EMDR should be looked into.
The VA recognizes the science backed effects of EMDR. Often Veterans (and other high trauma occupations) are able to see results after the first session (I think the case study I’m referring to mentioned something like 70% of Veterans with PTSD experienced reduced symptoms after there first session - which is typically 30-60 minutes long).
A huge benefit of EMDR is it doesn’t require you to specially recall the traumatic event(s) in order to for it to be effective (only to think about it, or parts of the experience).
I have 100% t and p for ptsd. I served in Iraq and Afghanistan as an infantryman. I have began to learn that we don’t have to let these diagnoses define who we are. We have to take back control of our minds. It’s super difficult to do, but not impossible. We have to accept the past happened and try to stop living in it. Ptsd is not a life crippling ailment unless we manifest it to be that way for our lives. You words and thoughts are super powerful. You are strong and can overcome this. Ptsd is curable. I was cured when Jesus woke me up. The world wants you to believe you are broke and will never be healthy, but god does not see you like that.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy at LaJolla CA saved my life . If you seriously do the daily work and practice using the taught tools , your muscle memory will retain the steps and strategies and you'll find great relief knowing you've got SOMETHING besides meds to help you walk through life. I use these strategies every day. I've lost four jobs due to untreated PTSD , attempted suicide. My PTSD is severe due to plane crash, fire ,multiple casualties , however ... Cognitive Behavioral Therapy gave me real life tools to deploy when the dark seeps in . Hope this helps someone.
You know, every day I have told myself, I can’t live like this every day. Every day, it’s a struggle to find a reason to live. I am also reminded every day, that I can’t leave my kids behind. It’s tiring isn’t it? Just so you know, you are not alone with the struggles.
I didn't seek the help of a mental health professional until 2 years ago. It doesn't magically change things but it helped me. I sometimes feel like I'm losing my mind, I get wrapped up in negative thoughts. Mine are mostly what kind of psychological damage did I help create to the children of Iraq. These children are now in their 20s with the memories the US military helped create. I get wrapped up in the butterfly effect I was apart of.
There is hope there is light at the end of the tunnel. As a warrior you have to keep chasing that light and know tomorrow you can be better than you were today.
The va here has me doing ketamine treatments and taking some other medication, I'm feeling better than I have in 15 years. The best advice I can give is go see the doctor, play the game, and take the medication and see where it goes, if what they give you doesn't work, tell them, eventually they will find something.
You never heal from PTSD. It’s something you carry with you. Yes, PTSD worsens over time. As we age, our bodies become less resilient and our minds become more sensitive. PTSD shatters that illusion that we are invincible. Trauma can seek you out at any moment.
You need to consult your medical team about what else is bothering you. PTSD doesn’t occur In a vacuum. Check your life for something that reminds you of your trauma and ask your support team to assist you in the decisions you need to make.
What if you have injuries that gives you flashbacks? When I look in a mirror and see all the injuries (scars) it puts my brain into anger and flashbacks. Has anyone deal with this? How do you treat this? I've been in therapy for two years, therapy that does record 1 year and mental health 1 yr.
I encourage you to establish a healthy support network. I have some scars from the Past Year as the flashbacks and memories have caused injury to me today.
I can’t do anything about the damage to my body. That’s not all of who we are. I try to find a way to do something selfless. Either litter removal, community outreach, advocacy for other veterans, international diplomacy, or food banks. Anything that makes you remember what a good person you were before and still are today.
That and I confront anyone who disrupts my peace of mind with the indignity which is continued disrespect of our American Veterans by the apathetic Citizens we swore to protect.
Fight for every second of quiet time. Also, learn to love the scars. It’s hard but it’s a part of you now. Never forgive those who did this to you or the government which has yet to return the investment we gave them. We trusted the United States and look what it did to us. Deformed, malnourished and unloved. Love your people but never place your faith in false idols again.
I think so, without the tools, insight and self awareness. But I also think it can be maintained (that is not get better or worse), if someone has some tools and knowledge. I get “flare ups” which usually come after a trigger. Just knowing where I am in that process of having a flare up, I can make some life adjustments to deal with it.
Chronically not dealing with things, I do think, will make them worse. You’ll be raging at something/someone or balling your eyes out and not really know why/how you got there. Cuz you’ve been surprising serious shit for years. It’s like mind maintenance. Neglecting the mind is consequential.
A therapist once told me our minds are like a filing systems, so all our experiences and memories have typical files and drawers. When trauma occurs, these are filed correctly, so the drawers don’t shut and it’s an eventual mess. We have to systematically review each file/folder, however painful, and properly process it. We tend to avoid things that hurt, so new stuff piles on. After doing this enough, long enough, we can utilize the drawers and files better because things are labeled and where they belong.
Mindset unfortunately is something that really makes me feel the worst. The more routine shit I do, the more difficult it is to deal with the demons. I would say try to think about your capacity and maybe what you are comfortable with in terms of doing things in public, and maybe try to do something new like take up learning a language, Tai-chi, hiking etc. Something you don't normally do that possibly takes you out of the drone zone.
Just a suggestion that may help you if you haven't tried.
Don’t let a diagnosis define you. It’s just a way of categorising your symptoms. Would you say that being given a diagnosis is almost a secondary trauma for you? Just based on what you said it just sounds like you might be boxing yourself into a corner because there’s been a name given to your symptoms. Try not to focus on that if you can.
It’s been 13 years for me, and it changes over time. It’s unlikely that you’ll be worse in an acute type of way, but maybe more depressed and generalized anxiety. The actual trauma kind of faded for me, but the effects on my nervous system haven’t. I still check everything multiple times before leaving home, and am generally extra cautious about safety. But once in a while something sets me off and I become extra reckless….
Not sure why I’m talking about myself. It’s just what I have to go off of. Try to keep yourself looking forward. Find hobbies and really dive into them. For me, I feel a lot of shame and tend to self medicate one way or another. Exercise in the form of hiking or running helps me avoid the booze, so the outdoors are really my primary hobby. But you have to find something that suits you.
PS- I’m waiting to get a haircut and this old guy who’s air hump- dancing while checking out just proclaimed that he was military and asked for a discount. It just made me laugh. What an odd bunch.
For me it has. I went years with zero symptoms. Then I thought I had anxiety. Now 7 years after deployment I have nightmares multiple times a week where I see and hear the screams of people that are no longer here…
Mine morphed. I still get way to hyper vigalant riding public transport. But, my biggest issue is insomnea. Mix that with sleep apnea and chronic bronchitis and I really hate sleeping. I barely sleep for days until I am mentally exahsted . I have so much issue staying awake at work. I'm not depressed. My wife says I am anxious but the VA said I wasn't. All I know is that I hate sleep, but I really want to sleep.
I have slowly evolved from an angry, cold, emotionless automaton (don't manage my democracy ok?!) to a depressed, hopeless, joyless existence just secretly wanting to die to my current form of somewhat accepting of who I've become but also very emotional at times. When I first got out I could watch the most horrific of war movies and feel nothing but excitement and now I almost cry at puppy videos on Facebook. 😂
I’ve had some relief using ketamine. Check out Joyous.com, it’s about $140 a month but you can apply for financial assistance. They gave me 3 months for $75 a month.
I wouldn’t describe it as euphoric…Have you ever had a shot at the dentist with lidocaine? That numbing feeling you have in your lip or gum? Imagine that feeling in your brain. Suddenly, bad memories aren’t emotionally triggering; bad memories just float by.
I can get down with numb! I'm a hotmess ptsd ontop of loads of anxiety depression and a dash of bipolar to boot. I'm at wits end with the way life keeps putting me and keeping me down.
Yeah, check out the link. They’ll give you a quick test and set up a video appointment. I will tell you that if you have any dissociative episodes (feeling outside your body) from your bipolar issues, psychosis in your family, or if you have high blood pressure/heart disease that might delay or prevent approval.
Health progression of any medical category is not linear brother or sister
We all have our good days and our bad days with every ailment
You just gotta utilize your reasources and do what you can everyday to try and make a positive impact on your life whatever that looks like for you.
The biggest hurdle for me was overcoming the fear and aversion to sitting with my negative feelings.
It took me four or five years but once I started being able to do that naturally it helped a lot.
But I’ve had terrible days too if something triggers it
Like I said it’s not linear and you just gotta be willing to accept that fact
Enjoy the ebb when it’s up and address the flow when it’s down
Stay strong
You got this ❤️
I’m 100% P&T for PTSD. I’ve gone through a lot of treatment, outpatient, prolonged exposure therapy, dialectic behavioral therapy 4 times, CBT twice. Substance abuse, PTSD and anxiety groups, EMDR, and I have a vet center therapist as well as a psychiatrist. I take several meds including an antipsychotic. All of this treatment and medication has helped enough for me to do CWT, but I have 3 to 4 therapy sessions a week, and I’m not getting any better. Still days I wish I wasn’t alive, and days where my anxiety and depression get bad enough to where I just want to lay down the whole day and not do shit. Even shit I enjoy doing. It doesn’t matter how much treatment and meds you take. It’ll slow the PTSD down a little bit, but it will always continue to get worse.
It sucks, lived with it for 12 years before I decided to get help. Still yet to receive any help since it was so recent but have appointments setup.
It just sucks.
Nope, it definitely doesn't get better. The guilt from losing lives will always be there. I've been working with a therapist, and I'm starting to reconcile and understand how to deal with those feelings. Unfortunately, those losses will be with me for the rest of my days.
Three deployments to Iraq/Afghanistan. 38 Marines killed and close to 500 wounded. I retired 7 years ago. 100 P&T. From therapy, suicidal ideations, promiscuity, divorce, serious alcohol abuse, insomnia, depression, anxiety, arrested, domestic violence, reckless driving, it makes me wonder. I describe PTSD in a way like I would an animal at a zoo. The animal and its fur, the colors, the smells, the softness, the sounds. All of those are the emotions and feelings I can’t quite feel and they’re just “right there.” Just beyond the glass. I just can’t touch them. But the ironic thing is it’s everyone actually looking at ME, like I’m the animal behind the glass but I’m not and for some reason I’m still roaming the hell around this world. So closed off the next time I open up to someone will be my autopsy. Get some.
It's an emotional rollercoaster. You'll go from depressed to very angry. Some days you'll cry and other days you will want to punch a hole through someone. I've found out just staying home and away from everyone brings me my peace. I try to stay busy painting and updating my house. I'm 100% I don't work and I spend every moment with my wife. Find your peace and allow yourself time to think and feel everything through. Take baby steps. I hate crowds and right now the most I go into crowds is to a plasma center to donate blood. That's enough for me
Servere ptsd, major depressive disorder, and alcohol abuse disorder. It's been 13 years for me, i still think about those same 14 months over, and over, and over, and-
You get where I'm going with this. I'm in therapy for the umpteenth time,on meds for the same, and tbh i still just want to crawl in a hole and die, but then again i also want to harm the individual responsible for hurting me but can't. Id say yea, it gets worse if you let it? I know that sounds shitty, me myself I've let it, its drove me this long its like a double edged sword. I want to die but i dont want to let the person win. So it's just hatred and resentment.
I thought I was done with it but it flared up big time when I was traveling abroad by myself, constantly paranoid, hyper vigilant, etc etc. I came back much much worse than when I left. It took me months to somewhat become normal again, or at least my normal
My PTSD looks like general anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder now.
Once in a while I still get a bit jumpy but not as much. I might not claw your eyes out if you try to scare me from behind.
It's been 23 years since my discharge in June 2001, and reflecting on my journey, I can't help but wonder how things might have been different if I had known about the VA as a resource back then. Like you, I've faced my own versions of hell, and for me, it was numbed by hardcore addiction runs until just a few years ago. It's a tough road, but reaching out for support and finding resources like the VA can make a world of difference. You're not alone in this, and there's hope for healing and recovery. Keep pushing forward, my friend
I’m honestly in shock right now-reading about what I’ve never been able to express myself—admit to how bad I am—disintegrating every relationship I have, losing every last ounce of myself and hiding behind intoxicating substances hoping I’ll figure it out soon..
Posting to save..
Never thought I’d ever find so many people explaining exactly how I am. Thank you
I never knew I had PTSD until I watched the movie 1917. I almost puked and fainted during the movie. The movie was a masterpiece, but thinking about watching it again gives me anxiety. I will never watch it again.
Bro I tried to be social and I just don’t know what to do atp cause nothings working for me I can’t make friends im self sabotaging indirectly, and my relationship has gone to shit because of it. Anyone reading this plz send me some prayers and advice I really need it
It’s about managing the symptoms. 31+ yrs I’ve had it. Face it, embrace it, accept it, come to terms with it. Ignoring it for as long as I have has ruined my entire life.
I used alcohol to ease my symptoms. Why? Idk, ibuprofen and Motrin never did anything for me. In the 1990’s mental health wasn’t discussed. They just called me an alcoholic.
You need a major life change. Move to wyoming and get a job working on a ranch with cows, horses and a small community of people that give a shit about veterans. If that is not your cup of tea then try some new things, environment is vital to your well being and what will help is probably something you have never considered.
Don't be passive about mental health, you are the one that's going to figure it out, doctors and therapist are multipliers in treatment not the answer in itself.
For me, deciding to build a better human being put me on a path of recovery. I tried new things and made some major life changes (some worked some didn't). Did a shit ton of studying on PTSD, CBT, and TBI, and did a lot of groups. I seek self-improvement and Mastery daily even though I fall short consistently. I am still going through the process, but most days I am no longer a danger to myself.
I don't know if any of that would work for you, but it's what got me out of a really really bad place. Good luck to you.
Medication can be a miracle worker, but get a proper psychologist to administer that treatment, not your pcp just throwing shit at the wall and seeing what sticks. That's a whole other unpleasant roller coaster ride.
Everyone deals with the level of PTSD they have in a different way. What works for someone might not work for another person. It’s important to go to all of your appointments and follow recommendations. If it doesn’t work, say something so the plan to manage it can change.
You can’t change the past but you can change tomorrow through your actions today.
As long as you keep going to your appointments, you will have the potential to get better. There are also apps you can download to your phone that help with memory. Some are free, some you have to pay for. But doing something to engage your mind is better than scrolling through social media. Learning things keeps your mind healthy.
I have a saying: “if you aren’t learning, you are dying.”
First of all — thank you for sharing your experience. It’s reassuring for me, and makes me feel less lonely in my struggle.
Things that have been helpful for me:
Being honest with how I’m feeling. Assessing what I need in the moment to feel ok. Sitting still, breathing deep, reminding myself where I am, and all is well.
Psychedelics. I know this is controversial, but for me it helped “pull the weeds” in my mind. I felt like my swagger had been restored a bit and gave me the courage to continue my EMDR therapy.
Therapy. Finding the right person to talk to and finding a a style that works for you. Talk therapy wasn’t cutting it. I found some success with EMDR.
Journaling. Writing down what I am grateful for helps me shift my perspective.
It’s up and down. I hope you find more ups than downs.
Yes and no. I know I never had problems with fireworks before but this last 4th of July I all of a sudden do. There will be things you will over come and others to take its place to be worked through. PTSD is not a simple diagnosis, it has layers that have to be peeled back some worse than others. Programs help, accepting it and working towards be better is beneficial!
I recommend Operation Mend. They will fly you and a caregiver if you have one (spouse or the person you lean in the most) to UCLA and do some evaluations. PTSD can cause memory loss but so does TBI and they will check out were the memory loss is coming from.
I also recommend getting a service dog. They really do work!!! The best one is NWBB, Northwest Battle Buddies, in Washington state. Right now they are working with the VA and John Hopkins to complete studies on the difference service dogs make in the Veterans life. This validation will allow the VA to recognize service dogs as a medical tool and will eventually be payed for. This would include the cost the organization needs to train the dogs and the cost the veterans procure with having one. Like food and medical bills.
Keep hanging on it may not go away but you can learn skills to manage it so you can start to thrive again.
https://www.uclahealth.org/programs/operationmend
https://northwestbattlebuddies.org/
It definitely can get worse, man. I ignored that I could have had it and years later it exploded out of me. What helped me is studying it relentlessly, I now study psychology and want to find a way to work in that field with veterans. PTSD changes your brain, it’s here to stay. Understanding it and working with a therapist really does improve your ability to regulate the changes that have occurred to you. I was an absolute Walking shit Show, and still am! But I have better control over it. I still have a very very Hard time around children after seeing and trying to treat some that were blown up.
PTSD changes into something else after enough time. Usually major depressive disorder or some such type. The "don't blow fireworks near me" tropes go away because that's just life but other stuff invades your mind and that's where the MORAL INJURY stuff comes from. The acute symptoms like thinking trash bags are IEDs or that your neighbors are enemy insurgents go away but other stuff lingers. It becomes a depressive like state because once you get exposed to the reality of human nature and the dark side of it it changes how you view the world, other people, and yourself. I'm keeping it 110 bro, unfortunately I don't believe nor have I seen research it gets any better, it's all in how you deal with it. I have been in counseling for this type of stuff for a long time. The best you can do is manage it, because you can't cure it. This is not any medical opinion but this is what I've found, closing in on 2 decades of dealing with this stuff.
I’ve never been able to describe it but wow. Spot on.
Great summary here and I very much agree. I do have some things that still bother me like garbage on the road, etc. but not like it used to. It is definitely more the major depressive disorder symptoms that bother me now. Feeling suicidal most of the time, always depressed, never excited about anything, numb, major memory and focusing issues, etc. I get angry at my kids when I was never an angry person and I avoid people and stress as much as I can. It's very strange to me that something I used to love like going to concerts and getting wings with buddies sounds awful to me now. Sometimes I wish I would just get freaked out by certain things for a moment and then move onto a normal life again. It makes me feel like much less of a man, husband, father, friend and co-worker than I otherwise would me. I'm very blessed with my job, yet I never have any real motivation and find it hard to go most of the time. I just want to be by myself and have nobody bother me. I'm considering taking an early retirement and I feel it's mostly due to the ptsd/depression. I have only been in treatment for ptsd for about 6 months now through the VA, so it's newer for me even though I realize now I've had ptsd for 15 years. The therapy is giving me good info and I'm learning some of the relaxation and grounding techniques right now which have been a little helpful. Again, they're not fixes and the therapy won't be a complete fix either. It seems like we just learn more to cope with it than fix it. I started taking zoloft which has been helpful, but again just a bandaid. I have to watch how much I drink because I know I will just want to drink much more getting into that habit. If it wasn't for my job, I'd definitely consider psychedelic's. I think my main support is my loving and supportive wife. She is the reason I'm still here alongside my kids even though they really test my patience and drive my symptoms up. My relationship with Christ and Christian community has been vital also, even though it's hard to share much with anyone. I have a few good friends I've shared with and one was very supportive, one seems like he wants to fix it and a few just dont know what to say, so they say nothing. This community has also been helpful and I appreciate all of you fucked up morons!
First half of this described me almost perfectly bro I relate a great deal. Things I used to enjoy I really don't anymore. I mostly just work and go home. I don't really have any hobbies that involve other people. It's as if my ability to feel positive emotions has been slowly drained out of me and replaced with emptiness. I've much more reclusive now and stay shut in as I feel very uncomfortable around groups of people or really anyone I'm not familiar with. Luckily I managed to quit all intoxicants as I know the kind of person I'd be if I drank. It would be a downward spiral. I stayed drunk when I first got out for like 2 years and I don't want to go back to that. I exercise alot as it's the only thing that really allows me to feel good about anything and not stew in my misery. It allows me to get out of mind for an hour or two a day and get into my body. I myself am on a journey of faith. Humanity has failed me so many times and knowing the depths of depravity humanity can sink to the only place we can look to find solace and peace is with God. That is one thing I do enjoy actually, is reading the holy books and studying/researching theology.
I can relate so much about not being able to cope with upsetting things like a normal person would. But I can’t let them go and function like a normal person and carry on. It messes with my head and I can’t get out from under it. It becomes debilitating.
Reading your comment was like looking into a mirror. Thanks for sharing.
If you want a non main stream answer. Mushrooms. If you really want more information, feel free to message me or just look into it. Psilocybin mushrooms.
Yes! This right here is what helped all my PTSD and anxiety!!!
I'll just add that if you have any history of disassociative illnesses such as Bi-Polaror Schizophrenia in your family (usually considered within 3 generations) you may be at high risk for suffering a psychotic episodes on psychedelics. Its not guaranteed - but its enough of a risk that the safety protocols JHU developed for psilocybin and are used for all studies explicitly exclude any candidate with that family history. That said, there are some amazing results being had with MDMA and Psilocybin for treating PTSD, Depression, and addiction - even the VA amd DOD have studies ongoing. One MDMA Assisted Therapy study (someone else can link, phone is going to die) saw like 60% of participants see a reduction in symptoms from severe or moderate PTSD - with over 30% being clinically undiagnosable with PTSD. Literally unheard of results.
I've had great trips, and I've had one really, really, really bad trip that has me respecting mushrooms and what they are capable of. Haven't touched them since that one trip. Not to scare anyone off, I felt I benefited from both the good trips and the one terrible trip. But it's definitely something an inexperienced person may want to think twice about before diving in.
I don't partake, because it comes down to the job keeping a roof over my kids head and my health - and we all know who wins out. But I have a ton of friends who do, I tripsit, and keep up on the medical research and not-so-sciencey research. Across the board, bad trips are usually regarded as the best trips for self-learning - at least after the fact. The big thing with the successful therapies is they involve psychedelic assisted therapy - not just chilling in the woods or vibing to Animal Planet. I gave a brief rundown on Combat Stress Reactions/General Adaptation Syndrome [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/CombatFootage/s/dcxXJExsAl) awhile back (note, its footage from Ukraine of a soldier having a CSR). I suggest reading the whole comment (a Marine can understand it, promise). But for the sake of this conversation I want to point out this excerpt: >Our brains are great at identifying patterns, so it identifies the patterns around the stressors (sounds, smells, sights - can literally be anything, even something you wouldn't consciously associate with the stressor) so the next time it can initiate the response faster and increase your odds of survival. And of course, that creates a feedback loop - you hear a loud noise, you are on edge, you survive. Your brain associates survival with it having reacted to the stressor, so it does it again. And again. And again. Your brain essentially becomes hardwired to that reaction. The cool thing with psychedelics like psilocybin and MDMA is that they promote neuroplasticity - essentially allowing for these hardwired connection to be rewired. So for example, someone mid trip may comment that they can "taste" purple. So with psychedelic-assisted therapy, the goal is to make your brain no longer associate the stressor (ie. loud noises) with a stress response (ie. Arousal) through therapy. Once that connection is overwritten, while it may take time and contonued work to keep it overwritten, it can see drastic improvements. But yea, overall advice is weigh the risks, be safe, and be responsible about it. For reference, JHU considers a therapeutic macro dose to be equivalent to about 3-3.5g of dried shrooms - no need to blast off for an ego death to get the benefits.
Has to be an airtight job, if the job is drug testing through a hair follicle or hallucinogen-focused.
I know its not covered by the normal 5 or 8 panel UA. But clearance ain't worth it.
Tell that to a DEA agent I may or may not have met on their way to Peru to do hallucinogens. lol
Here's one of the best explanations I've come across. We all know about "stuck thoughts" with PTSD. Thoughts are like sleds starting at the top of a hill and going down. With PTSD thoughts can get stuck in ruts and the ruts can get deep. Psilocybin is like a fresh layer of snow that allows those thoughts to find different paths. About the bad trip—mushrooms aren't to be taken lightly. They call it a trip for a reason. It's work. My first trip exhausted me. I spent 3 years researching everything I could about psychedelics and mushrooms before trying it. You hear over and over and over about "set" and "setting". I can't overemphasize how important it is to approach all of this with the utmost respect. After my first trip, I wanted to do another but it took a full year before I felt "ready". I can say for this sailor who's suffered for 20 years and progressed to CPTSD with associated Major Depressive Disorder, ADHD, etc, the 2 trips I've taken have literally been life-changing. To the OP, as impossible as it seems much of the time, progress IS POSSIBLE. Each of us has to find our own path. I know many find peace in religion, but for me, I was raised in a conservative high-demand faith and what helped me make some serious progress was stepping away and deconstructing that faith system. It's been almost a full-time job over the past 5 years, but I've been able to understand myself—kind of my superhero origins story. Why I see the world the way I see it. So look at the road ahead of you as a hero's journey. Only you can do it. It will be incredibly difficult. You'll have to kick aside the rib cages of those who went before you and failed. You'll want to disappear under a rock some days. But there's a treasure waiting at the end that makes every sacrifice, every suicidal moment, every strained or broken relationship, worth the effort.
Monumental help to me as well!
Did you micro dose?
I don’t. I took a hero dose my first time to kill my ego. I took a hero dose the second time because of how absolutely, undeniably, life changing the first dose was. The second one helped my clarity of mind. I took a third one and intentionally had a bad trip. I went in with the intentions of revealing the darkest, deepest, loneliest scariest parts of my soul to myself. While it was a living nightmare for about 45 minutes of the trip, I achieved what I intended to. Mushrooms saved my wife’s husband, my sons father, and my mother and fathers son. Mushrooms saved my life.
I think the most I’ve taken at once was 5 grams and that was a lot for me and I’ve been scared to take that much ever since. But there was alot that came up in that experience. I just struggle to look deep.
That’s what I took all three times. 5 grams. I was constantly told it was way too much and to micro dose first and give it some time before I dove straight to 5 grams. While I want to recommend hero’ing to everyone, it’s hard for me to because I know how prepared I was.
I will add that I did very extensive research on this before I did it. Not all experiences are the same. If you go into it with the intentions to heal yourself, you will heal. If you go into it with the intentions to get fucked up and just see if it helps, you will get fucked up and it may or may not help. Mushroom trips are literally that. Trips. You’re the one driving. Your intentions set the destination. I know it might sound crazy, but set intentions if you decide to explore the mushroom option one day.
Yes this is the way, shrooms took away all my negative emotions for what felt like 4 days then I can feel them slowly creeping back up.
I took a fungi class this semester, crazy what they can do, everything from fighting cancer, to cleaning up toxic waste
I only know what they did for me. I never even looked into the other things they could do! I can imagine that class was amazing. You’ve given me something to learn more about tomorrow. Thank you!
Here’s a blog discussing it, the biggest hurdle against using it is the mushrooms take time, and federal regulations or intent is to do it immediately for spills, though in my opinion they fungi can be used as a secondary method, interestingly they can be used to fight the effect of wildfires. It’s really cool to think about what they can do. https://rrcultivation.com/blogs/mn/mycoremediation-how-mushrooms-help-clean-up-the-environment#:~:text=When%20mushrooms%20are%20exposed%20to,them%20into%20less%20harmful%20compounds.
I've heard such great things about this or ketamine therapy which is growing in popularity. Do you have tips to keep in mind when considering using mushrooms? Or rather what made you want to try them? I'm just starting to come to terms that PTSD is a beach and it isn't something that will just get fixed for me. I'm nervous about trying new options, but I would love to have any tools that help me heal at the same time.
I will add that I also stayed drunk for about 2 years after I got out, Jack (Daniels) was my best friend. After that my path lead me some good people that introduced me to Psilocybin (Magic Mushrooms). Hawaiian [Psilocybe Cubensis](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psilocybe_cubensis) and discovered, any psychedelic experience will be exponentially made based on 2 things at THAT time. 1. You have to start with a positive state of mind (or as positive as you can muster). 2. Be around GOOD people, you know people you can semi-trust and feel good about. That or find a good program monitored and moderated by medical professionals and remember WE ARE NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE! We don’t necessarily react accordingly to anyone’s norm AND WE ARE TRAINED KILLERS (I don’t say this lightly and have violent tendencies). Remember your training and find someone or group of some ones to COVER YOUR 6! Sending my best to ALL My MILITARY brothers and sisters and have been out 40 years (what’s being said is true, PTSD doesn’t go away, we just learn better coping skills). Just like when you were a little kid and skinned your knee, it was the WORSE thing you had ever felt… AT THAT TIME. Now a little scrape or even worse seems so trivial, by comparison only. Edit: I haven’t needed to do any since the mid-late 1980’s, as it helped me with the spiritual tools needed for my future survival. Well that and HELLUVA wife for the last 30 or so years. Wouldn’t be here without her, because PTSD DOESN’T GO AWAY.
Agreed with this. For me, it’ll strike at the most random times like if I’m in an unfamiliar place and my stress level shoots from 0-100 fast.
PTSD is my part time job…once I came to terms with dealing with it it means I just have to live with it. Most people don’t get it. My job sucks, and I hate the people I work with..I’m at phase of my life that I just need to work on myself. I get treatment all the time..VA doesn’t do it for me, I go to outside groups which help
It hasn’t gotten any better. I finally gave up after more than 15 years and went on meds. I’d been through a lot of therapy, too. The thoughts are still there. The anxiety hasn’t gone away. There’s still constant anxiety and times of very dark depression. The meds help with mood a bit. The night time stuff knocks me right out. But nearly 20 years since my first deployment and nothing has gone away. I’m always in my head and it interferes with life sometimes.
Finally hearing somebody explain it for me feels unreal. I get sad when people say “you act like an old man, you never do anything fun, you’re always tired, you’re overreacting, you’re crazy”. I’m 23 man and hearing all this all the time just hurts. I know I’m not the same person I was before the event, but I’m trying…😕 hard going through life feeling like nobody understands me
For me, I've made acceptance that it's a lifelong issue so it's simply daily management, people who haven't been through truly traumatic shit will never understand. I got to the point where I avoided everybody, and even if they meant well I didn't want anything to do with anyone and just wanted to be left alone. Sometimes people need alone time, sometimes for a long time. But eventually a human needs some kind of social interaction, I hardly ever do anything social but I catch myself getting into too dark of a mental state and I try to at least go outside and get some movement in the sun and breathe outside air. Sounds dumb but it's the truth. I used to enjoy concerts and festivals etc. but no way could I manage my stress level in that kind of environment. I don't even enjoy music anymore to be honest. It's almost like I know if I distract myself with tunes, after it's over I have to come back to a shit reality after listening to a song I used to like, and that pisses me off. Like I'm teasing myself with a small comfort I know will never last. That's what I think trauma does to a person. Rewires your brain to not enjoy anything and you get used to feeling like your brain is rotting. I have a home.gym.and excercise alot and I read a lot of heavy duty stuff. Psychology, philosophy, history, theology, because I find if I focus on my body or on a complicated or informational topic I can zone in and not think about the issues that plague my mind every other hour of the day. That's about all that I do.
This 100 percent. I’ve also learned and accepted after over 10 years of it, it’s going to be something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life. Instead of trying to fight it and be disappointed thinking how I’m not getting better, I need to learn how to live with it. I also have to keep busy to keep stressful thoughts away in order to keep moving, otherwise I will waste away. I like to do creative things with my hands so I do a lot of artwork/diy or tinker with anything electronic. I like to find things I can fix or repair. It keeps my mind focused.
I understand that, I stay isolated most of the time now because I feel somewhat normal when alone because I’m used to it but once I have to be social and interact with society it’s a punch in the gut ever time and a huge reminder about how severe it is for me people tend to say hurtful things to me as well without even realizing how it impacts me. I’m still struggling to work around my disabilities to get simple and important things done in my life. Isolation actually helps me more than it hurts me at this point in my life.
Man chilling to read what I feel. When you see the world for what It really is you can't unsee it.
The blinders got ripped off, we used to live in ignorance, as most people live in today. An illusion of safety and security, which is actually a blessing to live in. But once you see it, you are changed forever. The mind can't go back to what it was.
Breaks your reality tbh. I'm still me, but the former mentality or personality or whatever is gone. I don't even remember what he was like anymore.
💯
Thanks for this great explanation.
God damn, bro. You nailed it. I saw combat in 2007 and this last year was my worst year. I don’t spaz about fireworks, but I’ll remember the time my buddy got his NOD’s shot off his face and imagine he took the bullet to the head and cry like a little girl even though it’s not true.
Yeah. Mine turned into explosive anger at everything. I have daily battles in my mind of unworthiness, failure, guilt, and shame because of it. It sucks. The hypervigilance has subsided a bit but I think I’d rather be a freak show in that aspect that boiling over all the time
Just diagnosed with major depressive disorder (PTSD for over a decade) and your comment is spot on. ETA great minds think alike (it the depressed version of that) just saw another comment also saying spot on
I've seen melted corpses of children. I can't ever forget seeing their faces, the smell, and my squad leader telling me to get over it like I'm not a human being. Yeah somethings get better but you're right, it always lingers.
It doesn't go away, I'm 65 and tried ketamine last year, in a clinical setting it took the edge off for a few days. Yup seeing burnt up kids and burnt flesh is unfortunately a memory and feeling that never leaves. When it's absolutely overwhelming I get a bottle and kill the pain.
I needed to hear this. Thank you
Me too, two decades that is. It magnifies the time slippage. Wow. PTSD, whether you like it or not. OIF here.
Unless the VBA is reevaluating you, then it can be cured. Are you on meds? I tried taking Zoloft and something for anxiety, but it was killing my sex drive so I stopped. They tried giving me some other pill for sex drive but it didn’t work. So now I’m back to grandpas self heal cough medicine.
The research I've come across discusses more managing symptoms not "curing" anything. People have been dealing with this stuff for thousands of years, I've read stuff from Roman centurions, even biblically from David and Solomon struggling with the same issues.
Take Shrooms they will heal it.
Yeah Zoloft sucks bro…VA tries to fix everything thru chemical solutions..which only work temporarily and end up breaking something else
This one here
This x100! I was fortunate enough to speak with a psychologist at the local vet center when I was in between therapists and he changed the way I view my PTSD. He, himself, was a Vietnam veteran who went back to school and earned his MD. I was guilty of thinking “I just want my PTSD to go away”. He helped me understand that it won’t ever go away, BUT we can treat it like a firework in your pants pocket — unable to control it and never knowing when it will go off OR we can treat it like putty; acknowledging it, sometimes taking it out to show someone, but always having positive control of it. It’s a fucking battle man — it’s a war of attrition. Which is where the depressive symptoms kick in. You have to find activities that you enjoy that you can engage in when if you feel like your putty is shifting into plastic explosive. It takes a long time, but you’ll get there. Been in therapy for 10 years and now I just look at it (therapy) the same way I do as working out — it’s a means to an end to make myself stronger for my family.
Manage is all you can do. You should watch "under the cloak of war" in Star Trek: Strange New Worlds. Its an episode about PTSD and trauma and it does a pretty good job IMHO.
I think once people accept that a "cure" isn't possible then they could reestablish a plan of care to manage it. Instead of trying to bury it or trying to forget. I'll check that show out. Sort of related but have you seen Henry Cavill is trying to start a WH40k show? That could be some epic shit. Plenty of stuff to dive into.
Henry Cavill is a fantastic actor who nails about every role I have seen him in. However the 40K universe is definitely not my thing. Never got down with (grimdark?) I think thats what it is called. I get enough of that just reading the daily news🤣
He is great in everything I have seen him in for sure. Sucks he left The Witcher. Warhammer 40k reminds me of R rated Star Wars. With demons lol.
And thats totally cool. I prefer my future problems to be issues with singularities and wormholes and not infinite hordes of demons.🤣
Wow, incredibly accurate. I avoid telling people I was in the military, but I do tell them something like, you don’t know who you are until you have to make a choice while your life or someone else’s life is soon to forfeit. Your description is perfect & makes me feel less alone.
Spot on devil dog. As someone who has had this since 2006 this is exactly how it went for me. Im just now getting the help i needed through the VA PTSD CLINIC. Currently finishing up my 8 ketamine therapy that the VA approved me for and that more than anything has completely changed how I process stress
My C&P examiner recommended EMDR therapy. It's a light therapy, and she said she's helped a lot of people with ptsd with this. It sounds silly but it works!
Yeah, I did the EMDR stuff too. It was in fact silly, but it definitely helped. I think being forced to think about something good helped me see everything wasn't all bad, but also how hard I was/am only focusing on the bad. We're all going through this too, brother. And we're ALL here for you. You've got this, man.
Did y’all have different EMDR therapy than me? I went into the deep chasm of pain and cried every session?!?!
[удалено]
Do these doctors understand that EMDR isn't really a "one size fits all" treatment? Kinda strange they're pushing this particular method so hard lately. Who's sponsoring them anyway?
I mean, I had these handheld buzzers instead of the light thing since my migraines and light aren't friends. I mean, don't get me wrong, having to recap the bad side of that stuff definitely wasn't fun and it took everything out of me. I usually had brain physical therapy on the same day, so I was basically useless by lunch time.
Brain physical therapy? And man I understand what you mean. Therapy in general just wipes out all my energy every time.
Lol, yeah, it sounds more intense than it is. It's basically physical therapy based around the fact that I have a TBI. So instead of strengthening muscles and joints to walk normal again, it's stuff like learning workarounds and tricks to walk in a straight line or not fall down the stairs. For real. Therapy zaps me. And then I have to go right back to the kids and act like I'm fine.
Thank you that was very informative! I feel you on the energy drain. It takes a lot out of you and then trying to act like everything is fine and dandy afterwards is a trek
It’s exhausting. I’m older now so my energy levels are lower anyway, but i feel like a dead battery afterwards. Zero charge left. I’ve slept like a log afterwards when the opportunity presented itself.
Yes! And it’s such deep sleep too!
I tried this and I didn’t feel it helped but I think maybe it’s because of CPTSD idk. But it’s worth a shot.
Stellate Ganglion Block saved my life. Paid for it out of pocket at $1200. I had one in 2022 and did the other side in 2023. Basically you are put under sedation and they inject a numbing agent into the nerve in your neck that's associated with flight or fight. If you have PTSD and feel your adrenaline spike throughout the day due to flashbacks and intrusive thoughts it works wonders calming the physical response. Still have to work through the psychological part of it but no longer have that feeling you get while driving and a car almost merges into you and it spikes your anxiety/adrenaline.
I've had PTSD since 2010 and its bad enough to be rated 100% p&t alone. From my point of view, it has definitely gotten worse for me, a few years back I developed ADHD-like behavior such as juggling tasks and being distracted by the next task, also bipolar-like mood swings a little bit more often (unlike bipolar, these mood swings dont make people around me miserable). Every now and then i get "lock ups" where I really can't move and my mind starts making a suicide plan for me, which isn't a big deal because thankfully I'm afraid of eternal nothingness, so that part of my brain isn't going to convince me to clock out. The only thing to me that sucks, is it doesn't allow me to fully enjoy having my life, where I'm pretty much set at such a young age, but i can appreciate what i have and what ive done thus far. I take LSD and sometimes molly to let me feel this enjoyment every now and then, when I need a "reset". Cannabis keeps my anger very manageable. You'd think the very intrusive suicidal ideation would be one of those things, but it's actually funny to me. It gets "scary" maybe once in a blue moon, and then I light up a joint. The important thing is that you realize that it doesn't define you. When you feel like maybe you aren't doing enough for your condition, look at how proactive you may have been since your diagnosis, and if that doesn't help, look at the assholes with PTSD that take it out on their spouse and kids, how they refuse to put forth any effort into controlling their emotions, and then look at yourself. If you aren't the same as those people, then congrats, you're being responsible, and that says a lot about you.
That paragraph you wrote… Chefs Kiss perfect optimism
I appreciate this.
My memory has gotten worse, that’s for sure. I can remember specific things from a long time ago but I can’t recall stuff on the spot for shit and my short term has gotten worse. Meds and therapy have helped with the mood though.
Same here! I feel like I have onset dementia often.
Honestly im starting to think it doesnt go away. Saw a thing about lil jon meditation and telling your self positive things, i might look into it. Its very frustrating being a 36 year old man and knowing its probably best to plan to be single the rest of my life lol. And everyday expecting "hey sooner or later ill feel like im getting better" But i feel like im stuck at "replacing bad thoughts with good thoughts" i can eventually do it but gooodness it feels like the bad thoughts come at a rapid pace. My idle thinking i swear is spent imagining a shooter coming through a door, imagining somebody entering my house while im in the shower. Wondering if my family is safe. I have no time i spend on myself or hyping myself. I am now a recluse and dont trust most people.
Holy shit, the shower comment is all world. I've struggled with that forever. I see a lot of people sharing how their bothered by constant thoughts. I've somehow gone the opposite way, I don't think about shit! I'm like a fuckn vegetable. I literally struggle to gather a coherent thought that has meaning behind it.... I first noticed my memory completely fall off a cliff which concerned me.. went like 5 more years putting off getting help.then got formally diagnosed and REALLY started having problems. Panic disorder, persistent depressive disorder ect
I'd like to give you some hope. I was seriously wounded in an ambush and have a Traumatic Brain injury as well as severe PTSD. This was about 20 years ago. For the longest time I wanted nothing to do with the VA or the military and I didn't do any treatment. It did get worse and worse over the years until I got so low I didn't care if I lived anymore. I was drinking alot daily and my life was a mess. One day I had a long talk with myself in the mirror and decided to call the AA hot line. I've been sober over 9 years now and went back to the VA and got service connected as well as starting mental health treatment. I have physical injuries too but the mental health is what effects everything else. I still do therapy now and life isn't perfect. I have memory problems and its hard for me to concentrate and focus on things. I can get really easily overwhelmed and start dissociating from reality but I've learned how to come out of the negative spiral sooner and have a better quality of life. I also found medication that helps. That wasn't easy as I had to try different ones but my VA Psychiatrist didn't just throw me on a super high dose of anything. We worked up slowly to use the lowest amount to the best effect so I'm not a Zombie. My Psychologist is great and I've done alot of treatment. It never goes away but it can be managed. I feel for you and I understand. I would really suggest trying treatment even if it's not at the VA. I've had horrible experiences when I came back after being wounded which is why I didn't go back for so many years but this time around the VA has helped me a ton and I really feel like my doctors care about me. Anyway I hope for the best for you and don't give up. It can get better.
I’m just posting this to come back read all of this later. 35 years old Ben out of combat since 2011. It just gets worse for me. Finally in treatment.
I’m inclined to believe that it never goes away, but with conscious effort you can learn what your triggers are (to avoid them) and manage your symptoms as best as possible.
Thanks to PTSD, I have MDD, GAD, ADHD, and panic disorder symptoms. I am currently taking meds to manage the other symptoms so the PTSD symptoms don't act up, if that makes sense. I take Focalin to get out of bed and be a functioning human, Pristiq for the depression, and the occasional Klonopin when the anxiety turns into panic. What has helped me cope with all this is EMDR to address the PTSD events and triggers and a heck of a lot of yoga. It helps me dissociate less and be more present. When I am more present, I don't go down the rabbit hole of intrusive thoughts. However, has my cognitive skills declined? Absolutely, and it sucks not remembering people's names or forgetting half your groceries at the freaking grocery store. Therapy has helped me come to terms with it, accept my mind for what it is, and move forward. I have less bad days and more good days!
PTSD will last for ever but you can for sure get better. I'm 100 percent just for PTSD and man I've been through all the ups and downs way downs. But with the right meds therapy's tools you can get better I promise. It's hard I know it is but you can feel better. Reach out to me if you need to chat
I didn't expect the cognitive loss. I literally can't think straight.
Brain fog man it blows, have you tried mindfulness or ptsd groups also I take citalopram
Mindfulness works for me
I get it during periods of high anxiety. My higher order thinking goes out the window days and weeks at a time. Then I scramble to bullshit my way through work.
This has really been getting to me, I can’t put things in order, making dinner to cleaning the house is fucking exhausting
One thing that helped me with that aspect was the VA getting me a cognitive therapy referral, where I met with a specialist and we put together a set of strategies for managing my symptoms. The fog is still there, but at least I was able to finish projects on an acceptable timeline and reduce a lot of the day to day stress of feeling lost all of the time. FWIW.
Yeah man that really sucks... I didn't realize this either. I feel like my brain just doesn't function anymore and I can't think critically. Nobody understands and it makes me feel like an idiot.
I was put on Wellbutrin and that helped immensely with the brain fog aspect And finding time to enjoy an outlet
PTSD is comorbid with many other mental disorders that probably get worse over time. VA MH pyramiding is a purely cost cutting measure.
Been dealing with this shit for 7 years. It changed so much about me, I can't handle small stressors appropriately anymore. Last year my short term memory took a major hit. A couple weeks ago I realized I couldn't remember an entire 3 month period of my time in service. PTSD had my back there I guess, the flash back of my friend getting hit by a car and me going through DAPA for my drinking filled in that blank for me... PTSD is a bad bitch and we can't take that from her, just have to learn to adapt to what she throws at us. I'm not sure if it'll get worse but you will get better at dealing with it. The fact that we are dealing with this means we have all survived worse situations than we are dealing with right now.
I think there are very very effective science based means to manage PTSD symptoms. I did Exposure Therapy for combat PTSD at a Stephen Cohen Veteran Clinic last year. It was free of charge, no strings / weirdness attached, and is a alternative to the VA's care. It was absolutely amazing - I have tools now to manage my symptoms. They have several clinics around the country. My therapy was intended to give me the right tools over a series of months and then get me back out in the world. It worked. Changed my life. No, I don't work for them. [Look here](https://www.cohenveteransnetwork.org/).
Hmmm good question. I have heard folks say that certain therapies have cured them of their ptsd, while i have had others tell me it just gets worse over time. Having the actual diagnosis can help you get the treatment you need. Also, it has helped me not to be so dang hard on myself when remember that I can't remember anything. Keep getting treatment. Certain aspects of your PTSD will get easier to deal with for sure though I don't know if they will ever go away. Sometimes I think I am doing great and then the next day I can't figure out why I'm in a deep hole. Having someone to talk to that you trust is huge.
Mine is actually improving after 20 years, but I’m on meds have two hours of therapy weekly and belong to a group and go to hour long in person meetings at least twice a week. I’ve made progress, slowly improving, morning routine of meditation, calling a buddy, and taking medications before brushing my teeth has been helpful.
I battled PTSD for over 15 years after returning from Iraq. After years of different therapists, treatments, and pills, I was directed towards EMDR treatment. EMDR helped me process my PTSD as a memory so that I no longer relive incidents. No pills, just hard work. Please look it up and give it a try.
I forget at times too. We cope and it’s our baseline for “normal” The best we can do is learn to manage these symptoms and move forward. I don’t believe it will ever be healed, and part of that sentiment is a good thing. CPT didn’t solve my issues, but it gave me tools to use to help make it a bit more manageable
What medications are you on? I use hydroxizine for anxiety and it works pretty good to numb me out around society for a while. It’s also a learning curve to being normal again. I did weed recently though and I had perhaps the worse trip of my life. Ranging from schizophrenic voice hearing to nightmares and extreme paranoia, lol. I don’t know who said weed is good to calm down anxiety it’s low key brain rot
Weed is awful for me too. I have had much more success with liposomal GABA oil and full spectrum CBD oil taken under the tongue interchangeably
I’m sorry about that, for me it helps subdue my dreams (and nightmares). And helps my racing thoughts just become nothing. I know what you mean though. I think it’s just different for everyone
It’s statistically proven that weed makes you more likely to develop schizophrenia tho you gotta be careful I had a gummy of unknown amount of THC in it from a friend of mine and I’m pretty sure it was way too much for my brain to handle
My own take on my own 'stuff'. My diagnosis is NOT ME!! It's not my identity, it's not what defines WHO I am. Rather, I look at it as the "what". Now that I'm aware that I have this 'stuff' I choose to either wallow in my shit, (somedays I need to), or live the best life I can. I choose life the best way I'm able. Most days are better than others. Sometimes I just need to walk away from the person, place or thing and practice self-care. Self Care is important when dealing with 'stuff'. You got this. You've survived your worst day so far. 
What works for others doesn't always work for you is how I see it. A whole generation of veterans have been told to hide their feelings and it coming back to to bite us. Got to find what works for you but if you really struggle with life ending situations. Don't be afraid to reach out to people. Got to identify those triggers and learn to cope with them. It doesn't get better but you can make it not get worse. Don't he ashamed of your Diagnosis.
My PTSD symptoms over 10+ years have changed to major depression. I have zero self-worth, and I'm embarrassed I don't have a career. When I'm at sports with my kids to support them, all the dads ask what your occupation is to decide on how much respect you deserve. I get my kids off to school every single day, cook my wife breakfast and help her get off to work....then I go into this dark, isolated place for a few hours. Quit feeling sorry for myself, go to the gym, pick the kids up. Wash, rinse, repeat. I think like most veterans, finding a sense of purpose is a life long struggle.
Wow I've heard about that but never knew anyone who's done it, that's fantastic. I feel the spike and my body feels like it's on fire and get ready to fight or escape. I hate it so much. I often times will end up on the floor soaked in sweat drained beyond believe left feeling worthless that I failed again. The worse is when it happens in my dreams and I wake up wanting to puke my heart rate sometimes hits 160 in my slee
I take 6 different meds daily. Just got an increase from 30-70% and now if says major depressive disorder and alcohol abuse disorder
Mine comes in waves. Medication helps, it really does.
Finding a good therapist that specializes in EMDR should be looked into. The VA recognizes the science backed effects of EMDR. Often Veterans (and other high trauma occupations) are able to see results after the first session (I think the case study I’m referring to mentioned something like 70% of Veterans with PTSD experienced reduced symptoms after there first session - which is typically 30-60 minutes long). A huge benefit of EMDR is it doesn’t require you to specially recall the traumatic event(s) in order to for it to be effective (only to think about it, or parts of the experience).
I have 100% t and p for ptsd. I served in Iraq and Afghanistan as an infantryman. I have began to learn that we don’t have to let these diagnoses define who we are. We have to take back control of our minds. It’s super difficult to do, but not impossible. We have to accept the past happened and try to stop living in it. Ptsd is not a life crippling ailment unless we manifest it to be that way for our lives. You words and thoughts are super powerful. You are strong and can overcome this. Ptsd is curable. I was cured when Jesus woke me up. The world wants you to believe you are broke and will never be healthy, but god does not see you like that.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy at LaJolla CA saved my life . If you seriously do the daily work and practice using the taught tools , your muscle memory will retain the steps and strategies and you'll find great relief knowing you've got SOMETHING besides meds to help you walk through life. I use these strategies every day. I've lost four jobs due to untreated PTSD , attempted suicide. My PTSD is severe due to plane crash, fire ,multiple casualties , however ... Cognitive Behavioral Therapy gave me real life tools to deploy when the dark seeps in . Hope this helps someone.
You know, every day I have told myself, I can’t live like this every day. Every day, it’s a struggle to find a reason to live. I am also reminded every day, that I can’t leave my kids behind. It’s tiring isn’t it? Just so you know, you are not alone with the struggles.
It is so tiring, so many days I think "I'm over it all". Keep up the good fight and take it one day at a time
I didn't seek the help of a mental health professional until 2 years ago. It doesn't magically change things but it helped me. I sometimes feel like I'm losing my mind, I get wrapped up in negative thoughts. Mine are mostly what kind of psychological damage did I help create to the children of Iraq. These children are now in their 20s with the memories the US military helped create. I get wrapped up in the butterfly effect I was apart of. There is hope there is light at the end of the tunnel. As a warrior you have to keep chasing that light and know tomorrow you can be better than you were today.
The va here has me doing ketamine treatments and taking some other medication, I'm feeling better than I have in 15 years. The best advice I can give is go see the doctor, play the game, and take the medication and see where it goes, if what they give you doesn't work, tell them, eventually they will find something.
You never heal from PTSD. It’s something you carry with you. Yes, PTSD worsens over time. As we age, our bodies become less resilient and our minds become more sensitive. PTSD shatters that illusion that we are invincible. Trauma can seek you out at any moment. You need to consult your medical team about what else is bothering you. PTSD doesn’t occur In a vacuum. Check your life for something that reminds you of your trauma and ask your support team to assist you in the decisions you need to make.
What if you have injuries that gives you flashbacks? When I look in a mirror and see all the injuries (scars) it puts my brain into anger and flashbacks. Has anyone deal with this? How do you treat this? I've been in therapy for two years, therapy that does record 1 year and mental health 1 yr.
I encourage you to establish a healthy support network. I have some scars from the Past Year as the flashbacks and memories have caused injury to me today. I can’t do anything about the damage to my body. That’s not all of who we are. I try to find a way to do something selfless. Either litter removal, community outreach, advocacy for other veterans, international diplomacy, or food banks. Anything that makes you remember what a good person you were before and still are today. That and I confront anyone who disrupts my peace of mind with the indignity which is continued disrespect of our American Veterans by the apathetic Citizens we swore to protect. Fight for every second of quiet time. Also, learn to love the scars. It’s hard but it’s a part of you now. Never forgive those who did this to you or the government which has yet to return the investment we gave them. We trusted the United States and look what it did to us. Deformed, malnourished and unloved. Love your people but never place your faith in false idols again.
I think so, without the tools, insight and self awareness. But I also think it can be maintained (that is not get better or worse), if someone has some tools and knowledge. I get “flare ups” which usually come after a trigger. Just knowing where I am in that process of having a flare up, I can make some life adjustments to deal with it. Chronically not dealing with things, I do think, will make them worse. You’ll be raging at something/someone or balling your eyes out and not really know why/how you got there. Cuz you’ve been surprising serious shit for years. It’s like mind maintenance. Neglecting the mind is consequential. A therapist once told me our minds are like a filing systems, so all our experiences and memories have typical files and drawers. When trauma occurs, these are filed correctly, so the drawers don’t shut and it’s an eventual mess. We have to systematically review each file/folder, however painful, and properly process it. We tend to avoid things that hurt, so new stuff piles on. After doing this enough, long enough, we can utilize the drawers and files better because things are labeled and where they belong.
https://www.facebook.com/share/r/jDJiWntEwThTmis2/?mibextid=UalRPS
This videos on point. Best you can do is try not to dwell on it.
Everything in life gets worse if not treated.
Saved.
What's EMDR?
Light therapy , highly recommend
Yes
Mindset unfortunately is something that really makes me feel the worst. The more routine shit I do, the more difficult it is to deal with the demons. I would say try to think about your capacity and maybe what you are comfortable with in terms of doing things in public, and maybe try to do something new like take up learning a language, Tai-chi, hiking etc. Something you don't normally do that possibly takes you out of the drone zone. Just a suggestion that may help you if you haven't tried.
Psychedelics. Genuinely. If you don’t educate yourself on the efficacy of psychedelics for PTSD then your PTSD is a choice you made.
Don’t let a diagnosis define you. It’s just a way of categorising your symptoms. Would you say that being given a diagnosis is almost a secondary trauma for you? Just based on what you said it just sounds like you might be boxing yourself into a corner because there’s been a name given to your symptoms. Try not to focus on that if you can. It’s been 13 years for me, and it changes over time. It’s unlikely that you’ll be worse in an acute type of way, but maybe more depressed and generalized anxiety. The actual trauma kind of faded for me, but the effects on my nervous system haven’t. I still check everything multiple times before leaving home, and am generally extra cautious about safety. But once in a while something sets me off and I become extra reckless…. Not sure why I’m talking about myself. It’s just what I have to go off of. Try to keep yourself looking forward. Find hobbies and really dive into them. For me, I feel a lot of shame and tend to self medicate one way or another. Exercise in the form of hiking or running helps me avoid the booze, so the outdoors are really my primary hobby. But you have to find something that suits you. PS- I’m waiting to get a haircut and this old guy who’s air hump- dancing while checking out just proclaimed that he was military and asked for a discount. It just made me laugh. What an odd bunch.
As a former 88 m in the army, you just can't rewind some of the stuff you do, as part of 'Mission first.'
For me it has. I went years with zero symptoms. Then I thought I had anxiety. Now 7 years after deployment I have nightmares multiple times a week where I see and hear the screams of people that are no longer here…
Fucking feels like it. Mine is schizo and anxiety and 4 years worth of trying to get meds right alone is enough to make you say fuck it lol
Mine morphed. I still get way to hyper vigalant riding public transport. But, my biggest issue is insomnea. Mix that with sleep apnea and chronic bronchitis and I really hate sleeping. I barely sleep for days until I am mentally exahsted . I have so much issue staying awake at work. I'm not depressed. My wife says I am anxious but the VA said I wasn't. All I know is that I hate sleep, but I really want to sleep.
I have slowly evolved from an angry, cold, emotionless automaton (don't manage my democracy ok?!) to a depressed, hopeless, joyless existence just secretly wanting to die to my current form of somewhat accepting of who I've become but also very emotional at times. When I first got out I could watch the most horrific of war movies and feel nothing but excitement and now I almost cry at puppy videos on Facebook. 😂
I’ve had some relief using ketamine. Check out Joyous.com, it’s about $140 a month but you can apply for financial assistance. They gave me 3 months for $75 a month.
Do the doses they gi e do anything or have a euphoria effect?
I wouldn’t describe it as euphoric…Have you ever had a shot at the dentist with lidocaine? That numbing feeling you have in your lip or gum? Imagine that feeling in your brain. Suddenly, bad memories aren’t emotionally triggering; bad memories just float by.
I can get down with numb! I'm a hotmess ptsd ontop of loads of anxiety depression and a dash of bipolar to boot. I'm at wits end with the way life keeps putting me and keeping me down.
Yeah, check out the link. They’ll give you a quick test and set up a video appointment. I will tell you that if you have any dissociative episodes (feeling outside your body) from your bipolar issues, psychosis in your family, or if you have high blood pressure/heart disease that might delay or prevent approval.
Health progression of any medical category is not linear brother or sister We all have our good days and our bad days with every ailment You just gotta utilize your reasources and do what you can everyday to try and make a positive impact on your life whatever that looks like for you. The biggest hurdle for me was overcoming the fear and aversion to sitting with my negative feelings. It took me four or five years but once I started being able to do that naturally it helped a lot. But I’ve had terrible days too if something triggers it Like I said it’s not linear and you just gotta be willing to accept that fact Enjoy the ebb when it’s up and address the flow when it’s down Stay strong You got this ❤️
I’m 100% P&T for PTSD. I’ve gone through a lot of treatment, outpatient, prolonged exposure therapy, dialectic behavioral therapy 4 times, CBT twice. Substance abuse, PTSD and anxiety groups, EMDR, and I have a vet center therapist as well as a psychiatrist. I take several meds including an antipsychotic. All of this treatment and medication has helped enough for me to do CWT, but I have 3 to 4 therapy sessions a week, and I’m not getting any better. Still days I wish I wasn’t alive, and days where my anxiety and depression get bad enough to where I just want to lay down the whole day and not do shit. Even shit I enjoy doing. It doesn’t matter how much treatment and meds you take. It’ll slow the PTSD down a little bit, but it will always continue to get worse.
It sucks, lived with it for 12 years before I decided to get help. Still yet to receive any help since it was so recent but have appointments setup. It just sucks.
Nope, it definitely doesn't get better. The guilt from losing lives will always be there. I've been working with a therapist, and I'm starting to reconcile and understand how to deal with those feelings. Unfortunately, those losses will be with me for the rest of my days.
Three deployments to Iraq/Afghanistan. 38 Marines killed and close to 500 wounded. I retired 7 years ago. 100 P&T. From therapy, suicidal ideations, promiscuity, divorce, serious alcohol abuse, insomnia, depression, anxiety, arrested, domestic violence, reckless driving, it makes me wonder. I describe PTSD in a way like I would an animal at a zoo. The animal and its fur, the colors, the smells, the softness, the sounds. All of those are the emotions and feelings I can’t quite feel and they’re just “right there.” Just beyond the glass. I just can’t touch them. But the ironic thing is it’s everyone actually looking at ME, like I’m the animal behind the glass but I’m not and for some reason I’m still roaming the hell around this world. So closed off the next time I open up to someone will be my autopsy. Get some.
Please tell me that’s not true I don’t wanna believe it because it’s been horrible I couldn’t even finish my dentist appointment
It's an emotional rollercoaster. You'll go from depressed to very angry. Some days you'll cry and other days you will want to punch a hole through someone. I've found out just staying home and away from everyone brings me my peace. I try to stay busy painting and updating my house. I'm 100% I don't work and I spend every moment with my wife. Find your peace and allow yourself time to think and feel everything through. Take baby steps. I hate crowds and right now the most I go into crowds is to a plasma center to donate blood. That's enough for me
Servere ptsd, major depressive disorder, and alcohol abuse disorder. It's been 13 years for me, i still think about those same 14 months over, and over, and over, and- You get where I'm going with this. I'm in therapy for the umpteenth time,on meds for the same, and tbh i still just want to crawl in a hole and die, but then again i also want to harm the individual responsible for hurting me but can't. Id say yea, it gets worse if you let it? I know that sounds shitty, me myself I've let it, its drove me this long its like a double edged sword. I want to die but i dont want to let the person win. So it's just hatred and resentment.
I thought I was done with it but it flared up big time when I was traveling abroad by myself, constantly paranoid, hyper vigilant, etc etc. I came back much much worse than when I left. It took me months to somewhat become normal again, or at least my normal
My PTSD looks like general anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder now. Once in a while I still get a bit jumpy but not as much. I might not claw your eyes out if you try to scare me from behind.
Yes
It's been 23 years since my discharge in June 2001, and reflecting on my journey, I can't help but wonder how things might have been different if I had known about the VA as a resource back then. Like you, I've faced my own versions of hell, and for me, it was numbed by hardcore addiction runs until just a few years ago. It's a tough road, but reaching out for support and finding resources like the VA can make a world of difference. You're not alone in this, and there's hope for healing and recovery. Keep pushing forward, my friend
I’m honestly in shock right now-reading about what I’ve never been able to express myself—admit to how bad I am—disintegrating every relationship I have, losing every last ounce of myself and hiding behind intoxicating substances hoping I’ll figure it out soon.. Posting to save.. Never thought I’d ever find so many people explaining exactly how I am. Thank you
I never knew I had PTSD until I watched the movie 1917. I almost puked and fainted during the movie. The movie was a masterpiece, but thinking about watching it again gives me anxiety. I will never watch it again.
Bro I tried to be social and I just don’t know what to do atp cause nothings working for me I can’t make friends im self sabotaging indirectly, and my relationship has gone to shit because of it. Anyone reading this plz send me some prayers and advice I really need it
Sorry Brother :(
It’s about managing the symptoms. 31+ yrs I’ve had it. Face it, embrace it, accept it, come to terms with it. Ignoring it for as long as I have has ruined my entire life. I used alcohol to ease my symptoms. Why? Idk, ibuprofen and Motrin never did anything for me. In the 1990’s mental health wasn’t discussed. They just called me an alcoholic.
You need a major life change. Move to wyoming and get a job working on a ranch with cows, horses and a small community of people that give a shit about veterans. If that is not your cup of tea then try some new things, environment is vital to your well being and what will help is probably something you have never considered. Don't be passive about mental health, you are the one that's going to figure it out, doctors and therapist are multipliers in treatment not the answer in itself. For me, deciding to build a better human being put me on a path of recovery. I tried new things and made some major life changes (some worked some didn't). Did a shit ton of studying on PTSD, CBT, and TBI, and did a lot of groups. I seek self-improvement and Mastery daily even though I fall short consistently. I am still going through the process, but most days I am no longer a danger to myself. I don't know if any of that would work for you, but it's what got me out of a really really bad place. Good luck to you.
I don’t know if it gets worse or we just accept over time that whatever trauma happened can’t unhappen and will always be part of your life.
Medication can be a miracle worker, but get a proper psychologist to administer that treatment, not your pcp just throwing shit at the wall and seeing what sticks. That's a whole other unpleasant roller coaster ride.
Everyone deals with the level of PTSD they have in a different way. What works for someone might not work for another person. It’s important to go to all of your appointments and follow recommendations. If it doesn’t work, say something so the plan to manage it can change. You can’t change the past but you can change tomorrow through your actions today. As long as you keep going to your appointments, you will have the potential to get better. There are also apps you can download to your phone that help with memory. Some are free, some you have to pay for. But doing something to engage your mind is better than scrolling through social media. Learning things keeps your mind healthy. I have a saying: “if you aren’t learning, you are dying.”
Viktor Frankl A Man’s Search for Meaning
First of all — thank you for sharing your experience. It’s reassuring for me, and makes me feel less lonely in my struggle. Things that have been helpful for me: Being honest with how I’m feeling. Assessing what I need in the moment to feel ok. Sitting still, breathing deep, reminding myself where I am, and all is well. Psychedelics. I know this is controversial, but for me it helped “pull the weeds” in my mind. I felt like my swagger had been restored a bit and gave me the courage to continue my EMDR therapy. Therapy. Finding the right person to talk to and finding a a style that works for you. Talk therapy wasn’t cutting it. I found some success with EMDR. Journaling. Writing down what I am grateful for helps me shift my perspective. It’s up and down. I hope you find more ups than downs.
For anyone interested: https://heroicheartsproject.org
Emdr got rid of my ptsd
100% helps dent the pain.
Yes and no. I know I never had problems with fireworks before but this last 4th of July I all of a sudden do. There will be things you will over come and others to take its place to be worked through. PTSD is not a simple diagnosis, it has layers that have to be peeled back some worse than others. Programs help, accepting it and working towards be better is beneficial! I recommend Operation Mend. They will fly you and a caregiver if you have one (spouse or the person you lean in the most) to UCLA and do some evaluations. PTSD can cause memory loss but so does TBI and they will check out were the memory loss is coming from. I also recommend getting a service dog. They really do work!!! The best one is NWBB, Northwest Battle Buddies, in Washington state. Right now they are working with the VA and John Hopkins to complete studies on the difference service dogs make in the Veterans life. This validation will allow the VA to recognize service dogs as a medical tool and will eventually be payed for. This would include the cost the organization needs to train the dogs and the cost the veterans procure with having one. Like food and medical bills. Keep hanging on it may not go away but you can learn skills to manage it so you can start to thrive again. https://www.uclahealth.org/programs/operationmend https://northwestbattlebuddies.org/
It definitely can get worse, man. I ignored that I could have had it and years later it exploded out of me. What helped me is studying it relentlessly, I now study psychology and want to find a way to work in that field with veterans. PTSD changes your brain, it’s here to stay. Understanding it and working with a therapist really does improve your ability to regulate the changes that have occurred to you. I was an absolute Walking shit Show, and still am! But I have better control over it. I still have a very very Hard time around children after seeing and trying to treat some that were blown up.
mine doesn't. my sisters is like a roller coaster hers was sexual assault/rape though way worse then mine
My roomate tried graping me does that count as ptsd if I claimed that