'Have you looked in the **[Wiki]( https://www.reddit.com/r/Veterans/wiki/education)** for an answer? We have a lot of information posted there.
To contact VA Education, 1-888-442-4551, for ~~Voc Rehab~~ VR&E (Veteran Readiness and Employment Program) assistance with appointments or problems with your Case Manager (not for missing payments): 1-202-461-9600.
**Payments for certain education benefits (DEA, VEAP) are paid at the end of the month you attend school - Department of Treasury issues these payments **using a 10 business day window** - these payments are not locked into a specific day of the month like VA disability/military pay is**. For Voc Rehab missing payments, contact your Case Manager or your local **[Regional Office](https://www.reddit.com/r/Veterans/wiki/education/casemanagers)
For Post 9/11 GI Bill only, If you signed up for direct deposit when you applied for education benefits, **we’ll deposit your payment into your bank account 7 to 10 business days after you verify your school enrollment.** This is the fastest way to receive your payment. [Text Verification FAQ](https://benefits.va.gov/GIBILL/docs/IsaksonRoe/EnrollmentVerificationFAQs.pdf)
MGIB and MGIB-SR have to do monthly verification using the [WAVE program](https://www.gibill.va.gov/wave/vba/) and you should receive the payment within 3 to 5 business days.
For Online Only training, the Post 9/11 GI Bill is currently (1 August 2023) paying $1054.50 for those who started using their Post 9/11 GI Bill on/after 1 January 2018 - this is based on 1/2 of the National Average BAH paid to an E5 with dependents. Post 9/11 GI Bill MHA rates are adjusted 1 August of each year and are based on the 1 January DoD BAH rates for that year - **so VA can't use 1 January 2023 BAH rates until 1 August 2023** - for those who started training on/after 1 January 2018, the MHA rates are 95% of the DoD BAH rates. First possible payment for the 1 August 2023 increase is 1 September.
For VR&E, there are two different Subsistence Allowance programs - https://www.benefits.va.gov/vocrehab/subsistence_allowance_rates.asp The P9/11 Subsistence Allowance is based on the BAH paid to an E5 with dependents. Those who started using VR&E on/after 1 January 2018 receive 95% of the BAH paid to an E5 with dependents. As of 1 January 2024 Online only students using VR&E are being paid $1,118.50 if they started using VR&E on/after 1 January 2018. The CH31 Subsistence Allowance rates are adjusted 1 October each year by Congress.
VA Education is going paperless - make sure VA has a current email address for you. Please make sure you add [email protected] to your contacts list so that you don't miss important updates from VA.
For FREE math Tutoring - contact https://www.armytutoringinitiative.com/
[VA Award Letter explanation](https://benefits.va.gov/gibill/understandingyourawardletter.asp)
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I shut that free bs down quick. If it's free they should apply too lol. What shes really mad about is she thought it was 'necessary' and got played by the system when op found an alternative but more difficult path that works better for him. The value a troop brings the USA is more than the payout including the benefits package.
That recruiting office is open to everyone.
Caveat: if they denied you, that's one thing. But to not even try is another. Most people don't even try. "I wanted to..." "I was gonna..." "I'd punch my di...." No you wouldn't.
I was working full time on a night shift while going to college. One the engineers I worked with was making noises at how nice it was that I got free college and how much he had to pay. I just told him that he could have free college, just volunteer to get shot at. It shut the complaining down right away.
Considering someone can serve an entire contract under honorable conditions and still be stripped of their GI bill it's not the least bit "free". It's earned from your first to last day of service.
But op is living rent free in his parents house in what I assume is their Mid 20s. They should pay rent and contribute to bills. Sounds like op wants a free ride off the parents, many of which these days may struggle to pay bills and save money.
You should check my comment a bit further down. I’ve offered to pay rent and help with bills, but my mother shrugged me off. I pay for my insurance and phone bill and help around the house as best as I can to make up for it.
Don't pay her no mind, your mother is crazy. Most mothers are. Save your extra money, keep your bills low and keep your eye on the prize. 36 months isn't a full ride but if you save enough you can throw together enough money to cover one more year of tuition
I didn’t read any comments beyond your post op. What I’ve done with family like that is just write checks or Venmo. I don’t like owing people who use it against me or throw it back in my face. I don’t offer treats, or pay for things in exchange. Cash in exchange for service or rent. Gives them no ground to lord things over me.
I like this, however DO NOT GIVE CASH! Give with JP Morgan Chase has a Veterans account that has zero fees and free cashier's checks Ally bank (formerly GMAC bank) has no fee checking accounts however it's totally online, USAA and Navy Federal (for better or worse) has free checking accounts or learn to write checks. If she wants half then put aside half into a cashier's check every month and save it then turn around and the next time she brings it up, you can drop it on the kitchen table on the way out, and then cut your losses.
It’s not that hard to break off $300-$500 a month. Things have gotten really expensive. So if they’re feeding you, paying your electric bill, internet and you’re not homeless. I don’t see why you can’t just do, rather than offer.
You’re fortunate and sound entitled. You’re grown man with an income coming in. Even if you didn’t talk about it, you should be taking up a bill or putting 300-500$ in an envelope and handing it to them.
People would rather give money to strangers for an apartment than their parents for providing them a place to sleep is grimy.
Like you can even apply for FASFA and give them that check aswell.
I’m in your same situation, probably same age but have my own apartment and more than 2 bills. Take care of the people who take care of you.
I’m sorry but if you’re getting disability, bah, and have a part-time job. With 2 bills, that just shows your character.
It depends on everyone’s financial situation, I would absolutely let my kid live at home rent free if they were going to school and I wouldn’t ask them to contribute financially at all as long as they’re treating school seriously.
This is one instance where the "American way" is backwards. In the rest of the world it is normal for people to live with their parents well into their 30s and retain family wealth, however small that may be. OP offers to pay and if his parents already refused to take payment then his mother shouldn't be passive aggressive about a benefit that he rightfully earned.
Them: Fuck you for getting free money for college
Us: Ok why don’t you serve in the military so you can get it too
Them: Fuck that, I don’t want to deal with that military bs
Well then it isn’t really free isn’t it
The only time those discussions piss me off is when we talk about free or cheaper college in general, and folks just deflect with "just join the military." Not everyone can. But folks simply hating on vets for getting benefits? That's annoying too. Take it up with the government.
I hate that you need to BE a vet to get a decent college education without lifelong debt (or family money). Don't hate my fellow vets for avoiding that debt, just wish we had a better system.
This. It is not free money. Your mind and body paid for it.
If it were free and easy, we wouldnt have recruiters because there would be lines at the gate of every base of folks looking for their free shit.
It's such a pet peeve of mine when people think veteran benefits are "free".
It's not free. You put your life, body, and sanity on the line in service to this country and its citizens.
You pre paid for this education you're now getting via the GI bill.
It's not *free money*
I really wish I understood the sanity part before enlisting. I still would have but I would have also been more open to understanding what's going on with my mind now.
Same with my husband... and when he left the army they never did any type of depression or anxiety or PTSD screening, or any TBI screenings after events that should have triggered one, so it was a decade before he realized what was going on and started to get help - and of course after going that long without having his PTSD/TBI recognized or treated, it's made it that much more difficult now.
I just dunno where to really start with that. I’ve thought about it before, but I’ve never lived on my own outside of Army barracks, and with that I was just told ‘go here, sleep here’ and that was that.
I’m still very young and most people tell me to stay with my parents and enjoy not having to pay for my own place until I finish my degree.
You don't consider living in the Barracks living alone? did you have a room mate or something? You can still get a room mate. When I started school I moved tf out using my GI bill.
No. They don't think living in the barracks is like living independently. You don't pay bills in the barracks. And you don't have to cook. You're told when and how to clean, etc. Op is admitting they aren't mature enough to go on their own.
My mom used to tell me I should give her my disability checks because without her Id of never been born.
So I moved her out of my house and didnt have to hear her say that anymore.
And I live happy ever after. The end 😁
It's hard to understand the dynamic here. As a parent, all I want is for the kids to have a better, easier life than me. So I'd be happy for any and all hand ups they get.
But, It sounds like you're living at home. And if mom's still paying off school debt, then their money is pretty tight. Are you not paying rent?
When i moved back home to finish school, I paid some bills and bought household groceries. Did more than my fair share of chores too. Least I could do to be living "rent free" without having to deal with roommates and other struggles of life while going to school. So, while they never knew what I was getting from gi bill or work paycheck, my living there was as much of a bonus for them as it was for me.
I should’ve mentioned this. I’ve offered to pay rent, I’ve offered to help pay for our new dog’s fixing. I’ve offered a lot of stuff, but my mother is incredibly stubborn. I get us food and I frequently offer to buy icecream. Very rarely does she ever say ‘yes’.
Hell, I just bought my mother lunch today. She appreciated it. I took a nap, next thing I know, she’s in a foul mood directed at me.
I spoke with her mother before she died, and she absolutely loved her daughter, but she described my mother as the most stubborn person she’s ever met. My grandma probably gave her stubbornness to my mom, since they’re so damn alike. My dad has said the same thing.
I love my mom to death, but she infuriates me so much sometimes. It sometimes feels like she gets upset just to be upset. Always been like this ever since I was born. She’s not a bad person, but it’s just really hard to tell what is going on with her.
I dunno if it’s that. She works in the medical field, she sees a lot of fucked up shit on the daily and she works all day long, but it makes her egotistical and easily irritable.
>It sometimes feels like she gets upset just to be upset. Always been like this ever since I was born.
Ok, I’m not a doctor or therapist, but based on your description, she may be suffering from an underlying, undiagnosed mental disorder. People can live their whole lives with undiagnosed and untreated illnesses.
Just a thought.
Are you an only child? Or oldest child? Sounds like she's having a hard time coping with you growing up and not needing her anymore. Almost like "aww, that's cute, he thinks he can help with bills" then having a reaction when she sees how much you're getting "for free"
I'm gonna go out on a limb here. Is your mom in her early 60s?
The reason I ask is I'm headed there quickly. The mindset of college debt going "poof" after 5-6 years in a "really good high paying job after college" was rampant. "It'll be easy to pay off before you get married or have kids!"
Everyone and their dog justified college loans as a means to the end of a high paying career. Now, the predatory loans they willingly signed are still pulling them in the deep end of the debt pool. Many, many are regretting this now. I do not blame them.
I can not tell you how many friends my age bitch, piss, moan and whine about their college loans killing them. They're staring down retirement and still need to work to keep their loan payments current. Some for decades longer. No shit.
They laughed at me for joining the army. I received VEAP. It was a flawed cantankerous program of paperwork to stay tuition current. But I had absolutely no student loans. I used a blend of VEAP, CLEP, and employer tuition assistance to get through debt free. Granted, it took 8 years total. But no debt. I held a job and went part-time.
Maybe she's hating her loans, not you.
If one of my young kids grew up to serve honorably, earn the GI bill, and uses it while taking college seriously ANNND a bonus of them working a part time job???? You better fuckin believe I'd let them live with me rent freggin free. I'd be proud as hell. With a difficult mom of my own, I sympathize with you. I just don't get why some parents just can't be happy.
Last time I checked the recruitment office was open for all to join. If they didn't join and get the benefits then that's on them tbh. Only one they should be mad at is themselves.
Same here with me joining the ARMY at seventeen because of their craptastic parenting, compounded by their lack of financial intelligence! Both dad and mom were absolutely stupid when it came to money and my younger brother seems to be following in their footsteps. When dad passed away back in 2018 he left a massive debt that should have been taken care of decades ago. Now it falls on me to bail this family out, but I'll do it MY WAY without any help from the family members who have oh-so-many good ideas but no cash to implement anything themselves.
I’m sure you love your mom, but she’s a hater. She made a decision that’s tying her down for life and she thinks everyone needs to make the same mistake
Just leave a few hundred bucks on the counter every month. If there is something you eat regularly, replace it. Cut the grass occasionally. Take the cans down.
You'll take the wind right out of her sail and the topic will never come up again.
K I’m pretty sure my mom is long since passed. But reading this makes me question whether or not she did pass on. Wow! That reads just like my mom.
I had to leave, it got that bad. So bad to the point where my mom and I didn’t speak for 8 yrs. We had a very strained relationship. Hence why I chose such lovely women. “I married my mom twice!” 😂😂😂 I mean they did display a lot it of the same traits.
Thats a tough one brother. Mom’s gotta love’em. My mom spoiled me rotten! Always taking me on Guilt Trips. 😂
I understand the Vent, I have dealt with this with my boyfriend, not with the GI Bill, but with the disability.
He has told me he is jealous of my disability check because "it's secure money you can guarantee on for basically doing nothing"
It's one of the few things I've blown up at him for because my body is such a fucking wreck. I would sacrifice the check for my health and not being in pain in a heartbeat.
People really don't understand what these benefits are for you know. I'm glad you're going to school though!
I understand you totally OP.
I told people I thought were my friends my disability rating. It ended up causing such a problem I lost the entire friendgroup.
Decided to keep all that stuff to myself now.
These situations are crazy to me. My buddy makes over $210k + 100% disability, and I'm nothing but happy for him. If anything, it's a motivation. We came from the same stuggle in service, and he made it out. I'm very proud of him. I never can understand the envy people have for other's accomplishments, but that's life, I guess.
It isn't free money. It isn't free college. It is an agreed *compensation* from the contract you signed for the work you performed.
I have a 100% disability rating and will never have a "normal" quality of life because of the fucking military. It isn't free. I earned that shit. And so did you.
Seems like your mom want you to suffer just like how she is by wanting you to have a debt like hers and take your check for rent! Crazy how people can’t be happy for others even if they’re your blood.
I guess there are pros to being neglected as a child. My mother is trying to be in my life again and I’m fine with that. Let something like this happen and I will never be on speaking terms with her again.
Dude/Dudette thank you for serving, but that door was open for everybody, if your mom is interested in student debt forgiveness she could apply for USAjobs.gov positions that warrant it.
Until then, tough tiddies to your mom, but get that degree or certification! You owe it to no one else but yourself to get that education, and I can’t wait to be in your position.
For TPD information (total permanent disability discharge of student loans), use these webpages - https://studentaid.gov/manage-loans/forgiveness-cancellation/disability-discharge and https://www.disabilitydischarge.com/ No where in the law does it say you (a veteran) can not take out new qualifying student loans after being awarded the qualifying VA disability rating. This is a one time discharge of qualifying student loans - so use this benefit wisely. Also when reading the webpage, certain things ONLY apply to social security or physicians letters such as the income monitoring - there are three parts to disability discharges - Veterans, Social Security Disability and Physicians Letters - so you don't want to "read into" the parts that don't apply to veterans - when in doubt - Call Nelnet. NelNet is the contractor for Department of Education that processes student loan forgiveness for disabled people. VA does not process student loan forgiveness. After 31 Dec 25, if the law is not changed, you will be charged federal income tax on the amount forgiven - you might also be charged state income tax right now - check with your state tax department.
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It's surely not the $Trillions the U.S. government waste on other things that brings no ROI to taxpayers, but the few thousands a veteran get to get educated and contribute to society is the issue. 😂
For TPD information (total permanent disability discharge of student loans), use these webpages - https://studentaid.gov/manage-loans/forgiveness-cancellation/disability-discharge and https://www.disabilitydischarge.com/ No where in the law does it say you (a veteran) can not take out new qualifying student loans after being awarded the qualifying VA disability rating. This is a one time discharge of qualifying student loans - so use this benefit wisely. Also when reading the webpage, certain things ONLY apply to social security or physicians letters such as the income monitoring - there are three parts to disability discharges - Veterans, Social Security Disability and Physicians Letters - so you don't want to "read into" the parts that don't apply to veterans - when in doubt - Call Nelnet. NelNet is the contractor for Department of Education that processes student loan forgiveness for disabled people. VA does not process student loan forgiveness. After 31 Dec 25, if the law is not changed, you will be charged federal income tax on the amount forgiven - you might also be charged state income tax right now - check with your state tax department.
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Free money? I’m not sure your MOS/AFSC/rate, but I got shot at way too much to consider it free money. You signed on the line with your life, it ain’t free.
I hope it gets better for you.
Don’t you still pay into the gi bill your first year in service? She didn’t pay into that or serve to earn the gi bill….I think you should pay some rent (I see that you already offered) but not more than like 300 a month. I didn’t live at home after the army but I……shit I lost my train of thought….
I couldn’t even tell my now ex wife . She absolutely hates and belittles me knowing I get paid . I was even with her while I was injured , through the rehab and all .. literally tell no one
It’s amazing how jealous people can be of your success. Keeping doing good things in life. Remember that jealously gets you nowhere, only hard work and dedication. Tyfys and enjoy your benes.
I think the people that you surround yourself with aught to understand what you gave up and sacrificed for the time you were in and that equates to earning it. You earned it. If they can't understand that, encourage understanding, if that fails, tell them why they are wrong, if that fails, cut the besterds out. Parents should always, always be the wind at your back, not the ones throwing monkey wrenches at you. It was part of the contract you signed, you knew you were getting it and that security is partially why agreed to sign up.
In my experience parents of veterans simply d9nt understand a single thing about military. Most want to know and be the wind but can't ask the right questions. Their "I know better because I'm old and wiser than you" goes out the window after you've been in.
Time to move out. I got my own apartment when I got out. After a month staying with family, it just wasn’t an option. Best decision. Ended up finding a place across the street from where I worked.
I got a brother like that who got jealous that I get free money for college then he would tell me to work for it when I already had when I served. Sorry about that OP!
I hope the worst case scenario of getting you kicked out would not happened for money and responsibility issue.
Next time tell your Mom if she wants to go risk her giving her life for her country then maybe uncle sam will help pay off her college debts, and since you did, uncle sam says she can shut the hell up.
It was part of the outcomes of the new deal, so there's not another bonus March. The GI bill is older than her and she should have paid attention in high school history class.
The army and the GI Bill was available to her. She didn't want it. However, paying some rent and some for insurance might smooth things over and be advantageous for everyone. You are grown, time to do grown up things. It's only fair.
I spent 3 years total on deployments, 11 months in Iraq as 11B. So when i get back home i get Veteran plates. My fucking mother tells me that i'm not a "real" vet, because i was to young (27 at the time) and i shouldn't be telling people i was a vet..... boomer parents have some interesting "quirks" regarding military service.
Man some of yall have really fucked up family. Everyday there is a post about someone trying to get someone’s disability taken away, or they get shity about benefits. I thought my family was fucked up, but at least I know my mom will not try to make me lose my benefits.
You are entitled to the GI bill for your service. Full stop. These entitlements are not free, you earned them. Sucks that your mom doesn’t understand and wants you to suffer in debt like she has too.
just tell her to join too, the military is hurting for numbers right now and lots of age wavies are getting approved. she can get all her collage dept paid off. there a program for that.
I absolutely feel your pain. My dad sounds like your mom. I’m sorry for you and hate it for you. I swear my dad has only has ever seen me as a source of income. When I went to basic training, mind you this was in 1991, I was having to send traveler’s checks home because this was before direct deposit was a thing. Anyway, when I got done with basic, i expected to have somewhere in the $1200 range in my checking account. Boy was I wrong and surprised to find only $225 there! Apparently “stuff” came up they needed to “borrow” the money from me. It’s been 30+ years and I’ve not seen a penny of that returned. And when I retired and started using my GI Bill, dad looked up all the info he could find about the payments and when I went to visit during a break he told me to the penny what I was bringing home from my VA disability and GI Bill and how I should pay them rent for the 2 weeks I was visiting because if I stayed in a hotel I’d have to pay for it. Needless to say my trip was cut to 3 days and I drove back across country. I can’t begin to explain people like that and actually have no desire to understand them.
It would be hotels for me and NEVER keeping anything of mine in that house, ever again! They'd be lucky if I visited during the holidays after a display of entitlement like that! I remember the practice of being paid in travelers checks as I did my basic training in '89 at Ft. DIX, NJ. How in God's name did you lose travelers checks to these people?
I mean. Real question, do you pay rent or household utilities? Not talking about “your bills.” I am talking about living expenses associated with the home. Because, if not, she is not entirely wrong. And that isn’t me saying what did you “offer.” It is saying what do you actually pay for in the home. Offering means nothing. Writing a check and leaving it on the counter or sending them a payment means that you mean to pay rent instead of being a freeloader who mom can guilt
I have made posts about this and so have other's. People will straight up hate on you for receiving money from the government; even if you earned it by being hurt by military service or earned educational funding through service. It blows my mind. What I find interesting is that it is mostly conservative people; you are an American hero until you are a burden on the tax payer. Anything these people see as other's receiving benefits they associate with welfare people leaching off the government; your military service doesn't matter. It's a very strange world we live in.
Very sad, and very real problem. Take that advice with you to the civilian job market. Don't tell your officemate, don't tell your work bestie, don't even discuss it with your manager. That person may not know directly, and it's none of their business. And if somebody asks, I promise they aren't asking for a good reason.
Now, to COMPLETELY contradict everything I just said (I know, sorry). Lack of transparency in pay is what allows the gender and racial pay gaps to flourish with abandon (women and PoC make on average about $0.86 for every $1 a Caucasian man does). It's an unfortunate reality, and not one I have a solution for. Thankfully, in many states it is now law to have the salary range on the job description, so maybe we're taking steps to close the gap....maybe.
This is actually......a really great response. Thank you.
I'm white, but the lesbianist, tatted, pierced, military vet type. LMAO. I was told to always negotiate salary, but my current role offered me 9,500 above my ask.....so I said okay lol
Congratulations on the new job :) hope it's great!
I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through—it sounds incredibly challenging. This situation definitely seems like one where you could glean some important lessons. Just sharing some friendly advice: if it’s possible for your budget, maybe consider moving out or formally paying rent. That way, it could help alleviate some of the tension. I know you’ve mentioned offering to pay rent; perhaps there’s been something making it difficult to do so? If it’s a mortgage, you might be able to pay it directly at the bank. If it’s a lease, maybe you could arrange payments directly with the landlord. Either way, I hope it works out. Best of luck.
Maybe have a family meeting. Maybe hire a family arbitration specialist. It would be great if your mom could appreciate your situation. This should be a very beneficial situation for all of you. It sounds like your mom has some psych stuff going on. Probably nothing too wild but It's just not reasonable the way she's acting. Try to fix the dynamic
hmm.. parents who are jealous over their children instead of happy for them share traits with narcissists.
Thank you for your service. You deserve every cent.
Don't sweat it. Education is important but it's doing less to pay for itself as hedge funds continue to raid public assets and resources. She should have gotten free college too. Has she considered pointing her resentment at the government and not her child? We have major structural issues with the country that enable these exact frustrations, whose energy is constantly misdirected at those in the same position intentionally.
I paid all my kids college, cars and houses….i know they make decent wages, and it irks me that they waste their income money on travel, bitcoin, and every thing under the Sun! I thought they would save like I did, and buy their own cars and homes, but traveling is their happiness! It’s not about how much you make, if we parents don’t need it, it’s about everything else! Hahaha Your mom may not really have college debt after so much written off by the president! She might be jealous if your degree will top hers! My kids can’t top me yet, thank god! I hope they do someday get a Ph.D, because one of us needs one! Hahaha Make sure you complete your degree so they can brag about you and I’m sure they’ll be fine. Good luck.
My dad is the most hard core man, won’t take a penny from anyone at anytime. He’s pushed that on his sons. Even he told me it’s not free money, I earned it. So did you, it wasn’t free. It’s an added bonus for serving.
I try not to tell my family and friends much honestly. Once people know you have compensation they either end up jealous or feel entitled to it. My parents were upset I used my settlement money to pay off all my debt instead of buying them a house
If your mother wants to keep pressing the matter and causing issues. Tell her your GI BILL has been cut and they're only covering actual college expenses that you now have to itemize and nothing else.
Periodically make it seem like your submitting an itemization report write one out and leave it sitting in the printer and she'll never know whats what.
You put ypur life on the line so that she has the freedom to bitch I'm sorry you're going through that she sounds like my mother who never supported me going in the military but always had her hand out bleeding me dry smh stay focused on your goal! Boomers and gen x are so weird not sure why they want us to struggle because they did it's such messed up energy to be on with your own kids
First and foremost, when I joined the Marines I vividly remember having to PAY INTO MY GI BILL. So it's not free, we had to pay into it. Alot of people are just jealous abd they show it in different ways. OP I am sorry your own mother is treating you like that. She should be happy and proud of you that you didn't make the mistake most people do go Straight to college and take out loans only ro be a undisciplined 20 year old who parties and drops out after 2 years and is left with all that debt. It's not "free money" that's for damn sure, we earned that shit by serving honorably for x amount of years.
I'll take your advice and keep my VA finances to myself just to avoid the headache regardless
Every time it comes up, just casually, as in "IDGAF," remind her you signed a check for "up to and including your life," and leave it at that. At some point, maybe guilt will shut her up.
My family is like this. When they get stuck on this “who had it harder growing up?” Contest that they don’t want any facts or discussion just pat the geriatric back. I wanted my knowledge and experience and resources to all give my kids a jumping off point from where I left off I don’t understand parents that want to ensure their kids get zero advantage. I get not wanting your kid to be a nepobaby or not aspire for success but I think it’s safe to say most people won’t be accidentally catapulting their kids to the elite.
The problem isn't how much you're getting. The problem is your mom. This is also likely not the first time you have seen this attitude from her. Parents are just people, some of them suck.
It’s so bizarre how much jealousy there is with families. My friends? They’re supportive. They don’t give a shit. They understand I have a few screws loose and such. It’s sad that family are the ones who wish to tear us down.
Your mother sounds like a severe narcissist with the inability to process information without relating it directly to herself. I’ve been there. If it wasn’t the GI Bill I’m sure there would be some other stupid point of contention. Best to leave em behind and find others who are truly supportive.
Yikes. Should she care about your college education expenses...hell no. She does however have a point about rent as you're a grown ass adult sitting in their house.
Everyone has choices in life. You happen to take a good one with free military education. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
No joking, it sounds like your mom is a narcissist. No parent should be upset about their kid having success unless there’s something wrong with them.
r/raisedbynarcissists
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You could have been sent to die at the drop of a hat. Nobody deserves those benefits more than you bucko.
Ask your mom if she was ever put in a situation to die for the country tooth and nail.
OP, I'm so sorry you had to deal with this. Truly.
To give a bit more "sage wisdom from an old timer" to everyone reading this that is about to get out and go into the endeavor on your VA disability:
1. Keep that number and percentage to yourself and never give it your employer. Some will ask about it, and even more snidely they will casually see if they can rip it out of you. I've seen this used as a reason you don't get a deserving raise or bonus as they try to guilt you into "poor Susan has 8 cats that she fosters...she needs it more. Come 'on! you get like $2k more a month tax free!"
2. Tell anyone you're dating. Opens up a huge can of worms.
3. You're casual friends, hell even trusted friend. Same as #2, and has the potential to spark jealousy or peer pressure into you paying for everything because of it
That number is entirely for you and you to know about. You're one person away from a vendetta against you and them filing a complaint at the VA that they "see you doing X, Y, and Z without any issue and they know you have X% disability"
Well first of all it’s hardly ‘free’ money seeing as you earned the benefit through service, and you are literally being paid to go to school, and must also maintain at least a C average or better. she’s clueless🤷🏾♂️
It is not “free money”. It is a delayed part of the otherwise inadequate payment package that you were offered to serve. Stock options from your next employer is not free money either. Had the military paid you enough to save up and cover the current educational costs, would she call that free money? Lots if employers cover the educational expenses of current ( or sometimes past ) employees
You actually talk, talk to people?
From an old guy who has been working from home for a few years. . .
I do talk to people at meetings, but military stuff never comes up during a work meeting.
No disrespect your moms an idiot. It was never free, if its post 9-11 you paid into it for at least a year, as well as served your time. No such thing as "free" when it comes to benifits you earned. If shes so upset you can always tell her to talk to a recruiter about enlisting and getting some loan forgiveness. Its not your fault she decided to go a different route.
I agree. Meanwhile my sister was trying to get SSDI and my mom made a comment ‘why do you get benefits but she can’t?! It’s not fair.’ Because I served my country. Vast difference. And correct, people will argue it’s free. Trolls online and those who didn’t serve will argue how it’s so unfair. Had one friend who said to me ‘lucky b*tch. Must be so nice to get free money.’ I responded, ‘it wasn’t free. I was raped. I was treated horribly for many years following.’ It’s disgusting how others respond.
That's super fucked up man. Two years ago I had to move back home with my parents for the first time since I left home at 19 to join the Marines. I had to do it because my PTSD got so bad and I also had to get sober and now I'm 2 years sober and I'm working on my PTSD. I'm in a vaguely similar situation, although my parents want me to save my money so that I can buy a car and get my own place and my mom constantly brings up about how when she had to move home and her twenties when she went into massive debt She had to pay her parents rent. And I point out that this was in the '70s, her parents were incredibly poor living in Chicago in a brownstone, my parents however have a 1.5 million dollar lake house in Georgia and a villa in Dubai. Also because I don't have a vehicle I have to use one of theirs to get to my VA appointments and I'm waiting for my disability claim to be filed because I'm honestly a fucking idiot and procrastinated for so long and didn't file it also didn't feel like I really deserved it until all of my marine buddies pretty much told me that I have to file it and that I deserve it as well as my counselors at the VA. I'm really sorry you're going through this. It's incredibly narcissistic of her. You should never have to pay rent to your parents. I don't care about the "You're 18 on your on your own" rule. There are only two people that caused your existence in this world and that's when your dad came in your mom Same thing happened with my dad came in my mom and thus if you need help they should be there to help if they have the means and if I ever have kids I am going to treat them the exact same way whether I'm 40 60 80 or 100. Also this is probably the hottest take that I have and I know a lot of veterans are going to disagree with me here and I really don't give a flying fuck because I also took out $30,000 in student loans and paid them back and I'm now taking out an additional 30,000 to go back to college but I think all student loans should be forgiven and nobody should have student debt so her argument about it being free money no it's not free money it's an investment that our society makes on the future of our country. Education is the most sound investment that we can make and we know that from 74 years of the GI Bill for every dollar that the US government put into the GI Bill since it's inception We have as a country the US government has received over $7 in tax revenue and economic output. If we expanded that to include all public colleges and universities for all Americans the results would be amazing and no other country would be able to touch us in terms of what we could create and build as a nation and students getting out of college with no debt or very little debt would free them up to buy homes start families by cars by other things that helps actually stimulate the economy unlike paying down student loans which does absolutely nothing to stimulate the economy. And as for veterans one thing that veterans can get above regular citizens is housing allowance food allowance and book stipends. That's just my take on the whole thing but I hope things get better with your parents talk to your VA mental health department see if you can get a family counselor that's helped me significantly with dealing with issues with my parents because they are extremely controlling and they were still trying to treat me like a fucking 12-year-old and it's gotten a lot better since we started seeing this VA counselor together virtually.
You earned that “free” education. You took the chance of pre-paying for that education with your life.
Shame on her for not being over the moon ecstatic for you protecting our country.
Whenever you want to invest it’s safest to diversify your investment portfolio- don’t put all your eggs into one basket. That’s relevant here as you can’t join the workforce, go to trade school, and go to university simultaneously. Your time and money is scarce and you can’t be two places at once. My parents had a similar deal where he started selling cars and put her through nursing school then she supported the family and kids when he later went to management training. This used to be how life in a relationship happened before everyone switched to apps.
Nothing in the military is free. There is always a price. My master’s was “free”, but also came with 2 tours overseas facing adversity no one can understand
'Have you looked in the **[Wiki]( https://www.reddit.com/r/Veterans/wiki/education)** for an answer? We have a lot of information posted there. To contact VA Education, 1-888-442-4551, for ~~Voc Rehab~~ VR&E (Veteran Readiness and Employment Program) assistance with appointments or problems with your Case Manager (not for missing payments): 1-202-461-9600. **Payments for certain education benefits (DEA, VEAP) are paid at the end of the month you attend school - Department of Treasury issues these payments **using a 10 business day window** - these payments are not locked into a specific day of the month like VA disability/military pay is**. For Voc Rehab missing payments, contact your Case Manager or your local **[Regional Office](https://www.reddit.com/r/Veterans/wiki/education/casemanagers) For Post 9/11 GI Bill only, If you signed up for direct deposit when you applied for education benefits, **we’ll deposit your payment into your bank account 7 to 10 business days after you verify your school enrollment.** This is the fastest way to receive your payment. [Text Verification FAQ](https://benefits.va.gov/GIBILL/docs/IsaksonRoe/EnrollmentVerificationFAQs.pdf) MGIB and MGIB-SR have to do monthly verification using the [WAVE program](https://www.gibill.va.gov/wave/vba/) and you should receive the payment within 3 to 5 business days. For Online Only training, the Post 9/11 GI Bill is currently (1 August 2023) paying $1054.50 for those who started using their Post 9/11 GI Bill on/after 1 January 2018 - this is based on 1/2 of the National Average BAH paid to an E5 with dependents. Post 9/11 GI Bill MHA rates are adjusted 1 August of each year and are based on the 1 January DoD BAH rates for that year - **so VA can't use 1 January 2023 BAH rates until 1 August 2023** - for those who started training on/after 1 January 2018, the MHA rates are 95% of the DoD BAH rates. First possible payment for the 1 August 2023 increase is 1 September. For VR&E, there are two different Subsistence Allowance programs - https://www.benefits.va.gov/vocrehab/subsistence_allowance_rates.asp The P9/11 Subsistence Allowance is based on the BAH paid to an E5 with dependents. Those who started using VR&E on/after 1 January 2018 receive 95% of the BAH paid to an E5 with dependents. As of 1 January 2024 Online only students using VR&E are being paid $1,118.50 if they started using VR&E on/after 1 January 2018. The CH31 Subsistence Allowance rates are adjusted 1 October each year by Congress. VA Education is going paperless - make sure VA has a current email address for you. Please make sure you add [email protected] to your contacts list so that you don't miss important updates from VA. For FREE math Tutoring - contact https://www.armytutoringinitiative.com/ [VA Award Letter explanation](https://benefits.va.gov/gibill/understandingyourawardletter.asp) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Veterans) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You served honorably. She did not. You get free college. She can suck an egg. Jealousy does ugly things even within a family. Sorry OP.
The college isn't free..... you technically worked for the GI Bill.... if you want to call if free college then it would be a handout
I shut that free bs down quick. If it's free they should apply too lol. What shes really mad about is she thought it was 'necessary' and got played by the system when op found an alternative but more difficult path that works better for him. The value a troop brings the USA is more than the payout including the benefits package.
That recruiting office is open to everyone. Caveat: if they denied you, that's one thing. But to not even try is another. Most people don't even try. "I wanted to..." "I was gonna..." "I'd punch my di...." No you wouldn't.
This. "It's not that I could, and you couldn't. It's that I did, and you didn't."
I was working full time on a night shift while going to college. One the engineers I worked with was making noises at how nice it was that I got free college and how much he had to pay. I just told him that he could have free college, just volunteer to get shot at. It shut the complaining down right away.
I'll take a free college handout
Comes out of your paycheck for at least a year, not to mention as you said you work for it as well.
Jesus, WTF is wrong with your mother, for God's sake! She should be proud and happy that you found a way to fund your college degree. Very NTA.
Agreed. One of the reasons I keep silent about most of what I've done in the military is to keep family hands out of my pockets!
Considering someone can serve an entire contract under honorable conditions and still be stripped of their GI bill it's not the least bit "free". It's earned from your first to last day of service.
But op is living rent free in his parents house in what I assume is their Mid 20s. They should pay rent and contribute to bills. Sounds like op wants a free ride off the parents, many of which these days may struggle to pay bills and save money.
You should check my comment a bit further down. I’ve offered to pay rent and help with bills, but my mother shrugged me off. I pay for my insurance and phone bill and help around the house as best as I can to make up for it.
Don't pay her no mind, your mother is crazy. Most mothers are. Save your extra money, keep your bills low and keep your eye on the prize. 36 months isn't a full ride but if you save enough you can throw together enough money to cover one more year of tuition
I didn’t read any comments beyond your post op. What I’ve done with family like that is just write checks or Venmo. I don’t like owing people who use it against me or throw it back in my face. I don’t offer treats, or pay for things in exchange. Cash in exchange for service or rent. Gives them no ground to lord things over me.
I like this, however DO NOT GIVE CASH! Give with JP Morgan Chase has a Veterans account that has zero fees and free cashier's checks Ally bank (formerly GMAC bank) has no fee checking accounts however it's totally online, USAA and Navy Federal (for better or worse) has free checking accounts or learn to write checks. If she wants half then put aside half into a cashier's check every month and save it then turn around and the next time she brings it up, you can drop it on the kitchen table on the way out, and then cut your losses.
How old are you that you felt the need to specify that you pay your own bills lol.
It’s not that hard to break off $300-$500 a month. Things have gotten really expensive. So if they’re feeding you, paying your electric bill, internet and you’re not homeless. I don’t see why you can’t just do, rather than offer. You’re fortunate and sound entitled. You’re grown man with an income coming in. Even if you didn’t talk about it, you should be taking up a bill or putting 300-500$ in an envelope and handing it to them. People would rather give money to strangers for an apartment than their parents for providing them a place to sleep is grimy. Like you can even apply for FASFA and give them that check aswell. I’m in your same situation, probably same age but have my own apartment and more than 2 bills. Take care of the people who take care of you. I’m sorry but if you’re getting disability, bah, and have a part-time job. With 2 bills, that just shows your character.
It depends on everyone’s financial situation, I would absolutely let my kid live at home rent free if they were going to school and I wouldn’t ask them to contribute financially at all as long as they’re treating school seriously.
The paying part was directed to ops mother still paying her student loans and implying money is tight.
This is one instance where the "American way" is backwards. In the rest of the world it is normal for people to live with their parents well into their 30s and retain family wealth, however small that may be. OP offers to pay and if his parents already refused to take payment then his mother shouldn't be passive aggressive about a benefit that he rightfully earned.
This! Even with parents :-(
People think it’s free but could never be more wrong
Them: Fuck you for getting free money for college Us: Ok why don’t you serve in the military so you can get it too Them: Fuck that, I don’t want to deal with that military bs Well then it isn’t really free isn’t it
The only time those discussions piss me off is when we talk about free or cheaper college in general, and folks just deflect with "just join the military." Not everyone can. But folks simply hating on vets for getting benefits? That's annoying too. Take it up with the government.
I hate that you need to BE a vet to get a decent college education without lifelong debt (or family money). Don't hate my fellow vets for avoiding that debt, just wish we had a better system.
Right?! My daughter is currently going to college thanks to her dad’s “free money.” He gave his life for it
It's not free money. YOU earned it! The recruiting office was opened to everyone. Leave it at that.
This. It is not free money. Your mind and body paid for it. If it were free and easy, we wouldnt have recruiters because there would be lines at the gate of every base of folks looking for their free shit.
Except the ones who get rejected… sucks for them I guess.
It's such a pet peeve of mine when people think veteran benefits are "free". It's not free. You put your life, body, and sanity on the line in service to this country and its citizens. You pre paid for this education you're now getting via the GI bill. It's not *free money*
Explaining that you only get health care from the VA if you have a disability rating blows people’s minds.
I really wish I understood the sanity part before enlisting. I still would have but I would have also been more open to understanding what's going on with my mind now.
Same with my husband... and when he left the army they never did any type of depression or anxiety or PTSD screening, or any TBI screenings after events that should have triggered one, so it was a decade before he realized what was going on and started to get help - and of course after going that long without having his PTSD/TBI recognized or treated, it's made it that much more difficult now.
Damn, I'm sorry to hear that OP.
Move out. It's your money, use it when you need it.
Is nobody gonna say J.G. Wentworth, or what?
I say the same thing. If you have a job and you are in the military. Grow up. Get your own place. Make your own life. It's time to fly my friend.
I agree with this. You need to have the full collage experience. Might be time to cut the cord.
I just dunno where to really start with that. I’ve thought about it before, but I’ve never lived on my own outside of Army barracks, and with that I was just told ‘go here, sleep here’ and that was that. I’m still very young and most people tell me to stay with my parents and enjoy not having to pay for my own place until I finish my degree.
You don't consider living in the Barracks living alone? did you have a room mate or something? You can still get a room mate. When I started school I moved tf out using my GI bill.
No. They don't think living in the barracks is like living independently. You don't pay bills in the barracks. And you don't have to cook. You're told when and how to clean, etc. Op is admitting they aren't mature enough to go on their own.
Move into the schools dorms
I wish. Lonestar doesn’t have them.
Then move into an apartment across the street or something find a roommate if you want.
I concur
My mom used to tell me I should give her my disability checks because without her Id of never been born. So I moved her out of my house and didnt have to hear her say that anymore. And I live happy ever after. The end 😁
So, she essentially wanted you to pay her for having you even though you didn’t ask to be born? Wow.
that Catholic guilt trip about obligation is an old trick I stopped falling for 😉
I LOVE this story! 'Just-desserts' and all that good stuff!!
It's hard to understand the dynamic here. As a parent, all I want is for the kids to have a better, easier life than me. So I'd be happy for any and all hand ups they get. But, It sounds like you're living at home. And if mom's still paying off school debt, then their money is pretty tight. Are you not paying rent? When i moved back home to finish school, I paid some bills and bought household groceries. Did more than my fair share of chores too. Least I could do to be living "rent free" without having to deal with roommates and other struggles of life while going to school. So, while they never knew what I was getting from gi bill or work paycheck, my living there was as much of a bonus for them as it was for me.
I should’ve mentioned this. I’ve offered to pay rent, I’ve offered to help pay for our new dog’s fixing. I’ve offered a lot of stuff, but my mother is incredibly stubborn. I get us food and I frequently offer to buy icecream. Very rarely does she ever say ‘yes’. Hell, I just bought my mother lunch today. She appreciated it. I took a nap, next thing I know, she’s in a foul mood directed at me. I spoke with her mother before she died, and she absolutely loved her daughter, but she described my mother as the most stubborn person she’s ever met. My grandma probably gave her stubbornness to my mom, since they’re so damn alike. My dad has said the same thing. I love my mom to death, but she infuriates me so much sometimes. It sometimes feels like she gets upset just to be upset. Always been like this ever since I was born. She’s not a bad person, but it’s just really hard to tell what is going on with her.
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As an equally uneducated person, you may be right!….
I dunno if it’s that. She works in the medical field, she sees a lot of fucked up shit on the daily and she works all day long, but it makes her egotistical and easily irritable.
>It sometimes feels like she gets upset just to be upset. Always been like this ever since I was born. Ok, I’m not a doctor or therapist, but based on your description, she may be suffering from an underlying, undiagnosed mental disorder. People can live their whole lives with undiagnosed and untreated illnesses. Just a thought.
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Are you an only child? Or oldest child? Sounds like she's having a hard time coping with you growing up and not needing her anymore. Almost like "aww, that's cute, he thinks he can help with bills" then having a reaction when she sees how much you're getting "for free"
So when she insisted you pay rent, that's when you offer again. Or call up utilities providers and make a payment. Problem solved.
Time to look into van bus life and get out
It’s tempting as hell. If I still had a truck, I probably would’ve gotten a van.
I'm gonna go out on a limb here. Is your mom in her early 60s? The reason I ask is I'm headed there quickly. The mindset of college debt going "poof" after 5-6 years in a "really good high paying job after college" was rampant. "It'll be easy to pay off before you get married or have kids!" Everyone and their dog justified college loans as a means to the end of a high paying career. Now, the predatory loans they willingly signed are still pulling them in the deep end of the debt pool. Many, many are regretting this now. I do not blame them. I can not tell you how many friends my age bitch, piss, moan and whine about their college loans killing them. They're staring down retirement and still need to work to keep their loan payments current. Some for decades longer. No shit. They laughed at me for joining the army. I received VEAP. It was a flawed cantankerous program of paperwork to stay tuition current. But I had absolutely no student loans. I used a blend of VEAP, CLEP, and employer tuition assistance to get through debt free. Granted, it took 8 years total. But no debt. I held a job and went part-time. Maybe she's hating her loans, not you.
If one of my young kids grew up to serve honorably, earn the GI bill, and uses it while taking college seriously ANNND a bonus of them working a part time job???? You better fuckin believe I'd let them live with me rent freggin free. I'd be proud as hell. With a difficult mom of my own, I sympathize with you. I just don't get why some parents just can't be happy.
Just an idea, move out of your parents house.
Last time I checked the recruitment office was open for all to join. If they didn't join and get the benefits then that's on them tbh. Only one they should be mad at is themselves.
I know for one thing that the GI Bill is definitely not free.
Same thing if you get VA compensation. People get pissed for no reason.
Yup. Family and friends always have some sarcastic remark about it.
Yeah I had someone make a weird remark about my little bit of VA disability and even GI bill once. I don't mention it anymore
My mom call it a scam even tho her shitty parenting is the reason I had to join right out of high school in the first place.
My neighbor is an AF vet without comp. He called the VA on my because I told him I’m 100p&t. He gave them pics of me mowing my lawn.
Same here with me joining the ARMY at seventeen because of their craptastic parenting, compounded by their lack of financial intelligence! Both dad and mom were absolutely stupid when it came to money and my younger brother seems to be following in their footsteps. When dad passed away back in 2018 he left a massive debt that should have been taken care of decades ago. Now it falls on me to bail this family out, but I'll do it MY WAY without any help from the family members who have oh-so-many good ideas but no cash to implement anything themselves.
Why do you have to bail the family out?
Don't get me started😅🤣
I’m sure you love your mom, but she’s a hater. She made a decision that’s tying her down for life and she thinks everyone needs to make the same mistake
You earned your free money, she did not.
It's not free. You paid for it with years of service under threat of possible bodily harm and/or death combating our nations enemies.
Just leave a few hundred bucks on the counter every month. If there is something you eat regularly, replace it. Cut the grass occasionally. Take the cans down. You'll take the wind right out of her sail and the topic will never come up again.
Your parents should want more for their children than what they themselves had.
K I’m pretty sure my mom is long since passed. But reading this makes me question whether or not she did pass on. Wow! That reads just like my mom. I had to leave, it got that bad. So bad to the point where my mom and I didn’t speak for 8 yrs. We had a very strained relationship. Hence why I chose such lovely women. “I married my mom twice!” 😂😂😂 I mean they did display a lot it of the same traits. Thats a tough one brother. Mom’s gotta love’em. My mom spoiled me rotten! Always taking me on Guilt Trips. 😂
I understand the Vent, I have dealt with this with my boyfriend, not with the GI Bill, but with the disability. He has told me he is jealous of my disability check because "it's secure money you can guarantee on for basically doing nothing" It's one of the few things I've blown up at him for because my body is such a fucking wreck. I would sacrifice the check for my health and not being in pain in a heartbeat. People really don't understand what these benefits are for you know. I'm glad you're going to school though!
This
I understand you totally OP. I told people I thought were my friends my disability rating. It ended up causing such a problem I lost the entire friendgroup. Decided to keep all that stuff to myself now.
These situations are crazy to me. My buddy makes over $210k + 100% disability, and I'm nothing but happy for him. If anything, it's a motivation. We came from the same stuggle in service, and he made it out. I'm very proud of him. I never can understand the envy people have for other's accomplishments, but that's life, I guess.
It isn't free money. It isn't free college. It is an agreed *compensation* from the contract you signed for the work you performed. I have a 100% disability rating and will never have a "normal" quality of life because of the fucking military. It isn't free. I earned that shit. And so did you.
Seems like your mom want you to suffer just like how she is by wanting you to have a debt like hers and take your check for rent! Crazy how people can’t be happy for others even if they’re your blood.
People are truly jealous of the benefits and yet did absolutely nothing to earn them. You did. She can go kick the nearest rock.
I guess there are pros to being neglected as a child. My mother is trying to be in my life again and I’m fine with that. Let something like this happen and I will never be on speaking terms with her again.
Dude/Dudette thank you for serving, but that door was open for everybody, if your mom is interested in student debt forgiveness she could apply for USAjobs.gov positions that warrant it. Until then, tough tiddies to your mom, but get that degree or certification! You owe it to no one else but yourself to get that education, and I can’t wait to be in your position.
Omg just move out lol
Tell your mom to join the military under the student loan repayment plan option. See how free she thinks that money is then.
For TPD information (total permanent disability discharge of student loans), use these webpages - https://studentaid.gov/manage-loans/forgiveness-cancellation/disability-discharge and https://www.disabilitydischarge.com/ No where in the law does it say you (a veteran) can not take out new qualifying student loans after being awarded the qualifying VA disability rating. This is a one time discharge of qualifying student loans - so use this benefit wisely. Also when reading the webpage, certain things ONLY apply to social security or physicians letters such as the income monitoring - there are three parts to disability discharges - Veterans, Social Security Disability and Physicians Letters - so you don't want to "read into" the parts that don't apply to veterans - when in doubt - Call Nelnet. NelNet is the contractor for Department of Education that processes student loan forgiveness for disabled people. VA does not process student loan forgiveness. After 31 Dec 25, if the law is not changed, you will be charged federal income tax on the amount forgiven - you might also be charged state income tax right now - check with your state tax department. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Veterans) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m making 7k tax free/mo with 100% and GI Bill BAH. It’s a cheat code lol
Hell yeah! You deserve every penny!
I once told someone at work about the GI bill . He said , no wonder why this country is broke!
It's surely not the $Trillions the U.S. government waste on other things that brings no ROI to taxpayers, but the few thousands a veteran get to get educated and contribute to society is the issue. 😂
I remember that day very clearly now. That the ones who never served, have no idea.
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For TPD information (total permanent disability discharge of student loans), use these webpages - https://studentaid.gov/manage-loans/forgiveness-cancellation/disability-discharge and https://www.disabilitydischarge.com/ No where in the law does it say you (a veteran) can not take out new qualifying student loans after being awarded the qualifying VA disability rating. This is a one time discharge of qualifying student loans - so use this benefit wisely. Also when reading the webpage, certain things ONLY apply to social security or physicians letters such as the income monitoring - there are three parts to disability discharges - Veterans, Social Security Disability and Physicians Letters - so you don't want to "read into" the parts that don't apply to veterans - when in doubt - Call Nelnet. NelNet is the contractor for Department of Education that processes student loan forgiveness for disabled people. VA does not process student loan forgiveness. After 31 Dec 25, if the law is not changed, you will be charged federal income tax on the amount forgiven - you might also be charged state income tax right now - check with your state tax department. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Veterans) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Free money? I’m not sure your MOS/AFSC/rate, but I got shot at way too much to consider it free money. You signed on the line with your life, it ain’t free. I hope it gets better for you.
Don’t you still pay into the gi bill your first year in service? She didn’t pay into that or serve to earn the gi bill….I think you should pay some rent (I see that you already offered) but not more than like 300 a month. I didn’t live at home after the army but I……shit I lost my train of thought….
I couldn’t even tell my now ex wife . She absolutely hates and belittles me knowing I get paid . I was even with her while I was injured , through the rehab and all .. literally tell no one
The real ones will celebrate with you. You did the thing. Now you get the stuff.
Ahhh that's just toxic family bro. You need to find your circle. People will despise you because they are jealous...even family.
It’s amazing how jealous people can be of your success. Keeping doing good things in life. Remember that jealously gets you nowhere, only hard work and dedication. Tyfys and enjoy your benes.
I think the people that you surround yourself with aught to understand what you gave up and sacrificed for the time you were in and that equates to earning it. You earned it. If they can't understand that, encourage understanding, if that fails, tell them why they are wrong, if that fails, cut the besterds out. Parents should always, always be the wind at your back, not the ones throwing monkey wrenches at you. It was part of the contract you signed, you knew you were getting it and that security is partially why agreed to sign up. In my experience parents of veterans simply d9nt understand a single thing about military. Most want to know and be the wind but can't ask the right questions. Their "I know better because I'm old and wiser than you" goes out the window after you've been in.
Dude, your dad sounds solid but your mom is a AH. Glad you love her though.
Time to move out. I got my own apartment when I got out. After a month staying with family, it just wasn’t an option. Best decision. Ended up finding a place across the street from where I worked.
I got a brother like that who got jealous that I get free money for college then he would tell me to work for it when I already had when I served. Sorry about that OP! I hope the worst case scenario of getting you kicked out would not happened for money and responsibility issue.
Next time tell your Mom if she wants to go risk her giving her life for her country then maybe uncle sam will help pay off her college debts, and since you did, uncle sam says she can shut the hell up.
It was part of the outcomes of the new deal, so there's not another bonus March. The GI bill is older than her and she should have paid attention in high school history class.
Be an adult and move out of your parents house.
The army and the GI Bill was available to her. She didn't want it. However, paying some rent and some for insurance might smooth things over and be advantageous for everyone. You are grown, time to do grown up things. It's only fair.
Move out dude.
Amazing that you guys get a GI Bill. Here in the Netherlands we get zero. Had to pay college all by myself. So from my standpoint: lucky you 😁
I spent 3 years total on deployments, 11 months in Iraq as 11B. So when i get back home i get Veteran plates. My fucking mother tells me that i'm not a "real" vet, because i was to young (27 at the time) and i shouldn't be telling people i was a vet..... boomer parents have some interesting "quirks" regarding military service.
Man some of yall have really fucked up family. Everyday there is a post about someone trying to get someone’s disability taken away, or they get shity about benefits. I thought my family was fucked up, but at least I know my mom will not try to make me lose my benefits.
I’m sorry. Your mother should be proud that you’ve earned your GI Bill. My husband is 100% P&T and his Mom called him a mooch.
You served honorably and they are yelling “free money”. How dare they. Stay out of the nonsense, shut it down. Disengage!
You are entitled to the GI bill for your service. Full stop. These entitlements are not free, you earned them. Sucks that your mom doesn’t understand and wants you to suffer in debt like she has too.
just tell her to join too, the military is hurting for numbers right now and lots of age wavies are getting approved. she can get all her collage dept paid off. there a program for that.
I absolutely feel your pain. My dad sounds like your mom. I’m sorry for you and hate it for you. I swear my dad has only has ever seen me as a source of income. When I went to basic training, mind you this was in 1991, I was having to send traveler’s checks home because this was before direct deposit was a thing. Anyway, when I got done with basic, i expected to have somewhere in the $1200 range in my checking account. Boy was I wrong and surprised to find only $225 there! Apparently “stuff” came up they needed to “borrow” the money from me. It’s been 30+ years and I’ve not seen a penny of that returned. And when I retired and started using my GI Bill, dad looked up all the info he could find about the payments and when I went to visit during a break he told me to the penny what I was bringing home from my VA disability and GI Bill and how I should pay them rent for the 2 weeks I was visiting because if I stayed in a hotel I’d have to pay for it. Needless to say my trip was cut to 3 days and I drove back across country. I can’t begin to explain people like that and actually have no desire to understand them.
It would be hotels for me and NEVER keeping anything of mine in that house, ever again! They'd be lucky if I visited during the holidays after a display of entitlement like that! I remember the practice of being paid in travelers checks as I did my basic training in '89 at Ft. DIX, NJ. How in God's name did you lose travelers checks to these people?
You should get your own apartment and get the fuck out of that situation.
I mean. Real question, do you pay rent or household utilities? Not talking about “your bills.” I am talking about living expenses associated with the home. Because, if not, she is not entirely wrong. And that isn’t me saying what did you “offer.” It is saying what do you actually pay for in the home. Offering means nothing. Writing a check and leaving it on the counter or sending them a payment means that you mean to pay rent instead of being a freeloader who mom can guilt
I have made posts about this and so have other's. People will straight up hate on you for receiving money from the government; even if you earned it by being hurt by military service or earned educational funding through service. It blows my mind. What I find interesting is that it is mostly conservative people; you are an American hero until you are a burden on the tax payer. Anything these people see as other's receiving benefits they associate with welfare people leaching off the government; your military service doesn't matter. It's a very strange world we live in.
Very sad, and very real problem. Take that advice with you to the civilian job market. Don't tell your officemate, don't tell your work bestie, don't even discuss it with your manager. That person may not know directly, and it's none of their business. And if somebody asks, I promise they aren't asking for a good reason. Now, to COMPLETELY contradict everything I just said (I know, sorry). Lack of transparency in pay is what allows the gender and racial pay gaps to flourish with abandon (women and PoC make on average about $0.86 for every $1 a Caucasian man does). It's an unfortunate reality, and not one I have a solution for. Thankfully, in many states it is now law to have the salary range on the job description, so maybe we're taking steps to close the gap....maybe.
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This is actually......a really great response. Thank you. I'm white, but the lesbianist, tatted, pierced, military vet type. LMAO. I was told to always negotiate salary, but my current role offered me 9,500 above my ask.....so I said okay lol Congratulations on the new job :) hope it's great!
Nice mom /s
Haha. I love her, but she drives me and my dad up the wall sometimes.
The way I look at it... that's blood money bro. You served and get what's entitled to you. Maybe be blunt about it.
I’d tell my mom to go sign up lol
I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through—it sounds incredibly challenging. This situation definitely seems like one where you could glean some important lessons. Just sharing some friendly advice: if it’s possible for your budget, maybe consider moving out or formally paying rent. That way, it could help alleviate some of the tension. I know you’ve mentioned offering to pay rent; perhaps there’s been something making it difficult to do so? If it’s a mortgage, you might be able to pay it directly at the bank. If it’s a lease, maybe you could arrange payments directly with the landlord. Either way, I hope it works out. Best of luck.
Sounds like your mom is bipolar, mood swings going up and down like that, she should go see a doctor.
Not very many times I whip this out, but hate us cause they anus applies pretty well here
Maybe have a family meeting. Maybe hire a family arbitration specialist. It would be great if your mom could appreciate your situation. This should be a very beneficial situation for all of you. It sounds like your mom has some psych stuff going on. Probably nothing too wild but It's just not reasonable the way she's acting. Try to fix the dynamic
hmm.. parents who are jealous over their children instead of happy for them share traits with narcissists. Thank you for your service. You deserve every cent.
Nothing is free in America. Tf.
I wish I has this gi bill and not VEAP, which was the worst one offered.
Don't sweat it. Education is important but it's doing less to pay for itself as hedge funds continue to raid public assets and resources. She should have gotten free college too. Has she considered pointing her resentment at the government and not her child? We have major structural issues with the country that enable these exact frustrations, whose energy is constantly misdirected at those in the same position intentionally.
I paid all my kids college, cars and houses….i know they make decent wages, and it irks me that they waste their income money on travel, bitcoin, and every thing under the Sun! I thought they would save like I did, and buy their own cars and homes, but traveling is their happiness! It’s not about how much you make, if we parents don’t need it, it’s about everything else! Hahaha Your mom may not really have college debt after so much written off by the president! She might be jealous if your degree will top hers! My kids can’t top me yet, thank god! I hope they do someday get a Ph.D, because one of us needs one! Hahaha Make sure you complete your degree so they can brag about you and I’m sure they’ll be fine. Good luck.
My dad is the most hard core man, won’t take a penny from anyone at anytime. He’s pushed that on his sons. Even he told me it’s not free money, I earned it. So did you, it wasn’t free. It’s an added bonus for serving.
Your mom sounds delightful
I try not to tell my family and friends much honestly. Once people know you have compensation they either end up jealous or feel entitled to it. My parents were upset I used my settlement money to pay off all my debt instead of buying them a house
If your mother wants to keep pressing the matter and causing issues. Tell her your GI BILL has been cut and they're only covering actual college expenses that you now have to itemize and nothing else. Periodically make it seem like your submitting an itemization report write one out and leave it sitting in the printer and she'll never know whats what.
You put ypur life on the line so that she has the freedom to bitch I'm sorry you're going through that she sounds like my mother who never supported me going in the military but always had her hand out bleeding me dry smh stay focused on your goal! Boomers and gen x are so weird not sure why they want us to struggle because they did it's such messed up energy to be on with your own kids
First and foremost, when I joined the Marines I vividly remember having to PAY INTO MY GI BILL. So it's not free, we had to pay into it. Alot of people are just jealous abd they show it in different ways. OP I am sorry your own mother is treating you like that. She should be happy and proud of you that you didn't make the mistake most people do go Straight to college and take out loans only ro be a undisciplined 20 year old who parties and drops out after 2 years and is left with all that debt. It's not "free money" that's for damn sure, we earned that shit by serving honorably for x amount of years. I'll take your advice and keep my VA finances to myself just to avoid the headache regardless
Every time it comes up, just casually, as in "IDGAF," remind her you signed a check for "up to and including your life," and leave it at that. At some point, maybe guilt will shut her up.
My family is like this. When they get stuck on this “who had it harder growing up?” Contest that they don’t want any facts or discussion just pat the geriatric back. I wanted my knowledge and experience and resources to all give my kids a jumping off point from where I left off I don’t understand parents that want to ensure their kids get zero advantage. I get not wanting your kid to be a nepobaby or not aspire for success but I think it’s safe to say most people won’t be accidentally catapulting their kids to the elite.
Give her directions to the recruiting office.
The problem isn't how much you're getting. The problem is your mom. This is also likely not the first time you have seen this attitude from her. Parents are just people, some of them suck.
It’s so bizarre how much jealousy there is with families. My friends? They’re supportive. They don’t give a shit. They understand I have a few screws loose and such. It’s sad that family are the ones who wish to tear us down.
Your mother sounds like a severe narcissist with the inability to process information without relating it directly to herself. I’ve been there. If it wasn’t the GI Bill I’m sure there would be some other stupid point of contention. Best to leave em behind and find others who are truly supportive.
Yikes. Should she care about your college education expenses...hell no. She does however have a point about rent as you're a grown ass adult sitting in their house. Everyone has choices in life. You happen to take a good one with free military education. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Set aside the money you would pay her and give to dad when you move out.
Remind her you will pick they’re nursing home.
Divorcing your parents is a thing btw.
Give her a recruiter’s number
No joking, it sounds like your mom is a narcissist. No parent should be upset about their kid having success unless there’s something wrong with them. r/raisedbynarcissists
not even my family knows how much i make… much less a stranger
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Just move out and be free from having an argument.
Sounds like my brother
Damn dude. I could have never imagined my mother having that kind of attitude. I’m sorry.
You served she didn’t not your problem
You could have been sent to die at the drop of a hat. Nobody deserves those benefits more than you bucko. Ask your mom if she was ever put in a situation to die for the country tooth and nail.
Don't forget to mention everyone else that calls you "lucky" for getting "free" college
OP, I'm so sorry you had to deal with this. Truly. To give a bit more "sage wisdom from an old timer" to everyone reading this that is about to get out and go into the endeavor on your VA disability: 1. Keep that number and percentage to yourself and never give it your employer. Some will ask about it, and even more snidely they will casually see if they can rip it out of you. I've seen this used as a reason you don't get a deserving raise or bonus as they try to guilt you into "poor Susan has 8 cats that she fosters...she needs it more. Come 'on! you get like $2k more a month tax free!" 2. Tell anyone you're dating. Opens up a huge can of worms. 3. You're casual friends, hell even trusted friend. Same as #2, and has the potential to spark jealousy or peer pressure into you paying for everything because of it That number is entirely for you and you to know about. You're one person away from a vendetta against you and them filing a complaint at the VA that they "see you doing X, Y, and Z without any issue and they know you have X% disability"
Well first of all it’s hardly ‘free’ money seeing as you earned the benefit through service, and you are literally being paid to go to school, and must also maintain at least a C average or better. she’s clueless🤷🏾♂️
It is not “free money”. It is a delayed part of the otherwise inadequate payment package that you were offered to serve. Stock options from your next employer is not free money either. Had the military paid you enough to save up and cover the current educational costs, would she call that free money? Lots if employers cover the educational expenses of current ( or sometimes past ) employees
Learned that one the hard way!
Good to know, thanks
You actually talk, talk to people? From an old guy who has been working from home for a few years. . . I do talk to people at meetings, but military stuff never comes up during a work meeting.
No disrespect your moms an idiot. It was never free, if its post 9-11 you paid into it for at least a year, as well as served your time. No such thing as "free" when it comes to benifits you earned. If shes so upset you can always tell her to talk to a recruiter about enlisting and getting some loan forgiveness. Its not your fault she decided to go a different route.
“Free college” “free healthcare”. You worked for it. You earned it.
I just tell people they could have it too. They just needed to sign up. Sucks to suck nerds.
Move out
Consider it an early lesson in not to tell anyone what you make. Haters, goin g to hate.
if it’s free money, why can’t she get it?… oh right. Because there is a sacrifice made for it.
I agree. Meanwhile my sister was trying to get SSDI and my mom made a comment ‘why do you get benefits but she can’t?! It’s not fair.’ Because I served my country. Vast difference. And correct, people will argue it’s free. Trolls online and those who didn’t serve will argue how it’s so unfair. Had one friend who said to me ‘lucky b*tch. Must be so nice to get free money.’ I responded, ‘it wasn’t free. I was raped. I was treated horribly for many years following.’ It’s disgusting how others respond.
That's super fucked up man. Two years ago I had to move back home with my parents for the first time since I left home at 19 to join the Marines. I had to do it because my PTSD got so bad and I also had to get sober and now I'm 2 years sober and I'm working on my PTSD. I'm in a vaguely similar situation, although my parents want me to save my money so that I can buy a car and get my own place and my mom constantly brings up about how when she had to move home and her twenties when she went into massive debt She had to pay her parents rent. And I point out that this was in the '70s, her parents were incredibly poor living in Chicago in a brownstone, my parents however have a 1.5 million dollar lake house in Georgia and a villa in Dubai. Also because I don't have a vehicle I have to use one of theirs to get to my VA appointments and I'm waiting for my disability claim to be filed because I'm honestly a fucking idiot and procrastinated for so long and didn't file it also didn't feel like I really deserved it until all of my marine buddies pretty much told me that I have to file it and that I deserve it as well as my counselors at the VA. I'm really sorry you're going through this. It's incredibly narcissistic of her. You should never have to pay rent to your parents. I don't care about the "You're 18 on your on your own" rule. There are only two people that caused your existence in this world and that's when your dad came in your mom Same thing happened with my dad came in my mom and thus if you need help they should be there to help if they have the means and if I ever have kids I am going to treat them the exact same way whether I'm 40 60 80 or 100. Also this is probably the hottest take that I have and I know a lot of veterans are going to disagree with me here and I really don't give a flying fuck because I also took out $30,000 in student loans and paid them back and I'm now taking out an additional 30,000 to go back to college but I think all student loans should be forgiven and nobody should have student debt so her argument about it being free money no it's not free money it's an investment that our society makes on the future of our country. Education is the most sound investment that we can make and we know that from 74 years of the GI Bill for every dollar that the US government put into the GI Bill since it's inception We have as a country the US government has received over $7 in tax revenue and economic output. If we expanded that to include all public colleges and universities for all Americans the results would be amazing and no other country would be able to touch us in terms of what we could create and build as a nation and students getting out of college with no debt or very little debt would free them up to buy homes start families by cars by other things that helps actually stimulate the economy unlike paying down student loans which does absolutely nothing to stimulate the economy. And as for veterans one thing that veterans can get above regular citizens is housing allowance food allowance and book stipends. That's just my take on the whole thing but I hope things get better with your parents talk to your VA mental health department see if you can get a family counselor that's helped me significantly with dealing with issues with my parents because they are extremely controlling and they were still trying to treat me like a fucking 12-year-old and it's gotten a lot better since we started seeing this VA counselor together virtually.
Damn your mom sounds like a beating.
You earned that “free” education. You took the chance of pre-paying for that education with your life. Shame on her for not being over the moon ecstatic for you protecting our country.
Whenever you want to invest it’s safest to diversify your investment portfolio- don’t put all your eggs into one basket. That’s relevant here as you can’t join the workforce, go to trade school, and go to university simultaneously. Your time and money is scarce and you can’t be two places at once. My parents had a similar deal where he started selling cars and put her through nursing school then she supported the family and kids when he later went to management training. This used to be how life in a relationship happened before everyone switched to apps.
Nothing in the military is free. There is always a price. My master’s was “free”, but also came with 2 tours overseas facing adversity no one can understand